Transcription
*Star Wars Main Theme - John Williams*
*Theme Speeds up*
Téa: Yugi hasn't said a word since he lost to Kaiba.
Joey: Yug, answer me. How many fingers am I holding up? That's right, zero! Man, you're good at this game! Let's play something else!
Bakura: Check his pulse, Joey!
Joey: Listen Yug, I lost a card game to Kaiba too. But I didn't get all mopey about it, even when I started having these really erotic dreams about him! I mean I was in a dog suit and everything! Wait a minute, have you been having dream sex with Kaiba behind my back? Answer me, you two-timing bastard!
Mai: Oh, please, who hasn't had dream sex with Kaiba?
Téa: Look everyone, it's Skankity Slut-Slut!
Mai: Actually, my name's Mai Valentine.
Téa: That's what I said, Skankity Slut-Slut.
Mai: I heard Yugi had lost his will to live. That is such a turn-on for me. I love broken men.
Téa: I'm sick of you flirting with my future husband. It's time we settle this like real women!
Tristan: Woo-hoo! Cat Fight!
Téa: No, not like that.
Tristan: Mud wrestling?
Téa: No.
Tristan (sounding desperate): Naked pillow fight?
NO!
Bakura: Embroidery contest? What?
Téa: Mai Skankentine, I challenge you to a card game! And what's more, I'm gonna beat your bleached blonde butt right back to booby land!
Joey: A woman winning a card game? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard!
Tristan: Didn't she beat you in the 2nd episode?
Joey: Do you want to go back in the box?
Tristan: Please don't send me back there.
Téa (V.O.): Hmm, which of my painfully-adorable monsters should I use first?
Joey: Whatever you do Téa, don't look directly at her cleavage! It's like a black hole! You'll get sucked in!
Mai: Face it, kid, you don't stand a chance against me! You're just a cheerleader who stumbled her way into the big leagues. If I were you, I'd quit right now.
Téa: I won't give up! I'm going to beat you, Mai, and when I do, it'll prove that women are equal to men!
*canned laughter*
Téa: I'm serious!
Tristan: Take off your clothes!
Téa: I summon Shining Friendship! It symbolizes the bond I share with my friends! That's why it's so small and fragile. It has Joey's courage, Tristan's spirit, and Yugi's heart.
Bakura: Aren't you forgetting someone?
Téa: Who's that?
Bakura: You know, long white hair, dashing good looks, slightest hint of an accent?
Téa: Pegasus?
Bakura: Me, you trollop!
Téa: Hey, stop groping my Yugi-muffin!
Bakura: Bugger off, you had your chance!
Mai: Go, Harpie Lady! Destroy Shining Friendship!
Téa: Nothing can destroy friendship! It's the most powerful force in the universe! It's even stronger than Chuck Norris!
Joey: Blasphemy!
Tristan: These are the worst strippers I've ever seen!
Mai: I surrender. My breasts can't withstand another friendship speech.
Téa: Victory is mine!
Yugi: This duel has given me a newfound inspiration! After all, if someone as worthless as Téa can win a card game, this tournament should be a piece of cake!
Mai: Pegasus' Castle. you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.
Hair Guy: Attention duelists! You guys are not duelists! I'll need to see your identification...
Téa: Me love you long time?
Mai: You don't need to see their identification.
Hair Guy: I don't need to see their identification.
Mai: These aren't the breasts you're looking for...
Hair Guy: These aren't the breasts I'm looking for...
Mai: Move along.
Hair Guy: My hair is in love!
*Overture from Romeo and Juliet - Tchaikovsky*
Mai: REJECTED!
Hair Guy: Wait, come back! My hair wants to marry you- OW MY HAIR!
Yugi: Come on, gang, Let's go rescue that old man who lives in my basement and eats all my food!
Joey: Bandit Keith, you no good son of a bitch! This is for trapping me inside a cave! With Bakura!
Joey: Nyeh! Nyeh!
Bandit Keith: You punch like somebody who isn't American.
Joey: How come you're so strong and agile?
Bandit Keith: I modeled myself after the greatest American hero of all time: Hulk Hogan!
Yugi: Look! Kaiba's dueling Pegasus.
Joey: But they're both villains! Who we supposed to root for?
Yugi: Well, Pegasus did kidnap my grandpa, but Kaiba cheated in a card game, and that's unforgivable.
Kaiba: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.
Pegasus: Only a master of card games, Kaiba-boy.
Tristen: What's with all the Star Trek quotes?
Pegasus: I activate the Magical Toon World!
Kaiba: A grown man who watches cartoons? That's almost as insane as a grown man playing a children's card game!
Pegasus: Toon World allows me to change your monsters into cheap imitations! It's rather like what 4Kids did to this show. Come forth, Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon!
Bakura: That's no toon, that's a Space Station! No wait, you're right, it's a toon.
Kaiba (V.O.): Help me mokuba, you're my only hope.
Mokuba (V.O.): Use the force big brother.
Yugi: Hey Kaiba, try threatening to kill yourself, that usually works! Only this time, really do it!
Kaiba: I'm placing all my faith in this one card, and my faith rewards me with the Blue-Eyes White Dragon! Now it's time for the ultimate cartoon showdown! Japanese animation vs American animation-
Bandit Keith: Hey, you can't use that word! It belongs to America! Only Americans are allowed to-
Kaiba: Shut the f*ck up.
Bandit Keith: ...In America.
Pegasus: You forgot one important detail Kaiba-boy! Japanese cartoons tend to be a lot slower than their American counterparts!
Kaiba: His dragon dodged my attack! I haven't been this disappointed since I saw Reign of Fire.
Pegasus: Now, I'm going to remove your soul from your body, leaving you a shell of your former self. From now on you'll just stand around with a blank look on your face all the time. So you probably won't notice any difference. OOOOhh, I totally burned you!!
Joey: Man, that duel was really boring! It was like waiting for LittleKuriboh to make a new video!
Tristan: Let's complain about it!
*Merry-Go-Round Broke Down - Milt Franklyn, 1955*
Pharaoh: Next week on Yu-gi-oh!
Hair Guy: Yugi never told you what happened to your father!
Tristan: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Hair Guy: No, my hair is your father!
Tristan: That's not true... that's impossible!
Hair Guy: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Tristan: NOOO!
*Axel F - Crazy Frog*