Transcription
Well, hello! I'm Tamara, and welcome to Tam Psych Advice. Today, I'm going to talk to you about Myers-Briggs personality types that are in the SJ temperament family. That is the ESTJ, ISTJ, ISFJ, ESFJ family. And we're, we're going to talk about what happens when these people are narcissists.
Because I think this is what confuses some people. Why they're looking at someone's type and it just doesn't seem right, or why is this person so mean? It may not be that they're just, quote unquote, mean. It could be that they have narcissistic personality disorder. And not necessarily, you know, we all have different experiences in life, so somebody can be mean and not meet the criteria of a narcissist. You could check out my narcissist videos that I made, uh, that will give you a lot more details on what a narcissistic person looks like. But I do want to paint somewhat of a picture just to kind of give you an idea of who you could be dealing with.
I'll give you an example of this lady that I worked with years ago, who I think was an ISFJ. And she came across so pleasant. And I was working on an event, and she was told to help me with the event, just come in with me on it. And we had great conversations beforehand. I thought, this is going to be great. But anything I gave her to do, she failed at it. Then at the event, the only thing I gave her to do was, can you take pictures of, go around and just take pictures of different people doing different things? She came back at the end of the day, and all the pictures were of herself doing demonstrations, trying on different outfits.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. So, if you have an EJ, ISFJ, ISTJ, um, ESFJ, and they have narcissistic personality disorder, you're going to have some trouble on your hands.
Let's say you have your average, normal, uh, sensor judger SJ temperament person. They're going to be extremely irritated with a narcissist who is their own personality type. Why? Because SJs, who make up about 45% of the population, they are factual, dependable, cautious, law-abiding, respectable, steady, detailed, concerned. They're about as straight in a line as you can get when it comes to following rules and wanting to follow protocol. But you put a narcissist whose need is to serve themselves, that's going to be a problem. Or you need them to be concerned about someone else or something else that somebody else is going through, you're not going to get empathy. They're going to be like, "Uh, so what? That their dog died. They should still get up and work harder than ever before." I mean, they're just not going to have empathy or concern, and it's not going to make sense. You're going to be like, "What? Okay, something bad just happened, and they're acting like they don't care at all, and they're saying rude and nasty things." They are not going to follow those rules.
Now, sometimes they're going to follow rules, but if it doesn't serve the self, or they have, um, ulterior motives, then they're going to change all those rules up. Their insecurity can also get in the way. They can be deeply insecure, and so what you'll get with them sometimes is they're not going to complete things because, uh, they don't have the confidence to do it. And it's different from your average person because we can all feel insecure about things and still push through it. They're going to start playing mind games. They're going to start doing weird things to frustrate you, like, "Okay, I need you to complete your part so that I can get mine done." Or they're going to get huge attitudes with you. They may promise to get it done and disappear and never complete it. Or you need them to do certain things so that somebody can get hired, but they've never done it before. And instead of figuring it out, or asking questions, or getting in there, you know, to do it, or even saying, "I don't know how to do this," they're going to do things to force you to have to take over somehow. Take over it. They're going to make it extremely difficult.
People who are SJs, they can be very serious when it comes to their duties and responsibilities. So if they're working with a narcissist, they're not going to be super sugary syrupy. I mean, they can be nice and kind. They can be very straightforward. And whereas other people know how to take them, a narcissist is not going to take that very well. And so, um, they can, it, narcissists are very easily slighted, uh, to the point where you, you can slight them. You can start arguing with them over semantics because you just insulted them, and you're like, "I wasn't insulting you at all." Um, so once you get on their bad side, they're going to hate you. Or if you stand up to them because they're being nasty, rude, disrespectful to you, then they're probably going to start doing things to try to make you fire yourself. They're going to take your name and they're going to stomp all over it, slaughter it to any and everyone who will listen.
They can be extremely jealous of you if you're attractive, or you dress nice, or the boss likes you, or people like you. Um, if there's something about you that they're envious of, they're going to do some things to drive you nuts because they're going to snap at you, uh, have an attitude, get real crazy with you. Um, some of them can seem very normal until they're triggered, and then you can try to explain to someone, but I see this other side of this person, and they're not going to believe you because they're not having to work closely with that person, so they don't see them being triggered.
So basically, they're going to want you to be an extension of themselves. So they may be comfortable with doing some parts of their job, but then when you bump into something that they can't do, you know, that they feel insecure about, they might start shaking, snapping at you, going crazy on you. "I need you to share your information with me. I need you to do mine for me." They can come across glaringly insecure.
A narcissist is not going to follow rules when it interferes with their own selfish needs. So SJs are guardians. They tend to look out for people. They want to make sure that people are okay, that everything is covered. But a narcissist is going to be into themselves. So the only person they're going to be worried about is, um, "Am I getting what I need?"
Which one of these narcissists do you think would do the best job at running the show? The ESTJ would probably be the best. But if they're a narcissist, they're going to be tyrants. They're going to be mean, they're going to be cruel, they're going to be vicious, they're going to, uh, hurt your feelings a lot. Uh, and the same thing for ISFJs. It doesn't matter if they have that feeling component in there. You might as well throw that out the window. They may use that to manipulate. Um, um, they may be into nothing but makeup and hair and how they look, superficial type things, the visual, doing things so that people will say, "Oh wow, you're beautiful," or "Oh wow, you're so incredibly handsome." They don't care about anybody but themselves. It can be kind of sloppy.
Now, what's interesting is I wrote a book called "The Workplace Narcissist," that I'd love for you to check out because it is different from just that typical narcissist. Because narcissists, even though, um, they seem, you know, you think, "Oh, they, they want perfection," or they're the, the workplace narcissist is about the workaholic narcissist. So if you know any workaholics that are really difficult to deal with, it could be because they are the workplace narcissists. And that is different from a narcissist. Uh, those people can be so incredible that you never want to fire them because they do such incredible things. If any of these, you know, ISFJ, ISTJ, any of them are the actual workplace narcissists, they have a better chance of being far more successful. They may even throw you off a little bit more than just your typical narcissist.
These SJ narcissists will have a sense of entitlement, and they're going to want, they're going to figure out a way to get, uh, excessive admiration. They want to be recognized as amazing, even when their achievements don't warrant it. They're going to exaggerate their talents. They're going to be preoccupied with power, beauty, brilliance, success. If you were to climb inside their heads, that's what you will see. Uh, they may be highly selective about who they hang with because they want to be around people that they think are amazing as well. Uh, they are not going to be interested in the needs and feelings of others.
Now, they can kind of fake it sometimes, uh, like if there's a charity event or something like that. Um, they, it's not that they, they can't go along with that, or that they won't cooperate. But let's say someone comes to them and they're really upset or sad about something, they're going to be like, "I don't know why she was crying." They may whip you with sarcasm and never complete what it is that you need them to complete so that you can get your job done. But, but then if you question them or you say something to them, they're going to get an attitude and they're going to get mad. And it's like, you're, you're like, "What is up with this person?" Like, it's just so difficult.
They may insist on having the best of everything. They may come across as boastful, bragging about how amazing they are. "Oh, I was such a straight-A student." But you're like, "But you're not working up to your potential here, not even a little bit. So I don't get it." You know? Um, so yeah, they just, they make, they're just difficult, man. You don't want to put that on an on an SJ because it's going to intensify that personality type, and those people can make you absolutely miserable.
So you probably want to check out my book. I put a lot of things in there to try to help you because more and more people, it's hard to escape them, it really is. More than likely, you're going to work with a narcissist of some type, and it helps if you understand them and if you know how to handle them, or some strategies to handle them. So I'll put the link to my book in the description box down in a crappy mood. It's hard to get out of it by simply thinking happy thoughts, especially these days. Check out my jewelry at the Etsy link below. You'll be amazed at how good it feels to wear something that shifts your mood and lifts your spirit. Imagine wearing something fun and feeling better at the same time. Check out my book, "The Workplace Narcissist," by Tamara Hunter Zion on Amazon. Bye.