Transcription
Charisma is used to describe someone who has the ability to attract and influence others due to their charm, their personality, and their magnetism. We want to be charismatic, and it's so easy to think that you need to be born with charm in order to be charming. But I like to believe that being charismatic is a skill, one that anyone can learn and get good at with practice.
Welcome back to the IR playbook. I've been on a mission to become more charismatic as one of my goals for the year was to become a better people's person. And so with that said, I'm taking you along a journey to share everything that I've been learning. And in today's episode, we're going to discover your unique charm and how to leverage that into becoming more charismatic.
Everyone can be charismatic, but not all charisma is created the same. Just because you're naturally quiet or introverted, it doesn't mean that you cannot be charming. But what it does mean is that your charm may look different from someone that is more outgoing. Simply put, charisma looks different on different people. And so I want to introduce you to the charisma matrix. You may not have heard of it because I made it up.
On one spectrum, we have your presence. Are you naturally more soft and receptive? Or are you more bold and commanding? On the other spectrum, we have your expressive style. Are you naturally more reserved, quiet, and mysterious? Or are you naturally more outgoing and expressive? There is no right or wrong answer, just whichever describes you best. Depending on the combination, you may find yourself fitting into one of the four archetypes.
The first archetype is the enigma. She is mysterious, unreadable, and therefore intriguing. She's also soft. She's kind, and receptive, but she keeps to herself. She isn't loud and doesn't overshare, but not in a way that seems cold or closed off. She's just selective with who she lets in. Intentional with what she says, and that's what makes her so captivating. Think Angelina Jolie or Bella Hadid. These are two individuals who, despite their celebrity status, are more reserved, and there's this mystery to them built on their selectiveness. They don't feel the need to overshare to be relatable, nor do they feel the need to break every moment with silence. I can't help but think of that one challenge that Angelina Jolie had where she had to keep eye contact with some of her co-stars. No words were said, but the power in her stillness was so powerful that everyone broke contact.
If you resonate with this archetype and you feel like you're not charismatic because you don't have something witty to say all the time, that cannot be more false because that's exactly where your charm comes from. You say less, but it means more. You don't try to fill every silence and that stillness builds intrigue.
The next archetype is the darling. She is sweet, warm, and empathetic. She is soft and receptive like the enigma, but she is more outgoing and expressive, giving off that kind of girl nextdoor type of energy. She makes people feel safe, seen, and completely at ease. She may not be commanding, and influence the entire room at once, but her power comes from being able to connect deeply individually. Not overplaying a role or performing to be relatable, but because she's just genuinely sincere. Think Princess Diana or Zenaia. They both carry themselves with grace and kindness. They are emotionally warm, softly spoken, and deeply empathetic, but more outgoing. Princess Diana, even in her high pressure royal setting, or even Zenaia in her A-list celebrity status, they both remain soft, kind, approachable, and deeply human.
If you resonate with this archetype, but sometimes you feel like you're quote unquote too sensitive or too emotional, that may be true, but understand that that is exactly your charm and is what allows you to connect with someone on a level that many people probably cannot. Your charisma is rooted in softness and sincerity and your ability to make others feel special just by being around you.
The next archetype is the ice queen. She is confident, quiet, but commanding. She's bold, but not in a way that's loud, mysterious, but not out of insecurity. Everything she does is intentional. Her words, her movement, and even to her absence. She knows exactly when to speak and exactly when to let silence say it all.
If you resonate with this archetype, you might be able to relate to Miranda Priestley from The Devil Wears Prada. She's not very outgoing, especially if the work doesn't call for it, and she generally keeps to herself outside of what is necessary. But when she does speak, it's with precision, and it holds so much power, not from raising her voice, but because her presence and authority is so commanding.
If you resonate with this archetype, your charisma comes from your restraint. You don't reveal everything, nor do you overexlain because you're not afraid to be misunderstood. You don't fight for attention because your presence alone holds weight. There might be a cold elegance to you built from a calculated distance, whether intentionally or indirectly just because you're so focused on goals. But regardless, it makes people work to be in your world. And that's the point. You don't chase, you choose. You make people rise to the standards you set. And although it can be challenging, people are drawn to it because it requires them to hold themselves to higher standards.
Last but not least, we have the fourth archetype, the diva. She is bold and expressive. She lifts for the attention, but in a good way. She seems to captivate the entire room, not trying to impress and definitely, not out of desperation, but because her confidence is so contagious and her presence is just so impossible to ignore. She's bold in the way she speaks and how she moves and how she dresses even. She knows how to be playful and even dramatic when the time calls for it.
You may see parts of yourself in characters like Harley Quinn or Kella. They're bold, carefree, wild even, but at the same time captivating, and definitely unforgettable. Or a less chaotic example, we have Elle Woods. She's bold and expressive in her own ways with her pink, her fashion, and her refusal to be underestimated.
If you resonate with this archetype, your charisma comes from your boldness and your emotional freedom. You express yourself freely and fully, and that's exactly what makes you so alluring. You draw people in because everyone else is always following the rules, caring what to say and tending to what others people think and as a result censoring themselves. But you don't. Not because you're rude, but because you're not afraid of being honest and standing your ground and standing on what you believe in in a way that's rebellious, but at the same time genuine, because it's just who you are. You draw people in because you embody the very essence of who they want to be. Someone who can just be themselves freely and fully not care about what others think and just have fun with it.
Each of these four individual archetypes represents a unique charm, but all charming nonetheless. There is no one way to be charismatic. It's easy to think we're not charming in the same way. When you're comparing yourself to someone who may be more mysterious or more commanding or more outgoing, but instead of focusing on the areas that you think you lack, focus on your strengths and build on that.
Yes, charisma is a skill that can be learned and improved, but at the same time, it's also an art that you can only fully master by making it your own. I hope that this episode encourages you to see that you don't need to change who you are to be charming or magnetic. You just need to understand and study your own strengths so that you can use it to your charm.
That's it for today. Thank you for tuning in. If you want to join the conversation or have suggestions on upcoming episodes, be sure to join the girl newsletter. I hope to see you in the next one. And in the meantime, as always, stay hot. Bye.