Transcription
Making friends used to be easy. You'd show up to school, sit next to someone, and boom, you're friends. But nowadays, it's getting pretty hard to do that. You meet people, you talk, you get along, and then nothing. No followup, no plans, just, "we should hang out sometime," and then you never do. And the worst part is, you don't even know why. You're not a bad person. You're not boring. So why is it so hard to make actual friends now?
In this video, I want to talk about why making friends, you know, as you get older, is kind of hard and maybe give a little bit of tips here and there.
When you were a kid, making friends was fairly easy. You know, you were forced in the same room with the same people 5 days a week, and you had no choice but to interact. And that's how friendships happened: close proximity, repetition, and shared experience. You didn't have to try. You didn't have to think about it. You just existed in the same space as the other people. And eventually, some of them became your friends.
But now, none of that kind of exists anymore. I mean, you go to work, but you're just another co-orker. And there's no natural way to meet new people unless you actively seek it out. And even when you do meet new people, uh, it's different because everyone's busy, everyone's tired, everyone's already had their own friend group to talk to. And breaking into that feels impossible. So, you kind of end up in a weird place where you want friends, but you have no idea how to actually make them.
One big problem I see is that everyone has already established who their friend groups are. At least by the time they're in their mid-20s, late 20s, somewhere around there, unless they are an active person. But a lot of people nowadays, they don't do a lot. They have their core people, you know, the ones they've known since high school or college or even online, and they're not really looking for new friends. It's not that they don't like you; it's that they just, you know, they're already set. Their "social battery" (I hate that term, but you know, it's already used up on people they already know) and adding a new person, it takes effort. You know, talking, getting to know them, it might not work out. They don't want to waste their energy on that.
That's why when you meet new people and you really get along, it doesn't automatically turn into a friendship because they're not looking for one. They're just, you know, being polite. And you think there's potential, but to them, it's just another conversation. And that's frustrating because you're out here trying to, you know, make friends; you're trying to talk to people, and they're just existing.
Even when you do connect with someone, nobody follows up. You have a good conversation. You exchange numbers, you know, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever you use. Shoot, even Discord, that works too, I guess. And you say, "you know, we should hang out," and nothing.
You're probably not reaching out either because you don't want to seem desperate. You don't want to be the one who cares more. So, you wait for them to text first, and they're doing the same thing, and nothing ever happens. That happens with like everyone I know.
Or maybe you do reach out, you text them, you suggest plans, and they say, "Yeah, for sure," but never commit to a time. Or they cancel last minute, or they just stop responding. Uh, that one happens a lot. And after a while, you stop trying because it feels like you're the only one putting in effort, and that's exhausting for a person you don't even know.
And the reality is, everyone feels like this. Everyone's waiting for the other person to make the move. Everyone's afraid of seeming too eager. So, nobody does anything, and potential friendships just die.
To a lot of people nowadays, making friends as an adult is kind of awkward because there's no script for it. You know, when you were a kid, you could just ask someone, "Hey, want to play some Fortnite later?" Like, you kind of met him, and you're like, "Put on a paper, man. What's your, what's your PSN?" And even like experiences, people were able to talk about the same thing a lot because when you're younger, a lot of people could have the same interest, and that could be in like sports, school, whatever, you know, parties, big hangouts.
Nowadays, a lot more people, you ask them what they like, it's nothing remotely close to anything you do. 'Cuz once you leave school in that one area, you knew everyone's different. Even in high school, getting like a part-time job at McDonald's or some other restaurant chain, it would still be easy to talk to people and, you know, hang out later. Granted, a lot of those people were your age.
And me working at my full-time job, I realized, you know, people, they don't want to be friends with me. No one's really looking for friends. They're here [music] to work. And that's like the adult mentality. So, you're stuck in this weird in-between where you're trying to be friendly, but not too friendly; like interested, but not too desperate; cool, but not distant. I, it's exhausting trying to find that balance, and that, it's just weird.
And then there's the fear of rejection. What if they don't actually like me? What if they're just dealing with me 'cuz I'm just so stupid? What if they think you're weird for trying so hard? So, most people just don't try because it's easier not to talk to people than risk looking stupid.
And even when you do make friends, a lot of them, like I had, are surface level. You hang out, you have fun, but you never really talk [music] about anything real. You never go deep. It's just surface-level conversations and shallow hangouts. And that's fine for a while, but eventually, you realize you don't actually know these people, and they don't know you. You're just there filling time. Like, if you genuinely need help with something or need advice, I don't know, anything. And you [music] call that person, they're like, "No, man. Dude, I'm sorry. I have to go shower my grandpa real quick, dude. I'm sorry."
And a real friendship has some vulnerability in it. It requires being honest, and that requires actually letting someone in, and most people don't do that anymore because, you know, they won't say it's scary, but they'll say, "Why? No reason to."
I realistically have only two friends, and they make fun of me every day. And then me and my other friend make fun of that other friend, and then it goes in a circle. It just goes and goes and goes. No one's left out. Everyone's getting a piece of the pie, and we have real topics. We talk about real things that we actually care about. Those are people I can genuinely trust. But again, I knew those people since elementary school, since I was in third grade. Ever since then, I have not found anyone that I can be friends with on that same level. 'Cuz no one here just cares. No one cares. Like, you know, all these people, all these people know you, people you're friendly with, but not actual friends. Not people who really get you. And that's lonely, even when you're surrounded by people.
And like I said earlier, when I said I can, you know, give a couple tips on how to make friends, nothing ever applies to the same people. This advice probably applies to like one out of 50 people.
So, what I want to talk about first is again, being yourself. I, I've always talked about this in every video that has something to do with friendships, relationships, just something in that category. Just always just be yourself. [music] And I have another video that explains this perfectly as why you should. But just to shorten it, you don't want to give someone a false look, just a made-up person. People know me for me. Some people don't like me for me, and I'm cool with that. But if you're someone that's, you know, putting a fake persona, who are you? If you're acting like someone you really don't care about, then you're going to be with people you really don't care about.
And when I say this, people are going to say, "Well, actually, it's not entirely true." Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
And it's that friendships are all about connecting. It's all about again, shared experiences. What do me and my closest friends have in common? And I think that's playing video games. We share the exact same humor. Now, are we all different in other ways? Yes. Oh, we are completely different. We all have our own point of views on things. We're all not sharing a single brain cell. Different political views. We like different people. We hate different people. Different music tastes. But even that's another thing you should be happy about when you have friends that don't share all the same interests. You want to be a little different than your friends. And I talked about it again in another video. I don't want to keep restating everything because just go watch the other video. Help me out a little bit. Anyway, I'm, I'm going off track.
Friendships take effort. If you're not willing to put yourself out there in the way that you are, you're not going to have friends. And you can keep telling yourself that and keep lying to yourself, but you're really not. It's that simple.
So, here's like the meat and potatoes: How do you actually make friends as an adult? Or not even just as an adult, you know, just as a person. I don't know why I keep saying "as an adult," but you know, at any age, really.
And I personally think it's doing something you enjoy doing in a public space. If you like working out, say you go to a gym, maybe there's a club you like, maybe there's classes, you know, little areas you can go to. Or if you're not a gym person, but you go, don't be scared to ask for help because, you know, that's a potential thing right there. You're going to talk to someone that loves doing what you're doing, and they can probably talk for hours on what to do at the gym. A lot of people I know have gym buddies. You know, they met at the gym, and they'll go to the gym at the same time, around the same time, and they even hang out after the gym. Look at that. Awesome, right?
If you like golfing, join a golfing group. And it doesn't even have to be something gym-wise or physically fitness-wise. It can keep going down and down even to, you know, card collecting. I took a little trip to California and went to LA, and I went to a mall, and there were so many people card trading or battling whatever they were playing, and a lot of people there didn't know each other. They were just talking about what they like, and they were really getting into it, like really getting into it. And when people are like that, you can really tell that's their true selves.
If you love playing games, you can literally go to a Discord server, and there are people asking for specific things to play: "We need an extra person for this," "We need an extra person for this," "You know, can we make a group for this?" Sometimes people just want to chill out. There used to be an app for PlayStation. I forgot what it's called, but people can all just get in a group together. They exchange their PlayStation accounts and play. That's it. The age differences were kind of weird because I was like 13. They were like 30 and in their 20s. But, I mean, it was pretty cool. Um, I wouldn't go on there if you're 13. Some people could be weird, but, uh, it was pretty cool. I know there's like people that do role-playing in GTA right after they get out of work or school or whatever, and they [music] play with their online friends just to role-play on GTA. That's like, like there's a lot of games you can do stuff in.
And when you're talking to this person, and you, you know, you've been talking with them for quite some time, you know, ask a real question. Give them insight on something else that you like. Slowly, you figure out what they hate, what you hate, what you like, what they like. [music] And when that happens, it's like putting points in a skill tree, and it just keeps spreading out.
And even with that, I'd say give it time. There's nothing you can really force unless you lock them in like a basement or something that, yeah, okay, you got me there. But, you know, be consistent. No, don't talk to a person. Just avoid them for like a month and be like, "Hey, what's up, man?" No, no one likes that.
And the last thing I really have to say [music] is, accept that not everyone's going to be your friend. You don't need, and you shouldn't want, a million friends. In my personal opinion, you just need a few good ones. You know, it's like YouTube: Who's going to watch a channel with a thousand horrible videos when they possibly have a good 10 videos that are amazing, and people are wanting more? It's the [music] same thing with making friends. You want to focus on the quality, not on quantity.
Because I've had a lot of big friend groups, and they've all just gone down. And like I said, only down to the two last people until one of them dies. You know, I feel content. I'm very happy with the friends I have. And when [music] you have people like that, you don't want to lose them. You never want to lose them. Unless they slowly start to hate you and slowly plot on your downfall, then, okay, I think it's time. But my friends would do that.
Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good day. Um, this was kind of like, not a venting video. No, like I want to talk about this in a straightforward manner, you know, how I usually do, but I do genuinely find it hard to make friends with other adults in my situations. But it is what it is.
Please subscribe. Um, comment something for, you know, my channel to get recommended, something to boost the algorithm. Just anything. [music] It doesn't have to be part of the video. It can literally be anything. I don't care. But, uh, yeah, that's about it. And I'll see you guys pretty soon. Bye.