Transcription
If women are drafted to the military, I am most excited to see the confrontation between commanding officers and the girls. You think we're going to let you yell at us? You think we're going to do something without a please and thank you? We've all had controlling ex-boyfriends. We know not to put up with that. Like, let's sit down and have a conversation about what you want and what I want, and we'll reach a happy medium because there's no way I'm doing what you want when you use that tone with me. You think you can push us around like you do with these men? Think again, baby. You're going to learn some manners.
I mean, that is honestly adorable. These women are so delusional. And I get that the image of like the controlling ex-boyfriend, that sounds bad, but honestly, I've heard so many women say that their ex-boyfriends were controlling when what she actually means is he stood up for himself. He had standards. He had boundaries. He held me accountable. He's so controlling. But this woman talking about how the military needs to speak nicely to her, that is just the perfect display of female privilege and the embarrassing pride that so many women have in their own ignorance. Like so many women, she's pretending to be a victim. But every word out of her mouth actually proves how easy her life has been, and she doesn't even realize it. As I'm going to explain in this video, the standards that we hold women to are so much lower than they are for men. And so much conflict in relationships between men and women is actually caused by women not realizing how good they have it.
But first, as you guys know, my channel is all about relationships. And courtesy of the sponsors of this video, My Heritage, I've been busy exploring my family history. And it's fascinating what I found. There have definitely been some successful or at the least highly fertile relationships in my past. Full marks to my great great-grandfathers William and Thomas who each fathered 13 children. Can you imagine how noisy the house would have been at dinner time? Exploring my family history on My Heritage has been really interesting and genuinely fun. They are the leading global service in family history and DNA. And with access to 36 billion records, your detective work is so easy. Simply input some basic details about your parents and grandparents. Sit back and watch the magic happen. Birth, death, and marriage records, as well as contemporary news articles, are all at your fingertips. Suggestions for you to follow up appear, and with one click, you can dig further into what your ancestors got up to. Another of my great great grandparents, John Frederick, seems to have had two wives at the same time, which sounded innocent enough to me until I read a newspaper article which indicated he had been arrested for bigamy. As a disclaimer for this channel, despite my genetic inheritance, I generally just recommend one wife at a time. Using My Heritage is so simple. With one click, a whole branch of your family magically appears. And look what you can do with old photos. This is my great-grandfather, Hastings, who I grew up hearing stories about, but I never got to meet. There's an area where you can repair, colorize, and even animate so that you get a realistic insight into your ancestors. You're going to want to take advantage of their 14-day trial. So, scan the QR code on screen right now or click the link in the description box below.
Okay, back to the video and this woman who thinks that she's going to boss the military drill sergeant around. Understand the military operates under a strict hierarchy as most male endeavors that involve a coalition of men working together do, like a business or a sports team. There has to be a leader, a commanding general, a CEO, a coach. And for a team of men, all of the operations are guided by a strict purpose: Get the task done. Kill the enemy. Score the goal. Make the money. Success is measured by that achievement. And it is ruthless. When men work together, it is in high stakes situations. As cavemen, we had to cooperate to hunt the mammoth or to go to war with the enemy tribe. Amongst men, there is no room for mistakes. Wired into every man biologically and reinforced without mercy by the culture is the message that if you mess up, you will be punished. You must succeed. Failure is not an option. But the women back at camp, they were never under that kind of pressure. They're foraging for berries. They're looking after children. It is such a low stakes environment, and that's the female privilege. The man is hunting or he's in battle, and if he messes up, it can equal death. But if a woman makes a mistake, what's the worst that's going to happen? Her consequences are more social. She's likely to just be ostracized by the other women for a while. It's no wonder men fear consequences and women fear disconnection. The stakes are just different.
Now, as men, we like hierarchy where the person in charge clearly lays out what are the rules, what is each person's responsibilities. A chain of command is a good thing. We want to know who is in charge, who's making the decisions, and who's going to be blamed if it all goes wrong. That's really important for men because with our high stakes consequences, considerations of whose responsibility and who's at fault are extremely important, but it's not that important to women because they aren't held accountable in the same way that men are. See, women like group projects where there is shared leadership and shared responsibility. We're women. We don't need a hierarchy. We've we've evolved beyond that. Well, that's a nice privilege that you have, but let's be honest. The reason why you can be so casual is because the success of your task is not going to be measured by its achievement. The true purpose of your task is bonding. The connection that you have with each other. Whether or not the task gets completed is not so important to women. But did they have a good time? Did they enjoy each other's company? Do they feel closer as a group afterwards? What a beautiful low stakes experience of the world you are having. Female groups will prioritize harmony, emotional attunement and safety. And they will continue to prioritize those things even if performance suffers. But men do not get that privilege. And the army cannot function if it has women's comfort and emotional safety as its top priority. But if men want clearly defined roles, expectations, and accountability, and women want fluidity and joint leadership and shared responsibility, it's no wonder that so many couples have arguments because they are essentially talking different languages to each other.
I'm going to introduce you to a woman who had this exact issue. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years, but about 3 years ago, I was strongly considering divorce. Maybe I don't want to do this anymore. My husband and I had four kids. We both worked full-time. We had been together for 16 years. And on paper, I have an amazing husband. He is incredibly supportive. He's kind. He's loyal. He's a great dad. He's very hands-on. He's an active participant. He's always present.
Okay, this guy sounds amazing. He sounds so good. So, why were you considering divorce? Like, that's a pretty massive step to take. You have four kids. If you break up the family, you're going to destroy their sense of safety and stability. So whatever complaint you have about your husband, it's going to be really serious, right? Because you wouldn't break up your family over something small.
Women tend to carry a disproportionate amount of the work in the home, the work of raising kids, and the mental load. And that is exactly what happened to us. Because in most homes, this the the data supports this, women do a disproportionate amount of the work. They just do. They do more of the cooking and the cleaning and the laundry and the the child care while also working full-time. And men have more time for things like their hobbies, like golf for example, or just working out, running a marathon.
Sorry, but she's lying. It is such a tired narrative that women everywhere are this underclass of unpaid servants and domestic slaves that they're being exploited by men. I am so sick of hearing about this. It is a sexist, hateful lie that is designed to demonize men. And what she is saying is flat out not true. The data does not back up what she's saying. Never before in history have men ever contributed more to household duties than they do right now. We are at a historical high for men. And women are at a historical low. They have never done less. According to the Pew Research Center, from 1965 to 2011, men's housework has doubled while women's has halved. When this lady says that women do a disproportionate amount of the housework, I don't think she knows what the word proportionate means because proportionality means you judge a person's household contribution in total. The chores, the child care, and of course, the finances. Back in January, I released a video which showed the data from this same Pew Research. And if you combine all of the hours together, you see that fathers are contributing 54.2 hours to the household and mothers are contributing 52.7 hours. Her claim that women do proportionately more is a lie. On average, husbands and fathers contribute more to a household than women do. And that's not to mention the fact that not all housework is the same. If dad is out there in the world working some manual labor job like construction or something that is significantly harder than whatever she's doing back at home. I know that women love to play the martyr when it comes to their domestic duties. But let's be honest, cleaning is easy. You vacuum, you do some laundry, but you're still in the comfort of your own home. You can take breaks whenever you want. You can listen to music or a podcast while you're working. There's probably some guy out there right now who's listening to this video while he's doing some housework. To that guy, let me say it's not that bad, right? You're cleaning up the kitchen or whatever while listening to my voice. There's worse things to be doing. Housework's not that difficult. And there's no way that there's an equal comparison for child care. Babies are cute. Kids are fun. Stop playing the martyr because you have to spend time with your own children. You are so blind to your privilege. Do you know that there are so many dads out there who are desperate to spend more time with their kids? They want to work less, but they don't have that freedom because the financial responsibility falls on them. I'm so tired of women martyring themselves like this. They're so delusional.
And the mental load and the mental load and the mental load.
And I get planning kids' routines, the family meals, making sure everyone's got enough clean clothes. That does take mental effort, okay? Like mental load is real. But on the domestic side, we hear about it so much. Every man has heard women complain about it like it is this unique thing that only women go through. But what's so frustrating is that women don't realize that that is their privilege that they are allowed to complain about it and men have to sympathize otherwise they're monsters. And it stings because most women have no idea of the mental load that the man is carrying. Thinking about the family's values, their finances, their safety. All high-risk areas with really big consequences if he makes a mistake. But he takes on that leadership. He accepts all of that responsibility and that creates a huge mental load. But he gets no appreciation of that because unlike her, he doesn't complain about it. It's so sad. But out of a sense of honor, men will stoically refuse to whine about their anxieties. They suffer in silence because unlike women, they don't want to burden their partner with their struggles. And you'd think that that kind of generosity of spirit might be appreciated by women. But no, it's the exact opposite. The fact that they're quietly suffering means that women take that completely for granted. For all of your contributions, that's your reward. She doesn't even see what you're doing.
And there was this one morning where I woke up and I went to put something in the trash and it was overflowing. And I went to get my son's water bottle and it was in the dishwasher with all the other clean dishes. And I felt so disrespected and unseen and unvalued at that point in time. And I remember texting my husband being like, "What happened?" Like, "Why didn't you do this?" And he said, "Sorry, I was running late for work." And I remember thinking, "Oh my god, he doesn't see me." Because what he's done has now made me late for work. And he doesn't care about that. He doesn't care about the impact on me. And he doesn't see how every single thing in our home happens because I asked him to do it or because I do it myself or because I planned and organized it. The diaper bag is full because I filled it, right? I put the wipes in there. And I felt so frustrated and I remember thinking, "What's the point?" I felt so taken advantage of in our relationship.
I mean, the lack of self-awareness from women like this is frightening. You can't make this stuff up. Her complaint is that she did not feel seen by her husband. And in that same sentence, she says, "He doesn't care how this impacts me. He doesn't value what I do. I feel disrespected." All of this over a mistake that he apologized for. And yet her interpretation is he's taking advantage of me. She doesn't feel seen because he forgot to empty the dishwasher. Do you think that he feels seen when she paints this picture of him as this awful person that is exploiting her? The irony. I mean, how do women who say this stuff not see their own hypocrisy? And let me explain something to this woman because if her husband agreed to unstack the dishwasher, like he took on that commitment, then he should fulfill it. But women everywhere, let me ask you this question. Do you think that your boyfriends and husbands are going to want to take on additional duties when any mistakes that they make are going to be interpreted by you as though it is an existential stain on the relationship? No, it's not as simple as, "Oh, I forgot it slipped my mind." No, this warrants a full emotional meltdown and now she's justified in accusing you of taking advantage of her. If that's the way that you approach stuff like this, most men are going to be like, "Okay, I don't want to take on any more duties because it's so much simpler when the kitchen was just your sole responsibility." See, women love shared responsibility and they don't understand why men don't want to participate in that system. Let's both be in charge of the kitchen. We're both in charge of the cleaning. But men aren't falling for it. They know what's actually going on. Because while women talk a big game about collaboration and shared ownership, the experience that most men have is that if something slips through the cracks and things fall apart, then he is the one who's going to be blamed. At the start, she was saying, "Oh, no, no. We're we're equal." But when the chips are down, she turns to you and she says, "Well, you're the man. Step up." And just like the rest of society that has no tolerance for the mistakes made by men, the punishments and consequences that he's going to receive for any perceived mistakes are so disproportionate to the actual offense that a lot of men just don't want to even play that game. They're not interested. All her talk of shared responsibility, they're like, "No, that's a trap. I'm being set up to fail and I'm not interested in playing any of these games."
I remember looking at my husband and saying, "I need more. I need you to do more. I am exhausted. I am in charge of everyone and everything in this house. Every night when we cook dinner, you ask me what to make. Every day when you drop off the kids at daycare, you ask me what they need in their backpacks. I am the project manager of this home and I need you to do more." And he looked at me and he said, "Okay, just tell me what to do." Right? Every woman has heard this. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it.
Yep. This is a common complaint from women. Like, why do men need to be told what to do? Are they being passive aggressive? Is this weaponized incompetence? Are they lazy? Are they stupid? No, they're smart. Because in most cases, the shared responsibility that's being pushed by the woman is a scam. She says, "I need you to make this decision." But guess what? If you, as the man, make the wrong decision, then all hell breaks loose. She might say, "Just figure it out. Use your own judgment." But that doesn't mean that she's going to agree with whatever judgment you make. That she's going to follow your leadership and support your choice. Again, this is the female privilege because so many women, they want the man to make the decision, but they also want the freedom to undermine and criticize whatever decision you make. Hey, honey, what would you like for dinner tonight? Oh, I don't mind. You decide. Okay, no worries. Let's get some pizza. No, not pizza. Oh, okay. All right. Well, let's get some Thai food. No, I don't really feel like Thai food. Okay. Well, what food do you want? Don't yell at me. I'm not yelling. I just want to know. What do you want for dinner? I told you I don't care. I want you to decide. It is such a childish thing. Anyone who pulls this crap, it's so childish. They need to grow up. Women, if you want men to help more, maybe you could make a little bit more effort in understanding the way that men work. We're not going to do this shared responsibility scam. We're not falling for it. And we will not take responsibility for anything that we don't have authority over. This is how it is from a man's perspective. Am I in charge or am I not in charge? What's the bottom line? If you are in charge, that's completely fine with me. You take ownership of it. You take accountability. Great. You have my full support and I'll help however I can. My body is just an instrument of your mind. Tell me what to do. But if I'm in charge, then I expect the same. I want your full support. I want clearly defined roles and expectations. And I refuse to be in a relationship where I can be undermined or criticized at a moment's notice based on your shifting moods and emotions. I've heard this story from so many men. It goes like this. Like a woman says, "I need you to take ownership of this household task. I'm overwhelmed. I need you to step up. You need to do more. Like the laundry, I can't handle the laundry." And he says, "Okay, no worries." And so he looks at the laundry like it's a problem to be solved. He looks at all of the variables, all of the data, and he comes up with a plan. Okay, it builds up like this. We need it on this day. I think what I'm going to do is I'll put all of the washing from the week into this big basket and then I'll do multiple loads on Sunday and then we'll have clothes for the week. That's how I'm going to handle this. And he feels good about himself. He's taken ownership. He's taken responsibility. He's come up with a plan. He judges his solution to be the most efficient and that's what works for him and his schedule. And so he implements this plan. But when she sees the way that he's doing it, she says, "No, that's not how we do laundry. I want the laundry done in multiple small loads throughout the week. That's how I've always done it." Wait, wait, wait, stop. No, it's not going to work like that. If I'm in charge, then it's my decision how it gets done. I never criticize the way that you did laundry. You did it throughout the week. That's fine because that's your domain. That's your choice. But now that it's my responsibility, I get to decide how it's done. And you've lost the freedom to dictate how it should be done. There is no authority without responsibility. That is the masculine code. You probably heard the saying that strong fences make good neighbors. That's what's going on here. Clearly defined roles and expectations are actually good for a relationship. When everything's murky and messy and gray, when nobody knows what's expected of them, that's when things can turn toxic. So, in case this style of relationship is sounding too individualistic to you, let me make this absolutely clear. This is actually the best way to make you and your wife a team, not an arrangement with shared responsibility where the janitor and the CEO are both in charge of the same things and there's a whole confusing mess. No, teamwork in a relationship means very clearly understanding these parts are my responsibility and those parts are your responsibility. We are each accountable and in charge of our own domains. And the sum of your contribution when combined with the sum of my contribution equals a happy relationship. But of course, many women will hate this because they want to be able to dictate how the man handles his business. Or they want to avoid accountability. They don't like the idea that some things actually fall on them clearly. And so they'll complain and whine and try and bully you into some kind of ridiculous like feminized agreement. But do not budge on this. Trust me, this is for your protection. And I'm going to spend the rest of this video giving you practical tips on how to implement this in a relationship. How to explain this to your partner who doesn't understand this perspective and also what to do in those slightly messier situations like parenting where it is legitimately a shared responsibility. I'm going to go into all of that. So, if you want to keep watching this video and understand this stuff at a deeper level, come and sign up on my Patreon. That's where I'm going to post the extended version of this video like I do all of my videos. And the best news is that in celebration of my birthday month, I'm running a 37% discount. So, it's never been more affordable to come and check out what my Patreon has to offer. And also a reminder to start uncovering your story today with the My Heritage offer for their 14-day free trial.