Transcription
You can be the most beautiful, sexy woman that walked on this earth and just so happen to have the worst luck when it comes to men, and it's very easy to blame men for being confusing, pulling away, losing interest, and marking it as a flaw gender. When in reality, it doesn't have anything to do with the looks or the achievements or success that a woman has.
And why is it, on the other hand, that there are just some women who are this magnet who men are so obsessed over and just cannot get enough of? And the answer to that truly comes down to emotional intelligence and how a woman internally is able to manage her emotions in a way that benefits her and everyone around her.
In today's video, we are going to do a deep dive on emotionally intelligent habits that you can imply and learn more about your emotions as a woman and become more emotionally intelligent when it comes to yourself and how you are perceived by others. Because a lot of times, we mean well, and just the execution does not come off across the way that we intend. And that's just how we end up getting in cycles and patterns. And you get to a point in your life that you're like, like, what's going on? It feels something is off, but you just can't name it. You could be really trying your best and being your authentic self. But by becoming more emotionally intelligent, you will actually be able to have a more conscious understanding of how your behaviors and emotions play a part in your everyday life. So, let's get right into it.
Starting off with learning to have direct and vulnerable communication. One of the things I'm sure you've heard from men has been, "Oh, women are so complicated. They don't know what they want, etc., etc." And this is where that habit comes in because what that means is communicating in a way that is not manipulative. It is not playing games. And the most infamous one is not making him read your mind. And when you're able to communicate in this way, it is so refreshing and attractive to a man because they are just so used to having to decode everything, not knowing what's wrong, having to walk on eggshells. And so what that does is remove the anxiety that comes from that. And what person doesn't want to be around somebody that doesn't cause them this eminent anxiety when it comes down to communicating pretty much anything, especially in those more tougher conversations? And so when that anxiety is removed, it becomes peaceful. And what makes a woman so attractive is that aura of peace. It's becoming that place of peace. Because bottom line, everybody wants to feel that. You as a woman too. And a man does also, but in terms of emotionally where he can be just emotionally relaxed around a woman, quite frankly, never want to be away from somebody that can make him feel that way.
This habit also raises your sense of confidence because what you signal is that I do not need to manipulate in order to be understood. And so you are not chasing a reaction or trying to control him emotionally. You are just expressing, then letting him respond. It's that simple. There is no unnecessary extra chaos that goes on, and the activity becomes so much less emotionally expensive, and situations are not made into a greater deal than they really have to be. I think the biggest thing that comes with this habit is that it creates such an emotional safe environment because when you are able to communicate without becoming explosive or shutting down, he feels safe opening up and trusts your reactions. When a man feels emotionally safe, that's when he can attach. And on the other hand, when a man cannot be emotionally safe, he cannot attach. Because men are naturally wired to be in a fixer mode. And when something is constantly always wrong, his guards are always up, and it signals that there is something wrong here that I cannot fix. And that leads to burnout. And that's what eventually causes that clash and downfall of any initial spark or initial attraction that allowed that relationship to begin with in the first place. And I talked about this a little on my last video about becoming more magnetic. But when you are able to communicate in a way that is not chaotic and loud, that signals that you are regulated and expressive, and that combo is just extremely magnetic.
An example of this situation can come when he does something that you don't like, and instead of communicating that, you just act a certain way or you just keep letting it slide for the fear of not wanting to be confrontational about it. So, it just happens and it happens, and it gets to a point where it just accumulates, and resentment builds, and an explosive episode can happen like you've just had it. And all of that is just a recipe for disaster because what happens is that instinctively you'll just start throwing little jabs or start becoming passive-aggressive. And a lot of times, if something is not communicated directly, the other person is left like, what's like, what's going on? And there's this air of just confusion. And that is not a good energy to be around. And so how you would implement this habit would be initially, the first time that something has happened that you don't like, would be sitting down and saying, "Hey, I've noticed this happened a few times. I don't like it. Can we fix it? Explain why you don't like it." And it is up to the person to either respect you enough to follow through with your boundaries. And what you do there is that you address those patterns early instead of punishing them later. And another one would be like the famous, like, if he wanted to, he would, which yes, in a lot of times, if he wanted to, he would. But a lot of times they don't even know what we want or what's in our mind, like they're not mind readers. And by simply stating, "I like this, this is what I want," then it is up to the person now. They have the information and it can act accordingly. So try it. Implement this habit, especially if it's something that you don't like. Don't let it build into resentment and into just a whole chaotic ball later. Have direct and vulnerable communication. In the long run, it'll just be the best for both of you. But this sense of emotional safety and security will just be so attractive.
The next habit that we have is actively becoming your own independent source of emotional fulfillment. Now, what does that mean? When a woman is solely responsible for her own emotional fulfillment and emotional life, she is not dependent on any exterior circumstance that dictates whether she will be happy, sad, mad, or etc. She completely is her own source of emotional fulfillment. And that is just one of the most amazing things that a woman can implement in her own self because that eliminates the need for external validation. Like, think about it. If your own emotional life depends on a person, that is a very dangerous and risky situation to be in. Because when you put your emotional life on the hands of someone else, you don't have any control over it. You don't know how that's going to play out in the long run. And that is just a very risky way to live.
And on the other hand, when a woman is not emotionally fulfilled internally, this creates a sense of obligation for men, a sense of weight for them. And when a man feels that in order for a woman to emotionally survive, she needs him, this actually makes the woman look way less attractive because that creates pressure instead of desire. And attraction for a man is especially the strongest when it feels that she is actively choosing him and does not need him in order for survival. And when you're able to go from need to choice, choice equals freedom, and freedom grows attraction. Need creates pressure, and pressure shrinks attraction. And this doesn't just apply with relationships. This applies to anything. When you have the choice to do something, that is freedom. But when something is just creating so much pressure to you, it starts to lose that attraction. And when a woman is emotionally fulfilled inside, there is more freedom around her, more respect for her, more curiosity about her, and less pressure to have to manage her emotions. And this creates more desire to pursue, invest, and just be around her energy because this energy is so free and loving and warm. Where on the other hand, it becomes draining when somebody is responsible for the emotional well-being of another person 24/7.
An example of how to actually use this habit would be say you miss the person and instead of just going off texting like, "What are you doing? Why aren't you responding this and that?" Instead of obsessing over his energy the whole day, you start putting that energy towards you. You go to the gym, journal, take a hike, see your friends, keep living, and not allowing somebody else's actions to dictate whether you're going to be upset or not. Like that, on paper, sounds silly. And instead of resenting the person for not fulfilling those emotional gaps in you, you take that responsibility and do it yourself. So try that. Every time a similar situation may come up, just redirect that energy towards you. And that is something a little more rare these days.
The next habit on the list is having active empathy without self-sacrificing. And what that means is having the ability to understand others without completely having to agree with them or become self-sacrificing in the moment. Being able to read emotional cues and responding with care, all without collapsing your standards, boundaries, self-respect, just for the sake of keeping peace. Why having the ability to implement this habit is because a lot of people stem in two extremes. Either becoming overly giving or overly accommodating, over-sacrificing, or becoming extremely dismissive or extremely cold. But when you're able to hold space and understand the situation and approach the situation from an area of empathy, it comes from a place of understanding. Being deeply understood is psychologically one of the strongest bonding experiences one can have. And this is really important because men, or just people in general, don't want solutions, but truly just want to feel seen and understood. And this is where it gets a little confusing because a lot of people equate having empathy to agreeing. And that is not the case. For example, a man could express frustration in a way that you didn't like. Maybe it could be acting out in a certain way that you don't agree with. And instead of being immediately defensive and reactive about it, having the ability to separate yourself from the situation, understanding why something upset the person, does not automatically equal tolerating disrespect. So being like, "I understand why this upset you. I understand why it really mattered to you, but I am not okay with X, Y, and Z." And communicating that directly makes men respond so strongly to this because men are incredibly drawn to a woman who is able to understand him without making herself weak, and he can actually respect and value the input that comes from you. It feels that he could be honest with you, but are not easy to manipulate. And all of that gives you more respect, trust, admiration, emotional safety. And this is very attractive because this all comes from a place of self-respect and confidence. It signals over that I can have compassion for you, but still choose me. And people are drawn to others that can make them feel emotionally safe. So next time you are in a similar situation, try having active empathy for the other person, but still being firm in your standards, your boundaries, and it'll just be a win-win for both parties.
That is all I have for today's video. Let me know if there was a certain habit that stuck out most to you, or if there is one that you would like me to make a more deeper dive on. Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you in the next.