Transcription
Around the Cosmic Campfire by Tony Wright
Chapter 13: The Snake
When my daughter was in grade school, she spent a couple of years admiring one of our neighbors' pets—a python. I myself was scared to death of snakes, and in fact, I used to have panic attacks. I said, "Girl, if I saw a snake in the yard, even the little harmless garter snakes, alive or dead, they somehow got destroyed on a regular basis by my dad's lawnmower." And since my parents gardened, we just seemed to draw in snakes throughout the warmer season. There was no real logic to my fear, except I was a little girl, and they were just creepy.
After two years of my daughter asking for a snake, and since we lived in the forest and were fairly open to letting the kids have new experiences of all kinds, I finally said, "Okay." I had no idea how I was going to handle having a reptile in the house, but I figured, of course, in a terrarium, could it be much worse than having a rodent, like a guinea pig? I declared with hope it could not. But then I was always positioning to ridiculously adjust to others' people's wants, permitting a squeeze, a person to death, jungle snake included.
When Christmas approached, I made the decision to go to the mall, to the pet store, and have a look. I'd go to check out the cost, practicality, and get some pointers on how to be the perfect snake owner. When I got to the store, I asked them to show me what they had, if it wasn't too large. I wasn't even sure what "too large" meant, but I secretly wanted it to be slow, too, in case I had to ever outrun it. Of course, I'm just kidding—or am I? They gave me some tutorial time, informing me they only had one little python. Then I said, "Bring it out." I heard myself say it from far, far away in my head. They went to the back and got it. It was about two and a half feet long, and I said, "Put it on me." Yes, I heard myself say it from far, far away. They did.
It was like a dream that those words came out of my own mouth. What I found interesting, as it curled up my left arm, slowly feeling its way into my energy world, checking me out. When it got up to my shoulder, it completely stopped and looked at me square in the eyes. As I turned to look at it—what a beautiful face! For sure, I was in shock that it was not slimy or creepy at all, but such an amazing creature with markings that were sheer art. For a moment, I imagined it had eyelashes, and then it smiled at me. I must have momentarily lost my mind in this ridiculous cartoon of a moment. I felt like I had been flown to the moon and back. It seemed impossible that I requested another human to put a snake on me and let it tour around my body. But I had made some declarations that I wanted to stop being afraid of everything I had ever feared in my life. I vowed to conquer everything and lead myself to many more experiences I could not do if I was frightened—yes, even conquering my fear of snakes.
I told them I wanted it and the terrarium, but I could not pick it up until next week, which was closer to Christmas. I didn't want Snakey to be found hiding in the closet in its terrarium by my daughter before Christmas Day. So I paid for it, and they kindly held it for me. My sister was flying in from Iowa to Tennessee to visit, and I would just get it done the week my sister came in. I announced to her that we had to go to the mall, and she was delighted because she loved to shop. I hate to shop. Yep, pretended we were going to saunter around and just be girls gawking in store fronts. I did not reveal the snake plan, as she wouldn't really understand or welcome a day of snake communing. When we got there, I steered us over to the pet store after our little shopping time and told her I needed her help. I had to pick up Emily's Christmas present, and it happened to be a python. Per usual, she had no idea what to think of me, as I had been doing such strange things, things off her radar for many years. It seemed impossible we had ever inhabited the same womb.
We got the terrarium, and they put the snake in the box with oxygen holes, and we headed on home. We got in the Subaru, and my sis was in the passenger seat holding a box with a python in it on her lap. She finally started to snicker about how she never imagined this would be true, and I was getting excited just thinking about my daughter getting the gift of a lifetime. We just could not stop laughing. We both decided that on the way home, we deserved to get some booze for when we got there as a reward for accomplishing this ridiculous thing. So I stopped at the liquor store and left her in the car with a snake. Once I got a traditional Christmas bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, I was just jazzed. As I went to pay for it, I said—and it was the only thing I said to the clerk—"I'm very excited; you'll never guess what I have in the car." He took my money and opened the cash drawer and looked at me with a straight face and said, "Monty Python?" Who on Earth did that come from his mind? And it's one of those fun things that really means nothing but just shows how minds can connect and play little games and make life fun. I'm still laughing about that "Monty Python."
Yes, indeed, my sweet, squeezy snake had its new name. Perhaps I transmitted it; perhaps the clerk just received what I was thinking in my mind. Whatever it was, it was certainly fun. So was our Bailey's and cream. Finishing up the Bailey's Irish Cream as gift opening began on Christmas Day, my daughter was very excited with the big reveal. My sister had flown back home, but my mother-in-law, however, who had flown in from Houston for the holiday, was unaware of the gift until it was brought downstairs. She was an aging British woman who was often tricky to get along with at times, and sometimes just very hard to get along with. But this time, I certainly did understand it. She looked at the python, Monty looked at her; there was much screaming and shouting. I mean, there was much screaming and shouting, and she was threatening to get on the next plane home. There was much ado happening, people scrambling, mother fleeing the room, the dog flopping around. We were trying not to laugh as the poor lady was hysterical. Did I mention there was much screaming and shouting? She was threatening to go home. I had to have another snifter of Bailey's. It was certainly the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I tipped my glass to Monty, who had no idea of our human, unreasonable hysteria as he blinked and watched with interest from his new glass home. I realized life was just a carnival in a circus, all in one—that life can be so much fun, even as it is unpredictable. Who knew how much fun a little booze and a pretty darn big snake could be?