Transcription
Hey, you don't ignore the smoke. That's polyanto. I promise. How to validate yourself so deeply, so intensely that you never search for it in any or anyone else again.
Now, look, this is such a lifelong process, but there is a three-part framework that I'm going to walk you through in this video that completely transformed my life. It does not matter and I do not care the pit that you feel like you are in. If you are experiencing depressive or anxious thoughts that feel so strong and so all-encompassing, this can work for you. And I am literally like holding your hand as I'm saying this because I know exactly what it feels like to be there, to be in that place where you feel so powerless. I am here to tell you, you are so powerful. You can transmute everything that you are feeling right now into creating the most beautiful life possible.
When I was 14, my dad passed away from cancer and it caused an insane financial emotional burden in my world and in my family. At the same time, I grew up in the Miami party scene, so I also involved myself in bad friend groups. I didn't feel like I had anyone to go to. I had multiple people, whether it was a close friend or a romantic partner that took advantage of me or stabbed me in the back in some way. And those are such formative years. And I struggled with issues of searching for validation, needing approval, making myself small to appease other people for so long. And this is just a small example to illustrate the state of mind that I used to be in was I used to when I would go to work or when I would go to a school environment would change my outfit like six or seven times before leaving the house because I needed to see what it would look like in everyone else's eyes. And but now things are so different. I have a relationship with myself now where I am like this. And even if I have a bad day, even if intrusive thoughts do flare up and I feel like that fear trigger or that weird response in my gut and in my throat, I always work through it. It never gets to the point that I used to because of this framework.
So the first thing, this is going to be interactive. Okay, let's start at your trigger. Bring to mind someone or a situation that has triggered you in the past. Now, where most people get caught is they have this trigger and then they immediately want to feed it. And feeding it can look like a bunch of different ways. If it is someone who triggers you, you can try and find evidence for why you should feel that way. Going back in the past and looping over in every interaction you've had, it might look like trying to bring them down or trying to talk badly about them to other people. For example, I get some hate comments sometimes or like some comments that are just like negative and like it's definitely clearly like the person is hurting and like they need a place to vent. There's some videos that I make that aren't for everybody. That's the whole point is I'm trying to like bridge a bunch of different gaps. And everything that I post before I post it, I always pray. I always say, "Please send this with the highest form of light and love." But of course, people are going to receive it differently, and that's totally fine. I know where I'm coming from, but if I, for example, trigger people online, them feeding that trigger would be sending a rude comment or like a nasty comment. Like me with my 15 years of using the internet, I have never once left a nasty or a rude comment or like tried to correct someone in the comments because I recognize they're doing their thing. That's like really vulnerable for them to be online like that and then I just keep scrolling if I don't like it. If it's someone that I do watch regularly, I'm like, "Okay, that was their vibe for today. It doesn't bother me." But the majority of people feed their triggers, and that's what causes so much polarity. That is what causes all of this one-dimensionalizing online where people think that they can just attack each other, where people dehumanize the other person.
If a thing or a situation triggered you, like for example, there was a hospital that my dad was treated at where he wasn't treated very much like a human, like he was very the people that worked at the hospital were extremely cold towards us and towards our family. I could take that and completely identify with that. I could say these people suck. This situation like we didn't deserve that situation and attach to it so much with this righteousness. And what does that do for me? That means that I'm now vibrating on the level of not forgiving other people. I am taking that negative experience and making it toxic to myself. And so that means that I can't go out and be a better person. That means that I can't go and operate on those frequencies of light and of joy for other people. But hm, that does not mean not feel your feelings. That gets us into part two. We are all about feeling emotions because you need to feel them in order to release them.
Let's get to part two of this framework. So now that you have the thing that has triggered you, you need to peel back the layers to understand what is the root emotion causing this. Cuz here's the thing, thoughts only feel so real because of the emotional potency that they have. If you're an OG on this channel, you know that I was struggling for a very long time from a narcissistic relationship and breakup. And I remember, especially because of the OCD, I thought about the situation so much and the thoughts were so distressing and intrusive that I literally thought I was going crazy. But I was focused too much on the thought level. And this is something that I started to live by in this time of my life was if the thought leads to more thinking, you are most likely going the wrong way. Because the thinking mind, the egoic mind loves to give reasoning. It loves to give evidence. It loves to provide you with more thoughts because it just brings you down that hole. The more you are thinking unconsciously, the more you are identifying with your thoughts. But we are not our thoughts. We are consciousness. You are listening to my voice right now. You might be watching the screen or you might be doing something else. Feel the sensations on your skin. You are consciousness.
So what does this have to do with validation? When you start to peel back the layers and try and figure out what is the root emotion driving this, you can release that emotion and start to validate yourself. Oh, and this is when it gets so good because like I said before, most people are caught in that state of they have their trigger, immediately they go to feed it and then they stay stuck in this loop. And within that loop, you try to search for people to validate you. You start to rely on instant pleasures such as like quick dopamine hits online or even people right now in my academic environment where I'm doing research, a lot of people rely on academic validation. And when they're not getting it, they feel terrible about themselves. They feel worthless. They feel hopeless. For me, I was getting my validation from my relationships. And so as soon as those were withdrawn from me, I lost my sense of self and I needed to go into that dark pit in order to truly validate myself because there was a void there. There was a wound there.
So this is why your triggers and leaning into your triggers is the best teacher ever. It is like the most important thing that you can do on your healing journey because they are literally telling you, hey, this is my wound. I am here. Please pay attention to me because once you heal me, once you recognize me, we can release this and we can have a completely different life. So, what is the root emotion driving your trigger? And the majority of all triggers, once you start to peel back the layers, once you start to ask, why do I feel this way? When was the first time in my life I have felt this way? What is it about this thing outside of me that is making me feel this way? Really tap into the sensation that arises in your body. For me personally, it's always in like my chest, my solar plexus area and my throat chakra. It starts to tighten up and my chest starts to burn. like it is a very sensory experience. The majority of all triggers once you start to peel back the layers, they usually are fear or shame. Anger usually is a cover up for fear. Because if you are someone that experiences intense levels of anger and frustration and irritation, that is usually a shield that you taught yourself at a very young age when you were so scared. That is we getting real today. We're getting real today.
So once you have your emotion, let's get to step three. Step three of this framework, you can release it. Now, this isn't a one-and-done thing. I am still releasing emotions from that time in my life where my dad was passing. And once you stop the trigger distraction loop, that is when you start building a real relationship with yourself. That is a real relationship with yourself is sitting in the mud, sitting with your emotions and being able to release them. And so, how do we do this? There are three things that have actually changed this for me. They have been so helpful in my healing journey for energy release and for emotion release. And they are the EFT tapping method, active breath work, and somatic shaking.
So, for EFT tapping, you tap along points. The way that I do this is I I have my trigger and I lean the into it. You really lean into it while tapping on these points and you allow the emotion to come up. You might start yawning. You might start having tears coming down. That is emotion release and it is so good. It actually becomes so addicting because you feel so much lighter afterwards. And when it starts happening and when you start making a skill of this, you realize that it wasn't ever yours. It was an older version of you that really needed to release it. And so the second thing I actually think if you're a beginner, start here. Start with active breath work. It is so good. I actually got an email recently. If you're watching this, you will know who you are. I got an email from some a super sweet um subscriber and he said that I talked about Wimhof breathing in one of my recent videos and Wimhof breathing. If you don't know where to start, start with that. It is an active energy breath work. It brings you right into the present moment. Like it forces you into the present moment. Also, Breathe with Sandy is another YouTuber and he does all active breath work and I watch so many of his videos. They are so good. There have been so many moments when watching breathing with Sandy where I start crying or I will start like moaning or shaking because it's literally energy release and shaking leads me into the third one which is somatic shaking. And this is chef's kits kits. chef's kiss for anxiety. When I have a very hyperactive mind, maybe I had a little bit like too much caffeine that day or whatever it is, I will literally blast music in my room alone and shake my entire body like no one's watching. I will even like make weird faces like you need to like get into it because the thing about anxiety and the thing about intrusive thinking and feeding the thinking mind, you get very still. You get very like you disassociate, right? And so it feels like all of it is taking over your body. That is why a lot of people with anxiety, they have like bouncy knees or like they fidget a lot because that is excess energy trying to leave so badly. So when you give your whole body permission to do that, it feels so good. And it there's also an element of not being scared of looking silly. With western society, people are so on edge all the time. Like you need to look perfect. You need to stand up straight. You need to like put on this little persona. And so with sematic shaking, you can release all of that. Like allow yourself to look silly. Like let yourself be weird. Allow your inner child to come back out.
And so when you release these emotions, when you recognize them, when you hold the space for them and look at them right in the eyes as if they were a person with a kind and loving heart, they start to become less real. They start to become less potent. And with that, the thoughts become less real and become less potent. And that, my love, is how you really validate yourself. Because you need to see here that this is where your trigger begins, right? What is your trigger? Most people get stuck here. And in this loop is where all of the seeking of external validation comes from. This is where like the hooking up for validation, the shopping, the instant dopamine hits. All of that is stuck here because this is the path of resistance. This is this is the path where it's like difficult to do that because releasing emotions can feel so difficult. It can feel so heavy sometimes, but once you realize how important it is and how much lighter you feel on the other side, it becomes like exercise. It becomes addicting, like you want to do more of it. But since our brains just want to protect us, the majority of people get stuck in that loop. And it is in the moment the path of least resistance. However, over time, you are not going to have a real relationship with yourself. And what happens when you don't have a real relationship with someone else, but you spend all of your time with them? You're going to start fighting. You're going to get annoyed. You're going to feel on edge. You're going to have anxiety. They might drain the hell out of your energy and leave you feeling depressed and low. You might feel the need to attack people. You might get irritable. We can breathe. Like we can take our power back and contribute to society in a way that can be really beautiful and really special. But it goes it starts here. It starts with understanding it and it starts with figuring out what your root emotions are that are driving it.
That is all for today. I am sending you so much healing and so much light on this journey. I know that it is a difficult one, but you so deserve it. And once you start doing it just a little bit, you're like, "Oh, this is good." Like, I can keep doing this. If you would like something to help you more deeply on this process, I have a workbook that has so many of the tools that completely healed me from my depressive episodes and from my intrusive thought loops. And it is designed to be a 14-day, a two-week process. So yeah, if you like the vibes, subscribe, comment down below what you like, and I'll see you in the next.