Transcription
There are seven secrets about you that you should never reveal to your wife. I'll tell you why. Welcome back, dear friends. A question I get asked repeatedly is: What can I keep from a woman without a bad conscience? What of myself am I better off not revealing, so that I don't change the positive dynamic? So, it's not about pretending to be someone else or lying. On the contrary, be yourself. Some are probably wondering now: "Yes, but if I can't talk honestly about myself with a woman, what's the point then?" And that's right, and I am absolutely in favor of being honest with each other. But let's assume you are in the getting-to-know-you phase with a woman. Much is still unclear, where exactly you want to go, what she wants, what you want. And precisely in this situation, in my opinion, there are six central things that you are better off not revealing immediately. Not because they would be particularly problematic, but because they can change the way she thinks about you, how she perceives you. And honestly, I would keep some things for myself even in a long-term relationship or even in a marriage. Your partner doesn't need to know every one of your secrets, and vice versa. And a mature partner usually sees it similarly. It is clear to us that there is no need to disclose every detail of our lives. On the contrary, often you don't achieve more honesty with it, but sow unnecessary insecurity or doubt. That's exactly what today is about. And at the end, there's a bonus point, which isn't a secret in that sense, but something important that also benefits you if you keep it to yourself first, and feel free to write in the comments at the end what experiences you've had with it. So, among these things that you are better off keeping to yourself at first, are certainly your insecurities and your weaknesses. And some men think they have to lay everything on the table right away. They believe that's what women want, because honesty is always demanded. So, insecurity and weaknesses are not bad at all. We all have them. Nevertheless, not everyone deserves immediate access to your most vulnerable side. If you talk about your insecurities or weaknesses too early, before trust has been built, it can tip the dynamic. She might feel overwhelmed by it, unconsciously categorize you as a problem, or see you as a man with a big backpack. Stability and security are among the most important things we look for and value in a man. And at the beginning, she doesn't know you yet. She may not yet have understanding for all your quirks, your insecurities, or problems. She doesn't know your good sides yet. Therefore, weaknesses then appear stronger than later, when a basis of trust has been established. So, it's not about hiding something, but about the when and how. A man who is aware of his insecurities, works on them, and addresses them at the right moment, appears strong. So, first of all, highlight the positive aspects and your strengths. And if there are insecurities in your life and you want to talk about them, package it differently. You can talk about challenges, but at the same time show that you are capable and working to overcome them. Openness is extremely attractive when it is accompanied by self-responsibility. And that applies the other way around too. You don't want to think at the beginning, okay, but do I have to emotionally support this now? Everything has its place. Number two: revealing details about previous relationships. So, talking too early and too extensively about ex-partners. Not a good idea. Neither at the beginning nor later in the relationship. Certain experiences simply belong to you, and it's perfectly okay to go into detail about what happened with the ex, who was to blame for the breakup. It also seems as if you haven't fully processed things, even if that's not true. You can talk about the ex, but in moderation. That is the past. Focus on the present. From the woman's perspective, the following often happens. She automatically begins to compare herself through your many stories. Mostly unconsciously. Women often and gladly compare themselves with other women. That's a female thing, and it can trigger insecurities. She then paints a picture in her head of how the other woman might have been, how she might not have been, what she might not be able to do or have. You definitely don't want that. And if you speak negatively about the ex, it comes across as a bit of a settling of scores. That also leaves a bad feeling, even if you have reason for negativity. So, you can show that you have had experiences, of course, and learned from them, but without going into detail, without drama, and without assigning blame. Important: your past does not define you, but how you deal with it today. Family problems, a sensitive topic, because it doesn't just concern you. I would also not reveal family conflicts or secrets too early. That requires trust. Let that remain your secret for now, because on the one hand, she might see you as a man with a big backpack. He also brings a whole bag of family problems with him. Will he have enough time or energy for me? Or will I get pulled into it? Will I have to deal with it? Or she could also abuse the trust and tell others. It's about timing here too. You don't have to hide anything, but you have to know when the right time is. Revelations about illnesses, medications, and the like also don't belong in the initial phase. I've talked about this in a previous video, and again, this doesn't mean you should lie or hide things, but it's again about timing. So, things that concretely influence everyday life or a possible relationship naturally belong on the table at some point. But what's always important is the distinction between what is currently relevant and what belongs in a more trusting conversation later. Okay, next point. your sexual past and the number of previous partners, an absolute minefield. Because you can't say anything right. If the number is low, she might wonder why you might have difficulties with women or have little experience. Question marks over question marks. But at the same time, a high number is also unfavorable, because it can trigger insecurities in her. She might wonder if she's just one of many. She will compare herself again or wonder if you are even serious about her, so doubts and overthinking. And suddenly it's no longer about you, but about your past. But you are in the present, and she should see this man, not the one from five or ten years ago. Therefore, you really don't need to share these details, not even later in a relationship or marriage. And if she asks, just say that you have had experiences, learned from them, and want something real today. Less is often more here. your financial details. Money is a sensitive topic, and therefore it doesn't belong in the initial phase. Talking too early about financial problems, or on the other hand, emphasizing how well you are financially positioned, both are rather suboptimal. If you talk about problems or financial difficulties, it can create doubts. This has nothing to do with materialism, but as I said, stability is important to your woman. It signals security, and she naturally wants to feel that you have your life under control. Perhaps also with a view to your future. Depending on her age, she might still want to have children with you. And if you emphasize too much how well you are doing, it can come across as bragging. You're a stud, and it can also raise false expectations. If you are financially well-off, very good for you, but you don't want to reveal that too early. She shouldn't judge you by money, but by you as a person. And if she's only interested in you because of the money, that's probably not a woman you want to be with. And if so, okay, fair enough, then it's win-win. Congratulations. In any case, you don't have to prove anything, and you don't have to hide anything. And if it comes up, you can show that you are stable and have your life under control, but without making it the focus, because in the end, it shouldn't be a bank balance that makes an impression, but your personality. And if she asks and things aren't going perfectly for you right now, just stay calm, say that you are working on it and focusing on various solutions. Sometimes what matters is not the situation, I mean, we all have setbacks and failures, but how we deal with them. And now for a bonus point, which isn't really a secret, but something you shouldn't show too early either: how much you want her. Don't serve yourself on a silver platter. It's not about being cold or distant, or artificially putting yourself in a straitjacket, but about not revealing your entire intention immediately. Too much, too soon takes away the tension and attraction. There's no challenge, no spark, and these are precisely the things that are part of the game. I call it a game, a beautiful game. And yes, on the one hand, women want security, but if it's too easy, it can even be a turn-off. Too much too soon can also overwhelm her or make her feel like you are much further along than she is. And that often creates an imbalance in the dynamic. I would first observe what she invests in you, and if your investment is balanced, then you have a good basis to take a step further and reveal more about yourself. Show interest, but step by step. This way, you let things grow naturally and observe instead of rushing them. You are allowed to want her, of course, but you don't have to give yourself to her immediately and completely. Sometimes it's precisely what you don't reveal immediately that has the greatest impact. Yeah.