Transcription
All right, today we're going to do a BDSM spanking guide. You're going to get tips, techniques, and positions for erotic spanking. I'm Brandon the Dom. Let's dive in.
So, spanking is one of the most widely shared erotic and kinky activities. Despite that, I also think it's one of the most underrated and overshadowed kinky activities because of some of the edgier things that you can do. Spanking can be used in a variety of dynamics for different intentions, including just being mere erotic sensation, close intimacy, demonstrations of a DS power exchange, punishment, or just enjoyed as a kink in and of itself. Spanking is also super easy to learn and doesn't require any special equipment. Just need your hand, which makes it a great entry into your BDSM without over complicating things.
Let's first discuss why people enjoy spanking. Like any kinky activity, the reason that people enjoy spanking contains multitudes, and it's really worth exploring your own erotic mind to figure out why you might enjoy it. To help you do that, I created a video of three ways to discover your turnons. I'll leave a link for that down in the description. But some common reasons that people enjoy it is number one, the feeling of the dance between pain and pleasure. Pretty much cornerstone of BDSM. Whenever your body receives some sort of trauma or pain or thinks that it's in danger, it uses pain to send a signal alert to your brain that something is wrong. Sort of like a check engine light would do on a car. However, the body can interpret that signal as either pain or pleasure depending on the experience and context that it's happening in. So if you really want the spanking then it can feel quite pleasurable. Of course, you can also experience the dichotomy of pain and pleasure when you're mixing the painful sensations of spanking with sensations of erotic touch.
People also enjoy spanking because it leans into psychological games. As people, we often long for intense physical or emotional experiences that transcend, differ, and break the norms of our normal day-to-day lives. A spanking experience may feel naughty, humiliating, erotic, cathartic, empowering, and many other feelings that a person may be desiring, but doesn't necessarily get to feel in their normal everyday experience. Of course, spanking can be used as an expression of dominance and submission, particularly when it's used during play or used as punishment and discipline, allowing the dom to have power over the submissive and further reinforcing that dynamic. For some, spanking is a true fetish. Meaning that it's not only just a part of play or their sex life. It is their sex life where they're constantly thinking about it almost all day every day or it may be a required part of their sex in order for them to get off.
Spanking and other types of impact play are one of the most common ways that kinksters use in order to reach subspace. And that's due to the cocktail of hormones that is basically delivered to your brain during long sessions of spanking or impact play. If you want to know more about subspace, I also created a video for that link down in the description. But with as any other kink in BDSM, correlation does not equal causation. Meaning that if somebody was spanked as a child or experienced trauma doesn't mean that they're necessarily going to be into spanking. Nor are they more likely to be into spanking any more than any other adult is.
With that understanding, now let's talk about how to give a spanking. First, starting with where to spank. Now, spanking is a relatively low risk activity to do in terms of risk to injury. However, it's not entirely risk-free depending on where you're aiming the impact. As a general guide, aim for the softest, fleshiest areas of the butt and avoid anywhere that has bones. If you do hit a bone, it's going to hurt both your hand and their body, possibly causing both of you injury. Additionally, the thighs and areas under the butt cheek can be more tender and more vulnerable to skin damage. So, hitting there should be done sparingly. When you're spanking, you should avoid hitting the sacrum, which is the flat triangular bone at the bottom of the spine. You should avoid hitting the spine and avoid hitting the sides of the lower back where the kidneys and other important organs would be.
If we were to break this down into percentages of how much to hit the areas you do want to hit, 70% of the time you should be hitting the center, the fleshiest part of the butt. About 20% of the time you can hit right below the butt cheek where the butt cheek and thigh meet, kind of that crease. And about 10% of the time you can be hitting the thighs below the butt cheek. Now there is a sweet spot that you can hit where you hit between the butt cheek and the thigh that crease area and you kind of do it towards the inner thigh in that quadrant there. Hitting that spot sends tends to send the vibrations of the impact not only to the rest of the area there but in towards the groin and the genitals causing an indirect stimulation.
Now, before we start talking about positions, I want to make a mention of marks. It's likely when you're engaging in spanking that the submissive's bottom is going to turn different colors. Usually some sort of shade of pink, red, sometimes purple, or other hues depending on how far into impact and how hard you're hitting. However, just because the skin is changing colors does not mean the submissive wants it to end or that it's going to cause long-term bruising. It's actually quite difficult to tell beforehand how easily a submissive is going to bruise. Even if they show a lot of color change while you're engaging in spanking or show a little bit of bruising, does not mean that that bruising is going to last for a week or get worse. On the flip side, it may look like they're not taking any sort of bruising and then the next day show a lot more evidence of the spanking.
If you do happen to get unintended bruising and it's not something that you want, you guys already discussed that beforehand, you can apply ice pack immediately to the area to help from the swelling and bruising getting any worse. And there's also some evidence for some people that things like arnica gel can help reduce the evidence of bruising. But this is something that you should be talking about with your partner before you engage in spanking. If they want marks left, how easily they bruise, those sorts of things.
All right. Now, let's talk about different positions. And the different positions for spanking can deliver both different sensations as well as different psychological elements. In general, as you're putting somebody in position to be spanked, the more tense or like stretched out a muscle is, the more it will hurt to receive impact. If that's something that you want, you want it to be more painful, then have your submissives in positions where they're strained to be in that position, the muscles are engaged. Or if you want this to be a very relaxing experience, then you need to have them in a relaxed position where their muscles are not strained and engaged.
The first position we're going to talk about is over the knee. This is the very traditional position where the dom is sitting on a stool or a chair arranges themselves face down across the dom's lap with their butt centrally located so you have easy access to it. Most of the weight of the person being spanked is over the dom's thighs rather than actually on the dom's knees at the end of their legs. And keep in mind that the more bent over the person is, the more it's going to stretch the butt and thigh muscles, the more taut the skin will be, which means it's going to hurt more. Now, this position can also induce the psychological feelings of humiliation or being helpless. Sort of like a naughty child that's being spanked. And in this position basically gives full range of motion for the dom with their dominant hand to be spanking and their non-dominant hand to be rubbing the back playing with the hair basically caressing the rest of the body.
The second position we'll talk about is the modified over the knee. So rather than being bent over the dom's knee, they're laying flat across the dom's lap. And what this does is basically allows the butt to be more rounded and relaxed rather than bent over and strained. It also allows the submissive to grind on the dom's legs if you want some erotic stimulation as part of the experience.
The next one we'll talk about is being on all fours. So basically the sub gets on all fours, hands and knees while the dom stands to one side allowing them to have a more comfortable impact and aiming for the best parts of the butt we discussed earlier. Now, the sub can modify this by basically dropping from being on their hands down to their forearms or stretching their arms forward and putting their ass more in the air. And this will cause the skin to be more taut, making the impact much more stingier. It's also one of the best positions for creating easy access to the sub's genitals, which makes the submissive feel very exposed.
Okay, our next position is standing. The way this is usually done is having your submissive stand and lean up against the wall and then basically having them tilt their pelvis towards you, pushing their butt out and almost creating a shelf with their butt. And then the dom can stand either behind using both hands sort of as drums or standing to the side getting a very good swing in.
Another position is being bent over furniture. When we were doing the standing position, it can be very difficult to keep that position and to hold yourself up as you're being struck, especially as you get further into the impact session. So, instead, you can have your submissive bend over a piece of furniture like a large sofa or stool, which helps them to get some stability as they're getting hit on the ass.
Our next position is to have your submissive lie entirely flat on the floor or on the bed while the dom either sits to the side of the submissive lying prone or straddles their thighs. To better help round out the butt, you can also place a pillow underneath the submissive's pelvis, giving you good access to hitting your submissive's bottom. And of course, we can always use spanking during intercourse with reverse cowgirl being the easiest way to do that because you have free hands here and you're not the one doing all the work with doggy style coming up as close second.
Now, let's talk about techniques. Spanking is not an overly complicated thing to do. It literally just takes your hand or some sort of implement and hitting their butt cheeks. However, with anything in BDSM, I always advocate learning how to do techniques with what you have available to you first, which is always your body. So, in this case, learning how to use your hand because you always have them with you. Tools and toys, you're not always going to have, and you still want to be able to exude your dominance just with the things that you already have, or at least I hope they're always with you.
Before we discuss specific techniques, here are some things to keep in mind. Depending on how you're hitting a person, it's going to feel more thuddy or it's going to feel more stingy. So thuddy is a deeper, more penetrating blunter sensation. Stingy is more on the surface of the skin and generates more heat and burning sensations. To create a thuddier spank, you're going to keep your hand in contact with their butt after you deliver the spank. To create more stingy spanks, you're going to hit and immediately pull your hand back off after you've spanked them.
As you're spanking your submissive, you want to think about protecting your hand because it is actually quite easy to sprain or bruise your own hand if you're hitting wrong. For the majority of spanks, you're going to want to keep your hand kind of relaxed, flowy, and to keep your fingers more closer together rather than spread out. Last thing I want to mention, as part of the thrill of being spanked is the auditory sensation of it. So to increase the loudness of your spanks, you're going to want to cup your hand rather than having it flat because that allows that sound to and air to push up against the surface of your hand.
All right, now let's talk about some techniques. So the first one I call a gravity spank. You want to keep your hand relaxed and fluid through the wrist, almost like it was kind of limp. And then rather than swinging really fast and putting a lot of force behind your spank, you're kind of letting gravity basically have your hand fall and spank them. This is going to be a very light strike, allowing your hand to pivot on the wrist and just kind of fall on their bottom. And you can increase the intensity by how far away you lift your hand and allow it to fall.
The next technique is doing a cupped hand. You're basically going to press your fingers together and cup your hand sort of like you were going to drink water. And when you strike, it's going to feel less intense and have more of a stingy sensation because you have less impact area when you're hitting. One of the great things about this one is there's a little bit less sensation than some of the techniques I'm about to give you, but it makes a lot of noise because we're cupping our hand.
The next is to do a spank and grab. In this technique, you're spanking them as normal, but once you make contact, you actually grab a little bit and kind of lift up. So, like if you think about spanking from here on the side, hitting the bottom of your submissive's butt, especially that crease area where the thigh and cheek meet, you'd spank and as you land, you would grab some and kind of cup up. Or you can give a good pinch and hold.
The next is using a relaxed fist. So, you're going to make a fist with your hand and make sure that your thumb is on the side here, not underneath here, because we're going to be hitting them with this area right here. Basically, what you're gonna do is you're not punching your sub, but instead using that same spanking motion, but now you have more of a surface area. It's kind of like hitting with a paddle rather than an open hand. This is going to create a much more thuddy sensation.
Another thuddy technique is to use your entire forearm. And this really helps for getting across the entire submissive's bottom rather than just one cheek. And depending how hard you're hitting, it's going to feel more of like a heavy brute force than, you know, being spanked with a single hand.
The next technique is to basically stiffen your hand. So this entire time, we've been kind of fluid and allowing our hand to move with motion. When you're doing with a stiff hand, you're kind of locking your wrist out, making things more rigid. This is going to create a lot more sharper and intense sensation when you make impact. And obviously the more force that you put behind it, the more sensation you're going to cause. Now, with this one, it's not as good for the dom's wrist or hand to be doing repeatedly. And if you do it too much, you could actually sprain your hand. Ask me how I know. So, don't use this technique for more than a few blows in a row.
After you've gained some expertise of how to use your hand, then you can move on to using different tools and implements. And there's a ton of different things that you could use such as paddles, belts, hair brushes, and wooden spoons to name a few. The harder that the material is, and the smaller the surface area, the more it's going to hurt. The benefit of using some sort of tool is that you're saving your hand from getting repeated trauma throughout a long impact session.
Now, let's talk about some tips for having a spanking session. Before you start spanking, think about what your goal for the scene is. What intention you want to have behind your spanking. Is the goal of the scene as punishment, in which case maybe you want more painful spanks, or is the scene more for pleasure, in which case maybe you have your submissive in a more relaxed position with pleasurable sensations? Knowing what you're aiming for is going to help you decide which techniques, which positions, and what sort of intensity you want to use for your spankings.
The next tip is to make sure you spend time warming up. This is absolutely essential for any type of impact play, including spanking. It basically allows your submissive the time to sink into the sensations, increase their sensitivity, and prepare their mind for what's to come. It also helps to promote blood flow to the area, which is going to help mitigate the mild trauma that you're going to be causing to the tissue while also creating more sensations for her erogenous zones. So to get your submissive warmed up, you can first get her used to being touched by running your fingers and hands over the curves of her body. You can also incorporate other touches like using your fingernails to give light scratches or giving some kisses to the area as well. Then you're going to massage the butt and thighs and basically the areas that you're going to be hitting, which is going to promote blood flow to the area and start raising her body temperature. If you're feeling particularly generous or a little cheeky, you can reach around into that sweet spot into her inner thigh a little bit to give the anticipation of genital stimulation.
Now, even for scenes that are going to be used as punishment, you can actually warm up the bottom by giving heavy intense spankings while they're still wearing jeans or some sort of padded material, which can help to give the illusion of a more severe punishment with intense spankings, but it's not going to leave as much trauma to the skin and body. Then by the time that you actually get the sub's clothes off, they're already going to be warmed up some and so you can continue the same intensity without causing too much trauma to the skin.
Speaking of intensity, our next important tip is to start at the appropriate intensity level. As you transition from warming up your submissive's bottom, you want to set the tone for the entire scene based off the first spanking that you give. If you're going to be spanking for pleasure, then you're going to start really light and low using one of the lighter techniques such as the gravity spank or cupped hand and begin a rhythm of small spanks before building up intensity. If you're doing the scene for pain or punishment, you can actually start at a little bit of a higher intensity, somewhere around the medium range, delivering that first medium intensity blow and then backing off to a little lower intensity so that you can build gradually back up. That first blow, as long as you're only doing one, is going to catch them off guard a little bit. They'll probably gasp and it'll be a little painful, but it's not going to cause them too much pain. And because you only did one and backed off to a lower intensity, that allows you to basically build back up to a higher intensity so you can give more intense spanking layers.
Regardless, the general rule of thumb is to start at lower intensity and as their body warms up, more blood engorges the area and their pain tolerance rises because their body is delivering cortisol, adrenaline, and endorphins. You can start to rise the intensity level. If this is the first time that you're spanking a submissive, the first time playing with them, you can gauge what their pain threshold is by delivering a few spankings and asking them to give you a rating of the intensity of those spankings on a scale of 1 to 5 or 1 to 10 with one feeling like nothing with five or 10 depending on the scale that you're using being the top of their pain threshold. This is also really helpful if you're even if you're playing with somebody that you've played with for a long time to communicate, you know, what sort of intensity you want that day. Um, especially if they know you well, they know what each of your numbers are. You can tell them, you know, I only want a three intensity today or I want something much more painful. Let's hit a four or a five.
My next tip is to find some sort of rhythm. And the reason that you're doing this is because you're creating some sort of rhythm that they can kind of sink into, sort of like a metronome, and then you're breaking the pattern, giving a pattern interrupt. For example, you could be doing a repeating pattern of nine light spanks and then one medium spank and doing that to each cheek. What this does is allows your submissive to kind of sink into the sensations and get used to it and almost hypnotized by it, but then using that pattern interrupt to break that hypnosis, keep them still more awake and aware and keeping it from getting boring. And here's where you can get very creative by mixing up the time, the intensity, the location, or the technique in your patterns.
Next, let's talk about communication during your spanking. If you're using spanking for pleasure, there's sort of an art to finding the fine line between where spanking is giving enough sensation to be arousing, but not so much that it's just plain painful. And as you are spanking somebody, especially over an extended period of time, their pain threshold it keeps rising. And so you need to keep gauging where your submissive is so that you can adjust your intensity levels. Of course, you can always ask your partner where they are on a scale of one to five or if they would like it softer or harder. And this can actually be a fun little game as a dominant and kind of testing out their mental faculties, maybe seeing how much they have reached subspace by making them count off their spankings every time that you hit them. Eventually though, you want to allow your submissive to relax and not have to verbally communicate, which allows them the opportunity to just sink into the sensations, kind of fall into a trance and reaching subspace eventually. So, when this is occurring, you need to be aware of your submissive's body language. And some signs that the intensity and touch feels good to them is low moaning or growling, deep breathing, watching the body tense a little bit when it's struck, but then immediately relaxing. The body might be moving in a steady rhythm with the rhythm of your spanks. And she might even push her butt more towards you, inviting more touch.
Now, some signs that the intensity is getting too much is gasping or a sharp intake of breath. Her noises or moaning suddenly stops and she's going silent. You see her body stiffen, being really tense and not relaxing before the next strike comes. You may hear a sharp cry of pain depending on how intense it is. If she can see you or can hear you and is expecting you, then you might see her flinch or tense up the body before you strike her. And she's most likely going to pull her body away, trying to escape from the strikes.
My next tip is to use sensual or erotic touch in between your spanks. So, spanking is obviously going to have more painful sensations. As we talked about, depending on how those interpreted, they can also be pleasurable. But you can increase the amount of pleasure given or even some pacification allowing your submissive to relax by including some sensual or erotic touch within your rhythms. So for example, if you wanted to include some sensual touch, you can occasionally run your hands along your submissive's body. You can massage their butt in between spanks. You can run your hands through their hair or give them light scratches down their back. Or you might sprinkle in some nibbles, some kisses, some bites. One of my favorite things to do is to give a very stingy spank and then lightly breathe on the area. So the spank will deliver a lot of heat and then depending on the heat differential between my breath and her butt, it'll give like a cool sensation. I can even blow across the skin.
You can also add in some erotic touch. So earlier I was talking about the sweet spots where if you're spanking in more towards the groin those pulsations are going to vibrate to her groin and this may give her a little bit of indirect stimulation but you can also give more direct stimulation. So in between spanks you can rub your submissive's full and bringing in a little psychology communicating how wet they are for being spanked.
Now, if you're a submissive watching this, I'm going to give you a few tips as the submissive being spanked. Because even though you're submissive, it is not a passive activity. There are actually skills that you can do in order to make any of your experiences as a submissive safer, feel better, and make it more fun for your dom as well. So, my first tip for the submissive is to surrender to the experience. What I mean by this is you want to try and stay relaxed as possible and consciously being aware of where tension is in your body. If at all possible, you want to try and relax that tension and just be relaxed in general, receiving what is happening to you. Now, if you're unable to get relaxed and you keep feeling tense, the spanking may be too intense for you. In which case, you need to communicate that.
To help with this, I want you to focus on taking long, deep breaths, especially as you're being spanked. Sort of like doing yoga. You know, when you're doing yoga, you have those short breaths. You're not able to stretch everything out as well. But if you can breathe into the yoga movement, it allows you to stretch better. Same thing when you're being spanked. You can breathe into the spanks, it's going to have a less painful sensation.
I also want you to focus on communicating and expressing yourself. This is going to be good for both you and the dom. It's going to make sure that you are receiving a pleasurable experience, but it's also going to give some feedback to your dom. If things are feeling good, then say how good it feels. Moan or simply wiggle your butts more towards them. Go back to that section where I was mentioning a sort of body language that signals that something's feeling good and the body language that signals something is feeling too painful. Those are communication tools for you without you having to say anything.
And finally and probably the most important is creating a relationship with pain. Normally people are pretty adverse to pain which is normal. That's our normal reaction as a human being is to run away from pain to keep ourselves safe. However, if you start creating a more positive relationship with it, seeing it as really intense sensation or energy rather than something harmful, you'll be able to tolerate it more. For anybody that's gotten a tattoo, it's a very similar process. You surrender into the pain of the tattoo and you just allow it to happen to you and you create a more positive relationship with it realizing that it's not something harmful. It's just very intense sensations in the body.
If you want to engage in spanking as part of a dom sub dynamic, I have lots of resources on my website about dominance and submission, advice for becoming more dominant or enabling yourself to surrender into submission. So, I'll link a link down below for that. As well as I offer coaching and can help you through those processes as well. In the meantime, if you found this video in the process of developing your sexual dominance and trying to figure out what skills you can use in the bedroom to be more dominant, I recommend watching this video, which is going to go through different levels of dominance and how you can become more dominant in the bedroom. Thank you so much for your time and attention.