Transcription
I have a twin sister, and I work in commercial construction. Yes, how do you deal with very hostile conversations? I want you to ask me this question with a little more melody in your voice.
"Vin, I've just got a quick question."
"Hi, Vince."
"It's not Vince; it's Vin."
"Just go, 'Hey, Vin.'"
"Hi, Vince."
"No, hey."
"Okay, hey, Vin."
"Hey, Vin. Better! I got a quick question for you."
"Better! How do you deal with hostile conversations?"
Such a big part of it requires you to soften the approach. It does, because all of a sudden, if we're talking like this and I'm using this tone and only this tone with you, what does that make you feel?
"Yeah, it makes me feel attacked and like I have to react."
Yes, right! So that's why your twin sister might not like you. It's okay; it's okay. If you want to win her love, if you lighten up the delivery as the point of entry, you say, "Hey, I've got a little bit of feedback I want to share with you, and I'm doing this because I want you to be the best that you can be. But it requires us to have this conversation. Is it okay for me to share a few thoughts?"
If you notice what I did in any conversations that are confrontational, the first thing I always do is pull the person aside. I never have it like this. Then I enter it with a very soft melody. Then I frame it with wanting to help them amplify the best parts of who they are. Then I ask them, "Is it okay for me to share some thoughts?"
Then we begin. You can do all of that, but if you don't have melody and you go into it like this, all it does is rub people the wrong way.