Transcription
If I would ask 100 women, "Do you want to be chased by men?" 99 of them will say, "Uh, what? No." And the other one will probably have misunderstood the question.
However, if I rephrase the question and say, "So, do you want to be chased by him? You know, the attractive, great man that you really like a lot? The man you want to be more affectionate towards you? The man you might want to hear say, 'You complete me'?" Well, then the answers might be different. Let's be honest, some women would love to be chased a little bit more by the attractive man they are dating or would love to date, or by the more and more disinterested guy they are in a relationship with.
But what some of them don't know, however, is that some of their behaviors may prevent him from chasing her, from pursuing her, from earning her love and her attention, and everything else she has to offer. So, in this video, let's look at what not to do, but also some attractive habits that women have that make men fight for their attention, that make men chase them without having to play any games, of course, because those are not sustainable in a long-term relationship anyway.
And if you don't know me yet, my name is. I'm an author. I also use the much more pronounceable pen name, Brian Knox. And first, we need to talk about dopamine. A lot of seduction is directly linked to dopamine, and I think you know how powerful dopamine is. Every time you feel an urge to open Instagram or Tinder, or to keep scrolling on a social media app, that's dopamine that's making you do that. It's looking for something. It wants you to feel something. It wants you to achieve something.
Now, in the early stages of dating a guy, if he's attracted to you, then dopamine will be playing a huge role in him wanting to get to know you better, in him wanting to get close to you, to kiss you, and so on. But please don't make the mistake of thinking dopamine would only play a role when it comes to dating or the early stages of a relationship, because dopamine remains important even in a long-term relationship. If the dopamine effect is gone, so will be his attraction. Helen Fischer, a great scientist, found out that dopamine even plays a huge role when it comes to real deep love, not just lust or infatuation.
So, how can dopamine continue to play a role after a couple of weeks or months of dating, or even deep into a long-term relationship? Let me give you a very simple example. Let's say that a woman buys some nice lingerie, you know, that type her boyfriend or husband really loves, and let's say that she wears it for him right before the magic happens. Well, then that will probably work really well. But what if, instead, he would see her put that on in the morning before she goes to work? She's not wearing it for him. Then guess how focused he will be during his workday? Well, let me tell you, not very much. His mind will keep wandering. He won't be able to get her out of his head, thanks in part to dopamine. It's how the mind works. Even during an important meeting, even when his boss would give him a Lamborghini as his new company car, his mind may go, "Stupid car. Is it time to go home yet? I want to see her again."
And this is just an example of physical attraction, but this works for emotional attraction as well. Now, here's where habits come into play. Studies that Helen Fischer was involved in as well also proved that in order to keep the initial flame alive, we have to keep the habits alive that were there while dating, when the attraction and when the love started to grow. And flirting is a huge one here, and I'll talk about flirting later on in the video. I'll even give you some examples, because flirting can create that emotional attraction.
But so, dopamine is about the chase. We chase after a certain feeling. Now, there are habits that women have that give him feelings that he wants to chase after. So, feelings are important here. Every time a guy chases after you or your attention, it is because he wants the feeling that that will give him. Most of what we humans do is about feelings. We try to avoid bad feelings and to get good feelings. So, here are some examples of how you can make a man feel really good.
Let's start with a strange one. Have you ever dated a guy and although you really liked him, there were things he did or didn't do that made you a bit frustrated? So, for example, you meet on a dating app, you match, the conversation starts, but then he doesn't ask you out. Or you have been dating for a long time, you are ready for a relationship, but each time that you bring it up in some way or form, he starts doing those Matrix movie moves, the dodge bullets.
So, this is where you telling him what you want and need from him comes in. Now, some women try to solve this by nagging. "Why don't you ever?" Or threatening, "If we don't start a relationship soon, then I'll be gone." Yeah, yeah. Well, these never make men crave their attention, of course. But there is another way, the "nagas demand" way. So, without nagging, but technically very powerful because it is a demand, it's just one without being needy. From, "Why don't you ask me out on a date? Are you not into me?" where you would give away all power, to, "I think it's time." He may then say, "For what?" "For you to ask me out on a date, of course." Or if he's very slow to call it a relationship, "We need to talk." "Oh, about what?" "About what my dating profile said. Did it say that I'm looking for friends with benefits, or B, still figuring it out, or C, looking for a long-term relationship?" You can score a lot of points if you get this one right. These are some silly examples of a playful way of communicating your standards and your needs. And if he likes you, then these will raise the bar. And that challenge makes him feel really good. Never forget this: making him work for it makes him feel good.
Now, this here works because of the dopamine effect, but also because it's a combination of challenge and playfulness. Here's another one: showing your appreciation. When he does something for you, do you know how a man creates a deep bond with a woman? Some women think that that is done through sleeping together, but that's obviously not the case, otherwise one-night stands would lead to a relationship. We know they don't. A deep bond is created when he not only does things for you, but when he gets appreciation and respect in return. So, both are needed: doing things for you, and then appreciation and respect in return.
Now, some women get this totally wrong. They're on a first date with a guy that they really like, and at the end of the date, the guy offers to pay, and then they say, "No, no, no. Well, split it. I don't need you to pay for me." Of course, you don't. But if you like him, let him. Just allow him to do things for you. And when he does, tell him you appreciate it. It's that simple. When a man likes you, he has a craving for significance, for your respect, for appreciation from you. And women who have the habit of giving that to their guy when he deserves it will have a much deeper emotional connection with their guy than women who don't do this. The bond will grow. His love will grow. He will crave their attention and their love so much more, and he will be working harder to be worth it, thanks to dopamine.
Here's another good habit. Usually, when a woman just met a guy, she may want him, but she doesn't need him. She was fine without him. So, if he's her type, she may flirt with him a little bit, but she won't be serious about him yet. And he will feel that. He knows he has to win her over, that he has to make a good impression, that he has to put in efforts, and that he has to keep doing that. But sometimes, after a couple of weeks of dating, there's a switch. At some point, she may really fall for him, and she may start putting in bigger and bigger efforts. And slowly, she goes from wanting him to needing him. And with that, her behavior may change as well. She starts to do a little bit too much for him in order to make him happy. Perhaps she cancels certain hobbies. And because she's canceling hobbies, she may become a little bit needy because suddenly her entire life is built around him. So, he not only doesn't have to put in efforts anymore, he can't even if he wanted to. She's already doing everything.
But there's an easy way to fix that. It's physically impossible to chase after something that's chasing after us. Only one person can be chasing at a time. So, if you would chase after a guy all the time, he cannot chase after you, of course. That's why it's so important to create enough space, even in a long-term relationship. How do you do that? Well, don't drop your hobbies and friends, for starters. But also, do things that have nothing to do with him. It's when he's not getting your attention because you are not present that he will start to crave it, that he gets the opportunity to miss you. Never be in constant contact with a guy.
Another great habit is flirting and using playful banter. That's often part of what creates this spark in the beginning. But then, when the switch I just talked about happens, from wanting him to needing him, flirting is often kicked out the door. Yet, teasing him a bit creates that challenge and that dopamine effect, even in a long-term relationship. Plus, of course, it's fun for both people. Some simple examples are where you would text him, "I have a very serious question for you," and then a little bit lower in the same message, "Sushi or pasta tonight?" Or if a guy you met on a dating app would text you, "So, what do you think about this app?" You reply, "I like it. I met some really interesting people here." And you smiley face. Or if a guy takes too long to text you back, even if it's already your boyfriend, "See? I knew it. Beauty, but no brains. I knew you were going to run out of interesting things to say." And then some very important smiley faces.
See, these are some playful ways to communicate. And we often do that early on when we just met someone, when we haven't had a first date yet. But then we forget about it later on in the relationship. While this flirting and playful banter was probably part of what created the spark in the beginning in the first place, it's also what can keep it alive. So, try to give these examples I talked about a try. Let him work for it every now and then. Show your appreciation when he puts in efforts. And remain playful here and there, even when things get serious, especially then.
And there you go. Thank you for still being here at the very end of this video. I love it when you do that. If you want more, you can find my books on Amazon. Just type Brian Knox in the search box, or visit BrianKnox.com. And I hope to see you in another video.