Transcription
Assalamu alaykum. In this video, I'm going to share with you seven masculine principles that most Muslim men have forgotten today and how losing them makes them weaker, reactive, and disconnected from the man who Allah has intended for them to be.
Because look around, men are more confused than ever, having total allegiance to red pill, online gurus, and different movements that feed the ego and not the soul. And the result, more anger, more emptiness, more broken homes. The truth is that our struggles, the weak willpower, loss of leadership, tension at home, loss of purpose, all stemming from the abandonment of the timeless principles that was given to us by the Quran and the prophetic leadership.
I mean, men were never meant to be this way. When a man reclaims these principles, he leads with calm strength. His marriage improves, his discipline returns, and his heart realigns with Allah. And that's what these seven principles are about. By the time you finish this video, inshallah, you'll be able to live them again. Bismillah.
Number one, the connection with your creator is the foundation of your identity and your intentions. This is important for the man when he is married with his family, with his wife. Why? Because the identity is that which emanates from your purpose and your purpose is your connection with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Knowing Allah and then acting based upon that. That's why we say identity because identity if you look at the word it comes from identities or idim which means same or sameness but what does that mean in regards to who you are you remain the same in this particular way with this particular behavior.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam he said he said that verily truthfulness uh leads to righteousness and righteousness leads righteousness leads to Jenna. And a man will continue to be truthful and struggle and and be consistent in that struggle of being truthful until it is known and he is written that he is the veracious one, the truthful one. Then he the prophet mentions that for the one that also lies in the same fashion. But what's important here is that he said is that he continues to be truthful and struggles to be truthful until he is known for that. He is known for that. He is the same in regards to his truthfulness.
What is your identity with your family? What does your family know you for? If she knows you for someone that does things that is the same and consistent with you in the house because Allah is pleased with it or because that's what a Muslim does. That's what's important. That's the foundation.
Also, when talking about intentions, why are you doing what you're doing? You're doing it for the sake of Allah subhana wa ta'ala. I'm doing this because Allah loves it. I'm establishing the household this way because Allah loves it. We're praying because Allah loves it. Look, I don't want you to wear this or to look that way because Allah is not pleased with it. This is the reason why you may differ with her. This is the reason why you're potentially may start an argument at times. This is the reason why you're silent because you're displeased because Allah is not pleased with it. That's what is very very important.
The flip side of that is if you do things because of your ego or because of your culture or because just you're the man and there's no reason behind there's no seed there's no hustle there's no anchor that makes you say this in that way or to act in that particular way does your wife know that you have those reasons because of your purpose which is to show gratitude and to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Number two is that you seek education you seek knowledge for enrichment and not seeking enrichment without knowledge. When we talk about this, it is important because when the man himself wants to educate himself about himself and about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, about Allah, about the prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him, about his wife, about women, about children, about work, about anything, it is to implement and to do something with that knowledge. This is why it's important that the man is always a consistent learner. He's always wanting to learn something to apply it. That learning has that element of ambition. When you learn something, you feel that mashallah, you've been given something that you didn't have from before. But that thing that you're given is a tool for you to use in order to implement in your life.
This is what is important that when you learn about relationships for example and you learn intersectional dynamics, you learn that women may think a certain way, you learn that women uh uh uh uh you know she looks at how you say what you say as opposed to just what you said. And men we learn this this way. It's more about what you said than how you said it. More about not only when men learn that they need to implement it. When you learn that women are a certain way and that they may be more emotional, you implement it. And that's going to require some of these other principles that we're going to talk about.
Because if it's just enrichment without education, it's hollow. It's surface level. It's something that is not going to be promising that what's not going to be foundational, principled. It's just going to be something that motivates you. When you get education, when you learn about anything as a man, it makes you more uh uh some makes you more of a person that has competence in a particular field. And as we talk about competence brings confidence. And when a woman sees that you're confident in who you are, you're confident about Allah subhana wa ta'ala, you're confident, you're competent about your purpose in life, and you implement that. You are enriching your your the knowledge that you have by implementation. And she's feeling enriched. She's feeling that she's learning from you. She's feeling that she's being inspired by you, led by you because you are implementing what you learn. Therefore, enriching yourself, enriching her and enriching the family, enriching the household, proper, effective, influential leadership. The man gets education for enrichment and not vice versa.
Number three, and this is mad important. This is so important. And we teach this in mastermind consistently. It is silence. Silence is the strategy for success. And I think many of you already know what I mean by this. It is silence in Arabic. It's very very beautiful because there's sukut and there's sumpt. What we are referring to is sumpt. And sumpt is silence with the ability to re to to rebuke or the ability to speak back even having the ability to overpower with your speaking. You know it's beautiful. It's a statement that some attribute to Abdullah and you'll find this in the book where he says and he learn how to be quiet voluntarily just as you learn how to speak. This shows the importance of voluntarily withholding your rebuttal your speech. Silence.
With silence, that is a sign of control. With silence, that is a sign of leverage. And leverage meaning that you have that control over yourself and you're able to be understood in a way that maintains the integrity of who you are. Because if you speak out of emotion, there's a huge possibility that you could be taken advantage of. There's a huge possibility that you would be misunderstood to where you would feel you have to explain yourself even more. But silence in something particularly that which makes you angry is a sign of self-control.
As the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said is aith we know that the one that is harsh or the one that has control or the one that is the one that can overpower or excuse me the harsh one is not the one that can overpower people rather the harsh one is the one that can control themselves in times of anger controlling oneself controlling your speech not speaking back in a foul fashion, not rebuking. You know, she may say something that really will push your button or she may say something in a way or do something. Being silent, especially if she knows that the thing that she did or didn't do and she knows that you like or said something that was very disrespectful in front of the children, in front of her friend, over the phone while she's on the phone with someone and she responds to you in a way that's not befitting, you're silent. That shows self-control. It even brings a little of mystery. Why didn't he respond? And she's going to wonder, why is he not responding to me? That self-control. That self-control. This takes the control away from them in controlling your emotions.
Also, when you have that self-control and silence, you may need to, you know, you may say to yourself, I need some space. And then you just quiet. And then you make space. You leave. You're gone for a while. You go between MRI and Isha from MRI and you don't come back until I is and she says where were you? She raised her voice. I just stayed in the masid. Very concise as we talked about before you know you you you you evaluate you you calculate and then you communicate later. So this is very important. Silence is that which can at times even save homes. When you're silent from saying something harmful that also shows mercy when she thinks about it later that is sumpt and that is not sukoot. It is where one is silent on purpose intentionally because they're looking at as what is called theat they're looking way beyond this. If I was to respond now what's the benefit going to lead to argument and then we may say something that we may regret. Even saying that later to her shows that you have self-control, shows that you have wisdom, and shows that you are displaying mercy. Silence.
Listen, if you're serious about applying and reclaiming these principles, check the link in the description below. I help men reclaim their masculinity by becoming better leaders for themselves, their families, and their communities. Inshallah, we run in-person retreats, brotherhood cohorts, and in-person challenges for brothers that are serious about change. Rather, they're serious about transformation. If you're ready to be a part of that, check the link and I'll see you soon, inshallah.
Number four, strength lies in separation and contemplation. Strength lies in separation and contemplation and not just going through the motions. What do I mean by this? is that it is very important for the man to detach, to have time alone, to think, to ponder, to contemplate over his life, over his family, each and every individual of the family and how he is leading them, how he plans to lead, where is he planning to go, what where is leadership. When you're leading, you're going somewhere. Where is that? How it coincide with coincides with his purpose? The man needs time to just separate and release.
And this is why I always tell brothers in the mastermind group and further tell all of you men is that you know brothers that work from home for example it is important my brother that you leave the home on lunch break especially if your wife is there you know she's working from home or taking care of the kids that you take time to leave the house to leave the house to walk around the block to leave the house to go to the gym to leave the house making sure that you change your setting and that setting that time you have is alone at times. Very important consistently, right? Some of you may need to get an office outside of the home to ensure you have that separation.
Now, also with this is that you need that separation from work as well. What we'll find sometimes is that men will come from work and they're coming with their stress and then they go straight home. They open the doors of their home with the stress still on their back about to meet some more stress. What do you think is going to happen? He's going to have he may have a disgruntled look on his face. Wife asks what's wrong. He says nothing. But he's like there's something wrong. And he raises his voice and says nothing. He didn't mean anything by raising his voice. He just wanted to stress the fact that there's nothing. But then an argument starts. Why are you raising your voice at me? Oh, and the kids are watching, right? There are numerous different events that can take place when he comes home because he's stressed out.
Well, if you're the leader, you have to look at yourself first. Detach before you go home. Sit in your car 15 minutes, make of Allah, listen to some podcast you like. Anything that brings you a sense of release from work, relax, get a cold drink, walk around the neighborhood park, go to the masid for salat and sit there and wait and make some, take deep breaths, get back up, go in your car and renew yourself for your family because you're the man of the house. You have to be the leader. And sitting there and saying it's stressful is weak. Stressful is part of the process. Allah said in we have created mankind in toil meaning that you are going to go through toil. The stress is just part of the process. And we know that because you went to work and you're dealing with the stress of work. What about your family? That stress is even more of a beloved stress to quote unquote deal with. But it needs separation. It needs separation.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam at a time when it was stressful separated from his wives for 29 days. The companions thought that he divorced his wives. You look at the hadith and when he saw the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam he was up in a room that was you know filled with straw mats like of of mats and he he was laying down. Omar entered upon him. It's a long hadith. Omar cried because he saw that you know the prophet was laying on his straw mat and he said you know you you could have the the muluk the the dominion so much control over nations but look at your situation in any case the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam separated from his wives and some narrations to where they can't they were asking about money they wanted to see you know how are we going to be taking care of the prophet Wasam left. He left. He separated. The prophet sallallaihi wasallam was known to go to cave and he would stay there stay the night in the cave of in a cave by himself. And some of us we cannot live without our phones. As men as husbands when your wife sees that when your children see that what does that show? That shows lack of control. Lack of control.
So detachment you know to contemplate separate to contemplate is very important because it gives you time to hold yourself accountable to be honest about yourself before anyone else. You hold yourself accountable alone to Allah and be vulnerable to him and call on him. And that is why subhan Allah within the we see so many opportunities for that. Salah in of itself is detachment to where it's impermissible for you to speak outside of it. Allah is creating and making within the Sharia means for you to be the man that he created you to be.
Number five, your humility for the truth is where boundaries are found and maintained. This is crucial for you as a man to have boundaries and those boundaries are founded from your purpose. Yi the purpose the dean of Islam is your boundaries. What is in that what Allah says in salal is halal and what he says is haram is haram. Those are your boundaries. Those are where you take your standards and your principles from. Emanate from that. What you say no to, what you will not tolerate, emanate from that. It's not going to be only from culture. It's not going to be a societal construct which will you know cause you to determine what is right and what is wrong. It's Allah who's a repository of right and wrong. Allah is the one that makes things correct, halal, moral, right or that which is immoral, disgusting, repulsive, incorrect. It is the dean of Islam. It is the dean of Islam. It is the dean of Islam and that's what we were talking about with the purpose. So you're humble to that truth.
You know sister mentioned subhan Allah a very important point for us as men to remember. Do she gave really good advice. Do not marry a man that does not feel that he's accountable to anyone. Because when you feel that you're not accountable to anyone that is one of the major signs of lack of humility. You feel that no you feel that no one can tell you what to do or you are too good for advice. Some of you will even actually say that to yourself man no one can tell me nothing. Who are you joker who are you? Who are you? You are an abd of Allah. There is someone that can give you the right advice and also at the same time it may not be the as well because he may not understand the cultural construct of what is happening and what is going on. Right?
What did Omarb say when he when he um with this story that even happened that we're talking about when the prophet wasallam went for 29 days? He said he said we used to overpower our women in Mecca but when we got to Al Medina it was different. We found that they were they used to respond you know to their husband when their husband would say something they would respond. Does that mean that they're feminists? No. But it was a cultural nuance. So when you speak to a sheh about what's going on with your wife and you say when I say something she says that she disagrees and the shake say she has no right to do that you know I mean come on he has to understand the culture as well so it may be someone that understands the culture he understands the culture in this particular issue and he gives you advice based upon that but if you say I'm not held accountable for any of that is where you know you you are you are sadly mistaken and you're not humb humble to the h there's a beautiful hadith of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam where you know he married uh Sophia woman named Sophia who was Jew she comes from a Jewish background and the wives of the companions would criticize her being that she was Jewish the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam didn't let that go he said he told his wives verily y'all have said a statement that would make the sea bitter and then look what he She is the daughter of a prophet. The her uncle is a pro her uncle is a prophet and her husband is a prophet. The daughter of a prophet being Harun. The uncle of a prophet uh her prophet being an uncle uh being Musa and her husband being a prophet being the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Come on. I mean look at that rebuttal. He let them know you are not going to do that. that that that does not stand in my house. We're not going to have those kinds of conversations. I'm not going to allow that spirit, that culture of speaking about one another. He didn't let that slide. He shut that down. And then he mentioned a follow a virtue about her that they didn't even have. And again, their virtue was tied to Allah. She's related to prophets and she's married to one. I mean, come on. Like that is subhan Allah humble to the hak. His rebuttal was about the hak. It was about people of hak. It was about the fact that she's related to more people of the hak than you are. Subhan Allah. Look at that. That that that's amazing from the messenger of Allah sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Humble to the truth and reminding them to be humble to the truth. She's so I married her because of who she is. But are you humble to the fact that look at who she is and the fact that I chose her to be my wife? You have to be respectful and saying things like that to be understood as very disrespectful.
There was another time where the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam um was sitting in a room and someone knocked on the door or you know came to the door and asked for him and it was halal and halal is the sister of Khadijah bin who is the first wife of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam that passed away. So the narrator of this hadith is none other than Aisha and Aisha was known to be jealous. So when he heard he didn't even ask who it was he said he was so excited and Aisha for lack of a better words was not. So Aisha she said I became jealous. She said, "I became jealous." And then she mentions that she said to the prophet sallallaihi wasallam, "What is there with a woman about an old woman?" Uh, she said, "Uh, an old woman is a Quresh." Someone that is an old woman amongst the right. And she said that she has red gums and gray hair and she she passed away a long time ago and Allah has given you someone better than her. Allah has given you someone better than her. She's talking about herself. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said he said no one has given me and replaced for me someone better than her. He's saying this to Aisha in her face, right? But then he mentions her virtue and the virtue again is tied to the purpose. He says, "She believed in me when people disbelieved in me. She considered me truthful when people when they belied me and she supported me with her wealth when people denied me and she gave me children." He's speaking about Khadijah. The prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam whenever he would receive money or gifts he would give them to the friends of Khadijah and the relatives Khadijah passed away humble to the h and that was his boundary when the when the boundaries were were he would get angry for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that's even how his wife should describe the prophetam as well when your wife sees you get upset remain silent for the right reason this is something that is so respectful and she'll respect you and even if something happens to y'all separate or you were to get another wife for example, she can say, "No, he's an honorable man. He's someone that whenever he gets upset, it's something that's in violation of the religion." I have to admit that, right? I have to admit that this is what is important here that you are humble to the truth and that is where your boundaries are founded. That is where people can find what you like and don't like. The things that you will not compromise is that which is in the deen and you will obtain and maintain respect with that inshallah.
Number six, a person's words will never outdo their ways. This is crucial for a man particularly. Um you will find that we listen to words a lot. We hear words and you know things may be said to us that may make us believe what's being said. It's not to be pessimistic or to be skeptical. But it's important that you look at the actions and the patterns rather than just focusing on the words. And you find men, they fall into this, especially when they're in the rat race and they're working and then they may face a problem with their wife and then their wife just says, "I love you." And then you know, well, she loves me that I I you know, but what she's doing to you or she's disrespecting you or she's not being honest with the money or she's not wanting to go to therapy because she says, you know, I'm fine and I love you or, you know, she gives you words that make you calm down, but the habits are still continuing. When she gets mad, she disrespects you in front of the children. She disrespects you in front of the relatives, but then she comes back and says, "I'm sorry." Then she wants to be intimate with you. The patterns, the actions is what you need to evaluate. And this is why separation, as we talked about before, that detachment and separation for the evaluation is so crucial for the man.
When I counsel brothers and when I talk to brothers and do coaching with them, you'll find that they they say to themselves, "I don't even know how I got this far deep into it. you know, I don't even realize, you know, I'm I'm coming up to breathe. And as I'm breathing, I'm seeing everything in front of me because you're so caught up. You're just in the hamster wheel work to provide. I know I'm supposed to provide. I know I'm supposed to take care of my family. Okay, I'm taking care of my family. Yeah, my wife disrespects me. Yeah, my wife, you know, goes out when she wants to. Yeah, my wife says I'm being too overbearing. I'm being misogynistic. And maybe I am, but you know, I don't want to get in an argument. I just want to keep the peace. Uh, it's not about me being right or wrong. It's just that, you know, she may be right. You know what I'm saying? We haven't been intimate over a year or so, but you know, it's me. It's me. It's me. What are the actions that are consistent with her after you've sat with yourself, you're trying to live your purpose, you're humble for the h, you're humble for the truth in front of Allah, you look at yourself first before you even look at her, right? You've done all those things. If those actions are continuing, you have to look at the actions. The words hold no weight. As a matter of fact, if those words are consistent and the actions are consistent as well, that is a blatant sign of disregard and disrespect. Words hold no weight in regards to actions. They will never outweigh actions. Look at the patterns and see if they change with you in consideration. But most importantly, is it obedience to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and why she's and why she's changing in the region that she's changing? Are you giving her that advice? And if not, this is where you need to live your truth. Be honest with yourself to where you can be honest with her in the same regard. Don't let words just keep you content from being a person of peace inside of yourself and inside of the house.
And number seven, in uncomfortability and patience lies true transformation. You know, we have in our inner circle, our mastermind group, we always talk about, you know, we have a war plan, 90-day war plan. We have an accountability tracker that, you know, some of us are using. If you're watching, you know who you are if you're not using it. um to where it's it revolves around consistency, accountability, uncomfortability, adaptability, consistency and whatever we're talking about that we want to do. Obviously with the salah, we have the salah stacking mechanism program and tracking of that uh accountability. We hold each other accountable once a week, once a meeting, we we we we speak to each other and we hold each other accountable. the brothers themselves mashallah to better creating that culture and also you have that uh adaptability because things will change. One week we have a challenge on push-ups. The next week we have a challenge of brothers getting hijama. You know it's different types of challenges where brothers are doing things they've never done before but make no mistake it's backed by Quran or Sunnah or something that's just general generally good for the health and for the body and for the soul. these things praying salat dha for the whole week. You know who's going to compete in this particular fitness challenge, nutrition challenge. We're always challenging each other and that uncomfortability strengthens the adaptability muscle strengthens that resilience to where you have that resilience of getting back up after not winning or after making a mistake or after falling short. The brothers feel comfortable enough, alhamdulillah, to say, you know, I made a mistake. But the brothers that are there, we encourage each other to move forward, to keep pushing because you're going to get there. Inshallah, purpose. Inshallah, you're going to get there by the help of the brothers and by you continuing on. That's where the transformation lies. It lies in the failure. It lies in the uncomfortability. It lies in the uh adaptability, adapting to some new habit that has to be taken.
When your wife sees that, when your family sees that, that you are comfortable with being uncomfortable because you are trying to get somewhere in your diet, in your sleep, in your fitness. These three, diet, sleep, and fitness. This is how you will transform. And all these three, when these three get to better, get better and improve, you will see your ibada will improve as well. When you get some good sleep, you wake up before and you make salat. When you wake your wife up for making, she sees that you're changing your ways because what you ate before you went to sleep was something healthy. Or you didn't eat at all because you wanted to wake up and you wanted to eat a good sore for fasting. You're changing your ways and you're patient with the process. You're patient with the gradual decreasing of belly fat. You're not waiting to see it in 30 days. You may know it may come in 90 days because of your lifestyle. You're p you're fasting on Mondays and Thursdays, right? You're you're bringing in this habit of breaking fast on Mondays and Thursdays. Your children see it. They see that you're silent because you're fasting. You're trying to control your temper. This is where the transformation lies. But what's so beautiful about this is that the transformation is not only with you. When you transform, she will see it and she will be affected because the goal is for her dean is your dean. May Allah make it easy on you brothers. Inshallah.
Remember these seven. We hope that Allah subhana wa ta'ala is the one that will make this easy upon you cuz we know he will facilitate but it is upon you to make the effort. Look at these seven. Look at yourself in the mirror and see where am I? which each with each one of these and asking Allahh to reach all seven to have an effective transformation to change the climate, the culture, the dean of your household inshallah.