Transcription
I am a woman. I have lived an experience. From that, I have created opinions. So, if you as a man disagree with my opinions, you are invalidating my experiences and attacking my very self. This is a real belief held by many women. And by the end of this video, you're going to understand that for women who think like this, there is no such thing as a healthy disagreement. To see things differently is to attack her character. And that's why, in a disagreement, she goes right to attacking yours. If that doesn't make sense yet, trust me, it will.
I'm going to run a little experiment. "Hey, do you think you can do Easter this year?"
"Sure. When's Easter?"
"Like, can you do like, can you just look after it? Can you just do everything? Get the eggs, like do the hunt, do all of it."
"Yeah, sure. When is it?"
"No, you, you need to figure that out. Like..."
"All right. Just..."
"What do we need?"
"No, you need to do it. That's what I'm asking. Can you just do everything?"
"Yeah, I'll do it. I'll just... Okay. Minutes and then call me for..."
"Can you do it? Can you just tell me you can manage it? I don't need to worry about it. That's all I'm asking."
"Yes."
I have so many thoughts about that video. You know, a lot of modern women will look at that interaction and they'll think, "Oh my god, look how useless men are. Men are so clueless. He can't do anything without being told. Like, why is he asking all those questions like, 'When's Easter? What do I do?' She's trying to give you the task and yet you keep insisting that she do all of this emotional labor. No, figure it out yourself. God, men are so lazy and entitled."
Women, do you understand why men ask the details? Like, "What do I have to do?" It's because of how frequently men everywhere have the following experience: A woman asks a man to do something. He does it in the way that he thinks it should be done. The task gets completed, and he's satisfied. But it turns out that the woman had a very specific way that she wanted the task done. And so, just at the moment of his happiness, his triumph at completing the task according to his own satisfaction, she breaks the foundation from underneath him and attacks him with the righteous anger of a woman who genuinely feels entitled to not just tell him what task to do, but also to dictate the manner in which that task is done. Men across the globe have noticed this very predictable pattern. And so they know that it's best for everybody involved that when a woman gives you a task to do, it's in your best interest to ask a lot of questions, to ask a lot of details so that you know exactly how she wants it done. It's your task. You're the one completing it. But it does not matter that it's done to your standards. It's her standards that need to be satisfied. And so, of course, to protect himself, he wants to know everything that she's thinking. He wants to know what it is that she's looking for because unless he does that, the likelihood that she's going to be angry with him is extremely high.
"I have a golden rule for my relationship that I swear is like why we're so happy. I like to call it the 'I don't comment if I don't want to do it' rule. It's rather self-explanatory, but for example, my fiancé took our dog for a run a couple of weeks ago, and it was pouring rain. He comes home from this rainy run with our dog and starts drying our dog off with a very nice, very expensive bath towel. And I said, 'Hey, you know, there's a ratty old beach towel in there if you want to dry him off with that instead.' And he said, 'No.' And as much as I wanted to get mad and get annoyed and be like, 'You should dry him off with the beach towel. It's not nice. It's not expensive.' I thought to myself, I don't want to dry the dog off. So, you know what? You do it your way. I am not going to comment because I don't want to do it.' And that's my golden rule."
I mean, except that you did comment on social media in the most like smug, condescending way that you possibly could, trashing your boyfriend about how moronic he is with the towels to all of your followers. The irony of a woman outsourcing her complaining and then like patting herself on the back for not complaining. But as distasteful as I find her as an individual, I actually do agree with her. The rule she's describing is how things should be. If you, as a woman, delegate a task to a man, you then need to back off and then let him do it his way. If it's something that's really important to you and you want it done a specific way, then you do it. I mean, she kind of gets it. She's still got that like longsuffering, exasperated expression. "Oh, can you believe men? My boyfriend is such an idiot." I'm guessing that that's the true purpose of a video like this. It's just to get validation from the comment section, you know, complaining about men. Just like with this Easter video, it's meant to showcase how useless men are.
When I watch this clip, I see a man who is already engaged in a task. He's in the middle of a video game, and she ambushes him, purposely setting him up to look bad on social media. I think he comes out of this looking fine. Seems clear to me that she's the problematic one because let's review. He didn't refuse to do the task. He agreed to do it. And he asked follow-up questions, which is normal. That's him thinking out loud. He's processing this new information. He wants to make sure that he gets it right, that he meets her standards. He wants to know what her expectations are. Maybe when she asks him to handle Easter, she has something specific in mind that she wants. And of course, it's basic politeness. It's due diligence to check in. It didn't occur to him that a casual conversation about the details would be off-limits. And why would it? Can you believe he asked follow-up questions? Oh my god, what a monster. My biggest criticism for this guy is that he's tolerating behavior from his partner that he absolutely should not. She's behaving extremely poorly, and she needs to be held accountable. A higher quality woman would not interrupt him with some passive-aggressive social media experiment. She would say to him, "Hey, sorry to interrupt. Can you please let me know when you finish this level? There's something I'd like to talk to you about." That's kindness. That's respect. That gives him the opportunity to finish his task and then clear his mind, place himself in a receptive state where he can properly listen to her. And then she can ask, "Can you please organize Easter this year?" Which is fine, perfectly natural, reasonable request. There's nothing wrong with that. And there's also nothing wrong with her wanting to be completely hands-off, to do none of the emotional labor involved in organizing it. That is a legitimate request, but he's not a mind reader. How can he be expected to know that any request for details or minor collaboration was going to lead to ridicule? If you don't want to take any responsibility for how it gets done or what happens, that's fine. You just need to tell him. If he starts to ask questions about what Easter involves and what she's looking for, you just explain, "Hey, sweetheart, do you mind, just as a favor to me for this particular event, if I'm able to just be completely hands-off? Like, I don't really mind what happens. I'm happy to leave all of that judgment up to you. I think for me, I would just have such a good time if it could occur and I didn't have to be involved in the organizing at all. I'd just be so appreciative of that." That is respectful. It tells him why you're asking for this, and it reassures him that you don't mind if he sets his own standards for whatever gets done. It's kind and it shows that she trusts him. And that doesn't seem so difficult to do, right? Like, just showing basic respect and kindness, but that's not what we got in this video. Instead, we got a woman sighing and rolling her eyes at the camera. I don't even understand why she's upset at the end. She got what she wanted. He agreed to do it. Is this not a happy outcome? Was negotiating that five seconds of confusion really so taxing for you?
But of course, she's not going to welcome any thorough analysis because that would show how flimsy her foundation of condescension actually is. She'll much prefer to just sort of launch a vague smugness over the whole situation. A lot of women, they don't want to actually take the time to explain specifically where a man has gone wrong, what missteps he's made, because to explain it would make her frustration tangible, and it would leave it open to scrutiny. But she doesn't want that. She can't logically justify her frustration. This is emotional. She just wants to shame him. The go-to tactic for so many women is to make it personal. The implication being that there is just something so fundamentally and innately wrong with you. You're so broken and defective that to explain things to you is just a waste of time.
"What rights do men have that women don't?"
That right there says it all. In this video, I'm going to explain why, when faced with a disagreement, instead of choosing the path where you engage in the argument, the default setting for femininity is to make it personal. The way that I figure it is that if a woman is going to hit below the belt, then you better make damn sure that it's a really nice belt. Which is why I'm grateful for the sponsor of today's video, Anson Belt and Buckle. Be honest. How long has it been since you last upgraded your belts? Is it a long time? Are you still using that faded, worn-out one that you've had for over a decade? Are you aware of how much Anson Belt and Buckle have revolutionized the way that belts work? Instead of holes, Anson belts use a micro-adjustable track system. It works on quarter-inch increments so that your belt fits perfectly every single time. It's one size at the beginning of dinner, but after three courses, you loosen it a quarter-inch. Their belts and buckles are interchangeable, too, giving you heaps of options and different combinations so that you can customize your belt to match your outfit. What's more, these belts come with a lifetime functionality guarantee. This is a company that was built on trust. They've been family-owned since 2009, and they have over 40,000 five-star reviews. Trust me, once you try one of these belts, you'll never use the old ones again. Because Anson Belt and Buckle are sponsoring this video, when you click the link in the description or scan this QR code to build your box set, you'll get two bonus pieces: a buckle and a strap, completely free. That's three buckles and three straps which can be mixed and matched to make nine different combinations in just one box. It's an exclusive deal that you won't get anywhere else. So, click the link, build your set, and upgrade your belt game today.
All right, back to the video, and let's watch that clip one more time.
"What rights do men have that women don't?"
"I know you want your sister."
Here's the thing. When women feel threatened by a difference of opinion, their instinct does not tell them to try and win the argument. Instead, they make it personal and they move for the man to be disqualified from being recognized as being worthy of participating in the conversation. She spits into the microphone. The message is clear: You are not worth engaging with. If displays of contempt don't work, she'll up the ante and start engaging in reputational violence, and only escalates from there because she doesn't exist in the paradigm of healthy disagreement. She doesn't want to hear differing points of view. She finds that threatening. What she wants is to feel comfortable. And what's going to make her feel comfortable is if you just stay silent.
"What is it with Piki Boy saying stuff like, 'Oh, men suffer in silence. How about you shut your mouth to actually suffer in silence?'" This attitude is not rare to many women. The very existence of this channel is offensive for the simple reason of giving voice to the male perspective dilutes the amount of attention that is going towards the female perspective, and therefore it's immoral. Maybe you've experienced this if you've ever been brave or foolish enough to share one of my videos with the women in your life, or even if you just try and explain this point of view. If you've ever tried that, let me ask you this question, even though I'm pretty sure I know the answer: When you tried to have that conversation in response, did the woman give you a calm, rational, logical breakdown of where the ideas were wrong? Like, why the points of my video were mistaken or based on flawed assumptions? Or if it's just in a conversation, like where the flaw was in your reasoning, did you get that kind of a response? Or instead of actually engaging with the ideas on their merits, were you told that this kind of content is problematic, and that it's offensive, and that the things that you're saying are sexist? And in case you haven't figured it out yet, "offensive" is just code for a woman saying, "True, but I don't like it. I can't explain to you why you're wrong, but it doesn't make me feel comfortable, so it's offensive." I hope that all men in my audience know that offensive does not mean incorrect.
But understand this: for a modern woman who uses her own emotions as evidence, which sadly far too many modern women do, being offended is actually a pretty smart strategy because it shifts the grounds of the discussion away from reason and logic and then turns it into a moral discussion. You want to talk about whether or not something is true, but she doesn't want to have that conversation. She would rather talk about, "What is the matter with you for bringing this stuff up? How can you even say that? Like, what kind of person could believe these things?" This is her fighting the battle on her home turf. You know, she's got that home ground advantage. She's very comfortable in that kind of a conversation. It's actually pretty genius because think of it like this: if her emotions are evidence, then the more offended she is, then naturally the more terrible a person you must be. You see, you're not wrong. We're not even going to discuss that. That's not important. What matters is that you are pathetic for wanting to have this conversation. Women like that, they don't want to debate you. They want to ostracize you because that's the feminine strategy. This is what they know. Do you think when high school girls are like giving each other the silent treatment and like pushing each other in and out of the clique? Do you think that's happening by like a rational, logical thought process? Like they're weighing the merits of their friendships? No. That's not how women approach things. I'm not talking about all women in all situations. I'm just saying if femininity goes toxic, this is what it looks like. This is how they can get out of a tough spot. Because if they can successfully label you as dangerous or sexist, then suddenly there's no need for them to disprove any of the things that you've actually said. The debate's over before it starts. She wants to shut you down quickly because she knows if you're given enough space to actually explain yourself, then her foundation is going to feel increasingly flimsy. And so in a conversation or a debate like this, if you start making too much sense, guaranteed that's when the personal attacks are going to start to come out.
"Were men and women equal? Actually, women are better than men. What do men bring to the world? Literally nothing."
"Everything you know and love. If you look around the entire infrastructure of our nation, our economy, every building you walk into, the way that you are portraying your ideas and opinions is through technology and infrastructure and an economy and a nation that was not only built but is still maintained to this day by men."
"Did men allow you to have that haircut?"
There it is. The whole time that he's speaking, she's not thinking, "Hmm, that's a good point, but he's missing something. How can I refute that? How can I rebut that? Or should I change my opinion based on his evidence?" None of her brain power is going towards any of those calculations. She's thinking, "I wonder what he's most vulnerable about with his appearance because when he stops talking, I'm going to attack that." And what's so embarrassing is that she probably thought that that was like a mic drop moment because maybe like in a group of girls, like that sort of thing, that might be effective. I don't really know. But like making like a cutting comment about like the appearance of your competitor, maybe that settles the argument in girl world. But when you try that sort of tactic with a man, it just looks so weird. Like they're discussing the utility of men in society, and then she brings up like his haircut. The logical part of his brain's probably just exploding. Like, "What? How does that got anything to do with what we're talking about?" If it ever is effective, like a woman just making personal attacks in an argument, if that ever is successful against a man, it's very rarely because her arguments actually like hit home and, you know, smash against some particular vulnerability that he has. More often than not, it just kind of stuns him into silence as he's overcome with confusion because he's trying to track logically where she's coming from, like how that could be relevant, and he just can't find anything. And that's because men and women, they both approach disagreements with a completely different purpose in mind because from the man's perspective, he is guided by persuasion. But from the woman's perspective, she's guided by exclusion. You see this with high school girls, but also with adult female friendships. You see it in the workplace. You probably saw it back in caveman days. This is a deeply ingrained feminine instinct. Women exert power through exclusion. That is a well-practiced strategy of women. And it is so much easier to socially exclude somebody than to prove that they are factually incorrect.
Now, the social exclusion thing might seem like a bit weird or perhaps a little bit hurtful to you as a man, but it's not your primary focus because you want to find out whether or not something is factually true or not. You know, it's a deeply ingrained masculine instinct to be aligned with reality. But the female brain doesn't scan for logical inconsistencies in the same way that the male brain does. No, her brain's busy doing something different. Okay? She is scanning for emotional threats. And that is why women don't argue the point. They defend the emotion. You will find women stubbornly holding on to some completely ridiculous position or opinion that they have adopted in the face of overwhelming logic and facts and evidence, but they'll do so because they're defending their emotion. And in their world, their emotion can't be wrong. So, not only are they defending it, they are righteously defending it. Emotions are extremely important to women in a way that it's difficult for men with the male brain to really understand. I mean, personally, I feel sorry for them in this regard. It sounds like a nightmare to have this as your neurological programming. But as a woman in a female-dominated space, the worst thing that you can do isn't to be wrong. The worst thing you can do is to make other people uncomfortable. Even if all of your sisters and your female friends are walking in the wrong direction, and you know that they're walking in the wrong direction, the unspoken social code for women is to maintain social harmony. What's important is that everybody feels good, not that you're making the right choice. It is highly unlikely that this woman's friends are standing behind her, listening to the man's argument and weighing the merits of the points that he's making. Like, "Oh, yeah, rational calculations." They're not thinking that. They're existing on a different plane. No matter what, they're going to be supporting their friend because of the vibes, because of the emotions.
To bring this back to the chart that I showed you at the beginning of this video, where if you disagree with her opinions, that means you are invalidating her experience and attacking her identity. You can see from that perspective that the paradigm of right and wrong that so defines the male experience, that does not transplant neatly onto the female brain. Right and wrong is not the paradigm that really makes sense to her. The dichotomy that she feels comfortable with is harmony versus disruption, mean versus kind. This is so deeply ingrained to the point where a lot of women genuinely cannot understand the concept of you having a healthy disagreement with her. You're expressing yourself respectfully. You're not attacking her. You just have a difference of opinion, but that's not how it feels to her. It feels personal. And so, of course, she's emotionally justified in rolling her eyes or insulting your haircut, sighing, complaining about how useless you are as a man, you know, making you feel like there's something defective in you. You know, she makes it personal. But you got to understand from her perspective, the way she feels is that by disagreeing with her opinion, you made it personal first. She's just being defensive. She's just returning what you gave her. That's not how you experience it. For you, it's like something that just came out of the blue. Like, "What the hell? Where did that come from? Why did this conversation suddenly become personal?" But it only is experienced by you like that because you don't understand that for her, it was personal from the outset.
Now, quality women, they understand this particular weakness inside them and they override that instinct, even if they feel it. If she feels threatened by your thoughts and opinions, she makes a concerted effort to engage with them at a rational level. But for other women, lower quality ones, they will very quickly resort to shaming tactics with the explicit intention of making you feel as though there is something wrong with you, and so therefore you will stay quiet.
"I definitely don't think if I was stranded in the forest with a random man that he would protect me the whole time we're stranded there."
"What percentage of men do you think would choose to attack you in this scenario?"
"Probably like 80% of men."
Are you starting to see the bigger picture? Because this is the strategy. If you can't refute the logical claims being made by men, then the option left to you is to just keep upping the ante. Keep presenting men as though they are just so hopeless, so dangerous, that of course we don't need to listen to them. What possible truth could come out of the mouth of a being as broken and defective and morally bankrupt as a man? And the more logical that men get, the greater the need to demonize them.
Maybe I'm being overconfident here, but I feel like if you could just give me 20 minutes, 20 minutes with a woman when she's at her most open-minded, and then I just explained a male perspective of the world that she's never heard before. In just 20 minutes, if she could honestly take that in, it would break apart most of the assumptions that she has about the world and her place in it. I really think that that's all it would take. The question is, will I ever get 20 minutes? Because obviously, I talk about this stuff a lot, like in my personal life, and I cannot think of a single conversation I've had with a woman who was open-minded and listening to my perspective, who did not see validity in what I was saying. The challenge is actually getting a woman who's willing to listen, who doesn't have that strong defensive instinct that the moment that she hears something that threatens her perspective, she just gets offended and emotional and then blocks you out as somebody who's not worthy of being listened to. And in the short term, it is effective. When a woman gets offended or gets really emotional, a lot of men do stop. And some of that is surprise because he's thinking, "Gosh, I thought we were just like discussing ideas, but like now she's really emotional or she's like accusing me of being a bad person. I don't know what happened. This is not safe. I'm just going to be quiet." It will work for a little while, but women are really prioritizing in this regard their short-term comfort at the expense of their long-term well-being because this is not going to end well.
I'm guessing a lot of you guys are just like me. For a long time, your understanding of the world, like your read on the objective facts of reality, did not match up with what was considered socially acceptable to say. Your opinions on culture, on men, on women were not acceptable. In fact, they may have even been controversial. And when you tried to talk about it and explain your point of view, women just got upset. And so, you decide to stay quiet because you're not a jerk. You don't want to upset women. You're not intentionally trying to cause harm or make people uncomfortable. And maybe you even went through a period where you doubted your own perception, and you start to wonder if your own eyes are lying to you because the way that you see it, the way that you understand it, it just seems to be making everybody upset. So maybe you've got it wrong. And so maybe you're shamed into silence for a little while. But the longer that it goes where nobody engages with the substance of what you're saying, no one's actually listening to your point of view or making any effort to refute it. It's just emotions and shaming and all that stuff. The longer that that goes on, the deeper your suspicion grows that you were right all along. And this is what's happening culture-wide because the privately held opinions and beliefs by most people have just been pushed underground for such a long period of time that there is an enormous chasm between people's privately held beliefs and what's okay, like, non-controversial to say. And I'm not saying that I've got everything right. Absolutely not. But I give myself a lot of grace because one of the ways that you test if your ideas are wrong is by listening to alternative perspectives, engaging in healthy debate. You know, having a conversation with someone who's willing to actually take the time and explain the flaw in your thinking. And guess what? That's just impossible to find.
I think I'm in my eighth year of doing this channel. And for that entire time, I have wanted women who disagreed with me to come onto this channel and then explain to me why I'm wrong. Lay it out. I would have been the most respectful host. But I just could not find any women to do it. The women I know in my personal life, they agree with me. But the women who disagree with me, they treat me as though I'm just so far beneath them that, you know, it's just, it's just not worth their time to engage. There's no place to meet in the middle. I know that it wasn't everybody's favorite format, but I did three or four debates with an AI. I've actually probably done like 20 or 30, you know, in my personal life, 'cause this is how I like to challenge myself, but I posted like three or four. I get that people don't necessarily want to see me talk to a computer, but at that stage, you got to understand, I was just that desperate to actually have the conversation.
But I'll tell you something that's kind of shifted, I suppose, for me. I don't know if it's a total shift in values, but it's definitely a shift in the strength of my conviction because I think that part of me for a long time has been like holding back just like a little bit, like a small pocket because I've been thinking, "It's not really safe to fully embrace, you know, all of my perspectives and my opinions until I've heard the other side, until I've actually had the process of a good faith series of arguments where I get to hear, you know, exact counterpoints to everything that I'm saying. Like, I think I need that challenge first before I can really be confident in myself." But what I've realized recently is that the silence itself is a response. If men across the West continue to make thoughtful, principled, reasoned arguments, and in response, they get emotions and shaming, then I'm not sure that that debate actually needs to occur. I think women have given their answer, which is that they have no answer. I think we are beginning to see now that the female strategy of just counting on men feeling ashamed and feeling guilty and staying silent because they're just going to be so wrapped up in their emotional turmoil. I think we're seeing that that was never going to be effective in the long term. I think it briefly caught men off guard, and a lot of guys didn't want to dismiss, you know, the notion that we might be like bad people, or that women's suffering is like genuinely distinct and special and needs special accommodations. Like, we're not going to dismiss an argument until we've thoroughly explored it. But at this stage, it's been explored and it's found to be hollow.
I think I speak for a lot of men when I say that answering my question by trying to instill a feeling of guilt in me is no longer adequate. If you don't speak up and actually have a genuine response to what's being said, then the only logical conclusion is that deep down, you know that it's true. I don't think that the women of the West are really prepared for what's coming or really have the humility to realize that this strategy was never going to work because they've been applying a female strategy for disagreement to men. And amongst women, it might work indefinitely. You know, just threats of disapproval and social ostracization and shaming, that might be enough in female-only circles to maintain conformity and enforce silence for a long period of time. I'm not entirely sure, but I suspect that the reason it's so well-grooved in the female brain is because it is effective. But trying that same strategy on men, it was never going to work in the long term.
And so I say this with genuine care and compassion for women. If you have been sent this video, if you're a subscriber of mine, if your boyfriend's making you watch it, I don't know by what means you've come to be listening to my voice right now, but I say this with your best interest at heart: Listen to men before it's too late. The current societal model of gender relations is not working. Men are reaching their boiling point. They cannot be shamed any longer. And right now, men are still willing to speak softly and calmly. That's a good thing. Invite that conversation because if you put it off any longer, pretty soon you're going to hear men shouting because this cannot go on.
Now, if you as a man are still susceptible to these shaming tactics, I'm not going to blame you. Like, you're not feeling, you know, courageous enough to have these conversations with women to hold women accountable because, you know, the threat of social ostracization, it actually does eat at you if you're honest with yourself. If that's where you're at, no shame in that. Most men have been where you are at some point. Every person's path is unique. Just run your own race. You know, go at the pace that's comfortable for you. But, but if you feel like you're ready to move a little bit further down that path, you want to get rid of some of the psychological blocks that you still have, then I would like to help you. I'd like to be a part of that process. And mostly, that's what I'm doing here on this channel. But speaking specifically right now, I'm going to spend the rest of this video exploring the psychology of a man who still feels intensely scared of women and vulnerable to what power women have over him. I want to give you some practical tips that you can implement in your life straight away that are going to lessen that fear. If that sounds interesting to you, then come on over to Patreon. That's where I post the full-length versions of all of my videos. That's where this video continues. There is just so much exclusive content there.