Transcription
There is a term and a mindset that I think would be really, really helpful for all of us to become acquainted with right now. And that term is spiteful optimism.
I know I make a lot of content that's like, "Y'all need to knock it off with the doomerism. All hope is not lost. This is not the end of everything. The apocalypse is not real. Human beings have endured far more terrible things than this. And it is cooler heads that will prevail. We must maintain our focus and not give into panic." And, you know, I think sometimes I can get a little scoldy. I can kind of end up momming everybody. And so, I've been thinking about how I can share that mindset of spiteful optimism from a slightly different angle. So, I want to make a couple of videos on this subject.
I'm going to say right off the bat that I've been very inspired by a book from Zadie Smith entitled *Feel Free*. I'm going to actually dive into that a little bit in the next video. So, first, I'd like to share with you a piece called "Spiteful Optimism: Happiness as an Expression of Resistance" by Julian Fraser, PhD. It was written in the spring of 2024, but it's even more relevant today.
You don't have to look too far for evidence that maybe the world sucks. On one hand, you have more resources, amenities, comfort, and wealth than at any other time in human history. But for some odd reason, we are not any happier. If anything, we are more starkly aware of all of the problems in the world, many of which aren't getting better or are actively getting worse. Wars are being fought and atrocities are being committed. There is a massive pile of trash swirling around the ocean. The planet is still slowly getting hotter as climate changes, thanks in large part to our dependence on fossil fuels. Social media, TikTok, and dating apps are eroding the fabric of our relationships, and everything from mental health to birth rates are plummeting. Meanwhile, artificial intelligence presents a number of matrix-like worst-case scenarios and opens Pandora's Box into a completely different class of existential threats. Did we mention that we still have enough nuclear warheads to destroy the world several times over?
If you wanted to ruminate or worry about the end of the world, you'd likely be justified in doing so. The only problem is that rarely does worrying about the end of the world make for living a happy life. If you want to be happy, you'll have to find a way to psychologically overcome all of that bad news. In other words, if you want to be happy for any amount of time, you'll have to figure out how to do it in spite of our modern existential realities.
You've likely heard the saying, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The proverb encourages people to maintain a positive attitude and optimism in the face of adversity or misfortune. However, we engage in taking it a step further. Introducing spiteful optimism. We typically think of expressions of being spiteful or petty as being immature. And yet, we have all gone out of our way to do something merely to get under someone else's skin or to prove them wrong. This includes the feeling of triumph one gets when you are able to succeed in spite of someone who implies that you will fail. We have all heard stories of someone being told, "You aren't good enough," only to use this as a kind of spiteful motivation to overcome the odds that are stacked against them. Instead of feeling disheartened or defeated, being told you can't do it inspires some people to prove that they can, in fact, do it. Yeah, I think that's that very much is my personality.
The world doesn't want you to be happy. The world wants you to be dissatisfied and to pursue happiness, but to never quite get there. I would say contentment instead of happiness, but I understand why the author chooses that word. People who pursue happiness are motivated to engage in society, to make money, to be productive, and to try to buy the terms and conditions of their happiness. Meanwhile, people who are unhappy are often distracted by their own unhappiness. If you lack having your basic needs met, it is often difficult to summon up the energy and personal resources necessary to change things about your life. Many people get stuck in situations where they have just enough to survive, but not enough to thrive. And that would be the working class in late-stage capitalism. That would be almost every American in 2025 and going forward if we don't stop this.
Okay, don't get me wrong. Society doesn't want you to be miserable either. People who have nothing to lose are just as problematic as those who have all of their needs met. I think, I think the Trump regime is going to find that out sooner rather than later. In a world that seems doomed by looming existential threats, society is like being on life support. It gives you just enough to keep you going, but not enough so that you can move. Finally, the idea of happiness is the carrot, right? We are striving for it, but we never quite get there. Ask many people what they want and they will tell you ultimately that they just want to be happy. Chasing the myth of happiness as some kind of end state or goal is like running on a treadmill. We do a lot of work, but we rarely get anywhere.
In a world that doesn't want you to be happy, being happy requires that you do it despite the world. Society is like that one person who did not believe in you and who went out of their way to tell you that you can't do it. Society says, "You'll never be good enough. You'll never be happy. You'll never accomplish what you wanted. Maybe somebody else, but not you." The spiteful optimist uses these messages as motivation to be happy in spite of society's constant pestering. "Oh yeah, watch me."
The spiteful optimist knows that the world is burning around them. They aren't ignorant of the threats, the terrors, and the monsters that lurk in the darkness. They don't necessarily believe that things will be okay. Maybe they really will get worse before they get better. But they know that being sad, hurt, afraid, and compliant is exactly what they want. They know that allowing themselves to be defeated by the circumstances means they have won. And in spite of oppression, we choose to find ways to be happy despite circumstances. In a world that insists you shouldn't or can't be happy, we must find ways to rebelliously experience fun, joy, and passion. The spiteful optimist finds ways of enjoying life and experiencing and sharing joy as a form of rebellion and resistance.
I think this piece was very much in keeping with the hope is a discipline; it's not a feeling. We have to be determined not to let the psychological tactics, the intentional demoralization of the regime work on us. We have to be spiteful and say, "Fuck no, I am not going to let you mess with my head. I am not going to let you coerce my brain into giving up on me and giving up on this country. I refuse to let the tactics of the regime play me into submission."
For me, spiteful optimism is not really about finding happiness in this moment. I don't tend to orient my life around finding happiness at all. That's a term that I rarely use. I'm much more about, "How do I find contentment in my present circumstances? What are the ways I can be intentional about experiencing joy and sharing that joy?" That in and of itself is an act of resistance in a time and place when the regime wants you to be completely stripped down. They want to deny you any pleasure, any passion, any joy, any sense of worth. Then it absolutely is an act of resistance to intentionally seek out opportunities to experience joy and hope and peace and love and happiness.
And I just think there's something good here. It was Knitting Cult Lady a while ago who said that Americans are jerks. I think we all have a real hefty dose of spite deep down inside us. We all have an awful lot of petty, and it would be really good for our resistance against fascism. It would be really good for our mental health and our longevity in this marathon to seek to restore our democracy and get justice for the illegal, immoral, inhumane things that are being brought about right now to like tap into that petty, tap into that spite. How can you be a jerk and say, "Fuck no, I'm not letting this work on me." Absolutely not. You say that we're doomed. I'm going to prove you wrong, [ __ ] You say that we should give up in advance because you're all big and all powerful and there's nothing we can do. I'm going to prove you wrong. You say that my whole purpose in life is just to work myself to the bone so that the billionaires can live high on the hog in the lap of luxury and obscene wealth and comfort while I struggle and my children struggle. [ __ ] that. How can you channel some of that spite? How can you channel some of that petty? How can you let their negative messages not demoralize you but motivate you to take action and to resist?