Stefan Daniel’s Story - “The Best is Never Planned” ~ PART 1 (BIRTH TO 20)

And um, I'm a man with a dream, and uh, going to tell my story. I've been uh, I've told it a few times. I don't know, I've told it to the extent I'm going to tell today, but uh, I'm going to do my best here to go into my, into my past and to kind of relive my earlier years. Um, my, my school, my, um, post-school time, and uh, kind of how life has evolved and how I really kind of found heaven by going through hell.

And uh, I'm gonna have, very likely, my friend Rex come on here. He's in Eswatini, um, which is between South Africa and Mozambique. And uh, him and I were supernaturally, we met and whatnot. It's been a, it's been a beautiful divine intervention just to have him as a friend in my life and as a brother in Christ.

So, before I go, though, I'm just going to pray for the Lord's blessing on this, that uh, that He gives me the, the words and the guidance to think clearly and diligently to tell my story.

So, heavenly Father, Jesus, I love You so much. And uh, I thank You for all the blessings that You've poured on my life. I thank You for all the suffering I went through, for the hard times in the past. You know, we just, it was a glimpse of Your pain. Got to, got to, I got to touch it just for very, very lightly to see the suffering You went through, because You went through way worse than myself or anybody else. And I never want to compare my suffering to anybody else's.

Soul Father, I pray that You help my story, help others who with there would help, help others find You, find freedom, um, just find uh, find peace. God, and uh, I pray that You send Your angels down here to uh, just give me peace and freedom. Thank You that I got the blessing of being with my brother Stephen here, sitting in the car with me. And uh, help me get this done in time because I got an appointment I got to get to in an hour and a bit, hour and 45. So, um, yeah, I just pray Your hand upon this, Lord, in Jesus' beloved, mighty name, I pray. Amen.

So, so I don't really have any notes. I got my iPad in front of me, but I don't have uh, I'm probably going to read some lyrics throughout it as well, um, and whatnot. So, yeah.

I'm uh, I was born into a uh, a Christian home, a Jesus-loving home, a very dysfunctional one at times. We, we, we full, we're full of love, um, but there's been some division caused, uh, in myself and my siblings. And I mean, I, over the years, I had a lot of anger bent up, built up in me, and it uh, it caused me to make some very, very bad choices and go down some real, really dark valleys.

And I'm looking back in my life, um, there was kind of giving a kind of overall synopsis right now of how I've turned into who I am, somebody I'm proud of. And uh, I'm, I'm just a guy with a big dream now. I have an army now. I have a team. And uh, I've always been a dreamer. When I was young, I wanted to go to the NBA. Oh, somebody's watching. Hello. I don't know if I can tell, tell my story a little bit, but I put, I was going to go private on it, but I'm going to go public. So, can't even tell. Should find out how the comments work here. I'm going to be uh, telling this and then kind of making a transcript for it and, and see how I do here and whatnot.

But uh, yeah, so I was born into a uh, into a Christian home, and I basically was born with the Bible in my hands. You know, I've studied that book my whole life, that "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth" B.I.B.L.E. And uh, a lot of amazing guidance from my mom, my dad too, by example in a lot of ways, and, and actually by a lot of ways, not so much. But that goes actually for everyone. We all have to go through a journey which is full of lessons. Life is a good teacher if you learn from it.

My uh, my slogan for myself is: "I am not defined by who I used to be." Life is a series of lessons I had to go through to learn to learn how to be me, to learn to be me. And so, uh, yeah, it was uh, it was quite a journey, quite a roller coaster. Um, my younger years were uh, were very good. I don't have too many, I have very few memories of my, of my childhood. Um, they do come back since I've gotten healthier and focused on on my well-being, um, valuing the nurturing of my temple, you know, putting my spiritual health first and having my physical, my mental, social, emotional, um, psychological, psychiatric, physiological, biological, every element of health, uh, follow suit.

And uh, I'm a strong believer that if my spiritual health is, is taken care of, um, and uh, in the way I know. And I judge nobody. My middle name is Daniel, which means "God is my judge." So I uh, I, I found my freedom through Jesus Christ. You know, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16. And uh, that's the verse pretty much everyone in the world probably knows. Not everyone, but yeah. No.

Um, so my earlier years, my earliest memories were, um, you know, by, by the age of kind of grade four, five on, I have a lot of memories. And uh, that is just a fun-loving, energetic, rabbit kid, bunny, the Energizer Bunny. But before that, uh, I remember we had an acreage in Red Deer. So, first of all, I was born in, let's go back to my, I was born on a, on a cold evening in November. Uh, I think it was evening. I keep forgetting if it was 7 in the morning or 7 at night. My mom, all correct it, um, but uh, November 12, 1984. I'm 40 now. And how those years flew by this fast, I don't know. It's been 22 years since high school, and I remember it like it was yesterday. Just crazy.

And uh, yeah, so many, so many good memories, some painful ones too, some loss, um, and whatnot, some other grief, and um, a lack of awareness on how to process emotions and all that stuff. It was in my younger years, so. But uh, yeah, it was, it was, it's quite the experience, um, in my younger years. So I just had, was born into, yeah, loving family in Calgary. And here, November 12, '84. And uh, kind of, kind of going a little slower right now, intentionally. I've learned, actually, I used to be a really fast talker, and I can do that at times. I love rabbit-holing. I love just going into whatever. And I'm probably going to do a bit of that today where I'll go back and forth in my story, and I'll get into the fluid motion of telling it. And uh, but it's been, learning self-discipline on communication. And I've, I've learned how to do it, what to do, and now I'm able to apply it to my life.

And I got some really fundamental people in my life who uh, who help me, who helped shape me, uh, help guide me, and, you know, rebuke me and correct me and teach me, train me. And that's my, my prayer to God, uh, through over the years of the last few years has been, "Father, guide me, rebuke me, correct me, teach me, and train me in righteousness." And so, um, yeah, where do I begin? When I get into my story in the deeper years, it's going to be very easy to tell.

So, Calgary till I was one, I believe, maybe two. Um, I've asked my mom over the years and to kind of get me some mixed answers. I think I got, I felt like, but um, yeah, so lived there. I have no memory of that. Um, and uh, then I moved to, we moved to Red Deer, uh, when I was 21 or two until I was seven. We had an acreage on McKenzie Road, McKenzie Lane Road, whatever it was. And uh, and uh, we had a hobby farm. We had five acres there, I believe. And we had goats, we had chickens, had horses, um, two horses, King and Dolly. My sister was an equestrian, uh, she did some art jumping, show jumping, I think it's called, and just was awesome at it. Horses have, are a very important part of her life, and she still has two horses now to this day.

And uh, um, I have, I was the third child born out of five. My old, old, my oldest brother, Martin, he's uh, gonna be 50 this year. And Andrea, I better get this right, she's 47, I believe. My, my sister. And then, um, seven, so seven or eight years later, in uh, I came along. They, my parents were done with two children. They, you know, they had their two children, and that was it. Um, and then uh, I came along accidentally. My Dad loved to tell the story every year at birthday, and it's pretty, pretty funny and whatnot. Maybe I'll get a recording of him telling the story of my conception, uh, whatever, maybe without too many details. Um, but he always tried to embarrass me, but I was uh, I was pretty unembarrassed for over the years, pretty much. Um, I'm completely and entirely, um, now there's nothing anybody can say to me that uh, uh, that is going to offend me because I have boundaries in place to to block any and all deconstructive criticism. So, um, but anyway, so I came along seven, eight years later, um, and then they liked me so much, they had two more. And so Chris came along, and he's now, uh, 37. Did I say 37 for Andrea? She's 47. He's 50. December. So Martin's 50, turning. He's old. Just kidding. Um, and Andrea, 37. Me, I'm 40. 47. I said it again. 40. I'm 40. And uh, Chris is 37. And then Elling, I believe, is 34. And um, so Chris and Elling, they're my younger two brothers. So I'm kind of the, in a sense, I feel like I'm the oldest generation, oldest child of the, of the second generation of kids, of family. So I don't know how it, you know, there are some stereotypes that uh, for oldest child, youngest child, that definitely ring true of my family.

Martin, the oldest one, is uh, he's been the most responsible, the most stable. Um, however, looking back, knowing what I know about emotional health and mental health and spiritual health, his spiritual health is great. And uh, I'm, I mean, throughout this whole thing, I, I mean absolutely no insult to anyone. Um, I think it's important that we talk, uh, constructively about each other, uh, out of absolute nothing but love. And so he's kind of the, he was the, I guess I'd say, the, the backbone of our family. I have so many beautiful memories of being a kid. He's taken, Kristen, Elling, and I. He bought us BMX bikes, and it was just an amazing old. He was the older brother that, dig, the epitome of an amazing older brother. And uh, just was awesome. And more than that, he's just kind of, yeah, he uh, he was awesome. He, he drew, he grew up.

So my parents are are quote-unquote Baby Boomers. And my mom, she's been pretty aware of of emotional health and whatnot over the years, and not as much as she is now. You know, I didn't learn growing up, uh, what mindfulness was. I learned that at the age of 35, 36. And that was one of my, one of my mental health battles. It really began. It actually began with a depression diagnosis when I was 18, but I'll get to that. And then the, the roller coaster of of stuff happened after that.

And in the last four or five years, so I uh, I am a Christian. I love Jesus. And I love nicotine too. Um, you know, there's going to be a world of of people in the church who who judge me for that, and I'm fine with that. I'm also, things I've done in my life that uh, that I'm not proud of, but I'm not ashamed of in myself anymore, because I've learned, you know, like I said, "I am not defined by who I used to be." Life is a series of lessons I had to go through to find to learn to be me. And uh, I might repeat that a couple times throughout this because it's very important to me. But for time's sake, I'll keep going here.

Um, yeah, so uh, Andrea, she's, she, my sister. You're talking about my, my family first before going about me. She's uh, she's a phenomenal, phenomenal artist. The best. Like, I've turned into an artist with words. I actually found my, my love of of uh, uh, visual arts as well in rehabilitation last year. But with words, I've kind of shaped my, I guess my identity. My identity is I'm a Child of God and disciple of Christ, and and I believe nothing is impossible, possible.

So, um, but yeah, I also believe that I'm human, and I believe that I'm a sinner. I believe that anybody who claims to be without sin makes mockery of God. And I believe that we're not to judge anyone. And I believe we're also not to argue over disputable matters. And that love shall abound above all. They believe that we are to love God with our whole heart, mind, soul, and strength, love our neighbor as ourself. So love God, love our neighbor, any, everyone, that is everyone, anyone with a heartbeat. Um, and love ourselves. So that said about nicotine, I'm gonna take a little puff.

So, uh, yeah, Andrea, she's uh, we've had a bit of a volatile relationship, her and I, throughout life. Um, she's always been, she's my only sister, um, and she's amazing. And right now, there's some volatility in our relationship, but um, it's going to heal. My family will reconcile. God told me three years ago that in four years, if there'll be full reconciliation with my family. And I speak, He speaks to me very clearly. He's spoken to me many things over the years, and a lot of supernatural experiences I've had. I'm probably not going to dive too deep into that on this story. I'm going to keep it kind of more to the point of things and whatnot.

And uh, I've got some notes from my, my dear friend, and he's in the management team of, and what we're doing, um, in the ministry. And this is a ministry outreach movement. You know, we're trying to, it ultimately is a ministry that we're building. But we may discuss it, decided to take some stigmatic stuff out of it. But again, go to that, what we're going to be doing in the future, what we're doing now, what I've done, and how everything in my life has shaped me to become who I am. And and every piece of the puzzle will come, is of the, my upbringing and overcoming and all that. And well, has shaped um, me and given me the ability to uh, live out the vision that I have with the, have this team of amazing people. And uh, yeah.

So, um, I just want to acknowledge my brother Stephen here, sitting beside me. I won't put him on video right now, but he's uh, he's an overcomer. We'll leave it at that. And uh, dear friend and brother. And we're going to be traveling, do music together. It's going to be awesome, singing at old folks' homes, rehabilitations, hospices, homeless shelters, wherever people don't have the ability to, um, be entertained, you know. But not. And so, kind of telling a bit of my future right now in the past here. So let's take, tell back to my family.

So Andrea is amazing, so creative, and uh, and whatnot. So, and I could dive into the battles I feel my siblings have as well on a mental health basis, but because I've learned so much about it, um, from myself, my journey, and uh, and uh, from conversations with others throughout my journey. But um, I'm going to decide not to do that.

Chris, my younger brother, he's uh, he, he was the kind of the class clown growing up, super smart. My whole family, we all, we're all very smart. Um, and I, except me. I'm just kidding. I, I do value intelligence. And, but it's, you know, knowledge, this and that, doesn't, I believe wisdom is the ultimate form of of of intelligence. And that, you know, you have knowledge is for knowing facts, knowing that eating too many cookies will, eating too much McDonald's will, will get you out of shape and whatnot. And the understanding is, you know, that and still do it. Understanding is knowing it. Um, and applying it to, is a knowing, is this a good example or not? Knowing it, but still doing it. You understand it, whatever. And then the wisdom is knowing it and being able to apply it. And, you know, knowing that if you do that every day, well, it's your, your body, mind, everything's gonna, gonna not like it for it. So, um, so Chris was a football player. Um, Andrea and Martin never really played much many sports growing up, as much as nearly as much as uh, Chris, Elling, and I did. Um, Chris was a football player and just uh, they called him the refrigerator. I remember he played on the for Falcons. They went six years in a row without a loss. It was just uh, crazy. And so he's, he's a big boy. He's uh, you know, he's his bones probably weigh as much as me. And uh, at one point, I was, I was 180, he was 360. And he's, he's healthy. You know, he went through phases of not doing that, of course, right, too. But, you know, they, him and his wife, they cook healthy, they ate healthy, when not. And she tries everything. He's just a big dude, refrigerator.

And then Elling, he's the, Elling was a hot. And Chris and I, actually, we were, we've had some, a very volatile relationship, more more kind of like the brother rivalry, right? But it was, and then transferred into our business years as well, as well. But, and uh, yeah, so Elling, he, and Chris and I, we, you know, I love my, I love every single one of my siblings. And I, as my, even though there's some still some elements of misunderstanding. Actually, I should say, my theme song for my life, besides some elements of the song, you know, the guy in the song wanted to become a rock star on the big stage. I couldn't care less for that. I don't care about fame, fortune. I used to love money, the American dream. Um, all that stuff is vanity now. Love is not vanity. Family is not vanity. Um, but the material things in, in the world, um, that that cause people to feel, to fuel me to make me feel happy, it doesn't, they don't mean this, anything to me anymore. It's not, I, I like eating, drinking, being, drinking and being married, as Ecclesiastes, Solomon tells us, right? Eat, drink, and be married. It doesn't say eat, get drunk, and be married. It says eat, drink, and be married. So, um, I do love alcohol still, and I drink it very moderately after years of challenge with it. But I developed that thing, that last, of the fruit of the spirit, self-control, which I think is, which was absolutely my hardest one to to get to. And, um, you know, life is a series of lessons. You got to keep growing and getting more and more renewed every day and more sanctified each day.

So yeah, Chris is awesome. Um, Elling, Chris, I should also say, is extremely amazing at guitar. Andrea, she's a singer too. I never heard Martin sing. So he, I don't know. He probably watches him. I'm sure he's like a professional opera singer if he tries. I don't know. But Andrea, she's got a beautiful voice. My dad, as well, I should say that he grew up in a very musical family. And, um, his father, my grandpa, Art, we used to sing "How Great Thou Art" to my grandpa. "How Great Thou Art." Anyways, as a joke, of course. We're singing to God, right? He was basically a junior, junior Billy Graham. He was, he had a huge vision. He was a pilot. I could talk about all my family members. But my grandpa and Omen, open, Grandma, they were the examples. They were the prayer warriors of a family that they prayed into us so much, shaped us who to become who we are. That that influenced who we are because I absolutely believe that, um, the prayer is real. I talk to God every day. And the only time He doesn't talk to me is when I look away, when I engage into the lust of my flesh, lust, right? I was still a man. I'm 40, and I still battle that. It's a battle every day. And I believe it's so important that we talk about stuff.

So Elling, he's the, Martin also did too. He went to do, uh, BCIT for architectural engineering for two years, took nine courses every semester, and was just like, he locked himself in his room and he's like, "I'm doing this," and he did. Elling, Elling played hockey growing up. Um, and he, he was really good. So many injuries, he was just so surgeries and stuff like that that kind of took him out of that. But he ended up going to UBC, University of British Columbia, and Sauder School of Business, and graduated very high in his class. And he went on to work for JP Morgan Chase in Calgary. And he went to a private equity firm in New York after that. Met his, his now wife, Ivana. And, and she worked at Google. And anyway, they met. Elling then got some time off work. The had, and traveled across the country in a VW bus. That's what I want. He had a yellow one. It was so nice, with the roof that goes up. And uh, it's kind of funny, Stephen's looking for vehicles for us right now. We're looking at old minivans now. We're looking at other stuff too. But we're gonna have some sponsors, a sponsor with an RV is around the corner to to help us out in the very near future and to go to accomplish our vision.

So, um, yeah, so Elling, he, and then did that. And then he, he started his own, uh, business since after that. And now he's, he's doing. And then he had some issues with that. He actually had a very strong drug problem as well, um, battle like I had. But he learned the first time and he got out of it and whatnot. So, um, all of my siblings, though, and my whole family, um, except for my mom, battle with alcohol. And it's a very, very, very strong slippery slope. It's the most unregulated drug, um, and it's the most toxic one, most dangerous one, I should say. And it ruins a lot of lives. And I'm not, nothing wrong with the alcohol. Just like money, the Bible doesn't say money is evil. It says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil things. Um, and I really, I, I went to a point of of loving it, you know, uh, lying, cheating, and stealing. Not, I didn't go breaking it to stores or anything or breaking into houses, but I, some things I did that were pretty, uh, wrong, extremely wrong. And I'll get into that more in my business, business years when to talk about that. But uh, yeah, uh, but alcohol has been, uh, you know, there's there generational curses. You know, my parents had to, um, go through some challenges of their own. I'm going to leave some details out for for privacy reasons. Um, but, and things get passed on. The Bible says the generational curses will last four generations, but blessings will last 10. And so after all the curses, Iowa, not curses per se, well, just the challenges, um, the valley. Stephen told me the other day, he said, "In the valley is where things grow. And on the peak, a cool, it was beautiful." I've never heard it before. "In the peak, it's barren." So in the peak of life, when we have everything, we don't really, I, when I had everything, I didn't, I wasn't nearly focused on on God, right, or love. I was, on love, yes, but, and I've always felt that the heart of God, full of love, but I also felt this flesh of desire and lust and passion. And, um, and so I uh, I caved into that many time and time and time and time again. And looking back on deliverance, I know exactly when I let the devil in. And, anyway, so yeah, that's kind of my family. Elling, Ellen's the youngest. And he, I stereotypically, he had, kind of more of this spoon-fedness, but he also, in his earlier years, but he was also, he's he became very independent. So I don't want that to be an insult at all. So we're all, we're all very independent. And, um, and we're all, we've all done well. And, and I'm not, my, nothing that in that. So, um, so that was, I went to, we lived in Red Deer till I was seven. Um, kindergarten, I went to, I had to take kindergarten twice. I'm a November baby, so I took it the first time. I would have been four, I guess. I failed it. Probably wasn't, probably didn't, probably failed at time. I didn't, I kept talking, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What's this? I was full of questions. I remember my mom told me, I got a few memories of people told me. I remember when I was, I was always sitting on the can, going, doing my business, and clipping coupons out of the, out of the, out of the flyers, whatnot, to, to show my mom. My mom, "Hey Mom, this is on sale. Let's get this, this, this, and that." Never stopped, right? I've always been a deal finder. And finding value in things is a gift I like to think I have. And, um, no, I think I, another one I would have, I've sang at church three times in my life, um, when I was four, last summer, and then this last men's retreat I went to in Red Deer with, um, Capital City Church of Edmonton. What a beautiful family. There's two churches I go to now, that one and Summit Church in Red Deer. What a beautiful group of people, group of body of believers where everybody welcomes everybody, and you just feel held up and embraced. It's so awesome. Um, unlike experiences I have in the Reformed Church. I will speak lightly on that. Um, I personally think that the, that you know, the old Martin Luther Protestant Reformation needs to happen again, and there needs to be a new 95 theses nailed on the church of the Reformed Church door. So much religiosity and judgment and holier-than-thou on us. And um, a lack of of intentional love. Um, you know, G, lack of Matthew 15, verse 18, 18, verse 15 to 20, or if you got an issue with your brother or sister, approach them one-on-one. If that doesn't work, bring one or two witnesses. If that doesn't work, bring them to the congregation. If that doesn't work, well, shake dust off your feet and say goodbye to them. But the church at large goes backwards. Um, people, we live in a culture here, and I'm speaking more for Western, for the Western culture, American church. And there's a lot of, there's a lot of apostasy in it, a lot of false teaching. I don't need to, I, I used to point people out. I'm not, I've changed my ways. I'd rather not do that. But I would also like to say that a lot of people take that Bible out of context and add or subtract to it or or choose what to follow. And, uh, it's not, we're to follow, uh, all of it. You know, the parable of the lost sheep. Jesus went to, um, rescue that one sheep. And many people will say that He loves us, so it's a great translation of it. He loves us so much that He's going to go out and rescue us. That's absolutely true, and bring us back home. But a meaning I found out of is that He ain't fine with 99% of us. He wants per, of us, all of us. All, all of me, meaning enough. All of you is more than enough for all of me. I don't know where that came from. But uh, yeah, so oh, I know why, because I wrote a song called "All of Me." Um, and I'll read a few of my poems. I probably could pull that one up too. But that's actually the moment of my surrender. That's why it came to me. And I usually, I struggle to know my lyrics if I'm reading them or thinking them about without saying them or rhyming them. Uh, I'll save it for a little bit though, if I can find it in here. I might not be be able to. I know a bit of it. Um, this is one actually I will read, "Why Me?" I'm going to be reading a few of them. I've written over the last four years, probably 10,000 or more songs, slash poems, many, many, many with music to them. Um, I got one album I released in 2022, and that was uh, uh, I loved marijuana, I loved weed back then. And I, I released on my, on 4/20. I don't do drugs anymore. I think they're horrible for mental health reasons. I, I tried to justify that they're good for me, researching and reading all the wrong things that I wanted to believe to be true. But uh, again, I'm kind of fast-tracking. And this is the way I talk. I will go, I'll give glimpses of it, and then I'll bring it back. Um, I, yeah, so kindergarten failed, went twice. Um, my first memory of school was, my first real memory actually in life was seeing an African-American child in my grade one class. And just like, no, didn't know what the heck, you know, never seen it before. It's just whole funny now. I, you know, I never had a racist bone in my body. We all bleed red, red and yellow, black and white, they are all precious in His sight. Jesus loves little children of the world. And so, yeah, that was that.

And then grade two, I went, we moved then. My family, my Dad decided to uh, uh, pack up out of the, out of the, the blizzard of Alberta. We live in it. It gets cold here, pretty cold for some of this, for I don't know, five, six months, probably. And then, to move to the rainforest of British Columbia, in the Fraser Valley, of a city called Abbotsford. We moved to a place in Mount Lehman first, no, Mission first, sorry. Had a house there we rented for a little bit, and then we moved to Mount Lehman. Went to Mount Lehman Elementary for grade two. I remember Miss Colem, she was amazing. And my friend David, and just so much fun I had there. And then, um, lived on a small little, small little, uh, property, not small, but a property. I wasn't going to say acreage, but, um, take a break. I'm still making so much noise over there. Try off too. I was joking. Um, um, the bug people. So yeah, that was my. Then grade three, we moved to my dad's a home builder. And he's, uh, his lack of emotional awareness over the years was made up. And I realized this probably with the last six months only, that the way he showed love to us was by scraping the earth to to put food on the table. And he worked so hard through many, many, many persecuting times of business and, and uh, and whatnot. But, uh, he, uh, he truly loves every one of us with his whole heart. And there was so much of of late volatility. Didn't, I see, I don't, I, I don't think I ever called him an alcoholic in his life. I didn't want, I didn't want to do that. Um, but there was a lot of anger that I had built up through my experiences that I kept into myself, you know, sweeping under the rug. And as Jordan Peterson would say, invisible elephants in the room, well, they can take shape, and when they do, they stomp you and the ones around you. And so I definitely was guilty of a lot of that.

It was so beautiful how though yesterday, technically today for me, it's 5:45 in the morning. And so it's like, I don't know, three hours before bed for me, maybe four. I got my clock shifted. I'm a night, I'm an owl. I'm a human owl. I don't know. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I wrote a song called that a long time ago. And uh, my earlier years, my writing's gotten stronger and stronger over the years. Um, and uh, um, yeah, I'm surrounded by some with amazing people who are amazing writers as well. Everybody's a writer. You got a story to tell, you can write it out. And, you know, you can make anything rhyme if you're like, Eddie B, or make purple rhyme with pink, right? Bar, right? So that will shape it.

So yeah, I went to, we moved to to uh, from Mount Lehman to Abbotsford, where my dad, in the home that my dad built. And then we moved, I think a year or two after, same city, to Chilliwack. My dad built three, four homes in that Chilliwack. Amazing, amazing builder he was. Also a pilot. He built an airplane. My grandpa was a pilot. My grandpa got his pilot's license for 300, 250 bucks. My dad got his for 750. I think a basic one now is 75,000. So it's a bit of inflation world we live in, right? Welcome, we do, right? Um, we can go on, blame, blame, blame, but we could also say God's got a plan that's ahead of the enemy in infinite amounts of steps. And so I had an amazing time at AB Christian School. So many great friends who saw my, I don't keep in active contact with them over the last couple years. I have, though, with some of them, some of my dearest friends. If I named one, I got to name so many of them. And, and uh, there were so many of them who stuck by my side through my journey. I wrote a song, which is my first album, called "Real Friends." And "Real friends, the ones with us till the end. Real friends, the ones we can always count on. Real friends, on them I do depend. Yeah, I'd be lost without my real friends. They pick you up whenever you fall." Yeah, so I've got a lot of those, uh, uh, real friends. But my active circle of hanging out with people is is rather small. I like it that way. Um, and uh, but, uh, so many, so many friends across the country and the around the world, just from the connections I've made and the travels I've done. Um, social media is a great part of that. But, uh, but my circle of people hanging with around me too, is, uh, it's small in retrospect to what some people have. And, and yeah, so, uh, grade three, four, five, six, seven, elementary school, amazing time. All my teachers, I remember them, and I love them all. Miss K, Miss Colem, Sharon, she wants me to call her Sharon now. She's probably friends with everybody on Facebook from her, uh, all the kids that went there. Anyway, she's amazing, just a trooper, fought through a battle with MS and fighting through a story. And, uh, just, just a servant of the Lord Most High. And, uh, there's other teachers I'll never forget, like, um, that I mean, I know Miss Aus, Miss Bot, Mrs. Bot, um, Miss Alusma, Lord bless her soul, she's absolutely redeemed woman. And, uh, yeah, those was good elementary. Miss Humphry, so many teachers I could, that I wasn't planning on naming people, but I guess I did. Uh, my high school, grade 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Oh, Mr. Sorry, go back to grade seven. Mr. uh, Bor, Mr. uh, King. No, what was my grade seven teacher name again? Yeah, it'll come to me. That was a brain fart. I feel bad now. Um, I should remember this. Anyways, grade 8 to 12 was, um, I'm super musical now, but I dove into, and I was born into music. My, my whole dad's side of the family, like they, they were born into, they're a bunch of artists, autists. I'm an autist. I think I have some autism. I never felt, I fit into this cookie-cutter world where I find people living in boxes with windows that they can see through. I said, "No, I don't belong in boxes." And I've kicked the walls down of them many times, many, many times. And because we're made to live free, and with respect and love, and of course, things you have to learn through life, and some people have different ways they're raised. And, just like dogs, right? Their dogs are all pure and innocent. It's the owners, like pit bulls, for example, they're about a tender dog, a very protective dog, but they can be raised to be loving or aggressive. And, you know, just like children, the first two years of life, at infancy, I forget, it's the first year or two, basically, well, first two, you learn children learn two emotions, main emotions, they learn joy and disgust. They'll learn what they can and can't trust. And, that is so, they're little sponges, they absorb everything. And people, people, um, a lot of parents don't understand that, and they get mad at the kid for doing this and that, and don't get down to the level to understand them. So I love, I take child psychology, I take serious.

So yeah, uh, grade 8, when I started basketball, no, grade, what am I saying? That's when I, for grade five, six, seven, I played it. Grade seven, I wanted to go, I was like, "I'm going to the NBA." Grade eight, I'm like, "I'm going to the NBA." Grade nine, same thing. 10, same thing. 11, same thing. Um, grade 11 was my best year. As grade eight, I was number twen, 44. Grade nine, I was 22. Grade 10, I was 33. Grade 11, I was 11. And from that point forward, I kept that as my favorite number. All my books I write, they have 11 chapters. My music albums have 11 songs. And, uh, a secret song, yeah, it's a 12. My birthday's 11/12, November 12. And, yeah, so I, I just love sports. Grade 11, I, at Abby Christian School, Abundant Christian School, I was Athlete of the Year. That was an awesome achievement. It was just such like a, you know, just an affirming thing. And I beat all the grade 12 boys. I'm like, "What?" Felt so cool. Got called up in Chapel and the Athlete of the Year, Stefan Doan. And yeah, so, um, yeah, amazing. I hope I can get through the whole, I don't know if I will because I'm kind of taking a little more time going through it. So I might not get into the later years of life with this based on like an hour and seven minutes left before I have an appointment. But we'll see. There might be part two of this. Um, I'm just going to tell the story. I don't want to rush it. And, uh, yeah, so and I'll tell, I got to tell a different version of the story as well about more of a bio. And I was going to do that today, but I just decided I'm going to tell my story. And, and use the time I have to speak it diligently. I, uh, feel the presence of God guiding me now. And I started off a little, you know, what do I talk about? I got told my story many times. And, you know, but to tell it, my whole story would take a very, very, very, very long time. There's a lot of things in there for anybody, really, you know? So, um, I'm just going to go at the pace I go at here. And, uh, we'll have a 10 parts, 11 part series. No, I'm kidding. Try to do in a couple. I think that's how it's going to go. So, um, that takes the pressure off me from rushing into this. And that, so, and we'll see if my buddy Rex comes on. I think that'd be amazing if he does. See, can message me. Anyways, he said he had 45 minutes. My with buddy. Um, hey buddy, message in there. So, um, yeah, so, uh, then it was awesome. I was also, so first half of the grade 11 year, I, I was like, mid-3 GPA, 3.5 or something like that. Did pretty good. And then the second half, uh, I got 4.0 and Athlete of the Year. And it was like going places. It felt good. My brain worked really well. And before that too, I had a lot of, I struggled with, um, intaking the information, reading books, I struggled with it. I had a lot of learning struggles. And it really, Rex is just about done. So that's awesome. Yeah, man, this guy's awesome. I was supernaturally led to him. And uh, yeah, so, um, so yeah, it was, uh, it was amazing. It just felt so good. And, uh, my friend life was good. You know, it was kind of a jock, right? And, probably had a girlfriend. I did have a girlfriend back then. Probably dated, started dating around that time. And, and whatnot. So lots of breakups. But, I broke lots of hearts. Hearts broke me too. But, uh, you know, it hurts when your heart breaks. It really does. I've had it many times broken. It's, you know, I didn't, now looking back at the ones I broke, I'm like, "Why did I do that? Why did I do it that way?" Kind of thing, right? Not, not well. Shouldn't say that. But one time for in particular, other times too, when I was younger. So, um, I, uh, um, yeah, then grade 12 came along, and it started off good. And then I got in gym class. My, my friend Curtis, he's a buddy of mine. He's awesome. I haven't talked to him in a while, but for day, it'd be like yesterday. And he was, we were playing soccer in class. And I had a pretty much breakaway. My guy, just got to get around Curtis and go around. And he did take the flying knee. He didn't mean to hurt me. But here's my, here's my femur, and right into there. So I got a hematoma. And I've had other many injuries, injuries in my life, more in my later years. Um, and broke my neck twice. First time snowboarding, second time being apprehended under the mental health act, um, in in my parents' house by a very aggressive cop who I could say something else, but I'm, it chooses to not. I forgive him. That's all. Um, and, and whatnot. So I, uh, yeah, and, uh, many things I went through a lot of struggles in that. And prior to that, even in throughout my school, with the, you know, I never, I was never special classes or anything, but I struggled to, I had to really try, really, really try. Grade 11, I didn't even feel like I had to try. Things just came fluidly. So it's like God gave me a glimpse of what life can feel like. And I feel that now. Um, uh, music has really shaped me. There's a book I read a little bit about Stephen and I actually started the audible version of it for three minutes and then we conversation took over. Probably probably started by me. He's got more patience to probably sit and listen to the whole thing. But my rat brain's go, "Nope, let's talk." But, uh, "This Is Your Brain on Music." And one thing I remember in that is, uh, the three ways, well, he said, yeah, the three most prominent ways that your brain is, uh, stimulated and grows. Number three is by listening to music. Number, so when you're listening to music, your brain is, is being stimulated in ways like, think about, you know, a song you heard 10, 20 years ago. And, and you know, if you try to remember the words, like, no, no way. But you hear the first drum or first.

Couple beats, you're like, "I know the whole song, right?" It's just how that music just... right. God uses music that way, but the enemy does too, right? Different frequencies and whatnot. And music is, you know, Lucifer was God's most beautiful creation when he was the head Archangel. And, um, he was, he was director, was in charge of worship in heaven before the Great War of Heaven started. He started before he, he pridefully thought he could be better than God and stirred up the angels and got booted out. And, uh, and they, uh, yeah, so turned into Fallen Angels, AKA demons. It's a very real world. I'm text rest back here. That good brother. Um, anyway, so grade 12, yeah, that. So prior to that, I, yeah, it was hard. I got, you know, I did okay, probably 65 to 75, some 80s, I'm sure. But, uh, in, in, in grade 8 to 12, um, you know, I always got like 95 or 100 in gym class. Maybe not 100, but really good. Um, some classes I did pretty good in. Bible class too. Math, I was always pretty very good. I remember actually grade seven, I only remember getting second place once in, uh, I could be wrong, but that's my memory, in Mad Minutes. You get like 60 seconds to answer 60 questions. Like, what's 4 * 12? 48. What's all this? Like, boom, just quick. So, and a quick thinker, right? And, um, yeah, so I've, I've, uh, and but those thoughts got uncontrolled. So many thoughts. And over the years, there was some diagnoses, diagnosis, sorry, that, uh, that, uh, have, I guess I'll say, a little bit of a glimpse of it. But the bipolar over for the last four or some years, and, and I can, it was all drug-induced. And not just the drugs I took, the pharmaceutical ones that were irrationally, uh, uh, pressed in, not induced into me. I never had a choice. And that caused, that was the, the strongest cause of my, um, er, radical behavior at the times. Um, but also poor lifestyle choices. So, and whatnot. But I'll get more into that later. Um, just to kind of a glimpse of that. But, um, I got some major, uh, not issues, but constructive feedback that the Canadian mental health system, and probably worldwide mental health system, could, could grow from. And not just me, but a team of people that, um, uh, that I, other writers, and, and other people that will be able to largely contribute to as well. I'm writing a book called, I've written 13 books over the last, um, manuscripts, not all complete, but mostly over the last four years. Um, my first one is called, "The Best Is Never Planned." Um, I wrote that five times, and I started the sixth one. It's actually here. And then I, and then I started writing another. And every book I wrote, started writing as a journal entry or for maybe form of writing of something, right? Message someone, I'm like, "Oh my goodness, writing a book. Got to do that." And, "The Best Is Never Planned." Right? We can plan all we want. You know, I can plan to go to the NBA when I'm grade seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. And, uh, go, thank God I didn't. Sure be that'd be cool. Um, but God had other plans. God, uh, you know, my life verse that my mom planted into me from a very young age. And, you know, the Bibles I've had, she's written in them, I think two of them, my high school Bible, maybe when I was a kid too. But also the last one, I lost so many Bibles. Um, the Bible are the words of God. And, uh, and everything I say is my opinion. Uh, you can take it as you like. I mean no judgment to anyone. You're all welcome. Everybody's welcome. With you, Hindu, Jew, Sikh, Muslim, red, black, or blue, whatever you are. I'm a Christian. I love Jesus. And, uh, I just, I just want to have a community of love and respect. And I'll definitely stand behind what I believe in, but I won't preach. And, uh, I think one of the worst things somebody can do is say, "Repent or you go to hell." You always cause that judgment. And, um, there's so much judgment in our, uh, Christian, in our Christian world that, uh, needs to be incinerated. Not the people, but the judgment that, uh, darkness that that behind it. That we need to, you know, in the darkest place, you go and turn the light on. That light shines will kill the darkness, will eat it. In the deepest darkness is where the brightest light is found. I'll probably say that later and elaborate on it.

So grade 12, had the hematoma. Um, I had a breakup that broke my heart. Um, I got depressed. I started getting really feelings of just struggling. And looking back in grade 12, I was already battling some clinical depression. It wasn't until after high school. I went to, uh, I forget the exact time, but I was, yeah, I'm pretty sure I was when I was going to, I went to UFV, now known as UFV, University College of the Fraser Valley, no, University of the Fraser Valley. And I was for, for general studies, just taking math and English and whatever. Had to upgrade my math and my English because grade 12, I got like six, didn't get high enough, didn't do good enough. And those two months I was in university. And I'll go back to more to high school stuff. I don't really need to. That was kind of, I, I graduated. It was awesome. I remember that was, it's a great time. Um, and yeah, those struggles. And then actually after, before university, I go to that, another big struggle was, we were, we did some, the other time I did chicken catching with my friends. And, uh, the last time I did it, my, uh, my friend Steve, shed, my high school buddy, he was a dear friend of mine, just, just a guy who got me. He was the only guy in Science 10 who had bigger lung capacity than me, more lung strength, not by much. But I got, you know, I love going to swim underwater back and forth and see how long I can go, right? And, uh, doing some, a lot of breathing exercises like this one, actually. So breathing, hyperventilating in and out, getting our oxygen, get our blood oxygenated is very important. But, uh, some doing some Wim Hoff style breathing. But, um, and the hot water, cold water is great too. I'm, I'm a wimp right now, but when I do it, I get, I get tough and, and whatnot. So, but having the, um, it's called, I call it Spike Breathing. So I go, and he, I learned this from R at the Red Deer Hospital at Unit 36, the most amazing nurse I've ever had. Uh, he's just awesome. But he taught me, and I do it now actively. And I can, you can cause anxiety to go away, you can cause unrest to become rest. Um, getting our oxygen, getting our blood. So our lungs, if you open them up like a book, he taught me, they're about the size of a serving platter. Whether that's one lung or two, I don't know. Mine probably one, most people two, kidding. I don't know. And, um, but if you, our lungs are full of sacs, sacs. And if you open them up, if you, um, open them up, sorry, if you, uh, if you pop them, open them up, activate them, I guess, um, they actually become the size of about a tennis court. So you do it like this. So I'll do that 10, 20 times. And you just breathe in as deep as, as deep as you can, and then let it out. But breathe in and let it out. And then also getting that, just sucking air in, in with the good, out with the bad, right? You know, just like when you go through life, taking in the good, reflect on it, enjoy it. You know, 99% of what I know through life, for business, and my faith, and whatnot, mental health, everything, things I know, the stories I can tell now, my music that's written, music I write, is all 99% is from my bad times, hard times in life. The 1%, you know, when I had that, that peak, the, the barren peak of which is, you know, materialism, uh, when, when life is good, you know, you're on holidays, and you know, you're not, you can leave your phone in the hotel, you don't know what to think about life. And then when you get dwell, when you get back, and I got to answer all these, and then it shrinks again, right? Rats and cheese, rats and cages, chasing toxic cheese. It talks of cheese meaning money. So, um, yeah, so Steve died, and that really, really hurt. Really, really hurt. It was so hard losing a friend. And then, and then university came along. And actually, Steve, uh, he, they kept him on life support for a week for long organ preservation. And I saw him in the hospital. And, uh, in, I believe New Westminster. And, uh, it was, it was hard. But he looked like him. And then his funeral, they, the makeup scared me. That was, I was tormented by that. Nothing scared me. I just have the devil sitting beside me, and he could get say, "Hey, shake his hand and say, 'I know you lost that Jesus Christ.'" Yeah. You know, Genesis, say that, uh, when I, God was talking to Eve and the serpent, he said, talking about their seeds, he said, "Her seed," basically, you know, a lot of people tell the Bible word for word, what not. I, I do that too with some stuff, right? But basically said to the, to Eve, he's like, you know, your, your future seed is going to come along, offspring, right? One, and his seed is going to come along, and your seed is going to crush the seed, the, crush the head of his seed, basically. Crush the head. It says, I believe it says that he will crush the, he will bruise the heel. The devil will bruise the heel, but God will bruise the head. Anyway, so Jesus came along and did that. When he hung, he said, he went, I think second Peter says he went to Hades, hell, basically, to preach to the, to the dead, which I believe are the ones pre-flood. Um, and I'm not here to preach. I'm here, you know, Bible comes up when it talks. So when it does, I, I go with it. And, uh, just kind of fly by the seat of my pants and roll with the punches. And, uh, and whatnot. So, um, and, uh, and I live life with a plan and the strategy and the structure now, as much as I can, with the acknowledgement that the best is never planned. So I essentially live life one atom at a time, one atom at a time. And, uh, yeah, Matthew 6:34 says, "Do not worry about tomorrow." Basically, tomorrow, for let tomorrow doesn't have to worry about itself. Focus on today. And, you know, live in the present, kind of thing, right? I used to dream in the future. I've always dreamed in the future. But I used to try to live out there. And, uh, and, you know, maybe I'd have more memories of the past if I, if I focused on those moments and, and really relished them. Our, our blood cells don't forget anything. Our bodies remember our whole, our whole time. Uh, everything. You know, I think my naturopath, Floyd, at Joy in Health and Nutrition in Red Deer, he told me that our blood cells, or red blood cells, have a lifespan of, um, uh, three months, give or take. And they have little baby ones. Well, and then the new ones are, um, uh, I don't know, born. Kidding. I don't know. And, uh, and they, they basically, the new, all the DNA, all, you know, the story of our body, of the, um, what was that, the lamin you said, right? Is that what it's called? That shape of the cross, you know, our DNA. Yeah, it's a really cool thing. Um, I looked into that before and that reminded me of it. But our bodies don't forget. Our bodies, our bodies know our story. They remember every sense, sight, hear, sound, smell, taste that we encounter. Our brains don't, because we let school. I just looked in it, 5:55, and been on here, and I got 51 minutes until my meeting. So I decided I'm not going to tell my whole story. I'm just doing in phases. I don't know if you heard that before, but I'm only in, uh, just after grade 12. And, um, have a sip on my McDonald's coffee, tea, pepper, and tea. And, uh, my mama gave me this hat today. Ain't a C. I'm not a. It's funny. My, my naturopath, he, uh, tried, he tried to turn me into a, into a cowboy, partially. And I said, "We got," he's got pictures of me with cowboy hats, like, like George Strait, Garth Brooks cowboy hats. And, uh, I love those guys, by the way. But, and I used to be more of a country singer than I am now. I actually do a lot of, some rap now. I want to be diverse. I want to do everything with music, right? I don't want to be constricted to one thing. But definitely have a country, rock, soul, some folk, indie, gospel, and, uh, some hip-hop now. With a reg ofers, where, where is he? Where my brother? He'll come on here. And, uh, anyways, um, yeah, so that was hard. There was very hard going through the loss, going through clinical depression, going through, this is all in a short period of time. And Steve died in cars, and it was very tragic. The night of, we went chicken catching, and it just, just hurt. It destroyed me. And then, uh, there were other deaths along there that were so hard, and whatnot. But, uh, yeah, so going through all those struggles at once, um, um, and, and some challenges at home, right? Um, uh, and me not really at that time talking about it. We, I was not raised. We were my generation. I don't know if it's generational for me, not, not as much as the Boomers, um, of lack of emotional awareness. There's definitely a lot less than now. And there's definitely not enough now. There's way too much stigma. People are afraid to talk about their things. And, uh, the reason I write about mental health, I wrote a book called "Bye Bye Bipolar." I have a podcast called that too. And theme song. I hope I don't get sued by *NSYNC. Anyways, um, but, uh, I tell this when I tell my story is, I probably hear some of it. I'll tell it off, and I'll go bring back whatever. But so university was hard. Two months of literally anxiety from hell, like social anxiety. And, yeah, in school, I was afraid to talk in front of the class. I go sing in front of planet Earth now. I don't care. Hey, citizens of Earth, right? Let's love one another. Let's love God. Let's love thy neighbor. I wouldn't do that. I'd be cooler than that. Way cooler. Um, I had to learn to be me and find myself. I still take antidepressants. I still take the same one I took when I was diagnosed with it at 18. And that, it was when my mom took me to my, the late Dr. Jurgens. And I was three pills. With the third one, works. A lot of people have a much harder trial and error period than I did. I was on Paxil at first, and then Celexa for a month or so, a month or so. And then Escitalopram, Lexapro, 20 milligrams. I'm on that dose today, 22 years later. And, um, yeah, my mom, you know, she took me in. And it was, uh, it was so hard. She's, I've been depressed so many times, and she's always been there for me. And my dad too. He's, he's been, he's been there. Uh, he's really started to open up more about his own mental health over the last, um, year or two. And, uh, it's, it's hard when you don't, not raising. Excuse me, what? Um, and so, yeah, university, that happened. Was two months. And then after that, I dropped out. I said, "I couldn't handle it." All these people around me are just like, and I'm just like, "What's going on? I hate this. I hate my life right now." Anxiety sucks, you know about that, eh? Anxiety. Oh, yeah. It's fun, isn't it? Depression, you know about that one, don't you as well? Yeah. Feel also know what joy and hope feels like, right? And, uh, and, uh, that's what life's about. When we're, uh, yeah. So I like to say happiness is a choice. Um, but it's really hard to be happy when you're depressed. So there's, it's very hard, right? And you cannot buy happiness. You can go buy a burger to make you happy for a few minutes, and it's gone. You're like, "Oh, right." Buy a new vehicle, and you're happy for, I know, different for everybody. For, you know, that new vehicle feeling lasts, then it's gone. Um, new phone, W, yeah, right? New this, new that. Um, new salvation. That's joy. Being born again. Song called "Baptism by," I think Randy Travis wrote it originally. Kenny Chesney singing too. "Down with the old man, up with the new. Raised to walk in the ways of light and truth. I didn't see no angels, just a few saints on the shore. But I feel like a newborn baby, cradled up in the arms of the Lord." Yeah. So, down with the old man, up with the new. I got baptized when I was an infant by my grandpa, kind of. I've called that infant dedication, child dedication. And, you know, uh, to each their own on that. But I do value baptism biblically, which every single baptism in the Bible was by submersion. Um, submersion, immersion, submersion. Uh, and, uh, and so I decided, uh, well, get that was 2020, I believe, or 2019. I forget. Mix them up. I find out. But, um, anyways, I decided to get re-baptized. But I'll get to that again. And then I, uh, I'm actually considering doing it again for the third time because I don't think I was truly justified until 2023, February 1st, moment of surrender. But again, we'll get into that. So, uh, 2003, I graduated high school. So shortly out, the next June or whatever, July, what school, whenever school starts, is that when it ends? September, August, that's when it starts. Um, I went to the university. And then after that, dropped out. And then I went to, to, um, uh, mixing up things in my head. Did I go work for? Yeah, I did. I went to work for a boat, building a, they were building a yacht, like a couple, few million dollar yacht. And I did this thing called fairing on the, on the, on the metal frame and the steel hull. And, uh, spreading the stuff. That was the only allergy I have in my life, by the way. It's two-part, two-part resin. I went, I did my garage floor. I did polyaspartic two-part. And I just flared up. It was horrible. But no, no allergies other than that. My physical health, I've been blessed. Injuries have hurt. It's just pain. Um, and so did that for, I don't know, eight, nine, probably six months, eight months, ten. I don't know. Feel like Bing's. [Music] Harmonica. I love it. I love music. Sound, just how it, it makes me feel. [Music] Can you grab my guitar? Joking. Where stuff is packed in here. And, uh, yeah, so did that. And then I, after that, I went to, uh, YWAM, Youth With A Mission. I was 19, turned 20 there. So, um, and that was, I did my, I went with my friend, my best friend from grade three to 12. And had lots of best friends, but Fred and I, we go way back to to grade three. And we went to, you know, from sports together, and basketball team together, all the whole time, to partying together in school. And his old Dodge Dakota, that deot burnout in Saddle Park. And I got to see that picture again. I needed a copy of that. You know, just that smoke coming off there. To going to YWAM together. Fred went a year before that. He did his Discipleship Training School in, right after high school, right after school. He grew up way, right away. He grew up fast. And learned from his mistakes at that early age. I didn't. Um, you know, I lived in all those soils. There's the, uh, the soil of, uh, uh, Jesus talks about the, the parable of the sower, the seeds. And he went and scattered seeds. Uh, and some of them landed on rocky path, and they got eaten up by the birds. Some landed on the, on the wayward, the road, they got trampled on. And some landed in with the thorns, and they got eaten up, twisted with the vines, with the, with the weeds. Um, and I can elaborate what they mean, but essentially, their faith, came to Christ, and their faith, or they had an awakening in their faith, and they just had so hot. And then all of a sudden, well, let's go. You know, the enemy gets a hold of us, and he can't make us do anything. He can, he's just a very good fisherman, and he baits a really well-baited hook. And so, um, he took, uh, he bit a lot of hooks for me, and I bit a lot of hooks, a lot of holes in my lips. And, uh, yeah, so, and, uh, a lot of temptation that just comes in the way. And, uh, like I said, with lust, I still struggle. You know, that desire. That we, I think it's man's biggest battle. I think it's also the least, the thing they talk about. We as men talk about least. I can't speak for women, but some, I have talked to many, I agree with it for them too. And so it's time we open up and talk about our things. It's time we shake the, that, take that mask off and say, uh, "I, we all pee, we all poo, right? We all, I'm just trying to say like, let's, I don't know why, you know what I mean? I think by that, let's just, we don't need to talk about that all the time, but just, you know, and trying to make things awkward right now to say that it's important to know that we are all human. We all, we all bleed red. We all, you know, when you go to the doctor for a heart attack or heart issue or broken leg, there's no stigma attached to it. You're not afraid of going there because you're going to the doctor and you like, they're going to make me better. But when you have a brain injury, and emotional, uh, emotional injury, which, um, can or can't be clinical, right? It could be a situational thing that you can process largely with, um, um, psychotherapy, psychologists, word talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, which is replacing those bad thoughts with good ones. Dialectical behavioral therapy. There's lots of things you can do. Changing your lifestyle, styles, um, you know, getting rid of old habits. Um, even some of the best Christians I know have bad habits. My mama, she got bad habits. But she's, I don't mean insult to that, in a relationship with me and, and the misunderstanding, whatnot. So, you know, I've been, uh, misunderstood. [Music] Misunderstood. She's been the one in my whole family over my last journey to be the most diligent to try to understand me. And, uh, and she's always, always shown me love. Um, and, uh, you know, the four basic needs humans have are to be heard, to be understood, to be validated, and to be loved. Now, you don't become understood if you're not heard. You don't become validated if you're not understood. You don't become understood if you're not heard. You don't become validated if you're not understood. And you don't become, uh, loved, right? Loved, I believe, is a buildup of all those. Is is the last level of the, then we got to stay there. That's so important. The love the Father has for us, and God, and Jesus, the Holy Spirit, three in one, Trinity. And I've heard it explained, you know, it's three and one, one and three, equal value, different roles. There's so many ways of saying it. But my friend Michael at the Dream Center in Red Deer said a beautiful thing. He said, "Think about water, two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen." You know, if you take any of those elements away, you ain't got water. So they're all in there together. You O2, the oxygen, maybe that's the spirit, metaphorically. Well, God is everything, right? Everywhere. Everything good. Um, God created all good, I should say. He is everywhere. He's omnipresent. He's omniscient. He's omnipotent. He's always everywhere. He knows all things, and knows has all power. And so, uh, just the meaning of those words. And, uh, yeah, so kind of little preachy there. But I always said, I'm never going to be a preacher. But I don't know if I have a choice. I do tell people though, if you feel like I'm preaching at you, please punch me in the face. Um, and yeah, so I will not compromise myself. As I was saying, Patrick trying to turn me into a cowboy. And he's got some pictures of me. And I said, I talked to him the other day. I said, "I put the cowboy hat on and boots." I love my boots. I got good boots, right? But I said, "You can use my, my wedding." And I'm going to be getting married again in the future. I'll also be judged for that. You know, I was through my adulterer, uh, four years, three and a half, four, four years ago, nearly. And, uh, a terrible, terrible thing I did. I've spoken up at lots. And when this, I've turned over all the stones in my life. Main ones. There are any other stones I haven't turned over, they're easy, one little pebbles, right? But the big ones have been rolled over. There's nothing in this world that I've done that anybody could say, "Well, you did this, you did that." But I haven't already said about myself. So I'm in a place of acceptance that, you know, I will look back if I need to, to reflect more. But when, Lot and his wife, and I think their kids were escaping Sodom and Gomorrah before they blew up with fire and brimstone. And on that note, actually, go to YouTube and look up Ron Wyatt, W-Y-A-T-T. He is his some discoveries of his discoveries of Ron Wyatt. I'll leave at that. And Sodom and Gomorrah was one. Noah's Ark, another one. Red Sea Crossing, Mount Sinai, Ark of the Covenant, Jesus' crucifixion location. I think that's all of them. It's very, uh, captivating. And anybody who watches this, I don't know how you wouldn't believe the Bible. And, uh, I was telling, saying earlier, so the Bible are the words of God. They, I do believe they are the canon, the document that we have left. There are some good ones and some heretical ones, but the most of them, there, the word for word, thought for thought. And the ones that, uh, different kind of a spectrum, left to right of the Bible. And, uh, and that are good, they're all, you know, from, I feel, think it's a literacy one. And then what was the one NASB is the one you read, which is more of word for word. I like ESV. On that note, New King James, there, word for word. Uh, I did read New NLT, New Living Translation, which is on the right, thought for thought. And, uh, there's another category in the middle, I forget what it's called. Uh, it'll come to me maybe. And, uh, and, uh, and yeah, so the, and then the Message would be on the far right, which is more of a paraphrase version. I believe the man who wrote it, wrote it for his kids so they'd understand it. So, and then there's some heretical ones. And, uh, and there's a really, really apostatic one. Apostasy. What's apostatic? Plastic? I've never known that word. I've said a few times. What is the, what is the tense of that? So anyways, um, where they text. I believe this Bible was written in a foreign country. I'm not going to say names of the country. And it got infiltrated into the US and Canada, everywhere, I'm sure. But I've only heard from people. I haven't validated it myself, looking it up and researching it. But or they take, for example, one of the stories with the woman, the adulterous woman, where they'd go, and Jesus says to the, the Pharisees brought adultery. And he said, Jesus, this woman did this. And the law of Moses says she should be stoned to death. And he says to her, says to them, "He who is without sin, may cast the first stone." And he, he basically put scripture back in the face. And, uh, uh, he, you know, he used the executed the word of God. I, I can't forget if that one is from old, from the Old Testament, maybe. But he was putting their knowledge, uh, yeah, their twisted knowledge of, you know, he is the Messiah. He is the Savior, Son of God. He knows that. And given a lot of evidence up to this point, and miracles, and whatnot, demonic rebuke. That was the third of his ministry. "He who is without sin, cast." They cast the first stone. And they dropped him. The oldest, the youngest, or the youngest, oldest, one of the two. I'm going to say youngest, oldest. And, uh, they dropped him. And then Jesus said to the woman, dropped it before that, he actually drew a line, drew a line in the sand. And I, people wonder what it was. They said, "The Ten Commandments," this or that. I don't know. I think about it too. Uh, I think about a lot of things when I study the Bible. Like, like to go down to the "ad." What does it mean? What was John trying to mean when he wrote John and the other, his other accounts, and Revelation? What was the author trying to write? And whatnot. So that's the ultimate, this I find in this world of theologians. There's man-woman interpreting man, right? And, uh, people, you know, "means this, means this, is this right?" When, when the church was founded, the devil's footprints were already in there. You know, and for Peter, you know, Peter denied Jesus three times. He looked away from him and gave him to the fear of the wind and the waves. He saw the wind and waves, scared, right? He's going to see Jesus. If I saw Jesus on water, I don't care what's in front of me. I'm going to great white sharks. I'm going through them, right? And hope I didn't prophesy. Speak that into my. Kidding. I don't know. Whatever. And, uh, yeah, so God did not give a spirit of fear, but of love and a sound mind. But Peter already having that un, not unbelief, but unbelief to a point. Now, he believed in Jesus, but unbelief of by letting fear in. Way, the opposite of love is actually fear. Hate. Hate is stemmed out of fear. And, uh, got 32 minutes left before meeting. So I'll probably get to just before, yeah, do a little business stuff. Talk. I might, I might wrap it up before that actually. And at a point that, yeah, we'll see. I'll wrap it up at a relevant point. Start, remember where to take off again and land this plane. Take her off again. Um, so, yeah, I guess I'm doing more, more, more Bible talk than I had planned. But that's just what happened. Is when you, one of the best is in ever landed, right? I'm not saying this is the best. This is my story. So, yeah, that Bible, they were just come in, took that, that story, that, that historical story, that the woman, the adulteress, and basically said the same thing. They dropped their stones. Youngest, oldest. It was youngest, oldest. I got to look that up. Need to know. I'm a need to know guy. Uh, the fair, it wasn't, not the woman of the world, 'cause that was the, that was the Samaritan woman, and he was, she was wondering. But the woman who, the adulteress, and the Pharisees and Jesus. Go and sin no more. Stoned. That, that story. Vaping nicotine, as bad as the ingredients are in here for you. Nicotine itself, probably not. The nicotine they use is healthy for you, believe it or not. Don't matter to me if you do or don't. It's disputable. Paul says, "Don't argue with them." But so let's not argue, let's just talk about it. Um, not the tar, the formaldehyde, the hide, the stuff. And say, I smoke cigarettes too, once in a while. Um, got some in my suitcase, but it's buried. H, I'd glad they have one on camera. I don't care. I'm nothing to hide. I'm just a guy. And, uh, but the nicotine is some potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers. And it's, uh, not addictive. As well. It's the other stuff that is addictive that they do to us that they put in there. So, plan, obsessions. Are you talking about when the woman was, uh, being accused and all the Pharisees are around? Yeah. Uh, what version? NIV. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the oldest, oldest, the youngest, until only Jesus was left. Wrong with the woman still standing there. What does that mean? Just the, then the, uh, the, the oldest probably understood. Yeah. And we all have sinned it. And they were all pretty hierarchical. They was in respect of, we should, we are to respect our elders, right? Honor your father and mother, right? And whatnot. So they took that B, that verse. And there's the whole story. Is the same. That story, not the verse. But the end of it was that that Jesus actually stoned her, is what they said. Trying to turn him into the villain. And, uh, villainizing that the Lord and Savior of humanity for those who choose to believe. Said, "Who, where, where are your condemners?" "None of them were there." "So neither do I. Neither do I condemn you." Yeah. Where did they go? Exactly. And, uh, if people actually truly understood who Jesus is, the, the word, the words of read, and the words the apostles talk of them, and the prophecies leading up to. And there were over, over 300. There's over 2,000 prophecies in the Bible. And Jesus fulfilled over 300 of them. And they, I heard somebody say that that's equivalent of taking the probability of that is the equivalent to taking the land of Texas, covering it two feet of quarters. And so give me one chance to find one quarter that they hide. Kind of unfathomable, right? And, uh, uh, and prophecies are still being fulfilled today. I love Bible prophecy. I love eschatology. That's the study of end times. And I used to dig deep, deep, deep into it to the point where I developed a state of fear, spirit of fear. I wrote a song called, "I'll Keep You Safe." It, what not. So God didn't give us a spirit of fear. Remember when I told you that verse? And you, we really spoke to you for God did not give us. Well, you know the verse. But when it, when you heard it again, because if you lived in a state of fear, uh, your story is your story to tell. I'm not going to go into anything, but, uh, fear and anxiety. Yeah, fear, anxiety. And, uh, fear is a liar, is Zach Williams says. And it really is. Um, you know, spiritual and emotional, mental health is so intertwined. There are elements of mental health that are separate from spiritual health in my understanding. But if you neglect your spiritual health, uh, in my opinion, in the wrong ways, even following, uh, spiritual health, there's other religions of the world are beautiful. Sikh, Hindus, it's not Sikh, by the way, it's Sikh. Hindus, Muslims. Some of the best religious conversations I've had were with, uh, Muslims. And, uh, I personally am not a religious person. I believe that religion, uh, is a set of rules. I like to say religion is the devil's, the devil's version of faith. I'm a man of faith. Um, I like to say I walk on water, we move mountains at the seed, little tiny mustard-sized faith. But, uh, just that, that seed, that seed can grow into a tree, and it can grow roots, and that tree will bear fruit. Mustard fruit. You ever read that? Me neither. Um, and so, yeah, so there's a lot of false teachings. And that's kind of where this all stemmed off of that are in the Bible. And a lot of people, a lot of the biggest churches in America are, are being led very poorly. The set, third last verse of the Bible, I believe it's Revelation 22:19, written by John, his Revelation, with Jesus taken out the body. Um, and I think he says, "Whether in the body or out of the body, I don't know." Was that that one? Or was that when he saw the, yeah? And, uh, and you've had other body experiences. I've had crazy experiences. We'll get into many more stories another time. But there will be stories for the rest of her life. Our team, and people are going to have crazy stories. And I actually want to encourage everybody else to tell their story. It's so important. I've only told bits from birth. And I could have filled in a lot more until about, uh, why W. Let me finish where I was. So, um, but I'll wrap up on that. Um, discernment is so important. And discernment, there's a lot of Christians in the Western world, um, who don't live in the valley. They live kind of midway on the mountain or up on the mountain. And when we have, when life is good for me, and life is good, I'm not focusing on on what I can change about myself. Why would I change anything if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? It's kind of mentality of, you know, I got the American dream. I got this big house. I got these, these cars. I got these animals. I got these, all this stuff, right? I got a couple million bucks in the bank. I know I'm a very wealthy man, but my wallet's really thin. Right? Mammon. You can serve God or Mammon, right? Verses that turned my life around, were that one. Jesus saying, "You cannot serve two masters. You can either serve, choose to serve God or Mammon." Meaning wealth, money. Money is the ultimate, ultimate, ultimate test. I believe money was created to cause division. And God, God, God allows things. He allowed things to come into existence. He allowed the judges to come in and say, "Okay, well, you guys, you need someone. We'll give you judges." That didn't work. Say, "Okay, you want somebody? H, give you kings. We'll give you kings. Give you prophets." Well, prophets were, they were amazing, but the kings to rule the land, right? And, you know, the land of Israel was, was the north kingdom was run horribly. Judah, the southern kingdom was run a lot better. There's some good kings in there. And, um, I want to even refresh my, I want to do Bible study in the prophets and the Kings. And, uh, we do lots of studies. We do group Bible studies. And we're going to have open studies too on on our channels where, uh, people can come and watch. We'll stream them. And we are not going to do surface-level stuff. What I problem I have with the reformed world, um, you know, I believe that the pro, pro, Protestant. I, I'm technically, I'm a, there's over 40,000 denominations in the world. And when Peter, like I said, the devil got his footprints into the church early on. Now, we did one to 40,000, right? Many of them cults. Right? The definition of a cult, a biblical cult, is any or religious organization that uses the Bible as the religious doctrine and other adds or subtracts to it. So that verse, end the, in the Bible, Revelation, I think it's 22:19, is John says, and I don't, I don't take this as he's talking about Revelation. I take this for literal for the whole thing. If anyone adds or subtracts this prophecy, these words, then that, that punishment will be added to him or her, right? So we, we, a reward taken away. We don't, we cannot change the word of God. But those words, the Bible, I've studied them my whole life. I haven't always acted upon them. There's been times when I was in that good, almost in the good soil, and I thought it was. And then, boom, birds came and ate my seed up. And what the heck? Or the weeds came and twisted up and distracted me with the, whatever else. Or the, like, got crushed. Paul says, "We get persecuted, but not pressed, but not crushed. Persecuted, but not destroyed. And something, but not abandoned." And, uh, man, that guy has a crazy story. What an amazing, amazing, amazing man of faith. You know, more faith than Jonah, who said, "I'm not going to go there." And then, "I'm," you know, "I'll go to Nineveh." Why would we, we not go to Nineveh when love will drown out the darkness in the end? Love wins. So, um, that's it. I'll finish. I'll tell a little bit about YWAM. I'm and then I'll leave it at that. And I'll take over when I come back when I was, uh, 20, 21, when my oil rig days started. But I'll do a couple poems first. Looks like Rex. What did he say? Is that him? I'm done, bro. Still alive. Let's bring, bring Rex on for a little bit. Come on, Rex. Rexy, buddy. It's Rexy to be here for the poem part. I'll send a, uh, um, see Rex. Come on. Come on, Rex. I got one thumbs up, by the way. And I had one person watching. It was also like 4 in the morning or whatever, five that was awake in my world. I don't have many people on my YouTube channel. I haven't done any advertising. So, YWAM, I went there. I did my DTS, my Discipleship Training School in Orlando for three months or so. And then I went to Nanning, China. What an experience. Going to see a different culture, which really opened me up to seeing happiness amongst poverty. Going to the villages, right? It was in a small city with only six million people back in, right? And, um, it was crazy busy. Going to the meat market and seeing dogs on hooks, you know, they breed them to, they breed them to eat them. So I don't, people be, I don't care. It's their culture. It doesn't matter. It's, uh, they raise them to eat them. They're not, they're not chopping out their pets. That happens in this world. But, uh, yeah, I'm not going to go over. My mind is right now. Um, and, uh, where are you, Rex? Come on, brother. I'll bring him up on Messenger if he can't show up on here. You can show up on here. We'll turn this around. And what'll up say hi to Rex, my brother. My brother from Mora, sweet teeny mother. Oh, there we go. He's here. My homeboy. Oh, no. Oh, he was coming on and I, oh, no. He was coming on and I called him at the same time. Oh, man. We need Rex to come on and have some closing here. Oh, what, what, what? I see somebody coming on. Who that? My brother. Yeah. What's up? Not much. How's, uh, how's my brother Rex? R. Sh. Nasi. Yes, yes, yes. I'm all good. I'm all good, bro. I'm all good. I got about 15 minutes left before I got to go. I've told story from, uh, uh, the age of zero to 20. The boring part. You're still not done? Yeah. I haven't done your story yet. Okay. You got 14 minutes to tell your whole story. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bet you can tell. I bet you can tell it with one song. "Shine on Me." No, I'm kidding. Um, but it's, yeah, so I told that I was going to, I'm actually at the point now where I was just finishing up on my YWAM. And then can take on part two, this when I, when time allows, and that'll be from my oil rig years on. And then business years. And then marriage, adult infidelity, or children before that. Um, and then, and then the real battle, you know about that. Yeah, man. Rex, I didn't introduce him. I can't wait to hear your story. And it's going to be, uh, when the God allows the time for it, and not, it's going to be amazing, right? So, um, yeah, I probably tell part one, two, in the in the time this live. Yeah, we could do that. Yeah, for sure. I'm pretty much, yeah, I pretty much finished. But I'm going to read a poem of mine before. I got two poems. And I'll do it quick. And, uh, actually, I'll do my YWAM is what I'm going to do. I'll pull it up. I'll do my poem. And then I'll do that thing. And then you, and then Rex, just take the floor and say whatever that spirit leads to say, man. You've got a crazy, uh, solid to Paul story, hey? I'll do the YWAM first.

Right here. All right. All you gotta... Can you do a... I'm kidding. This called this a PO. I, what that? I really was gonna do it this time. The beat. B, I'll do it. Yeah, you do a beat. I'll follow along to it. For my, the same one I lean on you for. S, the one I wrote because you promised peace of mind. That one. I'll do it. A little. I'll emphasize. Re is by the way. Rex is by the way. My hip-hop rap coach. Um, we could uh, we could play. Yeah, I've got 16 minutes on my meeting. But uh, yeah, good. Giver, let's see if we can do this. I'll turn my, make my volume up. See, let's see. Let's see what I can come up with. Like, you gotta do it loud so I can hear it.

[Music]

Le new for sanity because you promised peace of mind. A little faster. Okay. A little faster. Yeah. I got to sing a country song. I lean on you for sanity. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You try sing it. Yeah, it sounds, sounds. No, that's what I've done for so long. I'll just rap it here. Ready? But remember last time, you, you, you encouraged me to do more, more rhythm, right? More flow. And I got the rhythm when I sing. But I, uh, I've always spoke fast. I can talk really fast like this. And that, right? So I'm going to do more. We'll see what happens this time, right? It's hard to follow a beat because I, if I had it in my ears, it'd be better, right? But, um, and if it was like faster than 40 beats a minute. Yeah. If only, if only my mind could like get that, man. Before that, man, I got, I gotta. Before anything, man, I'm gonna show them your, your a bit of your music here. Ready? This is called uh, Shine On Me by R. Jal Nagasi on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes. R, K, A, H, L, I, L, N, E, G, S, I. This is called Shine On Me. I'll put the details in the comments. Here we go. Like my new hat. My mama gave it to me.

[Music]

I've ever seen. That's how it goes. You can an accompany to it. Oh my Lord and personal savior. I don't really love to do like an acoustic version of this song. You know, make it feel like a worship song, sort of thing. Yeah. I got one feedback on the song at the beginning of it, right here. It comes in a little early. You need a little more taper. Everything's perfect otherwise. I'll show you. Jumps in. Could have used a couple beats. And then I think. But you can, it's freaking amazing, though. That too. I'm trying to show up, but there's too much player. Yeah. So, uh, now improvise the song. Go. You want to make one up on the fly? You and I? Well, we can try. Yeah, definitely. I do it. What are you getting about, uh, from darkness to light? From, from, from flames to freedom. From flames to freedom. From darkness. Flames to freedom. Flames to freedom. Yeah. Flames freedom. Like Michael's, uh, uh, from faith. From flames, right? Flames to freedom. Thought. Yeah. Probably. Yeah. That's probably why flames to freedom resonates because, because somewhere in my subconsciousness, that fa from flames. Yeah. Flames to freedom, man. I, uh, just showed up in my, in my mind somewhere.

All right. I lived a life of insecurity, man. I was so blind. What the hell was I thinking? Now that I look behind, all that hindsight behind me is so dang clear. But so, let me get a notebook too. Give me a second. Let me get a notebook too. Yeah. So, is a whiskey whispering in my ear saying, you'll be better if you put me in you. And I believed, believed that. Jezebel. I don't know. Make it. I'm trying too hard. When I try too hard, it don't work. So I'll actually do my. It wasn't that bad, but it was kind of whatever. When I let go and let God take over and let me my brain be relaxed, it's better. So, um, I under the one I got here. It's, uh, we got 12 minutes. And then I got, uh, Cassidy, my counselor. I got to do appointments. Eight of them. Four more. Three more. Three or four more, right here. Before saw a Google Calendar notification from your email about that. Yeah, yeah. There's some bunch of, uh, configuration I did. So, um, oh, about the, my. Yeah, yeah. You got this all red. You're part of yesterday's Rebels calendar, brother. My brother. I think you that one. Yeah. Yesterday's Rebels. When y'all were looking back in the mirror, we were pretty, we were pretty, uh, the, you know, we're looking back is clear, but looking forward through it was the mud, right? We, we had to go through that battle. We had to go through heaven to find hell. No other way around. We had to go through hell to fight heaven. I found heaven by going through hell.

Um, I wrote a poem. I was, I pleaded out to God. I was like, first for a while, I was like, who am I? For like a year and a half, two years. God, who am I? You know, I felt like a, did my life in the past. Just a different Bible character at different times, you know? So much faith, but so much, you know, Solomon and David. I wrote that. Who am I? I know who I am now. I'm Stephan Daniel Doan. I'm a child of God. Temple of Christ, right? Um, and, uh, that heart that he put in me, like the grand she grew three sizes, right? And it keeps growing every day, especially having people like you in my life. And, uh, you want to see camera? Or no, no, just. Yeah. St. Yeah, man. My brother. I, I like. Yeah, he's, uh, he's got his story to tell. And when he's ready, he's, he's gonna do it too. So, um, this one, why me though? I said, God, why me? You know, you too, right? Your Salid to Paul. I'll read this and I'll do my rap. Take me like two minutes to both. And then, uh, take the floor on your Salid to Paul. You know, you rip the church and all that. So, why me, God? I played with him. Why me? Why did you take this guy, who adulterer, and turn me into a music guy who can go and write songs and sing? You know, and want to bring people to you. Of course, I do. But why did you choose? Why me? I was a prodigal. I was a thief. I was an addict. And it was all about me. Looking back, it was all vanity. Since I've surrendered, I can finally see the love is everything that I need. Even though I don't deserve it. I'd say one thing, didn't do another. I was such a hypocrite. And somehow I was led to the light. Against the Lord, had other plans. Now he is my foundation. And I'm no longer in sinking sand. But I simply cannot understand. Why me? Why me? I was the worst of sinners and deserve to eternally die. You pulled me out of the darkness and into your light. You softened my heart and you gave me new life. Why me? Why me? I was a prodigal eating with the swine. Getting drunk on whiskey, women, and wine. Somehow you gave me mercy and opened my eyes. When you softened my heart, I took off my disguise. Now for all of my days, I'll be alive. Why do you choose me when I deserve to die?

And that's just. I gotta do verse two still. But, uh, I'll do that quick for time's sake. All right. This one. Tell. All right. Give me a much constructive or deconstructive. Kidding. You don't know how to constructive criticism compared to the first one you heard on this. I got see. I'll try. I lean on you for sanity because you promised peace of mind. But you only brought depravity and made my heart go blind. You scorn my reputation with your toxic medication. You filled me with doubt when I wanted validation. You picked me up then knocked me down. You called me friend, but you let me drown. Since I walked away from you, addiction, I'm so much better now. But another day goes by that I don't remember you. Sometimes I want you in my blood when I'm feeling black and blue. You cried wolf too many times and really showed me who you are. You never wanted the best for me, 'cause you don't have a heart. You do. So all this reminiscing of my painful memories helps me stay the hell away from you. Addiction. So stay the hell away from me. This is my resignation. I am no longer your slave. So grab a shovel, let's take a whole lot. Help you dig your grave. And if you come around and I see your ugly face, I'll remind you who really loves me. You know, the one who gives me grace. Take your needles and your smoke. I never had a needle problem, but some taking needles in your smoke. Take them far, far away. You're never welcome back, addiction. You are a disgrace.

Verse two. Now I get high on music. She lets me feel like myself. She's broken by chains and now I'm out of my cell. You only offer dope. Me and your happiness leads to hell. Not one single part of me wants to even wish you well. But I'll still talk about you and let them know who you really are. My wounds from you are healed, but I'll show them all my scars. It's time to start a movement. Let's roll the stones away. Let's lean on love for all our strength and walk out of a grave. That's the chorus again. I better do that one. Uh, now. Day goes by that I don't remember you. Sometimes I want. Can do faster now. Speed wrap. Another day goes by that I don't remember you. Sometimes I want you in my blood when I'm feeling black and blue. But you God wolf too many times, really show me who you are. And if you're one of the best for me, 'cause you don't have a heart. Slow is better. So all this reminiscing of my painful memories helps me stay the hell away from you. So stay the hell away from me. This is my resignation. I am no longer your slave. So grab a shovel, let's take a hope. I'll help you dig your grave. And if you come around and I see your ugly face. Al Mighty who really loves me. You know, the one who gives me grace. So take your needles and your smoke. Take them far, far away. And never ever welcome back, addiction. You are a disgrace. Now I get high on music. She lets me feel like myself. She's broken all my chains and now I'm out of my cell. You only offer dopamine and your happy happiness leads to hell. Not one single part of me wants to wish you well. But I, but I'll still talk about you. Let them know who you really are. My wounds from you are healed. I already read that part. Sorry.

Now outro. I already heard that. Now serenity fills my veins. Mercy took away my pain. The sun s in the sun evaporated my p, my rain. I'm finally proud of me again. Life's a journey, not a race. It's full of lessons, full of grace. And I still smoke cigarettes, but addiction, you are a disgrace. Yeah. I wrote that in the bath. All right. Six minutes. Four, five minutes. Go there. Salid to Paul from Rex toas. Uh, I got m, m, my mind was like, I got saved like Paul on the road to Damascus. I fell on my face at the feet of the master. From persecuting the saints, I'm made a holy disaster. Eyes blinded, ears deafened at the glory of Ab. I went from a skeptic like I'm Clarence. Now I'm walking on water. Consume the word with the veracity. That village is hunger for truth. Get in the booth, then I'm spewing these chapters at you. I am a youth and the life that I live is infused with the Holy Spirit. When I walk by a flower, it blooms. Salt of the earth. I see the spirit is bearing some fruit. I'm the Elijah of this age. See the fire consumed every step I take. Anointed. See the devil of views. See I done walk through. I done walk through the crucible and came out shining. I seen multiple hells and I came out smiling. Through unimaginable pressures, I came out vibing. The Lord cut me himself. I am God's own diamond.

Yo, brother, that was good. When did you write that one? Or just now? That's, uh, that's the, that's the verse on my song. The one on your, the one that you did with him. Yeah. I'm gonna play some of Mike's. I'm gonna play that right now. I gotta, I gotta talk about Mike here. Michael quickly too. He's, uh, he's one of the Amigos like us. Uh, there's only three out. As many Amigos want to come in here, but we are, you know, Batman and Robinhood, right? Batman and Robinhood.com. Check it out when it's open. Uh, we're gonna help. We want to help with criminal justice and with social justice. And, uh, yeah. So let's pull, let's pull up SMUD D. I listened to a bunch of his songs the other day. Uh, smudge D album. He released it. My buddy Michael. SM. Smell.

[Applause]

Smka one here. We're gonna do the song with, uh, oh man, where'd he go? Home search. It's, uh, titled Old Day. Old Day. Jehovah is the title. Got.

[Music]

In love you all of.

[Music]

His. Oh, was that guy? The holy eyes. Oh yeah. That line. Walked through the crucible and came out shining. I'm God's own diamond. Yep, yep, yep. Man, I love this song so much. Yeah. Screenshot.

[Music]

Smile. Oh, that didn't work. You say, here we go. Today we going. You're such a good, uh, so diligent. Amazing invitation for here. Two minute, minute and a half. I got my meeting here. I know. We're phone call, actually. One. Can I do this one? I got, I got, I gotta run, brother. You want to quickly pray? 30 seconds. Okay. Let's pray. Dear God, we want to thank you for this opportunity for fellowship right now. We want to ask you to bless us as we continue on with our days. Bless Stephan as he goes to his meeting in Jesus' name. Bless Stephan as he goes through with this day as well. Thank you for your love, your grace, and your mercy over our lives. And may you continue to bless us in everything that we do, Father. Most importantly, send us to your word to to to to be a fish, to be fishers of men. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, we pray. Amen. And be with my brother Rex. Clive, my homie, my brother. Such a blessing to be part of life, man. I'll, uh, I, you, you come on for part two, man, to get to hear the, the fun stuff. You missed all the boring stuff. No, I told my siblings, my upbringing, it was pretty good. And, uh, it'll be on my channel. I'll leave it live on there now. So you go check it out. Okay? Yeah, definitely. To catch up on everything. Yeah, yeah. I gotta go. Seven o'clock. All right. Love you. Peace. Peace. Love you too, man. Love you, everybody. Bye.