YOUR GUIDE TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE & CHARISMA | how to be a natural conversationalist & attract people

My lovelies, it is Fernanda here. Welcome back to A Better You Podcast. If you are new here, thank you for clicking on this episode, and I am so excited because today we have a topic that I just know, I just know I can deliver. I take a lot of pride, honestly, on being good at this skill.

So today, if you want to learn how to become a natural conversationalist, having immense confidence in yourself and in social situations, being a social butterfly, winning people over, which can help you in a number of ways, whether that be in the workforce, whether that be in school, at an event, at a party, at a networking event. Maybe you're even a content creator and you're trying to build an audience. Maybe you're trying to date, find the love of your life, make new friends. In this week's episode, we are going to learn all about becoming the best conversationalist you can, becoming a more interesting person, how to overcome social anxiety, become more outgoing, and overall become a more charismatic person.

Now, you may be wondering why I feel so confident in this topic. But to be honest, as a YouTuber, as a podcast host, as an influencer, or being a person with a presence online, I know that one of the most valuable skills that I can learn and that I can have is to express my thoughts well, to articulate them well, to be a well-liked person, honestly, and to be good at socializing. When I go into these events or working with brands, meeting new people, it is just something that is an essential skill for me to have, especially in the industry that I'm in.

And over the past few years, I have been particularly practicing these skills, reading up on them, honestly, looking at the back end of it, kind of like psychology, because that's what it is, learning how people work and how to work on personal relationships and your interpersonal skills, as well as communication skills. Those are all topics that are super important to me, and over the past few years, I have been working on developing those skills. And I can confidently say that after all these years of practice, I know that when I step into a room, or when I go into a social setting where I don't know anybody, where I don't have enough friends, where I want to impress somebody, where somebody there I know can give me opportunities, or is more successful than me, can teach me something, I know that I am confident to enter that room and come out with a list full of contacts, a list full of new friends, and a list full of valuable information that I learned.

That being said, I feel like I have a lot of advice and a lot of tips to give you guys if you want to become better at this skill. Something that me and my friends always say when we go to like parties or events is that we love to practice our social Rizz. So that is something that I want to just talk a lot about in this episode because I feel like it perfectly encapsulates what I'm trying to get at, and I feel like by explaining it to you guys, you will understand what I'm talking about.

Now, a while ago, there was this trend on TikTok where it was talking about the kind of Rizz that you have. And first of all, I'm pretty sure the way they said Rizz stands for actually charisma. But the way that they were using it and the context that they were using it was how you would like pull girls in or pull guys, like how you would flirt with other people, how you would kind of like charm people. And obviously, when we're going out, we don't need to flirt with every single person we have. I mean, especially if you're in a relationship, you're probably not going out to flirt with a bunch of people, or if it's someone from like your job, you're definitely not trying to flirt with them.

But social Rizz, okay, that's a term that we can get with, and that applies to everyone because it's the charisma that you have with other people, how you can captivate people that you look up to, people that are successful, people that can give you opportunities, that can teach you things. It really comes down to that. And whenever you go out in public, I just need you to take all the tips that I'm about to give you and say, "I'm going to work on my social Rizz." And when you're done that interaction, give yourself a pat on the back and say, "That was, that was a slay. That was a great interaction."

One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned through being surrounded by very successful people in positions that I want to get to is that in all of life, really, yes, it's about hard work. Yes, yes, it's about perseverance and discipline and drive and all this kind of stuff. But a big thing that I've noticed is that it isn't always necessarily how hard you work or how many hours you put into something. A lot of the times, it's who you know.

And I think that throughout this world, as we grow older, especially for people that are my age, maybe you're going out of high school, or maybe you're in high school and you're trying to get a certain opportunity, or maybe you're in the workforce and you're trying to get a promotion, or maybe you are an influencer or a content creator like me and you're trying to navigate this world and meet new people and get more brand deals and get more collabs, or whatever the case may be, it really comes down to who you know and how well connected you are.

If you have access to a bunch of these connections, but you yourself are not a good conversationalist, you're not good with people, you don't know how to read the room, match the room, and almost influence the room that you're in, it doesn't matter who you have access to. You yourself are not well-connected. I've seen myself even in this like industry, people that I think could do really well, but because they don't have these skills and they don't work on these skills, they are kind of limited to how much potential they could have.

Not only that, but I think a super valuable lesson that you need to learn if you want to succeed in this life is how to be able to sell yourself. I pulled up here on my phone that selling yourself means communicating your value, and that's an ability that we can all benefit from. It doesn't matter how skillful or talented you are at something if you don't know how to sell yourself to others.

I want to make sure that this term or this sentence doesn't get twisted. Selling yourself is not meant to come across as greedy, dishonest, or in a deceiving way. It is more meant that you need to be able to show off what you have, what value you have, how you can help other people, and kind of win people over, especially when there are other people that can help you be where you want to be. Selling yourself is extremely important, and if you have the ability to persuade someone of your value, then you are one step ahead of many other people.

A big quote with this that I want to say before we get into this is that a lot of the times, it's not necessarily what you're saying, it's how you say it. And now that we have that all set out and you kind of understand why I want to talk about this topic, I first want to go in with the back end of this because we cannot start selling ourselves if we can't even get ourselves there in the first place. So let's talk about social anxiety or feeling awkward in social settings.

Now, if you actually have social anxiety, it is diagnosed, then I should not be saying anything to you because I am not qualified. I am not a therapist. I am not a psychology major. But if you do feel like you are very shy and awkward and you just get really nervous in social situations, that is where I can help. I think it's a very good idea to look within. And if you do have problems with socializing, or you want to make more friends, or you want to date someone, and you feel like you can't get yourself out there, it's important to look within and think, "Why do I have these issues in the first place?"

I feel like I start all my episodes like that, but the truth is, all the answers that we want are hidden within ourselves. We cannot ask someone, "Why can't I make friends? Why can't I find a boyfriend? Why, why can't I get a promotion?" You need to look within and say, "What's wrong?" Like, if I was asking myself, "Fernanda, what's wrong here? Why, why do I feel awkward around other people?" Is it because I'm shy? Is it because I'm insecure? Is it because I haven't had enough practice socializing that I freeze up and I don't know what to say? It's really important to look within and realize what the root cause is so that you can try to fix it.

I think the culprit that is very common is that a lot of people feel an excessive amount of self-consciousness or fear of judgment. And to just banish that fear in the first place, guys, we are living on a floating rock. I'm going to say that again. We are living on a floating rock. Okay? We need to realize that everyone on this planet is busy thinking about themselves. They are worried about themselves. If you embarrass yourself, it might be in their mind for like, five seconds until the next day where they go, "Damn, back to my life." Like, they really don't care about the embarrassing moment that you have, the little slip-up you said. It really, really doesn't matter.

We're going to talk about this further on in the episode, but the other thing is that we need to be okay with expressing who we are, being yourself, and showing authenticity. I feel like "be yourself" is the most cliché advice that someone can give you if you're worried about social settings. Or I don't know, someone might come up to you and say, "Don't worry about it, girl, just be yourself." And that can be so annoying because what does that even mean? And sometimes you don't want to be yourself. It can be easier to put a mask on and cover yourself up to what you think other people are going to like, what you think they're going to accept.

But the truth is, the more that you are okay with being yourself, and the more you're okay with embarrassing yourself every once in a while, you are going to be okay with how you carry yourself at all times. You will have no fear of judgment because you've already accepted yourself, and you can't let other people's opinions sway your perception of yourself because you're okay with yourself. You like the way you are, and you need to completely not care about what other people think of you.

And let me tell you, I would not be where I am if I cared about what people thought of me. And the truth is, the more that I am myself, and the more honest I am, I've literally seen it. The more I can attract other people because what makes you attractive to somebody else is how genuine you can be and how carefree you are in your own body.

I think we all know that nothing is more attractive than confidence. And when someone is so without a doubt confident in themselves, in their personality, they're unafraid, they are shamelessly themselves, that is an attractive trait. That is an attractive quality. And the fact that we know that means that you yourself should not fear judgment. You should be yourself, and people will like you most when you are that.

Another thing that I think leads to someone having more social anxiety than others, or being super nervous in group settings, is because they do not practice being in social settings enough. You guys need to realize that having this social Rizz, and I'm saying it again, having social Rizz, it's sorry, I'm sorry, it sounds so funny when I say it, but having this is a muscle. And I feel like we've heard that many times before, but being good at socializing is a muscle. It's something that you need to practice.

And I think that sometimes when you're nervous about it, or maybe you had a bad experience in the past, maybe you have a traumatic experience, if you got bullied one time for this, or like, I don't know, you embarrassed yourself, it was so traumatic, you're like, "I'm never going to do that again." Then you start to avoid social situations, and then it gets to a point where it's so bad, you almost have a mental block. Then I think you've almost spiraled too deep. You've made it a bigger deal than it actually is, and now you kind of have like, you literally have a mental block with it. You don't want to face your fears and overcome that barrier or get out of your comfort zone.

But if you start to feel like that, you need to stop it at the root of the problem and say, "No, we are not going to get in our head about this. We need to push our negative thoughts aside, swallow our fears, and just step one foot in front of the other, not letting things build up and become something that seems too tough to go through."

So to summarize these fears, if you have a lack of social skills, just know that this is something that you can practice and get better at. Another one may be that you have a fear of judgment. You need to remember, nobody cares. It's okay to laugh at ourselves. It's okay to be cringey. And also, nothing is embarrassing unless you think it's embarrassing. I think everyone has a different level of what they think is embarrassing, and if you overcome this threshold, if you embarrass yourself so many times, if you're okay with laughing at yourself, nothing can be embarrassing. You can find a way to find the light in it.

And also, having these little embarrassing moments, number one, build character development. I'm sure you're going to have some really good stories to tell after. Second of all, if you explain other people your embarrassing moments or your, I don't know, little mishaps, it makes you seem like a more relatable person, and I'm sure whoever you're communicating this to will find you more personable and more interesting and funny to talk to. So there should be no problems with that. And also, if you are getting excessively judged by a group of people, those are not the people for you, and they have just revealed their ugly traits, so you don't need to be around them anyway.

And third, you may be faced with a case of low self-esteem, which is okay. We can have self-compassion for ourselves. Maybe sometimes we have a negative perception of ourselves in terms of our personality or in terms of our appearance. But if you can pinpoint exactly what it is that is causing you to have a low self-esteem or is causing you to feel self-conscious, you can try to improve it. For example, I know that I will be self-conscious in a social setting if I do not like the way that I look. That may sound silly or superficial, honestly, but I know that if I'm in a social setting and something that I'm wearing doesn't fit me right, it's too tight, it's too loose, I don't like the way it looks, I myself will not be able to communicate with others as well as I could when I am feeling 100% about the way that I look on the outside.

Having that known in my certain scenario, I will go to all social situations as best dressed, as best looking as I can get myself. And when I feel like that, I feel unstoppable. My social Rizz is through the roof, and I feel like I just want to talk to everybody. How you look on the outside translates a lot to how you feel on the inside, and I think that's also a little tip in itself. If you want to feel more confident, make sure that you are so content with the way that you look on the outside so that you go out with at least knowing that that's one less thing that you need to worry about. You will feel so good about yourself, you'll feel so confident in the way that your hair is sitting, the way your outfit looks, that you are going to want to talk to as many people as you can at that party because you want people to look at you, you want people to notice you, and you want to take up space in the room that you're in.

And again, it's not just about external features. It's not just about the shell of a body that you're in. It's about your insides. If you are confident in your values, your morals, your good traits that you have, maybe you're an extremely loyal person and you really value that, maybe you know that you have a great sense of humor and that you're so funny, maybe you know how intelligent you are and you know a lot about a lot of things. Whatever it is on the inside that you love about yourself and that you're very proud of, you're going to go out in social situations with a lot of confidence because no one can argue with that. You know that it's a fact.

And I said this on a different podcast, but I think one of my best tips for confidence is that if you spend a lot of time with yourself, spending time alone and enjoying who you are as a person, you can go out in social settings and interact with whoever because either one, they're going to like you just as much as you like yourself, and two, if they don't like you and they don't see the good in you, then you shouldn't even care about them anyway because you like yourself and you can say, "Well, that must be them. It's definitely not me."

And of course, this goes within reason. Obviously, if you love yourself, but you're actually just a douchebag of a person to other people and they don't like you, there's going to be no surprise there. But I mean, if you're being authentically yourself and you're unique and you like your uniqueness and you like your authenticity and you go out and some judgy freak doesn't like you, that's on them. That is not on you, and that should not make you feel shy going forward in social situations, or it shouldn't make you feel like you need to retract on being open and vulnerable and showing your true self. It should make you realize, "I do not want to be next to that person ever again."

And if you're thinking to yourself, "It's not that I have low self-esteem, it's not that I think I lack confidence, or that I am scared of being in social situations. I'm just really awkward, and whenever I talk to someone, I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing, I'm clumsy, whatever." I've been there too, and I know how it feels. I've definitely felt like I'm doing too much sometimes.

But I think something to remember in these types of situations is that we are our own worst critics, and sometimes we are excessively overanalyzing ourselves, and we get in our heads too much. When this happens, we are thinking in our brain, we are not present in the current moment. And I think that it's important when you're maybe in these social settings and you get really in your head to ground yourself and to realize where you are and to be present.

Finding a way to combat this may be different from person to person. But for me, when I'm feeling super self-conscious about the way that I look, the way my outfit is hitting, and I'm in a social setting, I make sure that I go to a friend of mine and be like, "Okay, tell me I look good. Just tell me. I just want to hear it." And they'll be like, "Fernanda, you look good. There's nothing to worry about. You're fine." And I'll be like, "You know what? You're right. I am fine." Having something like that brings me back down to earth.

But if you need to call someone, or ask someone, or just have something that makes you present, maybe it's taking deep breaths, maybe it's focusing on something in front of you, maybe it's counting to 10, maybe it's venting to a friend. Whatever it is, having something that is going to ground you, I think it is extremely helpful in times like that.

So to close off that segment, I just want to say, keep in mind that it is normal to feel awkward from time to time. It is normal to not be 100% confident in your social skills, in your personality, in the way that you look. It is okay. It is normal. We all go through it. We all experience it. In times like these, practice self-compassion, practice being present, practice not being a perfectionist, and rather see where you can improve, see how you can be better the next time, or reflect back on the situation and the experience and see how you can make it better next time.

I'm going to give you guys some ways on how I think that you can practice being more social and how you can work on this skill. Starting off with practicing in low-pressure environments, such as joining a club, doing a hobby, maybe at family gatherings, at birthday parties. This could literally be going to the club, going to the bar, and socializing with the most random people there that you don't know and that you never going to see again because you have literally nothing to lose. And if they walk away from you, you can literally walk away too. Or, or at small gatherings, whatever it may be.

When you're in those situations and you have nothing to lose because the people there either don't know you or love you already, so you really don't have to worry about getting like extremely rejected, you can use these situations to your advantage and play around with the setting. Sometimes whenever me and my friends go to the club, we'll just like talk to whoever, talk to strangers, play around with your interactions, be playful, say something that you don't expect, say something that they won't expect, maybe a joke that you've never said before. You can do and say whatever you want because the stakes are so low, you have no one to impress, and it'll just be practice for you. And it's funny if worse comes to worse, it is funny. So that is my first suggestion for you.

Next one, set goals when you go out for your social interactions. This may be talking to five new people. This may be asking three people three personal questions about themselves. This could be introducing yourself to two new people. Whatever it is, having a goal in the beginning of the night and setting that intention before you go out in the first place will set the tone for how you want the night to go. You can even give yourself affirmations before you go wherever you need to go and say, "I'm going to talk to three people." And guess what? If it's awkward, I don't care. At least I did it. You can even have rewards for yourself. Okay? Whatever this may be, having little stepping stones like that will ensure that you will have growth. Like, there is no possible way that you can put yourself out that many times and end off at the same place that you started.

You can even practice maintaining strong eye contact, which I feel like is something that can be tough for a lot of people, or even trying to practice being a better active listener. Something for me that I say I would need to practice maybe is having better memory. Maybe this may be remembering people's names better, or maybe after the conversation is done, remembering three points that that person said in that conversation.

Being an active listener is so much more than a skill that you need to be better at. It is something that will have your relationships be so long-lasting, be so meaningful, and it can turn a quick connection to an actual relationship where you can become friends after, maybe you start dating after. It is something that is so valued, I think, in this society, especially when people are just talking out of their mouths, they're saying so much, everyone's trying to impress each other. If you have the ability to listen actively to somebody else, I assure you that other person is going to feel so heard, so validated, so nice about themselves, and they will be obsessed with you because guess what, guys? People love to talk about themselves.

The more you can get them talking about themselves and what they are passionate about, and you are actively listening, asking them questions, being shocked, being surprised, nodding, agreeing with them, giving subtle positive body language like, "Yep, okay, what else? Tell me more," asking follow-up questions, they will feel like you are really there for them. Make sure to ask open-ended questions so that they can talk a lot and to extent about these things. And also, show genuine interest in other people. Be curious about them and ask questions that you actually want to know about. Like, it is okay to be vulnerable and to be honest and to maybe ask a question that seems obvious, or maybe, I mean, you can play around with this. I wouldn't ask questions that are too personal to someone that you don't know.

But if you know them quite well and you're trying to deepen the relationship, ask questions that are personal because a lot of times you are surprised. And either one, they will really be honest with you and tell you how it is, and maybe they might even feel really special because nobody else has asked them about that. Or two, maybe they don't want to answer the question and they'll just kind of close it off with like, "I don't really feel comfortable talking about that," but whatever. Or they might just steer the conversation differently, that you do need to be careful with and you need to read the room to see if it's something that's actually okay for you to ask. But I think when used in the right situation and in the right scenario, it could be very beneficial to deepen that relationship.

Don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and introduce yourself to new people, initiating conversations, or sharing your thoughts and opinions in a group setting. It is completely okay to make mistakes. Also, if things go awkward and it goes south, you can use all of these situations as learning experiences for what not and what to do next time you go into this.

I also think that having a safe person with you can make you feel a lot more confident. For example, if you're going to a party on your own, you might feel super awkward, you might feel like you don't know who to talk to. But if you have somebody with you, a buddy, a friend, it makes things so much easier because you together can always have a safe person beside each other, but also go out and experiment with talking to new people and talking to strangers. This way also, if you have another buddy with you, you may say yes to more opportunities and more situations more often and really put yourself out there.

And also, like I said earlier, be okay with reflecting back on the situation that just happened. Think about what you could have done differently, what you think you could have said differently, if you would have reacted differently, or maybe even give yourself a pat on the back if there was something that you did that you really enjoyed and that you're proud of yourself for pulling out on the spot.

Okay, so now it's time I give you the ultimate game plan for having the most charismatic interaction. Now, first of all, you may be asking, "What does charisma even mean?" Because sometimes I'm confused about that word. I feel like we hear about it all the time, but like, what does it refer to and how can I be more charismatic? That's my question.

So first of all, the definition is that it refers to a compelling and attractive quality that some individual possess. It allows them to effortlessly captivate and influence others. It is a combination of personal magnetism, charm, confidence, and the ability to create a positive and engaging presence. Charismatic individuals often have a powerful impact on those around them, drawing people in and inspiring admiration, trust, and loyalty. It also says that charisma involves a combination of both verbal and non-verbal communication skills. They have excellent interpersonal skills that include active listening, empathy, and effective storytelling. They can connect with others on an emotional level and make people feel understood and valued.

I have been told that I'm quite charismatic, and like I said, this is something that I strive to be. So knowing that this is the definition and knowing that this is something that you want to be like sets the standard for how you want to interact and how you want to come across with other people.

So for the ultimate charismatic game plan, you're at an event, you're at a party, you're at a social gathering, and you have found someone that you want to talk to. I recommend starting off with strong eye contact. If this is someone that you're obviously trying to attract and you're trying to have some flirtatious energy, you know, you can stare at them from across the room, maintain eye contact. I feel like they kind of get the hint that you want to talk to them, that you're interested. They may come up to you because your first move was making intensive eye contact.

But do I recommend having intense eye contact from across the room and if this is like your boss? No, I don't recommend that. That might come across creepy. But when you're actually having a conversation with them face to face, it's incredibly important to make eye contact because it shows confidence. It shows that you're engaged in the conversation, and I know for myself when I'm talking to someone else, I would appreciate them if they were looking at me back in the eyes rather than staring all across the room because it shows that they are very present for that conversation and they want to have it and that they mean to have it. This can be difficult, but it can go such a long way. And especially if you have some beautiful eyes, like show them off. Make people see them. And you know what they say, eyes are the door to the soul, so if you have beautiful eyes, show them off.

Next thing is, of course, to introduce yourself. You can go up to someone and say, "Hi, what's your name? My name is Fernanda. I love your necklace. I saw you across the room. I just wanted to come say hi to you." Or maybe there's someone that you know is very successful in whatever. Come up with a game plan, figure out what you want to say to them, and go up and ask them. Most people, I think, are pretty kind and will love to have a conversation with you. And if you get the vibe straight away that they do not want to talk with you, you know, you don't have to further engage with that. You can leave. You can walk away, whatever.

I think something for me, especially being in influencer scenes, there's a lot of people that I want to get to know that I already know because they're already online or they have a social presence. And I think in those types of situations when you want to go up to someone, I obviously wouldn't go up to them as a fan. I would go up to them as a friend or as a potential friend so that we're kind of on the same page. And if I already know who they are and they're pretty big, maybe I'm not going to ask them what their name is, or maybe I already follow them, so I'm not going to ask them what their name is. But I can go up myself and introduce myself and say, "Hi, I'm Fernanda. I follow you on here and I wanted to talk to you." Or, "Hi, I'm Fernanda. I love your necklace. I just had to say hi to you." Whatever the case may be, introduce yourself and let them know who you are, and I'm sure they'll introduce themselves back. And I think having the courage to introduce yourself first says a lot about you if you're able to do that.

Now, once you are talking to them, like we said, make sure that you are asking questions. Make sure you are genuinely interested in them. Don't be afraid to give compliments, to hype them up, to congratulate them if you know that something in their life is happening. I think those are all likable traits, and if you're a kind person, no one will have anything but good things to say about you. And also, don't be afraid to be agreeable. You know, whatever they're saying, you can match their energy.

Now, when you are actually talking to them and you're interacting with this person, this is going to be the actual, like, the meat of the conversation. That sounds kind of funny to say, but when you're talking and expressing yourself, this is what you need to do. Starting off with showing off your personality. You need to embrace your unique qualities, not act fake because people can see through that, not put on a facade, not act in a certain way that you think they will like you. Show up as yourself and be comfortable in your own skin.

Make sure that you're using positive body language, which includes having open and relaxed body signals, which can be having your arms out, your chest forward, having good posture, using your hands when you speak, nodding, smiling. That goes a long way. I feel like people really respond well to when someone is smiling and happy because who wouldn't want to talk to someone like that? And overall, having body language that signals approachability and warmth because that's what people like. Acting cold and reserved and acting like you're too cool for whatever environment you're in is not going to have anyone coming up to you. It will in fact close doors because nobody wants to talk to someone that has closed off body language.

And I do think that, yeah, there are those scenarios and those people that have naturally resting faces, sorry to say it, or resting sad faces. But if you know that you struggle with that or you have that problem, actively try to be aware of what your body language is giving off, what your facial expressions are doing, what you're doing with your hands, how you're standing, how you're carrying yourself, because it will make a big difference in how many people want to come talk to you. And if you give off approachable vibes.

I just want to add in here now that we're talking about approachability, we do live in a society where people do see your external body first before they even talk to you, and it can put you at a great advantage if you really take care of your physical appearance. Now, again, I'm not saying that this is the most important thing. What matters is what's in the inside, and it doesn't matter how beautiful you are on the outside if you have a shitty personality, that's what people are going to get across. But if on the outside you're well-groomed, you have good hygiene, you take care of yourself, and maybe you have that nice feminine energy where you do your hair, you do your makeup, you have a nice outfit, you have your nails done, if you have the external package out and you are dressed to impress, and then they talk to you and you also have substance and you are smart and you are charismatic and you have all these skills and you're good to talk to, you're basically set. You have the entire package.

So when we're talking about approachability and we're talking about how to carry yourself and then how you can keep the conversation going, also focus on your external appearance and put effort into the way you look because that can also open a lot of doors for you.

Now, when you're actually talking to these people, we already know that cultivating an inner sense of confidence is what really is going to draw people to you. I think it's really helpful when you speak with enthusiasm and with clarity, and you use your vocal tone to kind of accentuate certain parts of the story or lower it or higher it. When you exude that energy, people can feel it, and they are going to really enjoy your company.

Next tip for when you're talking to people and you're trying to get the conversation going good, you want them to like you, you want them to learn about you, you want to sell yourself. The most important thing that you can do here is to be, first of all, to be an interesting person, and to also be interested in the person that you are talking to.

On that first one, talking about being an interesting individual, the more interesting you are, the more the other person is going to want to continue talking to you. You can be interesting in the way that you express yourself and how you tell stories, but you can also be interesting in what you know and how much knowledge you carry or the life experiences that you have. And if you have cool stories or crazy experiences that have happened to you, don't be afraid to say them and to be open to be vulnerable and to express those with other people because it makes you more interesting and people are going to want to continue talking to you because what you say is cool and different and interesting. And if you can deliver it well with charisma, again, you are set.

If you want to continue to stay an interesting person, I would highly recommend to keeping up to date and well informed on the things that are happening around the world. So if somebody asks you something that's like a current event, you know how to back yourself up and you have an opinion on it. The other thing is to stay curious and learn continuously because the more knowledge that you have on different topics, the more people that you can talk to and actually have meaningful things to say. You can even make a little list on your notes or on a piece of paper and think about all the topics that you know a lot about and that if someone asked you about, you would be able to confidently speak and maybe even passionately speak about.

Because if you know what you're good at and you're confident in those topics, if those topics ever come out in conversation, you can pull out all your knowledge and tell people what you really know because they're going to look at you and say, "Damn, that girl knows a lot. I want to keep talking to her. She's actually really smart and she's really captivating and I want to hear more about what she has to say." Be open to learning new ideas, new perspectives, and having more experiences. All of that will make you a more interesting person. And when people come and talk to you, they might even want to ask you about all the things that you've been up to that they've been seeing.

You can also read more books, watch more TV shows, stay up to date with maybe things that are happening on social media, pop culture, whatever it may be. The more that you know, the more that you have to talk about. I think that this is especially evident when if I talk to like another influencer or something, I know so much about YouTube and the knowledge behind being successful on social media. Like, I could talk about that subject forever, and I'm very, very, very passionate about it.

And can I just tell you guys, I have had multiple people, which sounds kind of funny, but I have had conversations in real life where we start talking about YouTube, we start talking about growth tips and like how to be successful online, and I'll tell people my knowledge because I, when I tell you guys, I have studied these topics. And by studied, I just mean like, I'm obsessed with the topic, so I'll look into it a lot. I'll analyze what I do. I'll watch different videos on how to be a better content creator or all this kind of stuff. Or maybe it's even health, and I know a lot about these topics.

When someone gets me talking about that, I can talk very passionately about it, and I will go off. I will say everything that I need to say, and I know that I know a lot about it, so I can give people value if they ask me questions about it. And many times I have gotten told, "Wow, you're actually like kind of smart. Damn, you're actually kind of like wise. You know a lot about this." And in my head, I'm like, "Well, obviously, like, what?" But if people see you as like a pretty face or they don't know much about you, and then when they get to know you and you know a lot about a topic, it is extremely impressive, and it takes people by surprise.

So knowing a lot about certain things can be very beneficial to you. And if you think that you don't know enough about certain things, make a list of the things that you want to learn and start reading books about it, start looking at articles, be curious, and look up things even on your phone if it's on Google. If you don't know about it and you want to learn about it, because I always do that. And if I hear something in a conversation, I'll write it down in my notes, I'll look it up later, I'll do my little research, and you end up learning a lot more.

The other thing is, a lot of times in conversations, people start talking about movies and TV shows, and I know that this tip is evident because I don't really watch TV shows. I don't really watch movies. I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know about like Hollywood actors and actresses. I really don't. And when those topics come up, I am silent. I have nothing to say because I don't know anything about it, and I almost feel ashamed because someone will say, "Oh, have you seen this show?" And I have to say, "Uh, no, I haven't." "Oh, um, do you know this actress?" And I have to say, "No, I haven't." And it's a little bit awkward, not going to lie. It's awkward when you don't know anything about a topic. So brush up on things. Brush up on things that are relevant, and you will never run out of things to say.

Now, again, for the other person, if you're trying to be interested in them, ask them questions that they are passionate about and have active listening throughout the conversation to pick up on things that you just heard them say so that you can ask about them later. If for some reason they brought up that they're in like a 10-year relationship, you can later ask, "Oh, so about your boyfriend, like, how are you guys doing?" Whatever. If they tell you they're super passionate about playing soccer and they do that on their free time, maybe ask them about soccer, etc. Learn things about other people, pick up on them, and then ask them about it.

The next tip when you're talking to someone is to practice social intelligence and being able to show empathy when they are telling the story. This is a really important skill because being able to relate to other people, to sympathize with other people, to understand what they're saying, it goes a long way, and it makes them feel very valued. It also builds a sense of connection and trust, which is extremely important when you're trying to build relationships.

Next up, storytelling and engaging communication. My tips for this would be when you're telling a story, dramatize it. It can make the story funnier, it can make it more engaging. You can have pauses while you're telling the story, you can use your hands, you can use facial expressions. The more expressive that you are with your stories, the more the other person is going to be inclined to listen, and they're going to be entertained during that conversation.

I've actually been told when I was in New York that I'm a very animated person, which kind of makes me, I was like, "What?" I was honestly really thrown back by that comment, but I really like that comment because I would rather be an animated person when telling a story than someone who is extremely boring and has nothing to give. It also makes other people want to listen to you. And I think that's especially why in YouTube videos or podcasts or whatever, it's important to have this skill if you want your watch time to be longer, to be higher, to have people on the other side of the screen want to continue listening to you. That is something that, yes, you can have naturally as a trait, but it is also something that you can learn and something that you can practice because when I tell you the way that I speak in my videos and my podcasts, I have learned to speak this way. I did not start like this by any means when I first started my channel, but it has been one of my most valuable traits as a content creator to take.

Me this far in my career. Another tip is to have a positive attitude and energy.

If you want to listen to my podcast on how to eliminate negative thoughts and to become an optimistic person, I highly recommend listening to it. It's the one right before this one. I talk all about how being a more positive and optimistic person can help you in so many situations, and I highly recommend listening to it because it ties into this topic.

Being able to cultivate a positive attitude and positive energy, and being an enthusiastic person where you approach situations with optimism, and you can maintain a positive demeanor as well as spread positivity, will make you vibe at such a high frequency that people will have no other option than to feel attracted to you, to feel magnetized by you. And if you're trying to get a date, if you're trying to attract a bunch of uh potential, what do you want to call it? I don't know, I don't know, love interest, people, what's the word? Like people. Anyways, if you have a high vibration, you will attract people no matter what the case. So use that to your advantage. Be a positive soul. I assure you that you will have people that want to be with you because you make them feel good. Nobody wants to be around people that make them feel like nobody wants to hire someone that is a bad vibe and that is hard to get along with. Everybody wants to work with people that are pleasant and lovely.

Having this magnetic presence will demand attention on you whether you like it or not. And again, maybe you're shy, maybe you don't want this type of spotlight effect on you. But if you do want it and you are okay with having it, it can be very beneficial. I wanted to add in here a quote that I found online that says that it's important to note that charisma is not solely reserved for extroverted or outgoing individuals. People with different personality types can possess charisma, which they are able to express in their own unique ways. And also, it is a trait that can be developed and enhanced through self-awareness, practice, and the cultivation of effective communication and interpersonal skills.

The last theme that I want to go in when you're talking to all these different types of people is the ability to be able to match other people's energy, and not only that, but also influence the energy of the room. When you are practicing becoming a little socialite, a little social butterfly, you may notice that you meet a lot of different people's personalities, and some don't vibe with you. Some people have way different energies, and I think a very important skill that you can learn is to be aware of other people's energy and to read people's body language and their facial expressions so that you know how to assimilate to be just like them. You kind of have to be a little bit of a chameleon. And that is not to say that you need to change your personality, hide your personality. No, I am not saying that by any means. But I think that this is a trait, especially that Libras are really good at. If you're able to look around you, observe what people are doing, how people are acting, how people are carrying themselves, and you are able to match that energy, people will like you even more because people like people who are like them. Does that make sense? You need to be able to be adaptable and flexible to the energy of the room and the different personalities that you're going to be encountering. And this way, you can become friends or you can make connections with a really wide range of people without having to compromise certain people because they don't necessarily match your vibe.

For example, if I'm talking to someone and I'm usually a very high energy person, and they are very mellow and calm, I'm not going to go up to them with my loudest, most energetic voice because they're probably not even going to like me just from my tone and energy. I would have to lower my voice, maybe talk a lot slower, not ask so many questions, just match their vibe. The same way that if I go and talk to someone who is super energetic, they're super positive and laughing and talkative and using all this slang, I'm probably going to act just like them so that they get my vibe and that I'm just like them.

And lastly, the most important thing that I want to talk about is that when you're trying to become friends or to talk to a whole bunch of different people, a very wide group of people, one of the most valuable things that you can do is to be able to find common grounds with them. By this, I mean finding something in common with the other person and something that you can both relate on so that you can both talk about it, and there isn't a weird uh mismatch of energies or personalities. And obviously, this is most easily done when you guys have shared experiences, you have mutual friends, uh, you both just came back from a trip, etc., etc. If you guys have something in common, it's so easy to ask questions about each other's experiences on that. And if you don't have anything like that, you can also think of unique ways to find common grounds with them, whether that be through common goals or values. Maybe you can ask them what they're working on, maybe it's something similar to you, or maybe you guys are both going through tough times or challenges that you both have experiences in, and then you can give them your advice, or you can ask them for their advice. I think that's also a big one. If you ask other people for help or for advice, they're going to feel like you really value their opinions and what they have to say, and they're going to like you for that. They're going to feel needed, which is, I think, what everybody wants to feel from time to time. You also may have a shared sense of humor, which I think is a great one, or maybe you have a shared hobby that you can both talk about. Anyways, you get the point. Find some common ground with them and discuss it together. I think all of these are opportunities to bond with the other person, which is automatically going to make you feel closer to them.

And then to wrap it up from your conversation or your interaction with this other person, if one, you see them looking around, or they're starting to drift off in conversation, they're starting to not ask any questions, you get the vibe that they want to exit the conversation, don't be afraid to let them leave. You know, if they get the vibe that they want to leave, just end it off right there. And I think the easiest way that you can say it is you can initiate the end of that conversation and say, "Okay, well, it was so nice talking to you. I'm going to go get a drink, or I'm going to go to the bathroom. Um, I'll see you around. It was so nice talking to you." And then hug and leave. Easy as that. End off the conversation. I feel like a lot of people have struggles with this where they don't know how to end the conversation. And you can end it when you feel the vibe that it's over. Sometimes if it's gone for too long, or one person is less engaged than the other, it's just best to leave it than to drag it on for a little bit too long.

I think one of the best things that you can do to maintain relationships with these people, and not just have a good conversation with them one night and that's where it ends off, is to follow up with them. You can send them a text, you can send them a DM, a message, a swipe up on their story, say, "It was so nice meeting you. I had such a great conversation with you. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. We should totally go for coffee. We should hang out." Whatever it may be. Doing that will make the other person feel so grateful that you valued their time for that conversation, and it'll make them feel special because not everybody does this. So again, if you do this, you are going to stand out, and they're probably going to like you even more for that. You're going to get some brownie points. And also, if you genuinely care about the other person, this is vital to do so that you can keep having conversations with this person, so that you can keep hanging out with them, and so that it can develop into something further than just someone that you met on a random night.

Last, last, last thing I want to say. I've been literally talking for so long. I'm scared. If you guys are interested in this topic further, some books that I think that you should read is "How to Win Friends and Influence People." That's a great book. I was just reading it earlier today. There's also these two books that I haven't read, but that I heard are really good. The first one is "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini, and the second one is "The Charisma Myth: The Art and Science of Personal Magnetism" by Olivia Fox Cabane. But yeah, oh my God, I have been talking for so long. I hope that this made sense. I hope that you enjoyed this. I hope that you feel my passion for this topic across the screen. I literally love talking to people. I love learning about new people. I love having new experiences. My challenge for you is that this week, you play around with your social Rizz and you go talk to someone new, or you go make a new friend, or you put yourself out there because you never know where it's going to take you, and you don't know what doors it can open up for you.

So that's all I have for you guys today. Make sure you give this podcast a rating on Apple and Spotify. Make sure that you're subscribed to the Better You YouTube channel. Make sure you follow me @abetteryoubyfernand on Instagram, and follow up with me because I love you guys and I love talking, and I've talked for way too long. Bye guys. I love you.