Transcription
So let's talk about red flags in men. So if you're dating someone or in a relationship with someone and he does these things, then it might be time to look the other way.
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Hey guys, welcome back. If you're new here, my name is Jills and I help women step into their power and become their best selves, live their best lives. So if that's something you want to do, you should subscribe and stick around.
So I've got 14 red flags for you guys today, which is kind of a lot. But I was writing an outline for this video with my phone and I just kept thinking of so many, and I didn't want to trim the list down anymore. You know, I feel like there's a lot of red flags out there, and this isn't going to be the obvious stuff like he's flirting with other girls or he forgets your birthday. It's the good stuff. So here are the 14 red flags that you should never ignore in men. But remember, before I dive in, that you are deserving of a good man and a good life partner. Don't keep someone around just because you feel like you won't get any better. You attract what you think you deserve. Okay, let's get into it.
So number one is the "I don't know" man. And what is the "I don't know" man, you ask? It's this: "What are your career goals?" "I don't know." "Well, what do you want for the future?" "I don't know." "What do you want for dinner?" "I don't know." "What movie do you want to watch?" "I don't know." "What are you looking for in a relationship?" "I don't know." It's the man who can't make up his mind and lacks decisiveness and intention. It's the man who doesn't think about his future or what he wants. It's the man who, even though he probably doesn't even realize it, is looking for someone to lead him. If you are a feminine woman, then this is likely something that's not gonna make you happy, and it's not a good quality for a life partner. When you're with someone like this, and when you're with someone that's just like, you know, really passive about things, that means that you are the one who's gonna have to step up all the time, and that is a hard no. You might be a nice guy, but this relationship will just be incredibly unfulfilling and probably lack a lot of passion.
Number two is that he says all of his exes were crazy. This always makes me laugh. This is a huge red flag. At some point, you think that he would maybe take a step back and think, "Hey, what's the one commonality in all of these situations? What's the one thing that stays the same in every single relationship? Oh, it's me." If a man thinks all of his exes are crazy, then I think that it's either one of three situations. One, he's probably just very disrespectful towards women in general. He's likely very, very disregarding of their valid emotions and feelings and needs, and he probably just doesn't understand women very well, and that makes him feel bad about himself as a man, and so he says that they're all crazy. Two, sometimes there are just crazy people out in the world, like they do exist. Maybe all of his exes are crazy, but in that case, he's probably not a very good judge of character, or maybe he's just very crazy and toxic himself. Or three, he has somehow made all of these girls feel crazy or feel utterly insane because of how irritating he is. So in all three situations, not good. Best to avoid. You also don't want someone who talks about other people in a negative way. You want someone with high integrity. That is so important. If you develop a deep, intimate relationship with this man and you break up a year later, is he gonna go talking about you behind your back and calling you crazy? Is he gonna reveal all of the intimate details that you told him in confidence? It's possible.
Now, a big red flag, not just in men, but in everyone, is that they can't ever apologize. They can't ever own up to it when they do something wrong, and they never take fault for anything. This will be a person that will be incredibly hard to have as a life partner. It is just not conducive to a healthy relationship, and it will lead to anger, resentment, and just feeling very misunderstood, undervalued, and unloved. Everyone makes mistakes. Even the most perfect person in the whole entire world makes mistakes. A red flag is not that a man made a little mistake. A red flag is that he can't recognize it, own up to it, and just have the emotional maturity to say, "Oops, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."
So you might not be able to notice this next red flag until you like, really get to know him better, but it's very important to notice. How does he act when he gets angry? Does he express his anger in healthy ways? Is he still respectful to you or whoever else is involved? Can he handle himself in these moments? It is totally okay for a man to feel upset or angry. His emotions are valid. But does he do this in a mature way, or is he totally immature and disrespectful? Does he yell at you? Does he say rude things that you'd normally never hear him say? Does he do reckless things when he's angry? This is a big no and won't make for a good life partner. You want to be able to fully trust and depend on him. If you want to get married one day, maybe you even want to have kids one day, how will he react when they do something wrong? What kind of example will he be setting?
And just a side note, when a man is upset or you guys are having an argument, if he respectfully excuses himself and says that he wants to come back to this conversation later, a lot of women can feel really triggered by that because it can make them feel like they're being abandoned. But this is actually quite healthy and mature. A lot of women love to talk about things, especially in the moment, but men sometimes need time to process their thoughts and kind of calm down a little bit. And so you might feel really bad in that moment and like you're feeling abandoned, but him doing this can actually be a huge sign of maturity and that he has the self-awareness to realize what he needs.
Next red flag in men. I'm just gonna say it. This is just my opinion. 98% of the time, men can't just be totally platonic friends with a woman. I do think that it is easier for women to be friends with men, but not necessarily the other way around. And don't get me wrong, I have male friends, but the differentiating factor here is that they are all closer with my husband. We don't just plan things regularly to go hang out alone. That would be very weird. I think that if a man chooses to try to keep his ex as a friend, it's a red flag. There's usually a reason he wants to keep her around. Of course, to every rule, there are always exceptions. Like maybe your families are best family friends and they're gonna see each other all the time, and you know, they want to be on good terms. That makes sense. Maybe they work in the same professional environment, sometimes it's obviously best to be on good terms. Or maybe he was previously married, had kids, and you know, got divorced. It's obviously ideal to be on good terms with your ex-partner, the mother of your children, and to have a sort of like healthy, respectful relationship. Being on good terms with someone, though, is one thing, that's fine. But being like, legit friends, that's generally not a good sign in my opinion.
Next is when his actions don't align with his words. If he says one thing and then never, ever follows through on it. If he says that he really likes you, but he puts in absolutely zero effort. Actions speak louder than words. Trust his actions over what he says. We also don't particularly want a man who's not in alignment and doesn't do what he says. Again, people make mistakes sometimes, and that is okay. But if this is a pattern, like you're seeing this behavior over and over again, then that is not conducive to a healthy relationship. You'll lack trust in him, you won't feel his love and devotion to you, and you'll always be questioning things. So it's best to avoid these types of men.
Now, number seven, just to be clear for anyone new, this channel is for feminine women who are interested in more masculine partners. So the number seven red flag is that he doesn't pay on the first date. Now, if this was me, I wouldn't go out with him again. This shows that he's not in his masculine energy and he doesn't have that protector provider mentality. It's a very clear indicator of that, and that he's not willing to make even a small investment to see if you guys could potentially have a beautiful future together. But here's the thing, men don't want to feel like they're being taken advantage of. So in my opinion, I do think it's kind to offer to split the check, and then hopefully he will say, "No, no, I've got this," and you don't argue or try again at that point. You just receive and say thank you. I know some people have different opinions on this, but I think on a first date, never mentioning the check can kind of sometimes come off rude. Of course, there are exceptions. Like sometimes you gotta read the room, you know? Like sometimes he makes it very clear that he wants to pay, and if that's the case, that's great. Just of course be appreciative. But if he doesn't pay for you, at least you get clarity that he's probably not the right man for you. Because if you're looking for a masculine partner specifically, then this is a red flag.
Another red flag, especially for things like the first few dates, is that he never asks you any questions about yourself. He should be interested in getting to know you and not just talking about himself for two hours. He should want to know about things like, "How do you like to spend your free time?" "Where did you grow up?" "Oh, you saw that movie too? What did you think of it?" It doesn't need to be these super deep questions. He doesn't need to be asking you about your childhood traumas. There just needs to be effort there in getting to know you and wanting to know your thoughts. However, this does not mean that he should totally bombard you with questions and make you feel like you're in an interview. It should just be clear that he has a real interest in getting to know you.
Now, next, if he never makes plans to see you, like never plans things out in advance with you, another red flag. If he's just shooting you a text like, "Hey, going out with my boys in an hour to the bar, you want to join?" Or if it's 9 or 10 p.m. and he texts you like, "Hey, I'm about to watch a movie at my place, want to come?" That's not good enough. If that is the only sort of communication that you're having with this man, then he is not really interested in you. Time to move on and not spend any more energy on that person. It should be more like, "Hey, are you available this weekend? I'd love to take you out to dinner or something." "This new movie just came out, do you want to see it with me on Friday?" That's what we're looking for. If he's not planning things in advance with you, again, he's probably just not really interested in you and he's just keeping you around. Definitely a red flag. It's best to focus your energy elsewhere. Also, just to be clear, I'm not saying that he can never text you last minute for something fun. That's not what I'm saying. But if that is the only sort of communication that's happening, then again, red flag.
The 10th red flag is that he takes way too long to call or text you back. Now, obviously, of course, there are always exceptions. Like maybe he's on a camping trip and he doesn't really have service, or he has a really important work function that day, or he's just really busy at work. But like, in general, if he's taking forever to get back to you, like that is a pattern that you're recognizing, then you're probably an afterthought. You don't want to be an afterthought.
Next red flag in men is when he clearly can't take care of his things. If his home is a disaster, if his sheets are clearly never really changed regularly, if his clothes have stains all over them, if his car is always messy and dirty, if his dog is never brushed or never walked, it's not a good sign. This just shows a lack of responsibility, a lack of maturity, and a lack of discipline, all traits that are not very good for a potential partner. If you can't take care of those things, how do you think he's going to care for you? How do you think he's going to care for your future kids one day, if you want them? How do you think he's going to care for the home that you guys own together one day? Probably not very good. He's likely not gonna change, and you don't want to be his mother. Now, he doesn't have to be obsessed with cleanliness and organization to be a good person or a good partner. Let's be real, most men are a little bit messier than women in general, and that's okay. We all have our strengths. But there is a big difference between having a junk drawer in the kitchen and maybe leaving some clothes out in the bedroom sometimes versus a dirty nightmare.
Another red flag that I think is very important to notice is if he makes condescending or sarcastic jokes at your expense. Here's the thing, every joke has a hint of truth. So if he's doing this, he likely has some underlying insecurities or has some negative energy towards you, even if he doesn't even realize it. And this person will not make for a very good teammate. And you want a partner that is devoted to you, sees the best in you, and always lifting you up. After almost 13 years of being in a relationship with someone, I can't tell you how important this is. All these are are tiny little insults that he passes off as jokes, and that's not okay. Even like backhanded compliments, it's all the same thing. There is no point in having a partner around if he is not lifting you up and adding value to your life.
Now, this next red flag is more so if you have been in a relationship with this person for a while, like several months or something. I think it's a red flag after being his girlfriend for at least a little while if he never posts any photos of you on his social media. Now, of course, some guys don't have social media, or they had one, but they don't really use it anymore. Like, you know, it's still on the internet, but he just doesn't ever log in anymore, he doesn't ever use it, he doesn't ever post photos anymore. So in that case, if he's not posting a photo of you, that is totally fine. It's in line with his normal behavior. And honestly, I love a man that's not very active on social media. I think in general that that's a good thing. But if he's normally on social media and if he's regularly posting photos after you guys being together for months, and he has never once posted a photo of you guys together, that screams red flag to me. That sounds like he might not want to put it out there for some reason. Again, if he's never posting photos on social media, then that's fine. You can just ignore this point. But if he is posting photos of him out with the boys, and him holding a fish, and him with his dog, but never a picture of you guys together, there's probably a real lack of commitment there.
And last but not least, probably one of the most important red flags of them all, if something in your gut feels off about him, don't ignore it. Your intuition is very smart. Your intuition knows more than you think it does. Don't discount these feelings that you have, even if it seems like on paper everything's going good.
Now, those are all the red flags. Of course, there's more that exists. And if you have any, share them below in the comments. But if you want to know what makes a high-value man, go check out this video. Is he marriage material? 10 traits of a high-value man. Instead of talking about what we should be avoiding, let's talk about what we want to attract into our life. So I will see you over there, or I will just see you next time. Bye.