Transcription
Oh, [ __ ]. Subject is 25 and appears to [ __ ].
"Get back here." "How do I look?"
Hey, I was going to fix my [ __ ] up, but I'm a comedian, so who cares? Ezek goofy. Oh. Oh. Pencil neck [ __ ]. Hey, at least I ain't pencil dick. What an intro. What an intro. That's how we're starting. Like a [ __ ] goofball, bro. My homie Frankie, it's a little late. He's had trouble. He [ __ ] his pants, bro. So, we're doing the intro. I, I usually do the intro after the show. So, it's You didn't need to know any of this, but I told you everything behind the scenes. I need to put a little meth under the eyes. Okay, let's do the promo here. Whoopsy Daisy tour continued. It's about to switch. We taped the special. We're going to tape it March 20th. You missed it. It's sold out. Standby list. Few tickets left. Is this going to be okay?
"March 19th, that's pretty much sold out. Few tickets left. You missed it."
Sacramento, we're adding shows. So, Thursday, late night Thursday and probably Sunday coming soon. Corpus Christi, which I just found out means the body of Christ. So, I take back my last comments. I don't know if you're an avid listener, but I was like, "That sounds sick. What's happening over there?" Sounds like it means the body of Christ. Also, too, the body of Christ. How about we just smoke a joint with that fool? Why we got to eat his flesh? That sounds so like, you know what it sounds like. This is not, you know, let's just smoke. Drink some ayahuasca. Put the wine away. Put the wine away. Drink some mushroom tea with Jesus. Corpus Christine. This is a weird intro. Anyways, Denver, Colorado, April 16th, 17th, 18th, I believe. One of those shows is sold out. Get your tickets now. Miami, Florida. What's up? Let's go get some Kubano sandwiches, fool. You got, you know, you got different Latinos down there. I need to study more. I'm ignorant. But I love you. I love you. Come to the show. Come to the show. Wear your jewelry. You do cocaine. Talk during the whole thing. I don't give a [ __ ].
"Okay, that was rude, Craig. It happened last time you were there. That's why I said it. Nice people though. They bought hoodies, I tell you that much."
Fort Worth, Texas. Greenville, South Carolina. By the way, I love Fort Worth. That's some good Mexican food right there. Mama Lou over there. Mama Lou, she's made. She brings me food every show. She's fantastic. She has a kitchen out there and shop. Oh my god. Best food I've ever had. Go check her out. Check her [ __ ] out. Made with love. Deliciousness. Just that homecooked [ __ ]. I'm tired of this fast food [ __ ]. Keep eating your McDonald's. Eating, eating those humans. Just joking. Don't sue me. It's satire. Greenville, South Carolina. San Francisco. Good food there, too. A lot of homeless, though. Hey, Newsom. How about you stop sniffing blow and you fix that [ __ ] you [ __ ] [ __ ]?
"Yeah, this is an intro. That's how you do it. [ __ ] you, Newsom. [ __ ] boy. Nepo scammer. He took all the money. What was that? Six billion for homeless. He saved 11 of them. Did I'm not even joking. It's something [ __ ] laughable."
"It was so horrific. So I was like, 'Oh, it took a hundred million for each one.'"
"Interesting. Look at the books. Don't be mad at me. Or your drink your little liberal Kool-Aid. [ __ ] them all across the board. Tupac West Side. Jesus Christ, [ __ ] [ __ ] you, pedals."
Okay, back to the intro. Charlotte, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Las Vegas, Nevada, Seattle, Washington. Many, many, many, many more to come. We're missing a bunch. We should go to the calendar. You should write them all. The ticket links aren't there yet, so they don't want me. It's like, who cares? Let them know.
"Oh, you don't you want people to know?"
"Yeah, because the ticket links are coming soon. And they keep asking me. I'm like, why am I just don't have the I don't have the."
"I could put it all on the the little graphic on the side of the screen right now if you want."
"Put them all ticket links. That'll make my managers and agents move faster. Get me my ticket link."
"Gotcha."
"You can't say tickets without a ticket link."
Today's guest is my man Frankie Konz. Absolutely hilarious. I love this [ __ ]. He's a real one. He had the hit show This Fool on Hulu. He's doing movies and [ __ ]. He just did a project with Tom Segura. He's killing it. He's selling out all over. He has his own show he made himself. That reminds me of uh uh Pee-wee's uh Playhouse, but on acid. Maybe not what Pee-wee's Playhouse was on.
"It reminds me of Pee-wee's Playhouse, but like [ __ ] Cholo style. It's awesome. Check out his show."
"Uh, his special on Hulu as well."
"Or one of them. Netflix. Hulu. Hulu. I said Hulu. Hulu. Voodoo. You voodoo. Hulu. Lulu. My cousin's name Lulu. She socked me in the back of the head. I threw a wig on the roof. My bad, man. My bad. I don't do drugs, kids. Hi, Dma. She never comes in. Look at Thema."
"Is that a new hoodie?"
"Yeah, this is my new hoodie. I'll get on the website soon. It's just me over here working out of the garage. Sorry, guys. Be patient. Just be patient. I'll get it out there. I'm sorry. I love you. Thanks for the love. Um, back to Frankie. Uh, sold out shows. He's on TV, movies, selling out theaters, on the road. Cholo Fit Creeper, his characters, his, uh, sketch crew. The man's dope as [ __ ]. And he's right here right now. Kitty cat. Kitty cat. Remember Shine? Bad boys. Isn't that fun? You know how serious you are. I'm important. I sell stocks. How about you go outside and you go and see what happens? You're going to be like, 'That was that was kind of fun.' Or you're going to be embarrassed and just go inside and go, 'I hate myself. Daddy wouldn't let me be free. Now I sell stocks. I'm important.' No, you're not, [ __ ]. You're a fart in the wind. You're going to die. If you're going to die, then what's left? Your shitty energy. You yelled at your children too much, didn't you? Shut up. That's enough about the juice boxes, huh? No. You can't yell at them. You just got to shake the [ __ ] out of them. These are jokes, folks. Relax. I got goddamn cat hair in my mouth. Ski. Oh, is he here? He's here. Oh, Frankie. Frankie, get rolling. We got to do an hour, bro. You smooth. You're sober. Sober."
"Good man."
"Over the golf."
"Good man. I won't. I'll just hit the pile of [ __ ] to you cuz you're like, 'I've been sober four years.'"
"No, I'm not. I say I."
"And then you be like, 'Oh, but I do acid and mushroom stuff, man. I ain't sober.'"
"Hey, man. Papa didn't RAISE NO [ __ ]. NO, I'm kidding, folks. I I uh Yeah, it's Let me get ready. Let me get my Let me get my [ __ ] right. No, I I preach it."
"I love sharing the Yeah. the partying stories with you. [ __ ] me."
"I I preach it in my hour cuz I don't I don't want to be a fraud or a phony or frontster, whatever."
"But everybody Yeah."
"Yeah. I say."
"Well, when you go from being a tweaker, homie,"
"to like not doing tweak, that's like, you know, all right, you're sober. Well, I'll tell you I'll tell you my whole story real quick. Synapse. I was 100% sober for nine years. So, I did I did a chunk and then [ __ ] happened. I started plants, little weed."
"And then I discovered ayahuasca and but that's my whole [ __ ]. Plant medicine only. God made it. If God made it, don't I [ __ ] on my own line. I can't even remember it. You know what I'm saying? God made is good."
"And then in my act, I say, 'Did you know whiskey and cocaine comes from the devil's dick hole?' I'm just silly, but like that's my thoughts on that. And what was that? I've been on weed a while now. Jesus. Four years."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"At least."
"I feel like you."
"You went through a little phase to where you like slowed down on it."
"Oh, I definitely."
"Well, last time we had this deep talk, you were like, 'I'm smoking too much weed right now.'"
"I do pause. I pump the brakes."
"Cuz I get out of hand even with the weed."
"Well, they just give it to me, Frankie. They just give me ungodly amounts."
"But you got to take."
"I still I still take it because I give it to my mom and dad. My mom and dad blow trees, you know."
"I used to give it to my my producer, my my family. Now I just um."
"My dad likes edibles and my mom likes smoking it."
"My dad likes edibles. My mom does not smoke at all. But uh they all like edibles. They don't like smoke. I like I like this the the flower. No vape though. The flower."
What's up, my man? Look at this guy, dude. This fool rolled up with a posi and some bags and a bicycle. That's the funniest [ __ ] ever.
"My little low rider bike over here."
"He's flying out tonight. You're a trooper, bro. Anyways, thanks for coming down here."
"Nah, thanks for having me, homie."
"We were listening to Shine before you got here, bad boy."
"We're bumping that [ __ ]."
"Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Jesus. What else? Any questions? No. I was a silly goose for a minute. What were we doing? We're humming. Oh, I just got stretched out by the human garage. Do you see those fools?"
"Oh, yeah. I saw you uh."
"Well, I saw you talking about it and I was interested, homie. They get out like trauma. I got a lot of trauma in my life. So, you know, get up those knots out."
"Oh, yeah. Bro, that [ __ ] was crazy. It's a fascia trauma release. It's."
"Wait, wait, what? Fascia?"
"I think fascia. Fascia."
"Fascia trauma release."
"We're not fascists, we're fascia."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"Um, they just It's crazy."
"Oh, what a trip. Oh, fascia. Yeah. Uh, so I guess not I guess there's scientists uh with stuff backing this [ __ ] up, but you most your trauma is stored in your your muscles, your your body, your fascia, and they uh they release it. It feels like a psychedelic experience, but it's not. It's it's it's like at least for me anyways, it was almost a little like flashbacky."
"Um, you tingle. It's just gnarly. Hard to explain. Everybody keeps asking me questions on the internet. I get annoyed. I'm sorry."
"I'm like, I don't know. It's good. Like, what is it called? Like, ah."
"Like, look it up, homie."
"Google them. I'm the comic. I'm the guy screaming and crying. Google the guys that are making me cry."
"Uh, no. It's just cool that like when they did the chess [ __ ] that [ __ ] opened up. That's when the tears flowed. My heart shock round. But they uh just follow the lines of the pressure points or whatever it is and they and they pop it. It's almost like."
"It feels."
"They pop it."
"No. Yeah. They release the knots."
"I guess."
"Yeah. Cuz I Well, I I was getting educated on that a little bit, homie. When I was, you know, going through [ __ ] but uh they say that like those knots from your trauma could, if you don't deal with them, they could manufacture into a disease and [ __ ]."
"Cancer. Absolutely. Stress. It's [ __ ]."
"Um, Yeah. Fascial maneuvers. Yeah, absolutely stretch. I don't know what it's called either. They I call it the human garage. I just those fools crack me up. Um, but yeah, that's that's good news in my opinion. People are like, 'I don't know.' I'm like, 'You're taking pills for 10 years. You mean what do you mean you don't know? You don't want to stretch?'"
"Right. Right."
"You don't want to stretch. You're scared of the stretching. You're taking a [ __ ] pill, you know, made of what?"
"Who knows? Who."
"Knows?"
"You know, I always trip out on pills is cuz."
"I I'm hesitant to like take pills. Even like a Tylenol, whatever. But."
"I'll take cocaine."
"All that, homie. I I would chop it up, snort it. I'll snort Xanax. But as soon as it's like, wait."
"Wait. Aspirin."
"Or like a doctor prescribed pill that doesn't get you [ __ ] up. I'm like, 'Well, what's in here, homie?'"
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
"Man, I sniffed Molly one time. My nose just bled at a party. We like kick back. And I turn around this blood and everyone was like, 'Ah.' And then everybody did it after me. Nobody, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Nobody was like, 'Go clean up. Get out of here. You're killing the vibe, man.' I was like."
"Pink musical notes were my jam, bro. Remember the press pills back in the day?"
"Yeah. Green a green. It was a green Tweety bird that."
"That was your guy."
"Yeah. It was like there was a home the homie of mine. He kept trying to get me to do it, you know."
"Yeah."
"And he was all into going to like the underground in the fashion district in downtown LA. He'd be there."
"And he's like, 'Come on, man. You got to come here.' Nah. Nah. You know."
"Yeah."
"And finally he got me to do it. He lined up like he was dating this girl and she had a home girl and we just did like."
"It's every time, bro."
"Yeah. And I was like, 'All right, but we got bunk pills, homie.'"
"All that I felt was like the tip of my fingers get tingly and like, 'Man, this ecstasy [ __ ] ain't shit.' You know, and he's like, 'No, we got bunk pills.' Like, trust me. So, so I didn't want to I didn't want to [ __ ] with it for like a long time. And then."
"And then finally, and then he got me to do it again."
"Yeah."
"And then I was like, same thing. I was feeling the tingling, but then I was in the homie's living room and he was he was spinning records. And then next thing you know, bro, I'm giving myself like a leg massage like."
"I was working out my fascia for sure, homie. And then the homie comes in say, 'You feel that shit?' I'm like, 'Yes, homie.'"
"Oh, my cracking after that, dog."
"Damn. Yeah. That's like hap is a is like the It was the best of times. It was the worst of times."
"That [ __ ] was fun. I ain't going to front. But it's the devil. You know where it leads."
"Oh yeah."
"Leads to booger sugar and booze."
"And then you watch the sun rise and then you go, 'Oh god.'"
"Oh, that [ __ ] jaw movement. I see cokehead kids now. It makes me so sad. I just go, 'Oh."
"Yeah."
"Is that judging them? But I used to be them. I'm so sick."
"I know. That's why I'm But it's like."
"If anybody shouldn't judge it."
"It's not judging it. Actually, it like hurts. I'm like I go like, 'Oh."
"Yeah. I go, 'Oh, no, man. Get out.' That's actually I don't judge. That's my true."
"Yeah. You're more concerned."
"I'm like, 'No, you're going to die.'"
"But you can't make the assumption that they're doing that all the time. They might just be coked out for that night and that's their little one night a month. They're like, 'I don't normally do this.' Nobody visits this world."
"That's why you got to sprinkle in a little ketamine, homie. So you don't jack your jaw like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah."
"Oh, don't do drugs, kid. But how long you been sober? Let's talk about that a little bit. If you don't want it, we don't have to."
"Nah, you don't have It's all good on me. Uh, over a year, you know."
"[ __ ] yeah. That's the hardest one."
"Like 418 days or something like that. You know, I had little chunks before that. Before I was like."
"You were always battling. I saw you."
"I was battling, homie, and then I would be like, 'Wow, maybe I could just drink, you know, and."
"I be like, 'Yeah, Frankie's good.' Then all of a sudden, he's sweating a little bit."
"Like, 'Hey, homie. What's up? Good to see you, dog. I [ __ ] love. Hey, proud of your success, Craig. Everything we've been through, homie. Rubbing your back and [ __ ] Like, 'Hey, homie. Love you, too.'"
"I knew you were going to blow up, dude. I [ __ ]. It's all It's so funny, bro."
"Yeah. No, it's the best though, dude. Sobriety is longevity."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know. Yeah. You gotta get out, homie. Or, you know, the way we were partying."
"Yeah."
"But Yeah. Yeah. I just I just had to figure it out. I was like."
"I was so blessed. I I say in the in the tweet in the old joke, but like my I'm so happy that like my finances didn't weren't there yet when I was a drug addict."
"Yeah."
"Cuz I would have been [ __ ] kaput, bro. I just got goosebumps cuz I had no money. You can't afford it. How can you how can you OD if you can't afford it? Joke."
"Thankfully, I mean, when I start when I started making money is what got me in trouble because I would just do, you know, I tried meth. I tried, you know, I swallowed her and smoked heroin. I like, but none of they didn't really get me like that, you know, like I wasn't like stealing from my mom's purse or nothing like that. But."
"It was when I had money, it was got me in trouble, you know, and then I just I would always party though, homie. Like, but I would get go on a bender like once a month, you know, and then just be like, 'All right, like."
"That's it. It's all I can afford or whatever.' Just."
"And then once Yeah. Once a pandemic hit and I already had money."
"Oh [ __ ]."
"And let's party shelter in place."
"Yeah."
"That's when I started smoking. That was my way like, 'Okay, I'm I'mma fall, but let me fall a little bit.'"
"Yeah."
"Not like Yeah. But that's dude. Yeah. It's just if he got the bug, he got the bug. [ __ ] don't know like if they're normal, you know?"
"Yeah. Yeah."
"These normies don't get it."
"My cousin Ruben, he would be so to see the frustration in his eyes."
"Yeah."
"Like, JUST DON'T PICK IT UP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? JUST don't pick it up. It's not an option."
"I'M LIKE, YOU DON'T GET IT, HOMIE. LIKE, there's a [ __ ] thing in my brain that's like, no, you need this in your body."
"I do it in other ways. I'm still an addict, but at least it's for like, bro, my [ __ ] road [ __ ]. I was working with Brian Vokei in New Jersey. I love Brian Vokei. I don't know if you know him. Very funny [ __ ]."
"And I was pulling out all the gadgets. I had a little Tibetan singing bowl, Palo Santo, rose water, eucalyptus oils you smell. And he's like, 'Dog, you're such an addict, but just in a better way now.' I'm like, 'Look at all this [ __ ]. I'm going to bring it up. You want some rose water, bro?'"
"But like I can't turn it off. Why do you think I'm doing this? I keep chasing that to like get get it out."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"Get out of my head."
"Yeah. It'll never go away, homie. But at least you're doing doing it good. Good. Doing good stuff with it. Yeah. Bet the cat all crazy."
"What's that one's name?"
"Mr. Cat. My A1 from day one. He's got a bow tie on."
"Mr. Cat."
"Let me put him put his bow tie."
"Hey, Mr. Cat."
"He's good."
"Oh, yeah. He's responding."
"He's an OG. He knocked on my door maybe about seven years ago."
"Wow, what a trip."
"What a good man."
"I mean, that's a trip that he could knock cuz he just got a paw, you know. Yeah."
"But, you know, sometimes they got it like that."
"I said, 'Why you knocking like the damn police?' He went like this."
"Hell yeah."
"Oh, you got animals? Nah, I have a dog, but my cousin, she has it. Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Too much road."
"Cuz every time I'll go on the road, I'll leave it with her. And then uh and then um he she has a dog and and my dog Mookie, his name is Mookie. He he he got along with her. And then she has a big ass yard and [ __ ]. I would come pick him up and I would almost feel bad. So I'm like, 'All right, I'm going take him back to my condo compromise and then be gone all night doing sets and shit.' And then."
"Gito."
"Yeah. So I'm like, 'All right.' She's like, 'Just leave him here.' I'm like, 'All right.' Yeah."
"Bro, I'm not I'm preaching. I know my opinion is biased, but a cat is a happy. I mean, you can leave them alone for one, two, three days. This might be [ __ ] up. That's why you get two of them. They have friends, but they you just need food and water and these they're not like dogs. You don't have to walk them."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"And and I got."
"Well, some fools do walk their. My homie Chris Estrada."
"Oh, I love Chris Estrada."
"Homie. He walks his cat on like he would walk his cat. Oh, I can't wait to I'm going to tell you to watch this."
"Yeah, we'll have him on the show. He's next. We'll book him next."
"He's not He's not He's not He's very unhappy about it, though. But he still does it, you know? You're just out there. Well, he's always unhappy anyway."
"But yeah."
"He's going to watch. What the [ __ ] Why you [ __ ] making."
"I've got him a couple times on the walk is fun. You know what I mean? Just have the cat on the leash and you're just like, 'Yeah, man. I got to do that.'"
"Imagine seeing like like Chris on TV and then you just see him on the street walking this cat. You know what I I got busted in uh uh Target cuz I you know it's I blew up so to speak. It feels weird to say that. You know what I mean? I I get recognized and they caught me buying cat food and booty wipes, bro. I was just like this and they looked down. This is cat food and booty wipes. I was like at least I'm on brand, bro."
"I was like a [ __ ]. Don't look down. This [ __ ] [ __ ] wipes and cat food. Damn, that's funny. When did you pop? You popped 2018, 17, 19."
"Well, yeah. 2017 was uh Yeah. When when Tol went viral."
"Yeah."
"Cracks me up, bro. I was able to [ __ ] that."
"Yeah."
"That shit's funny, bro. Holy [ __ ]."
"Yeah, that was a trip, homie. We thought that that video was funny, you know, but I didn't know it was going to be like that, you know."
"Took over, man. That's."
"Woke up the next day and it was I had messages from [ __ ] Thailand and Australia and all these places. It was crazy."
"The man behind the Creeper, bro. The [ __ ] the good, bro."
"Yeah. I got intro to you through Cholo Fit Creeper and Craig Robinson. Remember?"
"I knew of you though, but I didn't know you like that."
"Yeah. Yeah. We We had always saw each other at the at the clubs and stuff, which is funny. It's funny thinking back on it cuz now we're like homies homies, but like Yeah. Had a sticky back on. But that was like my first big break was uh."
"Cuz even when Tol went viral, people didn't know I did standup. I was already doing stand up for 10 years before that, you know. So, but my first big break was was Craig Robinson hitting me up."
"Yeah."
"And uh asking me to go on tour with him. I didn't even know what a veils meant. He's like, 'You got a veils?' And I was like, 'Yeah, yeah, I'm a veil.'"
"He's like, 'All right.' Like."
"'What are they?'"
"You're like, 'Cool, just take me.' Yes."
"Yeah. I got a veils. They are Yes."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"I'll be there."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"Yeah."
"That was host for like six years. I mean."
"Dude, that guy [ __ ] love that. He was hugging me and nice to me when I was at Trader Joe's, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah."
"Like he's always been whether I was bagging groceries or selling hoodies. Hey."
"I be slanging them hoodies. I love it."
"And uh and tickets, you know? I'm I don't know. I just like the merch. And uh yeah, he's just the man, bro. He's just the man. He lost a lot of weight. Good for him."
"He's a real one. Yeah. Yeah. Turned it around. I told him, 'That's it, bro. No more.' He's still I still got a little bit like, 'Hey, Om no.'"
"Yeah. He did the Kumal Nani. All of a sudden, his arms I'm like, 'Hey, man.'"
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [ __ ]."
"Dog, you should see old videos of him. Uh."
"There's I think there's some on on YouTube, but."
"Like he was an athlete, you know? There's there's ones of him doing like 360 dunks and [ __ ]. He could he could dunk like like the [ __ ]."
"Yeah. Yeah."
"He That's a trip. I only knew him, you know, I don't want to say it, but he was a little bigger."
"Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, he he knows he was Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Bro. We were We had a run where we were like getting after it like the first couple years I was touring with him and then he started like."
"Yeah."
"You know, he would take some time off from uh he would diet it and then take some time off from alcohol and then that was."
"But we were like crushing fun."
"Oh, it was so fun, bro."
"We had so much fun."
"Yeah. Oh [ __ ]. Here we go. Oh."
"Kelly Martin on the miss here. Oh, wait. Here we go."
"Craig Robinson."
"There he is. Look at Craig, dog."
"BOY."
"OH [ __ ]."
"YEAH."
"What the [ __ ] How do I not know this? Look at Look at him do. How's it feel to get beat in something like this by your best friend?"
"It's a wonderful feeling."
"Um, that was fun. We had a lot of fun out there. I kind of figured he'd win."
"Young Craig. Young Craig, dog."
"Oh my god, that Thank you for sharing that. What the [ __ ] Just blew my mind. Holy [ __ ]. That's amazing. I'm gonna call that fool right now. Oh, I Oh, I we should talk about the the the [ __ ] gunslinger story, dude. I invited Craig Robinson and you to go shoot pistols at Taran Tactical at."
"Oh my god."
"I had I had done it in the past."
"I've shot guns with Craig at least I think I want to say three times. Yeah."
"In uh Virginia in in uh Tacoma and then uh yeah somewhere else."
"McUbies right next door. Did you do that one? If you do McUbies in Timmonium, Maryland, you're literally the club and the hotel's next to the gun range. You You walk there. So, we did it. Yeah."
"Me and Zach Chapalani and Eric Freriedman, the homies."
"But um."
"Both those dudes right there. Yeah."
"So, uh I was doing a show at the comedy store in the main room and this uh beautiful lady's front row, she's stunning and she goes to comedy shows regularly. She's like an expert in weapons. She's a She's a."
"Instructor for I believe I Taran Tactical. I could be misspoken. I don't know the technicalities."
"Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah. It was the place that where like John Wick."
"Where John Wick Reeves everybody everybody shoots there."
"Um, and then she's at the show and uh we exchange informations to go shooting and stuff and then I message her. She gives me her number to go to the range and possibly buy some firearms legally all through the books. These are professional people. And then she gave me her number and it was off by a digit. Which you would think. Beautiful lady. And that sounds bad. Like go away, go away. But it wasn't like that. It was just like we had shot there before. It was me, Katherine Blandford, Jason Ellis, Ian Animal."
"Um."
"Finance finance. How I say this is a damn IG handle. and the coin member and uh it was a good time. It was just fun, dude. It's so cool. It's like John Wick out here [ __ ] Keanu."
"You know? We're being trained by these gorgeous women."
"Great business model, by the way. This guy's a genius."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
"And um anyways, uh I'm communicating. I said, 'Hey,' I text the number she sent me. I said, 'Hey, this is Craig Conan, comedian. Uh, we want to go shoot this date at this time.' I got some comedians. I invited uh Cranky, Craig Robinson, Theo, and No, the uh they would they couldn't make it, but."
"The person's respon I know, bro."
"The person responded to me was like, 'Yeah, yeah.' And it felt like AI and in bold and wrong. And we'll post the screenshots right here. And I was like, 'Okay, I'll be there. I'm bringing a crew. I'll let you know if we have more.' And they said, 'No more than six. We got a special surprise for you. I got some girls coming.' And like and I'm like, 'Oh shit.' You know, this lady gorgeous."
"And then come to find out it wasn't her number. I was communicating with the a scammer, a spammer. I don't even know who."
"Yeah. Who?"
"But it was so crazy that they they kept playing along and like the text messages are wild. Like, 'Hey, hey, no more than six people. We got some girls coming.'"
"Like, how?"
"Like, what the what the [ __ ]. Oh yeah."
"And then I was like, and then I messaged her like, 'Hey, what's going on?' I messaged her on IG like, 'Hey, um, what's going on?' Thank God I messaged her on IG cuz she goes, 'I'm not texting you.' I was like, 'Well, who the [ __ ] is this?' You know."
"Who's this?"
"And then we just laughed and I got a real number and then, you know, we were all busy. I'm like, 'Dude, I'm on the road the next couple months.' That was the only day I could go. We end up going shooting at Oak Tree Gun Club. It didn't. We didn't get trained by the gorgeous women. None. Thank God none of the famous [ __ ] as I call them. Thank God they're all busy. I was like, imagine if [ __ ] Craig showed up and they're not there. I'm like."
"Sorry, big dog. Want to go shoot hoops? I saw you could dunk. My bad. I felt embarrassed. I was like, I invited the big dogs on this one just for funsies, you know."
"Yeah. Well, at least you found out before you showed up, though. I mean, yeah."
"Bro. What the [ __ ]. Yeah, that's the whole story."
"That's crazy though. Like what are the chances the number you text is one digit off that it's going to be a person that's like, 'Hey, let's [ __ ] around.' Like."
"Yeah, they could have just been like, 'The wrong number, bud. I'll find you. I will find you.' Stinkers, bro. I would have done some [ __ ] like that."
"I know, right? Hey, look at these kids, bro. I'm a stinker for sure, bro. I used to spray strangers asses with fart spray at the at like a public fair. Looks so they smell like stinky booties."
"I was 12, bro. I was a little kid."
"I feel like you would do that now, homie. If you if I if somebody gave you some fart spray, homie, you you would do something with it."
"Oh, man. You know you know. Yeah. I can't say that. I wouldn't. I'll find the right person. You got to do that to the little homie that can't fight, you know, cuz that's some swinging [ __ ]. You sprayed my ass with that, I'm kicking your dick, bro, right? That's fair."
"Yeah, cuz that's the stink. Have you ever smelt that [ __ ] The fart spray?"
"Yeah, it's [ __ ] nasty, homie. Stink bombs and fart spray. That [ __ ] The stink bombs, you know, it smell like a [ __ ] skunk, homie."
"My c my uh my sister's uh boyfriend, he he had a bad kid. I mean, good good kid. But I he was like eight and I was like 12, you know what I mean? Like me."
"But I have limits. This kid kept going. I was like, 'Geez, chill.' I gave him the fart spray. He went in my house. He held it down. I was having a party. He held it. He went I was like, 'Hey.' He ruined the party, bro. He sprayed that [ __ ] in the air in my house, in my living room when we had a kickback in high school. He's like nine. I'm like 16. I'm like, 'You [ __ ] just stank up the whole house.'"
"We bought the fart bombs off the ice cream man and we popped it and threw it back in on him. And we."
"Oh, what a dick. Yeah."
"Poor guy, man. Well, now probably stopped selling fart bombs after that."
"What'd you do? Would you do some fun [ __ ] like that? That's good time. I know. I'm sorry. I repent for my sins. Why? I think I Jesus right there, bro."
"Yeah, homie. We We did all that [ __ ]."
"Yeah."
"We used to like [ __ ] homie. Yeah. Break. We would go to like shopping centers, just try to break the lights with rocks, you know? Oh, yeah."
"Like whatever land light, street lights I had in there."
"Spend all day, homie. So eventually somebody would break it and then we run. And then."
"Smoke bombs. I used to love smoke bombs."
"Oh yeah, those are fun."
"Yeah. Just in like a public bathroom just set one off and bounce, you know, just like see people run out. You're just like, 'Oh, [ __ ] I did that. I created that.' We just set dumpsters on fire, homie. Like."
"It's not the homeless. It's him."
"Oh, good."
"No, we set a dumpster on fire over like Yeah. You see the fire firemen come and you're just like, 'Look, I did that crazy.'"
"Yeah. I bought a bunch of gunpowder at Turner's and we just light it on fire and just like dump a trail and just watch it go."
"Yeah."
"Is this I'm too big now. We should probably edit that out. I was I'm sorry. And it's the wrong way."
"I mean, it was a long time, you know."
"It's past statute of limitations."
"But but when I would get caught doing Yeah. I I I eventually stopped because I would get my ass. Yeah. O would get caught, bro. My my dad did not play."
"Yeah. You go to jail or you get whooped or you you're you evil if you keep going. If you keep This is fun mischief. It's the You know what I mean? You're like, 'Oo, he didn't get out. He kept leveling up his crime.'"
"Yeah."
"Yeah. That happens. You go I say that in my act. Like my So my cousins go into jail, a car, go into prison, a car thief, come out a killer. You're like, 'Wow."
"What happened in there?"
"Yeah."
"You're a scary man now. He just stole radios before that."
"They probably they were already on their way, homie, you know."
"Yeah, they kept graduating. See, I stopped that fart spray. You got to get out. Well, I didn't look at the one sheet. I got some questions prepared for you, though."
"I'm a [ __ ] pro, bro."
"Damn. Ever since you did the fascia, homie."
"I do the fascia."
"Where's this guy? Lad, bro."
"Mr. Cat."
"He's chilling. Uh, he looks like he's on top of a a mountaintop in a little plateau."
"What was the first character you ever created and how old were you? Because I know you probably did started at a young age or was Cholo Creeper the first guy."
"No, you've been doing the sketches for a minute with your crew."
"It was uh J Wanita Carmelita was like based off my mom like you know what time it is."
"Yeah."
"And then um and then Yeah. Creeper was after that. Oh no wait."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was Creeper and then uh Bachanga I was like this party dude like wow cuz I used to dance balefoclorico so and I had my boots still fit me."
"So I was like how do I use those moves you know [ __ ] wow."
"You're going to have your own show like Frank Caliando and [ __ ] watch."
"Dash."
"Watch be sick you each character that [ __ ] be bro."
"Your own who else got one like that you know what I mean the guys that just can Adam Ray can do that too he's [ __ ] good Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
"That guy is sharp."
"We did uh at Just for Laughs, we did uh I did his uh Dr. Phil show as Creeper."
"[ __ ] on the outdoor stage. It was sick."
"Oh man."
"Yeah. Cuz you know, his his crew was like so well prepared with like they had like some, you know, they they throw you alioops, you know, stuff and it it was like a huge strings. We're in the outdoor stage, so they brought up all this stuff for for us to [ __ ] around with. It was it was fun, man."
"But yeah. Yeah. I love I love Adam. He's another one, homie. I've been known him a long time. And then boom."
"Yeah."
"He blew up too. And."
"I've known him a long time. I met him at a Taco. Takaria. We did these shows at Malo Cantina, bro."
"Oh, hell yeah."
"Little teeny. It was owned by like No Doubt drummer or some [ __ ] Uh, basis. Malo Cantina. And I remember I got paid two tacos for stage time. I'd be there at like [ __ ] 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I got paid two sets, two tacos. That [ __ ] was lit. And Adam was like headlining them. He was cool, bro."
"Yeah."
"He tried to give me an opportunity, Adam Devine's House Party Show, but I was so green."
"I couldn't get the tape down. I kept freezing like a deer in headlights every."
"And I and I was going to send it, but it had an awkward moment and like anyways, I sent some tape that I finally got that was good and it was too late. But I'll never forget that. I known him and he's like, 'Dude, you're funny.' And he tried to click me with Adam Devine, but I was in green, bro."
"Hey, it's all good, homie. Yeah."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all relative. I like these rocks, dude."
"I feel like I got a couple characters in me. I got to get to it."
"Oh [ __ ]."
"Just one or two. All right. Just me. Just you're definitely a solid character already. But yeah."
"But yeah, character work was always The first Creeper video I did was like in 2010."
"Yeah. And then as the years went on, you know, I started adding the layers to him, making a little more making a little more."
"Grounded and tapping into what what what he's thinking about, homie. You know."
"What area you from again?"
"I was in San Fernando. I was born I was born there. I lived there when I was little. Then we moved to Oxnard. Then I lived in Camarillo. And then I then I moved to the Bay. That's where I started doing comedy."
"I lived there for like 10 years. And then uh then I moved back to LA in uh 20 like 2011 I think. Yeah."
"That's when I uh entered the scene. 2010 2011 I believe. Second City program. I'm born in LA, Harbor City, raised in Torrance and Lomita. Family all over."
"San Pedro Carson Wilmington. Redondo Beach. Yeah, we just stayed here. It's quite nice. It's [ __ ] nice. There's a beach right there. So, where do I got to go? This is nice. There's no crime, no homeless poop. We're good, bro. Oh [ __ ] you're good."
"I go to spots. I come back to peace."
"Now your family stories remind me a lot of mine. Like it's just you know."
"I know the Yeah. The more I the more we talked about it too that I was like man."
"You're like man my cousin. I'm like oh [ __ ] let me show you Groucho. This dude's [ __ ] nuts bro. Holy [ __ ]."
"I was like yep Craig is definitely half Mexican homie."
"Wow boys. I want to talk about my family. I I hope they know it's all love. It's they get mad sometimes, you know, what the [ __ ] is you blow up and you're like, 'Everyone knows my shit.' Like, they don't know exactly who you are."
"Right?"
"That shit's funny. It's all love. The funny thing is the irony of it. If I'm talking about you, it's cuz I love you. It's not, you know."
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
"Yeah. That's interesting. You smoke PCP. That's a funny thing to talk about."
"Yeah. And you're not like being like, 'Here's who this person is.' You're saying like."
"'There's his address. Go get him.'"
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
"Yeah."
"Anyway, yeah. Yeah, I always just say like cuz I have a lot of cousins so I'll just be like my cousin da da da you know there's a couple of them I'll say by by first name but you know."
"Yeah, they're the down."
"For the most part I keep it yeah cuz someone be like hey is that you're talking about me I'm like no no homie that's."
"It's on the other side of the family you don't even know that fool."
"My wife side okay [ __ ] grouch huh look at this we're review. Are you scared of improv? Like I I'm find myself scared of that world. How do you How do you like separate the two or you know what I mean? Like these are different things. Standup sketch. You do improv too, right?"
"You mean like while you're doing standup like just."
"No, not that. Like if you're doing uh."
"You mean like a like a improv show?"
"Yeah. Yeah. Do you do that at all anymore?"
"No. No. Okay. That's a shitty question then. I don't think I ever really. Yeah. I mean."
"You never did improv."
"I mean, I I've done it, but I never like."
"I was never in that like world like, 'Hey, I do improv shows.'"
"I was there three years."
"For real."
"I went through the entire training program at Second City, bro."
"Oh [ __ ]. I didn't know that."
"I just assumed you did cuz."
"I know a lot of people do, but yeah. No, I never did."
"Oh wow. I'm scared of that [ __ ] cuz it's like."
What do you mean there's no jokes? You know what I mean?
What do you mean I don't write the show? Like I just have to go up here and freeball it.
Yeah.
Oh, okay. I just assumed you did. Damn, that's crazy. Um,
I got to read, bro. Don't laugh at me. You can talk to me, too. Keep talking. Help me, man.
The the next question.
Well, we used to pull it up there and it was easier, but then uh Pete was like, "You have the questions up there." So now I'm like, "Okay, sorry, man. I'll put him down here."
He That man's too smart, bro. That [ __ ] was just spitting fire. I was like, "Holy shit."
All right, whatever. Let's talk about Jesus, man. These questions. Just mainly about developing the characters and stuff. I'm so fascinated in that space.
Yeah.
And I want
That's one of my favorite things to do, homie.
Yeah. I used to uh I wrote some characters for Second City. I forgot what they were. My [ __ ] was crazy though. I was about like an inmate or some [ __ ] I I got to find those. I used to I was so scared of stand up. I went to the Second City and I just started taking all their classes and like writing, sketch, improv. Yeah, it was great. I did that for two straight years in Iowa West and UCB and then I went to stand up. I went to the comedy store as for lack of better words, I stopped being a [ __ ] cuz I was terrified. That's what it was.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then uh
yeah high pressure situation homie [ __ ] just a storyteller that tell the stories
it's the craziest one. It's like it's just you the mic and the crowd like what do you got homie? You know
and the o too
so it's like
that there's that you got passed did we get passed in the same class or very near it.
Yeah. Pretty near it.
Yeah. So I think I was pass. You can just tell by who you're lumped into on the wall.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Man, that O there uh I bring that up because you're exposed like a raw nerve. You're just naked up there. That's the ultimate room where you're like you cannot be fake.
Yeah.
Do you feel that way?
Yeah. I also feel like it's a great workout room, you know?
Yeah.
I'll be like, "All right, homie." You be out writing something down. I'm like, "All right, this is funny. Okay, you want to find out if it's funny?
That's where it's built.
You got to set the O tonight. Let's see if it works."
The O is is the ultimate workout room. It's just like, bro, it's crazy. It's so good.
Especially in the in the beginning, you know, like or at least after I first got past it was like I was getting the late spots, you know, they kind of you kind of work your way up to the better spots. I think I don't know if that's how they do it, but that's how it was working out for me.
But uh yeah, when like people are like
tired but they're still there or some people are leaving
cuz you know that's how the O is you just go as audience member. go until you get tired, then you leave and then but they'll go till, you know, whatever past midnight.
And so you get that whatever 11:30 midnight spot, you just see what we got here.
Do you like those late night like cuz that's when you could get different, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. I like to get there. I love going up and like not really having a game plan and have like a few new joke ideas and then just see and work it out, you know, and then Yeah. That's where
that's where my best writing happens is on the stage.
Oh, yeah. I do that, too. I can't sit here with the pen. I I write down a general idea or a thought and then you go up there.
Yeah.
You're like, "We'll see.
Let's see, homie."
And you're alive. That's That's
That's the best drug.
How's it going to go?
Adrenaline, but natural. I guess that's not natural. We're nuts.
Yeah. Cuz it's funny is like when you when we're when we're touring,
you know, that's your people.
Yeah.
Like they already they already [ __ ] with you. They they want you to succeed. they're just excited to just see you in person and see you ride that wave and it's on and cracking. But when it's like a night like the O and people, you know, so obviously there's always going to be
a percentage that knows who you are, but you know, there's also a huge like tough
or it goes really good and you're like, "Yeah, it'll be all right. Cool." You know,
I do have a sick pleasure of enjoying because you know, like you're funny as [ __ ] I'm funny, but there's others that have a following,
but if they're funny in front of their audience,
and if they go in the O,
they start sweating and I I'm like like, "Yeah,
yeah,
yeah, take that, bitch."
I I But um
there's no shortcuts in standing,
but also like it's not like a real hate thing cuz I like anybody getting their money. Get your money. Like, who cares?
Yeah. Yeah. I'll never knock anybody's hustle.
But like I like that like it feels like that competitive that Kobe or whatever like you ain't cutting. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I like that [ __ ] And I I love and respect all the savages more. Like oh I saw you cooking in the lab. You know how hard it is to [ __ ] rip in the lab?
Yeah.
It's a terrible room. Don't tell the umbrella I said that.
I love the lab.
Main room's cracking. That lab.
It's like hit or miss, homie. It's like
it's a miss or miss.
You talking about it? We don't have to be positive all the time.
It could be good. I'm not No, but when it's bad, it is bad, bro.
It's good two out of 10 times.
And I don't know. I call it the like Bermuda Triangle because you kind of
comics die and disappear.
Yeah. You can't That's how the lab is for me. But it keeps you on your toes, you know? Yeah.
I don't need that no more.
I go, somebody asked me to do it. I went the lab. Oh, no.
I did the M. Oh no.
Oh no.
I'll still do it.
It hurts my feelings.
Sad. It hurts my feelings.
It hurts my feelings. I'm sensitive. Where's my rose water? Where's my crystals?
What do you do to practice to stay sane in your in your uh sobriety journey or just human journey, I should say? [ __ ] is
Yeah. [ __ ] with so the breath works or what's the
Yeah. You know, meditate, I run, work out. um you know yeah pray, meditate, run um you know spending time with my family and uh
Oh, that's the best
and um yeah but all those things are are big things for me.
You're big on family too. I I get feel weird if I I got to see them all all like we do the runs like just yesterday I had my son we I went to story time at the park then my sister's house then my mom and aunt's house in Wilmington and then my dad's house
we mas
um yeah and then it's like you know what I mean it's just like just through all the mention shit's cracking we're going to the farm tomorrow more park going to feed the animals and [ __ ]
just always doing [ __ ] with the I mean, you got to
Yeah.
It's like how you stay sane.
Yep. I go on my little my little tours. Like sometimes I have a day off, you know, I'll hit I'll hit hit the family in the valley, go out to Oxnard, hit some more family on the way back. I got um some family down this way, too.
It's the best.
My uncle who's a long shoreman, he lives out here.
Oh [ __ ] I know. Some ill woos. My uncle Johnny, he's illw Woo. He's in the board and [ __ ]
He's got he's in my act. He's got the knuckle tats kill punk right there.
Oh, hell yeah.
Uncle Johnny, shout out. Oh, it's his birthday. I'm going to his party this weekend.
Hell yeah.
He's a cool fool, man. He got me He was into the He was on my Mexican side into the punk [ __ ] He got me into Gore and the Melvin's and all that.
Hell yeah.
Chris Estrada [ __ ] You know, there's two Mexicans. There's the punk rockers and then then there's the What the [ __ ] you listen to for?
Yeah. Yeah.
You can't be doing that weird [ __ ]
Put on real [ __ ] jeans, bro. Put on shoreline. Put on Zap and Roger.
Yeah, Zap and Rogers. More bounce. [ __ ] George Clinton. What's up? Why must I chase the cat?
Why feel like that? Why chase the cat? Nothing but me,
dude. Computer love. Computer love.
Oh [ __ ] I forgot this could flow.
I can't get a cat. computerized.
I got nervous. I was like, I can't rap. But
they did musical improv once a month at at a Second City, bro. I would have to do that [ __ ] That [ __ ] was [ __ ] gut-wrenching. I was improv.
Oh [ __ ] This guy would get on a piano
and I I [ __ ] have to sing,
bro. That [ __ ] was crazy. I don't know what I said one day, but I rhymed something with liquor and then I grabbed my dicker and that [ __ ] murdered, bro.
Oh, hell yeah. That [ __ ] erupted.
My dicker.
I said liquor and dicker. I went like
and they [ __ ] fell out laughing. I was like shaking that [ __ ] I was live, bro. All right. I'm tired, bro. We never stopped going. You know that [ __ ]
Yeah. It's you got to be careful with that [ __ ] homie. We be catching up with you sometimes where I'm like, [ __ ] Like, because we don't have like, oh, it's Friday, I got my Saturday. Not saying that I want I want want to go to that live, but it's especially when you start getting real busy and you're kind of like, you know, it's just like you never have a day off.
You need a spa day.
Yeah,
you need a [ __ ] spa day, bro.
Those those days get very limited as as things start cracking off, you know.
I know. Somebody just asked me to do their podcast. I was like, "My March is pretty full. How about April?" Like, that's crazy.
Whole drug addict, Craig. You can imagine
what you got today. Nothing.
Yeah.
What about next month? Nothing.
You know what I mean? Now I'm like, I look at it. I go, "Oh, like, oh, I can't, man." Like,
that's why like you did it. I'm like, "Oh, thank you, bro." Like, I get it, dude. It's like
it's just you just go and go. I'll be crying on that airplane. You know what I mean? rubbing out your little trauma ball.
Bro, I'm excited to click you up with them. The human garage. They'll stretch you for sure, bro.
I'm down. Human garage.
They're the [ __ ] man. What lovely souls healing people
as I'm rubbing my cheeks.
Yeah, my soul healing people.
Ah, the human garage. I All my family has big nipples, bro. We all got pepperonis. Is that a Mexican thing?
You probably got raisins. You look like a raisin guy.
Ah, they're not raisins. They're like regular size. One of them's bigger than the other, I'll tell you that.
That's good. That's good for you. Your pits are winking, dude.
Yeah. Hey,
creeperh.
Hey, you want to party? Hey,
that was my favorite [ __ ] Just that right there. Just a nipple winking going,
"Bro, my cousin, he's in my act, but it's all true." So, but he's a he's gay. He's got he's drag queen. He's got big nipples. Ariel Grande. Yeah. That's so funny, bro.
Ariel Grande.
I used to watch The Fat Boys as a kid.
You ever seen The Disorderly?
Of course.
Love that movie, dog. favorite, bro. Are you [ __ ] kidding me?
I love that.
That's my [ __ ] I used to bring it on VHS every week. Every week. My mom was like, "You want another?" No. They got naked down the pool slide. I watched their booties as a kid. Remember that [ __ ] And I was like, "Those fools were dope." When the guns, they had guns and bars of gold.
It influenced me,
bro. That's the best.
It influenced me.
It influenced me. Like big booties, guns, and gold. Um
when when it when the homiey's like going on a diet, he's eating like a pile of fa sprouts. He's like, "What are you eating?" He's like, "Why are you eating that?" He's like to get sex.
It's a perfect movie. It's like Black Three Stooges, bro. That shit's cracking. Classic. I bought it on uh streaming. I have it I had it on VHS, but I didn't buy it on DVD. It's [ __ ] Man, those are my shits. I just love stupid [ __ ] like that. Going bananas. You watch Going Bananas, the talking monkey.
Hell yeah, bro. Jimmy Walker, Don Delawise, that's a classic,
man, dude. I haven't seen that one in forever, bro. Some of throwback [ __ ] Yeah, we can take a break. I'm No, we got to finish strong. What else?
Yeah. What do you mean take a break?
I got to pee. Now he's going to drink too many liquids.
Pee pee break. We do them quite often. You a pisser?
Yeah. I've been known to piss on.
I drink a lot of water. So I'll be peeing.
I'll be peeing.
And then especially if I'm drinking I'm going to hit one of those right now.
Oh, absolutely. I got all the [ __ ] I got espresso, bro. I got I'll make you double shot. I got sweet cream, raw milk, none of that poison [ __ ] I got cold. Hey, you know what I started taking was uh
you know as I I told you I take Metamucil. Yeah.
And you were like nah nah that's like the cut coat. So I got celium husk like organic celium husk.
It's a little crazier to
to drink but it Yeah.
It's a little more effective. No cutters.
But the first day it messed me up cuz I I had like two tablespoons of it and then I I drank an energy drink after like a Celsius.
Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking, bro. Homie. My [ __ ] was sucking. Yeah. That's uh Yeah,
sir. How about water?
Grab some some apple juice.
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I was thinking, homie. They were not homies. You know what I'm saying? They're colliding with each other.
No, but sometimes I like that. There's something very exorcism like when you take a fat [ __ ] and you're backed up, you're like, I'm free
in life.
Changes my whole day.
Yeah. I love taking a fat [ __ ] right before stage. You're like, oh yeah,
I'm [ __ ] up. We about to get it, y'all. Oh, I love that feeling, homie.
[ __ ] funny. I'm not scared of my farts right now.
Yeah. Celium husk from any market. It's everywhere. Sprouts, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Amazon.
Yeah. Yeah.
One ingredient husk doesn't taste good.
I mean, Metam Mucil's good, too. That [ __ ] works, you know.
It's cut with the things, bro.
Yeah, but it ain't that crazy, homie. I looked it up. It is cut with things.
It's got yellow dye number five or something.
I know. I know. But it's not that much of it.
Okay, I agree. I had a slushie yesterday. Who the [ __ ] am I kidding?
It was good.
This is good. It's good.
There's no There's no food color in that for sure.
Bro, I like a slushie. I do uh I do CocaCola and cherry. I get a cherry Coke slushie.
Oh, bro. That's some stoner [ __ ] man.
Man, let's do stoners snacks. You ever do Sprite with rainbow sherbet?
Oh, you make a float. I love going, you know, cuz I always like I always trip out when I when when I was younger, homie. We'd always go to my my grandma and grandpa's house. All of us, all the cousins after school, and she always she would every day she would make a stack of homemade tortillas, you know, flour
with cinnamon.
Loved them, homie. And just some you just put some butter and she made foya, like a big old pot of beans. That's all we need. And a jug of Kool-Aid.
Oh,
so it's like, you know, we had tampo or like Kool-Aid. It's like all sugar and and food coloring, but that's how you would hydrate like go outside and play
and then drink either drink from the hose or you go like hydrate and it's just like [ __ ] like you know.
Yeah, the same.
So now I'm like we're all right, you know? Like I'm just
not spoke though.
But I I feel you though like when I see it always makes me think of that when I'm like oh no food coloring.
I know.
I'm like damn homie. I was [ __ ] pounding Kool-Aid back in the day.
This the same bro. We collect the points on the back. Save up.
Yeah. Yeah. We had the Kool-Aid box, the pitcher.
I was tropical punch and lemonade. I tried my orange. Tropical punch. [ __ ] Red dye number five, homie.
I gave my son some red dye number five yesterday. Instantly he changed. I saw it. It was visible like a light switch. We were at my mom's house. He was just crazier. He started grabbing his pants going, "What?"
He was just feeding the birds all peaceful. And then I gave him slushy and he was cracked out. Bro, he's this big. You know, it affects him different.
Wow. Well, that's the sugar mostly. It's not the red.
It's l It's cahootsis peanut butter jelly.
His eyeballs are really
He was gacked out, bro. You can see it. It's a Just do it.
And yeah, it was Kool-Aid, Tempico, Sunday delight, Shasta, 3 liters, kiwi, strawberry, those weird ones.
Yeah.
Ticky punch. Oh, just straight poison, bro. Just chugging gallons of it. We'd go run, play, drink Kool-Aid and soda and go run, play, and then throw up. Remember a high sea?
Oh, yeah. Ecto-Cooler. Ectoer.
Ectooler was the [ __ ] bro. Oh, just diabetes. We just hide in tall grass and throw eggs and water balloons at cars driving by. Nobody watched us. The hood and Carson off Dinker. The neighbors had bullet holes on the car. We go as little kids like, "Whoa, this is crazy."
Crazy.
It's like some goon [ __ ] Real bullet holes.
Bullet holes the size of Ma balls. I love you, Chunk. Dude, Goon is my favorite movie, bro.
Yeah,
you guys. It's classic. You're going to live with me now, Chunk
Baby.
Baby Ruth.
Yeah. Okay. The final questions. I wish I could beat box. That's all I got. That's my only move. I could do that when I was five and it got worse. I was better at it when I was a kid. It happens, man. Okay, my friend. I think we might have t touched it, but the a reoccurring question on my podcast. Any any thing that change any bad event that changed you for the better, you know. Um you don't have to give all the details, but uh you know,
any bad bad thing that changed me.
Yeah. Rock bottom. You're like, "Oh, [ __ ] I got to change my life.
I would say uh getting uh getting wheeled out of the hotel by the paramedics."
Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's it. That'll do it.
Yeah. which is a hotel and sunset right next to the comedy store.
Oh yeah,
boy.
Yeah, you should stay a little further away from the clubs next time.
Yeah. Yeah, but it was like 1:00 p.m. on a Tuesday. I started on Saturday.
Oh, no, you're not good then. I'm just meant like the comedy store didn't see you. Hey, Frankie.
Nah, they didn't see me cuz it was like 1:00 p.m. on a Tuesday.
How funny of that? It would have been like 9:00 p.m. on a Tuesday.
But bro, I was I was on a sick one, obviously.
Yeah. Nobody gets out of a pair. It gets wheeled out, huh? This was in uh 2023, but uh I was uh I remember I was like, you know, I had already kicked everybody out. I was just like solo, but I kept extending my stay. I started on Saturday and then it was like it was like
Monday morning, I think. And I was like, and then uh even that Sunday night, but that Monday night, I remember thinking, "Fuck, the homies are right there, bro. They're in that. I was I was on the the other side of the hotel, but I was remember thinking like I could just hit one of them up, tell them to come up here and but I was like, "No, [ __ ] it." You know, and then I was just like knew I had to get my [ __ ] together, but it was just like I was just on a sick one.
Yeah.
And then that and then like my days had like ran up. I kept adding a day, but I think they they didn't have like another day available or I don't know what it was, but anyways, I was supposed to check out, you know, so they went in there and found me. I mean, I was just in a robe. Like my dick's all out. the rope is open. Like I'm like my head I'm in the bed but like my head's like against the headboard and I just wake up and they're like the maid or whoever the person with the clipboard was probably like oh this fool's
bugged down
or he's probably they probably thought I was dead you know
and cuz I had took like Xanax and [ __ ] to try to get some sleep and just like I guess I was like
thank god they woke me up but I I remember I was like
I woke up and I was like oh and they were like hey man we called the paramedics and wumpy wump and they came and I was like no no I'm good I'm good but they were like the dudes are like, "Well, we're already here." Like, "You you have insurance?" And I go, "Yeah." And they go, "All right, we're taking you." You know, like
Yeah.
So, I was like,
they're like, "Sir, it would be beneficial if you came with us."
Yeah.
We know that you're full of [ __ ] Just come with us, sir.
Yeah. Yeah. So, I was like, "No, I'm good." But I remember, [ __ ] homie.
I was like, "This ain't it, dog." You know, then my sister
immediately or she finally got a hold of me. her and Chris Estrada were in the lobby homie of the hotel like the previous night or the night before that even or maybe that Sunday night
trying to get up to my room and they're calling and everything. My sister's blowing my phone and I'm telling the the lobby like nah nah don't let I don't want anybody up here. So the guy at the lobby told Chris and my sister like yo like I we can't let you up like legally like the only thing we could do is call the cops, you know. So Chris Estrada told my sister, "Well, I'm not trying to get this fo arrested. At least we know her where he is, you know."
Yeah.
So they went and ate at a diner, dude. I'm just like thinking about [ __ ] me. Like that that meal them sitting together. My sister worried sick. My [ __ ] heard Chris Estr being a he'll be all right. You know, who knows?
Yeah. I know. But that's a it's a beautiful
It's a beautiful night because it changed you.
Oh, wow. Yeah. She then she was like, "Motherfucker, like after I that day, you know, I got out of the hospital and she was like I didn't tell them. I hid it that I went to the hospital, you know."
Yeah.
Like you know they don't you know I'm a grown ass man. They're not going to call your family or nothing. You're just [ __ ]
Yeah. Mama don't need to know.
She don't need to know. So I didn't tell them homie for the longest time. And I I checked out that day. I was like, "I got to get my [ __ ] together." And like an hour later, I'm back [ __ ] partying again.
Yeah.
I was on a train I couldn't get off of. But my sister finally got a hold of me. She's like, "Motherfuck, you promised me you're gonna get help." And I go, "All right, cool." And that's where my my journey started. [ __ ] getting my [ __ ] together.
I talk about it that way, too.
Yeah.
Get the rose water.
[ __ ] you.
Get the crystal. Get the crystals and the rose water ready.
It's a better life. [ __ ] It's a better way. I promise.
It is. I mean, it is. Yeah. I mean, for us at least. Yeah.
Not everybody can do that. I find that most people can't.
I don't know
what.
Drugs and alcohol.
Oh, yeah. [ __ ] do it good. I swear I'm like, if you got to do something, I preach the micro dose and mushrooms cuz I know most [ __ ] need a little something.
I'm like, well, that won't lead to cardiac arrest.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, why don't you just do that?
You know, you do. I I have
I could be around it now and be fine, but you know, you see homies that like take like one and a half Molly, they have to open up a capsule like, "Oh, I'm only going to do a half more." I'm like, "Oh, that's cute." Or, "That's so cool that you could do that.
I'm scared of that shit."
I'm like, "Fuck not me, homie. I'll take one and I turn into Pac-Man just another one. Another one more seven [ __ ] teeth are
fools that do they could do like one line of coke and be like okay I'm crazy.
Yeah, [ __ ] right.
I'm getting crazy tonight. Like [ __ ]
I think I did cocaine correctly one time and it was because there was only one line available and that's why. But if that was an eightball, we were going.
Oh yeah.
Yeah. It's get the [ __ ] out of here. And the rest Yeah. He's chasing it. Can you get more? It's 4:00 a.m. Leave me alone.
Yeah,
stop calling me.
Well, I sold I sold some cocaine for a little bit, man. That's not a good job.
I did it once or twice. I was terrible at it.
I wasn't good at that. I would try to tell people, "Don't hit me up this," but it never failed cuz, you know, I'm like a I'm friendly and [ __ ] so they're like, "You be knocking on my window like 5 in the morning." I'm like, "Motherfucker, I'm I'm [ __ ] sleeping."
Like, "Hey, you just need a bag." Like, "We'll pay you extra." I'm like, "Fuck." All right. Yeah.
Always at the extraction. Even on your portion, swear. Oh, you extra 400, man. She's [ __ ] giving to me, man.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh my god. When you sell weed, it's not like that. They wait till the next day.
Crackheads don't.
You're like, I live with my mom, fool. You can't be coming around here.
You got to wait till she's at work, bro. I sell drugs living with mama. I felt so bad. Sometimes you pull out. Oh, we're just talking. Oh, yeah. It was a old b of mine. That's I didn't have a job and I'm buying new video games. How'd you get that? Oh, it's recycling.
The recycling cans, man. A lot of cans.
So many cans, man.
No, but that like that's a horrible night of your alive or weekend. But the the the silver lining is first of all, I feel like divine divine intervention. The lady knocked on the door cuz who knows what could have happened, you know?
Yeah, man. [ __ ] Mommy, I might not have woken up, you know?
It's happened many times right nearby. Chat Marmont, [ __ ] uh John Belalushi pastor and [ __ ]
Um Mar, right?
Marmmont. Oh, [ __ ] man.
And then like Yeah, that's it. I always find try to find the silver lining in in others and myself, you know? It's a better way.
Yeah. Yeah. I didn't. Yeah. You know, and now you shine brighter.
Chris uh Chris Estrada was was the homie in that side, too. And then
he's like, "Don't be the don't be the cliche, homie." Like, you know, you're [ __ ] Oh, cool. You're doing bumps in the bathroom at the comedy store. Like,
yeah.
And you you're going to be another comedian dead in a hotel room. Like, come on, homie.
It's not the way. I hate it. I hate it cuz our It's our friends, you know?
Yeah. Yeah.
Die. It was sad.
But it was a [ __ ] trying to get it, homie. Woof. Trying to get sober.
Yeah. H
probably one of the hardest things. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. The best thing, too. But
it's really weird how just not doing something is so hard. Isn't that
Yeah. Well, when you're a drug addict like me. Yeah.
But if you think logically and rationally, which we don't, it's actually easier not to do it
cuz it's one less thing to do.
Literally, you know, I don't have to find it.
I don't have to pay for it. I don't have to hang with that crowd. I don't have to stay up several, you know, it's like easier, but not in the attic brain. You're like, well,
now when you're in that cloud. Yeah.
Well, if I could just do some
I just need to get [ __ ] up. And then after I would like try to clean it up, I'm like, see, I could do it normal now, but you can you never can.
But it was just like, [ __ ] Now when I think about it, I'm like, [ __ ] man. Sounds exhausting to be
to try to be doing our career and partying and [ __ ]
I mean I don't know how I did it for as long as I've been going to bed early. It's quite nice.
Yeah, I haven't tried it in years.
What? This sauna helps. What?
I really haven't. I go to the sauna and I sweat and get tired through the jacuzzi and the steam room and the dry sauna and then get knocked out. I do that till like 10:00 and then I go home and I'm knocked out by 10 or 11. Like three nights in a row I get up early. I was up at 7:00 a.m. I'm like, "What the fuck?" You know, you do spa stay up till 3:00 a.m.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Sleep. It's like
Yeah. All right, we're going to get to the final question. The good question that I ask every guest. You got a good uh poop under the pants. The way you [ __ ] your pants.
Oh, do I
[ __ ] your pants at Chateau Marram?
No, I [ __ ] my pants at uh Caesar's Palace in Vegas.
[ __ ] yeah.
Um, you know, I was on Coke.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Cut with baby laxatives or just eating bad.
I probably cut with who knows what it cut.
Remember when it was cut with baby laxative? You just [ __ ]
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
And I know some homies be like, "Oh, this is good [ __ ] I got to [ __ ] right away." Like, it doesn't mean it's good, homie. It means it's cover. Yeah, you feel better. You do [ __ ]
But I just felt like I had a fart and then you know, but we're all coked out. Thank god we were staying at Caesar's Palace, but we're in the casino.
But the problem was, homie, I was wearing like these khaki like windbreaker pants and it squirted. It was a squirter, you know, and like,
oh no, you need absorption. You need
And then Yeah. And then I look back and you could see the the liquid. See, because it was like khaki, it was like these khaki winders.
And I was like, [ __ ] Oh man, I [ __ ] myself. I was I was with my my primo Caesar and then I was like [ __ ] [ __ ] myself. Are you [ __ ] serious?
And I and I that was the second time being with him with Caesar that I [ __ ] myself.
So he's like [ __ ] homie you got and the other time I was like okay. Yeah. We were
He don't even need to say nothing. Just this.
Yeah.
Hey.
And then we get in the elevator. We're going up to the room. He's like, "Fuck it. I'll go up to the room so I can do a line." And and then uh he's coming to the room and like a service dude comes in the elevator with us. As soon as he comes in and the door closes, he's like, "Yeah, my cousin just [ __ ] himself." And then I'm like, "What the [ __ ] homie? Why do you got to tell him?" You know, he put me on blast like that. And the guy poor guy just like, "All right, like cool, man." You know, like
bro, we are in the same family. That sounds like my family activity.
And then another time we [ __ ] her pants.
Yeah,
she did it. Damn, it another time I was at um we were at a we used to go to the South Salvadorian restaurant to on like Tuesdays they had like till I don't know from like 11 to like 2 p.m. It was 10 bucks. All you can eat papooseas and enchiladas,
right? So, you know, we're getting it in.
And same thing, I'm sitting across from Caesar.
And same thing, homie. I'm like, you know, it's a lot of beans and [ __ ] like, you know, so I'm like, "All right, I got to fart, you know, and then um you we're still getting after it." And then so, uh, same thing. I just, oh, you know, you feel like it's not going to be a fart and then I try to catch it,
you know, you know. Yeah. But something like, you know,
you got to cut off the soft serve.
Yeah. But some of that saucer made his way out and I'm like I'm like shocked because sometimes the handle is like stuck BRO I thought for sure bro I was like there was a fart and then like and then I'm look I'm like this and he's like what what's wrong he's looking you know we're sitting across from each other and I was like [ __ ] I [ __ ] myself he's like are you [ __ ] serious and he had just got a brand new Cadillac sedan
oh you're not getting in that
and this was before Uber homie so he's like he don't want to give me a ride
I would but I get up And I walk all awkwardly like clinching my butt cheeks together like to the bathroom. And then uh
I get in there and but thankfully I know I pull my pants on and it was like a perfect
little like it was like a chicken McNugget.
Okay.
And so I you know I just kind of liquid,
you know, I got some toilet paper and then picked it up. I was like, "All right, cool. Well, that's cool."
And uh but he wasn't having it. I get back out and I'm like, "Yo, homie. Uh like you know," he was like, "No, homie. You're not riding in my car." And I was like, "Are you [ __ ] serious? You're going to leave me?" I was like, "What am I going to do, homie? I got to call a taxi or what?
So, he got we get like a a newspaper. I finally got him to agree to put the newspaper
put the newspaper down, but I still couldn't even sit on the newspaper. He was like I was leaning up on the on the dash and he was holding me
by my back making sure I stayed on the dash. So, I'm just up on the dash
like like that homie with shitty pants and [ __ ]
Yeah.
Driving back to the pad. But yeah, I'll never forget that homie. My uncle Gilbert, Gilbert Ariano, he said he farted in the shower and two peanuts popped out and he stepped them through the grain the the grill down
the drain.
It wasn't corn.
He just he said two peanuts. I'm pretty sure it was two pieces of kaka, but we're just peanuts. Yeah. Okay. Cuz some kind of corn, you know, it comes out hole like that.
We just laugh cuz he's a funny thing to say. Just too Yeah. We be we be [ __ ] over here, bro. Man, I sharted so many times. I sharted at Trader Joe's. I tried to fart on a manager separate one than my joke on video. I sharted on this fool, Charles. I went to fart on him and I pushed too hard and a little went out cuz I was parting back then.
And I and I was I was like, "Oh." And he saw my face and he's like, "Oh, no you didn't, bro." Like, "No,
wait. I was trying to fart on him on the clock at Trader Joe's."
So, he was there like,
"Yeah,
he was already like, "Oh, you're about to fart on me something." No, I was, you know, I'm a stinker. I'm a trickster. I was like, "Hey, let me I gotta tell you something." So, what's up?
He's like, "What's up?" And I went
and I [ __ ]
And then I just remember my face. I went like, "Oh."
And he's like, "Oh, no, you didn't." And then I waddled away like this. He's like, "Oh, you did."
And then he was like sad about it.
Yeah. And then I threw my underwear away. Uh mudpie up on the top of the trash can. And I told my coworkers, "Hey, go in the bathroom, bro. Someone [ __ ] Someone [ __ ] their pants, bro. He was cool though. He's a cool manager. He was a sweetheart. He covered me on register while I went and washed my ass and got jeans and uh but then other managers full Garrett and Jordan like all these fools. I was like, "Hey, go look in there." And they went and they're like, "Oh, like you know who did that?" I was like, "Yeah, it was me, dog." Yeah. Yeah. And this is funny.
Yeah, it was me.
It was [ __ ] me, bro. He looked at my [ __ ] bro. Dude, I I one time I was uh that shitty underwear part in the trash can made me think of uh one time I was at a at a warehouse party.
Yeah.
Downtown right here. And uh same thing. I was with my cousins and um or one of them and then a couple other homies. And then uh we took some ecstasy. You know, sometimes it makes you feel me like the press pills especially. And there was a long ass line for the B. No.
And you're like, and I'm like clenching my butt, but you know, you're kind of sweating from it, too, cuz the ease kicking in, but you got a [ __ ] And I'm like trying to enjoy myself, like kind of dancing, but clinching. And the line, you know?
Yeah.
And then uh finally, I get in and I'm like, "Fuck." So I [ __ ] sit down. I [ __ ] [ __ ] A boom. And then you're like, "Ah, that's when the [ __ ] really kicks in." But then I look around, there's no toilet paper. I'm like, "Fuck."
No, bro.
I'm like, "Fuck. Are you kidding me?" You use your underwear, you throw them away.
Yeah. Well, thankfully I was wearing an undershirt.
Oh, you're good.
A white t-shirt and I [ __ ]
[ __ ] think that up and then [ __ ] put it in the trash can and I was like, "Hey, you know, [ __ ] survival, you know, and then uh
did you tell everybody look in the fuck?" Yeah. Just uh went and enjoyed myself.
Bro, we got the same stories. I got to tell that one. Every poop story you got, I go, "Oh, I got one, dude." Dude, I was uh working for American Home Loans in Irvine, California off Jamberee. It was a bunch of young coats. Everybody's partying. It was the most drugged out corporation ever. Shout out or sorry, I don't know if I'm right. I just mean to go to lunch. Hey, I'm going to the drug guy and just take orders like it was lunch and everyone. It was crazy. Anyways, we're young people making money [ __ ] partying. We go to this house party. This is young money. This is We're I'm 24 and everyone's working real estate, slanging loans. 24 on Coke, bro. We're at this raging Halloween party. Just badass women. Uh, young dudes with money. [ __ ] lifted trucks. Huntington Beach coke out. Coked out party.
Yeah.
House party though. Kraken. I'm in a disco attire. I'm disco stew. I'm in like tight, you know, bell bottoms, platforms, shirt button down here, like, you know, some [ __ ] 70s [ __ ] It was a style. I'll find the photo. It's a good photo, bro. I'm just like, "Anyways, do some coke. It's cut with baby laxative." Instantly, I go like, "Oh, fuck." Same exact story as you. I'm waiting in line to go [ __ ] but I cannot wait. I am going to [ __ ] my pants. So, I have two choices. I cut the line and I do coke [ __ ] in front of all these hot ass women in in Halloween attire. You know, I can't do that. I can't bomb a bathroom in front of 20 women. Bad women. Hotties. Huntington Beach cocaine tits. You know what I mean? I don't know how else to describe it, but a good time. So, I choose be to hit the streets. I'm running down the street. I'm about to [ __ ] my pants. I p I go to [ __ ] on this guy's front lawn. As I pull my pants down, they pull in the [ __ ] driveway like it's a [ __ ] movie, bro. I'm trying to run away. It's too like fools, though. They're like, you know, for lack of better words, it looks like they like the Raiders. They're like, "What you doing?" And I was like, I played it off drunk. I'm just going to go pee pee. I'm sorry. I'm at that party right there. I'll go pee on that house. My bad. I just That was a line for the bathroom. I didn't say I was pooping, you know. I had newspaper and everything. I picked up their newspaper, girl. I was about to wipe with newspaper. I run down the street. Now I'm about to [ __ ] myself. I find this church, but like this back area, I [ __ ] on the steps, bro.
I squat, but I'm spray spraying cocaine laxative diarrhea shits.
Oh.
And I'm squatting like this. So, I'm pissing too. And I pee all and I pull my pants out. I'm pissing too. [ __ ]
Well, when you're [ __ ] and you're pushing, your dick's going like this. It's a pendulum, bro.
I'm spraying this poor church st the back though, not the front. Jesus Christ. What's I'm pissing, but my pants are down, you know. So, I'm just [ __ ] dousing my pants with the piss.
Yeah.
I pee all over my pants. I'm like, "Oh, no." But I had a change of clothes cuz I was crashing my buddy's house in Huntington Beach. And um and I also stole my sister's car cuz my tags were expired cuz I think that's when I first got hired cuz I had no tags. I cuz I was paying for drugs. I couldn't afford registration. It was bad. It was dark days, folks. I wasn't open no mail, no sheets on the bed. It was dark days, bro. Just a black outline. Just a filth.
Anyways, so I go I take pictures of it cuz I'm a psychopath. We could find those too one day. It's on my old hard drive. It's in the It's in the the [ __ ] safe over there. And this is the gaka pants. Anyways, go um [ __ ] Come back and change his clothes, his jeans and t-shirt. Ditch my costumes. This piss all over it. And then I said, you know, when you're drug like, I'm not telling nobody nothing. They go, hey, where were you? Why you wearing different? I like, oh, I [ __ ] on this church. It was coked up. I told everybody everything. I showed the dudes photos. Look at this. Like, you're sick. You're [ __ ] sick, bro.
You're sick.
You're sick. I was like, I'm cracked out, bro. I thought I was going to be funny, but you're a [ __ ] I didn't think. That's the difference. That's how you know you're a comic. Cuz other people won't say that and you're like, "Look at this diarrhea. Diarrhea. I did this. I did this." That's funny, right? Anyways, I'm on my healing journey. I'm on my healing.
Yeah, that's pretty much it. That's the show, bro. I love you. Thank you for doing it.
I love you, too. Proud of you. Everything.
I'm proud of you, too. Congrats on your sobriety. Congrats on your success. You're always going to get success, but when someone's drinking and druging, you're like, I don't know how long it's going to last.
But now that you're sober, try [ __ ] sky's the limit, baby. That was not a Hy Hitler sign. That was a sky limit. [ __ ]
That was a Yeah.
Yeah. Much love to you. Respect always to use you and yours. Thank you for doing it. Check out his special on Hulu, everybody. Check out social medias. Check him out on tour. Grab his merch. We're going to box up his bicycle right now. Namaste.
Hello. Hello. Hello. Is there anybody in there? Oh, no.