Transcription
Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the, uh, the world is 12,000 years old. Where'd you get that? Based on what? I asked them. Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added them up, all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages. 12,000 years. Well, how scientific. Okay, I didn't know that. You've gone in so much trouble there. That's good. You believe the world's 12,000 years old? That's right. Okay, I got one word to ask you. One word question. Ready? Dinosaur. You know, the world's 12,000 years old and dinosaurs existed, and they existed in that time. You think it would have been mentioned in the Bible at some point? And oh, Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth, but the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And oh, the disciples did run shrieking, "What a big lizard, Lord!" But Jesus was unafraid, and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus' paw, and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland, where he lived in a loch for oh so many years, years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat families and their fat dollar bills. And oh, Scotland did praise the Lord. "Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord."
But get this. I actually asked one of these guys, okay, dinosaur fossils, how does that fit into your scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in. He says, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those here to test our faith." Thank God I'm strapped in right now. Here, man. I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. You believe that? Uh, does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God might be messing with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around. "We will see who believes in me now. I am God. I am a prankster. I am killing me." You know, you die and go to St. Peter. "Did you believe in dinosaurs?" "Well, yeah, there was fossils everywhere." "You idiot flying lizard, you're a God was messing with you. It seems so plausible. Enjoy the Lake of Fire."
They believe this. You ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? D, you know, eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Looks like he rushed it. They believe the Bible is the exact word, word of God. Then they changed the Bible. Pretty presumptuous, huh? "I'll think what God meant to say." Never been that confident.