Transcription
For many of us, we get stuck decluttering because we don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to have to live with that regret. I don't want to be wasteful. But what if we could take all of the fear out of it? What if it was actually impossible to make a mistake when you were decluttering?
But here's what happened recently. I got sucked in the TV show Alone. The kids were watching it and we started watching it together on vacation. And it completely reframed how I think about stuff. Alone is a survival show where contestants are dropped into remote wilderness locations. But the best part was one of the gentlemen, he decided to tap out at day 40. But what he said afterwards when they asked him about re-entry was so profound to me. He said, "I realized I have it so good. I have health. I have a family that loves me. I am [music] rich in every way."
When the host asked about the process of transitioning back after 40 days, this is what he said. Oh, that process is absolutely miserable. When you're out there, you tap into a total different level of consciousness where you feel so alive in a way that you've never felt before. And when you get put back into this environment, you feel so overstimulated. [music] All you want to do is just clutch onto that feeling that you had out there. And everything in the modern world is just slowly trying to suck it back out of you. [music]
And so what I believe he was perfectly describing was the hierarchy of need. Masow's hierarchy of needs. The hierarchy of needs was developed by Abraham Maslo as a way to explain what humans need in order to feel secure, fulfilled, and ultimately [music] satisfied in life. The basic idea is simple. We have foundational needs like food, water, shelter, and rest. And once those are met, we're able to focus on higher level needs like relationships, [music] meaning, and purpose. Because it clearly shows something important. Physical stuff only lives at the very bottom. [music] Once those basic needs are met, adding more things doesn't move us upward. [music] It just keeps us stuck at the base. And that's why decluttering isn't about deprivation. It's about clearing the excess so [music] we actually have the capacity to move on to the parts of life that matter more.
And what he found this base level of physiological needs very important, right? But the fascinating part, once the need is met, continuing to meet it with more things and better things does not make us happier. Again, can I say that again? Continuing to meet and remain needs does not make us happier. And so more stuff does not move us up. In fact, it just keeps us circling the base levels and having to care for all of this stuff. And how do we know this? We know this because if stuff really worked, we'd all feel fulfilled by now. If stuff really worked, we'd all feel fulfilled right now because we are drowning in stuff. And I know you've seen this play out in your own life, too, right? I did a video about a year ago this time and I was like, well, having duplicate coffee mugs is ruining our lives, basically, right? Because the first coffee mug meets the need. It's important. We need something to put our hot coffee into. So, the first coffee cup meets the need. The fifth mug adds friction, not joy. And the 20th mug, well, that just adds stress. And so once the need is met, when we continue to meet and meet and meet and overmeat and get the cuter mug and all of that, it gives us a short burst of happiness. Sure, we all have a little release of dopamine when we buy something, get something new, see something cute. It's fun, right? We have a really short-lived blip of happiness and then we fall back into this trap where now we're again we're circling the bottom layer just trying to maintain and organize and take care of all of our stuff.
And as we continue to talk about the hierarchy of needs in this video, I think it's really important to point out that sleep is at the foundational level. It's right down there with food and shelter and water. And it's where we get confused sometimes. We overoptimize the things that don't actually matter and undersupport the things that help us to function really well. And so today's video is sponsored by Helix Sleep. I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress for 5 years now. I get a great night's sleep. And I want that for you, too, so you can show up being the best version of yourself possible. And right now is the perfect time to upgrade your mattress with their exclusive partner sale where you can save 27% off sitewide. And so Helix Sleep makes premium mattresses customized to fit your needs and conveniently delivered right to your door. And of course, what I love about Helix is how easy they make it to get matched with your perfect mattress, too. You just take their sleep quiz. It takes about a minute and you answer questions about how you sleep, your body type, firmness, preference, and they use that to match you to a mattress that actually fits you. [music]
And so, I'm a side and stomach sleeper. I like my mattresses a little more on the firm side. And so, I was matched with a Helix Dusk. And something newer that we've really loved too are their [music] mattress toppers. If you don't need or want to replace an entire mattress, a topper is such a smart way to improve comfort, extend the life of a mattress, or upgrade a guest bed. And so, we were able to put a premium mattress topper on Adeline's mattress here at my parents house, and it made such a big difference in her sleep. And the reason I can so confidently recommend Helix is because they give you a 120 night sleep trial. So, you get over 3 months to sleep on your new mattress, test it out, and make sure that it's just the right fit for you. They also have a lifetime warranty and there's free shipping in the US. And so for me, as sleep is one of those things I just don't mess around with. I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress for 5 years now, and it has made a huge difference in how rested I feel physically, mentally, emotionally. When you're sleeping well, everything feels more manageable. So, it's quick, it's easy, and it makes a huge impact in your life. And it's on sale. So, again, right now, with their exclusive partner offer, you can save 27% off sitewide.
All right, so we got food, shelter, clothing, great sleep. Let's talk about what we're going to do with all the rest of the stuff in our homes. And so this topic, this idea, this is my favorite to talk about because here's why. Anytime I want to share an idea with you like this, I base it on three things. So what is my own experience with it? What does the research say? And what have I experienced through other people and especially like our membership community around us? So what have I experienced for myself? What does the scientific research say? And what do I see others experiencing as well? And then when I look at this topic through all three of those lenses, it all says the same thing. None of us are happier with more stuff. But I know many of us say, "But Dawn, I have made a mistake when it comes to decluttering. There is something I got rid of and now I feel bad about it or it was wasteful or that I could have used it." So I am absolutely going to address that. I know exactly what you mean by that. But again, I just want to reiterate this that if we are truly trying to seek some kind of happiness, fulfillment, love in our lives, for almost all of us, we already have everything we need, but we are just trapped in this base level trying to take care of all of this stuff that we've acquired.
So again, I love this pyramid because when you look at it, the base level is physical safety needs. Okay? So that's where we find the stuff. Food, clothing, water, shelter. Okay? And then we have safety. Of course, if if there is something threatening our safety, of course, we got to take care of that, too, right? But then right up from that is love. And throughout this this season of Alone, it was so fun to see just the appreciation that the contestants were having for all of their family and loved ones to the point where most of them would say if they could pick one thing that they would have wanted at that point. It wasn't more food, even though a lot of them were near starving. They would have just loved a visit from one of their loved ones. And how much appreciation they were having for family and loved ones and friends. And so it's very important. We know that. But have you also seen how all of this stuff and clutter around you can strain those relationships? How you don't always get to be the best version of yourself, the best mom, the best spouse, the best partner, the best daughter, friend. Isn't it amazing how we've let this stuff that really isn't adding much value to our life? How we've let it steal from those areas of our life as well? But again, good news as we continue to declutter and simplify it. It just these things become so much easier. Everything about moving up the pyramid becomes so much easier.
And then as you move up even more, we have esteem and how we feel about ourselves. And then self-actualization. Now, this can take on different forms. And I think though as you move up, for most of us, it doesn't become about selfish pursuits. It's how can I add value to the world around me? How can I use my life to intersect others to make it better? Because I think the only way we can really have meaning in life is if we see our life positively impacting another. And for some of us, that's one-on-one and it's the people directly in front of us. For others, we have a little bit bigger ambitions. Like, ooh, one is great, five is awesome. What about 50? Within each of us, we have these dreams and desires and hopes and and this need that we can't often put a finger on what it is. But I do sincerely believe we are all meant to contribute in a way. We're meant to intersect our lives with other people's to make it a little bit better. You know that you've experienced that before. But how can we do that consistently?
And I know this time last year too, I shared about the World Happiness Report. It was a doozy when that came out last year. Oh man, it was so discouraging because here we are as Americans. I mean, again, for most of us, things are tight for a lot of us. Don't get me started on grocery prices and whatnot, right? But we all have it all, right? As Americans when we look around and to see for the first time we weren't even in the top 20 of the happiest countries that we are continuing to decline but also that our young people are really struggling right now our teenagers and early 20somes looking for this like how do I move up this pyramid how does my life matter why is it important that I'm here and so it's good things they're wrestling with but I don't think we're giving them the right solution in fact in that same happiness report they said that those who volunteered one time a month. One time a month. If you volunteer one time a month, you can increase your personal happiness by 30 to 70%. So again, what I'm saying like look at the research. What is the research telling us? It's telling us that stuff is stressful. We release stress hormones when we have clutter around us. But it's telling us, hey, this pyramid is kind of right on because when I'm helping others, when I'm intersecting my life with others, when I can see that impact that I'm making in their lives, when I can make it just a little bit better, I feel happier and they feel happier, too. Win-win. Doesn't that seem how it should be? But again, this stuff keeps bogging us down in the base layers. It keeps us bogged down at the bottom.
So, we see the the new cars, the new tech stuff with a new iPhone. Oh my goodness. So, if I heard about the new iPhone one more time for my children, right, mom? Like, look how cool it's orange. You know, I'm like, yes, they know exactly what they're doing when they make it orange. So, everyone knows you have the brand new iPhone. And if I can help them to realize one thing, it is this. It is that you are going to Absolutely. Is there a high when you get that new thing? Absolutely. But what does it look like? It looks like this. And then we we're right back down to where we started. It are there some of these things that are tools that we need, right? I still Yeah, absolutely. I want to have my computer. I want to have a microwave. I want to have a Ninja Flip and and a cell phone. I'm not about making I'm not I don't want to rough it. I don't actually want to rough it like those people on the TV show were, right? But once the need is met, having more phones and more laptops and nicer ones and better ones, again, once the need is met, we're not any better off. In fact, look around and are those things keeping you stuck down in that base level? Okay, so I think we're grasping this and hopefully you're realizing too like, oh yeah, the duplicates aren't adding any value to my life. In fact, they're detracting from it.
But Dawn, oh my goodness, I have made a mistake when it comes to decluttering. I have made a mistake and it made me feel really crappy about myself, right? Okay, let's talk about it. And why can I so boldly tell you that I don't think you can make a mistake when it comes to decluttering? Okay, let's unravel this a little bit. So basically what you're saying when you say like, I made a mistake when I was decluttering. We've all done it. You know, I have a handful of things I'm like, "Yep, could have used that later." Right? So, what I was proposer saying is that not necessarily that it was a mistake, but I felt discomfort when I was decluttering. I felt discomfort when I was decluttering. So, it's not that decluttering was a mistake. It was I felt discomfort when I was decluttering. And so, then I would ask you the question, because we feel discomfort when we're doing something doesn't mean that that thing was wrong. There's lots of times when we've set out to make changes and there's discomfort. We might even make a decision that we look back and say maybe that wasn't the best decision, but I was working with the information that I had at the time. So discomfort doesn't mean that it was wrong. I think we can all agree on that.
And so I would say if we're feeling regret when we were when we're decluttering, what if we reframed it like this? Decluttering wasn't wrong, but I'm probably still in the messy middle. If I'm still beating myself up a little bit over that, rolling around in my brain, maybe even another family member or someone else in my household pointed out the mistake. H gross. And of course, your brain's going to say, "Don't do that again." Our brain is trying to avoid discomfort at all cost. So, it's like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. That didn't feel good. Don't do it again." Right? Okay. So, we experience some discomfort when we were decluttering. Anytime you change a system before the new one is fully built, your brain panics a little. That's not wisdom. That's just the brain wanting the familiar back. Regret usually shows up because the cluttered system is gone, but the simplified system isn't finished yet. And so most often what I see is that we don't regret decluttering. We regret being between systems. And so again, even worst case scenario, you end up replacing one or two things later. That doesn't invalidate the whole process. It doesn't make the whole process wrong. If anything, we've learned from it and we're clearer about what actually matters. So clutter, it constantly keeps us guessing, keeps us on edge, keeps us trying to predict the future. But simplifying teaches us discernment.
And so again, if you're still feeling bad, a little shameful, guilty about a decluttering decision that you made, what I would propose is that you're still in the messy middle. You haven't arrived yet. Because once you get to the other side, once you are living in a fully simplified home, you are not going to beat yourself up about those decisions anymore. You are going to be so happy with where you are. You're going to be like uh like Joel in the wilderness. So grateful for the clarity that you have about what truly matters. So grateful for the self-confidence that you've gained. What you can see on the horizon, how you feel hopeful about the future, how you feel happier, how you can think about different ways that you can intersect your lives with others. You are not going to give a crap about the stuff that you decluttered. I promise you. And again, how can I feel so confident telling you this? Because I've experienced it. I've seen it in thousands thousands of other women [laughter] now over the last uh 10 years. And the research backs it up as well. So, if you felt like you've made a mistake when it comes to decluttering, welcome to the club. We're so glad that you're here. But don't let it stop you. Don't let it stall you out. Say, "Ah, I'm in the messy middle." And keep going because the true freedom and true reward is right on the other side.
When people say they regret decluttering, what they usually mean is that they stopped in the messy middle. They removed the old system, but they didn't stay long enough to experience the freedom of the new one. Regret isn't a sign you did it wrong. It's a sign you're still in progress. And so, I think it's helpful to remember that just as the contestants struggled re-entering our noisy world, we struggle living inside one. So, remember, clutter isn't failure. It's just data. It's a symptom of the world that we live in. And I fully believe that you're not going to regret getting rid of things that were never satisfying you in the first place. Like those contestants on this TV show, humans thrive when the basics are clear.
And of course, I'd love to help you declutter more. Let's stick together. I have tons of videos to help you declutter every area of your home. And like I mentioned earlier, if you could use a little more hands-on support, a little more daily encouragement, then I invite you to check out our membership community as well. But I'm going to link to our long format decluttering videos. These can these can be really helpful to put on in the background when you're working because I know how we get twisted around in our own head. We can watch a video like this and be like, "Yes, I got it. Okay, I'm all in." And then we hold up something that we spent money on and we get all confused again. [laughter] All right? So, we just have to keep reminding ourselves why we're doing it. I'm moving up the pyramid. I'm not staying stuck in the bottom. So, it's helpful if we can do it together and remind each other why we're doing what we're doing. I love you. I hope you have a really good day and I'll see you again soon.