Being Homeless Sucks

There is the open chair. Then come on, Malcolm. You come on in. Being homeless sucks, doesn't it? Should have left, I bet you stink. I bet your balls are stuck to your leg right now. My tongue and my balls. Oh, wow. It almost sucks. It just does. It's hard to carry in here. Just, like, you go out there, if you start getting too steeped, you have to remember, like, got to get out of self and keep that mindset. 'Cause it's easy to put things, you know, like, "Okay, I'm going to go toward worldly things 'cause I have to take care of myself." You know? So then I don't put God first. So then it's a battle between idolatry and God. And so, like, "Just help, Jesus, help."

Well, the craziest part is, every time he tries to help you, you say no. I don't want to do that. I don't know how to display. You just stay. You fight past your own self. You resist. You just stand. You literally just, for everybody, you literally just don't leave. It's okay to get up and storm out. Just don't go out the door. Right? And start processing, "Why am I so angry? Why am I so angry?" No reason at all. Stuff that I've collected and hung on to. Stuff that won't burn out because I won't expose it and just surrender my own idea of what God should be doing. Yeah. Want to do that? Yeah. It's a choice.

And, like, for the past few years, I've been, you know, ever since I came here, long in the program, I came back then, and I was seeking revival in my heart for God. The restoration. Remember the second time I came here? Got a scripture for you. He was moving. So I've been seeking that revival in my heart for two years now. It's clearly either die or live. And God's warning me about that. But he don't want that. He wants me to live, you know? And stuff. But it's his way, you know.

I hate the internet here. If I'm connected to Wi-Fi, it's going to suck. I got a scripture for you. Have a cook for you too. Says, uh, I'll read it to you. "Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time; make them known in wrath, remember mercy." Let me read it in New King James. Uh, King James? No, not even that one. I don't know which version. Either way, it's a, it's a scripture about revival. 32. You know, to pray scripture is a powerful thing. So that's the whole reason behind getting that one and getting some in your heart so that you can begin to to pray those things. Like, "Make me a pure heart and a right spirit." That's scripture. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable and pleasing to you." It means, let everything that comes out of my, why, my mouth honor and glorify. And for God to look down and smile on what's coming out of my mouth because it's bringing life. To be able to pray scripture, "Father God, bring me to a full understanding that I am a peculiar people, a chosen generation, a royal priest." God, let me know that. First Peter. First Peter 2:9. So good. Let, let me know that all things, God, let me know, know in my heart that all things are going to work together for the good, for my good, because I love you and because I know I'm called according to your purpose. To be able to begin to pray like, right, meditate. What does it mean to meditate? To listen partially? Anybody know? Like, legitimately, to take the scripture and speak it. Let's read it. 'Cause, go ahead. What? To clear every thought in your head. I think all of these are getting there, right? But to meditate on scripture would be to clear everything. For me, it would be clear everything except for that scripture. And it's like a, a desperation, right? We talked a little bit about desperation. To desperately cry out in the midst of that scripture for understanding. And then, then I, I think when I get full understanding of a specific scripture, then it can be truly written and etched into my heart, right? Because I know it. I believe it. I know it to be true. Man, to, to, to begin to pray for people. How, how would you, how, how do you think would be the most effective way to pray for someone?

I'm about to take y'all in a direction. Go for it, Jimmy. With the word of God. Uh, yes, of course. Absolutely. What, uh, I feel that when you can relate to the person's situation, there we go. Now we're getting. You have more, more powerful prayer. You know, they're coming from. That's getting there. That's getting there. Now we're getting there. We got to get very specific in this one. What I was going to say, like, to declare that you let God speak from him through you into the person. That's absolutely it. But God has already. So, listen, I think the way we think about God speaking, we, our testimony. To envision our testimony would be to hear the word of God. What to pray for them? What I would want for myself. That's a great way, especially to pray for your enemies. So, listen, check this out. It, it ties into what most of you have said. But so, to hear God's voice would be, in my mind's eye, to see my story. I can see myself right now as I'm talking to you, sitting in that suburb where I could see my breath that morning when Leah was asleep right next to me. I'm looking at her husband's travel trailer. And I'm sitting up and I'm thinking, "What am I doing?" I can see it in my mind. I can remember the desperate feeling, the desperation, the wanting death, the not the desire to never hurt someone again, whether it be her emotionally, or anyone physically, or even my kids. 'Cause a few about a week before that, Nolan had called me on Thanksgiving day and was like, "Dad, I don't even know who you are anymore." And then, listen. So when I go to intercede for a man that wants restoration, that wants freedom from addiction, I remember that place of desperation. And then I can instantly go into that moment in '02 when Jesus blew his breath on my face in the living in the dining room area of Normandy and they showed me everything I'd ever done. And I went to Sha Miller and said, "What do I do next, God? I just, I know for, I know now that he loves me. He loves me. And I know he's real. What do I do?" And he said, "You got to get back." And I went in there and started filling up the tub. So I take that moment, that desperate, desperate moment when I didn't even know he was real, that moment of adultery, that moment of of of addiction, that moment of of loss and want and need and, uh, and self. And I take that and I, I merge it. I marry it. I marry it. So whenever I go to pray for somebody, I have this broken moment knowing that there's redemption. I take the victory. And that's where I pray from.

I can get to the place, listen, if you can imagine it as bondage, right? To the children of Israel were in bondage and enslaved in Egypt. Yes, yes. And I can't. Gersam? Was it Gersam? Where they lived? Was Gersam? They lived in a place called Gersam at one point. Listen, Gersam was the most beautiful area of all Egypt. And and and Pharaoh loved Joseph so much, he gave him Gersam. But then they, and then over several hundred years, full enslavement, all these things take place. But listen, we, we knew, we know exactly how to get to our house in Egypt. Look, check it out. Anybody in here can remember, you may have lived in a multitude of houses throughout your life, but there's that one house that you know how to get to right now. You remember it. Everybody remember that house? You remember that house? Okay. So that's that place. That's that memory of being in that suburban. That's that house. That's that house in Egypt, in bondage, in full bondage, captivity. And there's somebody else. Listen, there's somebody else on that street. And when I have an opportunity to pray, all I got to do, I know exactly how to get that address. But I got freedom now. Listen, you got to take people out of captivity. Moses was always free. He was free. That's why it needed somebody to come back in and lead them to freedom. Does that make sense? You're free. Does everybody understand that? You're free. That's how you pray. You pray from a place of freedom by taking the memory of that place. That day walking, no shoes, limping over here at less than 24 hours after you get a rod put in your leg and you got no shoes and you're hoping a let you stay there. You remember that place? Yeah. That's where you go. You go to that place. Listen. And you go to that place. And then whenever that, that place where you got given some shoes, take those. That's that's two. That's a good place to pray for a new man. That dude next to you. Remember that. And then remember that and pray over him in that way. Because what you'll do is you'll go, "Know how to get to that address." But then you also know what, what freedom looks like. You know how to get through the Red Sea. You know how to get to the other side. You know what it looks like to not be intimidated by by the giants. You know what it is to to be satisfied with the manna, to not grumble and complain, 'cause you know what it is to choke on quail. Some of y'all don't remember all the that came from you. Noted the cakes and the. Oh my God, it was so much to make you sick. Half you got diabetes while you in the program. We're saving lives and killing people all at the same time. And so you, that's how you pray. That, that, that place. You remember that place. You see it. See it in your. Remember the smell. Remember the taste. Remember that, that bitter taste of loneliness, of desperate loneliness. You know what I'm talking about? You remember that? You remember whenever she wouldn't answer your calls? You were so desperate to know, just even if she still cared. And then you went to fantasizing about her somebody else and slightly got turned on by it 'cause we're up. Oh, I'm the only one? No, hell no. Her for doing it. And then think about it when I'm jerking off. Just being honest. Remember that place? That lost place where that was. And knowing now that, listen. And then, and then, and then knowing now that the restoration has occurred. That, and it'll happen. L, there'll still be some opposition, but it'll happen. When she starts asking, "What should I do again?" Remember when they didn't trust you to ask what should they do? You know what I'm talking about? Jimmy didn't trust you anymore to ask your advice on a on a sound decision. But, but now they start to again. They tiptoe in into that water. That's what you take. You take that place. Listen. You take that from a man that, that, that new man right there, that's destroyed his marriage, that's walked, that's abandoned his children. Jimmy has too. And guess what? His wife shows up every Sunday. So Jimmy takes that. Jimmy needs to take that and he needs to pray that over that dude 'cause he knows the address. He knows that address of wondering if he's lost it all, wondering if he'll ever get it back. Jimmy knows the rest. Some of you other ones do too. I'm just, I'm pointing him out specifically right now. What, what about your mom showing up? Didn't ever think she would talk to you again. Anybody had that experience? Yeah. There you go. Your dad, right? Didn't ever think he'd talk to you again. And now what? He's showing up every Monday with your little brother. Little brother's over there weeping and crying while y'all are praying for him. So you know what it looks like to be restored back to your family. Man, that's powerful. That's how we pray. That's the place we pray from. That's what gives us the authority. Experience. We, we can set the captives free because we know the way out. That's what gives us the ability to do it. And we don't shy away from their address 'cause that's where we used to live. You get it? We know. We know everything about that place. Not everybody talks about it as openly as I do, right? Right. I just want y'all to know that we all come from the same place. We all suffer from the same sicknesses. We all have the same twisted in our minds that go. Because the enemy uses the. There's nothing new under the sun. He's got the same bag of tricks. And if one's overcome it, it means everybody can overcome. But they do not want. They, nobody in their flesh wants you to even know that. Listen, even the people that you think love you, if they don't know God, they don't love you. Let's say that. And there's a part of them that want you you to stay where you're at because it makes them feel good that they constantly have to help you. And so that, that's what'll begin to, that's what'll make the attack start to happen as you stand on your own feet again. But then, listen, this is the crazy part. Everything has to worship God. Everything. Everything has to submit to the presence of Jesus. Everything. So even though they'll be at war with you at first, 'cause, 'cause the world hated him at one point, they'll have to submit to that thing inside of you. That they'll run and never talk to you again. And either one's okay. 'Cause this is the deal. Somebody else, it's going to be somebody else they get it from. I hate that my wife doesn't always get from me. She's not always received from me. She'll receive from a jackass fool sometimes before she receives from me. Like the biggest idiot. P, I'm like, "Why are you listening to him?" And she's like, "Oh, because he spoke right to my place." And I'm like, "I've been saying that for 7 months. I've been saying that for 7 months." But she can't listen. Some things, some things they can't receive from us. And listen, for all of you married men, stop trying to teach your wives. You're called to lead them, not teach them. You're called to wash them in the word, not teach them. If you go to teach them, you're going to be frustrated, and they're going to cut the out of you 'cause they know all your flaws and weaknesses. Just is what it is. So you listen. You put one foot after the number, or other after the another, and you become consistent in your walk, and they will begin to follow you in that thing. And that's called leadership. You love them when they're telling you, asking you if you just the fat woman working at 7-Eleven because we're, listen, to who we were, deserve to be asked the question. Oh yeah. Own that. And so be willing to go to counseling. Be willing to expose anything on your phone. Offer it up automatically. And don't ask for the same in return. Look, everything I got, I don't even need to see. I trust you. And, and listen, and even if they're not trustworthy, do you love them? Yes. 'Cause listen, if you, they have to give you something to trust, then you don't love them, just so you know.

Somebody give me Nehemiah 5. Somebody else give me Nehemiah 6. What? Yeah. I, listen, I, so Craig, there's like five people. So Brandon Putty, the one that followed Raymond Zeller out, he wasn't even clean long enough to be not high. He followed the other dude out that was from here 'cause that dude, listen, everybody's too to leave on their own. That's just how it looks like. So I believe that that other dude sold him a bag of goods. And now that he's out there in a place that he knows nobody, they got him over 11 Oaks. Have anybody familiar with 11 Oaks? That's where he's at. He's trying to do the right thing. I don't know if he's us or not. And it doesn't really matter to me. But I do believe that he followed that other guy out. That other guy had been here a week longer. And they were over there with on with phase one guys that can't go to Oceans yet. So are we good? Yes, sir. All in favor say I. I. There you go. Listen, when he gets here, having him call his dad. His dad's worried about it. What? Yeah. I'm sorry, you got to go pee. No. Oh, okay. Uh, I, I have a question because I've been on fire for God because I was in a situation. Now I'm no longer in that situation. I'm still on fire and I'm scared that it's not that I'm not always going to feel that way. What do I do to stay where I'm at? Follow instruction. Feel like it's not always going to feel good. Sometimes it's going to feel horrible. Right now, listen, I've been in, I'm in a season. I'm just in a season where the weight and the pressure and the everything's there. Like, I'm not overwhelmed. I'm not giving up. None of that. But it's like it does not. And my wife is sick, which there's nothing worse than your wife being sick and having having to take care of the baby. Look, when she's not sick, I'm all in. I help. But when I have to do it, oh my God, it was miserable last night. Not taking care of her, but taking care of the baby. I don't know why. It just was like, can't I even get a break? Change and do diaper and God dang. Doesn't feel good. I promise. Maybe y'all don't register that one. But for some reason, because I had to, it was not as joyful as me feeling like a good husband that's just helping. You know what I'm saying? It's just different. Does that make sense? It ain't going to feel good. Matt, just ain't great right now. Just keep following. Yeah, yeah. But keep following instructions. 'Cause whenever I tell you, you're not allowed to have a phone as long as you're at Meni, you're going to hate life. Not right now. Not right now. And I completely agree. Six months away from it. But whenever everybody else around you that's been here six months is getting one, uh, me and Andy, five. Come on with a C.

Nehemiah 5. "Now the men and their wives raised a great outcry against their fellow Jews. Some were saying, 'We and our sons and daughters are numerous; in order for us to eat and stay alive, we must get grain.' Others were saying, 'We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards and our homes to get grain during the famine. Still others were saying, 'We have had to borrow money to pay the king's tax on our fields and vineyards. Although we are of the same flesh and blood as our fellow Jews and though our children are as good as theirs, we have to subject our sons and daughters to slavery. Some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but we are powerless because our fields and vineyards belong to others.' When I heard their outcry and these charges, I was very angry. I pondered them in my mind and then accused the nobles and officials. I told them, 'You are charging your own people interest!' So I called together a large meeting to deal with them and said, 'As far as possible, we have brought back our fellow Jews who were sold to the Gentiles. Now you are selling your own people only for them to be sold back to us.' They kept quiet because they could not find anything to say. So I continued, 'What you are doing is not right. Shouldn't you walk in the fear of our God to avoid the reproach of our Gentile enemies? I and my brothers and my men also are lending the people money and grain. But let us stop charging interest! Give back to them immediately their fields, vineyards, olive groves and houses, and also the interest you are charging—1 percent of the money, grain, new wine and olive oil.' They replied, 'We will give it back and will not demand anything more from them. We will do as you say.' Then I summoned the priests and made the nobles and officials take an oath to do what they had promised. I also shook out the folds of my robe and said, 'In this way may God shake out of their house and possessions anyone who does not keep this promise. So may such a person be shaken out and empty!' At this the whole assembly said, 'Amen!' and praised the Lord. And the people did as they had promised. Moreover, from the 20th year of King Xerxes when I was appointed to be governor in the land of Judea—wait, did you start in the sixth? No, okay. Keep going. My bad. Moreover, from the 20th year of King Xerxes when I had appointed to be their governor in the land of Judea until his 32nd year—12 years—neither I nor my brothers ate the food allotted to the governor. But the earlier governors, those preceding me, placed a heavy burden on the people and took 40 shekels of silver from them in addition to food and wine. Their assistants also lorded over the people. But out of reverence with God, I did not act like that. Instead, I devoted myself to the work of this wall. All my men were assembled there for the work. We did not acquire any land. Furthermore, 150 Jews and officials ate at my table, as well as those who came to us from the surrounding nations. Each day one ox, six choice sheep, some poultry were prepared for me, and every 10 days an abundant supply of wine of all kinds. In spite of all this, I never demanded the food allotted to the governor because the demands were heavy on these people. Remember me with favor, my God, for all I have done for these people."

You know, about two months ago, I, as I prayed and I asked what he thought of me, right? What, what he thought of me. And it was Luke 14:14. That what I'm doing can never be repaid. I'll have to be repaid in heaven. That's what it said. Which, to me, reflects that "well done, good and faithful servant." Right? But there's a part of me right now in this season. This is why this word was so profound. I have a board meeting today, right? Uh, we've talked about salary before, and I've always told them, "It's not time. It's not time. It's not time." Because, because, uh, there's no way we can even do it. There's no way we could do it. Uh, and so, like, this morning, knowing I'm coming into this, but everything my life has gotten, there's more pressure. I, I truly at a place where wants and needs, right? All my needs are met. But I also, as I, you know, my, uh, Nicole's electricity got cut off yesterday at 10:00. She needed $180. But I also feel like that's God growing them. Like they, 'cause last weekend they were doing a barbecue at his mom's. The weekend before that, they were in Dallas. But now their electricity is out. You know what I'm saying? So there's, but there's a part of me that wants to be like, like my son, Brandon, right now. He's working. He saved up about $700. He had a car, the transmission went out. He's trying to get. He just wants an old truck. He don't even want anything new. And so he needs $1,1500. So there's these things like, I want to be a good dad. Like, I'm, I'm in position now where I could, I could be a good dad. I'm not trying to buy public. I'm not trying to go get nice for myself or anything, right? Just to be a good husband, be a good father. My last birthday's around the corner. Still don't know how we're getting the SUV. That was in God's hands. Uh, we got the venue. We've got a tiny horse. We got two regular-sized horses. Appaloosas, like Oreo Appaloosas, beautiful. That they're going to ride in on. So the girls have been looking. So where they're going to do, like, prom-style dresses from like Goodwill. Like they're getting all the ladies that are coming involved. Where they're all going to wear these like dresses. I'm going to go to the shed. Listen, my deal is, I'm putting pressure on anybody that's ever said they love what we do as a ministry. I'm going to him and I'm saying, "Look, I've never asked anything for myself ever, but none of what I've accomplished could be done without my wife. I need this help." So anyway, and part of that is, one of my pressures right now is, is, uh, we're, we're out of this house in 8 months. And I'm believing in God that we're going to own a house, right? 'Cause I know that God is good enough that if I died, my wife wouldn't be caught trying to figure out how to pay for a home. You know, I don't, I don't believe that in God's goodness. I say all that because I'm having to stand on that prayer. Like, I, I've never made it where we're out fundraising. Right? I don't send y'all out to sell bread and crosses, uh, because I'm intentional about what we do to disciple you men, uh, to let you grow, to let you choose your own path. That's why we do NAACR. I want you to pick a path that works for you. It's not just how I say, right? We, but we, we work in trades and we, we pay you guys even when we don't have money coming in. We don't only pay the minimum wage. When, when you are buildable, we pay it the whole time you're in third phase, whether we have money coming in or not. And so I'm at this place where I'm like, I get a little frustrated because of, uh, some responses from the bigger churches. They're like, "We're doing this just so you can get ahead for the next few years, and then, and then you'll be need to be on, you know, you need to be able to stand up." I'm like, "Y'all have stewardship [ __ ] up. Y'all [ __ ] it up. Y'all, that's what you're doing." Listen, if God's going to refill the cup, he can't refill it 'til you pour that [ __ ] out. And some of their cups are going dry. Big churches going super dry because they're not pouring out. I, I don't know what it looks like. That's my only [ __ ]. So I got to go. And I'm like, like, I just got to go on my face before God and says, "God, I know you. I can't get mad at them. I can't get mad at them. But, but I need you to remember me favorably for all I'm doing, right? I need, I need that right now. I need you to show me favor." I got a call when I pulled up. I'm on the phone with somebody that says, "Hey, how sure are you all finish the building?" "$42,000." "How sure are you all finish your Yorktown?" "At least $75,000." And he's like, "Well, I can give you a loan for $70,000, but I need it back when y'all sell your town." And I'm like, "That sounds great, but I want my board to engage and help get me in front of people where we can raise $70,000." So I'm going, I'm going to lay it out there just so we get the buildings done. But honestly, if my board can't help me engage people, 'cause I've already raised 76 on my own and I'm not even supposed to be the one doing that. So God, I just need you to remember me favorably in this season, not for stuff for me. Does that make sense? That should be a prayer that we, I want y'all to get that in your spirits because, because listen, as you go and, uh, you begin to work and you begin to do this stuff, you need to know that you're going to be called to radical generosity. You're going to be called maybe to work at a place where financially it may not make sense. I mean, we have a minimal starting wage, but I guarantee you Jacob and his wife are raising a family on not enough. Not enough. So it's got to be one of those things where it says, "God, I know you're good. Remember me favorably for all." 'Cause this is, 'cause all you've called me to do. I didn't call myself. God called all of you out. Listen. And, and y'all know how I hate whenever people say the Prosperity Gospel. All the gospel is prosperous. So I guess if people, it could the allure of it be in a good life? People are mad because there's an allure of a good life in Jesus. I don't, I've never understood why people are against a Prosperity Gospel. Can anybody explain that? Like, uh, out just for the, nothing wrong with having money, but out for the riches and, yeah, but that's, listen, would God even allow that? Like, for just the riches? Like that means there's no intimacy. That means there's no anointing. That means, listen, that means even in you misleading them, God will get the glory out of their brokenness when they quit following a man. There you go. There go. So what's wrong? Like, but everything about the gospel is prosperous. Yeah, but nowhere in the word does it mention prosperity as being earthly. Will I, I don't disagree with that. But it also says it, listen, "You'll have all things in all sufficiency according to every good work." So there's some of you that are going to be called to a good work that has tremendous wealth. Some of you are going to be called to a good work of being intentional about coming home at 4:30 to raise your family because who your sons and daughters are called to be. And in that, you may just barely get by. But this is what I know about God's math. God's math multiplies. We're not in lack. I, there's things we, like, everything I listed off of why I'm praying that you, that stuff that I want, y'all heard that right? I want to be able to help my son. I want to, because he's doing good. I want to be able to do. I want to. But all of my needs are met, and my home is beautiful, and I have to diet because I'm getting so [ __ ] fat. You see what I'm saying? There's no lack. There's prosperity. We got given a golden doodle. We prayed for this dog. And I'm like, "Please, God, I don't want to deal with the puppy and [ __ ] and I hate animals." I don't hate on God, they're creatures. I love them. But give one that I can actually like a little bit. And sure enough, like, dude, that blew my mind. And L's mind 'cause we wanted the baby to have a dog too. And she literally drags this poor bastard around by the collar all day and thinks that he loves her. He does not wag his tail. Not one time. This tortured animal. It is something to behold. 'Cause she literally drags. Look, there's no fighting her. He's going where she goes. And there's no option. And she does it all day. She's going to her room to watch TV. He's going. He doesn't have a choice. She's going back in the living room. That dog's going anyway. That's awesome. But, but this is what I know is, look around. If this isn't prosperity, I don't know what it is. You got glasses, right? You got glasses coming by father that you thought you had ruined your relationship. Like, if that's not prosperity, I don't know what it is. Uh, I had, listen, transition guys, man. We, we talked to so-and-so about helping us get a car. Like, no, you save up. Buy a cash car for cash. Don't get under payments, right? So, yeah, prime example. Use me as an example. So, so literally, no, no, no. Check this out. But this is what it looks like to be obedient. They all three said, "Okay, help us. Help us find where to do that." Right? So, '05 Civic, 2009 Avalon, and, uh, and Jesse wants this. Actually, it's pretty cool. It's like a 1981 Dodge Ram Charger. It's like the Dodge version of a Bronco. 1500, 1800, 500. Wow. All cash prizes. I mean, all cash prices. And not only that, but anything they need, they can get for free to fix. David, Prosperity Gospel. You know that's a prosperity to me. Uh, I don't know if the AC works. Uh, I have, actually, yes, they did tell me that I need that. They did tell me that he and the Avalon. And so he said the Avalon, the Civic needs like a mirror and this and that. And the Avalon needs seats. If we're willing to swap them out, then they'll do it for $1,800. But if he has to swap the seats, they're going to charge $2,500. My whole point in saying that is like, and he said there's front end. He's front end work on that. But it's got a 318 in that Dodge. And it's, I drove that one. It's stupid fast. Pretty fun drive. But, but do you see what I mean? Like, just, just in obedience, and the favor. God, remember me favorably. Remember me favorably for all that I've done. I, I can get lost in that though too. God, look at all that I've done. Why? And then, but the beautiful part of that, listen, "all things work together for them that love the Lord and call according to his purpose." Right? That deal where I get caught up in all that I've done takes me to a place of desperation, which then I get the only real blessing. So, Prosperity Gospel, absolutely. Because what is not prosperous about Jesus? First and foremost, and everything that comes along with that is more fulfilling than I could ever imagine. So my earthly perspective is gone. My spiritual eyes are open. And I'm fulfilled. Right? And then I lost my train. Yep. It's gone. Well, can I say something? Hold on. I'm trying to recover it 'cause it was good, but not meant for this moment, I guess. Really? You're gone. It's so gone. Yeah. What do you got? Yeah, I thought it was going to be really, really good too. You know, and like it says to meditate on the word day and night, that way you may be prosperous in everything that you do. But a lot of it, you know, it says to like give away, you know, give away what you have. And, um, you know, different things that I don't, I don't really want to do, honestly. But it says you'll be prosperous. This is what I know to be true in my life. And I'll share my experience with you, not some lofty idea of what religion should look like, right? There's a constant flow in our lives because we give so much away. Commitment. Open up that place. God put on my heart to to do everything for them that nobody ever did for us, right? We gave them seven bunks. We gave them, uh, all this stuff, not so that we would be known, but because there, we had all the bunks sitting in storage, gathering dust. We had, we had those tables. We weren't even going to be able to fit all the new tables in the new build. See what I'm saying? Like, why wouldn't we? And, but this is what also I was convicted on. I was going to go through and give them the stuff that we didn't use. But then I got convicted on that. And I, no, nobody ever did for us was give us their very best. It's always been leftovers. And so I wanted to give them our very best. 'Cause that is what I believe it's supposed to, supposed to be as a believer. Even if the very best I got, 'cause I was going to give them, look, this is how it's going to work. I was going to give them the 20 chairs out of the existing building and those square tables. But we have the brand new round tables and the brand new chairs in storage. So instead of giving the old stuff, I was like, "No, no, no. We're going to give them the brand new stuff. We're going to give them the best we have." And in that, listen, in that, I know that it's a, it's a flow. There's a flow to it. I don't do it because there's a flow. The, like talked about yesterday, the tithe versus generous. We are who we are. Should be generous. Everything he says, "Remember me favorably for all I've done." And there's a part of my mind just now that says, "But all he was doing was what he was supposed to do. All I've been doing, all I've been doing, I'm not going extra. I'm not doing anything extra." Like, "Oh, look at the extra I'm doing." I'm doing everything that God's called me to do and spoken for me to accomplish. That's what I'm doing. Nothing extra. And listen, if I'm not fulfilled in it, I need to recheck, re-examine if this is my calling. If I'm not fulfilled in a way that surpasses a paycheck, then I need to examine if this is what I'm called to do. The next one is, if there's not something opposing. I'm not talking about just raw ass opposition because you're a piece of [ __ ]. Right? There's opposition that you deserve. Look, the opposition from my baby mama, fully deserved. They fully deserved to be allowed their anger, their pain, their hurt, and their resentments. Now, I hope they get healed for their own sake. But to be honest, I can't even get mad at them for it. You know why? 'Cause I was a piece of [ __ ]. Right? So although I want restoration, I got to allow them. So that kind of opposition, them opposing me, yeah, that's kind of just what I deserve. But there's other opposition. Like, they went another city council meeting happened. They went and slammed us again. Those guys. Listen, that guy that's protesting Rise and now he's talking with that other dude that used to be involved with us, Mike Wallace. Now they're saying that Mike used to, he's saying Mike saying he used to work here, that he was the pastor. Yeah. Little M. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Not from Rise. No, no. This is Michael Alice. He's another that we cut ties. But my, you remember him? He was never our pastor. No, but he was saying he, now he's saying, "I had to leave because it was so out of order there." And I'm like, "This is the most ordered disciple, like disciple I've seen." And I'm like, "Lord God, don't let me even entertain or watch these videos. Don't let me. Let me keep in my heart for them." I literally, I hear Mike Gonzalez's name and I pray that he receive everything that I ever have desired from the depths of my being, that it'd be poured out on him. I have to. And I mean that. For me, it's not just like a, a good Christian thought. Like, "Oh, God, give him all the joys of my life." No, no. Listen, there's [ __ ] struggles with those joys. Don't get it twisted. And if God pours out everything he's poured on me, it'll grow. That's just how logic and order, you know what I'm saying? But give it to him, God. Give him all the desires of my heart. Pour out everything you're going to give to me. Give it to him. I'm good with it because I don't want any form of bitterness to take root in my heart. But we need to read six. We're going to read it. We only got 5 minutes. But I, I want to talk about. There's one part I want to keep. I think it's, I think it's 6:1. But I want you to read. Yeah, go for it. Start reading. Not you. I was pointing at Carl. You got to look at who I'm pointing at. Start at 6. The very top. Start at 6 and go through. "When the word came to Sanballat, Tobiah, and the rest of our enemies that I had rebuilt the wall and not a gap was left in it—though up to that time..." This is you. Listen. I want you to be Nehemiah. Yeah. I want you to be Nehemiah in this story. You hear me? Yes, sir. Okay. Go. "...though up to that time I had not seen the doors in the gates, Sanballat and Gish sent me this message: 'Come, let us meet together in one of the villages on the plain of Ono.'" Yeah, don't ever go to a place called Ono. Oh, no. Don't go there. Don't go. No, no. Keep going. "But they were scheming to harm me, so I sent messengers to them with this reply: 'I am carrying on a great project; I cannot go down.'" That's you. Now, that's you. Now, listen. Those letters from the exes, from the women, from the needy, from all of that. When you go on past from your homeboy. Look, this is you. You're doing a great work. You're in the midst of a great work right now. Keep going. "'Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?' Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer. Then the fifth time, Sanballat sent his aide to me with the same message, and in his hand was an unsealed letter. In which was written: 'It is reported among the nations, and Gish says, it is true that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt.'" You ever hear anybody call us a cult? Oh, all the time. That's why it reminds me of that. Anyway, keep going. "'Therefore, you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports, you are about to become their king and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: "There is a king in Judah." Now this report will get back to the king. So come, let us meet together.'" Like, look, we're going to.

report to you all. We're going to report to him that you're trying to rebel against him, 'cause they try to inspire fear, right? Keep going. I want there's a specific part I want to get to that should that is every one of you. Keep going. I sent him this reply: Nothing like what you are saying is happening. You are just making it up out of your own head. They were all trying to frighten us, thinking their hands will get too weak for the work and it will not be completed. But I pray now, strengthen my hands.

One day I went to the House of Shema, Shimah, son of Delia, the son of Beazel, who was shut at his home. He said, "Let us meet in the house of the God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors because the men are coming to kill you by night. They are coming to kill you." But I said, "Should a man like me run away?" That's it. Listen, it says something else. Wait. Keep going. Keep going. Just a little bit. I want to make sure. "Should a man like me run away? Or should someone like me go into the temple to save his life? I will not go."

"What kind of what verse are you reading?" "Uh, give me New King James. What does it say right there?" "Yeah, yeah, go. Give me that last part." "And I said, 'Should such a man as I flee?'" That oh, so keep going. "And who is there such as and who is there such as I who would go into the temple to save his life?" That's not it. There's part of it that says, "Why should a man such as me be afraid?" Maybe I'm not there. "You're not there yet." Or or whatever. Listen, that's you. I want you guys to know this, right? We got one minute left. Everybody look at me. Everybody look up. Listen. There should be nothing left that we're afraid of. Amen.

After all that we've done, listen, listen. People are going to kill me. Don't you know I've been trying to kill my [ __ ] self through my own addiction? What are you going to do to me now that I'm redeemed? Now that I'm saved? What could you do to me? What is there to be afraid? You're going to tell somebody that we're go tell them. Go tell them and come sit in here with eight. Why don't you come check out the cult from 8 to 11? You don't have. We don't have a functional business model. Okay, that's fine. We don't. I guess it'll fall apart either with us or he's not. Are we supposed to be afraid? Why are we then? Why are we afraid? There's no reason.

Listen, every one of us, every one of us. I'm not saying you look, I'm not that guy that says you deserve death. I'm saying every one of us literally tried to kill ourselves in our addiction. Maybe you didn't put a rope around your neck or slice your wrist or eat a bottle of pill. I ate a bunch of bottles of pills just trying to get higher. You know what I'm saying? Like I never did it trying like, "Oh, let me take my life." I'm like, "No, I wonder how many of those I can take without them having to revive me." You know that I mean that? But but so why would we be afraid now? We would do things that would jeopardize the rest of our life and our freedom intentionally, that could put us in it could have put us in prison forever, willingly to impress other men. And now we've been set free. What is it that you would ever be afraid of?

There's opposition. We deserve, baby mom, opposition. We deserve that one. We did not know what love was. We played with our magic wand, made a baby, and we did not love the love of God. We deserve some levels of opposition, right? However, how we respond to that opposition, even from them, how we respond to it can change and shape them. Who are we to be afraid that have been shown so much love, so much grace, so much mercy, that in the midst of opposition, we could be so consistent that it would mold and shape whoever opposed us? Does that make sense? Who are we to be afraid?

But it's part of the deal. Look, if you're called to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem that have been destroyed for seven years or a few hundred years, I can't remember. If God calls you to do that, if God calls you out of bondage, listen, he were he was a eunuch. That he had no nuts. Y'all know that Nehemiah had no nuts, right? Yeah, he was a eunuch. All of the best and brightest that were captured and taken back were made eunuchs. And then God called him out of service. He was a cupbearer to the king, right? The enemy, a servant so enslaved that he served directly under an enemy king, but created so much favor with him that he was released to go rebuild his own home. What do you think with that kind of call on your life that there would not be any opposition? If nobody, listen, there's some opposition we deserve. We've done that to ourselves. But if nobody else is opposing what it is you're doing or saying, I question the effectiveness, the intention, and the motive of what you're saying and doing. As leaders, Gilbert, Jim, uh, Logan, if y'all aren't having some resistance, I question whether you're doing the right thing. If everybody likes you, you ain't legit. It's just how it works. Authority, a proper authority will command respect, not demand it. You do that, that ain't how it has to work. It commands it. Being in position, spiritual authority will command respect. It will. It will command you sitting up when you're following it.

Who are we that we would be afraid? Nobody can nobody can do any more damage than you ever did to yourself. Nobody. Pray for us, Jim. Father God in heaven, thank you for this day of life. Thank you for the blessing you give us. Allow us to continue to be grateful in our hearts that way we can get rid of any opposing thoughts or anything that might lead us down the wrong path again. Father, let us embrace, let us learn everything from from your word that you give us so that we can restore ourselves and live new lives walking in your righteousness. Father, as these son Jesus Christ. Amen.