Transcription
Have you ever felt like you're failing in life? Like you're running a marathon, but somehow everyone else is already at the finish line, eating bananas, and taking pics for Instagram. Yeah, same.
So, here's where I'm at. I just turned 29 and I live in a shared apartment with three other adults who also didn't think their life would look like this in the age of 30. I've been stuck in the same job for more than four years and I honestly just hate it. But I also can't afford to live it. I've been applying for jobs for more than a year, maybe had a dozen of interviews that obviously ended in nothing and honestly just most of the time I get gusted.
Meanwhile, I see my friends announcing their engagements and even having kids, and I find myself in a relationship that I know probably has no future. Once again, my health, let's just say it's not ideal. My body far from what I would like it to be. And compared to most most of my peers, I feel like I have achieved nothing. Feeling like a loser most of the time, if I'm being honest. And these are just facts. I'm not fishing for pity. And I know I'm not the only one feeling like this.
This is just this weird race that my generation is in. Like you're supposed to have your perfect job, your perfect relationship, your perfect skin care, a dozen of hobbies, and ideally a startup. And all of it just by the age of 30. I see people announcing their engagements on Instagram or on LinkedIn announcing their promotions and I feel so jealous and it's not just that. Of course, there are also family expectations and I'm feeling like I'm disappointing everyone and what's worse is that I'm also disappointing myself.
But we forget we did not all start from the same place. Not everyone grew up in the city with opportunities. Not everyone had a family who could pay for their education or their internship. Not everyone had access to networking or connections or even a stable family household that just felt safe. So while some of us started here, some of us started here.
For example, I grew up in a super remote place in Russia. We frankly we had no access to good education, economic opportunities, networking, and even geographically we were just so isolated from the rest of the country. I remember one of the times we almost had to pay $1,000 just to go to Moscow. And of course it's not something that my family could afford on a regular basis. So the world that some people naturally had access to what was out of reach for me.
Um at the same time I have a number of friends who grew up in Moscow or St. Petersburg or another big city and who from the early age had great exposure to good education, economic opportunities, networking, the list goes on and naturally some of those kids got into the best business schools and now we're having amazing careers. So you see while I started here some of them started here and by the time I got here they were already here and it's only one example but the list is actually endless.
I grew up in a family of five kids where I was the oldest and I had to support myself financially almost from the age of 18. I left Russia at the age of 20 and with zero safety net and don't even get me started on COVID wars, cost of living crisis, housing crisis. Did you forget anything? And I know that so many of you can probably relate to this. Life isn't a fair race, but yet we run it like it is.
And I've been thinking a lot on why am I feeling so behind in life. And I know that a lot of it is external. The economy is just dramatically different from what it was 30 or even 20 years ago. The cost of living is so much higher while the wages are still the same. The job market is just changing almost every year. And the traditional path to success doesn't work anymore.
But some of those reasons are internal too. I procrastinate a lot. I avoid taking risk because I'm scared of failing. I do hesitate a lot to make dramatic change in my life because of a thousand different reasons. I wait for motivation instead of building discipline. And I get distracted by entertainment instead of focusing on what actually matters. Not either or. It's both. The world is hot, but I also have a lot of things to work on.
So, what I'm learning is that success is not linear. Some of us pick at 22. Some of us speak at the age of 30. Some of us pick at the age of 45 or even 60. And some of us never pick at all. And that's okay, too. Personally, that's not okay for me, but I know for some of you it might be. But what matters is not how fast you get somewhere but the fact that you actually get somewhere that matters to you.
I am trying to be gentle with myself. Not in a delusional like everything is okay way but more in a way like okay things are not going the way I want them to go. Uh what can I do now? Sometimes the answer is just to push harder and to work harder. But sometimes the answer is to pivot. And yes, you probably need to work hard, probably two, three times as hard as someone else. And yes, it's not fair, but life is not fair. And I think we are adult enough to just acknowledge it.
10 years ago, my biggest dream was to live in Europe. It didn't really matter to me what I would do or where would I live. I just wanted to be there. And you know what? This dream actually came true. The only thing is that as I grew older, I got more ambitious. And what was enough for me 10 years ago is not enough anymore. Just try to look back at where you were 10 years ago and what you were dreaming about. Did it come true? Would that version of you 10 years ago be proud of where you are today? If so, then probably you're on the right track.
At the same time, I looked at my goals from 2025 a couple of days ago, and I honestly just laughed. You know why? Because nothing of this came true. Literally, I've achieved nothing. Yes, those goals were quite ambitious, but to achieve nothing, that's quite a disappointment, let me tell you. But then I looked at those goals again and I kind of realized although I achieved none, I did get much closer to them than where I was one year ago. So I'm on the right track. It's just moving too slow for my taste, but it's moving.
So now is the time to ask hard questions. What can I actually do to move at the speed that I want to move? Maybe it's finally times to stop feeling sorry for myself and just push harder and to work harder. Change the way that I do things and prioritize working on those goals that will actually make me feel happy long term instead of focusing and get distracted on entertainment or instant gratification that only makes me happy short term because honestly if I don't work hard for myself no one will.
So if you are feeling like you are failing in life trust me you are not alone I'm feeling like this honestly most of the time and I think it's all right to feel like this. Adjust your path. Take responsibility and keep moving. Even if the movement is slow, even if the movement is small because the only thing that is worse than feeling behind is not going anywhere at all.
Now, if you actually can relate to what I'm saying and if you're feeling behind for whatever reason, please share what you think and leave a comment below. I would love to know about your experience and what do you actually do to not feel like this and to change the way you approach. Thanks.