Transcription
They're every parent's worst nightmare. "Shut up! I hate you! I hate you!" Kids completely out of control. "Look, I'm skating, I'm skating!" It's time to call Nanny 911.
We've gathered a team of world-class nannies to help families in crisis. Parents of America-- help is on the way! Tonight-- "Mom, I need another energy drink!" This eight-year-old son of a single parent just won't behave. (Ranting in German) And Nanny Stella is selected to set him straight! It's time for Nanny Stella to show Eric Cartman his ways are not going to be tolerated anymore!
(Knocking continues) "Mom, are you deaf? Somebody's at the door!" "Yes, I think it's the nanny, poopsiekins." "Killer, I'm gonna be on TV now." (Belch) "Hello, I'm Nanny Stella!" "Oh, thank you so much for coming. Please come in! And you must be Eric!" "Mom, I want a Twinkie." "Oh, alright, dear. Hold on, Mrs. Cartman-- there are going to be some rule changes around here, Eric. First of all, no video games until chores are done." "Ah-ha ha ha!" "I'm serious. Let's put down the video game and go to the kitchen." "No thanks, I'd rather not!"
"Right, then I'm going to have to take it." "What the hell do you think you're doing? Come on!" "This video game is going right here on the counter, until we've done some chores. Now, first thing we're going to do is make your bed..." "Eric, no, this is not acceptable!" "Stop trying to Bogart my X-box, you fat bitch!" "Alright, that's it, you're going to time out!" "Time out?" "Whenever you are naughty, Eric, you are going to sit on this stool for five minutes." "And what exactly keeps me on the stool?" "It's the time out stool, you can't get down until the time is up." "Whoa... How did I do that!?" "Eric, you have to stay in time out!" "Um... No?" "Come on, you don't have a choice."
"Alright, seriously, you're starting to piss me off now." "Eric, you need to listen to me. This is very important." I'm getting down to eye level with Eric. So that I can talk to him on his level. "Eric, you need to understand why you are being punished, alright?" "I'm just going to get down as soon as you move." "Well then, I'll just have to stand right, hyaaa!" (Ptoo) "Agh! He spit in my mouth!" "Yeah, it's best to avoid his level."
"Alright, I've dealt with this before. We just need to use psychology on him." ♪ Don't stop believin' ♪ ♪ Hold on to that fee-la-ee-ang... ♪ "Eric, can I just talk to you for a quick second? Why are you so angry?" "Because you took my X-box." "Is this about more than your video game? Are you feeling angry at me because you think I'm here to change your life?" "Well... Yeah..." "And you're feeling like I have no right to come in and tell you how to live." "Yeah, I guess so..."
"See this? You have to take the time to talk to your children about their feelings. What else are you feeling, Eric?" "Well, I'm feeling confused... Because I don't understand why you became a nanny." "Me? Well, because I love children. Like you." "Right, but... If you love children so much, how come you're not a mommy?" "Oh, I just never had kids." "Why not?" "It just... Didn't happen." "You're sterile, is that it?" "No, that's too convenient of an excuse. The truth is, nobody ever wanted to have babies with you, isn't that it? Always the mom's-maid, never the mom. Must be hard on you. Knowing that the years are ticking away. Your friends all getting married. And all the while your uterus slowly shriveling away... Drying up... Becoming totally worthless."
"Why you... You, you little bastard!" "How dare you?" "Eric, naughty. What kind of monster would-- yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can! But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!" "That's it, I'm not doing this!" "Oh, but we really need some help! Find yourself another nanny-television show!"