Transcription
There's a book out there. It's called "When Prophecy Fails," but it tells the story of this UFO cult, dead set on the world ending on a very specific date. Like, the world, the whole Earth, is going to like, totally blow up. So they were totally convinced that they'd be whisked away by aliens before the apocalypse.
So, what happens on the day the apocalypse date rolls around? Nothing happens. No boom, no aliens, nothing. So you'd think this would be a clear wake-up call for these people. But here's where it gets kind of interesting. Instead of admitting maybe they were off track, the group starts bending over backwards to explain the flop. They started claiming that their undying faith, that they were so faithful, that they actually saved the entire world. That's a huge save. So whoever they are out there, huge thanks.
This is cognitive dissonance in action. So tonight, we're going to cover a formula that you can literally use anywhere to weaponize cognitive [Music] dissonance. And this can be applied on anything from trial consulting to parenting to sales. Let's talk about why this works so well.
So, this idea of cognitive dissonance was introduced by this dude, Leon Festinger. It's a mental discomfort that we feel when we're juggling these contradictory beliefs, or when we're confronted with information that challenges our existing beliefs. So, even though it's a gold mine for influencing people, it's overlooked.
Why does it work? Well, first off, it really crawls under our brain skin. So when we face any kind of dissonance, it's like an itch that we have to scratch. We can't stop it. So we're driven from the inside to resolve any kind of inconsistency that comes up, which can lead to very real and very lasting changes in behavior.
As an example, if a self-proclaimed environmentalist learns that their favorite brand that they support is like, polluting heavily in Africa somewhere and dumping oil into a big dirt hole, the internal conflict can either push them to switch brands. They're like, "I'm going to go support another brand and admit I was wrong." Or, a lot easier, just adopt stupid ideas that make them continue to feel like they're right, which is a lot more likely.
We like to see ourselves as consistent beings. And cognitive dissonance, especially when we use it, is weaponizing this. We're messing with this need to be consistent. So when reality smacks into belief, you just jiggle your thoughts around a little bit until everything falls into place. And if the jigsaw puzzle pieces don't go together, you just get a hammer, and then they do. That's what is going on right there. And this is like when you're so deep in, instead of questioning your choices, you go all in. And psychologically, it's way easier to boost your existing belief than rewrite how you view the entire world.
So let me show you, like, an example of how it might work with political beliefs. When people get entrenched to the far left or right, they face facts, they ignore facts, they discredit new information that doesn't align with their belief. They find, uh, all the comfort in the world in these echo chambers. And even more so, they become even evangelistic and they spread their beliefs even further, trying to convince others and themselves, secretly, that they're right. So if I become an evangelist, I'm going to convince myself, because of how loud I am, that these beliefs have to be right.
If they encounter real evidence or arguments that starkly contrast, uh, with their own views, like scientific studies or statistical data, this sets up a clash. So the discomfort they feel is that cognitive dissonance. And our goal is to reduce discomfort. That's our body's goal, our brain's goal. How do I reduce discomfort? So to bring that down, people have a few options. Number one, they can change their beliefs, which is very hard. Two, I can distort the new information, which means that I can misinterpret or question its validity. Or three, I can reject the new information completely. And more often than not, it's easier to distort or reject the conflicting information than to overhaul, uh, our own personal beliefs that are tied to our identity and our worldview.
Why would a rational person with an IQ over 70 completely ignore facts, actual provable facts, and logic? Well, the first reason is identity protection. So for a lot of people on, on the, especially on the extreme ends, these political beliefs are deeply tied to their sense of self. So if I'm in that camp and I admit that those beliefs might be wrong or misguided, that threatens my entire self-concept and my social standing within my community. It's a huge threat on multiple Maslow levels. So this makes it psychologically safer to just dismiss or rationalize away anything that conflicts with what I've been presented with.
And sometimes, when people are presented with literal factual information that challenges their beliefs, not only do they reject the information, but they also believe in their original incorrect views more strongly afterward. More strongly. This is true. And this is known as the backfire effect. This is where the efforts to correct misinformation actually reinforce the misinformation in the person's mind. Just think about flat earthers. NASA puts out a video like, "Here's our, here's our video from the ISS showing that the Earth is round." And they're like, "Yeah, they want you to think that." So like, no matter what you do, it's just making their beliefs even stronger. So the attempts to counter the misinformation do the exact opposite.
I'm going to give you a formula tonight to literally weaponize cognitive bias. And this is the same formula that we use. I've retrofitted it. It's made to use on a population. I designed this personally to use on an entire population, like a city or a town. I've rewritten it to be used in conversation. So it's to guide someone towards resolving discomfort in a way that aligns with what we want. So whether it's changing somebody's beliefs, or adopting some kind of new habit, getting them to make some kind of a purchase, we're not just telling them what to do or think. We're setting up the conditions so they convince themselves. We're setting up conditions so that they convince themselves.
So this is about making them feel that changing is their own idea. This makes the change stick way better because it feels self-motivated instead of imposed. So I have self-motivated change going on. I haven't had change imposed on me.
So, number one, I want to obtain agreements on three identity statements. Number two, I'm going to perform a personality inventory question. I'm going to tell you what this is here in a few minutes. Number three, we're going to use negative dissociation for one of the key elements, followed by an opinion question to that person, like, "What's your opinion on X?" Four, we're going to use the article technique. So we're just kind of borrowing authority to solidify those new identity agreements. Five, we're going to talk negatively about one person in your life without the desired qualities, that doesn't have the desired qualities that we've made them agree that they are. Six, this is the most important step. And once you hear this, uh, I, I don't think it's, it's going to be power, it's going to sound powerful to most of you, but I, I want you to try it out and then you'll see. So the final step is to introduce them to somebody new, using their name and describing them as this new identity and reputation.
Let's talk about developing those identity statements. Let's go through a few examples here. Sales. Let's take sales first. What are some of the identity statements? I need a person to make. Let's say, "I take action when things make sense." "I don't need permission to take action." "I can make things happen even if there are obstacles." "I make smart decisions." So this is about appealing to their sense of wisdom and, and being discerning. They want to see themselves as somebody who makes informed choices.
Next would be, "I'm a leader and not a follower." And you can see that we're getting them out of conformity because people use conformity as a way out of sales. And you can use these. It doesn't have to be a sales situation. So this is very effective for people, uh, that are in decision-making positions who maybe pride themselves on setting the trends instead of following trends. And that's one phrase I use very, very often, and I just throw it away, but the person hears it, and I'm just kind of, "Yeah, yeah, it's true. You know, some people set trends and some people follow them." And then I'll just move right on with the conversation and just let that soak right in.
So what would I want somebody to agree to as identity statements from a leadership perspective? I'd want them to say, "I am a valuable part of this team." I would say, "I'm open to learning and growing." And cultivating a, a culture of growth and learning can make anybody that, that you lead, a lot more receptive to new ideas and approaches, and, and they'll fight a lot less. Next, "I am a problem solver." All right.
So what do I need if I'm a cult recruiter? What do I need someone to view? How do I need somebody to view themselves? Think about what we're really doing here. How do I want this person to view themselves? This is a deep question, and that's the question that we're answering. How do I want them to see themselves? First thing, we want, "I'm open to exploring new opportunities." This is making them agree. "I have a sense of adventure." "I am curious about the world." And I can, you know, the idea of joining a new group, uh, isn't intimidating to me. So we get them to make that agreement pretty quick. Next would be, "I'm somebody who seeks personal growth." Next, "I'm a part of something bigger than myself." And this really taps into the desire to be part of a community, a movement that has a larger purpose or a larger mission.
I want to obtain agreements on three identity agreements. I want them to agree to three things that I wrote down. I want them to kind of verbally or non-verbally nod their head to a few of these. And I'll use a few statements to get this out of that person. And these statements will be the statements that say, "You seem like, you know, you seem like the kind of person who does X and Y." Next would be, "I, I would really love to know more about how you blank," or "I'm curious, uh, to know a little bit more about why you blank." Next would be, "You know, it would be amazing if everybody that I worked with was blank." And where's my hand going to be pointing when I say some of these things? I'm pointing at that person. So keep in mind that some of the statements that we just went through can also serve to accomplish the next step of the formula, and this is the personality inventory question.
You want now, we're asking them to talk about one of those beliefs. And this is like, if I'm planning ahead and I'm developing a sales call or conversation or whatever, I want to circle what's the number one belief that this person needs to have about themselves. The number one. What's the biggest domino I can knock over? And if I can knock that over, it's going to knock over all the other ones. That's where I want to use one of these questions here. There's three questions I typically use, and that's it. First one is, "How is it that you came to be so blank?" That's really powerful because you're asking that person about themselves, and you're very silently admitting that you struggle with that maybe a little bit, which makes them more open. The next one would be, "What was it in your life that made you so blank today?" Because it was a struggle for me. I usually follow that up by that little self-admission. And finally, this personality inventory question, "How is it you're able to blank when so many people just don't, or so many people are afraid to, depending on what the blank is?"
The next step is negative dissociation with a follow-up question. There's two ways that I do this. You can do it however you like. This is word for word how I do this in real human life. First one is, "Yeah, there's so many people out there that blank." This is the negative quality. It's like, every time you meet them, it's like they all are just so... and then I'm going to put whatever other negative quality, like afraid to speak their mind, afraid to take action, afraid to make decisions, even if all the facts are there. So I'll follow this up with the question, the personality question. So they're just all just afraid to take action when all the details are there. And I'm, I'm really curious, how is it, with all this being more and more common nowadays, you are able to just... and then whatever you say after that, that they will instantly adopt. If you're genuinely curious, this will work. And if you have confidence and authority, this will work.
All right. So the next way that I'll do the negative dissociation is only slightly different. "Every time I talk to somebody who blank, it's like they all have the exact same thing going on. They just blank." So, "What was your turning point for your blank when you decided to just completely blank?" They would just throw those beliefs in there. Whatever you want that person to have, you just stick it in that blank, and you're done.
And then we use the article technique. So, what, what does that person want to be seen as? Successful, brilliant, a good mom, whatever it is. The article technique would just sound like you're giving that one identity statement and then describing the two things or three things that you read in this article as what you need that person to have in that moment. So you'd say something like, "I've read this incredible article just a couple of days ago, and they did this research, and they found out that there were two things that every blank had in common." And they just go in to describe whatever you like. You put it in.
And then we have something called negative offcasting. And negative offcasting is when we're talking about one person that we don't like. It's not negative dissociation. We're just openly talking about somebody that has the opposite of the qualities we want them to have. I'll use blanks in here wherever I would be putting those descriptions. And I would say something like, "Everybody knows at least one of those people. You know, I worked with a guy in like 2017 who was just absolutely blank, and I actually felt bad for him. But there was no way that anybody could talk him into being more blank. And I think it's so sad to see, especially when you genuinely want to guide them in into the light, but you know, they just won't do it." So there's no dissociation here. I'm just talking negatively in a positive way. Like, I've wanted this, I wanted to help this person. They probably meant well. They didn't want to change themselves. I'm just talking about one tiny thing. It's maybe two sentences at a time that I met someone with these negative qualities.
And now we're on the final step of the formula: the introduction. This is huge. So essentially, you would talk to this person and figure out who you've got someone in your contacts right now that you could connect this person to. That's either similar, or maybe there's a podcast that could go on. There's a person they should talk to. They have a pipe break in their house, and you know a plumber. Doesn't matter. You have someone in your contacts who you might, this person might benefit from being connected with. Uh, all you're saying is, "You know what? I'd love to connect you with this person who is also into XYZ." And then I'll send the C, uh, the text. And I would be typing in the text, "John, this is Chris. I just met him today and I wanted to simply connect you to. Chris is extremely blank, and he's the kind of guy who blank." So I'm, I'm giving him all the reputation that he needs. And then I'll follow up with, "There's no need to act or anything here. I just wanted you guys to at least know each other." Just that one introduction makes it. Now we've made it social. We've made a social agreement. You think Chris is going to type back in that thread and be like, "Oh no, Chase is wrong. I'm a piece of..." Actually, no. They're going to agree to be that way. And they're going to be agree to be that person, not only with the person that you're texting, but now they've made that agreement with you because you've introduced them as that.
And let's say if you do this in like a 15-minute conversation, if you go back, you're not using this formula in some linear fashion. In between, the person's going to be talking about random things. They had a flat tire, their dog pooped in the living room, whatever gets brought up in this conversation, it's going to get brought up. And you keep going with this. So by the end of 15 minutes, you throw a few of these statements in there, a few of these sentences. And if you just think about some of these sentences, they're sentences you hear in everyday conversation. You hear somebody say, "You know, everybody knows at least one of those people. I work with this guy like back in 2017 who was just an absolute dick, and I felt so bad for him. But there was no way anybody could talk him into being more open and just taking action when all the all the facts were just right there in front of his face. It was sad to see, especially when you genuinely want to guide them into the light, but you know, they just won't do it." That sounds like a regular conversation you might overhear in a bar or a restaurant.
These techniques are extremely powerful stuff, and they produce lasting change. Those, um, beliefs that we want to install in that person. And we said the three things I want are the first three, uh, three that we talked about, like, "I take action when things make sense." "I don't need permission to take action." And "I'm an innovator and I think outside the box." Let's throw that in there. Uh, so like, let's just go through, like the fir, literally just go through the examples word for word as I gave them to you.
So here's what that conversation might sound like: "You know what? I got to be honest. You seem like you take action faster than most people. And I've been doing this a while, and I can tell." This is an elicitation statement, if you didn't notice. It's a provocative statement. They're going to respond to it. "Next year's like, 'Wow, that's really cool. Can you tell me a little bit more about how you process stuff so fast? Because most people that I work with usually need to talk to somebody for a week, and they, they just seem to get paralyzed. What I'm, I'm just curious, like, what is it about you? Is this something you grew up doing?"
"Next, you might say, 'You know, I'm curious to know more about how you got to this place where you think outside the box. And in today's world, people are so scared of being independent. They just, I just want to repeat what everyone else is doing.' Doing. So now I'm kind of asking them questions like a podcast host might be asking them. And then I would go, 'You know, every time I, I just talked to someone who, you know, you can just tell they aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer. It's like they all have the exact same thing going on. They just seem to be so scared of what other people think, and they live inside this bubble. And for you, like, what was your turning point when you decided to just live your own life, just make your own choices? And I, I really just wish I could get my sister into this mindset because it's kind of crushing her.'"
So you notice I did a little offcasting there. And I said, "You know what? That makes absolute sense. I read this incredible article, uh, just a few days ago, and they did this research and found out that there were two things that every truly mentally successful person had in common. And they said that they were, they were number one, they were almost immune to the influence of other people. People. So they didn't just like live their lives as a sheep. And 100% of them, that they found in this, whatever article study they did, would make decisions a lot faster. They knew that their gut and their intuition was smarter than most people give it credit for."
You wouldn't hear all of this in a row in a real conversation. This would be kind of gradually interspersed, getting gradual agreements, gradual agreements, so that would just be an example of what some of that stuff might sound like. And it is very, very powerful.