Transcription
Pharaoh: In tonight's episode, the part of Tristan Taylor will be played by Barney the Dinosaur.
Bakura: I say Yugi, can I play too?
Yugi: Sorry Bakura, main characters only.
Joey: Playing card games sure beats doing schoolwork. Arithmetic is for losers! Now I just got to subtract your defense points from my attack points and- and.. uh- Wait a minute. How do I do that?
Téa: It's official: you're an idiot.
Tristan: ♫ I love you, You love me ♫ ♫ We're a happy family ♫
Joey: Tristan's song taught me a valuable lesson. I need to learn how to be a better duelist. You gotta help me out here, Yug!
Yugi: Let me see your deck.
Yugi (Thinking): Oh man, his deck is even more powerful than mine! Whoa! The Dark Magician? I just gotta have that!
Yugi: Geez Joey, your cards are worthless. Tell you what, why don't I get rid of these and we'll go visit gramps and set you up with a new special super awesome deck?
Joey: Thanks Yug, you're always looking out for me.
Grandpa: Oh, Black Luster Soldier, no one must ever know of our forbidden love.
Joey: Hey, Yugi's grandpa. How about training me to become Duel Monsters champ over here?
Grandpa: Very well, but it will require hours of rigorous off-screen practice.
Joey: Really? I don't even get a training montage?
Grandpa: Who do you think you are, Rocky Balboa?
Announcer: Welcome to the Regional Championship, where the comic relief villains are having a meaningless duel! I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, folks.
Joey: Man, I love the Card Game Channel.
Yugi: It's almost as good as the Watching-Paint-Dry Channel.
Grandpa: There's a package here for you, Yugi. You'd better not have been using my credit card to buy Duel Monsters merchandise off eBay again.
Yugi: It's from Industrial Illusions. I guess they heard about my victory over Kaiba.
Joey: Yeah, those card games are big news! It completely overshadowed the fact that he kidnapped and hospitalized your grandpa!
Tristan: Hey, look! I'm on TV.
Joey: What are you talking about Tristan? That's just a purple dinosaur.
Rex (Beavis' Voice): Ehehe. Hey, Weevil, check it out. My dinosaur's horny. Ehhehe. Get it?
Weevil (Butthead's Voice): Yeah, hehehe. Yeah, hehehehehe.
Rex: It's like... your move or something?
Weevil: Hehehe. Bugs are cool. Hehehe.
Yugi: These guys sound awfully familiar...
Rex: So, like, I'll attack or something.
Weevil: You like, activated my trap card buttmunch. Hehehehehehe.
Rex: Ehehe. Noway.
Weevil: Fire! FIRE! Yeah! Hehehehehehe.
Rex: This sucks. I'm gonna go, like, get some nachos.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, let's hear it for Maximillion Peeeeeeeeegasus!
Pegasus: Congratulations, Mr. Underwood. Here's your trophy. Now allow me to render your victory utterly pointless by announcing a far more interesting contest with a much grander title up for grabs.
Weevil: Whoa, heh! This chick is hot. Hehe!
Yugi: Hey, there was a video inside the package!
Grandpa: I just hope it's not one of those cursed video tapes that are all the rage these days.
Pegasus: Seven days...
Grandpa: Oh snap, I knew it!
Pegasus: That's right Yugi-boy! There are only seven days till Duelist Kingdom. And in order to get you to enter I'm going to force you to play a Shadow Game. Win in 15 minutes and I'll release your friends.
Pharaoh: That's fine by me, Pegasus. I'll beat you with the cards I took from- I mean the cards that Joey gave me.
Pegasus: You won't beat anyone with that dragon card.
Pharaoh: You could see into my mind?
Pegasus: Yes, Pharaoh-boy, and I can see that you and I have a great deal in common.
Pharaoh: What's that supposed to mean?
Pegasus: Isn't it obvious?
Pharaoh: Look pal, just because I inhabit the body of a teenage boy doesn't mean I'm a-
Pegasus: Oh come now Pharaoh-boy, don't be so gauche. I was referring to our Millennium Items.
Pharaoh: Oh. Right. I knew that!
*tick* *tock* *tick* *tock*
Pegasus: What would you say if I told you I didn't actually create Duel Monsters- and that it's actually based on mystical duels held by powerful pharaohs many thousands of years ago?
Pharaoh: Whatchu talkin' 'bout Pegasus?
Pegasus: These Pharaohs battled with real monsters and real magic. So as you can imagine it was a great deal more exciting than the watered-down product I created.
Pharaoh: Wait a minute! You're just using this monologue to stall for time.
Pegasus: Well it worked, didn't it?
Pharaoh: You're a cheat!
Pegasus: No, my strategy was merely-
Pharaoh: Hey, everybody! Pegasus is a big stinky cheater!
Pegasus: Oh, so that's the way it's going to be, is it? Fine, then. Let's see how your grandpa manages... ...without his soul! Oooooh, I'm so ambiguously camp!
Grandpa: Yuuugiii...
Yugi: You bastard! You turned him into a mime! Grandpa!? GRAAAAAANDPAAAAAA!!
Joey: Hey, Yug, down in front, will ya?
Tristan: Yeah, we were watching that.
Melvin (Lex Luthor's voice): Come on, let me hear you say it, just once.
Téa (Lois Lane's voice): You're insane.
Melvin: No! *through chuckles* Not that, no, the other thing.
Téa: Superman will-
Melvin: WRONG!