Transcription
We got two Ben's in the queue. I want to bring up the first Ben from Canada. First Ben from Canada is, uh, looks like another atheist and is having a little bit of trouble with identity. Says that they lost their core identity when they lost their faith and is struggling to find identity without faith.
Well, Ben, welcome in. You're talking to Justin and Godless Engineer on AXP. How are you?
>> Pretty good. How are you guys doing?
Well, thanks for asking.
>> Doing all right. Uh, that's good. Yeah. Um, I'm just going to get to the point and if you want me to unpack it more, I can unpack it. It will probably take about a minute to unpack it. But, um, I essentially lost my faith, uh, 30 years ago. And I've spent literally the last 30 years desperately trying to refine my faith through, um, reading apologetics from the pop level to the more, uh, you know, sophisticated guys like Enki Wright or Elen Plantig or William Craig, that kind of thing.
>> Uh, also watching the debates and reading atheist literature as well, kind of thing. And I'm stuck in this point where I think I, I need my faith to feel whole or to feel grounded, but at the same time, I don't have my faith. And I'm getting to the point where it feels like something's got to resolve, either in the direction of I refine the faith or I find some kind of way to have peace just not believing it, kind of thing. And I can't seem to find it. And I do think there, there's a long-term social psychological personal history context to that. But, um, that's kind of where I'm at in this place right now. And I'm, I'm not sure if you have any pointers about how I can find that peace or if it would help me help you if I unpacked a bit what, what led up to this or?
Yeah. Well, you know, I think peace and identity might be, for me at least, are different categories. Like, even if I didn't know my exact identity, I think I would still be at peace. I think some people struggle with identity and purpose, and some people don't. Identity and purpose aren't really two things that I spend a ton of time struggling with.
Um, that being said, the cool thing about when you leave your religion is that when you were in the religion, it was like God was speaking, like, this is who you are. This is your purpose. of what you must do. And you're like, "Okay, I guess my job is to obey God." Right? When you, when you're no longer in the religion or you no longer believe in the God, you get to make up your own story. You get, you get to determine who you are. Like, you don't, you don't have to get somebody to tell you who you're going to be or what you're going to do. That's something that you get to decide now. And I, I know that's daunting for some people because they wanted to be told what their role is. They wanted someone like a, like a god to say, "This is your destiny, right?" But the reality is, we, it's even better now because we get to choose our own destinies, you know.
>> Uh, yeah. Yeah. I, I guess the problem where I'm struggling with that is that part of my context in history I is that I grew up in, in, in a context where, um, for the first 10, 12 years of my life, um, I wasn't able to hear. So I was not able to, uh, interact with. I, I, I missed out on those peer entry skills, kind of thing, and those social building block skills. Um, going up through my childhood into my high school years, I was morbidly obese and, um, I was rejected by women and, um, was constantly bullied, kind of thing. So within that, within that context of bullying, rejection, my faith at least had this, uh, core identity of saying, this, you know, if women reject me, if guys, uh, if my bullies reject me, at least this created the universe accepts me. But when I lost my faith, I lost that foundational identity, kind of thing where now I feel I'm, I'm really affected by some of the more, um, Helen Fischer and some of the, um, evolutionary psychologists that talks about how, uh, um, that talk about how, um, you know, that, uh, that there, there are high and low mate, uh, they're, they're high value, low value men, kind of thing to women, kind of thing, because they're that kind of thing. And it feels like that's my identity now is that I'm perceived to be an outcast when it comes to women, for example, which, um, because I'm constantly rejected by that, that's part of what I lost I by losing that faith is that I'm
>> Well, I would let that bother. Yeah.
>> The vast majority of us, the vast majority of us are going to be rejected by the opposite sex because not every human being is attracted to the same stuff. Like, there are some people that, uh, that would swear that I'm the most adorable atheist on the planet, and then there are some many of them that would say, "No, that dude's pretty hideous. Like, his skin's so white I can like see his veins through it. I'm not so interested in this guy." So like, uh, getting rejected is not a commentary on whether or not you're a worthwhile person or whether or not, um, you have value. You absolutely have value. It's just that not everybody is everybody else's cup of tea. And finding a significant other takes a long time. No matter how attractive you think you are, no matter how smart you think you are, you still need to find someone that you mesh with. And that can be hard to find. I wouldn't let that discourage you.
Um, but I, I get it. I understand everybody wants to feel like they have value. But,
>> Um, the reality is, you know, at the end of the day, I think you have to ask yourself, are you the type of person that you want to be? Like, when I lay down at night, am I the person that I feel proud to be? Like, because that's, that's the real thing. You, you have to live with yourself at the end of the day.
>> Right. Right. Makes sense. Yeah. So, I wouldn't worry too much about what, what the other people are, are, are, uh, are thinking about you. You know, one of the best pieces of advice I got from one of my brothers a long time ago, and he was like, you know, you can't worry about what everyone thinks about you. He goes, but if everybody thinks you're an idiot, maybe you might be a little bit of an idiot. I always found it to be good advice because like, listen, you can't go around worrying about what everybody thinks about you because everybody's got an opinion. They're just like, we all got them and they all stink. But the reality is, if most of the people you meet think that you're rude or you're not fun to be around, that is a good indicator maybe you want to make some adjustments. You know what I mean? And so like, even on my live streams, I've had times or periods where I was doing stuff pretty repeatedly on my live stream and people were commenting about it. I was like, "Oh, this is behavior that I, I need to correct." Right? So feedback can be helpful, but also don't let it get you down. The reality is, you're a worthwhile individual. I know there are people in your life that care about you. I know there are probably people in the atheist community that if we knew, uh, if we knew you in real life, we would care about you. So, um, I, I don't, I would certainly don't want you to get discouraged just because, um, sometimes finding your place is difficult. We, I agree with you. It is difficult for everybody. Uh-huh.
>> You're not alone, man.
>> Yeah. Thank you. Uh, thank you for saying that. It was helpful. Just, uh, I'll share that with someone. I, I appreciate that. Thank you.
>> Yeah. Cheers, buddy. Thanks for calling in.
>> Yeah. Take care. Bye now.