Transcription
If you want to level up your life and unlock the hottest, highest, and healthiest version of yourself, this is the podcast for you. Welcome to today's episode of Hot and [Music] Unbothered.
Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to my podcast. If you are new here, my name is Brianna, and I am your host of Hot and Unbothered, the ultimate podcast for unlocking the best version of you, for leveling up, and achieving your dream life from your Pinterest boards. That is what we are here to do. So if that sounds like something you are willing to commit to, lock in right now. Commit to the process, commit to seeing that progress, to putting in the work, and just surrounding yourself with a community of people who are also doing the same thing and trying to figure out how to become the best versions of them. Hit that subscribe button and lock in. And if you don't want to, that's cool; you just don't want to become the hottest, highest version of yourself, but that's fine—your choice, not mine.
Anyway, let's address the elephant in the room: I missed this Friday, you guys, and there's a reason why I missed this Friday. If you don't know, I upload my podcast, or I try to, every Friday because if you replace the F with a B in Friday, it's Breed Day. Every Breed Day, I'm supposed to upload, and I've been off my game. And I've never missed a week, and I'm not counting this as a missed week because today's Tuesday when I'm recording this, and it's going to go up, and it's just a few days late, and then we're still going to upload on Friday. But anyway, the reason why I missed is because I found myself getting a little bit burnt out. Okay, not only that, though, I also started my period. And I have to do a whole other episode on my hormone imbalance, everything like that, dealing with birth control, all the crazy emotions that come with that. But seriously, my period is like, oh my gosh! And I know there's people who deal with probably worse than I do, which is crazy to even imagine, but like, there was one day a few months ago where my period cramps were so bad that I was at work; I had to go home; I had to have my mom pick me up because I couldn't move, and then I threw up in my mom's car on the ride home. Sorry, that was graphic; sorry. So anyway, sometimes when my period comes, I'm just like out for the count; I'm out, and I can't do anything about it, you know—not my choice; that's my body's, and I can't control her; she's got a mind of her own, this uterus of mine.
But anyway, if you guys do want an episode actually talking about that—I'm not sure if anyone does, but like, hormones, birth control, stuff like that—let me know. Because when I was getting off birth control, I would have loved if someone shared their experience word for word and just have someone to relate to. So let me know if that's something you want to hear. If not, let's get on with it. Anyway, though, on top of my period, I just was feeling so burnt out, and I do have an episode about burnout, but it was to the point where, like, I wasn't even like doing anything like totally out of the norm, but I felt myself just getting into that kind of sulking, low point, you know? I try to keep my energy high and stay positive, but especially when hormones are involved, it's so, so hard. I just had my birthday at the beginning of the month, and then I feel like ever since then it was like a quick, steep downward decline. Birthdays can be super crazy and chaotic, honestly. And then, on top of that, my room got all messy; I still have all my presents and birthday decorations and food to put away, and it was just a good birthday, but I was also very stressed out. I loved being with the people I love and everything like that, and hearing the love from you guys is always so, so sweet. Bottom line though, ever since my birthday, I've been like, woo, not taking care of myself, just totally out of routine, feeling very low energy, feeling more negative than usual, honestly, and having a hard time trying to get myself like to feel very present with my day today, you know? I feel like I'm just stretching myself so thin, and it's very hard for me to enjoy the day today, and I feel like I'm just getting by. Does that make sense? And I think—correct me if I'm wrong—this is a very common feeling for some people, and I just want you to know if you're feeling like that, you're not alone. There's reasons to why you're feeling like this, and there's also ways we can work to fix this or at least make a little bit of progress towards improvement.
But before we dive into today's episode, you guys know I love to share a podcast review. Today we have Beanie and Bun—I hope I'm saying that right; it's a super cute username. They said, "Hi Brianna, I've been listening to your podcast on Spotify for ages and have now found you on YouTube, and I want to say thank you so much for helping so many people and giving people like myself motivation to actually make an effort and enjoy life fully. You give off amazing energy and advice and are truly an amazing person. Please never stop being the amazing person you are." Here come the Waterworks again, you guys. These reviews—these reviews—I, again, like, I will get into—have been very out of it, very much in a slump, if you will. So it's been hard for me to respond to comments, cuz sometimes social media will take it out of you if you're not in the headspace for it. But just know I've been reading every single one, and I plan on responding; I've just been slacking a little lately, which is what we're getting into in today's episode. So anyway, back to that low point that I was talking about. I feel like, especially as women, and especially women, you know, getting into their teens or their 20s or 30s, however old you are, like, I just feel like a growing woman, or maybe you're not growing, I don't know, you have dealt with this feeling at some point: this feeling of just like low energy, this feeling like you don't want to do anything, you don't want to deal with the tasks you have upcoming for the next day, you don't want to go to school, you don't want to go to work, but you don't want to respond on your phone or even have the energy really to make plans with friends, and it might make you feel like there's something wrong with you. But I'm here to tell you that that is normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You're not lazy; you're not a failure; you just need some rest and alone time with yourself to rejuvenate, to ground yourself, and to remind yourself who you are and come back 10 times stronger, 10 times more sure of yourself, 10 times more ready and willing to grow. That's what you need. But if you're in a slump, what I just said is not going to help you feel any better, most likely.
I think the thing about being in a slump is that sometimes they are very hard to get out of; like, you dig yourself this deeper and deeper hole. You might not have done anything wrong, but just like your energy just kind of keeps sinking down and down and down because you're not in the vibes to be brought back up, and then you're so down low that it could feel so far away. Like, when you're in a slump, sometimes the happy vibes, the good energy, the positivity feels so far away. I am here today to tell you how to get out of that slump. And again, I am not going to sit here and be like, "Just be happy," "Just say your affirmations," "Just go smile at yourself in the mirror until you feel better," "Just get up and start your day." Like, obviously yes, but obviously no. What the heck? There's so much more to that, and I want to preface: I know that sometimes there's so many other factors that go into this, whether it's abusive relationships—ew, why did I just get chills when I said that? Gross—abusive relationships, or, you know, not the best home life, mental illness, mental struggles, anxiety, depression, things like that. I know there are sometimes factors such as those or more ones that I did not name yet. I know there's other factors that play into it, and while in this episode I might not have the direct cure for that, there are little things that you can do every day to help you take your power back from those anxieties or depressions or things like that and just try and connect and ground yourself a little bit more, or just little things to help romanticize the day and make it a little bit brighter while you are working on your healing journey. So I know sometimes it's way easier said than done, but I'm going to do my best to share these tips with you and things that have personally helped me.
And I am going to be so clear with you guys: I feel like I've been in a slump literally up till this day. That's why I didn't record, because I seriously did not want to sit down and start preaching like, "This is how you're gonna glow up and fix your life and feel better," when I wasn't feeling that great and high and mighty myself, you know? And that is going to be one of my first pieces of advice: stop pushing it; stop pushing yourself to the limit. And that's one of the ways we end up in a slump, or maybe you're already in the slump, but there's these tasks that you have to do, or these jobs you have to go to, or people or plans that you have to see. Obviously, I know some of those are unavoidable, such as your job or school, like, you know, you have to get your education, you have to make your income. So I know those ones can be a little tricky, but if it's a social outing that you're just dreading, something like that, it's okay to give yourself a break, because that's how we keep digging ourselves deeper and deeper and deeper. So when you are imagining this slump that I'm talking about—maybe you've experienced it, maybe you haven't, good for you—when you are at the beginning of the slump, I want you to imagine like a little, like, ditch, just a little, though, like hole in the ground that's just like one shovel deep, you know what I mean? That's the beginning of the slump. And the thing about the slump is the longer you stay in it, the deeper down you're going to fall into it. So that's why it's super important to try to catch the early signs of the slump. Do what you need to do; take the time to yourself, you know, reflect, or surround yourself by people who love—I'll get into all the good ways to help recover from said slump—but the best thing you can do is catch it early and go easy on yourself and do not push it. I feel like personally when I feel a slump coming on, it almost sometimes makes me want to push even harder, which can be good to some extent, you know—that discipline and that determination is always good, you know, that work drive, kind of, kind of pushing you every day—but to some extent, because our feminine energy wants to rest; your masculine energy is what drives you to work hard. And I'm not—this is not about like male-female gender roles, but literally like spiritually, your feminine and masculine energy—I'll do a whole other episode on that—but your masculine energy wants work; they want movement; it has that drive to keep going and going and going. But your feminine energy also wants rest and healing and relaxation and just like safety, and you have to make sure you're finding a balance between that. And I have a different, different episode about burnout and stress, and I highly recommend listening to that one after you listen to this one if you haven't heard it, because they definitely go hand-in-hand, because burnout and stress all are things that are contributing factors to this slump. But sometimes you didn't even do anything to get in the slump; maybe you just wake up one day and you're feeling down in the dumps. It's okay, but learn how to listen to that signal from your body. And if you are dreading going to something, don't do it; try not to do it. I mean, maybe if it's like your sister or your best friend's wedding, suck it up and go. I'm just kidding; do what's best for you. But I mean, you know, like, if you're supposed to go out to the bars with a friend, like, say, "Hey, I'm really not feeling it right now, and I think for my own mental health I'm going to stay home tonight." And if they're really your friend, they'll understand. If they're not your friend, then they might be pushing you to go, but that's not your friend. But I think that's super important: just learning the signs from your body, learning when to say no. I used to be—and I said this in my last episode—such a yes person; like, I felt like I had to say yes to all plans. But the truth is you really don't, and you have to just say yes to the things that are filling you up. You're supposed to fill your cup, fill your energy, and stop doing things that drain your energy. So say no to the energy drainers, to the aura drainers; like, keep, keep your energies as high as you can because you're already in a fragile state, so you don't need to go surround yourself with other people or situations or settings that are going to bring you down.
This brings me to the fact that when you're in a slump, the main thing you have to focus on is yourself. Of course, there might be other things in life that have to be taken care of, again, like family, friends, job, school, but you really have to look inwards when you're in a slump, which can be very tricky to do because when you're in a slump, most likely you're doing the opposite of looking inwards. When I would get into a slump, I would be watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix all day—which, great show, fall vibes are on their way—but I would do that all day, and I would try to replace being present with myself with distractions. So, you know, TikTok, YouTube—not in like a beneficial, like, "I'm learning from this video" type of way, but like brain rot type of way—or again, Netflix, movies, things like that. And it's okay to enjoy those things; those are nice little luxuries of life that I do think everybody should enjoy, but all day, every day, for weeks straight? I don't think so. There were days when I would stay in bed, not get up, not do anything, just lay in bed on my phone, and that was the day. Do you think that made me feel any better at all? And it might have distracted me from the fact that my life was quite literally falling apart; it might have distracted me from the fact that I was in a room filled with literal filth where I couldn't see anything around me because I was just letting my environments get so gross, and I was super behind on work, and I haven't responded to any of my friends' texts. Like, did that make me feel better? No. But did it distract me from reality? Yes. Being distracted from reality is not necessarily always a good thing. So a huge tip I have is when you're in a slump, that's when you actually need to focus on grounding yourself even more, meaning you have to spend alone time with yourself, and you better get comfortable, real comfortable, because if you want to get out of this slump and get out of it fast, you're going to have to do some reflecting. What got you here? What are you feeling? Why are you feeling the ways you're feeling? What are you doing to progressively try and get out of this slump? You know, you really have to ask yourself these questions. And if those questions are too big or too scary or too deep, you don't even have to do that; just get out your journal and write about your day. "Dear diary, today I bed rotted, and it didn't feel that good." "Dear diary, my boyfriend broke up with me, and all I want to do is stay in bed and eat ice cream," honestly. When you write that out, you're going to be like, "What am I doing with my life?" and you're going to want to get up. But also, I know it's not always that easy, but reflecting and just writing your thoughts out onto paper really helps, especially if you struggle with anxious thoughts or overthinking like that, oh my goodness, because Lord knows I do. The best thing for me is to literally do a brain dump, especially before bed: all the stress and the anxiety and the overthinking, anxious thoughts, like, put it onto paper, because if it's just staying in there, crowded up in your brain, it's going to stay there; you have to release it onto paper. And once you release it on paper, let it go; let it go. And if it is important, it will come back up to light, but if it's not, not, and it's just a tiny insignificant little anxious thought, let that live on the paper; let that stay on the paper, and then you could like burn it or something, I don't know.
All right, so you're sulking, you're sad, you're in bed, you're bored, you're depressed, you're anxious, you're lonely—I don't know, there's so many different types of slumps to get stuck in. Here's what you're going to do: you're going to open your window, because I know you have been dreading the fact that it's actually daytime and you actually haven't left your bed yet. So open your blinds—mine are closed right now because it's nighttime—but if it's daytime, open your blinds; let that sun in. Okay, we're going to let the sun in; the natural light—I don't mess around with artificial lighting; I'm a natural light girl. I honestly hate growing up; I hated when the big light was on; oh my gosh, no; I'm a natural light girl. Windows, everything open; it's fresh air. And now get out of your bed. The hardest part for most people: get out of your bed. That was the hardest part for me. And even if you plan on staying in bed the rest of the day, what I'm going to need you to do for me is get out of bed, take a shower. And I know you want to wear those comfy clothes; you can put them back on; I'm gonna let you put them back on, but put on a new set of comfy clothes, and make it, you know, a cute comfy pajama set, you know—that silk Victoria Secret or your favorite comfy t-shirt and slippers. Make it something that you actually enjoy and you don't feel gross and disgusting in. And again, I'm not saying don't be comfortable, but put on a clean outfit. And when you're taking the shower, I want you to pretend like you are literally washing away all the negativity off your body; you're washing away all the anxious thoughts, all of the sadness; just cleans all that negativity off your body; rinse it all away. And when you get out of the shower, you are a fresh new person. Okay, okay. I don't know if you need to cry in the shower; I don't know if you need to listen to sad music or happy music or a podcast, for example, but do what you got to do, but rinse it all away; rinse it all away. Just envision it literally rolling off your body and down the drain. I know that sounds so corny, but I swear I've been doing that since I was little, and it helps me when I remember to do it. And obviously, there's so many little things in your day-to-day routine that will help so, so much with getting yourself out of the slump: drinking water, making your bed every day is a huge one. If you do nothing all day except for make your bed, I call that a win. If you laid in bed and it is now midnight, like you spent a whole day in bed, make your bed; make your bed and lay on top of it just so you could say you did something and then you're not a failure. In journal and take a shower; that's a day, and I'm proud of you.
Overall, though, getting out of a slump, something that really, really helps is to romanticize the littlest, stupidest things. Because here's the thing: we can go through life looking at everything exactly for what it is; like, I can look at these flowers next to me and just say, like, "Oh my gosh, there's a vase of dead flowers literally right next to me, and I'm just staring at it," or, you know, I have just like a water bottle; I'm just drinking water, or I'm just sitting in bed watching Netflix. But no, these are actually flowers that my boyfriend got me, and I love to look at them and admire them even though they're dying; or this water bottle is my all-time favorite water bottle in the world, and it's cute and it's pink, and I am so grateful that I have access to clean water to keep me hydrated throughout the day. You know what I'm saying? Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Okay. Romanticizing everything: breakfast—like, don't just get out of bed and pour yourself the wimpiest, saddest bowl of cereal; like, make your avocado toast, or even if you're going to eat cereal, like, put it in a cute bowl, guys. It's about the littlest things, and I know you're going to be like, "How are these little minuscule factors going to fix my anxiety or my depression or get me out of the slump?" It's all the little things combined, but it's not just about what these little things are, okay? Like, the world isn't going to change if you have your cereal in a cute bowl or not, but what it's about is your perspective and the energy that you're putting out into the world. Because if you learn to appreciate all the little things that you do in your day-to-day life, the universe and the world will start treating you so differently, and you just have to realize that. Because once your perspective changes, the world around you changes. So once you learn how to make those little changes, just tweak things to think slightly less negatively and see the glass half full, life changes for, for you, and the universe can pick up on that energy, and they will help you, and they will send so many more blessings your way. And when you're focused on the good, you feel good. Like, who is going to admit this? I am, because literally, think about it: if I'm having a horrible, horrible day, right, but then I start looking around at all the things I'm grateful for, and I decide to make myself my favorite breakfast and my favorite bowl and listen to my favorite music and put on my favorite pajamas or something, I don't know—how can I be mad? How can you be mad when you have this beautiful life and all these blessings, and I just got to romanticize my whole morning like I was in my Pinterest board, and like, there's people out there who have none of that, you know what I mean? It's all about your perspective. Why am I like about to cry right now? Oh my gosh, I'm on my period; no one, no one judge me. Even do this for the things that are painful, such as your period, right? Okay, your period, your menstrual cycle—those, for a lot of people, are part of my friend a [ __ ] periods are a [ __ ] [ __ ], and it hurts: the cramps, the bleeding, like you can't do anything; oh my gosh, it's so painful; you're moody; the PMS is terrible, at least for me. And of course, it sucks when you're going through it, but there's still a part of me that, for some reason, loves getting my period. It makes me feel like a woman; it reminds me that I'm not on birth control anymore, because when I was on birth control and I was like having that fake period, like I didn't feel grounded or connected with, with my body. And it's reminding me that I'm fertile and that, you know, my body is doing this so that I could have babies and protect the egg and all the sciencey stuff of period, but it means my body is working. So take this as a symbolic lesson, as a metaphor: even the most painful things, such as a period, or maybe a breakup or something also painful emotionally, even the painful things in life, find a way to be grateful for them. Even the slump that you're in, find a way to be grateful for it, because you're going to come out of it stronger; you're
Going to come out of it more motivated to do better, and again, like be so resilient and bounce back 10 times stronger. And again, if you're in a slump, this whole cheesy, mushy, gushy [__] might not be working on you, so I'm going to tell you some more stuff that you absolutely have to do.
Back to the routine: stop doing things in bed. You're just going to want to stop doing things in bed. I was a full-time content creator; okay, I don't do it full-time anymore, but right now at least, because it was too much for me to be on my phone all the time, and I didn't have the self-control because I would stay in bed all day. I would wake up in the morning, be like, "H, time to clock in," pick up my iPhone, lay in bed on my side scrolling, and I'm like working, but I'm in bed, and like I stayed there all day, most days, like morning to dark. And yeah, I would edit some videos or pick up some inspo along the way while I'm scrolling through my "For You" page, but at the end of the day, like I basically just bed rotted. Maybe I made a couple bucks or did something a little bit productive or responded to one or two emails, but I just bed rotted all day. Stop doing things in your bed. Oh my gosh, ever since I was in like Middle School, I've been eating in my room, not just like at a desk or anything, though, but in my bed; not only in my bed, but in my bed under the covers with a show playing. Please, if you do that—I know it's so enjoyable because I've been there—please try your best to stop doing it. At least watch something on the couch or at your desk or something like that, but please get out of your bed.
And here's the reason why: when you are spending all day in your bed, well, one, the whole day will pass, and you'll be like, "[__] I did nothing today." At least if you're going to scroll through your phone all day on TikTok, like get up. And again, like I say all the time, do it on the treadmill, do it on a walk outside, do something while you're stretching, or like do it—go scroll through TikTok at a cafe or a library. I don't even care where you do it, but just like get out of your bed, so you could say you left. That's the first step: just get up. I know you don't feel like it right now, but get up.
And what really helps for me with getting up is the 3-2-1 Rule, and that's literally exactly what it sounds like. If you don't feel like doing something and you're just in bed like a freaking zombie, and you just can't get up in the morning, and your—I don't know—your alarm's going off, and your reminders are saying, "It's time to go, it's time to go, it's time to go," and you just do not feel like getting up or going anywhere, literally in your head go 3, 2, 1, and just get up and do it. Because in the amount of time that you spend dreading a task, you could have already had it done. You could have already had it done. You could have already had it done.
And this is about celebrating the little wins. Okay, so if your win for the day is that you got up out of bed and you went and scrolled through TikTok on the couch instead of in your bed, then that's a win. Like, get up, get out of your room, see the light, get the fresh air, maybe be around people who you like, do things like that. Because if you continue to eat in your bed, if you continue to work in your bed and watch your shows in your bed—which, okay, obviously like watching a show in your bed is normal—but doing it all the time, anytime you're in bed, like you are supposed to associate your bed with restfulness and relaxation and sleep. Okay, you need to know that when you get in bed it's like ah—like imagine this: you took your shower, you put on your silky PJs, you get into your nice clean sheets, you're all nestled up, you have a—oh my gosh—crisp water bottle, like icy water next to you, so good. Imagine you that feeling right, and maybe you have a book or journal, and you're all Pinterest-worthy clean girl in your clean bed, right? That feels so good, so rewarding, so well-deserved after that long day you just had, and you're like getting in bed and you're like, "Okay, like this feels good. It's an environment change; my body knows it's time to rest now. My body knows it deserves this, and it's time to relax and unwind and go to sleep," right? But if you spend all day in your bed, what is rewarding about that? Literally, what's rewarding about that? Like, how are you going to be like, "Ah, time to go to bed," when you've been in bed all day, all day, and you've probably been all gross in there, and your bed's probably all crummy and filled with food? Not speaking from experience or anything like that, but no, yeah, I've been trying to not eat in my room or anything anymore. And if I do, like I want to do it not actually in bed, or maybe eating outside on the patio, or I don't know, something like that. Make it a thing; make it enjoyable for you. Even if you get fast food or takeout, like if you don't want to go inside and eat it at home, like go to a pretty lookout spot and eat it in your car and have some alone time with yourself, and then maybe watch your favorite show or listen to a podcast or some music, like call a friend, something like that. But yeah, your bed is a dangerous place to be if you're in a slump. It might feel comfortable—I'm not saying it's not—but it's dangerous when you're in a slump.
I feel like you sometimes feel these waves of guilt; like you'll be in your slump, and you'll be in your down mood, and then, for me personally, like I'll feel like this wave of like, "Uh, what am I doing? I'm not doing enough. I need to be doing more. I'm doing this wrong. I'm wasting time. I'm wasting energy. Like, what am I doing? This is not the highest, hottest, and healed version of myself. Okay, this is not that." And it would happen a lot, actually, when I would be in my bed, like scrolling through my phone on days when I was working social media full-time, but I would just be, you know, editing my own videos and in bed for hours on end because I kept getting distracted by TikTok, and then I would have this feeling like my heart kind of dropped to my stomach, like that pit in the bottom of your stomach, like being like, "Something is wrong." And obviously, obviously, that's called anxiety, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, anxiety. But anyway, that was not a good feeling; like it's like that like sudden like, "Oh my gosh, like I have to do something." Yes, that's a horrible feeling. So when you feel that, what you need to do is get up and start your day in some way. So again, showering, washing your face, getting off your phone, getting out of bed, going outside, something like that. And like I already touched on, a change of scenery is huge for that. So whatever you're doing, if you're going to do school work or anything like that, go and do it at the library, or maybe set up a picnic by yourself or with some friends with a pretty lookout spot, do it outside if you have a table or a patio or something like that. Change it up; keep it interesting, but don't let yourself go in a spot where you are going to get distracted and a little too comfy.
A super helpful thing when it comes to getting out of a slump is making a change of some kind; just making a change. Sometimes, like for example, when I had my red hair, right? I was lowest of lows; that was a person I would not even be friends with anymore. Oh my goodness, maybe I would, but she was—she had no chill. Anyway, when I was at my lowest, one of my lowest points I would say, I got to this point where I was like, "I don't want to be in my body anymore. I wanted to crawl out of my own skin because I just felt so ew; like I felt so gross, and nothing was making me feel better. And when I looked in the mirror, I didn't like who I saw, and it was just had nothing specifically to do with the way I actually looked, but just the way I felt; like I felt like my energy was so icky, and I needed this cleanse." And obviously, no one around me knew what was going on, and that's the funny thing about slumps is when you're in them, sometimes people have no idea that you're actually in them, but you know, and you feel a difference. And for me, I was like, "I need to change something, just something quick; like I just need to change something to take control over my life." And I'm not saying, you know, flee the country and move away from all your friends and family; if that's your solution, so be it, no judgment, dear thing girl, I'll support you, but I'm just saying like a change, which for me was dying my hair. I was like staring at myself, and I was like, "Ew, this red hair, get it off me now. I'm hating it." I literally told nobody, went to a beauty school to get my hair done; it was like 60 bucks. Life hack: if you trust them to do your hair, it's cheaper to get it done in a beauty school. And they changed it back to black, and I was like, "I could breathe." Like I felt like that person who had the red hair was no longer me anymore. More, I felt like I—yeah, I was just kind of icked out by my energy and things I had done and the person I was becoming. And I had my time, you know, she had her moment, and I love her, and I'm thankful for that version of myself and all the lessons I learned when I was that version of myself, but she did not love herself, and she did not treat herself with that much respect, and I needed to get rid of her. Like I just wanted to like feel like me again, right? Because I had had this this colorful hair ever since I was in my toxic relationship, you know, and I felt like me again. Making that change, although it's something so insignificant—$60 worth of dyed black hair—you know, it felt good. And the reason it felt good is because I felt like everything was spiraling, right, and I had no control, and I was just kind of going through the motions of the days, and it felt like life was happening to me. But you need to make the switch and make you happen to life, if that makes sense. Stop letting things just happen to you, right? You have to make things happen for you. So I decided, for me, I was going to be like, "I'm making a change, and I'm deciding to dye my hair. I'm not getting anyone's opinion; I'm just doing it for me." And so I did. And although that might sound so silly, obviously if you're like severely depressed or have anxiety or anything like that, like dyeing your hair is going to be like, "Ah, like I'm in la la land; everything's fixed now." It's not that easy, but it does help; making a little change does help, for me personally, make you feel like you have a sense of control over your life. So whether that's painting your walls, or I don't know, changing up your playlists, refreshing your Instagram feed—I don't know, Instagram makeover, changing your profile picture—something so silly and insignificant can actually help you feel like you're gaining control. So just think of the things that you can change in your life; you know, a closet cleanout, for example. Clutter is actually so horrible for anxiety and energy; like all that old negative energy, I feel like it's just creeping over me, and I'm pointing in my left direction if you're watching because my closet's over there, and I have a lot of old clothes in there that I want to get rid of, and that's one of the things that really overwhelms me is my closet, 'cause I have so many clothes that just have old memories and they're like so my old style, and it's just like—I'm selling on Depop, by the way, because I need to get rid of all this crap. Again, even this could be a style, you know, wardrobe change to really help you feel like you have control over your life.
While we're on the topic really quickly of fashion and style, I have my own own clothing collection out, and I already launched the pink one last month, but guys, we have a white one and a black one now, and it's so cute; I'm obsessed. Yeah, we have white, black, and pink now, as you guys asked. So it's only available until September 16th, I believe, and every order comes with these super cute stickers and like a personalized note and everything like that. So if you want to order, it's all sustainably made by hand; I designed it, and again, it's sustainable fashion, so not that whole fast fashion crap. You are going to be a sustainable queen and buying eco-friendly, ethical, sustainable pieces that are going to last you. Okay, okay.
When I'm in a slump, and I know this goes for most people, I find that I am very negative, especially around my period. Oh my goodness, I hate being a negative person, but when you're in a low point in life, it's very easy to let negativity get through to you. You know, a lot of people in my life, they know me as like always super positive and optimistic, which I try my best to be, right? But when I'm in a slump and I'm going through something myself, I feel like I'm trying not to put that on other people, so it's kind of just like attacking me inward almost and getting even worse. So that's another thing is don't suppress; okay, let it out; it's okay, um, because you shouldn't have to deal with those burdens either. And sometimes it can be very helpful to talk about things as well. But what I was saying was I find myself getting very negative internally, like internal negativity; I'm directing it towards myself, right? So, for example, the day before my period, when I was literally a raging [__] because of my PMS, I was having a horrible day; I was like one—one of those days, like, "Oh, like I don't know what to wear; my makeup's not right; I'm getting hot," and then, you know, I missed my exit on the freeway, the food that I was ordering, like the place was closed, things like that—all these little insignificant things—but I was giving power to them because I was feeding them with negative energy. And positive love grows things, right? We know that gratitude will grow—grow things and attract even more positive things, right? But negativity, unfortunately, does the same thing; you get more of what you focus on. So when I'm in this negative spiral, it's so easy for me to be like, "Oh," like I was literally like, "Oh, I'm going to KMS; I'm going to, you know, freak out." I was screaming; I was like literally basically banging my head. Obviously, when I was in that state, I was way more susceptible to irritation, things like that. But again, when you're already kind of having a rainy day—day, or when you're in the slump, it's like the straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing. So when I'm having these negative thoughts, it's like I'm digging myself—remember that slump that we were talking about—as things start happening to me, and I'm responding to them with negative energy, I am digging myself deeper and deeper and deeper into the ground, and it's going to be so much harder for me to turn it around because it's—I'm just like digging myself into a hole. So, for example, I'm like, "Oh, I'm so stupid," right? I missed my exit, or "I'm so stupid for wasting my whole day in bed," you know? I would get mad at myself; I really genuinely would. I'd be like, "Oh, like I spent this whole entire day in bed; like I was supposed to do XYZ, and now I didn't accomplish any of it." Well, I'm beating myself up over it, and I'm saying like, "Oh," like, for example, "I'm so dumb," or "I hate myself," right? And saying those things is like me affirming it into reality. Like, even if you're thinking that, even if you are a little mad at yourself, like don't own that; don't say it out loud. Because when you say those things, like you are supposed to be your own best friend; you are the only person you have at the end of the day, and you're in this slump, but your body and your soul and your heart and your mind is trying so hard to get you through to the next day, so you really, really, really need to show yourself some love and some patience and give yourself some grace. So stop giving power to these negative thoughts; stop affirming them into reality, which you need to do anytime you're having that thought, right? Say I accidentally—I slip up, and I mess up, and I say, "I hate myself; I hate myself today." Pause right there; rewind it. Now I'm literally going to force myself to say like 10 things that I like about myself. Okay, literally, I'm going to make you reverse what you just said. So this is what you're going to practice next time you find yourself saying something negative. Like, "Today is a bad day; today is just a bad day." No, it's not, because now I want you to go through your day and think of all the actually good things that happened to you today. When you woke up this morning, two, you probably got to drink some water or have a coffee; maybe you got breakfast; maybe you didn't get breakfast, that's okay; maybe you can find some time to pick up something yummy for lunch; you probably took a shower; you definitely had running water probably in your house this morning, I hope so; you have a phone to be watching or listening to this podcast in some regard; you are doing 10 times better than the next person, so I don't want to hear you say your life sucks or today is just a bad day because you woke up and you're here and you're present and you're alive; that's automatically—that should be a great day. But when we're in this slump, it is so hard to see the glass half full; your mind automatically reverts this like glass half empty mindset, but that is so, so bad, and you will never be happy if you keep thinking that way. So it's really truly about your perspective, like I said before with the romanticizing the little things in life, your perspective. And I know again, if you're in this slump, it's easier said than done, but I want you anytime you let those negative thoughts in, right? Because when we're in a slump, you're drowning in negativity, practically, at least for me, like when I'm having a bad day, I am having a Bad Day, right? So I—I'm like, "I'm stupid," and let me just preface, I don't actually mean these mean words; I'm just saying them to paraphrase, but you know, I'm saying, "I'm stupid; I hate my life; this is the worst day ever; oh my gosh, I don't want to go to whatever I'm going to," and this was literally me like 3 days ago, and I'm like, "What?" I was letting the negativity win, and I know again, in some situations, it's so hard to switch your perspective because the situation you're in might be actually bad. Try to find good in it, no matter how painful it is; there's a lesson behind it, or an experience or a memory behind it, and I want you to try to find that. Just remember that you woke up this morning and you're here listening to this podcast, so that counts for something, and this found you, and that counts for something, and I think it was meant to find you, and you made it.
Another thing that's super helpful when you're in a slump is surrounding yourself by people who ground you. So whether that's a pet—it could be a pet; pets are very, very grounding. I feel like my cat can literally tell when I'm sad or emotional, and he just like comes up to me, and I think it's really nice to like cuddle, or you know, it could be a significant other, your best friends, call up an old friend, call a family member, you know, even if they're not here in person, don't be afraid to reach out and kind of extend your hand out for help, uh, because everyone goes through this; it's okay to admit to somebody, "Hey, I'm going through it right now, and I really need somebody." That's okay; you can message me, and I will be here. You know, don't be afraid to reach out and admit to somebody else that you're going through a slump because I promise you, everyone, everyone has gone through it. And I just want you to remember that there was probably a time, and I know for me, and maybe for you, this is something you've experienced in the past, where you have been in a slump, right? And sometimes it doesn't feel like you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but just because you can't see it, I promise, promise, promise that it's there, and you will make it out to the end. Just stay positive, practice your gratitude, and again, stop giving power to negativity; stop feeding it. You have to break the cycle; there's that saying—it was like a TikTok sound even—it was like, "Break the cycle today, or what is it? It's like something like, 'Break the cycle today, or it repeats again tomorrow'," something like that, and it's so true, and it's kind of creepy and a little bit eerie—like it's true, though. If you don't break this cycle—you're in this cycle of negativity, the cycle of bed rotting, this slump—if you don't break that cycle, it will keep going on and on and on. So do one little thing; make one little change to take your power back; to prove to yourself that you can do it. So what—that's letting the light in after you haven't for days, taking a shower, washing your face, saying your affirmations, journaling something, listen to positive music. Oh my gosh, guys, stop listening to sad music! I know when you're in a slump, like you want to feed your negativity, like I just said; make a switch; you guys have to do the switch; you have to make the switch. And there's these things that I started doing called Energy Checks, and I need to do them more often; I honestly haven't lately, but I heard this girl say it on YouTube, actually; I learned it a while ago, like years ago, but I'll never forget it, and she would set random timers throughout the day, literally being like, "Energy check," like just the reminder, get a notification or an alarm being like, "Energy check," because if you start your day really good, like—and this happens to me all the time—I'll start my day like, "Journal, affirmations, feeling good, feeling fun," and then maybe hours later I'm at work, and something bad happens to me, and I let it get my whole day down, you know, mean customer or got in a fight with a family member, something like that, and all of a sudden I forgot the amazing morning I was having; I forgot all the things that I'm so grateful and blessed to have, and all of a sudden I'm giving power to this negative occurrence, and all of a sudden I'm feeding into it, and I'm letting it ruin my day. And then you get your energy check; that's what the energy check is for. Energy check goes off; you're like, "Let me assess; okay, well, I'm feeling down; I'm feeling irritated; I'm feeling annoyed; a little pissed off; and I don't want to be here anymore." Rewire that when you have the energy check and your energy is not in check. I need you to—yeah—reframe that perspective. You know, still, I'm at work; I'm employed; I have a job; I'm making an income; and I have this job that once was a job that I really, really wanted, right? And maybe that person who was rude to me was just having a bad day, but I'm still so grateful to be here regardless, and I shouldn't give power to little things and little people. So reframing your energy definitely really helps, and I highly suggest doing it, especially if you're in a slump and you're finding it hard to remain positive or reframe your perspective, like I was saying, energy checks on your…
Phone can be very, very helpful, even though it might sound a little silly. Give it a try. Give it a go anyway.
I believe that wraps up today's episode. Like I said, you guys are not alone. I used to be in a slump, literally at the beginning of today, and I just was having a hard time. And you know, I stayed in bed for a few hours today, but the day is not wasted. You know, there's no such thing as a wasted day. I love watching those TikToks or like YouTube videos saving a half-wasted day, which is what I do honestly most days. It's okay if you want to rest. It's okay if you need some alone time. And it's okay to bed rot every now and then. Like, we need that too. We need the time to relax and just be a girl every now and then.
But it's important to find a balance, and while you are doing that, it's important not to lose yourself and feed into negative energy. Remember that you are not a failure. You are not hopeless. You are not helpless. And you are not lazy. You're just living life the same as everybody else, and this is a struggle that so many people go through. And everyone moves at their own paces. So if you need a second to step back, take a step back. Take a look at everything, assess the situation. If you need to rejuvenate, if you need some alone time, if you need to relax, recoup, do that. No one's going to hold it against you.
And if you guys ever want to talk, I have the Instagram group chat on my main. I think in hot unbothered, I'll have it linked. My main is at BrianGomez with 2 bees, and you can follow us at hotunbotheredbed on Instagram and TikTok. Add me on Snapchat. I am way more active on there—that's a lie; I'm trying to be more active on there. We're all growing, we're all learning. Okay, um, anyway, uh, don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to shop my clothing line. I love you guys so, so much, and I will see you on breed day because I'm going to try not to get stuck in a slump this week and not miss the breed day upload. Okay, okay. I love you guys so much. Bye