Transcription
Human beings absolutely follow through on who they believe they are. If you said to me, "Well, I'm really gonna work hard to stop smoking, but, you know, I've been a smoker my whole life and I'm, you know, I am a smoker," I know your days are numbered. You're gonna be back smoking cigarettes again because we all act consistent with who we believe we are.
I tell people, the strongest force in the whole human personality is this need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. If you define yourself as somebody who is really conservative, you're not gonna be crazy and act nuts unless you're really drunk or something. And then you can say it's the alcohol. When it really does you finally getting permission to be yourself, the alcohol is your excuse. If you're a really crazy person, you act crazy, outrageous, playful. You don't act conservative because that's not who you are.
Often people say, "Well, I can't do that. I'm not that kind of person." And I always say to people, "Really? When did you define yourself?" I mean, really, how many years ago did you come up with what you could and couldn't do in your life? How many years ago? Most people, if they really look at how to live in your life today, it's based on a set of standards, a set of beliefs that they made choices about 10, 20, 30, or more years ago. I mean, very often we made decisions in our youth, or very young, about what to believe, about what we were capable of, about who we are as a person. And that becomes the glass ceiling. A few well, that controls us.
There's a corny metaphor, but it's true. I remember one time I was with my family at the circus, and there's a person there. They had this big, giant elephant. And you look at this elephant, and they take this little rope, put it around the elephant's neck, and yank. And they drive this stake into the ground. And I mean, you look at this, you know, that elephant could rip down the entire tent with almost no effort. And yet, the elephant doesn't struggle, doesn't try. Why? Because the elephant's conditioned. And they take that elephant, and conditioned the elephant when it's a baby elephant. That's how they train them. When it's a little baby elephant, and it doesn't have the power yet, they put a big rope around it and they drive this huge stake in the ground. And your elephant fights and fights and fights. And one day, finally, that elephant decides, "I'm not capable." And once that becomes the definition of an identity of anyone, elephants in this case, they don't even try anymore. It's just, "Who I am. That's how it is. That's just the way it is in my life."
I'd like to ask you to take a look at any place you've got a limitation. Ask yourself, "When did I decide to accept that limitation?" And you may not even see it as a limitation. You might see, "They're just, that's who I am." But so often, our lives, we've adapted to be a certain way so that we don't fail, or so that people will like us or respect us. But it's not necessarily who we are.
Joy comes when you're spontaneous. It's really hard to be truly happy when you're not being yourself. And most of us have no clue who we are. And so a big part of my work, if you've ever been to an event, you know, is to get people or do things spontaneously without thinking, because that's when the real you shows up. That's when the energy comes alive. And when you do that, when you start to connect your true nature, suddenly there's energy available for you to set a higher standard for what you want in your life. That's what this is really all about.
And when I talk about standards, when I talk about, you know, "shoulds" versus "musts," think about your own life. I know there have been areas in your life where, at some point in time, you just shifted and you raised the standard in your life. Change. Because whatever people have their identity attached to, they live. We live who we believe we are. That's just how it works.
It's just kind of like, I give an example. Look at your physical body. Your physical body today is an absolute reflection of only one thing: not your goals, not your desires, but your standards, the identity you have for yourself. If your standard is, "You're an athlete," then there's a certain amount of strength, a muscle tone, and energy that's available in your body on a regular basis because that's who you are. And so you do whatever is necessary to maintain that identity.
Again, the strongest force in the human personality is this need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. Because if you don't know who you are, you would not act. Once you lock in on that identity, your brain finds a way to keep you there. And you say, "No, man, I'm overweight. I've always been overweight. I'm big-boned." And that's the story you've got, and you're gonna always find a way to get back there. That's your settling point. That's your identity. That's where things lock in.
If you see somebody who's in really great shape, you ask them, "Do you work out?" You know the answer. Yes. "How often?" And they'll tell you, "Three times, four times, five times a week." Whatever. In a seminar, I ask people who work out at least five days a week, and I stand up. And you look around that room, and you know that they work out five times a week. You can see their body. You don't just get a result without some kind of action, without some form of ritual. Ritual meaning actions you do consistently.
Now, do you think you know people that are out there working out five days a week? Do they have more time than you do, or I have, or anybody else? Of course not. Is that a wife less busy? Of course not. It's just a "must" for them. They must work out that way, and they've made that turn their life changed. So I'm not saying you have to work out five days a week. I'm just saying, whatever you really want, once don't get met consistently, standards do whatever you identify this is Who I am.
And so it's not so much about changing your identity as there's expanding it. You know, deciding that, you know, instead of your goals to lose 10 pounds, which is not compelling. What if your vision was to get back to my fighting weight? You know, just this year, this month, this next 90 days, I'm gonna transform my body. I'm gonna take on a new challenge. I'm gonna find some technique or strategy. There's a million of them that can reframe myself. Or I'm gonna feel younger, stronger, more vibrant than ever before. Here's my reasons: because I want the energy to really make my life work, because it's tough out there, and I want to be stronger than I've ever been before. I want to go in front of the mirror, if I'm naked, not, you know, wanna laugh. I won't look there and take a good look and go, "Yeah, I'm proud of whatever I see there." Whatever it takes. Something's gonna make you laugh, smile, something that's gonna tease yourself, but something's gonna move you to another level.
If you identify yourself in a new way, and you own that everyday, and that becomes the staredown you live, you'll find the way to make that standard real. Money is the same way. I think about it. Doesn't matter what's happening, quote-unquote, in the marketplace. People that make money find a way to make money, no matter what, don't they? I mean, people's standard is to pay their bills. So that's what most people find a way to do. Even when economic times get tough, most people, if that's their absolute standard, they find a way. Some people's standard is, "Pay their bills and most of the time." And so most of the time, they do. Some people's standard is not just to pay their bills, but to take care of their family and maybe even some of their friends, and they find a way.
In fact, you know, some people may be in a family where they don't have enough money to barely have money to pay their bills. They work their guts out. And then somebody, their mother, their father, or somebody else, their sister gets ill, and there's not enough money to take care of it. Nobody else has money in the family. They don't either. But they find a way to get that money to take care of their mother or father, don't they? And pay their bills. They never could do it before. Why? The situation made them raise their own standard. And not everybody does that. Somebody else in the family might have money and still don't take care of their mother.
It all comes down to the inner game, my friends. Changing your life is a change in the inner game. The outside world, you can't control. But you have absolute control over this one. If you learn the dynamics of what shapes you, and identity is one of those simple, clear, fundamental basics that if you start to shift it, everything else will shift in your life as well.
Some people, by the way, have to have more than enough money to do what they want, when they want, where they want, with whomever they want, contribute the way they want. If that's their "must," they find a way. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true. Now, somebody once said, "You can take all the money in the world out of the hands of everybody, out of all the wealthy people in the world, give it to other people. It wouldn't take too long. Those people have it back in their hands." It's not because they're manipulators. It's because they have a standard. Some are manipulators, don't get me wrong, but they've got a standard of what they're gonna find a way to make happen.
I'm just simply saying to you, take those three magic words and live them: Raise your standard. If you really want to do it, then I'll take the most important secret. Have you ever done this? Have you ever told yourself, "I'm raising my standard. Okay, I'm gonna go make this happen. I'm gonna go make this much money. I'm gonna transform my kids. I'm gonna create the ultimate relationship of my life. I'm gonna transform my body." Whatever it is. And then you don't have strong enough reasons, and you don't use it, you don't follow through. It's because you didn't back up your standards with what makes those standards real. And that's ritual.
Rituals. All of the power is whenever we do our Robbins Results Coaching, and we did Robbins Results, we get results with people. It's the same way. If you listen to my Ultimate Edge program, or back in the old days, Personal Power, or if you went to one of my seminars, you know what I do is I take these huge challenges you got, and we break them down into little bite-sized steps, little things you do each day that after you do them, you get so much momentum that it's easy to succeed. You're not overwhelmed. You have these victories day after day after day on little things.
If you went to Ultimate Edge, I'm sure you learned about the Hour of Power, or the 15 minutes to be able to be fulfilled, or 30 minutes to thrive, where you literally just conditioned your body and emotion with a couple little rituals. So it doesn't matter what's going on in your world, you feel that strength. And it's not fake. It's not some pump-up. It's coming from inside you. And it works.
Rituals define us. See, all the results in your life are coming from your rituals. They start with a standard, and then have rituals that follow it up. Like, for example, if you are where you want to be physically, you have very different rituals than if you're not where you want to be physically. If you're overweight, you and I both know you got a different ritual than if you're physically fit. Completely different. You get up in the morning. What's the first thing you do? If you're fit, your shoes are there. You roll over to the minute you feel, you put on your shoes, you lace them, you start walking or whatever that ritual is. If you're overweight, you roll over, and you have a very different ritual. You might roll over several times to turn the alarm clock off. You go in and get your mocha mocha, whatever, you know, special coffee. You stop by at Starbucks. All over the case, maybe you have your nice sugar muffin, you know, it's supposed to be really nice for you. Whatever you do, it's a different ritual.
If you have a great, passionate relationship, you have very different rituals and how you come home than if you have a lousy relationship. You come home, and the first thing you do is you're tweeting somebody, or you're emailing, or flipping on the news, or you don't even come home. And what are the rituals? Whenever I study people that are successful, well, I look for is what's the standard they hold themselves to, and then what are all those little rituals that back it up. Because think about it, success and failure are not giant events. Don't just show up. You'll just suddenly become successful, or suddenly have this cataclysmic event that makes you fail. It may look that way, but failure comes from all the little things. It's failure to make the call. It's failure to check the books. It's failure to say, "I'm sorry." It's failure to push yourself to do things physically that you don't want to do. And all those little failures day after day come together until one day, some cataclysmic event happens. You blame that event happened because you missed all the little stuff. Do you agree with me?
And success, by the way, is not some overnight event. It's all these little things. Success is having a vision. Success is making it compelling. Success is really seeing it, feeling it every day. Was strong enough for reasons. Success is feeling the sense that I'm here to grow, and I'm here to give something to the world more than just myself. Success is caring about other people. Success is calling and saying, "I love you," in the middle of the day for no damn reason, or sending a note that will change your relationship. Have a ritual of something funny, playful, or a surprise you do. How many relationships are dead today because they have no surprise rituals anymore? You need to have some rituals and cool things you do that nobody else does that gives you a better life than anybody else has. All the little stuff. That's where success comes from.
In business, it comes from delivering more than anybody could imagine. All those little things add up. People go, "Wow, that's who I want to do business with." It's true in any area of your life. So if you look at somebody's really successful, you think, "Wow, I mean, they're so amazing. They're such a genius." You kind of dig underneath. You got to remember something. People are rewarded in public for what they've practiced for years in private. Myself and my business. People say, "How you get up and speaking, nono-chan, you go for three days and nights, and the room is like it is wired, and it's incredible. It's like a rock concert. How do you do that? How do you get that confidence?" And you know, it's not confidence, it's experience. Now, but I did so much behind the scenes, and I still do, to make things right.
I mean, how many people would know that since the time I was 17 years old, before I walk on stage, still do to this day, wouldn't need to do it, but I still do it. I never walk out there without being in an absolute peak state of mind. You know, there are days my back is hurting, my throat was hurting, or I may have had a challenge, my father passed away, and I've still got to deliver for these people because my standard is, "Give my all every time." Everything has to be better. Talk to anybody who's been to our events for 5, 10 years. Some of our trainers, you know, they, I don't know, he does it. He's always finds a way to make it better. That's not an ego thing. That's a standard in me. I have to find the way. And my ritual, though, is I prepare. I think. I gather new information. I figure out how to put something across better. What do people need? I spend time with our customers. I see what's going on. And before I get on stage, each time, I have this little ritual to put myself in a state of mind. And I did it starting like 17 years old. I started doing it. Say, "I now command my subconscious mind." And I say this out loud several times. This little phrase, set of phrases, as an incantation to kind of condition my mind and body. And that's, "I now command my subconscious mind to do me and helping as many people as possible today by giving me the strength and the emotion and the humor and the brevity, whatever it takes to show this person and help this person change their life now."
And I started out with a person when I worked with people one-on-one, and I would do that for 45 minutes, driving in my Volkswagen to go serve and coach somebody for the first time. Now, I don't say that person, I say these people. And I can go out in a room of 10,000 people and deliver for 50 hours. And I do it every time I come back on stage. It's a ritual. A ritual to go into peak state. Peaks don't just show up. They interrupt you. Great ideas don't interrupt. You got to pursue them.
I talked to Michael Jordan. I'll never forget that. At the peak of his career, got to watch his final games, saw him backstage, and spent some time with him. And there's pretty exciting time. He was a famous basketball player. And I think that ever lived. And I asked him, I said, "You know, what sets you apart, Michael? You know, what is it? Is it God-given talent, ability, skill? What is it?" You should tell me. You know, he said, "I can shoot you straight. And you know, it's not, you know, me trying to act humble. He goes, I have a lot of talent. I've been given talent, a lot of skill. I worked really hard. But," he said, "really, it's my standards. He said, "Every day, I demand more for myself than anybody else could humanly expect. I'm not competing with somebody else. I'm competing with why I'm capable of."
Magic formula. Because most of us lower our standards. Why? Because who you spend time with, my friends, what do you become? One of the biggest reasons I started going to seminars when I was like 17 is I had nobody around me as a great role model. I could read about somebody, but being around people, being in that environment was very different. Finding a way to go to work with someone who lived that standard life was very different. You get around people with low standards, and you compete with it. You don't need to compete with it. It's like, "Okay, I mean, remember Jerry Springer? I know if he's still on the air, but you know, I remember used to get people on the show. I thought, "Where would he find these people?" Watch. They watch these people go, "My wife's not pretty darn good. Come here. That person. Look at them." You don't have to change your life. All you have to do is just find somebody with a lower standard. You'll feel good about yourself. But if you feel that good feeling, it's an illusion.
The only thing that's gonna make you happy, my friend, and this year or any other, is to step up. It's to raise the standard. It's to discover what you're capable of and feel that incredible power of pushing through whatever is holding you back and get to the other side of more of your true self. That's what this game is all about.
And look at the best of the world in anything. Tiger Woods. What's what's his vision? To win golf tournaments? No. To be the best that ever lived. That's his goal. That's his vision. But here's what's interesting. He backs it up with rituals. If you just have a vision and you don't know the rituals, stop lying to yourself. His rituals are he started doing things nobody did before. Went out and started lifting weights. Golfers lifting weights? No way. He went out and he changed his swing when he was the best in the world because he realized in order to be the best that ever lived, he's gonna have to change his swing. If you don't think about golf, you don't change your swing when you're the best. And he went and retrained himself because he has different rituals than other golfers. Now, many people are modeling his rituals to get better. It's amazing.
You know, you look at somebody like Michael Phelps, the 2008 swimmer, won seven. You know, only two people, I think, in history, if I remember correctly, have gotten seven gold medals in one session. And here's a guy. He's got number six. Centers Dalton, he's exhausted. And he's going in for that final swim. I'm sure you remember. And how does the guy win by one hundredths of a second? Do you think that was some massive skill that got him over the top? Or was it a standard that says, "This is who I am. I am the champion, and no one is taking this from me"? And somehow, in those final milliseconds, hundredths of a second, he pushed himself just beyond his competitor. But you know, how about Michael Phelps? What allowed him to be able push beyond that moment? Is this rituals. Go steady. The guy. Most people who swim have these unbelievable workouts. He does two and three of the workout sessions a day. All the other swimmers in the beginning thought he was insane. "You can overtrain. You can't do that. It's not physically possible." But he had a standard and the rituals to back it up.
So here's my final message to you, because I've gotten carried away. If I was gonna send you like a five-minute message, but you can see there's no script here. It's just me going a little crazy with you. But I want to really see you get what you want this year. Don't let this year be like last. And if last year was great, still don't let it be that way. Raise the standard. Your life is perfect and extraordinary. You darn well know you're not gonna be happy unless you keep making it better. That's what makes us feel alive. It's not what we get to make us happy. It's who we become and what we're able to give because we've become more. That sense of contribution is what creates the deepest meaning.
So here's my assignment for if you want one. If you want to go from conversation to some action, here's a simple thing to do. What's an area of your life right now that you really want to improve? What's an area that's important to improve? To your body's great. How about your career? Career's great. About your relationship? Intimate one, especially. Or your kids? Or your relationship with your Creator, spiritual side of your life? Or is it your finances? If you're an area that really matters, decide on that area. Number one, write down what your life is like in that area right now, specifically as possible. So you might say, "Well, I'm 13.5 pounds overweight," you know, whatever the weight is, whatever the situation is, or my body fat like this, or I'm a wake up exhausted in the morning. And you write the truth of where you are right now, so you're real clear. Or I'm not in a relationship. I say, "I want a relationship, but I, I'm not in one. I don't seem to find them. All the good ones seem to be gone," is my belief. You know, and I really do want one, but I don't have it. Whatever your definition. Well, I'm in a relationship and, God, I wish I wasn't in a relationship. I'm planning my escape. Wherever you are. Or I have a wonderful relationship. We love each other, but there just isn't enough passion. Just write the truth of where you are. The area you want to change. What right how it is.
And then the second step is, that's where you got to be really honest with yourself. What are the rituals that have put me there? Because whatever results you're getting, even if you don't like the results, there's some rituals that are keeping you in that place. There's some rituals of what you eat or don't eat, how you move or don't move, how you sleep or don't sleep. There's some rituals and the lack of variety or spice or energy or focus in an area. There's something you're doing, and it's usually not one thing, it's a bunch of little things they kind of do consistently. Whenever you think about getting in a relationship, whenever you think about working out, whenever you think about money, and get yourself in a state of overwhelm, you start thinking all the things you can't control. Just write down all the rituals you have.
And then here's the third step: What do you want? What's your vision? And be really specific. "I want to be in my fighting weight. I want to be the strongest I've ever felt. I want to be, I'm gonna turn my," whatever it is. Be specific. And then last step, number four: What are the rituals that'll get you there? What would you need it differently each morning? If you're going to be that kind of energy, that kind of strength, how would you have to often would you work out? What days would you work out? What time? A ritual is something you do consistently, usually at a specific time, so it becomes automatic.
Let me tell you something. Willpower doesn't last, but rituals can last a lifetime. I bet you have some rituals in your life right now you've been doing three years, even though some of them don't serve you. I'm just saying, wake yourself up. Make if you want a new year and a new life, you don't need you to start in January first. Start today. Start with this little video and just begin to see what happens and see how easy it is to just do a few little rituals. Don't do them all. Just do two or three new things. And you know what happens? You'll get momentum. Because once you discipline yourself in one area of life, you feel yourself doing it in other areas as well.
I always say something that my original teacher taught me. Always remind people, there's always two pains in life. There's the pain of discipline, or there's the pain of regret. And discipline weighs ounces, as my friend Jim Rohn taught me. Regret weighs tons. You don't have regret. So right now, what do you want to change? What's it really like? What are the rituals that got you there? That'll take a little homework. If you're not sure, ask the people around you. They'll tell you what your rituals are. What do I really want in depth? Or the rituals that will get me there? And then get yourself to start a few of those actions and lock them in place.
So I can help you in any way. We're here as a company to support you. Come to have an event with us. Come to Unleash the Power Within, or Master University, or get a coach. You can get a free coaching session if you call our company and click on something on this. We'll probably have something on it. Or get a product. Or don't do anything with us, but do something with somebody. Starting with you. If you make the change in yourself, you're gonna be proud this year. And no amount of money or accolades other people can mirror the feeling of being proud of knowing you've taken back control of your life, or you've taken a great life to another level. Because once you do that, you have something you can give other people. Would it be your kids, or your friends, or your family? And ultimately, that's why it's about.
[Music]