Transcription
Alrighty, boys. Welcome back to the channel. Today's video is marriage actually beneficial for men? Let's get this lady's perspective. And once again, there's going to be some good commentary, good rant here. Go and check out her original video linked in the video description. If you do want to go and watch that and don't want to listen to me, carry on.
Hello everybody. I'm a practicing therapist and a doctoral student of psychology. Today we're going to talk about is marriage actually beneficial for men. I made the female version. So male and female both. I just split them up as I typically do on this channel. This question was requested. This was the actual question that was requested. The other one I just made to tag on this. But the commenter asked, "Is marriage actually beneficial to men? Is there any research on that? What's the reason to get married?" And I do get that opinion. I think that there are a lot of men who don't think that marriage will be beneficial or some of you guys say like your friends who are in marriages are miserable and I get that. I think it depends on who you are married to.
Uh once again so no shade at this person but women can't understand what marriage is like for men because the experience is very different. Relationship experience for a man and relationship for experience for a woman is generally going to be uh the man's going to be a lot more sacrificial in that relationship. Sorry guys, bit of a croaky throat. A woman cannot understand what it's like to be harassed, heranged, nagged, having someone make you walk on eggshells in your own house for years on end. Someone who is more or less cutting you down piece by piece over the years, leaving you uh as a husk. And guys will say, "Well, what guy puts up with that?" A lot do. A lot live that life. Even guys who from the outside make out they've got perfect lives, uh perfect girlfriends, all that sort of thing. When they go home, they're getting run around. They're getting run around. And the only time that they're ever going to tell you what it was really like is if that wife goes and blows things up on them and he needs an outlet, which are going to be his friendship group. Men don't tell each other what truly what it's like when they're in marriage to guys who are looking to get married. That's almost a lie. They want guys to join the club, join the team. And I'm not rejecting that idea at all. My dad is a person, he was um he was married to my mom and they got divorced and he is a person who feels like marriage is not for him. He's very independent. Um he has a pretty strong financial portfolio. And something he always told me, which I know you guys don't agree on, but um I just felt like sharing this. He always told me that like the only person that he would ever want to be in a relationship with would be someone who has their own money because he doesn't want someone to just move in his house and take his stuff.
Oh, how how good is your dad? Get your dad on this show because that's the answer. When you're young and when you're a stupid man, we've all been there. Some of you are still young and stupid. You believe in all the the fairy tale that you're sold by society. You believe that if you get that woman, you get her on the hook, uh, you make her yours. She says, "I do that, you're going to be this power team. She's going to be there. She's going to lift you up when you're down, and you're going to lift her up when she's down." Most guys don't get that, but they buy into that and they find out the hard way what it's really like. Now, some guys have a good experience and they probably watch my channel saying, "What is this guy on about?" Or, "You got a good girlfriend." You you're probably in the stage that I talk about that first 18 months, maybe couple years. She probably wants you to marry her. So, she's playing nice. She's playing good. And you say, "Nah, not my girlfriend, Gman. My girlfriend doesn't do that. I get comments like that." No, I've got a good one, Gman. Okay, you might have. You might have, but the show isn't over yet. You haven't seen. So, let's just um stop the premature celebrations and uh criticism of the content. Why in the world? Once you're a man who's been married, gotten divorced, you've probably been cleaned out by a woman, or you've taken a big financial hit at least. Why in why in the world would you do it again? Especially people think it's about being bitter. You hate women. Uh, you're upset because a woman left you and you can't get over it. No, no, no. People who say that who haven't been divorced and a lot of women who are divorced but they never really cop it in the financial settlement. The guy always gets it. They're the ones who are walking away for money, right? They will never understand what it's like to put your trust in um somebody put your more or less your life on the line, right? Your money, your mental health is going to be closely connected to your success in life. You've given someone your time. you've you've you've helped them out. A lot of guys will do things to women like paying um off their debts. I get why guys do it. It's a stupid thing to do, but I've done it. They'll pay off a debt that a woman has. Like, well, okay, you've got some debt. You're coming in. We're about to get married. Uh, let's clear that. And then we got a clear slate and then the only way is up. So you get with a woman who has negative, not even nothing, less than nothing, literally in debt, you go and pull her out of that at your cost. You give her a good life. You uh give them access to your money cuz you're stupid. Joint bank accounts and all this sort of [ __ ] with all your life savings in it. And then it all goes pear-shaped. They decide like you notice, oh, she's acting strange. She's being cold. She's being distant. She's not really respecting me. I'm being criticized about really small things consistently. She never seems to be happy or nice to me. In your own house, you're walking around eggshells, dudes. Then they pull up the rug. They pull the rug out from guys. The guy goes flying up in the air like legs out from under him, lands on the back of his neck on the hardwood floor. Bang. He should have seen it coming, but he didn't. And we never do. And you go through a crisis of not just somebody who you trusted, somebody that you were being committed to, you married them, you made a vow, you made an oath. Someone who's being treacherous and just discarded you like tissue paper or less than less than dog [ __ ] and then you work out everything I've been told in my life is a complete and utter lie. It's a lie. You've been lied to. No one tells you that women are abs once a woman is wip you know once they've wiped you off mentally there's no coming back from it. They're going to treat you less than [ __ ] They're going to put you through divorce. They're going to put you through the most stressful, most challenging uh times of adversity you're ever going to have. People say, "Oh, gee, man. You're blowing that out of proportion. Go and get divorced, scraped, come and see me after it." All right. What happens to a lot of guys? They've had that woman, the love of their life. You know, it's not a perfect romance story, but it's a woman, you married her, you've done the right thing. Or so you thought. And you've been discarded because they weren't happy or there's other external influences like friends getting in their ear and all this sort of stuff. Whatever it is, they've they've gone and blown up a lifetime commitment for no reason. There's no reason to do it apart from emotions. Have you guys experienced that then the subsequent um financial you'll see them like vultures pecking over your dead corpse while you're still you're almost dead. Let's say that you're lying there. You're emaciated and you got this vulture with your wife's head on it and picking at you taking every last morsel off your corpse. That's what it's like going through a divorce scraping. That's what it's like. And what are the outcomes of that? An existential crisis. Some guys don't come back from it. Then there's the mental health issues about being zeroed out, being being betrayed, but also being uh set back so far in life. Like you got guys in their 35, 45, 50, get put in some really tough financial dire straits. They have to go back and live with their parents. Uh they have to go and maybe couch surf and do all that sort of thing. They don't have enough money to make ends meet. They've gone from a previously comfortable existence. They were ticking along. Life was fine. You might not have been rich, but you had a roof over your head and you had security. You knew you could pay the bills and uh you could eat. And you go from having some money and an asset to having nothing, paying out somebody who's just decided to pull the lever on you. Go and experience that, then come back and tell me that it's it's overexaggerated. Go and tell me that.
So, the point I'm getting to here, right, there's a bit of a long-winded rant and I'm, as I said, I'm charged up today. It's going to be on. Why? Why after going through that, why would you think it's a good idea to risk that again? People like to gamble. It's gambling. We got another what this is what a second marriage is. They say roughly 65% end in mar in not end in marriage end in divorce. You're going through it again. And I dare say your second divorce great. You're not coming back from that. So you've had a 100 cut in 50 then you get 50 cut into 25. Best case scenario by the way 50/50. Unless the woman's got money then you're laughing. So why then if you have built yourself back up, you've gotten yourself financially secure again, would you let some leech? Because the majority of the women out there at these older ages, I'm not going to say 40s is old, but you know, we're getting on a bit. The 40s, your 50s, your 60s, women who are complete leeches who have done nothing. All they've done their whole life is jump from man to man. They've consumed resources. They've wasted resources their whole life. They've got nothing. Why would you think it is a good idea to bring one into your life? Why? Because there isn't. It isn't a good idea. Now, there are women out there who have their own money. If you can get one of those, I would bloody get one of them. I know it's harder said than done because there's not a lot of them that have an equal amount of of money than what men do, but they're out there. Why do I say that? I'm not saying there's any less chance you're going to break up. you're gonna there's a less chance you're going to get absolutely rubbed out, absolutely wiped out. And I hate seeing that. I hate seeing guys go through that. It is gut-wrenching. I read some of you guys comments who are having a rough time. And I hate seeing that. I really do because it's just a relationship breakup. It's your life being blown up into bits and it is a long process coming back from it. I went through that. I went through the system. I didn't lose as much money as what a lot of other guys do. I was relatively uh I got a flesh wound. I will say a pretty a nasty flesh wound. I didn't get, you know, zeroed out. Why? Because she had some money. She could earn a decent amount of money. Her superannuation/pension was more or less aligned to mine. Did she have cash? No. But she had earning capacity. She and the superannuation that saved me a lot of money. So, yes, I copped it, but not as bad as like the Larry's of the world. Not as bad as some of you guys out there who are probably in it right now. And I feel for you. People think it's about the relationship blowing up. Yeah, maybe at the start it is. You're completely shell-shocked. You're lying in bed at night. Your stomach's twisting. You're wondering what she's doing. Is she out dating? Is she on dating apps? Is she getting plowed out? While you're lying there in bed, you can't even eat. You don't even know where your life's going to go. You feel sick 24/7, but then that fades and then you're fighting for your life. And I know it sounds extreme, but you are. You're going through the court system. You don't know where you don't know where things are going to land. So, I'm going to play this video again. I know it was a good rant, but guys, I just can't understand why you do it. That's it. I just get shocked the guys get married again, especially the women. The only time I could endorse it is if the woman had far more money than the man. And in there you go. You're not at risk of getting zeroed out again. You might actually get some money if you want to go for someone. But that's the only time I can do it. And people say, "Love isn't about money, Gman. Love transcends all. Love conquers all." No, it doesn't. Love is really a temporary feeling. There's long-term respect for somebody so you don't do these things to them. I don't know. Maybe that's my definition of love. Love isn't this fairy tale [ __ ] that you do at the start of relationships, man. That's lust. That's lirance. Anyway, guys, before I keep ranting, uh, sub to the channel if you're liking my rants. This is a bit of a rant today. It's probably not even really commentary. I'm just going off. If you like my rants, yeah, sub to the channel, like, comment, share. Once again, if you want to check out um some of my more exclusive content, uh it's archived content that was previously on YouTube, no longer available anywhere else, it's on the Locals page. It's a couple of bucks a month, few bucks a month, supports me, and the first month is free. If you use the link in the video description and pin comment, and if you don't want to proceed past the first month, just cancel it a couple of days before that month ends and you you've already been able to see some content for free. So, go and check it out. It's a really negative perspective. And I know a lot of you guys actually don't like um independent women to some extent, but he's older, right? And in his generation, I think that's something that he really wanted. Someone who has their own background, whatever it is, and it's because he's trying to protect. He has a lot of stuff, a lot of properties, and it's something that he wants to protect. And his properties go, you know, throughout the United States. And so that is a huge loss. And so he would only want that for that case. But he has mentioned he never wants to get married again. And some men are like that. And that's okay. But research.
And and that's okay. Like it's a negative. What do you mean? It's bloody self-preservation. Why would you if you bloody had a massive property portfolio? Say goodbye to that. God, they set me off these women. They they just live in feelings and love and data and all this. It's they just don't get it. They just don't get it. I would love to see uh a woman uh who's been through what a man goes through talk about love and marriage. I I would love to see it. I really would love to see it because I probably I think it'll be probably pretty based. As I said, I've only known one woman, one who has been self-made. So, she's been a real grinder, really good bird, like a really good chick. She was grinded. She worked jobs. She bought I know entry-level property and then she bought another property. You know, she became a but a bit of a a property mogul. Um she's worked really hard in her career as well. You know, she's really wanted to progress, done all the things that guys do. Nothing special, but most women don't do it like that. So, she married some guy who was basically the woman, the women I'm telling you guys to avoid, but he was the male version, you know, he's [ __ ] deadbeat, but I think she wanted a baby and all this sort of [ __ ] and uh she screwed herself over meeting a guy and getting married pretty quick and knocking out a baby because they're getting divorced now. Now, admittedly, she's left him as you would probably expect. Well, you know, most women are going to leave the guy. That's just the way the stats work. But, uh, yeah, he's going her in court. He she's had to sell a couple of houses already. You know, he wants massive payout. Like, he's not a happy man. So, he's going her in court. So, um, that's the only woman I've ever ever known to experience, uh, what many men go through every single day. So, that's why they live in this fantasy world where they'll say, "Oh, men are just all about money. Love is more." You wait, as I said, go and experience it. You'll look at women completely different from then on.
Does suggest that yes, marriage can be beneficial for many men. This doesn't mean all men. I'm not saying you guys should get married. I'm just saying there is some benefit and of course it depends on the marriage. If the marriage is unhealthy and you guys are in abusive relationships, manipulative relationships, whatever, obviously that's not beneficial. But we will still break that up together. And it's important to understand the limitations of research as well, which I'll talk about because every research has limitations, which um typically depending on where you're publishing has an area where we can write that limitation. So, and a lot of times it won't be published unless it has that. But anyways, the first one is longevity and mortality that comparison. Okay, married men, excuse me, do live longer than unmarried men. So, this is studies from the United States, one is from Europe, and then one is uh Asia. I'm just looking at my notes that I take um so that I can remember all the points. And it all of the research does consistently show that men in long-term relationships have actually a 10 to 20% lower risk of death than single men. In my opinion, that's quite high. And what we can see is that these married men are likely to visit the doctor. Um spouses, both individuals, they monitor each other a little bit more. So, if your wife is sick, you might, you know, let's say she's not getting out of bed and she typically is up in the morning exercising, cleaning, taking care of the kids, whatever, and right now she's tired. You're going to think, "Okay, is my wife sick? Is there something wrong?" And then she's going to do the same with you. And so this you guys monitor those things. And then reduce risky behavior. Married men tend to drink less. They tend to smoke less. Reckless driving. And often we can see.
Generally, so yeah, I guess that's a I guess you could call that a benefit. Why do guys smoke and drink less if they're married? Because generally the wives will um harass them about their health. Uh, they will say, you know, get the guy they'll force the guy to go to the doctor more. You know, women run down the doctor for the smallest of things. So they'll generally say they so the guy, yeah, I can probably agree with that. Um, they will Yeah, they'll say, "I don't want you drinking. I don't want you smoking." All that sort of stuff. So guys, they quit because the woman wants them to quit. So yeah, I guess it's a health benefit. H I'm trying to think of I'm trying to think of a benefit really because what what what what what is marriage? I'll tell you what a marriage is from my perspective. It's two people who aren't into this fairy tale [ __ ] who have got each other's back. Right? You got each other's back. When [ __ ] goes pear-shaped for one person, the other person, you know, helps them out. Male or female. Now, many men, they help out the woman. But when but when that woman's up and she's flying and he's down, they a lot of them will just they'll want to get rid of him. They want to trade out. To me, it's about the marriages aren't fun. Long-term relations aren't fun all the time. You have some really good times, but there are times where you just don't [ __ ] like each other. You have enough of each other. You've been around each other too much, but you still stick it out because you got mutual respect and you care about that person. I I just can't fathom how women what they do to men in divorce. It is the most disgusting behavior. Someone that you thought you had a bond like that with will just do the most treacherous [ __ ] stealing money from bank accounts, being over entitled when it comes to demands in uh divorce, you know, the the division of property. um taking children away, poisoning children, taking pets, you know, dogs and cats, withholding that absolutely nasty, disgusting, despicable, putrid, subhuman behavior. Cruel. Cruel is the word. Cruelty.
That um this is interesting because there's a curious concept that was listed in some of the marriage like I'm sorry some of the limitations and we'll talk about a little bit more detail but is it that these men who are like this have a higher likelihood of getting married or do do they become this when they get married? I think it's both. I think it's a combination but one thing that I found was very interesting is some men are motivated to take care of themselves more so they can be there for their wife and their kids. And that's more common for men, right? Because a lot of men see themselves as protectors and providers, which is healthy, I think. And I think that's a great way to look at yourself if that's what you want to do and you want.
If you want to be a self um sacrificial lamb. Uh, I think the whole provider model, I think I can understand it. I mean, it gives men a lot of purpose. Uh, you got a family that gives you why you getting up out of bed every morning to go to work or why are you striving and to maybe build a business and build wealth or do other things like what's the motivation? I can get it. I can get it but it doesn't pay off for a lot of men. I'm not saying don't do it but for me I've just seen over the years I've never really been a real provider even I was married not really. No I wasn't like showering her with money and [ __ ] like that. I had money that's why she liked me. I think I had more money than her and I was able to buy a nice house and all that sort of stuff, but I wasn't taking her to all these trips and doing things like and dinners and [ __ ] I wasn't doing all that. So, I never really understood why men shower women with gifts and over the top treatment and you just sort of you're building a rod for your own back because once you set a standard, you just they're not going to go down on the standard. The standard always goes up. But I can understand obviously men how you have children. Um, like Larry was telling me the other night um he's got two kids. He told me he'll die for his kids. He would even think about it. You know there his purpose like he that's what got him through everything. So I I really understand that. But providing for a woman like a for me it does not something that comes natural. If it was for kids if I had children sure I'd probably be the same as Larry. Comes for women. What do you mean women? Women make have the opportunities to make more money than men now. Why am I providing for someone who could earn more money than me? It makes no sense.
Want to be there for the people that love you and rely on you? And so that's part of it. The next one is cardiovascular health. Married men have lower rates of heart disease and stroke. And we can see that because a lot of this um can come from stress as well. And there's a really like there's a very comprehensive study actually that shows men who are single, divorced or widowed have unfortunately significantly higher cardiovascular mortality. Right.
Okay. Hang on. Hang on. So divorced or widowed. You've been through the you've been through it especially divorced. Of course you're hitting the bottle. You're probably doing all these things. Have a think about that. So what's what's the symptom of divorce? Marriage, right? He shoots the argument in the foot. Yeah, of course you got extremely bad health. You've been incredibly stressed. You probably taken years off your life with the stress. I dare say when I went through that I dare say I probably took years off my life through through chronic stress.
Um, and reduction of stress is part of that. Being married reduces stress. Health is mental health and emotional support. What?
Um, we can see that married men um they do report.
Nah, they buy that [ __ ] I was I was I've seen guys absolutely stressed out their brains from She said healthy marriages. How many there are them are there really? Come on. Guys absolutely stressed out. Stressed out of their mind because they've got women who are always wanting things from them. Always wanting a a quality of life upgrade. A new house. The house gets remodeled. New cars every couple of years leased and you know rinse and repeat clothes redecorate the house. You had you bought new furniture 3 years ago. Well, she doesn't like that furniture setup now. She wants to get a designer in and she wants to get it all done. She wants to change the feel and the energy of the house. Yeah, no worries. Blowing your hard-earned. You're working and you're basically in quicksand. It's incredibly stressful. Now, some guys, as I said, they don't have that. They got women who are good with money. You're good with money. You're [ __ ] killing it, mate. If if that's you, I don't want you to think that's normal. You are you're doing well. So, if that's what you got and it's going well, don't don't think that everyone else has it.
Lower depression, anxiety, but they also are viewed based on observation to have less of those symptoms. And we can see that individuals who are more depressed or anxious or have real like very negative hostile thoughts, a lot of them are single and some of them are even chronically single and I made a video on that and there is a connection to it. And then so there's a couple, you know, data points and collection of data. Surveys is one of them. Usually with surveys, you want to collect not just surveys but observations, etc. But there was a survey that men actually did report that they're happier being married than when they were not married. They admit that they're less lonely.
What? Okay. I want I want to do a survey of men who were uh in in the standard marriage that we talk about, none of this fairy tale [ __ ] who are now divorced and recovered and they have all their time, their monies, theirs, you know, I guess bar alimony or child support if you're on the hook for that. I love waking up every day knowing that the day is my own. Say for a Saturday or a Sunday, I wake I got a clean slate. I got I don't have a pre-organized schedule. I don't have my life packed to the brim of [ __ ] I don't want to do. I don't have uh somebody else's happiness to be responsible for and somebody else's problems uh to solve. It's great. I I couldn't be happier. Probably the happiest I've been in my entire life. Absolutely happiest I've been in my entire life.
They feel like um their depression has either decreased, suppressed, whatever it is if they had depression before and then in general they report more positivity in their outlook, right? And so a lot of men even without these surveys, you can see that they're more positive. They have a more higher outlook of life. They perceive that people are have good intentions because they get it from their family, their wife, their interactions. And a lot of them also get more emotional support from their wife, from their kids, from their wives' friends, from their wives friends, husbands. And so the connection continues to build. And daily companionship based on research reduces isolation as long um and that's a strong buffer against depression or reduction of depression symptoms. Emotional support during life stress is very fundamental particularly for men. Job loss, illness, grief, and marriages tend to create a safe space for them. Healthy marriages. The next one is positive.
Who's writing this? Is women writing this or what? Like, as I said, a lot of guys are not having a good run. A lot of guys are being nagged, harassed, uh, [ __ ] brow beaten, henpecked in their relationships and or marriages. They're making out like it's this blissful thing. Once again, society lies to men. I'm not saying men are perfect. I know men have their own challenges in marriages and stuff like that. But men are bloody lied to. Society lies to us. Yeah. No, you're going to be happier when you're married. You're going to be less stressed when you're married. You're going to be financially better off. You're going to live longer. Really? How many guys off themselves every year going through horrible divorces? How many guys are living their life at the bottom drinking drinking a [ __ ] out of a bottle every day medicating himself because of the absolute trauma they've been through and had their life wrecked by some woman that they loved. I tell you about that. They make fun of those guys. Ah, he's a burnt out guy sitting down the end of the bar. He was young once. He was stupid once. Anyway, I don't think I want to watch any more of this [ __ ] Thanks for watching my video today, gentlemen. Um, hope you enjoyed it. Hope you got something out of it. Had a bit of a laugh, but hopefully most of all resonated with you. I know a lot of you guys out there um who do watch are having a rough time and you're going through various stages uh of the separation process. You might be right day one, day two, you found my videos. You might be two months out. You might be six months out. You might be just be out of a long time and you want your daily conversation. But for those of you that are in the the trenches, so to speak, you're in the you're right in the storm. It does get better. It does get better because I did make a comment before about men offering themselves. I can understand why men do it because it is a very stressful time and there's a lot on the line and maybe if you had predisposed maybe mental health issues those are going to get multiplied in the process but nothing's ever worth doing that in my opinion. I think the one thing I will say is you might think it's never going to end. Uh, you're never going to get out of this storm. You feel like every day is painful. Every day is stressful. You can't really cope. It's too much. You're overwhelmed with everything that's happening, all the change and all the legal stuff and all of that. It it it eventually ends. I'm not going to say it's going to be easy, but it ends and you get on with your life. What I'm trying to say here, that's why I was ranting at the start of this video, gentlemen, about going through that. It's not talked about just how bad is it. People talk about uh the how how often it happens with the statistics, but they don't talk about in detail the impact it has the longer term sorry the longer term impact it has. So, gentlemen, when you do come out the other side, if if if you guys have stayed on, you're listening to me rant and sort of babble here to get my thoughts out, guys who have gotten through it, put it in the comments, you know, let guys know what the other side is like. You you're out of that bad experience. How's your life improved? How long did it take you? Like, let the guys know. Uh, for me it was probably three or four years before the anger uh the anger probably left or got through the bargaining phase really. I'd say honestly anger's anger is one of the phases. I would say three to four years before I reverted back to the man that I was before I got married. But during that time, uh, you definitely second guess yourself and you feel like you're not yourself anymore. Anyway, gents, thank you for watching this video and I will end it for real this time. Cheers.