Transcription
What is interpersonal communication? Interpersonal communication is the process by which we exchange information, feelings, and meaning with other people.
Interpersonal communication deals with the verbal content of what we are saying, as well as the nonverbal messages we are sending through our tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and body language. Interpersonal communication occurs in many different types of settings and interactions, from more formal conversations in the workplace to informal chatting with friends and family members. Interpersonal communication can occur in small group discussions as well as one-on-one conversations.
You may have already taken a public speaking class, so how is interpersonal communication different? With public speaking, there is only one person speaking, and that person's message is not shaped or altered by the audience's feedback. Also, the skill set needed for effective public speaking—things like confidence, clear speaking, and organization—are not the same skill sets needed for effective interpersonal communication. Instead, interpersonal communication builds on skills like active listening, empathy, and the ability to engage in a dialogue.
How can strong interpersonal communication skills benefit you? Interpersonal communication plays a crucial role in building and maintaining personal and professional relationships by allowing individuals to express their needs, share ideas, and connect with others on an emotional level. Effective interpersonal communication involves active listening, empathy, strong non-verbal communication, and leadership skills, negotiation, conflict management, and an understanding of the social and cultural contexts in which the communication occurs.
Let's look at how interpersonal communication can help you to be better at conflict resolution. Conflict resolution, or problem-solving, is being able to resolve disagreements and misunderstandings in a respectful way. People with poor conflict management skills are often only able to see their own point of view and tend to discredit the way that other people think and perceive the world. Individuals with poor conflict management skills may often speak harshly to and about others, which can negatively affect their personal and professional relationships.
Some of the many key concepts that you will learn about in interpersonal communication that will improve your conflict management skills are consensus building, "I" statements, paraphrasing, and nonverbal communication.
Consensus building means looking for common ground amongst opposing viewpoints. Often, when people initially state their ideas or wants, they focus in on a very particular concern or idea and leave out other details that are not currently at the top of their mind. When two people state two seemingly different ideas or wants, it can seem like there's no way to please both of them. Consensus building involves taking a step back from our immediate wants and needs and focusing on what larger elements or values are shared amongst the opposing parties. This requires patience, an open mind, lack of defensiveness, and an ability to hold space for other people. Once common ground is established, it's much easier to find a solution that is acceptable to both parties.
"I" statements are also helpful in conflict resolution. "I" statements are best understood in relation to "you" statements. Let's start with an example of a "you" statement and show its negative effects. Let's imagine Craig is in a leadership position at work, and he says the following to his subordinate employee, Jenny: "You never contribute in our team meetings. It's obvious you're not really interested in your job." There are several negative effects of "you" statements like the one you just heard. First, the word "you" is powerfully charged. It can easily invoke a listener's defensiveness because it can easily come off as accusatory. When people feel accused, their natural response is to defend themselves. This defensiveness can shut down the consensus building we just discussed and hinder any potential resolution or compromise. Second, "you" statements tend to target the person rather than their specific behavior. This can lead to false generalizations like "always" and "never," as well as criticisms on a person's character or personality. We all make mistakes sometimes, even more than once, but that is different than having a character or personality flaw. Overall, "you" statements can too easily escalate conflict by reducing empathy on both parties' ends. Because of their accusatory nature, "you" statements can escalate a disagreement into a full-blown argument, as they can lead to a cycle of accusation and defense rather than a focus on resolution through consensus building.
Paraphrasing. Have you ever had an emotionally charged conversation with someone where it seems like the concerns you voiced to them went in one ear and out the other? Paraphrasing is an interpersonal technique that can limit the possibility of your conversation partner from feeling unheard. Paraphrasing is a display of active listening where you rephrase or restate back to your conversation partner what they have just said to you, but in your own words. The best way to understand paraphrasing is through an example. Deina is a customer service representative who works at a call center for a meal service company. She spends most of her day on the phone listening to customers complain. Often, these customers are frustrated with the company or the company's product, and they tend to take their frustrations out on Deina by speaking harshly and aggressively to her. She receives a call from a customer who has canceled their meal service but is still getting charged by the company. To make matters worse, this is not the first time this customer has had to call in an attempt to fix this issue. The customer reports to Deina that as a result of these charges and the company's error, they have overdrafted their bank account and incurred fees from their bank. Deina can tell by the customer's tone of voice that they are highly frustrated, so she uses the paraphrasing technique to limit any further issues. Deina says, "I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you, and I can certainly understand your frustration. I want to make sure I fully understand what is going on here. You have canceled your membership with our company more than once now, but you continue to be charged for the service. You are losing money and losing time because of our company's error. Is that right?"
Paraphrasing serves several important purposes. One, it demonstrates active listening. Paraphrasing is a key component of active listening, showing that you are not just hearing the words but actively processing the content of their message. Two, paraphrasing can encourage further disclosure. When someone feels heard and understood, they are more inclined to open up and share more information. Additionally, paraphrasing can deepen a conversation and strengthen the connection between communicators because when a person feels heard and understood, their levels of anger or frustration are likely to reduce. With fewer negative emotions, both parties are more likely to come to a solution quickly.
Nonverbal communication. In addition to paraphrasing, having a strong grasp of non-verbal communication can help you to become better at conflict resolution. Non-verbal communication includes body language, facial expressions, and your tone of voice. Sometimes, a person wishes to convey a message or feeling through their spoken words, but their non-verbal communication is not in alignment with their spoken word. For example, let's assume Michael is getting feedback from his more advanced colleague on how to improve at his job. Michael knows it's best to appear open to constructive feedback, especially from someone who has been on the job longer than him. However, while Michael's colleague is delivering this feedback, Michael has his arms crossed over his chest, he is looking down at the floor, and his tone of voice is clipped. Despite Michael telling his colleague, "Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it and will work on improving in these areas," it is clear from Michael's body language that he is defensive, potentially embarrassed, and does not actually appreciate his colleague's feedback. When we send mixed messages with our spoken word and our non-verbal communication, we can come off as disingenuous or untrustworthy to others. This can cause conflict or make a conflict worse. With a strong grasp of what different non-verbals communicate to our audiences, we become better at aligning the message of our spoken word with our body language and tone of voice.
So now you understand how consensus building, "I" statements, paraphrasing, and non-verbal communication skills can help to improve conflict management. Next, let's learn how your relationships with colleagues, friends, family, and romantic partners can benefit from your having stronger interpersonal skills.
Let's look at how interpersonal communication can help you to have stronger personal relationships with your friends, your family, your colleagues, or your romantic partners. Some of the many key concepts that you will learn about in interpersonal communication that will improve your personal and professional relationships are emotional intelligence, self-disclosure, perception, and cultural awareness.
Emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence means being able to recognize, interpret, and manage your emotions, as well as being able to recognize and influence the emotions of others. Being able to understand and manage your emotions effectively allows you to express your feelings clearly and with consideration for how that expression of emotion might affect others. People with poor emotional intelligence are similar to small children in that they can have uncontrolled and socially inappropriate emotional outbursts with no recognition of how the people around them might be feeling or how those people might react to their outbursts.
Let's look at an example of a person with limited emotional intelligence, Alex, and how it affects his relationship with his friend Jordan. Alex often struggles to recognize and understand his own emotions, and as a result, he finds it challenging to empathize with his friend Jordan. When Jordan shares problems or expresses feelings, Alex might respond inappropriately, either by dismissing these feelings or offering solutions without truly understanding the emotional context. Alex's lack of emotional awareness can make him seem insensitive or detached in social situations. Alex might misread social cues or body language. He might joke during a serious conversation, not picking up on the cues that it's a moment for sympathy or support. His inability to regulate his emotions effectively can also lead to inappropriate reactions, like getting disproportionately angry over minor issues or not showing appropriate joy or excitement at his friend's achievements. Alex's challenges with emotional intelligence can strain the friendship, as Jordan might feel misunderstood, unsupported, or even disrespected. This situation can lead to conflict or a weakening of the bond between them, as emotional intelligence is crucial for maintaining healthy, empathetic, and supportive interpersonal relationships. By improving our emotional intelligence in an interpersonal communication course, we can learn to recognize and manage our own emotions, as well as those of the people around us, leading to greater empathy and stronger relationships.
In addition to having high levels of emotional intelligence, understanding what is appropriate and inappropriate self-disclosure is useful in building and strengthening your personal and professional relationships.
Self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the act of sharing personal information about yourself with others. In a relationship, self-disclosure is needed to deepen connections and build trust. However, in the introductory stages of a relationship, whether personal or professional, it's important to be able to gauge an appropriate level of self-disclosure. Sharing too much too soon can be overwhelming or off-putting to others.
Let's take a look at an inappropriate self-disclosure in the introductory stages of a potential friendship or romantic relationship. Imagine you've just met someone at a social gathering, and you're having your first conversation. Two minutes into the conversation, this person tells you, "I've been really struggling lately. I just ended a toxic five-year relationship, I'm in a financial crisis, and I'm seeing a therapist twice a week for my anxiety and trust issues. It's been really tough to cope with everything." While honesty is valuable, this level of personal detail is intense for a first meeting, especially in an atmosphere that is supposed to be upbeat and light-hearted. It places a heavy emotional burden on the other person, who is essentially a stranger and might not be prepared or comfortable handling such information.
In contrast, appropriate self-disclosure would involve sharing more general, less intimate details about one's life, such as their interests, general thoughts, or light personal experiences, and gradually deepening the level of disclosure as the relationship develops over time and as mutual trust is established.
In addition to negatively impacting your personal relationships, inappropriate self-disclosure can also affect your professional relationships. Imagine you're in a job interview for a position you're eager to land. When asked about your previous job, you tell the interviewer, "I absolutely hated my last boss. He was so clueless and unfair. The workplace was toxic, everyone was gossiping all the time. I couldn't stand going to work every day." This level of personal grievance and negative emotion and commentary about your previous employer can be seen as unprofessional. It raises red flags for the interviewer about your discretion, attitude, and ability to handle workplace challenges constructively. In a job interview, it's better to focus on positive experiences, learning opportunities, and professional growth. If discussing challenges, frame them in a way that highlights your problem-solving skills and professionalism rather than focusing on personal feelings or conflict. People with strong interpersonal skills are able to better judge what is and is not an appropriate self-disclosure given the depth of a relationship and the social context.
Another important interpersonal concept that will increase your empathy and understanding of your relationships is perception.
Perception. People with poor interpersonal skills tend to see their world and their interactions as black and white. These people likely don't give much thought to perception and how it can vary greatly from person to person based on physiology, environment, personal values, and life experiences.
Let's look at two colleagues, John and Maya. During a team meeting at work, a heated debate takes place over the direction of a project. Voices are raised, and strong opinions are expressed. Maya values harmony and team cohesion and is particularly sensitive to conflicts. Therefore, for most of her attention is drawn to the raised voices and the emotional tension in the room. She notices John's raised voice and aggressive hand gestures more than the content of the argument. For Maya, the most significant aspect of the situation is the conflict itself, leading her to perceive the meeting as confrontational and unproductive. John, on the other hand, values assertiveness and clear expression of ideas. His attention then gravitates towards the content of the debate rather than the tone. He focuses on John's strong arguments and logical reasoning, perceiving the debate as a vigorous but healthy exchange of ideas. John sees this as a productive discussion that helps in clarifying project issues. Due to differences in perception, Maya and John come away with contrasting views of the same event. Maya might report that the meeting was tense and unproductive due to the conflict, whereas John might describe it as an effective session that helped in resolving key project issues. Despite very different perceptions of the same event, neither Maya nor John is right or wrong. A person who understands the perception process will likely be more flexible in how they respond to perceptions that are different than their own, leading to greater empathy, understanding, and problem-solving skills.
Testimony. Let's hear what some former students had to say about the value of taking an interpersonal communication class.
"Oh wow, where do I even start? Taking this interpersonal communication class has been a total game-changer for me. Before this class, I kind of just chatted with people without giving it much thought, you know? But now I see conversations in a whole new light. First off, the class totally opened my eyes to the importance of active listening. I used to think I was a good listener, but I realized I was often just waiting for my turn to speak. Now I genuinely focus on what the other person is saying, and it's made my conversations so much more meaningful. We also learned about nonverbal communication, and that's been super interesting. I never realized how much we say without actually saying anything. Now I'm way more aware of my body language and the signals I'm sending, and I can read others better too, which helps a lot in understanding where they're coming from. A big takeaway for me, a big thing for me, was learning about communication styles and how they differ from person to person. It's made me more patient and understanding, especially in group projects. I used to get frustrated when someone didn't communicate the way I do, but now I get that we all have our unique styles, and that's totally okay. It helped to build my confidence too. This course has given me the tools to express myself more clearly and effectively, whether it's in class discussions, chatting with friends, or even handling tricky situations. I feel much more equipped and confident in my ability to communicate. And honestly, this class has not just made me a better communicator, but I feel like it's made me a better friend, a better student, and a better team member. It's one of those classes that doesn't just stay in the classroom, you know? The skills I've learned are things I'll carry with me and use pretty much every day."
"The class taught me a lot about conflict resolution, which has helped me with my girlfriend. Let's be real, every couple has their disagreements, but now I feel like I've got the tools to handle them better. Instead of just arguing to win, I've learned to communicate to understand and find a middle ground. It's made a huge difference in how we deal with issues. I feel that the course is that the course has made me more empathetic. Understanding how different people communicate and perceive things has made me more patient and considerate in my relationship. I'm more mindful about how I express myself and more understanding of my girlfriend's communication style. Overall, this class hasn't just made me a better communicator; it's made me a more culturally aware and sensitive person. I feel like I can connect with people from different cultures more effectively and respectfully now, and that's a skill that's going to be so valuable in our world."
"This course has really boosted my professional life. I've learned strategies to handle disagreements or misunderstandings without things getting heated. It's made me someone who can help de-escalate situations, which is a pretty valuable skill to have in a professional environment. Then there's the whole team communication aspect. Group projects used to be a bit of a nightmare for me, but now I'm way better at understanding different communication styles and adapting to them. I've become the person who can smooth out misunderstandings and help everyone get on the same page, which has really upped my value in team settings."
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