Transcription
Today we're going to talk about the five phrases that typically shut down predators immediately. Here's a scenario. A woman finishes shopping. She walks out to her car in a parking lot just like this one. As she's loading packages into her trunk, a man approaches and says, "Excuse me, can you help me with something?" Seems harmless enough, right?
What a lot of people don't realize is that criminals often start with something exactly like this, a small interaction. They're asking you these questions, these short questions to test you and feel you out. They're trying to see number one, are you situationally aware? Do you know what's going on around you? Will you cooperate? Are you confident? So, if you're on your phone, if if you're avoiding eye contact, if you're kind of unsure, they're evaluating or testing the risk associated with continuing their attack.
We're doing this inside a vehicle today, folks, because it's a little windy outside. It's a little distracting with the audio, but this is a typical shopping center parking lot.
Phrase number one, I can't help but security can. You're pointing them towards authority. Here's a scenario. You're walking to your car. Someone approaches you, "Excuse me, my phone died. Excuse me, can you help me with directions? I'm lost." So, you're shutting that down. You're saying, "I can't help you, but they can." You're pointing them to authority. Now, a predator does not want to interact with authority. They want to avoid authority. If someone legitimately needs help, they're going to go to security or go inside the store and ask for help. and keep moving because you stop and that's going to continue the conversation.
Phrase number two, stop. Do not come any closer. Notice something about this phrase. It's not a question, it's a statement. A lot of people say, "Would you mind giving me some space? Could you step back?" Those are questions. What do questions do? They It's a negotiation. You're asking a question. Hey, what about this? and they have the ability to say yes, no, or counter with how about this. Your personal boundaries should be statements, not questions. So, your statement of stop, do not come any closer, is short, clear, and direct. Most people are surprised the first time they hear themselves say this out loud or something like this. But remember from the previous video we did, your goal is not to be polite. Your goal is to stay safe.
Phrase number three, I don't carry cash. Take care or have a good day. Here's the scenario. You're walking to your car. Somebody approaches you. Can you help me with a few dollars? My car ran out of gas. I just need a couple dollars for gas. My dog needs an operation. Whatever it might be. Most people don't carry cash nowadays anyway. So, even if you have cash, it's feasible to say you don't have cash. Your response is simple. I don't carry cash. Take care and keep walking. Stopping creates that you're saying it's okay to talk to me. It's okay to interact with me. I'm going to give you that opportunity and they continue. And if you do stop, that story absolutely will get longer.
Phrase number four, I'm meeting someone right here. So, here's the scenario. You're walking to an elevator. You're walking into a lobby. You're at a bar. Wherever you might be, someone's lingering. They're watching you. They might even approach you and try to talk to you. Hey, do you live here? Did you just move in? So, they're going to try to interact with you in this scenario. It's okay to lie to stay safe, right? If I'm a predator, I want three things. I want you to be isolated. I want some privacy. And I want time. When you tell them you're waiting for someone or someone's on the way, now that removes all three because now you're no longer going to be alone. I'm no longer going to have privacy and I'm no longer going to have time. You can say something like, "My husband's right behind me." or my friend is parking the car. My coworker's going to be here any minute. You can even pick up your phone and pretend to say something like, "Where are you cuz I'm here?" "Oh, you're right around the corner." Make it seem like someone's just about to meet you. Now, you're not someone who's alone or isolated. You're someone who's expected somewhere or you're expecting someone.
Phrase number five, back up. You're making me uncomfortable. In this scenario, somebody's approaching you. Maybe they've already approached you. They're breaching that personal space and they're trying to get you to do something. Whether it's give them money or they just want to talk to you, they want to find out information. Whatever it might be, you're calling them out. And if there are witnesses around, even better. Predators rely on that social ambiguity. They want to blend. They want to seem like they're not doing anything wrong. I'm just walking on the sidewalk just like you are. I'm just walking to my car like you are. I just want to have a conversation. just want to, you know, meet new people. I'm not doing anything wrong. When you call them out with that kind of a statement and you tell them you're making me uncomfortable, you're letting them know there's no more ambiguity here. You are breaking social norms. And if there are witnesses around, even better. Someone will hear. And if the person continues and it escalates and you need help, hopefully the person or persons that hear will help you.
Before I go, I want to give you two bonus phrases.
Bonus phrase number one, I didn't ask for help. So, this scenario would be if you're changing a tire, if you're carrying packages, if you're doing something and someone comes up to you and approaches you and wants to help. This is also when predators use that force teaming. We talked about it in a prior video. Gavin Debecker's Gift of Fear book also mentions this, that force teaming where the predator wants you to believe that you're on the same team together. They use that we and us. They say things like, "Can you believe they charge us for parking here? Can you believe we rely on these phones so much that when the battery dies, we're lost?" When you're on the same team with somebody, it's almost more difficult for you to say no when they ask you for help or ask you for money or make you feel uncomfortable. It's harder or more difficult for you to extricate yourself from that situation because you're in it together. But they won't stop. I didn't ask for help.
Bonus phrase number two, why are you following me? Another one where you're calling out their behavior. Somebody won't leave you alone. Somebody's following you to the parking lot. Somebody's following you on a sidewalk, especially if there are witnesses around. You're letting them know there's no more ambiguity here. You are calling them out for their behavior. And if there are witnesses, all the better. Because most predators want their interactions to be quiet and unnoticed. You are calling them out for breaking social norms. It's no longer quiet and unnoticed.
I have to say folks that during my law enforcement career, I did see a pattern with these types of assaults or cases where a lot of attacks started off just like this with a small innocent appearing conversation. Most of the victims or potential victims avoided issues when they set boundaries early. So, let me just leave you with this. Most criminals, and I say most because there are exceptions to every rule, of course. Most criminals are not looking for the strongest person, they're looking for the easy target, the distracted, unsure, even polite person. So, knowing this, that that's what their goal is. Your goal should be to set a boundary early. And one final thing, think of it in terms of the goal is not necessarily to win a fight. The goal is to avoid escalation or avoid a situation if you can. So in self-defense and in defensive shooting, concealed carry, sometimes we say the best way to win a confrontation is to avoid it. Sometimes you can't avoid it. Sometimes there's no choice. You have to defend yourself. You have to act. You have to do something. A lot of times you can deescalate or stop something before it starts.
Don't forget to check out the playlist in the video description for more videos like this. And if you like this video, folks, please hit that like button. Consider subscribing if you're not a subscriber, and share it with other people who you think might benefit. As always, thanks for watching. Take care and stay safe.