Transcription
What is the right way to reconnect with my ex after a no contact? How can I do it? Because we were in no contact, we didn't talk for a while. How can I reach out to my ex again? How can I make sure that my ex is missing me after this period of no contact?
Hello guys and welcome to Love Advice TV. My name is Alex Camonte. I'm your love and relationship expert, and in this video, I want to talk about what to do after the no contact because I know that this is unclear for you. And I receive so many messages on Instagram telling me, "Alex, I have done the 21 days. Alex, I've done the 30 days no contact."
So first of all, let's talk about the length of the no contact because this is still unclear for a lot of people. We have seen from the newer science to case studies that it would take 21 to 30 days. 21 to 30 days for people or brain to implement something. So let's say that if we do it for 21 days or 30 days, it will become a habit, so it will be easier for us to do it. This is where we are right now. We are in the situation where it takes time to be able to get results. That's why we talk about 21 to 30 days. That's why I talk about the 21s to the 30 days. Sometimes Coach Edwin can say something different as well because it's based on every situation.
If you ask me, "Alex, what is the best way to reach out or the right way to reach out to my ex after the no contact?" There is not only one way. So I would show you the possibility and explain to you in which cases you should, you should, you should use, sorry, which one.
Situation Number One: We are doing a no contact because you have done a lot of mistakes. Because your ex doesn't want to talk to you. Maybe you cheated on your ex. Maybe you didn't give them attention. Maybe you take that you took them for granted. Maybe you disrespected them verbally. But this, but this is what I call the big mistakes, right? When you were really, really not investing the right way for your relationship. We will do no contact because we have to prove that we will not chase them for our own selfish ego where we want to get them, but just because we want to realize that we need time to change. Okay?
So situation number one, we need time to change. We have done mistakes. We do the no contact. The best way to reach out to your ex then is to use a letter. People don't like the letter usually because they think that it is old school. But the problem is you're missing the real point. If you do a letter, your ex will read it today, and there is very few little chances that they will come back. But they can also read it in two weeks, in one month, in two months, when they start to feel that you really have changed. When they start to feel that you're very much different. And what happened at this moment? This letter is finalizing the job. That's it.
So the right way to reconnect with your ex after a no contact when you have done a lot of mistakes, it is to do this letter. Not to get them back immediately. That would be that would be too obvious, right? That would be too much, too soon. We have to be clear on that, guys. It would be too easy if one letter could make your ex come back. It has, it has happened in the past, but I cannot tell you that this is what I see every day. Okay? But the letter will work in a couple of weeks. Remember that. It's like we plant the seed. We prove that we are changing. So we give the seed some water, and then it happens that your ex is finally twisting you back, twisting you again.
Situation Number Two: We didn't do no contact because we felt too needy. We felt that we were harassing our ex. We were talking too much. We were trying to make them open their eyes. They didn't. So when we were in this position, we didn't do something bad. We don't have to excuse ourselves. We don't have to prepare a letter. We have to accept the idea to restart from zero.
So the right way to reconnect with your ex after a no contact when you did it because you were too needy and you needed time and they needed time, will be to reconnect like nothing happened with a text message, with a voice audio, with a video, whatever. But it's like, "Oh, how you doing? It's been a while. I have to tell you this is what happened to me." In a high positive energy. Why? Because we tend to suppose that your ex decided of the breakup because you were a little bit too needy, too available. There is, there was not enough attraction and you know, some love and feelings and excitement. So showing that you have a personal life, showing that you're doing things for yourself will raise your value. It will raise your value. So your ex can see what they are losing. So that would be Situation Number Two. That would be the situation where you have done nothing wrong, but maybe just being so, so open and so scared and and that you have also a lot of fear and you're scared to lose them. This behavior that we can call also co-dependency is not what we want to attract your ex. So we will make sure that if you are in this position, you want to raise your value by talking about your life and being very much positive.
These are the two extreme. Extreme number one, I was doing very bad things, I need to do the letter. Extreme number two, I was too needy, too available. I was really chasing my ex. I was like obsessed about my ex. I need to show that I have a personal life. I will restart communicating like nothing happened, not the relationship, and not even the breakup in between.
We are doing a no contact because we didn't know really what to do. The ex was talking to us, but not completely. The video always said that they don't want to come back. In this case, you have to do the no contact to surprise your ex. You have to do the no contact to refocus on yourself. So usually during this no contact, you will have to change your profile pictures. You will have to do new activities. You will have to set professional goals. You have to implement a lot of things that will show to your ex that you're different. And in this case, what we want to do is to not reach out to your ex. We don't want to reach out to your ex because we want to make them come to you or be surprised by the situation.
If you tell me, "Alex, but it's been 30 days. I want you two more weeks." Two to three more weeks. We are trying to push it a little bit. In the meantime, I want you to be able to post online, to socialize with a lot of people, because we want to make your ex come to you. If they don't come, and you tell me, "What Alex, I've done nothing wrong. I was not that needy, but I didn't do mistakes in the relationship." It means that there is something a little bit deeper. And usually it's because they don't want to be in the relationship. It's because they are focused on themselves. Maybe they are busy with work. Maybe they have health issues. Maybe they are treating the relationship with their ex. They didn't get divorced. So the no contact is not working because the mind is somewhere else.
So what will they want? It will be a mix between communication, distance, meeting in person, distance. So I will just reconnect to them and I will tell them that it will be, you will be very happy to see you soon for something. Let's say, "Hey, I'm doing a nice dinner at home. You should come. It would be amazing. How have you been? It's been a long time." But we are proposing something. Why? Because it shows that in their mind, they are not able to do the step. They are not able to ask you out, and they will not do it, unfortunately, because they are too busy. Then we have to engage communication. We have to tell them that we would love to see them, and we go from there based on their response. We can adapt the plan.
Okay guys, so there is three ways to reach out to your ex. It could be the letter. It could be the real attraction. Or it could be something where you ask them to go out for something special or you ask them to do something. And the reason why it's because in their mind, they were so busy, so they will be happy to see you and to do something different.
Remember that if you want to receive all the videos, you just have to smash the like button, but also to subscribe because you can get all the notification. Remember as well to come on the website with myexagain.com. You have tons of articles and you can book a private coaching session on the coaching page. Private coaching means we are on the phone, you and me. I study your situation. I tell you what to do, and I can also follow you. So it's up to you to know if you want to put all of the chances on your side. Because if it's a no contact, we need to do it the right way. When we reconnect, if you do one mistake, you will start from zero, and that's not good. That's all I want for you. So I wish you very, very, very soon. Remember that you have some gifts in the description as well if you want to go further. Gifts that are here to show you that you can have some solution. So it's very specific content just allowed for you. And I will see you soon guys. Bye.