Transcription
Are you in court right now and you're feeling like maybe the court system is rigged against you? Maybe it just seems like they're constantly believing the other side and you just cannot catch a break. Then this video is for you because I'm going to go down and list for you the five things that totally piss off family court judges so that you can prevent yourself from doing them and not ruin your case.
Hey there. Before we get started, I'm Rebecca Zung. Make sure that you've subscribed and you've hit that little bell. Especially if you're facing high conflict situations, high conflict, divorce, or any kind of a battle with a narcissist on the other side. Because every single day I'm dropping tools here for you to help you outmaneuver manipulation, get airtight leverage and protect your future, which is the most important thing.
Let's talk about the thing that can break you or or make you. And that is what does the judge actually think of you? What does that family court judge think? A lot of people think that there's something out there called no no fault divorce, which is true, but they mistakenly believe that that means that fault never matters. Fault matters all the time in divorce. It just means that you don't have to prove fault in order to get a divorce. Years ago, you had to prove that there was abuse or adultery or abandonment, and that was the only way that you could actually get out of a marriage. Well, that's not the case anymore. You can just plead that it's irretrievably broken or irreconcilable differences or whatever and just go ahead and get the divorce. You don't have to prove why you get to have be a be divorced. But if people are wasting assets, dissipating assets, they're a terrible parent, they driving drunk with the kids in the car, they lie to the judge, they lie in court. All of those things are really fault issues and problematic to the extent that they will matter deeply in court.
But there are things that judges absolutely hate. And underneath those black robes, judges are humans. They are people, too. And they make decisions about who's credible and who's not and who they can rely on to be more of the stable one. They're looking for cues because when people come into court, obviously they're showing their best selves, right? They only get this little tiny slice in time, maybe an hour, maybe two, 3 hours, maybe it's a few days, but that would be the most that they get. If you've lived with this other person for years and years and years, they're not going to see everything that you see. But there are silent things that you can do that destroy your credibility and turn that judge against you without even you even realizing that it's happening. I have spent more than 20 years in the courtroom watching people win or lose because of these exact mistakes. So, I want to give you the five things that really piss off family court judges and how to avoid them so that you don't ruin your case.
All right, so let's dive in. The number one is showing up without evidence and o and only your emotion. Many people think mistakenly so if I could just get before the judge and just tell my story, then they're going to see how horrible the other person has been and how great I've been and they'll understand and and then things will go my way. So listen carefully. Judges do not make decisions based on who's more upset, who had more pain inflicted upon them, who's more passionate, who's more sad, dramatic. They make decisions on evidence, provable evidence. And evidence means that it passes the hearsay muster, all sorts of things. And it's actually accepted into the court by the court as evidence. And one of the biggest mistakes that people make, especially when dealing with a narcissist, is walking into court saying, "He lies, she manipulates, they're abusive, he's toxic, that person's a narcissist." And then have zero documentation. You don't have screenshots, timelines, patternedbased proof. And what I mean by that is show the number of times that they lied and then show proof of it. Well, they said this on one day, they said this on another day. here's the copies of the screenshots or or text messages or emails, your honor. Judges get frustrated because they're not mind readaders. And they can only rule upon what you've proven, not what you feel. So, if you want to be taken seriously, you've got to have timestamps, incident logs, written communication patterns, receipts, consistency, clarity. It's got to be really easy for them to very simply analyze what's happening, synthesize it all, and then that way they can make a sound decision that's based in the law. Right? Evidence with just emotion is not evidence. Okay? Emotion isn't evidence. Evidence is actually what can win your case or not win your case. You have to present it to them in a calm, clear, confident way. And that's what wins with them. It has to be based in the law.
Number two is talking too much and then saying the wrong things. If you're all over the place trying to do some kind of emotional trauma dump on the judge, they're going to get irritated and fast. I mean fast. If you're rambling, you're bringing up irrelevant details. Well, then in 1995, he dropped me off at my mother's and he yelled at me. They are not going to care about something that happened 30 years ago or whatever. If you're interrupting them, turning the courtroom into some kind of a therapy session or at least trying to, that judge does not want to hear your life story. Not like that. They only want to hear it in terms of the law. So, if there's property to divide, tell me about why I need to know this story. If there's uh custody involved, tell me about why I need to know this. Are the best interests of the children going to be affected? If your answer is yes or no to do the facts matter to the legal situation, the legal issue in front of them. If it's yes, great. Tell it. If it's no, do not. Save yourself. Save it for your divorce coach, your therapist, or whoever else that you have helping your best friend. So, short sentences, facts only, no emotional adjectives. not, oh, you know, they're they're so toxic and abusive. That could definitely be true, but prove it. You'll come across stronger, calmer, more credible, infinitely more credible. So, if you want to win against the narcissist, you've got to get that judge on your side. So, I want you to comment the word judge right now. Just comment that word judge. And that way you can start to understand who the most important person is in that courtroom and the only person that matters.
The next thing is bad mouthing the other parent without proof. Judges hate this. And guess who does it constantly? Narcissists. Here's what most people don't realize. When you do it to too, even if it's true, it just to the judge, it just looks like two kids arguing with each other. It's like, uh, you guys just both need to stop. They're looking for how can I take this information, apply it to the law. They don't want to hear about your bitterness, you know, anybody's lack of self-control, hostility, they don't care about these things, okay? Even when the other parent is the abusive one, the way to expose the narcissist isn't with accusations. It's with patterns, evidence, neutral language. Never hand narcissist ammunition by reacting emotionally. You need to be the calmst person in the room. That's how you win. And if you want to know how to start documenting, get my free doc the narc cheat sheet. Just go to docthenark doc and get my free documentation cheat sheet. And join my free private Facebook group, narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zong, too.
Number four is f not following court orders. Boy, do judges hate this. Even small ones. their rules, their law better be followed. If somebody's not following it, there will be hell to p pay. Hell hath no fury. Like a judge whose orders are being disobeyed. Well, let me tell you, they expect compliance. Period. Nothing enrages them faster than being late, ignoring deadlines, failing to turn in documents, refusing to attend mediation, skipping your parenting class or something that is required, withholding the kids, violating temporary orders. Even if the other side violates first, if you do it too, you're going to get held accountable for your own actions. Contrary to popular belief, judges don't necessarily play favorites. They look for the one who they think is on the best behavior, just like parents do, right? Well, if the kid who's easier is easier, then then that makes it easier to, you know, interact with them. Judges are protecting their authority and their their own good name. Quite frankly, they want to get these cases moved off their dockets and they don't want to get appealed. If you want the judge on your side, you've got to show that you are responsible, reliable, have integrity, have respect for their orders, their process, and then follow through on that. When you follow every order and the judge is not, the judge is going to see the difference, and that's going to strengthen your entire case.
Letting the narcissist trigger you, especially in the courtroom. This is one of the number one ways that narcissist or that narcissists get the best of you and you lose a case is because they say something that narcissist says something and then you react, oh my god, that's not true. You yell things out. The narcissist is going to smirk at you, make faces, lie under oath, talk badly about you, twist the truth, try to provoke you, use the kids as pawns, use the court system as a sword, play the victim. They're going to do all of these things. Okay? Expect that and know that because that way you won't react emotionally. You can cry in in the shower, scream in your pillow, vent to your friends, vent to your your therapist, but don't do it in court. I've watched brilliant people destroy their own case by interrupting, making sarcastic comments, crying uncontrollably, looking unstable, raising their voice. You don't want to be the one who's doing that. Okay, here's the truth. The calmst person in the court often is the one who wins. You know, my dad used to say, "Whatever you say, say it with authority and people will believe you." That's a narcissist's mantra. Basically, judges don't want the history. They just want to see what's in front of them and see patterned proof of it. So, stay grounded, stay factual, stay calm, regulated, and then that is how the narcissist will start to look unhinged, and the judge will notice.
So the family court system isn't perfect, but it follows patterns and you need to play the game strategically. If you avoid these mistakes, you will protect your credibility and even more importantly, you'll destroy the narcissist's credibility. And then at the end of the day, you'll be protecting yourself. You'll be protecting your kids, your legacy, your money, your businesses, all the things that mean the most to you. You can shut down that narcissist. You have to have the right tools. Their behavior becomes your gifts, right? So every time they misbehave, just document it. Write it down. Just say, "Thank you for the gift." Not to them obviously directly, but to yourself. Say, "Thank you for the gift." And write it down, right? That's why I created the docthenark cheat sheet. So definitely get that.
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And the next video that I want you to watch is how attorneys prove narcissistic abuse in court. This is the one that's going to show you how these patterns, documentation, and behavioral evidence actually get a narcissist exposed in front of a judge. So, watch that next. And before you go, make sure that you have liked this video. You share it with somebody who needs to see this today so that they don't piss off a judge. You don't want to piss off that family court judge. And if this video helped, make sure that you're subscribed and you've hit that notification bell. You deserve power. You deserve clarity. You deserve a fair outcome and this is how you're going to get it.