Transcription
I am 17 years old and I have experienced pretty much nothing in my life. The things that teenagers would experience like doing [ __ ] with your friends, having fun with your friends, ding-dong-ditching, doing a bunch of [ __ ] or just random experiences. I haven't gone through any of that. And I feel like your teenage years is the years where you make the most memorable memories. And it kind of sucks, you know, that I didn't really get to experience any of that. I don't know how that makes me feel because the time is gone, never going to come back. I probably would have changed the way I acted.
But it's okay because I am who I am now and I know in the near future, probably, I'm going to I'm going to stay like this. I'm I'm going to lack experiences. I'm going to lack hangouts. I'm going to lack everything because I have been alone for so long that I literally find peace in not doing [ __ ]. But I crave crave crave crave wanting to go out and do dumb [ __ ] with your friends while you're still young. And I'm not talking about just my friends, I'm talking about like experiences in life. I haven't gone through anything. And it has just completely shifted my mentality. The same person I was I'm not the same person I was 2 years ago. 2 years ago I was 15 years old. Man, 15 and 16 was probably like the worst years of my life, went through so much [ __ ]. It was It was really really bad. Really really really bad. I needed help. And genuinely I needed help in my head. And I just decided to stay alone.
I'm talking about experiences of getting a job, learning about hard work. I'm going to experience that in the future. But, there's just so much that I lack on, and I never really realized it. The realization never really hit me until I got into my Instagram account that that I didn't log into for ages. I stalked my friends, my old friends from my previous school, just to see what they were, you know, what what they were up to. They're having the time of their lives. They're having so much fun, and I'm not talking about fun as in spending thousands and thousands of bucks. I'm talking about going out with your friends to a freaking park or some [ __ ] like that. And having fun and making memories and laughing and doing all of that. And I kind of looked at it, and I was like, I lack a lot. I have never, literally never, I promise you, never freaking experienced what it's like to go out with my friend. Like random unplanned hangouts? No. Never. And I don't I don't know, and it just sucks, dude. I don't know what more to say than the fact that it's just it just sucks as a whole.
And like and I missed out on so much, so many experiences and hangouts and things that I just missed out on because I was too afraid, because I thought I was different than these people, that I was I don't know. I was on a I was at a point in life where I just wanted to I don't want to be involved with these people. I thought I was so different and so unique. They were hanging out, going to the freaking ice rink. I used to be like, "Hell no. No, I'm not going to come." They I used to get invited. I used to say no. And then eventually, I stopped getting invited because I had always said no, and I had no particular reason to say no. So, I kind of did this to myself. But, at the point of life that I was back then, I was not interested in hanging out with these people. So, if I hung out with them, I wouldn't have fun because I'm not interested. But, now when I have interest, it's like I have interest and I crave it so bad, but at the same time, I'm probably not going to hang out with people. Unless, I'm just going to be real. I'm not I mean, unless I find somebody. I mean, life is just unexpected as hell, bro. I could find a best friend randomly at a random point in my random period of my life. So, I I really hope I do. I really hope I do because I'm tired of spending my entire day alone. It's just really sucks, dude.
Every day I'm looking at these people on social media. Oh, um going to going on vacation with my best friend. Oh, I bought my first car at 18. Oh, I bought my parents a brand new penthouse in Miami at 18 years old. And I'm just like, probably social media's fake. Don't believe social media. But, I'm just saying like you see all this [ __ ] on social media, you just have this like you just have this anger inside of you that all these people are making it so big, and you're just kind of there. You're just kind of miserable. You don't go out with your friends. You don't do anything. You're kind of just there. You're just like, you know what I mean? I'm I don't know if I should be glad for missing out on so much stuff and so many experiences because because I feel like if I hung out with all these people, if I got through all these experiences, I'd probably be miserable. But, at the same time, what is life without experiences? It's nothing. Absolutely nothing. The only reason you're alive right now is because of experiences. If you had no experience, you you you'd be scared shitless, dude.
I could pretend to be all confident in front of the camera, but I promise you, I you could put me in a group of like 10 people, I wouldn't say a freaking word. You could make me talk to some random girl my age to try to get to know her, to try to be friends with her. Truth be told, I would not do as good. This has like I feel like not having friends and not going outside and seeing all this [ __ ] drama that people do, and seeing people perform and perform and perform and have this this mask on their face, not going through that is making me lack a lot of experience. Not having friends is a big part. Having friends is a big part of experience in life, huge part of experience in life. And I unfortunately didn't have didn't go through that, but at the same time, I don't want to I don't want to be involved with these people. I don't want to go outside. I don't want to do any of this. But at the same time, I wish I was there with a group of eight girls that are constantly [ __ ] talking each other behind their backs. Probably gained somewhat experience out of that. I feel like that's that's a pretty decent experience right there. I'm just tired of pretending like none of this doesn't bother me. I'm tired.
I know I'm just 17, but I'm literally an adult. Like next year, I'm going to be an adult. And I just missed out on all these experiences on my in my teen years that I'm seeing everybody else have so much fun with their lives, and I'm just there looking at them. I'm sitting on on the chair looking at them leave and have fun. I feel like the only sad part about this is that I went through so much [ __ ] and I have the the that I have now because of my experiences, because of the things that I went through in my life. But I wish I realized this way sooner. I wish I had realized this when I was, let's say, 14, 15. I'm literally realizing this when I'm 17, when I've gone through the peak years of high school. Now I'm going to move on to university. And I feel like in university, everybody's just kind of worried about themselves and doing their own thing rather than being all like It's like the spark just doesn't stay the same. Well, I mean, better late than never, I guess. I realized this [ __ ] at 17. I'm going to make sure moving forward that I should be positive. Let connections come my way, but at the state same time, I don't want to be emotionally attached to these people, which is going to be It's probably the hardest part, but I'm going to do that. I'm going to be detached while trying to create connections with people. And I'll move on with my life. That's my plan moving forward. Anyway,