Transcription
What's up, guys? Welcome back to my channel. I hope you're having a lovely day today, and I hope it gets even better from watching this video.
Today, I'm going to be sharing over 20 things that I think every woman should know before she turns 30. I have really taken this seriously, okay, and look back over my 20s and like the lessons I've learned and the things I've been through and kind of compiled a list that I wish someone gave me when I was 20 just to make my life a lot easier and a lot less complicated. This is like a blueprint that I would give to my sisters of like this is what you need to know and good luck.
I've been through quite a bit in my life. A lot of great ups, a lot of dramatic downs, especially in my 20s, especially in the last year. So, I feel like I'm 100 years old. Okay, so I'm going to share my wisdom with you all today. You're welcome.
If you're new to my channel, hi, I'm Na. Welcome. I make videos all about self-improvement, but I like to make them very actionable. like here are the tips, the tricks, the hacks, the to-do list, if you will, to make a significant change that you're actually going to notice. So, if that works for you, I would love for you to stick around and subscribe. You can also check out my Instagram if you want to see more of my personal life. And without further ado, let's get into it.
Confidence is built through small, consistent actions. You don't need confidence to start something. You build it as you're doing it. You build it by overcoming something, by learning something, by persevering, by sticking to your word, seeing something through. Confidence is really not this like elusive complicated thing. It's actually very simple. And it's also not something you're either born with or you're not. You build it through consistent actions and by actually showing up for yourself and sticking to your word.
Figure out your values and your priorities in life as early as you possibly can. Not to get super morbid and like really serious right off the bat, but I genuinely think that death is like the biggest teacher when it comes to this. If I was genuinely confused about my values and priorities and what I actually find meaningful and important, I would literally imagine myself on my deathbed. It might be dramatic, but it works. And I would just be like, what would I find meaningful? Which memories would stick out? Like which experiences would I value? What would I wish I would have done more of? What would I wish I would spend less of my time on? Like those are the things that at the end of the day are the most important to you. And then once you figure that out, make sure that you live your life according to those. Make decisions that are in alignment with that. Make sure that your vision of success and your goals are aligned with that. Make sure that your values are aligned with your friendships, with especially your partner, how you spend your free time, the successes you're chasing. It really makes everything so simple and a lot less confusing. It makes making decisions a lot more straightforward, but it's not always the easiest. Choosing to go with your values might not be the most convenient option sometimes, but it will be the one that's the most authentic and the most meaningful to you.
Make sure that you appreciate the current season of life that you're in before it changes because it will change. Change is inevitable. Nothing is guaranteed and life does not go on forever. This season will be over. So find ways to enjoy it to appreciate it because it will be gone and you might miss it or you might have regrets of like, oh, I wish I would have done more with that time or when traveling or met new people or try new hobbies cuz right now my season is different and that's not a priority and I don't have time for that. Just enjoy where you're at.
On that note, I feel like a lot of us struggle through like big significant changes in our life. Maybe you're turning 30 and you feel like you're behind in life or you're not where you thought you would be. Maybe you're about to graduate and feel like you're being like just thrown into murky waters where you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. Or for me, it was a complete 180 of my entire life that I did not see coming at all. It was like a wrecking ball of like, let's destroy absolutely everything. It can be really hard to process those things and change can be really scary. But the hardest part for me is that it can kind of create like an identity crisis. like my life feels like it looks completely different. So, who am I now? It's honestly a really uncomfortable feeling for me. Like, I'm someone who likes to have things in neat little boxes. Everything makes sense. Everything's logical. I feel like that gives me a sense of control and it makes me feel safe and stable and all is well. And I feel like when that's not the case, I panic a little bit.
Something I've always relied on, especially during times of like big changes in my life, is therapy. I personally am a big fan of online therapy. It just works better for me. I can do it from anywhere. I can do it from the comfort of my home. A therapist will listen, ask you questions, and help you see things from new perspectives. And they obviously give you advice and techniques to make positive changes in your life. BetterHel is the paid partner of this video, and they're on a mission to make starting therapy a lot easier. You basically fill out a questionnaire, and you'll be matched with a therapist as soon as possible, and you can also easily switch therapists anytime at no additional cost. They have over 7,000 reviews and a 4.3 rating on Trust Pilot. So, BetterHelp is a platform you can trust. You can click the link in the description box or visit betterhelp.com/nika and that will give you 10% off your first month of therapy while dating.
Intimate access to you should be earned. And I don't just mean physical. I also mean emotional. And by earned, I don't mean any like materialistic things or even just pretty words. I mean like consistent action and you most importantly feeling safe, feeling comfortable, feeling like you can trust the person. That way you can also make sure that you really get to know someone properly with like a clear head and you see kind of like the proof of who they are, not just what they're telling you. Even if you feel like you have this crazy connection with someone, you don't actually know them after a first date, a third date, even a fifth date. I feel like for a lot of women, rushing it kind of equals like I will get that sense of security and safety quicker when a lot of the time you're just putting yourself in a risky position because you don't actually know the person and the likelihood of you being hurt and feeling maybe used or something like that is a lot higher. So protect yourself like make sure that you're not just giving those parts of yourself as if they have no value.
Start an emergency fund. That is a savings account with money in it for emergencies only. So your car breaks down, you can pay for it. You get fired, you can still pay your bills. Or you're dating someone, you're financially relying on them, and then the relationship turns sour for whatever reason, you have an opportunity to leave. That financial independence gives you so much freedom. The women that are in those scenarios right now would do anything to have that independence. So give that to yourself. even if you never actually need it, it gives you that security and that like safety net. If you want to dive deeper into emergency funds, just being more financially responsible, budgeting, saving, investing, etc., I'll leave a video down below that I did that very simply explains it all.
Moving your body and being healthy doesn't always mean going to the gym or doing traditional workouts. That never worked for me cuz I hated it. So, I never stayed consistent. And when this all changed is when I just started focusing on being active and doing activities that I actually enjoy. Whether that's reformer Pilates, badminton, climbing, hula hooping, ice skating lessons, martial arts, swimming, whatever. Like the possibilities are endless. So if you hate the gym, you hate working out, just find some activities that you actually enjoy and then you can always build on that because it's going to feel really, really good.
Resilience is the key to a successful life. So resilience is basically you fall. How quickly do you get back up? Whether that's from a failure, a heartbreak, terrible thing that happened to you, it doesn't matter. I have so much to say about resilience. I made a whole video about it, so I'll link it down below. But the key to resilience is to change your perspective and find the lesson in it. And finding that lesson doesn't mean that you condone that this happened. It just makes you feel like it wasn't all done in vain and now I can go on and take this lesson with me and be better because of it.
Know your menstrual cycle like the back of your hand. I used to have no idea what was going on and I remember like feeling insane and like I'm not mentally well and then my period would come and I would be like, "Oh, that's why I wanted to change my whole life and like move away and leave everything behind." And that's why I hated everyone for like 3 days. So get some sort of period tracker, an app, whatever, and start following your cycle and start like noticing these patterns like when I am right before my period, I'm really tired, I'm cranky, I'm whatever. When I'm ovulating, I feel like this like you need to know these things very well because then you can actually do things to help yourself.
A lot of the time you cannot control who someone is. You cannot change someone. You sometimes can't even control how someone treats you or the respect levels they have for you. What is in your control though and in your hands is if you keep allowing it or not.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you're ever going to have. You're with yourself 24/7. You cannot escape it. It influences every other relationship and aspect of your life. And this relationship can never be taken away. So make sure that it's a good one. Instead of focusing on finding the one, become the one for yourself. Love yourself. Don't you just hate when someone says that? Like, love yourself. Just be confident. Cuz you're like, "Okay, Sarah, what the does that mean?" Like, "How do I do that?" Here's a really, really simple hack. So, anytime you're making a decision, big or small, whether it's choosing what you want to eat, what you want to do next, if you want to go on this date, if you want to end this relationship or friendship or speak up for yourself, whatever, ask yourself, what would someone who loves themselves do? And then, whatever answer pops up first, go with that.
Figure out what you want in a romantic partner and what kind of relationship do you want? And the best way to do this is to look at your past experiences. So, past relationships, situationships, do like an autopsy. I dated Chad for 2 years. I liked these parts about him and our relationship. I hated these parts. I don't want that anymore. I felt like these things were missing. Like, just have a very clear picture. And then write a list of the qualities you want in your partner. And then circle the top five that are the most important to you. You're probably not going to get everything on that list in one person. No one's perfect. You need to make some compromises. That's just how it goes. But treat those top five as your non-negotiables. Like this is what they absolutely need to have for me to date them, for me to have a relationship with them.
Throw out the mentality of I need to suffer now in order to be happy later. I need to stick to this job that I absolutely hate that's making me miserable for the next 5 years so that I can then do XYZ. Obviously, there's a balance and you know, you probably shouldn't be doing things right now that are going to make your future you absolutely miserable and make her life 10 billion times harder, but you do not need to suffer to be happy later. Like, there is usually another way. And I've always kind of known this. I've always been the person that's like, I cannot keep doing something that is making me miserable. Um, but I especially learned this after my boyfriend at the time passed away because he was this type of person. He was like, I need to earn this much money, stick to this job that I don't like, do all these things so that I will live a better life later on. And he didn't get that chance. A lot of people slave away so that they can have enough money for retirement. And then they get sick and they can't travel like they always wanted to and they always dreamed of. And that suffering was for nothing. All you have is right now. Tomorrow is not promised. Life can change in a blink of an eye. So throw that out the window.
Don't rush your life. Like as we've said, enjoy the season that you're in and experience life fully because what are you rushing towards? Like death. Like what what are we running towards? Like I actually don't get it. When I sit down and I think of it, I'm like, what are we doing? Like also, we're here to experience life fully. Imagine you're like an alien that was just dropped on this planet and they're like, "You don't know how long you're going to be here. You don't know if you'll be able to come back. What are you gonna do with that time? You're probably going to want to experience as many things as you possibly can. And you and I are not aliens, but that's kind of our experience. We were dropped on this planet. We don't know how long we're going to be here. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I don't know if I'm coming back. I have no clue. So, experience life fully. And this mentality really helps me even when I'm going through like the worst times, the worst emotions. I'm like, I am here to experience everything fully. like I want to get to the end of my life and feel like I lived a life rich with experiences. Like I really really lived my life.
You can have it all but not at the same time. In different times of your life, different areas of your life are going to be a priority. So if you're focusing on your career really intensely and you have a lot of success and a lot of financial success and your social life is thriving, your health might take a backseat or your friendships, your relationship with your family. You might not be able to have kids right now because you're focusing on that so much. So you can have everything not at the same time. And that's also the reason why you should not compare yourself because someone might have the amazing career that you want but they don't have the amazing family relationship that you have. You don't know and it's irrelevant anyway. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it. So don't waste your time comparing and looking at what other people are doing and focus on what you actually can control and on what you want, how you want to live your life. That's what's actually important. It's not a race. Cuz like again, what are we rushing towards?
Also, on that same note, everything in life has a price. Every decision has a price, a compromise, a sacrifice. And when something is really for you and it's really important to you, that price, you know that it's there. You're aware of it. It can be annoying sometimes, but it's kind of like irrelevant. Like the price of being a really really successful professional athlete might be you don't get as much time with your family and friends. your schedule is predetermined completely and you don't really have much control over it. You need to work really really hard. Watch what you eat. Have your mindset be really strong at all times. Like there are so many prices that come with that. And for someone that price might be a little annoying sometimes or inconvenient, but totally worth it. And for someone else, like myself for example, that seems like a nightmare. And I would never want to do that. And that's with every choice in your life, whether it's relationships, career, everything.
Your free time is just as important as your goals and your achievements. It's usually what recharges you and what you actually remember about your life, like the memories that you make. So, make sure that you actually prioritize it and see it as valuable and fill it with things that you actually enjoy and find meaningful. I have a whole video about hobbies if you want to check that out. I'll link it down below.
Be very selective about when you ask for advice and who you ask for advice. And be even more selective of whose opinions and criticisms you take on. Don't take criticism from people that you would never go to for advice.
Love is not transactional and it does not have to be earned. If you're a chronic people pleaser, you deeply believe that you think that you need to do so many things in order for someone to love you, in order for someone to want to have you in their life. You need to be either really helpful or really easy or really convenient or whatever it might be. I have a whole video on how to stop the cycle of being a people pleaser, so I'll link it down below. There's a lot of helpful tips. But the most important like antidote is to find experiences where that wasn't the case. So whether it's current relationships you have in your life or a past relationship, whether it was with a grandparent, a teacher, um someone from preschool, it doesn't matter. Just like finding experiences where you felt like their love for you was just there and them loving you just felt really easy and effortless and like it was a fun, joyful experience for them. it wasn't work. Because I can sit here and go on and on about how love is not transactional. It doesn't need to be earned. And you might logically be getting it, but you need to experience the opposite in order for that switch to flip. And then use that as the blueprint when it comes to any future relationships that you have.
You don't rise to your goals, you fall to the level of your systems. I made a whole video about a system that really, really works for me, and I created a whole planner to go along with that system so that your goals are really ingrained in that planner. So, I'll link the planner with like a discount code down below and also the video where I go over the whole system. So, that'll be linked down below if you want to check it out.
You cannot make more time. So, make sure that you create a schedule that's aligned with how you work best. How you do that is you write down the days in the week and the hours, the times of the day when you are your most productive, your most focused. And then you're going to look at kind of like your tasks in life, your work tasks, your personal tasks. You're going to write down every single one. and you're going to write whether it's a high focus task, it takes a lot of brain power or if it's like kind of like an easy mindless task. And then you schedule the high brain power tasks during the times when you are most focused and most productive. And that is the hack that really helped me to become really really efficient. And I work way less now than I used to and I get just as much done.
Trust your intuition as a woman. It's literally your superpower. It has literally never led me astray. It's like a north star of my life, honestly. And if you've been ignoring your intuition, it's probably like a whisper that you can barely hear. And the more you start to listen for it and look for it, the louder it gets. It's something you can't even ignore anymore, even if you wanted to. And a few things to help like bring it to the surface are to become more feminine, which usually means like more soft, slow down, spend more time in nature, spend more time connecting with yourself, spend more time being creative. Those are not only the things that are going to help you hear your intuition more, but they're also the things that are going to help you to be a happier, healthier version of yourself.
Last, but not least, gratitude really is the shortcut to a happier, healthier, and more peaceful mind. So, create a practice for it. Whether it's like writing three things you're grateful for every morning or in the evening with your partner or your family, you each say something you're grateful for or you have a phrase. So whenever something happens big or small like let's say you walk to the crosswalk and the light turns green straight away. So you say something like I am so lucky I feel like I was born under a lucky star or isn't life so magical and beautiful. Whatever your phrase is that is like my favorite practice because it's so easy and you really train your brain to look for the good and it changes your whole perspective and your whole experience.
All righty guys, that is it for this video. I've been filming for so long, so I don't even know if I'll be able to include all of these, but I would love to hear from you. Like, what are the things you wish someone told you when you started your 20s? Or if you're already in your 30s, like what advice would you give to all of us that are not there yet? I feel like we could create a really nice like supportive space. And if you enjoyed this video, I would love for you to stick around and subscribe. You can also check out my Instagram if you want to see more of my personal life. But thank you guys so much for watching and I'm going to see you very, very soon. [Music]