Kevin Samuels: She’s 34, a Mom of 2, But Never Had a Boyfriend? Here’s the Reality

Hey everyone, welcome back to Mental Groove. Hope you're all doing well. Today we're diving into another Kevin Samuels clip that's got the internet split. Before we get started, make sure to hit that like button, subscribe, and stick around. I'll be sharing my honest take right after the video. Let's see what's up.

This person: Hello.

Hi.

How How are you?

I'm fine. How are you?

I am good. Uh, how old are you?

I'm 34.

All right. So, what are we talking about? We talking about consent? Are we talking about dating in that social class? Are we talking about privilege?

Um, privilege.

Okay. What do you want to talk? What What's the What's the issue with privilege?

Okay. Well, just more I watched some of your shows and you said something about when you have kids and you're over 30, your privilege goes down. So, for me, I mean, I'm a single mom of two, 34 years old. Um, I've been a mom since I was 19. I've never had a boyfriend. just had situationships and I'm kind of scared to date because I have children. Okay. But I don't want to be alone. Okay.

So, what's the question about privilege going down? Do you not think it does?

Well, for me, I don't I feel as if it does not go down because of who I am, what I can contribute. Not saying that, you know, I have a 800 credit score or I have a big house or anything.

Okay. Okay. How we determine what your privilege is is by men who are actively men of value actively vetting you to be their wife. Okay? Everything else doesn't matter cuz you ladies will you get you ladies will count so many different things because a man will show you attention because you can deal with a man. Uh, that could be henny dick. I'm talking about what men of value are vetting you to be their wife so they can take you around their colleagues, the country club, the pastor, their their mother, their fraternity brothers. Do you have men of value actively vetting you to be their wife?

Well, I would probably say no because most men have girlfriends. Most men have wives.

No, they No. No. No. 54% of black men are single and childless. Okay, you can roll your eyes. Let's take it up with the Department of Health, the CDC, the and the bureau and the uh for who collects the census. That's the census data. 54%. So now what?

That's like really hard to believe. Okay. So do you have do you have better data?

I mean from what I've experienced with my dating.

Okay. But but ma'am your dating is you are one person on this small on this small planet. You're right. Why is it why is it that you ladies I'm curious why do you ladies always tend to dispute or it's hard to believe facts because of our experiences. You know, everyone's different, but but an int but an intelligent person understands their experience doesn't trump facts. If you jumped off of a top of a 10story building and lived, would you recommend it to your child? No. But your experience is you lived.

Yeah, but that's a bad idea because it's a strong possibility I could do based upon the facts, right?

You're right. You're right. But my question to you is with this privilege and dating privileged people or people the single the single guys, how do I go about that and weed out the the ones that are liars? Cuz I mean, I'm not even going to lie. I have a problem believing people. I want to believe the best. If you tell me something, I want to believe it. So, how do you go about dating the guys who are not liars?

Right. Well, you said something I want to go back to. You have a problem. Why should the guys who are not liars date a woman who has a problem?

Well, I have a problem on finding the one that's not

No, no, no, no, no. you you have a problem believing people. Why should a why should a man who's thorough about his business and are valued date a woman that has any problems? Why should he date a woman that has any any strikes on her? Why should not he get the best?

Well, why wouldn't he get the best with someone who has problems because of the fact that, you know, they've been through issues that cause them to have these problems.

Okay. Right. But but you also you also had the experiences. Have you ever gone to buy a new car?

Yes.

Okay. When was the last time you went to buy a new car?

2015.

2015. What kind of car did you get?

It was a Kia Optima.

Kia Optima. Was it a 2015?

Yes.

Why didn't you go buy a 2005 with experience?

Well, the mileage um

you mean the experience was a problem because you had the money to buy a 2015 brand new.

Well, it wasn't really that a reliable car.

Yeah. Right. And a man needs a reliable partner. So when you have the money to get what you want, you don't accept less. When you have the rating and the ability to get brand new, you don't take used. So in these situations with women like like myself or other women, how do we go forward on getting that individual?

What uh how many children do you have?

Two.

Uh by the same man or different men?

Different.

Uh what is your first ch What does your first child's father do for a living?

Well, let's just say I was R. Kelly by a broke R. Kelly. Um, I was 16. He was 24. It was just a bad situation.

What did your second child's father do?

Uh he's a truck driver.

Okay. You don't get hired your baby daddy. You see what happened? You don't you don't get higher than your baby daddy.

What do you mean by that?

Meaning if your baby daddy is right here, rank ranked right here, that means this is your level. The best you could get was a man to make a baby with is right here. So you don't get to make a baby with a man here and then go up here for a man to provide for him. You don't get no higher than your baby daddy cuz the only thing that's happened is you're older. So you keep saying how do you go forward or you don't.

Oh, okay. So, I'm just supposed to stay single for the rest of my life.

No, you should have married the man you had a baby with.

It doesn't always work that way.

Okay. I don't I don't understand why men are trying to understand why would you have a baby and then say uh when somebody says you should have married before you had a child.

Um, because I'm not going to go get an abortion every time someone get pregnant. And the fact that God 30

No, no. God didn't do [ __ ] There. Don't put that on my God. Your your recklessness. There are 33 forms of birth control. Plus the morning after pill.

Oh, that don't always work. Trust me.

Well, you know what does work? Abstinence and I've been doing that.

Well, but the problem is, ma'am, the problem is you're a woman that says you have issues trusting people. You got two kids by two different men. one dude that you don't neither one you speak highly of and then you think you should be able to go out to the market and get a man at a higher level. That's somebody's child. That's a man who had to make himself. Why should a man step take Why should a man do that and you're not willing to settle?

Well, you know what? That's another reason why I'm doing what I'm doing because of the fact that like once my kids get older, that's cool. What are you doing? Working and taking care of my kids. I'm putting my kids first. giving them a life that I

Okay, but but do you have a choice to do anything else? Do you do you have a choice? I mean, it's like you women say you're doing that like it's some badge of honor, but because you can't be out here dating the kind of man that you want.

I mean, I possibly could. It's just that I don't try because of the fact that

because you'd fail. Women don't like rejection.

I know. I know.

Ma'am, you can't get out. Okay, let's be real. The way you've come in and talk about, well, how do we move forward? Why do you feel like you get to move forward after you've made permanent decisions with men you don't speak too highly of? Or do you think you get to move forward with another man? Do you want First off, do you have Do you want to have any other children?

No.

So, so you're looking for a stepfather. Is there any honor in being a stepfather today?

Uh, I think it is [ __ ] I a put a post up on Instagram and I asked people this question. Is there any honor in being a stepfather? And overwhelmingly people said no. Women said no. So, a man doesn't get a child with you, he has to come and raise some other men's children. Men that you don't even speak highly of. You've got issues. This sounds like why should a why should a man who has 2015 Kia Optima buying power settle for for a rental?

Wow. I mean, y'all just don't think of and and point is you ladies don't think of yourselves in realistic terms. You look at and you say, "Well, look, I'm I'm great. All right." But somebody's is rent or owned. And why should a man marry you, own you, pay the full freight, and he can't even get a kid?

But own own me like I'm not a property and I don't see that's maybe maybe marriage would not be my thing because I'm not a property. It's a 50/50 thing like that.

That's something. That's such a boy. It's not no 50-50 nothing because a man coming in taking care of your two kids. That ain't no 50/50 nothing. He has to come in and provide for your two kids. He don't even get a kid. You're coming in with less. He has to come in with more. And see, that's the thing. You ladies talk about this ownership. Okay. Well, if there's a bump in the night, do you do you jump up and go deal with it?

Uh, I have to I have to think.

If you're married, if you're married, you got a husband in the bed. Most likely not.

If he's a man, he would definitely

Oh, see I think I think Thank you. You hear that [ __ ] if he's a man? See, it's funny when a man is going to to lose his life defending you, but it ain't no man for you to follow.

I mean, but I would get up and see if it was a it was a bump. I mean, my thing about it is just that I had to play both roles by myself.

You're not a wife. You're not a wife.

Hey, I mean, hey, that's probably why I'm still

Put your opinion on it. I get it. But I'm just saying a man who's looking for a wife ain't looking for all this attitude and this this negotiation. Understand something. A man who's looking to to to find a wife has all the advantages. He doesn't have to negotiate with any women, much less a woman who doesn't want to play her role and that wants to bring somebody else's kids and ain't going to give her no kid. That's not a you don't have any leverage in the marriage market.

So if I did give him a kid, it would be a whole different be more than what you got now.

But but let's just say let's just go forward. Okay. So let's just say you decide say, "Well, all right. I'm not cut out for this marriage stuff." Okay. Um, you are you have any daughters?

Oh, I have a um 16-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son.

Okay. Um, when you reach age 65, are you going to have your $2.4 million cash needed for retirement?

It's a possibility.

Okay. How is it going to be? Did you go to college?

Um, I did a little bit. Associates degree.

Okay. So, so you what do you what do you do?

I'm working right now for Oh, I'm a bartender.

Um Okay, ma'am. Ma'am don't know. Bartenders don't make two. Come on, ma'am. You said what happened? Bartenders don't make 2.4. Bartenders don't make that.

Bartenders do.

Well, ma'am ma'am, I used to be a bartender. Bartenders don't you don't you don't you don't earn your way or you don't save your way into 2.4 million. You invest.

Okay. But um

No, I'm just I'm just gonna

No, no, ma'am. You got two kids, right? Do you own a home?

No.

So, are you in an apartment?

Um, townhouse.

Town renting. Yes. Okay. A bartender with two children renting a townhouse does not at 65 become a a person who lived a life on purpose, who made long-term investments to prepare for retirement.

Well, I'm currently in school for real estate. I should be done by next month.

Like, there's things real estate. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Real estate. Real estate. Real. It's always real estate. it's real estate or it's financial planning or entrepreneurialism. Ma'am, did you not watch my show the other night where I ran down all these [ __ ] multi-level marketing and it's always real estate. Real estate. Okay. [Laughter] My thing is it's never too late to start over when it comes to

Yes, it is. When is it too late?

It's too It's too uh It's too late. It's too late to start over to try. Okay. It's too late to start over to try to be a high earnner. See, you are how old again?

34.

34. You had I had a 20 plus year sales career. I want you guys to understand that they would rather do this. I mean, I got a video up right now about a woman similar to you. Two kids. She was 27. And I did the same example and you're saying the same things. not real. And you're a bartender. She was uh a pro a property manager uh for uh government housing. And then she went and got her health license for World Global Financial and you going to do real estate. Like I said, they always said this. That's who gets rich. selling poor black women dreams that you can be the one at 34. You got 31 years into retirement and you're renting right now. You're not making $400,000 a year. You'd have to be making in excess of 300 plus,000 a year, saving a substantial portion of that to get to $2.4 million because you didn't start early. Why am I saying this? Because as a single woman, you don't earn enough money to be single. So when you're 65 years old and you're and you cannot work another day, no one will hire you. And whatever money you have uh is saved, is gone. Who's going to pay for the rest of your life between 65 and 85? Who's going to pay for it?

Looking into my 401k. Um, I mean I've I've it's I have not always been a bartender.

Who's going to I said when all when the money is gone. When the money's gone.

See the money the money runs out. What happens when the money runs out?

I'mma make a way.

No, no. Black women are Why are black women aging and dying alone? I was probably one step away from being on the streets. Karen said four years after the stock market crash of 2008, her life savings and investment was gone. She was forced to sell the house she had co-owned and lived in with her mother and her aunt who had died. You can't make a way. How do you make a way if you can't make no money?

See, I've always made some money.

So, I'm But that's the But see, that's what I mean. Privilege. You ladies have lived in privilege so much that you're not looking at the reality that at the end of life you cannot work after 65. Where are you going to work after 65 is going to pay you a living wage?

My thing about is when you said that privileged like I have that's I don't care. Where are you going to work after age 65 that's going to pay you a living wage?

Um, there's like work from home jobs. There's like what? Like what? Coster. Who call center? It's a business called Arise that you can call center. Call center. Yes, you can answer phone calls for $18 an hour. Yes, you can. You can do stocks. I know a girl who's $50,000 $50,000 up and doing stocks.

This is insane. I want you guys to understand when I was coming up, you did not work over 65. The first people to start hiring people who are retiring age were Walmart and they hired greeters. Now you got women like yourself thinking you can have full-blown careers after retirement. Just so you gonna pull So you just going to pull. So let me get this right. You're going to do whatever you do to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till *

I'

m

34.

All right. So, what are we talking about? We talking about consent? Are we talking about dating in that social class? Are we talking about privilege?

Um, privilege.

Okay. What do you want to talk? What What's the What's the issue with privilege?

Okay. Well, just more I watched some of your shows and you said something about when you have kids and you're over 30, your privilege goes down. So, for me, I mean, I'm a single mom of two, 34 years old. Um, I've been a mom since I was 19. I've never had a boyfriend. just had situationships and I'm kind of scared to date because I have children. Okay. But I don't want to be alone. Okay.

So, what's the question about privilege going down? Do you not think it does?

Well, for me, I don't I feel as if it does not go down because of who I am, what I can contribute. Not saying that, you know, I have a 800 credit score or I have a big house or anything.

Okay. Okay. How we determine what your privilege is is by men who are actively men of value actively vetting you to be their wife. Okay? Everything else doesn't matter cuz you ladies will you get you ladies will count so many different things because a man will show you attention because you can deal with a man. Uh, that could be henny dick. I'm talking about what men of value are vetting you to be their wife so they can take you around their colleagues, the country club, the pastor, their their mother, their fraternity brothers. Do you have men of value actively vetting you to be their wife?

Well, I would probably say no because most men have girlfriends. Most men have wives.

No, they No. No. No. 54% of black men are single and childless. Okay, you can roll your eyes. Let's take it up with the Department of Health, the CDC, the and the bureau and the uh for who collects the census. That's the census data. 54%. So now what?

That's like really hard to believe. Okay. So do you have do you have better data?

I mean from what I've experienced with my dating.

Okay. But but ma'am your dating is you are one person on this small on this small planet. You're right. Why is it why is it that you ladies I'm curious why do you ladies always tend to dispute or it's hard to believe facts because of our experiences. You know, everyone's different, but but an int but an intelligent person understands their experience doesn't trump facts. If you jumped off of a top of a 10story building and lived, would you recommend it to your child? No. But your experience is you lived.

Yeah, but that's a bad idea because it's a strong possibility I could do based upon the facts, right?

You're right. You're right. But my question to you is with this privilege and dating privileged people or people the single the single guys, how do I go about that and weed out the the ones that are liars? Cuz I mean, I'm not even going to lie. I have a problem believing people. I want to believe the best. If you tell me something, I want to believe it. So, how do you go about dating the guys who are not liars?

Right. Well, you said something I want to go back to. You have a problem. Why should the guys who are not liars date a woman who has a problem?

Well, I have a problem on finding the one that's not

No, no, no, no, no. you you have a problem believing people. Why should a why should a man who's thorough about his business and are valued date a woman that has any problems? Why should he date a woman that has any any strikes on her? Why should not he get the best?

Well, why wouldn't he get the best with someone who has problems because of the fact that, you know, they've been through issues that cause them to have these problems.

Okay. Right. But but you also you also had the experiences. Have you ever gone to buy a new car?

Yes.

Okay. When was the last time you went to buy a new car?

2015.

2015. What kind of car did you get?

It was a Kia Optima.

Kia Optima. Was it a 2015?

Yes.

Why didn't you go buy a 2005 with experience?

Well, the mileage um

you mean the experience was a problem because you had the money to buy a 2015 brand new.

Well, it wasn't really that a reliable car.

Yeah. Right. And a man needs a reliable partner. So when you have the money to get what you want, you don't accept less. When you have the rating and the ability to get brand new, you don't take used. So in these situations with women like like myself or other women, how do we go forward on getting that individual?

What uh how many children do you have?

Two.

Uh by the same man or different men?

Different.

Uh what is your first ch What does your first child's father do for a living?

Well, let's just say I was R. Kelly by a broke R. Kelly. Um, I was 16. He was 24. It was just a bad situation.

What did your second child's father do?

Uh he's a truck driver.

Okay. You don't get hired your baby daddy. You see what happened? You don't you don't get higher than your baby daddy.

What do you mean by that?

Meaning if your baby daddy is right here, rank ranked right here, that means this is your level. The best you could get was a man to make a baby with is right here. So you don't get to make a baby with a man here and then go up here for a man to provide for him. You don't get no higher than your baby daddy cuz the only thing that's happened is you're older. So you keep saying how do you go forward or you don't.

Oh, okay. So, I'm just supposed to stay single for the rest of my life.

No, you should have married the man you had a baby with.

It doesn't always work that way.

Okay. I don't I don't understand why men are trying to understand why would you have a baby and then say uh when somebody says you should have married before you had a child.

Um, because I'm not going to go get an abortion every time someone get pregnant. And the fact that God 30

No, no. God didn't do [ __ ] There. Don't put that on my God. Your your recklessness. There are 33 forms of birth control. Plus the morning after pill.

Oh, that don't always work. Trust me.

Well, you know what does work? Abstinence and I've been doing that.

Well, but the problem is, ma'am, the problem is you're a woman that says you have issues trusting people. You got two kids by two different men. one dude that you don't neither one you speak highly of and then you think you should be able to go out to the market and get a man at a higher level. That's somebody's child. That's a man who had to make himself. Why should a man step take Why should a man do that and you're not willing to settle?

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Looking into my 401k. Um, I mean I've I've it's I have not always been a bartender.

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Like, there's things real estate. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Real estate. Real estate. Real. It's always real estate. it's real estate or it's financial planning or entrepreneurialism. Ma'am, did you not watch my show the other night where I ran down all these [ __ ] multi-level marketing and it's always real estate. Real estate. Okay. [Laughter] My thing is it's never too late to start over when it comes to

Yes, it is. When is it too late?

It's too It's too uh It's too late. It's too late to start over to try. Okay. It's too late to start over to try to be a high earnner. See, you are how old again?

34.

34. You had I had a 20 plus year sales career. I want you guys to understand that they would rather do this. I mean, I got a video up right now about a woman similar to you. Two kids. She was 27. And I did the same example and you're saying the same things. not real. And you're a bartender. She was uh a pro a property manager uh for uh government housing. And then she went and got her health license for World Global Financial and you going to do real estate. Like I said, they always said this. That's who gets rich. selling poor black women dreams that you can be the one at 34. You got 31 years into retirement and you're renting right now. You're not making $400,000 a year. You'd have to be making in excess of 300 plus,000 a year, saving a substantial portion of that to get to $2.4 million because you didn't start early. Why am I saying this? Because as a single woman, you don't earn enough money to be single. So when you're 65 years old and you're and you cannot work another day, no one will hire you. And whatever money you have uh is saved, is gone. Who's going to pay for the rest of your life between 65 and 85? Who's going to pay for it?

Looking into my 401k. Um, I mean I've I've it's I have not always been a bartender.

Who's going to I said when all when the money is gone. When the money's gone.

See the money the money runs out. What happens when the money runs out?

I'mma make a way.

No, no. Black women are Why are black women aging and dying alone? I was probably one step away from being on the streets. Karen said four years after the stock market crash of 2008, her life savings and investment was gone. She was forced to sell the house she had co-owned and lived in with her mother and her aunt who had died. You can't make a way. How do you make a way if you can't make no money?

See, I've always made some money.

So, I'm But that's the But see, that's what I mean. Privilege. You ladies have lived in privilege so much that you're not looking at the reality that at the end of life you cannot work after 65. Where are you going to work after 65 is going to pay you a living wage?

My thing about is when you said that privileged like I have that's I don't care. Where are you going to work after age 65 that's going to pay you a living wage?

Um, there's like work from home jobs. There's like what? Like what? Coster. Who call center? It's a business called Arise that you can call center. Call center. Yes, you can answer phone calls for $18 an hour. Yes, you can. You can do stocks. I know a girl who's $50,000 $50,000 up and doing stocks.

This is insane. I want you guys to understand when I was coming up, you did not work over 65. The first people to start hiring people who are retiring age were Walmart and they hired greeters. Now you got women like yourself thinking you can have full-blown careers after retirement. Just so you gonna pull So you just going to pull. So let me get this right. You're going to do whatever you do to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to tillM

34.

All right. So, what are we we're talking about? We're talking about consent? Are we talking about dating in that social class? Are we talking about privilege?

Um, privilege.

Okay. What do you want to talk? What What's the What's the issue with privilege?

Okay. Well, just more I watched some of your shows and you said something about when you have kids and you're over 30, your privilege goes down. So, for me, I mean, I'm a single mom of two, 34 years old. Um, I've been a mom since I was 19. I've never had a boyfriend. just had situationships and I'm kind of scared to date because I have children. Okay. But I don't want to be alone. Okay.

So, what's the question about privilege going down? Do you not think it does?

Well, for me, I don't I feel as if it does not go down because of who I am, what I can contribute. Not saying that, you know, I have a 800 credit score or I have a big house or anything.

Okay. Okay. How we determine what your privilege is is by men who are actively men of value actively vetting you to be their wife. Okay? Everything else doesn't matter cuz you ladies will you get you ladies will count so many different things because a man will show you attention because you can deal with a man. Uh, that could be henny dick. I'm talking about what men of value are vetting you to be their wife so they can take you around their colleagues, the country club, the pastor, their their mother, their fraternity brothers. Do you have men of value actively vetting you to be their wife?

Well, I would probably say no because most men have girlfriends. Most men have wives.

No, they No. No. No. 54% of black men are single and childless. Okay, you can roll your eyes. Let's take it up with the Department of Health, the CDC, the and the bureau and the uh for who collects the census. That's the census data. 54%. So now what?

That's like really hard to believe. Okay. So do you have do you have better data?

I mean from what I've experienced with my dating.

Okay. But but ma'am your dating is you are one person on this small on this small planet. You're right. Why is it why is it that you ladies I'm curious why do you ladies always tend to dispute or it's hard to believe facts because of our experiences. You know, everyone's different, but but an int but an intelligent person understands their experience doesn't trump facts. If you jumped off of a top of a 10story building and lived, would you recommend it to your child? No. But your experience is you lived.

Yeah, but that's a bad idea because it's a strong possibility I could do based upon the facts, right?

You're right. You're right. But my question to you is with this privilege and dating privileged people or people the single the single guys, how do I go about that and weed out the the ones that are liars? Cuz I mean, I'm not even going to lie. I have a problem believing people. I want to believe the best. If you tell me something, I want to believe it. So, how do you go about dating the guys who are not liars?

Right. Well, you said something I want to go back to. You have a problem. Why should the guys who are not liars date a woman who has a problem?

Well, I have a problem on finding the one that's not

No, no, no, no, no. you you have a problem believing people. Why should a why should a man who's thorough about his business and are valued date a woman that has any problems? Why should he date a woman that has any any strikes on her? Why should not he get the best?

Well, why wouldn't he get the best with someone who has problems because of the fact that, you know, they've been through issues that cause them to have these problems.

Okay. Right. But but you also you also had the experiences. Have you ever gone to buy a new car?

Yes.

Okay. When was the last time you went to buy a new car?

2015.

2015. What kind of car did you get?

It was a Kia Optima.

Kia Optima. Was it a 2015?

Yes.

Why didn't you go buy a 2005 with experience?

Well, the mileage um

you mean the experience was a problem because you had the money to buy a 2015 brand new.

Well, it wasn't really that a reliable car.

Yeah. Right. And a man needs a reliable partner. So when you have the money to get what you want, you don't accept less. When you have the rating and the ability to get brand new, you don't take used. So in these situations with women like like myself or other women, how do we go forward on getting that individual?

What uh how many children do you have?

Two.

Uh by the same man or different men?

Different.

Uh what is your first ch What does your first child's father do for a living?

Well, let's just say I was R. Kelly by a broke R. Kelly. Um, I was 16. He was 24. It was just a bad situation.

What did your second child's father do?

Uh he's a truck driver.

Okay. You don't get hired your baby daddy. You see what happened? You don't you don't get higher than your baby daddy.

What do you mean by that?

Meaning if your baby daddy is right here, rank ranked right here, that means this is your level. The best you could get was a man to make a baby with is right here. So you don't get to make a baby with a man here and then go up here for a man to provide for him. You don't get no higher than your baby daddy cuz the only thing that's happened is you're older. So you keep saying how do you go forward or you don't.

Oh, okay. So, I'm just supposed to stay single for the rest of my life.

No, you should have married the man you had a baby with.

It doesn't always work that way.

Okay. I don't I don't understand why men are trying to understand why would you have a baby and then say uh when somebody says you should have married before you had a child.

Um, because I'm not going to go get an abortion every time someone get pregnant. And the fact that God 30

No, no. God didn't do [ __ ] There. Don't put that on my God. Your your recklessness. There are 33 forms of birth control. Plus the morning after pill.

Oh, that don't always work. Trust me.

Well, you know what does work? Abstinence and I've been doing that.

Well, but the problem is, ma'am, the problem is you're a woman that says you have issues trusting people. You got two kids by two different men. one dude that you don't neither one you speak highly of and then you think you should be able to go out to the market and get a man at a higher level. That's somebody's child. That's a man who had to make himself. Why should a man step take Why should a man do that and you're not willing to settle?

Well, you know what? That's another reason why I'm doing what I'm doing because of the fact that like once my kids get older, that's cool. What are you doing? Working and taking care of my kids. I'm putting my kids first. giving them a life that I

Okay, but but do you have a choice to do anything else? Do you do you have a choice? I mean, it's like you women say you're doing that like it's some badge of honor, but because you can't be out here dating the kind of man that you want.

I mean, I possibly could. It's just that I don't try because of the fact that

because you'd fail. Women don't like rejection.

I know. I know.

Ma'am, you can't get out. Okay, let's be real. The way you've come in and talk about, well, how do we move forward? Why do you feel like you get to move forward after you've made permanent decisions with men you don't speak too highly of? Or do you think you get to move forward with another man? Do you want First off, do you have Do you want to have any other children?

No.

So, so you're looking for a stepfather. Is there any honor in being a stepfather today?

Uh, I think it is [ __ ] I a put a post up on Instagram and I asked people this question. Is there any honor in being a stepfather? And overwhelmingly people said no. Women said no. So, a man doesn't get a child with you, he has to come and raise some other men's children. Men that you don't even speak highly of. You've got issues. This sounds like why should a why should a man who has 2015 Kia Optima buying power settle for for a rental?

Wow. I mean, y'all just don't think of and and point is you ladies don't think of yourselves in realistic terms. You look at and you say, "Well, look, I'm I'm great. All right." But somebody's is rent or owned. And why should a man marry you, own you, pay the full freight, and he can't even get a kid?

But own own me like I'm not a property and I don't see that's maybe maybe marriage would not be my thing because I'm not a property. It's a 50/50 thing like that.

That's something. That's such a boy. It's not no 50-50 nothing because a man coming in taking care of your two kids. That ain't no 50/50 nothing. He has to come in and provide for your two kids. He don't even get a kid. You're coming in with less. He has to come in with more. And see, that's the thing. You ladies talk about this ownership. Okay. Well, if there's a bump in the night, do you do you jump up and go deal with it?

Uh, I have to I have to think.

If you're married, if you're married, you got a husband in the bed. Most likely not.

If he's a man, he would definitely

Oh, see I think I think Thank you. You hear that [ __ ] if he's a man? See, it's funny when a man is going to to lose his life defending you, but it ain't no man for you to follow.

I mean, but I would get up and see if it was a it was a bump. I mean, my thing about it is just that I had to play both roles by myself.

You're not a wife. You're not a wife.

Hey, I mean, hey, that's probably why I'm still

Put your opinion on it. I get it. But I'm just saying a man who's looking for a wife ain't looking for all this attitude and this this negotiation. Understand something. A man who's looking to to to find a wife has all the advantages. He doesn't have to negotiate with any women, much less a woman who doesn't want to play her role and that wants to bring somebody else's kids and ain't going to give her no kid. That's not a you don't have any leverage in the marriage market.

So if I did give him a kid, it would be a whole different be more than what you got now.

But but let's just say let's just go forward. Okay. So let's just say you decide say, "Well, all right. I'm not cut out for this marriage stuff." Okay. Um, you are you have any daughters?

Oh, I have a um 16-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son.

Okay. Um, when you reach age 65, are you going to have your $2.4 million cash needed for retirement?

It's a possibility.

Okay. How is it going to be? Did you go to college?

Um, I did a little bit. Associates degree.

Okay. So, so you what do you what do you do?

I'm working right now for Oh, I'm a bartender.

Um Okay, ma'am. Ma'am don't know. Bartenders don't make two. Come on, ma'am. You said what happened? Bartenders don't make 2.4. Bartenders don't make that.

Bartenders do.

Well, ma'am ma'am, I used to be a bartender. Bartenders don't you don't you don't you don't earn your way or you don't save your way into 2.4 million. You invest.

Okay. But um

No, I'm just I'm just gonna

No, no, ma'am. You got two kids, right? Do you own a home?

No.

So, are you in an apartment?

Um, townhouse.

Town renting. Yes. Okay. A bartender with two children renting a townhouse does not at 65 become a a person who lived a life on purpose, who made long-term investments to prepare for retirement.

Well, I'm currently in school for real estate. I should be done by next month.

Like, there's things real estate. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Real estate. Real estate. Real. It's always real estate. it's real estate or it's financial planning or entrepreneurialism. Ma'am, did you not watch my show the other night where I ran down all these [ __ ] multi-level marketing and it's always real estate. Real estate. Okay. [Laughter] My thing is it's never too late to start over when it comes to

Yes, it is. When is it too late?

It's too It's too uh It's too late. It's too late to start over to try. Okay. It's too late to start over to try to be a high earnner. See, you are how old again?

34.

34. You had I had a 20 plus year sales career. I want you guys to understand that they would rather do this. I mean, I got a video up right now about a woman similar to you. Two kids. She was 27. And I did the same example and you're saying the same things. not real. And you're a bartender. She was uh a pro a property manager uh for uh government housing. And then she went and got her health license for World Global Financial and you going to do real estate. Like I said, they always said this. That's who gets rich. selling poor black women dreams that you can be the one at 34. You got 31 years into retirement and you're renting right now. You're not making $400,000 a year. You'd have to be making in excess of 300 plus,000 a year, saving a substantial portion of that to get to $2.4 million because you didn't start early. Why am I saying this? Because as a single woman, you don't earn enough money to be single. So when you're 65 years old and you're and you cannot work another day, no one will hire you. And whatever money you have uh is saved, is gone. Who's going to pay for the rest of your life between 65 and 85? Who's going to pay for it?

Looking into my 401k. Um, I mean I've I've it's I have not always been a bartender.

Who's going to I said when all when the money is gone. When the money's gone.

See the money the money runs out. What happens when the money runs out?

I'mma make a way.

No, no. Black women are Why are black women aging and dying alone? I was probably one step away from being on the streets. Karen said four years after the stock market crash of 2008, her life savings and investment was gone. She was forced to sell the house she had co-owned and lived in with her mother and her aunt who had died. You can't make a way. How do you make a way if you can't make no money?

See, I've always made some money.

So, I'm But that's the But see, that's what I mean. Privilege. You ladies have lived in privilege so much that you're not looking at the reality that at the end of life you cannot work after 65. Where are you going to work after 65 is going to pay you a living wage?

My thing about is when you said that privileged like I have that's I don't care. Where are you going to work after age 65 that's going to pay you a living wage?

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This is insane. I want you guys to understand when I was coming up, you did not work over 65. The first people to start hiring people who are retiring age were Walmart and they hired greeters. Now you got women like yourself thinking you can have full-blown careers after retirement. Just so you gonna pull So you just going to pull. So let me get this right. 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till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to 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till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to till to tillM

34.

All right. So, what are we talking about? We're talking about consent? Are we talking about dating in that social class? Are we talking about privilege?

Um, privilege.

Okay. What do you want to talk? What What's the What's the issue with privilege?

Okay. Well, just more I watched some of your shows and you said something about when you have kids and you're over 30, your privilege goes down. So, for me, I mean, I'm a single mom of two, 34 years old. Um, I've been a mom since I was 19. I've never had a boyfriend. just had situationships and I'm kind of scared to date because I have children. Okay. But I don't want to be alone. Okay.

So, what's the question about privilege going down? Do you not think it does?

Well, for me, I don't I feel as if it does not go down because of who I am, what I can contribute. Not saying that, you know, I have a 800 credit score or I have a big house or anything.

Okay. Okay. How we determine what your privilege is is by men who are actively men of value actively vetting you to be their wife. Okay? Everything else doesn't matter cuz you ladies will you get you ladies will count so many different things because a man will show you attention because you can deal with a man. Uh, that could be henny dick. I'm talking about what men of value are vetting you to be their wife so they can take you around their colleagues, the country club, the pastor, their their mother, their fraternity brothers. Do you have men of value actively vetting you to be their wife?

Well, I would probably say no because most men have girlfriends. Most men have wives.

No, they No. No. No. 54% of black men are single and childless. Okay, you can roll your eyes. Let's take it up with the Department of Health, the CDC, the and the bureau and the uh for who collects the census. That's the census data. 54%. So now what?

That's like really hard to believe. Okay. So do you have do you have better data?

I mean from what I've experienced with my dating.

Okay. But but ma'am your dating is you are one person on this small on this small planet. You're right. Why is it why is it that you ladies I'm curious why do you ladies always tend to dispute or it's hard to believe facts because of our experiences. You know, everyone's different, but but an int but an intelligent person understands their experience doesn't trump facts. If you jumped off of a top of a 10story building and lived, would you recommend it to your child? No. But your experience is you lived.

Yeah, but that's a bad idea because it's a strong possibility I could do based upon the facts, right?

You're right. You're right. But my question to you is with this privilege and dating privileged people or people the single the single guys, how do I go about that and weed out the the ones that are liars? Cuz I mean, I'm not even going to lie. I have a problem believing people. I want to believe the best. If you tell me something, I want to believe it. So, how do you go about dating the guys who are not liars?

Right. Well, you said something I want to go back to. You have a problem. Why should the guys who are not liars date a woman who has a problem?

Well, I have a problem on finding the one that's not

No, no, no, no, no. you you have a problem believing people. Why should a why should a man who's thorough about his business and are valued date a woman that has any problems? Why should he date a woman that has any any strikes on her? Why should not he get the best?

Well, why wouldn't he get the best with someone who has problems because of the fact that, you know, they've been through issues that cause them to have these problems.

Okay. Right. But but you also you also had the experiences. Have you ever gone to buy a new car?

Yes.

Okay. When was the last time you went to buy a new car?

2015.

2015. What kind of car did you get?

It was a Kia Optima.

Kia Optima. Was it a 2015?

Yes.

Why didn't you go buy a 2005 with experience?

Well, the mileage um

you mean the experience was a problem because you had the money to buy a 2015 brand new.

Well, it wasn't really that a reliable car.

Yeah. Right. And a man needs a reliable partner. So when you have the money to get what you want, you don't accept less. When you have the rating and the ability to get brand new, you don't take used. So in these situations with women like like myself or other women, how do we go forward on getting that individual?

What uh how many children do you have?

Two.

Uh by the same man or different men?

Different.

Uh what is your first ch What does your first child's father do for a living?

Well, let's just say I was R. Kelly by a broke R. Kelly. Um, I was 16. He was 24. It was just a bad situation.

What did your second child's father do?

Uh he's a truck driver.

Okay. You don't get hired your baby daddy. You see what happened? You don't you don't get higher than your baby daddy.

What do you mean by that?

Meaning if your baby daddy is right here, rank ranked right here, that means this is your level. The best you could get was a man to make a baby with is right here. So you don't get to make a baby with a man here and then go up here for a man to provide for him. You don't get no higher than your baby daddy cuz the only thing that's happened is you're older. So you keep saying how do you go forward or you don't.

Oh, okay. So, I'm just supposed to stay single for the rest of my life.

No, you should have married the man you had a baby with.

It doesn't always work that way.

won't just listen to or let a man rule me. Whatever, whatever, whatever just reared up in you and whatever that means. Yes. Oh, 'cause that's what you associate with being a wife. So if you're a black man and most black women talk like you, you said, "Yeah." So, so what is a black man to do? Sort through all that. Then if you want to love me and want to be with me, I... No, no, no, no, no, no. He's looking for a wife. See, that's what I don't... You ladies don't understand. So when you see black men who are not with black women, y'all get mad at black men instead of realizing, saying, "Black women, we got to do better. We lost another one."

Oh, no. I mean, I don't think like that. I feel like love is, is no color on love. You can... Well, but I just said if a black man was looking for a wife, I said, "You think you could find one in a black community? She go to another, another race." You said, "I feel like you go find them." Okay. How do you, in this whole conversation we've had about black women, what percentage of, out of the, out of marrying age black women, out of marrying age women, 18 to four, 18 to 35, what percentage of black women would you say are marriageable? Just a guess.

50%. Who's going to give it even? Because I mean, I do understand that there's some women that, okay, that aren't. I definitely understand. 50%. What would make a woman not marriageable? What would it, what would, what would knock a woman out of potential for being a wife? Insecurity. Um, thinking that a man is supposed to do everything. Um, not being able to take care of a household. Um, not, and be able to even hold their own, you know. Um, that's where I feel like that privilege come in. Because what about, what about if she has a child? No, I feel like they should still be able to get married at least. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's, that's what you feel. Okay.

54% of black men are single and childless, and most men want to start their own families. But you, as a woman, don't think that having a child should knock you out of contention for being a wife. That's fine. What about weight? I don't think you should be obese, but 80% of black women are overweight, and 80% of that number is obese. I mean, so how, if, so weight should matter? Yes or no? No. Weight shouldn't matter. So baby, so kids should matter, weight should matter. So to get to a 50% number of black women between 18 and 35, a black man just has to accept it all. I mean, it's, it's all about what they feel on the inside.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. See, now you're trying to get to the special snowflake. See, you got a son, and one day he's going to have to pick. Do you think these women are raising? Do you think these women are raising daughters that are going to be good enough for your son? H... I hope so. No, no, not hope. I'm not asking about hope. [ __ ] Do you think that, you think that when your son is of marrying age and made himself a successful man looking for a wife, you think that half the women of marrying age are going to be quality for him to be your, to be your granddaughter, to be your daughter-in-law, to be the mother of his children? You think these women are raising these girls to be fit for your boy? No. So, let's get out of this 50%. [ __ ] So, so if the women aren't raising them, what then? Where are the wives to come from? You might be right about that. The, the my ultimate point is, if you're going to save the black community, you got to start prioritizing on family. And family cannot exist. The black family today is a black woman and kids. There is, you, you look at circulars everywhere else. Family is a mother, father, children. Father, mother, children. Black community is a woman and kids because y'all stand alone. And you said it from 16. "I can do it all by myself." How do you get that at 16? I had a car and two jobs when I was in high school. Why? But, but where your, was, where your mother and father? I didn't, I was raised by my grandma and my sister. Okay. So, it was just a little different for me. My grandma.

So, if, if the, if, if the mothers, if the black mothers aren't prioritizing marriage and family, how do you have a black community? If the black mothers aren't prioritizing marriage, then family, how do you have a black community? I don't know. See, see, and that's all I do is I ask these questions because when you came in, you were so sure that the issue is with the men. That's the privilege. That's the story that's been told to you to keep you at war with the men. So now when you go out into the world, maybe this conversation will make you start to say, "You know what? There's a lot of [ __ ] going on with us women too, including me." That's why I recommend therapy so much because most women don't even have this conversation, but then they think, "But it'll bypass me." If I asked you if you wanted to be married, did you, if you wanted to be married, what percentage chance do you think you have of planning being married? If you ch, if you wanted to be married, what, what chance out of 100%, what do you think?

Um, I'll give it a 75. Oh my gosh. I can't have high hopes for myself. So, I'm, I'm supposed to say I said percentage chance. See, ma'am, as a, as a, do you, is there a difference between probability and possibility? Yes. What's the difference? I feel like possibility is a, is a chance or hope, and probability is the actual like standard of the likelihood. Yeah. I asked you what's the probability, you said 70%. Probably 25%. But, okay, but if one in four black women will marry in their lifetime, and you're 34 with two kids, don't you think that lowers your probability? No. Because if a man, I feel like a man that really loves and cares about you will. So you think a woman who's younger with no children has a similar probability as a woman who's older with two kids? So the 22, so the, so the childless version of you has a similar probability of finding a husband as the 34-year-old, two-child version of you? No. Then see what I mean? This is what I mean. You all put yourselves in the category of "I'm special." This is the, "Everybody gets a trophy," eighth place trophy, participation trophy. You guys can't judge yourselves realistically. This is why I got faith it's going to work. It's, I mean, everything you said is been, I could take you out and put it, this is like, this is the mindset. I've been dealing with this for over a year, and I could just start blanking out the faces, just letting the voices play, and they will all start to blur one another. But the men didn't do this. We did this. And the only way it's going to fix it is when you women start fixing it. You're going to have to start fixing it. So, like your daughter, was that your daughter that came in earlier? How old is she? She's 16. What are you telling her, daughter? Uh, a man's purpose. Oh, gosh, you're going to need that. Um, I'm more of, um, get your education, start your career before you start dealing with men because men like to destroy women, especially as black women, but that's just how I feel. Um, I would love for her to have a man in her life and get married and all that other stuff, but I will...

So you're teaching your daughter? You're teaching your daughter to fear black men? No. Ma'am, you just said, "I'm teaching my daughter to go to school, get her education, and start her career and get herself together before she gets married because men tend to destroy women." That's what the [ __ ] you said. You're right. Because most men do do that. They play with your emotions. They lie. Most men don't. Most men don't do [ __ ] 'cause 54% of black men are single and childless. The men you... Some of them are gay. Excuse me. This is what, now I'm about to go to [ __ ] off. This is. See, this is what I mean. You guys choose shitty men and then you blame all men. You're right. 30% of black men are married. 54% are single and childless. That's 84%. 84% of black men are responsible for 20% of the children. 80% of the children in the black community come from 16% of the men. You're judging black men based upon the dudes you decide to [ __ ] suck. Well, subject. I don't give a [ __ ]. That's not the point. And you, I want you to understand, you are burdening your daughter with this same [ __ ]. So, I mean, execute order 66. You're telling this 16-year-old girl, get out here and be single like me. Do it on your own like me because it's better to do this because men are to be feared. How do you think black women get ahead when every other race or woman has a man beside? 50%. There's a better than 50% chance you got a man beside you. When are y'all going to [ __ ] learn? 16. You, you're, you're condemning your daughter based upon this is why I say therapy so much because who's she not going to believe her mama? 'Cause I don't know where her father is, but it don't sound like you think too highly of him. Sure don't. But you picked the [ __ ]. You probably. Doesn't matter. You see the fact that you keep saying this [ __ ]? Stop saying that. He's half of her, right? Unfortunately. And unfortunately, she's half of you. Do, can you be as disgusted for that? Well, no, not as much as him. Trust me, I can. Jesus, Jesus hates Christ. You know, which is therapy. This is why therapy is so important. This, you are destroying your daughter. And if you don't think your son feels the negative vibrations you have towards men, and you talk about some of the guys end up being gay. Who do you think makes these [ __ ] sissies? Us women. That's why the girl. Oh, you just going to make her a dock then? Huh? That's what, that's what, that's what they say. They say that uh, strong mothers make boys who are gay. I don't believe that. And they make women who are. That's the whole trope in the black community, man. Okay. What about mothers like LeBron James' mother? Or gay? Are we talking? We talking like, I don't get it. Why are we going to NFL and NBA and rappers? Why do we go? Tell me some black business people. Name me five black business professionals, black business mogul that are athletics, entertainment, or music. Damn. I can't even do it. That's a goddamn shame. It is. Oh my god. And I'm sitting back. I'm like, you say these guys become gay. What do you think this comes from? Self-hate. Do you think, did your son hear you say anything positive about me? And you share his reflection? No, ma'am. I'm telling you right now, this conversation, if he's around you, this [ __ ] is poison.

Oh, I mean, I don't really say anything about men. Bull [ __ ]. How many of y'all think this woman who's here, when she's in her normal life, doesn't talk this way? Ma'am, you were talking this way in front of your 16-year-old daughter. This is why it will be better for the fathers to raise the kids. Oh, definitely not her dad. I mean, he can't even. I say all fathers. Huh? I say all. I didn't say all fathers. Oh, all right. Good. So, you think a man could raise a daughter? I think not. You think a woman could raise a man? I mean, I am going to do the best of my ability, but best of my. See, see, that's why I point you. The logic [ __ ] you guys up. Uh, was the black community better off 70 years ago with Jim Crow, segregation, uh, black laws, and everything else? No, it wasn't. No, the community wasn't better off. 'Cause you kept people, you kept people bound. You kept people not wanting to get, get more information. What the [ __ ] are you talking about? As far as you said, the black community. The black community. Not the country. The black community. So, it wasn't better when we had black businesses and, and, and thriving black schools and black papers and... Okay. Well, that's, that was, that was then in the middle of all that oppression because you had nuclear families. What have we had for the last 50 years in the black community? What's the community look like? Single mother homes, black boys reading at a fourth-grade level. So you say that can a man, what can a man do worse? If women have, if women have had, if women have been in charge of the black community my entire life, and, and it's, do you think the black community is better off than it was 50 years ago? No, it's not. Then, then what's the. So when do you, when do you ladies start understanding you don't need to be in charge? You need to take a step back and recognize the fault is not with the men. You can't even make the case, ma'am. Well, well, when I, whenever I do get married, if I get married, I'll be back on this show. And if you get married, but if you get married, why would, why? But you don't want to get married. I do want to get married. Why? What good is a man? A companionship to have someone to deal with. What good is, what good is a man? Companionship. I have one. But no, I want someone that can cuddle me, that can love me, that will build with me, that will build what? A life, like a, a financial life, a spiritual life. Um, just, what is... Okay. And what is he getting? A partner, love, security, knowing that someone's going to be by his side up and down. That's not good enough. I don't think that you recognize, I don't think you realize how much, how much work you are. You're right. I am a lot of work, but I'm not going to lose faith. I'm not going to just like, not think I'm not going to get married or not have anybody. Okay. Okay, ma'am. What percentage of women? Okay. Do you think there's a percentage of women that will die alone? Unmarried, never, just never married? Yes. What percentage of women do you, black women? What percentage of black women do you think that will be? Probably 40%. Ma'am, right now it's 74%, and growing. You're in that group. You're not getting younger. You're getting older, more set in your ways. Grandpa said, "So my point is, why you keep saying I'm gonna give up hope and this and that?" It's not about hope. Are you a religious person? I'm spiritual. Then what are you? Well, then spiritual. Faith without works is what? You said faith without works. Faith without works is what? It's a saying. Faith without works is dead. So where's the work behind this faith? Yes. It's, it's really. I just. So here you are at 34 years old. You've had it. Come to G. If you're not willing to do the talking sounds good, you can say whatever. But if you're not willing to do the work, nothing changes. That's why I vanzant deep. If y'all not willing to do the work, get real and do the work. People can talk [ __ ] about me. I've done my work and do my work. The people who progress in life do the work. They don't sit back and say, "I'm just going to hope and wish and I can't." Well, it's just, it's just talk. But I'm going to say again, you need to stop that BS with your daughter because I'm going tell you why they do this to their. They don't, they don't realize they're doing it, but they keep their daughters single and their sons, uh, weak so they'll be their security plan. Go to the video I uploaded about another woman that shares your reflection who was talking the same [ __ ] you're talking. She was a mother of two. Because if you keep your daughter single, get you a job, get you a career done. Because these men can destroy you, whatever. What do you think that does to a daughter? It makes her go out into the world not trusting men. So she does go off and become successful and have a job and she ain't got a husband or whatever, that means her little money or whatever when mama gets sick or mama fall on hard times, that is what's happening right now. So many women can't have lives because they are taking care of their mothers. Sons are doing the same thing. It's called being a son husband. They don't want to leave because mama is alone. Mama ain't had no man. So these kids end up living around their mama because their mama is an unsufferable business who could not ever decide to get with a man and don't nobody want to leave and go off and live a life because they don't want mama to die by themselves. So they end up live near guilted into making, uh, making their mother's life and they don't even have a life all because mama. Well, then do the work and stop being insufferable. Learn how to get along with somebody, a man, not somebody, a man. Get I can do. I do. I do. When was your last relationship? I never had one. But still, thank you. Then shut up. If you ain't had a relationship, you didn't had two babies in no relationship. I know you gonna chew me out with this one. I'm not chewing you out. I don't take it, man. What I'm trying to get you to do is stop talking [ __ ] and start living. And stop doing this. You talk like you got the answer to life, but like, where are your relationships? You do what? You do what? You ain't had a relationship. Why? 'Cause they lie. Talk about, "Oh, if I never told you about a girlfriend, you would never gave me no pussy." You damn right I would never give you no [ __ ]. If you had a girlfriend, the [ __ ]. But that's, you know, that's just the story of my life. Most of the guys that I do like, I wanted, I wanted, you know, tend to date or entertain. They always got a girlfriend or they got somebody in their life, and I just can't even deal with that. Why are you having unprotected sex and making babies outside of marriage? The second. The second one. I don't want to hear about the first. Oh, the second one. I told his ass to use a condom, and I, I don't want to hear [ __ ] man. You could have stopped him. You were. That boy is five years old. You were. You were late 20s. The first one would give you. Explain that [ __ ] away. You're fully a grown goddamn woman. I was stigmatized. It was just all about the penis, unfortunately. But that's just being truthful with you. I'm just being honest. But, you know, I learned from. I ask you why did you make a baby? I didn't want to hate bigger baby. I didn't tell him. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Accountability is like [ __ ] kryptonite. Are you serious? This is why black men are start accountability. They're this, they're that, they're this, they're that. You laid down and made a baby five years ago at almost 30 years old. Everything you done because of some good dick. Mmm. Yeah. Well, you, you're earning your outcome. I mean, that's fair. You. So, you don't have relationships, the men you pick, whatever. I mean, that's fine. And here's the thing, but stop talking like and marriage and relationships is so easy to get when you are the only common denominator in all this stuff. We're all, we're all the common denominator. That's the purpose of this because I don't think that you, I think that you take stuff like a joke, but man, you're almost 30 years old and you got a 5-year-old boy. You're raising a black boy right now. We have a jury trial in this c, in this state going for a black man who was shot down in the neighborhood running. That's scary as hell. What's scary is who's raising them. They're raised without men. Why was he good enough to make a baby with and not married? That's just, that's another story. Was he married? No, not at the time, but he got married afterwards. Yeah. It's, it's just a whole situation and I don't even want to hear. So, he's married now. Yeah. Do they want to marry you? No. And I didn't want to. Oh my gosh. We're not going to get into my. I'm just asking. I'm just, I just. Oh, yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't get it. I swear.

But this is, and here's the sad part. Uh, we have these conversations, and the reason I spend so much time is because when people listen to women like you talk, y'all sound so confident and so secure. Y'all have, black women like yourself have destroyed the black male image in other people's eyes because of the way y'all talk. That's why I do what I do to change, to counter the narrative because this is not black men's fault. Now, I don't want to hear what man, 'cause my thing is, okay, so it's not his fault that he got me pregnant. It was my fault 'cause I got pregnant. That's what, just y'all missed it together. No, ma'am. Men, women choose. Women choose who has sex and who gets born. If he had tried to have sex with you without a condom, could he have, could he have had, if you talk, if you said no? I just did a program about consent yesterday. Consent can be revoked at any time. So you laid down as a single mother already knowing what happens, and you already knew your situation. So you allowed a man to go to have sex with you unprotected knowing the potential outcomes. So yes, it's your fault. Why would it be his fault? 'Cause I told him to use a condom, and he didn't. Mhm. So you could have said no. Could you not? Um, I think not if we are in the whole, if he's in between my legs. I'm saying, here you go. Excuse me. I want, I want. Shut up. 'Cause if I decide I want to come over there and call it my [ __ ] and go in it, can I just take it? Thank you. Because thank you. Thank you. Because you have final say. It ain't like some man just because he wants to [ __ ] you, he gets to. You have final say. That's why I'm in the predicament I'm in now. I guess you're in the predicament you're in now because you refused to take accountability for your actions. Hey, I'm taking accountability for my actions. No. No. I. How? This conversation didn't start this way. I did the conversation this way. You're not living your life this way. You're living your life this way. Telling your daughter that men are the [ __ ] problem and women like you are the [ __ ] problem. Making babies and not being accountable, telling their kids [ __ ] to to destroy the men's men's image and not getting your own therapy and doing your own work. You obviously have issues, and that's fine. We all got them, but stop busyiness on everybody else and making everybody else responsible. Fix your [ __ ]. All right. I'mma fix my [ __ ]. I'm not even with that. I'm, I'm. But in the mean, but in the meantime, stop talking [ __ ] about men. Okay. That's all we want. If, and even if you don't fix your [ __ ], just stop talking [ __ ] about men. That's all we really want. We don't care if you fix your [ __ ]. Honestly, we just care that you stop talking [ __ ] about men. Okay. All right. Whoa. She's 34, a mom of two, been a mom since she was 19. But here's the crazy part. She's never even had a real boyfriend. Just situationships. She's scared to date, but also says she doesn't want to be alone. Sis, this is what Kevin Samuels was talking about when he said, "Women want the outcomes of commitment without the discomfort of accountability." You've been stuck in situationships for 15 years, avoiding commitment, avoiding the real conversations, avoiding the work it takes to build with a man. But now at 34, you don't want to be alone. You say your value doesn't go down because of what you offer. But let's be real, a woman's value in the dating market is tied to her youth, her mindset, and her willingness to cooperate. And no man of value is going to sign up for baby mama energy with a woman who has never learned how to be in a relationship. You're scared to date? Then be prepared to be alone because men are not looking for women who only want attention without accountability. You can't skip the work. You can't stay in situationships forever and expect to magically become a wife one day. You say you don't want to be alone. Then you're going to have to face your fear. Get clear on what you want. Learn how to communicate and understand what men actually value. Because time isn't on your side, and staying scared to date isn't going to protect you from the reality that no man will magically knock on your door with a ring if you're not prepared to be a wife. It's time to wake up, do the work, and move differently.