Transcription
Hello. You must be Ashley. Yes. Hello. Sit wherever you feel comfortable. You got pillows for your comfort.
Thank you for filling out the online questionnaire to prepare our session. Oh, yeah. Those are very helpful. At first, I was kind of annoyed about it because I was like, why do I got to do something before I get here? But then I started reading through the questions and it started getting my brain thinking about what I want to talk about and topics. So, uh I think they are kind of good. Yeah, I find them pretty helpful. They touch on a lot of different areas to get a better understanding on how you want to move forward.
Have you ever been to therapy before or is this your first time?
I've been to therapy before, but I haven't been in a very long time. I didn't really enjoy it.
Can you tell me more about what you didn't enjoy? What you didn't find helpful?
Well, it was just really difficult getting into the therapy. I would go and I tell them I'm feeling low and it takes so long to even get a response in general and then I get a response and then they tell me that I can make an appointment 3 months later and then 3 months finally come and then I have a therapist and I meet for one time and then they leave they transfer out to somewhere else and then I don't have one lined up after that. So then I spend time with this person and then now I'm going off to another person and I'm constantly having to explain myself over and over and at that point it's just annoying and I don't feel like I'm getting any process. I'm not getting any progress on the process I'm trying to take on feeling better.
I can definitely understand how frustrating that could be for you. It can make it feel hard to meet your long-term goals.
Yeah. Mosquito eaters in our screen. Yeah. SW it out and then so it's not in our distraction. Get out of here. Okay. Back. Um, yeah, it can be difficult to do it like that, but um, yeah. So, can you tell me more about what brings you in here today?
Well, I figured I would just give it another shot cuz you don't know if you don't go and might as well try again. Um, cuz I'm just feeling so low. I think I need some support and Nothing's going to change if I just stay around feeling that way. I might as well take the steps, even if they take a long time, to try to feel better.
I can definitely agree with that. Is there anything specific that seems that most of these feelings are coming from? Is there anything um
Oh, I always just feel so tired. I feel like all I do is go to work, come home, go to sleep, and then wake back up early in the morning, spend 12, 14, sometimes even 16 hours at work, which is crazy um how bad the hospitals get. I work on an ambulance, so sometimes we're just hanging around on the walls waiting to put our patient in a bed because they're so busy. Um So, it sounds like we get a break, but not really because we are standing up next to this person and they're constantly asking us like for a bed and everything. And it makes me feel guilty cuz it's like I want to help you get into a bed and get seen and stuff, but there's nothing I can do because the hospital is so packed. So, even when like people would think we have downtime, we don't. And then as soon as we are done with that, we go on to the next person and start the process all over again. And it's just so unpredictable. I feel like my nervous system is just out of shock because I'm just doing doing going going going. So I don't feel like I do anything besides the work and going home. And it just makes me feel so drained.
So what I'm hearing you say is work, your profession seems to be draining a lot and that's kind of where these emotions are arising from.
Yeah, work is really busy and I find myself feeling more irritable now. So, I'm always tired and now I'm becoming more irritable. I love my job. Like, I've always liked it, but now it's just getting really hard at this point after so long. I feel like I'm getting snappy with my partner. like my partner's not mean, but I find myself um just irritable and it's not that's not me. I feel like I'm losing myself and how I normally am.
Can you tell me more about your sleeping habits? Do you think you have a good sleeping routine?
Oh, well, now that you mentioned that, no, I don't. I wake up very early and then I'm working and then I will come home and I'll like be so tired I'll lay down before I do anything I need to do and then I'll fall asleep for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes and then I wake up and then I'm like, "Oh shoot, I got to go do this before I go to bed." But then I'll like be lazy again. So I'm not like actually sleeping. I'm just laying there wasting time instead of just doing when I need do and then going to bed. So, I don't find myself actually being in bed until like 11:30 and then I wake up at 5:00 in the morning.
You feel like you are trying to sleep. You're just not getting actual restful sleep. It seems a little patchy there.
Yeah, I feel like maybe I need to do a better routine with it. Like, I know I need to go to sleep. I know I need to do that and I feel like it. I want to, but I'm just I need the motivation to get done what I need to do and then give myself the sleep because I'm just like postponing it. Like I'm trying to get a little bit at a time, but I'm not doing it correctly. Cuz if I would just go to sleep, I would actually get good sleep. But I just find myself like being lazy. I feel lazy and like unmotivated. And it's like not helping. It's only making it worse. I can't find the middle ground of following a routine.
It sounds like a good routine would be really helpful when it comes to sleeping.
Yeah, I'll have to figure that out. I just need maybe I don't know do something more when I'm off work because like I feel like I make up for it at when I'm not at work on my days off but then I just find myself like bedrocking like I'm just watching movies laying in bed and I'm making up for all that like lost sleep during the week. But if I could just make a routine then I could just have good sleep all the way around. But that motivation I just I'm lacking it.
When you're watching these movies, do you feel restful? Do you think that is do you think that's recharging your battery when it comes to being more restful and getting giving your body some time to relax after working so hard and such a demanding job?
Not really. Like at first it does, but then I just I'm so tired it overd does it. Like I feel like I end up just overdoing it and then at that point it's not restful and I'm not enjoying it. I'm just being lazy and not doing anything.
That definitely makes a lot of sense. We could start with a good little routine to get you on track and maybe set some goals for you on on a routine planner. Have you ever done any routine planning?
Um, I haven't done any routine like actual planning like sitting down and planning it, but like I have things I need to do that I tell myself I need to do. Like I got a new pet that I love. His name is Onyx. He's a bearded dragon and that helps sometimes. Well, it does help overall because uh it'll get me up. Like I can't just lay in bed the whole day because I need to get up and feed him and I need to make sure he's getting outside time and that. So, when I get up for him, it helps me and it makes me makes it easier for me to get up and do things for myself as well because I'm already up. Might as well do this while I'm up kind of thing.
What I'm hearing you say is getting up to go to work and doing that kind of thing is more of a is more of a have to and where the motivation is lacking is where the things that you want to do that make you feel better. Getting up and doing those things that feels a little more rewarding.
Yeah.
Yeah. I like to do things with my lizard. I did read about your lizard in our questionnaire. So, you are open to bring him in here. We are animal assisted therapy as well at this in this session. So, you are more than welcome to bring him in here, too. I would love to meet him.
Oh my gosh, that would be so helpful cuz I' I've grown really attached to him. So, I like to bring him places with me. I even have a little carrier for him that I'll bring him out. I find the connections between the humans and their pets is an incredible motivation to to doing more positive things that make the both of you guys happy.
You know, I agree cuz my lizard loves the sunshine and I like to be in the sunshine too, but I find myself feeling lazy. But then when it's for him, it's easier to do it for him than it is for me. So, I'll go outside and I look at my garden and my garden's so pretty and I'm like, "Oh, Onyx would love to look at the flowers because it's like a different scenery than in my house that he sits in all the time." So, then that'll bring me outside and then I enjoy being outside.
That makes a lot of sense cuz animals tend to bring the best of us out. So, going back to your sleeping habits that you mentioned were not the best, would there be any time for you to set aside a moment to maybe take a nap in the backyard with your lizard while enjoying the sunshine? Maybe outside you can recharge your battery and take a nap at the same time.
Yeah, that is Yeah, I have a cute little hammock back there that I haven't sat in forever. I actually have three different hammocks. Um, I have like a chair one and a lay down one and another one that I can move around because like the two have stands, but the one I can lay in is pretty cool. But the chair is also pretty cool, too. Um, I also have a play pin for my lizard outside so he could stay safe in there away from birds and stuff. So, if I fall asleep, he'll still be safe. So, I could do that. And he loves being out there with it, too. So he can look around, but he's still safe.
That sounds like a great place to start then. It seems what I'm hearing you say is being outside in the nature really rejuvenates you and it makes you feel a lot better. So I'd like you to focus on that and we can come up with some ideas to get you outside more, spark the motivation and get you outside more. The better you feel, the better you will be able to fill up your cup that is half empty.
That's true. Yeah. I do feel like my cup isn't quite full and I can't really pour from an empty glass. I only have so much to pour out. I need to fill it back up.
Uh I like to take walks, too.
That's nice. I live close by the water, so walks are really easy to take. Um, my lizard likes to explore, too.
I think that sounds like a great idea. Can you tell me more about what a rejuvenating day off would sound like to you if you could do something for the day off and not focus so much on the hardships that you have to do at work? It's just simple things that you could do that would re recharge your battery and fill up your cup on your days off.
Um, I could spend the day in my garden. Um, I could wake up and have my coffee and I could let it warm up just a little bit outside. Um, my patio is great sun, so let it warm up a bit and then bring Onyx out to hang out with me and I like to pull weeds and listen to podcast. So, I could do all that and then I can go on a little walk and come back and then maybe take a nap in my hammock. Um, yeah. Do a little easy day like that. So, I'm not there's nothing I have to do. It's just things I enjoy doing. Just simple things outside.
Can you tell me more about the irritability that you mentioned at work? Do you think that stems from not sleeping or could there be other reasons behind that?
Oh, I don't know. I think it's probably a lot from not sleeping and then not sleeping good. I mean, I am sleeping, but I'm probably getting like four or five hours a night and I'll wake up throughout the night. Sometimes it just depends when I actually fall asleep. Um, it's probably work is just a lot and I think I just need to separate it a little bit more and find more of a balance.
That makes a lot of sense in the profession that you're in to take the appropriate time for self-care and kind of break that apart from only working in your home life as they are not supposed to be equal. You are supposed to be you are supposed to be happy and have that glass of water because if you're down here, you can't throw water up at your job. You got to be up here to be able to pour water down peacefully. So, we need to work on making that feel a little more even and not feeling so much so much tension at at work and not enough self-care at home. I'd like to even that out a little bit for you.
That is definitely something I'm open to working on. My throat, have you ever done any kept track of gratitude journaling or things throughout the day that you that you can remind yourself that's important that make you feel happy whether at work or at home.
No, I I mean I've thought about things that I like to do, but I've never like wrote them down and looked at them all. I think that would be a good idea to keep in mind there are things I like to do instead of just getting swallowed by my tiredness and weeping. Sulking. That's what it would be. Sulking in my tiredness. But if I have a list and I remind myself, look at all these things I like to do. That might be helpful.
In other words, you kind of forget the the positive things in life. You're just so go and focusing on the next call and the next thing that needs to be done that needs your attention. It's hard to stay in the present in the now and think of the things that make you as actually important and happy.
Yeah, pretty much.
I would love for you to be mindful of that throughout the next week until our next session. And keep in the back of your mind things that you notice that make you happy throughout the day or that you're grateful for throughout the day at home and at work. Even the smallest things of get waking up a few minutes early to go sit on the porch with Onyx and enjoy those five minutes. It's hard for a profession like yours to to justify the time that you spend of like, well, I do so much at work and I work so hard, so the little things don't matter, but the little things are what really matter. Taking five minutes to yourself to drink a cup of coffee and enjoy your cute little lizard's company. That makes you happy. And that is important. Being at work is important, too. But they're not as important as you are as for your mental health because we need to focus on that so you can help everybody else. So all the little things that you don't usually think of throughout the day, I want you to be mindful this upcoming week of like, "Wow, this was actually nice. It was only 5 minutes, but I feel really good about it." Or maybe taking a bath or opening the screen door, just letting the wind in and just feeling things. All the little things to be in the present and the now that make you feel better. Those are very important.
I live in the Bay Area. I can't afford a or the bathtub. Then we will stick with the garden.
That sounds like a great idea. You have a garden with the hammock.
Yeah. Some people don't like water. That's okay, too. From what I'm hearing from you is being outside in the nature. That seems to be the connecting point for your motivation in the first place. and Onyx. And it seems if we could bring Onyx and we could bring the outdoors together, that seems like that could spark a lot of motivation for you. I could see a lot of positive change when we put those together.
Yeah. And I would be happy to see him in our next session.
Oh, today you came in wanting to talk about the emotions you felt at work and the and your sleep routine that we wanted to kind of adjust to tailor to fit you the best. We also touched on some other topics that you found that were pretty important and we are going to make some routines in the next following sessions and be more mindful of the things that we