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Old money, that rarified class of society where silence isn't just golden, it's the very currency of elite existence. In a noisy, social media-driven world where too many of us are ensnared in a cacophony of tweets, viral videos, and trending memes, the old money crowd engage in a lifestyle where the simple lifting of an eyebrow speaks volumes, and where a subtle nod can be akin to a Shakespearean soliloquy. Indeed, it's as though these privileged few are playing out a silent film where each character understands the script so deeply, the subtitles are meaningless.
Thus, in today's video at Old Money Luxury, lend us your ears and eyes as we rise to be your translators in the hidden non-verbal communication style of the affluent, describing the science of quiet wealth and how old money families communicate without words. In the hallowed pages of old money history, the art of silent etiquette is often more expressive than the most malevolent speeches. Steeped in the centuries-long weight of familial customs, these social conventions have roots extending back to the aristocratic norms of medieval and Renaissance Europe. You see, whether navigating the elaborate etiquettes of the British court, the opulent salons of Louis XIV's France, or the mighty imperial Russian palaces, understanding these codes was non-negotiable. Indeed, a fumbled curtsy or an ill-timed flick of a fan could spell societal exile or even worse.
Yet, why did these societies place such importance on non-verbal communication? The better skilled you were at the clandestine art of non-verbal communication, the higher you were on the social totem pole. Understand, my dear viewers, the spoken word is fraught with ambiguity, and it can be a perilous path to navigate in environments where errors are often shockingly tantamount to treason. From the British aristocracy to the Sun King's court, these gestures served as unambiguous signposts of social standing. They not only expressed respect, but also revealed internal political maneuvers and social ranks with startling accuracy. And this codified system of behavior wasn't simply confined to European borders either. It was exported across the Atlantic, seeping into the fabric of American elite culture, as well as finding root in Commonwealth countries like Australia and Canada. And thus, these traditions of silent communication and non-verbal cues are not a relic of past eras, but an enduring element of old money culture today. Without a doubt, these unspoken rules continue to govern interactions within the United States and broader Western society.
For example, the gravity of these traditions have been codified in celebrated etiquette guides such as Amy Vanderbilt's *The Complete Book of Etiquette* and Emily Post's *Etiquette*. Vanderbilt, a reported member of the storied Vanderbilt dynasty, first published her guide in 1952, and it remains a touchstone in the realm of social graces. Emily Post, another giant in the realm of etiquette, introduced her monumental work in 1922. Her legacy continues through the Emily Post Institute, founded in 1946, which perpetuates the principles of decorum that govern high society even today. At a juncture where fleeting emojis often stand in for deep conversations, the unswerving fidelity of old money families to non-verbal forms of communication is a sign of their enduring influence, especially when you actually meet them in person. Therefore, they are not merely students of this silent lexicon, but its maestros, orchestrating a complex series of social cues to maintain a level of exclusivity that few can penetrate.
Additionally, Europe's lauded tradition of the stiff upper lip encapsulates this idea perfectly. This unwritten code of conduct, immortalized in 20th-century law through the United Kingdom's World War II slogan, "Keep Calm and Carry On," is vividly portrayed in the behavioral patterns and leadership style of our late Queen Elizabeth II and many members of the British royal family. Their restrained emotional range is communicated not by overt declarations, but by an intricate array of non-verbal gestures. And thus, our first lesson on the art of non-verbal communication is that it is indeed a skill cultivated by the very top of any social ladder. For the higher you climb up the rungs of power, the more subtly silent you must be in order to signal your adeptness at wielding social influence.
With that said, let us discuss the potency of something as seemingly simple as eye contact. For its unspoken weight is a keenly studied element of social dynamics, especially among the affluent old money class. You see, among the elite, eye contact can communicate detachment or even disdain, a sharp contrast to the overly expressive, animated eyes commonly perceived in the new money or eager-to-please ranks of a social group. However, Western and Eastern cultures also color this unspoken vocabulary differently. In Western societies, sustained eye contact often signifies trustworthiness and invites open communication. But venture to the East, and the same gaze might be viewed as brash or disrespectful. Therefore, while a direct gaze can foster a sense of camaraderie or even deter conflict, it is far from a universally accepted form of engagement. In some situations, a look from someone higher on the social scale can be less an invitation and more an act of subtle and acerbic judgment.
A well-known example of this is embodied by the character of Ruth's mother from the film *Titanic*, portrayed by actress Frances Fisher. In her interactions with Leonardo DiCaprio's character, Jack Dawson, the steerage-class passenger, Ruth's mother's eyes become powerful communicators of disdain. From the moment of their introduction, her gaze transforms Jack into a veritable intruder, an entity to be expelled promptly, or, as the film says, a bug that must be squashed. Her eyes become a silent testament to her distaste, casting him as an interloper who threatens to upset her world's well-defined social mores. This offers a stark contrast to Norman Mailer's richly detailed account of President John F. Kennedy's eye contact in the seminal essay, "Superman Goes to the Supermarket." In the piece, Mailer practically gushes with admiration at the ineffable magnetism of Kennedy's eyes, defining them as his most forceful feature, laden with a subtle, not-quite-describable intensity. Kennedy's eyes, according to Mailer, were not merely passive observers, but active participants in the unfolding narratives of the new America. The essay recounts that Kennedy's eyes shifted with his mood, adding layers of texture and intrigue to his persona. In doing so, they elevate him above the mundane, transforming him into an entity both mysterious and fascinating. Thus, in these divergent yet equally illustrative scenarios, the eyes emerge as critical instruments for gauging one's place in the social hierarchy. They either serve to downgrade someone's status, as with the cold stare of Ruth's mother towards Jack Dawson in the film *Titanic*, or to elevate a person on the social totem pole, as in Norman Mailer's description of the enigmatic gaze of Jack Kennedy.
And yet, we can delve even deeper into the silent world of non-verbal communication in old money circles through a discussion on the hidden art of gesturing. You see, in settings where every detail can be scrutinized, such subtle cues can have significant implications, either confirming one's belonging in a privileged circle or exposing them as an outsider. For example, the arts of bowing and curtsying function as ceremonial vocabularies within the lexicon of high society, serving not only as gestures of respect, but also as subtle affirmations of one's recognition and adherence to the hierarchical structures that define it. These gestures, however, can become points of social dissonance when participants from more relaxed or new money cultures enter the scene. Meghan Markle's initial experience with British royal etiquette provides a vivid illustration of this. Prior to her introduction to the House of Windsor, Markle, although a public figure in her own right, found herself unversed in the idiosyncratic traditions of the British monarchy. According to the now Duchess of Sussex, the expectation for her to curtsy before Queen Elizabeth II during their first meeting caught Markle by surprise. Yet this bow was not just a fleeting gesture. It was a rite of passage, a small but significant step towards her possible integration into the upper echelons of British society. Conversely, for Queen Elizabeth II, the curtsy she received from Markle also held symbolic importance. As the monarch, she embodied the apex of British cultural and social tradition. Meghan's curtsy to the Queen was thus likely less about individual acknowledgement and more about recognizing the millennium-old cultural norms and social hierarchies that the British monarch represents. Thus, Meghan Markle's curtsy was not a simple act of courtesy. It was a silent dialogue between two worlds, each acknowledging the other's significance and rules, converging, however briefly, at the intersection of respect and tradition.
Similarly, hand movements can be telling indicators of one's emotional state or confidence level. Fluid, purposeful gestures often exude confidence, reflecting the self-assured nature commonly found in old money families or powerful figures. Conversely, fidgety or nervous movements could betray insecurity, something that could have social repercussions in these circles. In the classic film *My Fair Lady*, Eliza Doolittle, played by Audrey Hepburn, is coached on the nuances of high society behavior as she prepares for the embassy ball. One scene in particular showcases her struggle to master the art of graceful hand movements during a dance, for her initial clumsiness could be a social death sentence among England's elite. Under the tutelage of Professor Henry Higgins, played by the legendary Rex Harrison, she learns that every gesture, from the way she holds her fan to how she receives a dance partner's hand, contributes to her perceived status. Her successful transformation becomes evident at the ball, where her impeccable non-verbal communication captivates everyone, thereby securing her a place among London's old money aristocracy. Thus, in the intricate ballet of social graces, gestures, and non-verbal cues are the silent actors that can either make or break one's standing in society. Whether it's Meghan Markle learning the subtle social cues of the curtsy or Eliza Doolittle learning the fine art of graceful hand movements, these small actions often speak volumes about one's social acumen and position.
Yet, my dear viewers, these examples are merely the tip of the iceberg. The same unspoken norms that govern body language and gestures extend into other crucial aspects of human life, most notably in the culinary arena. This therefore raises the next question: What are the unwritten rules that govern dining etiquette among the old money crowd? And how do they serve as yet another barometer for social standing?
Now, in the complex choreography of social etiquette, even mundane elements like the use of cutlery or the seating arrangement around a dining table can become weighted with unspoken significance. The social codes surrounding these aspects are often most pronounced among the wealthy and influential, making them subtle indicators of one's social standing and awareness of etiquette. Take, for example, the film *Pretty Woman*, where Julia Roberts' character, Vivian, grapples with an elaborate set of utensils at a formal dinner. Her initial hesitation and confusion serve as a tacit admission of her unfamiliarity with the nuanced codes of the affluent. Edward, portrayed by Richard Gere, steps in to guide her discreetly, transforming the scene into a vivid illustration of how mastery, or lack thereof, over such mundane details as how to behave at a dinner table can underscore one's social status. And seating arrangements at such events provide another layer of coded communication. Conventionally, the host and hostess occupy the head and foot of the table, with guests ranked by social status seated in descending order from them. This ordering is not random. It is a choreographed setup designed to reflect and reinforce existing social hierarchies. However, to be clear, this concept extends beyond mere dining setups. Consider weddings or ceremonial events where the arrangement of guests isn't just a logistical requirement, but also a mapping of social relationships and statuses. The proximity of a guest to the couple or the celebrant can be interpreted as a clear indicator of their importance within the social or familial structure. Indeed, proximity often matters even in the way one arranges artifacts within one's living space and can say much about social standing and cultural values. Family heirlooms, such as vintage furniture or ancestral portraits, often occupy spaces of prominence in a home, and the choice to display these items isn't arbitrary. It's a calculated decision to affirm one's historical lineage and cultural heritage. The positioning of these heirlooms, either front and center in a living room or perhaps in a more private chamber, indicates the family's level of pride in their heritage and their desire to either prominently display or discreetly treasure these links to their past.
However, if you aren't dressed the part when you're seated at that curated high-society location, all would be for naught. Thus, in our final section, we must clarify the silent languages of wardrobe and attire among the old money set. Now, the social nuances of fashion are not merely matters of personal taste. They are forms of non-verbal eloquence in the realm of the affluent as well. The distinctions are often unspoken, yet starkly apparent. For old money, fashion is a minimalist symphony of understated excellence. You're unlikely to see these individuals in anything less than high-quality fabrics, even if the attire itself appears casual to the untrained eye, with cashmere, silk, linen, and merino wool being but brushstrokes on their social canvas. And, of course, the accessories will follow suit. Leather belts, silk ties, and elegantly discrete jewelry are the final flourishes that unequivocally pronounce their societal rank.
But let us juxtapose this sartorial elegance with the fashion choices of new money folks who try to announce the zeros in their bank account as loudly as an ambulance siren. Here, subtlety is often traded for spectacle. For example, we can easily draw a parallel with the flashy attire in the '90s film *Clueless*. Cher Horowitz's iconic yellow plaid suit or Dionne's extravagant hats scream individualism and a desire to stand out, echoing a somewhat brash display of newfound affluence. In the real world, think Kardashians: corsets, neon colors, and thigh-high boots. A threaded spectacle that often unfortunately leaves nothing to the imagination. These are individuals for whom fashion is not just a statement, but a billboard announcing their arrival. Thus, whether it's the curated elegance of old money or the unabashed loudness of the *nouveau riche*, fashion serves as a powerful non-verbal dialect. It telegraphs social status and aligns individuals with particular societal subsets, offering a visual lexicon that's as telling as any spoken language. Therefore, the next time you find yourself pondering the unspoken social status of the person you're talking to, remember: less is more in a world where people definitely have more of everything they want.
If there's one skill that people with old money have mastered, it's the art of preserving wealth. Their approach isn't merely a love for the finer things in life, but a meticulously orchestrated symphony of habits and mindsets. Indeed, when we ponder the psychology of old money families, especially the ones who came from new money and strategically built up their empires over many generations, we soon find that there are specific, reproducible tricks of the mind that even we ourselves can incorporate into our daily lives to improve our financial acumen, level up our social circles, and truly begin to think like old money. With that being said, in today's video at Old Money Luxury, we will take you through a psychological journey of your own, step by step, by revealing these time-honored principles of the generationally wealthy. And hopefully, by the end, you'll be able to incorporate these ironclad laws of success in your own endeavors. So, without further ado, take a comfortable seat and get ready for the ride as we describe seven psychological tricks to think like old money. Now, we'll be doing this illustrious list in countdown order.
And to start things off at number seven, let's begin with a concept you might have heard thrown around at a networking conference or two, but never had fully fleshed out in the context of the old money mentality. The theory of cultural capital was first brought forth by none other than Pierre Bourdieu. This suave French sociologist was a maestro at dissecting the fabric of society and gained prominence by illustrating how power moves and shakes in society, not just in grand sweeping gestures, but fascinatingly through time itself. Now, Pierre's pièce de résistance, developed during the smoke-filled '70s, was something he called cultural capital. Essentially, he painted a picture of how power, that elusive phantom, is transferred through generations and solidifies the status quo from social rank to wealth. Looking back at history, imagine the Medici, that Renaissance dynasty of Italy that made the Kardashians look like paupers. Their deep pockets funded the arts and made them the talk of the town, or rather, of the whole continent. Their patronage of legendary artists like Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo didn't just create a cultural revolution; it cemented their high cultural capital status as the trendsetters of the era. Shifting our gaze to the New York high society of the late 19th century, we find another captivating example of cultural capital embodied by Mrs. Astor's famed "400." An elite group representing the pinnacle of the city's social status. Membership in this exclusive circle was akin to gaining entry to an enchanted world of privilege and power. Indeed, Mrs. Astor herself was a formidable figure, a paragon of social grace and elegance, whose gatherings were the most sought-after events in the New York social calendar. The "400" represented the crème de la crème of high society, a carefully curated group that included titans of industry, influential politicians, and prominent cultural figures. To be counted among the "400" meant more than just rubbing shoulders with the elite; it bestowed a certain cachet that could open doors to opportunities previously unattainable. And how can we forget today's Middle Eastern aristocracy, from the Saudis to the Qataris, swapping oil for football (known to you Yanks as soccer)? They're snapping up football teams, hiring star players like Cristiano Ronaldo and Messi, and even hosting their own World Cup. All this and much more in a bid to win the world's favorite sport's cultural capital, giving their rule a sporty, more approachable aura. So, how can you start building up cultural capital like an Astor or a Medici? A strategic move that exhibits true expertise involves curating gatherings with the most captivating individuals you personally deem interesting. By orchestrating these social events, you effectively bring together high-quality social groups, encouraging the exchange of ideas and synergies, earning you the reputation of a connector. In this way, when people with significant cultural capital interact and forge relationships at your events, they will forever associate their acquaintance with you, the architect of these social encounters. Think of it as akin to the richest individuals in finance who middleman transactions at scale and accumulate fractions of each, rather than being directly involved in the transactions themselves.
Next, we're stepping onto the chessboard of impression management, a socio-psychological brainchild of Erving Goffman. This fascinating theory suggests that we humans are masterful curators, painstakingly tailoring our behavior and appearance to cast the kind of impressions we desire upon others. This is, of course, close on the heels of our previous old money psychological trick of cultural capital, where benefits sprout not only from financial assets but from the fertile ground of social relationships and networks. Now, to illustrate impression management in action, take a front-row seat and witness the Windsors, the reigning monarchs of Britain, spinning this theory into a masterstroke of their own. Our royal family has a well-oiled machine, affectionately dubbed "the Firm," working round the clock to keep the Windsor brand burnished to a gleaming shine. Their dance with the UK tabloids is a thing of beauty, a subtle game of give and take, where they share enough to satiate public curiosity while maintaining their regal mystique. Perhaps the most notorious example of this is how they managed to turn the public's eyes away from the diabolical behaviors of Prince Andrew, deftly guiding him out of the spotlight while Prince Harry and Meghan kicked up a storm with their rebellious escapades. It was a royal diversion, one might say, a bittersweet masterstroke in impression management, all while keeping the wheels of the Firm turning smoothly. The takeaway: whether you're royal or not, remember, impression management isn't merely an exercise in vanity. It's about creating a robust public persona, maintaining a healthy relationship with your personal publicity networks, so to speak, and when necessary, performing a tactful disappearing act. Be thoughtful and strategic about the image you project because, like it or not, impressions matter, and they can be the key to unlocking doors you never knew existed.
For number five on our list, we're diving headfirst into the complex world of security motivation theory, an intriguing concoction of cognitive psychology and human behavior. This fascinating theory says that, quite simply, we humans are driven by our innate desire to feel safe and avoid any scrapes or scuffles. Originally, this theory was hatched to help understand why some health warnings scare the living daylights out of us, and why some people run for the hills when faced with a slightly undercooked chicken warning label. But the theory didn't stop there; its reach stretched out like an octopus's tentacles into new territories such as our response to cyber threats or whether we'll follow home or workplace security policies. You see, at the heart of the security motivation theory are two core cognitive processes: threat appraisal, where we assess danger, and coping appraisal, which gauges our ability to deal with it. An excellent current example of when to see this theory in action is within the fortress walls of the sometimes legendary, sometimes infamous *New York Times*, but more specifically within the ruling Sulzberger family's approach to their cherished investment. Like a well-aged scotch, the Sulzbergers have consistently shown a distillation of old money adaptability wrapped in a tenacious drive to protect the newspaper's public relevance, longevity, and financial stability. The cherry on top is A.G. Sulzberger's digital magnum opus, the 2014 Innovation Report. An expansive, 96-page document, it laid bare the Times' need to keep pace with the breakneck speed of digital media. Not only was this report a clear demonstration of their threat appraisal from security motivation theory, but it also showcased their unwavering commitment to secure the paper's future in a rapidly evolving digital landscape. For you, the key takeaway is this: Like the Sulzbergers, always make it a point to evaluate the potential threats in your environment, be it professional or personal. Acquaint yourself with the current social trends happening in your local area, as well as potential hazards that may impact your professional endeavors. Understanding these dynamics helps you better prepare to tackle them, thus shielding what's dear to you from potential harm. But that's not all. You need to follow this assessment with the correct preventive measures, not just anything you guess off the top of your head. These could range from comprehensive insurance coverage to fortifying your digital infrastructure against cyber threats. In the business sphere, it might mean constant innovation to stay ahead of your competition or investing in professional development to ensure your skills stay relevant in a rapidly changing job market. Remember, you don't have to own a newspaper like the Sulzbergers to implement these principles. All it requires is a proactive attitude towards risk management, a willingness to learn and adapt, and a robust measure of security motivation.
Number four on our list, we have the flywheel concept. An ingenious brainchild that the business guru Jim Collins unveiled in his seminal work, *Good to Great*. This theory, as slick as it sounds, paints a vivid picture of operational strategies, none more brilliantly exemplified than by the Grosvenor family's empire that sprawls across the length and breadth of England. Imagine, if you will, a life-sized board of Monopoly. But this isn't a game, and the Grosvenors aren't playing around. Indeed, they've truly monopolized the crème de la crème of London's real estate: the glitzy Mayfair, the sophisticated Belgravia. These glittering gems in their portfolio serve as an inexhaustible flywheel, the force that keeps their fortune spinning, continually filling their coffers and fortifying their social and economic status. In fact, this family has used London real estate as their flywheel with such finesse that the current head of household, the Duke of Westminster, is already worth over $3 billion at the age of 32. Now, let's hop across the pond to the land of the free and home of the Walmarts, where the Walton family is busy spinning their own flywheel. Just like the Grosvenor family, they too strive for security, nurturing the retail behemoth with the strategic caution that only old money can imbue. Their steadfast dedication to preserving Walmart's stability, longevity, and financial robustness embodies the quintessential wisdom of established family dynasties. The takeaway: Always remember, whether you're in retail like the Waltons or in real estate like the Grosvenors, identify your own flywheel—that core business strategy that generates momentum and, once in motion, perpetuates success. It's not just about financial might; it's about creating an enduring legacy that propels you from good to truly great.
Now, up to this point, we've mainly focused on psychological tricks that old money families use to stay in power. But what about a psychological trick that, if used, will actually hurt your emotional stability? Enter the focusing illusion. A gem from the treasure trove of behavioral economics and happiness studies. This concept spins the yarn that we mere mortals are prone to overemphasizing the impact of certain factors, say money, on our happiness. Let's shine a spotlight on William Randolph Hearst, the American newspaper tycoon who built Hearst Communications into a newspaper chain and media giant of unparalleled proportions. Despite basking in the glow of wealth and success, Hearst was a tragic hero, dogged by unhappiness and plagued by insecurities that money and fame couldn't dispel. Peel back the layers, and you'll see that Hearst's love life was a patchwork of emotional complexities. He wedded chorus girl Millicent Wilson in 1903 and fathered five sons. But then actress Marion Davies waltzed into his life, becoming the intoxicating love that his marriage lacked. He never untied the knot with Millicent, painting a picture of a man seeking comfort outside an unhappy marital cage. Hearst's edifice complex took form in the grandeur of Hearst Castle, a mansion as extravagant as its owner, surrounded by three guest houses. He planted a staggering 7,000 Monterey pine trees to block the ocean view, a grim symbol of his craving for privacy and control. The silver screen was another battlefield where Hearst's insecurities played out. He used his media empire to amalgamate his film and publishing ventures, reaping political power from the propaganda machinery of movies. Yet his influence was mired in controversy, and his efforts to quash *Citizen Kane*—Orson Welles' veiled criticism of him—exposed his insecurity and desperate attempts to control his public image. The moral of the tale, don't forget: happiness isn't a pot of gold at the end of the money rainbow. It's found in genuine relationships, inner peace, and personal fulfillment, far away from the illusion of the materialistic circus. Don't make Hearst's folly your own.
Coming in at number two, let's talk about the structure of old money families and dip into the fascinating world of family constellation. A concept pioneered by Alfred Adler and given wings by Rudolph Dreikurs. Picture an astronomical constellation, but replace those twinkling stars with parents, siblings, and others who made up your childhood household. Every family member, just like a star, occupies a unique position in this constellation, and these placements significantly shape their psychological development. In the glittering galaxy of the super-rich, family constellation takes on an even grander scale. Let's cast our eyes once again upon the wealthiest family constellation in the United States: the Waltons, founders of Walmart and holders of a staggering net worth of over $200 billion. Each member of this mega-rich household has a distinct role and expectation to fulfill within their constellation, impacting not just their personal development, but also the ties that bind them together. However, it's not just about recognizing their role, but nailing it that makes their dynasty so enduring. This is where they set themselves apart from many crumbling empires. Just look at the popular TV show *Succession*. The heart of its appeal lies in the family members' inability to adequately play their roles. Thus, if you want to ensure your family's longevity and cohesion, learn to play your role effectively in your family constellation. Similarly, train your children, siblings, and cousins to think more as a connected web, not just over years, but over decades and centuries. And then you'll begin thinking like old money, recognizing your position and fulfilling it to the best of your ability. Remember, every star, no matter how small or large, contributes to the brilliance of the constellation.
And lastly, let's take you to a world where marshmallows translate to millions, if not billions, of dollars. Confused? Allow me to explain. I am referring to Walter Mischel's Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, a landmark study about delayed gratification that posits the ability to resist the seduction of immediate rewards to secure larger future gains. This echoes the theory of temporal discounting, where individuals often devalue a future reward, preferring an immediate one instead. Our leading players in this arena of financial patience are old money families around the world. First, let's take a bow to the grand masters of the long game, the Rothschilds, an indomitable European banking dynasty tracing their roots to the 18th century. They fine-tuned the art of delayed gratification to a science. Their long-term approach to wealth preservation and growth being a testament to this. Consider their bold move during the Napoleonic Wars, where they sunk their fortunes into British government bonds. An investment as risky as they come. Yet they glimpsed the future gains, sat back with strategic patience, and voilà, substantial profits cascaded into their coffers, fattening their family wealth. And then we have the astute John D. Rockefeller Sr. and his innovative generation-skipping trusts. By leaping over one generation, he exemplified the old money tradition of wealth preservation across decades, ensuring the Rockefeller riches remained untaxed and undiluted. In your case, while the world rushes for immediate gain, play the long game. Embrace delayed gratification and strategic patience. Whether it's a marshmallow or a million, resist the temptation for immediate rewards and aim for the bigger future prize. After all, slow and steady did win the race, and it can win you a fortune, too.
Old money, a term that has, as of the last couple of years, seamlessly embedded itself into the digital realm, represents wealth that has weathered countless storms, nurtured through the passage of generations. Today, old money has become something of a cultural symbol, sparking significant interest and trending discussions across social media platforms. The aesthetic echoing Ivy League traditions, grand mansions, invaluable antiques, and classic cars have all become part of its captivating appeal. Yet, dear viewers, let's separate the substance from the symbol. The essence of old money lies not in material possessions, but in a deeply ingrained mindset and the practice of meticulously crafted etiquette. It's an enigmatic code revealed through subtle gestures, social conduct, and a nuanced use of language. In today's episode of Old Money Luxury, we aim to decode the mysteries of these old money code words and behaviors, beginning from the most obvious and gradually delving into the complex and nuanced as we describe 10 code words and behaviors that speak in the secret language of old money.
Let's begin with a fairly common one that many of you probably know. The upper classes, the ones who often best comprehend the hidden language of old money, use "summer" as more than a noun depicting a season. It becomes a verb signifying their privileged lifestyle. You see, these individuals don't merely experience summer; they proactively "summer." It symbolizes their annual exodus to sunlit sanctuaries like the Hamptons or the French Riviera. Why does summer undergo such a transformation? It's a subtle code hinting at a life of inherited privilege that sees them retreat to their seasonal refuges with practiced ease. An anecdote you might hear would be, "We always summer in Tuscany." Or, "Our family has summered in Nantucket since time immemorial." However, if you yourself begin to incorporate "summer" as a verb in your lexicon, be prepared for varied reactions. To the uninformed, it may seem perplexing or amusing. Yet for those privy to the clandestine language of the old money, your usage of "summer" will be recognized as an initiation into the nuanced realm of aristocracy. It's this linguistic slight of hand that separates the true custodians of wealth from the pretenders.
The world of old money is akin to a beautifully choreographed ballet with a profound focus on social cues and decorum. One such intriguing norm is the art of gracefully exiting a social interaction. Old money don't simply leave; they glide out of situations with subtlety and finesse, often aided by another participant in the conversation. Contrarily, the new money and other classes may not always pay heed to this nuanced dance of departure. These circles, perhaps not as deeply steeped in tradition, may overlook the graceful exit's value as a significant social art form. To flesh out this point, a common old money maneuver to make a graceful exit is to engage a trusted acquaintance in the process. It's an ingenious strategy, providing an elegant, unimpeachable reason to withdraw from the conversation. For instance, during a cocktail party, a patriarch might say, "Excuse me, I believe I see my old friend Charles. I must catch up with him." Or perhaps at a charity gala, an heiress might be rescued by a friend saying, "Darling, you must come and meet our new patrons." These seamless exits are quintessentially old money, exuding the kind of etiquette and social dexterity that have been honed and polished over generations. It's a silent symphony that continues to play out at the highest echelons of society.
The lingua franca of the old money contains a certain deviousness, especially when they refer to their travel experiences. Rarely would you hear them use a mundane term like "vacation." Instead, they sprinkle their conversation with phrases such as "when we were in," followed by the mention of an obscure city or a lesser-known region rather than a country or a larger area. This peculiar choice of words serves two distinct purposes. First, it subtly implies the listener's knowledge of these obscure locales, thereby ensuring they belong to a similar social stratum. Secondly, the phrase "when we were in" casually intimates that travel for them is not a rare indulgence, but a common occurrence, as natural as a change of season. The term "vacation" is thus neatly eschewed, as the old money sees globe-trotting as a standard element of their existence. To illustrate, one might hear, "When we were in St. Moritz, the lavender fields were absolutely mesmerizing." Or, "The last time we were in St. Barts, we discovered this quaint little café on the Rue de la République in Gustavia." Such phrases, casually tossed into the conversation, are indicative of the old money class's unique worldview and their familiarity with the globe's nooks and crannies. They're not merely globe-trotters; they are connoisseurs of the world.
Within the intricate machinery of high society, old money families often serve as the lubricant that keeps the wheels spinning smoothly. One key way they do this is by tactfully introducing individuals to one another, acting as matchmakers for brilliant minds, potential collaborators, or individuals with complementary interests. This calculated social maneuver isn't merely about being friendly or well-networked; it's a strategic play that subtly elevates their status. They become the vital link, the indispensable connector that drives exciting initiatives, partnerships, or alliances, further cementing their position within their circles. However, this behavior is not ubiquitous among the old money. There are times when such introductions are deliberately avoided. For those seeking to maintain a lower profile or are wary of others' intentions, excessive socializing might seem like inviting unwanted attention or risks. Yet, being a social connector is undoubtedly a refined move, more frequently observed among the elite. It is a symbol of their finesse in navigating social interactions, subtly enhancing their standing without appearing overly ambitious. To practice this art, one could, for instance, at a gallery opening, introduce a budding artist to a well-known curator, saying, "Emma, I'd love for you to meet Henry. His eye for emerging talent is unparalleled. Henry, Emma's work is truly visionary. I thought you two should meet." This small gesture subtly places you as a person of influence, aware of others' needs, and someone who can make things happen. Quintessentially, old money.
In the coded language of the old money, "the club" holds a significant position, vague to an outsider, but crystal clear to those within the circle. "The club" could refer to a country club, a golf club, a yacht club, or any other exclusive institution. The assumption, of course, is that the listener knows exactly which club is being referred to, subtly highlighting that both parties belong to the same exclusive community. This casual mention of "the club" speaks volumes about the shared understanding and unspoken bonds within these circles. It's an implicit acknowledgement of mutual membership to an elite group, subtly distinguishing them from the have-nots. To an untrained ear, this might seem innocuous, but to those in the know, it's a clear demarcation of privilege and belonging. It's a linguistic wink, a nudge that quietly asserts, "We belong to the same tribe." For instance, a lady might say, "We're dining at the club tonight." Or a gentleman might casually mention, "I bumped into William at the club." These seemingly ordinary statements, steeped in exclusivity, are a testament to their nuanced language, one that speaks volumes about belonging, privilege, and shared understanding—a language only deciphered by the old money.
The social finesse of old money often manifests in their ability to curate an eclectic mix of interesting people in one room. Acting as the puppet masters of a grand social mechanism, they carefully engineer gatherings that are more than mere parties; they're hotbeds of intellectual exchange, power dynamics, and understated influence. A notable example of this historical practice is Mrs. Astor and her famed "400" list. It was the epitome of high society in the late 19th century, consisting of the crème de la crème of New York society. The list was a who's who of the elite, from influential businessmen to celebrated artists. Each person carefully selected for their unique contributions to the societal tapestry. Fast forward to the 21st century, and this tradition continues among the upper echelons. In the world of old money, attending lavish galas, soirees, or even intimate dinners is more than a social event. These occasions are opportunities to mingle with a hand-picked assembly of interesting people, individuals who bring with them a certain charm, intellect, or influence. At these gatherings, one can expect to find renowned authors conversing with astute politicians, philanthropists discussing ideas with innovators, and artists sharing thoughts with captains of industry. It's a fascinating social dance choreographed by old money, demonstrating their understanding and control over the societal currents that shape our world.
Within the old money lexicon, as we've already seen, certain words carry a meaning quite distinct from their dictionary definitions. Another classic example is the term "cottage." While for most, a cottage might conjure images of a cozy, modest dwelling, within the elite circles, it bears a wholly different implication. In the parliament of the old money, a "cottage" often refers to a substantial second home, typically nestled in an enviable holiday hotspot. These cottages are seldom humble abodes; they're more likely sprawling estates or luxurious villas replete with every imaginable comfort. However, the understated term "cottage" is employed with a twinkle of self-effacing humor and a nod to tradition. This euphemistic use of "cottage" underscores the old money's knack for subtle communication, their innate desire for privacy, and perhaps a certain disdain for ostentatious display of wealth. It's not uncommon to hear a phrase like, "We're summering at our cottage in Newport this year," or, "Our family cottage in Mystique has the most beautiful sunsets." Such statements, laden with unassuming grandeur, epitomize the essence of old money: a deaf blending of wealth, exclusivity, and a timeless sense of discretion and understatement.
Within the intricate ballet of old money social interactions, a recurring behavior is the art of questioning without revealing too much. Often, old money individuals steer the conversation by asking well-placed questions, eliciting responses while subtly withholding personal information. Why this predilection for questioning? Firstly, it shifts the spotlight from themselves to the other party. This ensures that their personal lives remain private and reduces the risk of unintentional revelations. Secondly, it showcases their interest in others, creating a favorable impression without the need for self-promotion. And finally, by allowing others to talk more, they gather useful insights and information, arming them for future interactions. However, there are situations when the old money refrains from questioning. It could be due to a desire for anonymity, not wishing to engage in depth, or an attempt to maintain a level of distance. It could also be a strategic move in certain social or professional scenarios where withholding curiosity gives them an upper hand. Imagine, for example, a conversation at a charity event where an old money gentleman might ask, "How did you find yourself involved in this cause?" Or, "What are your thoughts on the recent changes in policy?" These questions are not intrusive, yet they offer insights into the other person's values and perspectives, all while keeping their own cards close to the chest. Thus, the art of questioning is a tool wielded deftly by old money, ensuring they remain in control always.
And lastly, contrary to the popular stereotype of the old money as aloof or dismissive, they often exude an assumption of goodwill. If you manage to gain access to their exclusive circles, you're already considered vetted, deserving of respect and acknowledgement. Behind the scenes of old money social dynamics is an elaborate system of vetting. It involves handlers, well-connected confidants, or professional social secretaries who are skilled in curating the composition of these exclusive circles. They ensure that those who gain access are of a certain caliber: people who are interesting, accomplished, and carry themselves with a degree of class. Given this pre-screening, old money individuals often assume that if you're in the room with them at a grand event, you must be of value. Consequently, they are usually courteous and engaging, acknowledging the inherent worth of your presence. To embody this mentality, consider two examples. First, at a professional conference, approach every interaction with the belief that each individual is a potential partner, collaborator, or friend. This perspective will make your conversations more respectful and engaging. Second, when hosting a dinner party, consider your guests already vetted due to their connection with you. Treat each one as a valuable addition to your event, making them feel appreciated and respected. Remember, old money is not just about wealth; it's a mindset, an attitude of grace, respect, and mutual recognition. By embracing this mentality, you can navigate your social and professional lives with a renewed sense of confidence and class.
Now, of course, when we say "old money," we don't mean the coins you found wedged in your sofa cushions. We're talking about venturing into the rarified world of the Rockefellers, the Rothschilds, and the Astors. These are families whose wealth has been passed down through the generations, creating a culture with its unique psychology. Getting to the heart of the matter, old money is not just about a bank balance brimming with zeros. It's about an attitude, a set of behaviors, a way of life that's almost alien in today's ostentatious, selfie-obsessed society, constantly flaunting their wealth for likes and retweets. This lot, the old money crowd, they have an entirely different approach to wealth and society. They're not into random flashy cars, colossal yachts, or diamond-encrusted watches. They value discretion, education, philanthropy, good manners, and long-term thinking. It's a tantalizingly unique perspective in our modern world driven by instant gratification and rampant consumerism. And that's precisely what we're going to dive into today: five psychological and behavioral patterns of these old money individuals that you yourself can also start using, regardless of income. Why? Because, ladies and gentlemen, there's a lot more to wealth than the green in your wallet. So, strap in because it's time to learn from the masters.
First off, let's talk about legacy and long-term thinking. For the old money clan, wealth isn't a fleeting concept, a one-off viral song on TikTok, or a VIP ticket to Coachella. Instead, it's a family heirloom, a treasured relic to be passed down with care generation after generation. Their mindset for long-term planning and wealth management is vigorous and precise. Their strategies are never short-sighted; instead, they're designed with a long-view telescope, always peering into the horizon. They don't ask, "What will make me rich?" They ponder, "What will keep my family secure for centuries?" It's all about protecting and growing the nest egg, ensuring the comfort of generations yet to come. This mentality even extends to how the old money clan views material possessions quite differently from the new money lot. For instance, while the latter might flaunt a Lamborghini today and a Bugatti tomorrow, old money savors the painstakingly crafted grace of a vintage Rolls-Royce, maintained over the years as a symbol of timeless quality rather than ephemeral prestige. The same ethos extends to their wardrobes. Rather than chasing each season's Gucci trends, old money prefers the enduring elegance of a Savile Row suit or a Chanel dress, appreciated more with each wear. It's not about being the loudest in the room, but investing in and preserving quality that truly stands the test of time. At the heart of this behavior lies a psychology that's future-oriented. You might argue it's a sort of survival instinct, a biological need to secure one's own. But it's more than that; it's a philosophy that values foresight, patience, and discipline. It's about planning for a future they may not live to see, but their grandkids will. It's about planting trees under whose shade they may never sit. But here's the good news: you don't need a Swiss bank account to think this way. In fact, let's give you some tips right here and right now. You don't need to splurge on a Rolls-Royce or a bespoke Savile suit. Think of buying a well-maintained pre-owned Lexus or higher-end Volvo instead of the latest new money gas guzzler. These brands are known for their reliability and longevity, offering excellent value for your hard-earned money. Clothing-wise, skip the flashy fast fashion labels. Invest in timeless styles from respectable brands like J. Crew or Ralph Lauren's middle-end offerings. Their clothes are known for good quality and classic design, which will save you money in the long run. The goal? Buy less, choose well. Issue flaunting wealth and instead focus on things that truly matter: personal growth, character development, and a stable future for your family. It's about making smart, enduring choices, not just for yourself, but for generations to come. Remember, wealth isn't just about what you have now, but also about what you're going to leave behind. It's not about the here and now; it's about the then and there. The question isn't, "What can I afford?" It's, "What can I sustain?"
Next on the agenda is the elegance of etiquette and the magnificence of manners. There's something about old money that exudes a level of decorum that's hard to overlook. They've got the good grace to hold their tongue when angry, the
right words at the tip of their tongue when they're called upon, and the good sense to use them at the right moment. It's not just about knowing which fork to use at a gala dinner. It's about showing respect and dignity in every interaction. Let's consider two hypothetical social scenarios to illustrate this point.
First, imagine attending a social event where someone accidentally spills a drink on your expensive outfit. A new money or classless individual might react in a passive aggressive manner or even with visible anger and subsequently embarrass the clumsy guest publicly. The old money response: they'd handle the situation with grace, downplaying the incident and ensuring the person who spilled the drink doesn't feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. The emphasis is on maintaining the dignity of the situation and showing empathy rather than reacting impulsively.
Second, consider a situation where someone makes an ignorant comment in a group conversation. A new money person might seize this as an opportunity to show off their knowledge, correcting the speaker in front of everyone, which could lead to humiliation. An old money individual, however, would subtly steer the conversation in a way that corrects the misinformation without blatantly calling out the person. They know that respect in conversation is about listening and understanding, not oneupping or belittling.
The wonderful thing about manners is they don't cost a penny. Anyone, regardless of their bank balance, can adopt good manners and etiquette as part of their character. Good manners are a reflection of personal respect and sound upbringing, not wealth. And even better, numerous studies have shown that individuals with good manners are more likely to be perceived positively, make friends easily, and succeed professionally. You see, etiquette and manners can open doors that even money can't.
But why is it so? Good manners are an indicator of social intelligence. They show that a person is aware of societal norms, can adjust their behavior to different social contexts, and respects the feelings and experiences of others. These qualities are universally valued regardless of culture or social status. So my friends, lesson number two from the old money behavior playbook is this. Embrace the power of etiquette and good manners. Make grace, tact, and politeness the currency of your interactions. Because believe me, nothing says class louder than good manners, and nothing screams vulgarity quite like its absence.
Rolling into the third principle, we've got discrete success. Now, this is an intriguing one. In this social media frenzied era where every iota of success, be it a new car, a vacation, or a pricey pair of shoes, is plastered online for all to see, old money offers a palpable difference. They are the keepers of a very different philosophy: understated wealth and quiet success. They often downplay their riches, and their successes are seldom the fodder for flashy headlines. You won't catch them flaunting a new jet or a diamond-studded necklace on Instagram. No, they prefer to live their lives away from the glaring public eye.
Take the example of the famously reclusive Gettys or the ultradiscrete Rothschilds. They're known to keep a low profile despite their immense wealth, keeping the media circus at arm's length. Their lives don't revolve around keeping up with the Joneses or flexing their riches. Instead, they cherish privacy, discretion, and subtlety.
The psychology behind this behavior is multifaceted. On one hand, it's a desire for privacy, a sanctuary away from public scrutiny. On the other, it's an understanding that wealth doesn't define a person's worth or character. They believe in substance over show, in genuine connections over superficial acclaim. This philosophy is a breath of fresh air, isn't it? And it's something any one of us can adopt regardless of our bank statement. We can all embrace a life where we value our achievements, but we don't use them as a yardstick to measure our worth.
Consider social media, an arena often used to showcase wealth and success. A new money individual might primarily post pictures of the times they traveled to exotic locations, plastering a #takemeback hashtag under their recent trip to Bali or the Amalfi Coast. An old money individual, however, may use their platform to share pictures of them attending a recent charity event or building homes for the less fortunate in the savannah. Wealth is present, but it's discreetly woven into the fabric of their more meaningful pursuits. To adopt this old money elegance, consider sharing more about what enriches you as a person rather than your material acquisitions.
At social gatherings, a new money person might boast about that same recent first-class trip to an exotic location or their latest luxury purchase. The old money crowd, on the other hand, engages in conversation that enriches the intellect and spirit. They might discuss a recent documentary they found enlightening or a local art exhibit. The focus is shifted from possessions and trips as status symbols to ideas and experiences that broaden horizons.
Here's the truth. Success is personal and doesn't need an audience. It's not about how others perceive us. It's about how we perceive ourselves. So, in an age where everything is broadcast, let's learn from old money and celebrate success discreetly.
Next in line, we have a behavior that's both noble and noteworthy: the old money's sense of giving back or philanthropy. They may be tight-lipped about their wealth, but when it comes to charitable deeds, they're as open-handed as they come. Of course, we'd be lying to you if we said that the tax write-offs or photo ops don't help push the needle on this one, but always remember many old money family members are discreet and do not even mention to others that they give back. Philanthropy isn't all about Bill and Melinda Gates foundations or giving back pledges.
Now, let's look back at history: the Rockefellers, the Fords, the Carnegies. These names not only echo wealth but also the vast philanthropic endeavors they've undertaken. Their charitable foundations continue to support a myriad of causes from education, arts, and culture to environment, science, and health. It's not about throwing money at problems. It's about strategically investing in long-term solutions.
But why such an urge to give back? It stems from an awareness of their privilege and a strong sense of stewardship. There's a sense of satisfaction, a psychological reward that comes from giving. It's about creating a legacy that impacts society positively, making the world a bit better than they found it.
But here's the thing: philanthropy isn't a privilege of the wealthy. All of us can embrace the spirit of giving, regardless of our financial standing. Maybe you can't endow a university or fund a hospital, but there are countless other ways to give back. Got a couple of free hours a week? Volunteer at a local shelter. Got skills? Offer your services to a nonprofit that could use your expertise. Even a small financial donation within your means can make a difference to someone in need. Remember, it's not about the size of your contribution. It's about the consistent act of giving. So, let's take a leaf out of the old money book, shall we? Let's think about how we can make a difference because you don't need to be wealthy to be generous.
Last, but certainly not least, we delve into the realm of education and intellectual pursuits. If there's anything old money values as much as their wealth, it's their knowledge. They consider education not as a mere stepping stone to a job, but a lifelong pursuit, an essential part of their personal and character development. For these families, it's not just about securing degrees from Ivy League schools. It's about being well-read, well-informed, well-versed in the arts and sciences, politics and culture, history and philosophy.
And this emphasis on education and intellectual growth isn't just for show. It's a long-term strategic move. A well-rounded education equips them to navigate the complexities of the world, to make informed decisions, to sustain their wealth, and contribute meaningfully to society. This behavior deeply influences their choices and lifestyles. They're more likely to have a well-stocked library than a fleet of supercars, more likely to attend a lecture than a red carpet event. It's about nourishing the mind, not feeding the ego.
Now, here's where the rubber meets the road. This is a principle that anyone can and everyone should embrace regardless of their financial standing. Prioritize education not just in terms of degrees and qualifications, but as a means of personal growth. Switch off the latest drama-filled podcasts and opt for an Audible membership to finally finish off that intellectually stimulating book. Start a journaling practice, even if it's just for 5 minutes a day. Stay curious. Read widely. Remember, knowledge is a wealth that no one can take from you. It's a resource that multiplies when shared, not diminishes. So, invest in your intellectual pursuits. In the age of information, ignorance is a choice. After all, wealth may open doors, but it's knowledge that paves the path to success and fulfillment.
So, you've spent your entire life wondering why some people have, as we like to say, class and others don't, regardless of which of the two has the most money. Indeed, someone can have a very large bank account and overcompensate for it as if they were poor. These are the oft-cited new money behaviors. Conversely, someone can have less money in the bank than our nouveau riche friend and carry themselves with a much higher level of dignity, restraint, and refinement than their finances suggest. Those are most commonly known as old money behaviors.
As the writer George Orwell himself noted, "Economically, no doubt there are only two classes, the rich and the poor, but socially there is a whole hierarchy of classes, and the manners and traditions learned by each class in childhood generally persist from birth to death. It is very difficult to escape culturally from the class into which you have been born."
Thus, in today's video at Old Money Luxury, we'll provide you with three secret conversation signs that nobody tells you about that indicate whether someone has old money behavior or new money behavior. Many of these signs will be subtle, and you may feel even some light bulbs go off in your head as you look back at your life and we discuss these topics. For as the author Paul Fussell said in his iconic work that inspired this video, *Class: A Guide Through the American Status System*, "When you look at a person, you don't see Roman Catholic or liberal. You see hand-painted necktie or crappy polyester shirt." You hear parameters or in regards to individuals.
Reactions to discussions about social class can reveal much about their own perceived position within the social hierarchy. The emotions evoked by the topic of status may range from annoyance to anxiety or even indifference, depending on one's social class. Middle-class individuals, or those who fall into the new money category, often feel anxious when social class is discussed, as they are acutely aware of their position and may be concerned about maintaining their newfound status. This heightened sensitivity to social class may be attributed to their recent ascent and the desire to solidify their standing.
A prime example of this is Rose's mother in the 1997 film *Titanic*. Throughout the film, she's portrayed as a woman concerned about her family's dwindling fortune due to mounting debts. She views Rose's marriage to Cal Hawkley, legendarily played by Billy Zayn, as an opportunity to secure their place among the elite. When Leonardo DiCaprio's Jack Dawson, a character of a lower social standing, enters the picture, Rose's mother becomes agitated. She perceives any threat to her daughter's advantageous marriage as, as the film says, "a bug that must be squashed." This is most evident in the dinner scene when Jack shares his life story to a table of old money multi-millionaires. As Dawson speaks, Rose's mother looks at him with fear and disgust, angrily asking if he really finds such a lifestyle appealing.
>> "And where exactly do you live, Mr. Dawson?"
>> "Well, right now my address is the RMS Titanic. After that, I'm on God's Good Humor."
>> "And how is it you have means to travel?"
>> "I work my way from place to place."
>> "And you find that sort of rootless existence appealing, do you?"
In contrast, the higher rungs of society in the film are much less anxious about their social standing. This is exemplified by the reaction of the upper-class characters such as John Jacob Astor IV and Archibald Gracie to Jack Dawson at the same dinner table. They cheerfully greet Jack, inquire about his life, and even support his speech about making one's own luck.
Working-class individuals, on the other hand, accepting of the fact they are unlikely to reach the upper crusts, often view the entire concept of social hierarchies as a joke and find the class anxiety of the middle class amusing. Interestingly, in this, they might have more in common with the highest echelons of society than the middle classes with regard to their lack of concern about social class. An excellent example of this is the career of Bill Burr, who, while having grown up firmly in the middle class in the suburbs of Boston, has made a career out of lampooning both the upper classes and new money global elite, positioning himself as a voice of the working classes of America.
"There's a guy from Nestle that doesn't think water is a human right. Can we do something about this guy? He's at Nestle. You're supposed to be happy. It's like making cocoa for people. This guy's like going, 'Well, people are running out of water. What if we owned all the water?' That's how you picture the guy talking. I want to own the water. I want to have it underneath my house."
Both groups, old money and the lower rungs of the working class, spend little to no time worrying about their position in the social hierarchy, as their status is relatively fixed and secure. Additionally, when discussing social class, an individual's perception of the factors that contribute to it can reveal much about their own social standing. Lower-class individuals often believe that class is determined primarily by wealth, while middle-class or new money individuals acknowledge the role of money, but also emphasize the importance of education and occupation. As we'll show in a minute in secret number three, this second part is why the constant focus on college, education, and degrees is strongly correlated with middle-class behavior. In contrast, upper-class or old money individuals tend to focus on aspects such as taste, values, ideas, style, and behavior as the true indicators of social class, dismissing the importance of money, occupation, or education.
For instance, when President John F. Kennedy first saw Richard Nixon on television, he is said to have turned to his friends and said aloud, "This guy has no class." Kennedy was not referring to Nixon's financial status. He was talking about a set of status-anxious attitudes and behaviors that the working-class-raised Nixon exhibited, as opposed to the son of massive generational wealth that Kennedy was. Thus, old money individuals can be quite relaxed and unself-conscious, as they do not worry about choosing the right status symbols. They feel free to express themselves without the fear of shame, which is predominantly a feeling experienced by the middle class or new money individuals.
However, there is a subtle art to self-expression that is exhibited by old money individuals. So subtle, in fact, that it can even extend to the paying and receiving of compliments. In this realm, the middle class and old money upper class exhibit distinct differences in social behavior. The middle class often engages in the exchange of compliments as they seek reassurance and validation. However, the old money upper class is more private, understated, and generally averse to showiness, including the showy behavior of paying and receiving verbal compliments.
The new money anxiety around compliments is excellently exhibited by the character Cousin Greg on the television series *Succession*, who constantly displays an awkward demeanor in conversations when trying to pay compliments or when he's attempting to fish for compliments.
>> "But um, if I could, if he if he was willing to give his seat to someone who could learn the ropes running a theme park, say, just a little guy learning, you know, I mean, could that be you? Scratch my back? I I'm not going to say I could scratch yours. It would it would be too considerable of a space. But is there an angle there?"
Perhaps Greg's lack of ease in such social situations clearly demonstrates his struggle with understanding the subtleties of old money etiquette and expectations. For the old money upper class, there is an inherent understanding of one's value, making compliments unnecessary. There's an old story that demonstrates this that tells of a British aristocrat who reacted with outrage when an artistic young guest praised his fine set of Hepplewhite chairs. The aristocrat had the guest promptly removed, citing "the damned cheek of the fellow for actually praising his belongings out loud."
Instead of offering compliments, members of the upper class may demonstrate their approval through nuanced gestures or quiet support. For instance, they might extend an invitation to an exclusive event or discreetly offer assistance in a time of need. Such actions reflect their understanding that true appreciation and respect can be conveyed without resorting to overt flattery. For example, when dining among the highest rungs of society, it is often considered uncouth to overtly praise the food. The hostess is expected to serve only the finest fare, rendering compliments superfluous. Furthermore, since the hostess is unlikely to have cooked the meal herself, complimenting the food would be misplaced.
The old money upper class values discretion and subtlety in social interactions. They eschew grand gestures or ostentatious displays of wealth, believing that such behavior is crass and distasteful. This preference for understatement also extends to their communication style, where they prioritize modesty and reserve over effusive praise.
And of course, quite naturally, that same penchant for understatement would extend to one of the most consequential lines of demarcation in the American social system: education. In a society without a hereditary class system or titles conferred by royalty, Americans have had to rely heavily on their college and university hierarchy for snobbery and status. With limited options for prestige, even fairly undistinguished colleges are revered, and institutions often try to elevate their status by associating with the world of academia. Universities and colleges have managed to remain relatively immune to criticism, contributing to a sense of prestige and respect. However, this reverence for the higher education system has led to a class sensitivity regarding where individuals attended college. Constantly name-dropping one's college or even admitting where one went to college can be seen as a middle-class or new money effort to assert status within this hierarchy. In fact, it is quite common to hear old money graduates of Harvard to simply say they went to college in Massachusetts or at most Boston, rather than the more overt "in Cambridge, Massachusetts" or, of course, saying the actual name, Harvard.
It is important to recognize that the significance placed on college discussions and rankings is a reflection of the American quest for status and respectability, particularly among the middle class or new money individuals. The sensitivity surrounding college reputation and the compulsion to name-drop or reveal one's alma mater is indicative of a preoccupation with asserting one's position within the ever-changing landscape of social standing. In contrast, old money elites may place less emphasis on these distinctions, as their social standing is often more secure and less dependent on the perceived prestige of their educational background.