Transcription
The literature states that this style develops when caregivers are consistently unavailable and the infant learns that distressed needs will not be met. They're not going to get what they need.
I see this as a clever strategy that I think is rooted in escape and escaping overwhelm and possibility, like an unbearable or intrusive family system. Or they were raised in a very shut down, unempathic, or transactional family system. No affection, no connection, no emotional heart.
The narcissistic parent could have been dismissive avoidant themselves, or approached their parental role from barely, barely a half-hearted commitment to their job. I also see them as potentially keeping themselves safe from invasion of crazy. Or they were never modeled authentic heart connection and they are just unconsciously like freaked out by connection. They can also appear cold and somewhat narcissistic themselves, but it's like that concept of like fleas in the NPD recovery.