Transcription
But it's crazy when you really think about it. There are adults out there stressed out because they're worried about reptilians from space who live in tunnels beneath us, who mate with our political leaders and create these weird bloodlines to control our thoughts from the Moon Matrix. There's somebody in a cubicle right now going, "Goddamn lizards!"
[Music]
When I first found out about it, I thought it was a joke. And I watched the videos, I was laughing. And then I read the comments underneath and I thought it would just be comment after comment of stuff like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here, it's crazy." No, comment after comment of like, "Thank you for being brave enough to speak the truth. #woke as [ __ ]." It's a real belief. It amazed me about the internet. No matter how crazy the video is, there are believers in the comment section. No matter how extreme. You know, just some guy ran, just like, "I'm stuck at the Rothschilds taking their blood pedophile money and using it for their Agenda 21 extermination program." Okay, it's Bohemian Grove, they mean about it. Every year they have the rituals. It's on tape. Okay, listen, the Bilderbergers, just looking like the pizzas are there. Wake up, sheeple. It's the Freemasons working with the Knights Templar, Priory of Scion. Connect the dots. Okay, Mona Lisa, do the math. The Grays, Area 51, they coordinate everything. All roads lead to the Denver Airport.
[Applause]
We don't have to worry about lizard people. We do have to worry about people who worry about lizard people. They're not kidding. You know, they're raising kids and they're voting. That's terrifying. Sometimes ignorance is scary. Sometimes it's just irritating. People doing little things throughout the day that I feel like if they would just think about what they were doing, they would stop needlessly stressing the rest of us out with their actions. Here's one of many examples I could use. Getting out of an elevator should never be stressful. It should always be carefree and easy. But it's not. Because for reasons I will never understand, there's a sizable percentage of the population that doesn't want to think about how it's much easier to get into a small confined space if you first let others out. To just wait two seconds. That's all.
[Applause]
I would think like, "Why are you barging in immediately? You can't be right here if I'm already right here. That's not how space works, my friend." I feel like the person who does that is also the person who has merging onto the freeway confused, the on-ramp, never looking left and hoping [ __ ] works out.
[Applause]
[Music]
I feel like we get a lot of needless stress from stupid questions. I don't like the phrase, "There's no such thing as a stupid question." Thank you.
[Music]