Transcription
So here in Latin America, I've met a lot of expat couples, like older couples. Let's call them kind of post-children couples, right? And a lot of single men and women also in that age range. Again, expats traveling around or relocating or have you. And I often wonder how the [ __ ] do people stay married, right?
Now in this video, I'm going to tell you one personality trait that I've noticed is in almost every single divorced person that I've met versus the people who are still married but don't have this personality trait. And this isn't a 100% strike rate, right? But it's a pretty good bloody way to pick. Like I reckon if I met any man or any woman and I spoke to them for say half an hour one-on-one, I could say with 80% accuracy if they're divorced or not. Not from the stories they tell or referring to my partner, blah blah blah, but I'm talking about just the way they engage, yeah?
Unfortunately, we live in this era where I think that expectations on both men and women are entirely unreasonable and unrealistic. So instead of just having them be a decent person who can play the role in the family, they now have to be the best friend, the lover, the blah blah blah, the the compassionate, the this, the that, uh business partner, [ __ ] you name it, right? Like it's just a a list of what a man or woman has to be to be satisfactory and it's entirely unreasonable and entirely unrealistic.
But I do notice a lot of these older couples that are together are pretty happy. Like they're actually pretty good. Like you don't sense that snarky underlying tension they often do in in some couples. Now I'm actually in Asunción, Paraguay just now and I'm going to meet uh an older couple that I know, that I really like. Um they're from Australia and I met the lady um just by accident. I was in Dulce Sol and I heard her yakking away on the phone with a very crisp Aussie accent. I'm like, "Fucking hell, mate. I like your accent. Where'd where did it from?" And then we just had a bit of a chat and yeah, you do that thing where you swap numbers with people, but then because you don't really know each other, no one ever follows up on it, right? And I don't even know how we bumped into each other. It must have just been I can't remember. Maybe in a shopping center again or in the gym or I I don't remember. Anyway, that happened and then I reckon maybe the third time I bumped into her, I met her husband. And her husband, as it turns out now that I know them a lot better, is a really good guy as well. Like both her and her husband are really good people. Like they're just genuine, engaging, just sensible, high-quality people. I also met two of their adult children that were here and they were similar. They were just, you know, well-adjusted, well-raised, good good guys, you know?
And I've noticed this more and more outside of my like handful of younger male friends, um of which there's an abundance of here, that I'm hanging out more and more with older couples. And I'm like, how the [ __ ] did this happen? And the pattern just keeps repeating. And I've realized what it is. I've realized there's a big gap in personality types between people who are married and people who aren't. Again, this isn't entirely foolproof, but I'd say it applies to 80% of divorces, both men and women, because there's actually a lot of older Western single women here in Latin America, in Paraguay, where I am now. Um there's quite a lot. Like I've probably met seven or eight older women who are here on their own. Kind of When I say older, I'm saying again, post-divorce, post-children, probably 60-ish, something like that, right? Um and of course men, well, there's [ __ ] heaps of those around of that demographic as well, right?
And I kind of notice that the ones that are married engage better. They listen more. They they tune in and you have this kind of mutual conversation. Um not always, but again, I would say around of the married people, you know, 50-60% are like this, maybe 70%. Whereas people who are divorced, especially divorced multiple times, I would say only 10 or 20% of people are like that, yeah. Um they're mainly kind of people who rant, who talk at you, who don't really listen to what you're saying. Um they just want to give their opinion on something. And they're just like a bit of a radio. You know what I mean? Like conversation's kind of one-way. They don't really know how to listen. They're kind of lacking empathy. Again, ranting, nagging, this kind of behavior. And it's really really [ __ ] obvious to me that if you want a decent marriage, the main thing is just getting two people that are just reasonable, that listen, that engage, that are mature, and sensible. If you have that, that's 90% 90% of the battle won.
Cuz again, what I'm saying, including with women, is that um they're just kind of abrasive, a bit self-absorbed. Um this is the divorced people, yeah. Again, not always, but probably 80%, like a lot. Um they're not really able to engage or listen. They don't know how to have a conversation properly. They don't know how to play the passive in a conversation. They don't know how to engage and develop an idea. They're much more likely to just tell you their opinion and rant, and not pick up that you're not that interested in the conversation. They can see that social IQ tends to be a lot lower. Now, I know I'm making broad generalizations, and not everyone's like that, and blah blah blah blah blah, but [ __ ] hell, it's a strong trend I've noticed. A really strong trend I've noticed. And what I like about getting data like this uh up close and personal is that as you're gathering it, you can kind of ponder the world a little bit and you can think gee, there's something in that. Yeah, there's really something in that. And I I even reflect in my own life of of uh you know, parents, uncles, aunties, friends, parents, friends, blah blah blah blah blah and it's kind of a similar pattern actually. The people who are together just tend to be better at listening and engaging and talking and just connecting socially, right?
Now, of course when people are a ranter or they're just a yakker and they don't really engage I mean, there could be a whole lot of [ __ ] causing it, right? Like, it could just be that they just feel lonely, they don't feel heard, they just highly narcissistic. It could be all these things and and often multiple things together, you know? So, there's not necessarily one thing causing this, but again, quite clearly when you have this outward symptom again, this is super highly correlated uh with divorce.
So, I think uh you know, if you're not married and you're watching this and you've got a laundry list of items you know, the the stereotype of the the girl wants a 6-ft guy with a six-pack, the six figures, the six something else. Oh yeah, the schlong, 6-ft uh 6-in schlong. Um that meme kind of died now, but that was big you know, 4-5 years ago. Um >> [clears throat] >> or if you're a guy that's kind of trying to be again, a bit unrealistic, right? Like, just mathematically unrealistic. Like, you want a girl who's in the top 20%. You want it to be under 23. You want it to be fun, engaging, intelligent and and single and just waiting for you, right? Like, mathematically not really realistic. So, if you're like that I would really encourage you to look primarily at what I've seen in uh a lot of people who are married. And again, that is that bit more of a social IQ ability to ability to talk, listen, um play the passive, evolve ideas together, and stay on track, not just hear a keyword in the conversation and start ranting about something, but actually engage in the idea and what you're actually talking about. I think that uh if you have that, um honestly, in this day and age, where narcissism is on the rise, people are becoming more self-absorbed, we're being trained to be more individualistic and be concerned about our own short-term instant gratification. If you can just get that in a person, that's probably 90% of the battle, mate, honestly.
So, anyway, just some thoughts. I I've been thinking about this for a while, so I picked up this pattern a few months ago that I've been meaning to make this video, but I haven't got around to it. Um but I'd love to hear your thoughts. I know this is a video where people will resonate with it a little bit, what they've seen, maybe your own parents, or maybe you, maybe your ex-wife or ex-husband. Um or exes. So, I've noticed that when people have multiple exes, that they get really complicated, quite frankly. Um again, it's a pattern. Not hating. Sorry if you're divorced four times, but if you are, you know, there's something going on, mate, you know? And it's probably what I'm saying.