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[Music] [Music] she emerged from within [Music] me like a goddess from [Music] water. She filled her lungs with new air with a sigh that meant [Music] everything: relief, rebirth, relief. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became whole. She lives in me. She saved me. She is me. [Music] [Music] Gorgeous goddesses from all over the world. It is the morning here where I am, and it is snowing heavily, and it feels romantic and beautiful. And I have some questions for you. I want to know how the alpha communication modules, or how the alpha communication module, hit for you. Who here has practiced or tried to write out an alpha communication? And what did you take from that? What did you learn from that? What happened when you wrote it? And I'm actually willing to take someone up with their hands up if there's someone who's got a story or something they'd like to share with the group. Tammy and Lynn, we'll do both. So we'll start with Tammy. M. Joyce, if it's possible to get. Hi, I'm like, literally in my jammies, haven't washed my face. Let me at least turn my lights on. I wasn't planning on this. Good morning. You're getting me in the raw. I love it. Uh, it was a sleeping morning this morning, much needed. So, um, I said I have, and I wanted to continue typing what it was, more writing it out for me. And, um, not an actual, you know, practice yet in person. But what it did for me was brought up, in particular, in the last few years, but many conversations that could have gone so differently had I had this skill set. And I considered myself someone with a lot of personal growth and development, really good communication skills, my heart's in the right place, very strong boundaries, all the things I teach, so many things. But this technique, strategy, whatever you want to call it, for communication is just a whole other league. So I found myself reworking some really important conversations that have taken place, imagining sometimes there might have been a different outcome, let's put it that way, had I had this skill set. Okay, this is huge. I have a question for you. In the communications that came to your mind that could have gone differently, who were they with? Mostly, were they with, with friends, uh, partner, parents, employees? Like, where, where did you notice that maybe you might get triggered the most in communication? Um, there's one relationship that really stands out in that. So my, it's not my partner. He and I have, I'm very blessed in, in my relationship with my husband. Um, I, I, my best friend who hasn't really been a best friend for a lot of years. We've been on different paths for a long time. But that relationship, um, came to an end, absolutely last January. And as I've worked, like, I'm still processing the feelings. It was a 40-year friendship. She was like my sister. I love her dearly. Um, and I walked away in 2013, and I went back, sort of. She's still in my country, which has enabled me to, to keep some degree of connection because we are worlds, we are not 15 anymore, we're not 25 anymore. And we have been, I've been on a growth and healing and recovery path for 25 years or more, and she has not. Okay. And it has made for very, very, um, it's been, it's been a difficult relationship. So that's the one really. Like, there's others, but that's the big one because it's now over a year since I ended that relationship with finality. And, and although I don't have any regrets, I can't say I have peace in my heart about it. My heart still hurts. So daily, I, I choose forgiveness, and daily, they, to varying degrees, but it still feels like it's daily, a year later, I grapple with the feelings around that because I, I deeply love this person. Yeah. Do you feel like in the communication you had with her, although you don't regret the end of the friendship, she, you may have taken all the love out with you? I chose to do it in writing because I have learned that sometimes that's the best way. Although it's not always the best way, sometimes that's the, in terms of depending on who you're dealing with and, you know, just having that buffer and being able to really consciously choose your words with care. Um, and there's so much more I could have said that would have been hurtful or mean, as true as it was, that I did not. So no, I don't feel like I left the love out. I feel like I, I finally said what needed to be said. And part of me feels like I should have walked away from that friendship in 1991, but I didn't, from a place of love. Yeah. And, you know, so it's, it's, it's however the point being, had I had alpha communication and I had some practice with that and I stuck to that flow, she still would have been her, but it wouldn't be a year plus, and the, and the year plus later of the feelings. Melanie, isn't that I regret anything I've said? Because I've, I've gone over, every few months, I'll go back and read the whole conversation and I'm like, nope, I'm good. Yeah. Like, I'm good. I, I kept it clean. It was what needed to be said. It was classy. It was truthful. Um, I told her I, I would always love her. Um, but, you know, I was just, one, one last time, like, so hurt and disappointed and disgusted that I'm like, done. And I actually wasn't done when I opened the communication. It was her response as the conversation went on that led me, that brought me to a place where like, I'm just, I'm finished now. Yeah. All the best to you. So, and I'll never know if I had had alpha communication where we would be today. We're still two very different people. There's still all of her unresolved stuff, you know, that that gets in the way. And maybe some of mine too, you know, as I look at the, you know, for all the wounded inner child healing and recovery that I've done and I teach, baby goddess still alive and well. So you've got me looking at all of that in a whole new light, right? Well, thank you for your vulnerability and thank you for sharing what you shared. Um, I want to, I want to say to the group, because I think this is quite important, the part where it's like, it's, I was not sure I was going to end the relationship when I started the communication, but in the way that the person continued the communication, that's how the relationship ended. And so, yes, for sure, if Tammy would have had alpha communication skills, maybe it would have gone differently. But what if her friend would have had alpha communication skills? What if she had been able to receive Tammy's communication and said, you know, let me sit with this because I can't respond to you because I don't know what I want to say in return. Like, thank you for sharing this with me. Let me sit with this. I'll get back to you. And what if she had delivered an alpha communication? That have been a different world. And so it's like, sometimes we, in the middle of a conflict, handle ourselves so, so stressfully or so poorly, for lack of a better word, that in a conversation that was angled for some sort of resolution, we end up creating sabotage and it ends up ending the relationship. That's absolutely what happened. But she has zero personal growth and development. And I mean, that sounds harsh, but it like, it's not, don't value it. That's all. It's not her jam. And she's very triggered by me that it is my jam. And has been for a long time. Zero healing and recovery. Admits that she needs it. Um, and I won't go any further because obviously the list, you know, the list can be long in a, in a 40-plus year sister-like best friendship. But, um, I've really taken my own inventory. The, the bottom line is she doesn't have any of the tools. Um, and that has been the challenge of the friendship, especially since I really committed to deep personal growth, healing, and all the things that have taken us in very different directions. And it's very triggering for her. I teach what she needs, and she won't, she didn't, she, she failed to admit that she knew that I even had a YouTube channel at when I was sitting at 300,000 subscribers. Oh, I didn't even know my best friend, but sounds like got us. I didn't know. Oh, like, it's, it's next level stuff. So it's, it's just, you know, coming to, it's, it's interesting because I do better. Unless I, I haven't really talked about it since it all went down. So I'm feeling the feelings, you know, for sure. Um, it's just, it's just, it's just interesting how long it's taking me to process the feelings around this. But I really do feel like my side of the street is clean. Yeah. And even just taking yourself through the alpha communication steps, even though you, you won't talk to her, it's wild, but it actually does dismantle something. So keep going through it, even, even as a communication. Like, if someone has someone that's passed, or someone that you know, like, cannot come back into your life, it's not a question of that, but you can take yourself through the alpha communication backwards and process it for yourself. And it does untangle a lot of energy. That's a really good idea. Thank you. Because I, because I've done that with people who have passed, and it does work. Um, and that's a really good idea to use the alpha communication in the same way. Higher self to higher self. And whether that changes the dynamic in any way energetically, it will have a positive effect on me being able to process my feelings more. And it's not like I haven't processed them, believe me. It's a year plus later, but there's still stuff there. Yes. So very, very good idea. Thank you. It's my pleasure. Thanks for sharing. You're welcome. Okay, Lynn, come on up. Good morning. Good morning. Um, do you remember the movie Lilo and Stitch? It was a Disney movie. So when that movie came out, I had nine friends who came to me and went, oh my God, you're Lilo. And it wasn't until I watched the module again recently that I was like, that Lilo is the epitome of the baby goddess. And that's just how I interacted with life. And that's changed over these past five years. So I have a business partner, and we lead a class of 20, almost 30 students together. And, um, there was an interaction with one of the students that was very painful for me and triggered my baby goddess. And my partner came to me and she's like, she's defending the woman that I'm like, that I want to kill. So I was like, all right, I got to, I got to look at this thing differently. I literally was so mad at the girl that I took her out of the group. And my partner came to me and she's like, did you just take her out of the group? I did. And she's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm not. And, and then she, like, so I had to look at the long-term vision of like, what the joy and the happiness that I want for all of this. And who I had to do the alpha communication with was my, my baby goddess. You know, I love that. It was Melanie. It was because I was like, what do we really want? And she's like, I just want to be right. And I'm like, I know you do, but really, what do we want? And she's like, we really want to teach people. Like, I, you, I sent you this message last night. All of a sudden, I felt sad. And I'm like, Melanie said, cry for seven minutes. And I was like, okay, I went all in. I have like, this ball of tissues. It was like, I used 17 tissues just snotting and crying. And it was just all the pain that my baby goddess. So who I had the alpha communication with was my baby goddess. That is so powerful. I've never heard, I've never heard that before. And I love it so much. Much note to self in this program, you can have an alpha communication with your baby goddess. Oh my gosh, I love that. Lynn, thank you for sharing this. You're welcome. All that she wanted was to be heard and to be felt, you know, and it was just, it was one of the most glorious experiences. So thank you for this, Melanie. I literally have the alpha communication, a screenshot of it, as my screen saver on my phone. Because when I was, uh, 18, and I did the S training, which became Landmark Forum, Ward used to give these little brown books that was called The Book of Aphorisms. And one of them is, love is a function of communication. And that has been the cornerstone of what it is that I teach and how it is that I lead. And why I love to talk so much because it's like, I just want to gush love on everybody. But it's got to come from a place that's not the Lilo. Sometimes I'm Lilo, and sometimes I'm Stitch. And, you know, sometimes I'm, you know, a goddess. But I just wanted to say thank you so much for this. I love you. I love you. And for the group, like, this is such a beautiful idea to, to have a conversation with your baby goddess. Because at the end of the day, no one can really listen to our baby goddess. And it makes sense as a grown-up, you know, if you have a coach, you have a mentor that understands this work, sure. But even if you, like, presented yourself in full baby goddess to a person, they'd be like, okay, but that's not what happened. You know, like, it's so hard for people to, to witness us in our full motion when the logic is like, that's not it, that's not what happened. And so the only person who can really see a baby goddess exactly in her, in her right to be sad, and all that it means for her, and all the things it brings back, and all the memories that it's connected to, it's you. So what a brilliant idea. Thank you so much, Lynn. Thank you. Listen, I have, oh, okay. All right. We have a couple more people with our hands up, and I'm feeling it. So Sida, is it Sida? Or? Okay, come on up. It's SAA. Oh my God, I'm so excited. I dressed up today for work. This is an alpha communication that I had in my heart with my ex. So my ex came back into my life just a few months ago out of, when we were no contact. But he's in my community, and we started running into each other all the time. So I think, and we, we're trying to be friends. And, um, I went to Karachi, Pakistan, and he was there. We dated a bunch of times. Right now, what I'm finding is that it's a very tricky friendship. And some of the relationship problems we had are coming back in, like how much to text or call each other. And he still has a problem with, I, I'm pretty passionate, and he's like, a very closed out person emotionally. So he'll say stuff to me like, you were crying on your last night. That was so absurd. And I have to be like, hey, I was fatigued. I was leaving my family behind. I was leaving you behind. That's it. It was emotional. Um, stuff like that. So I would like him to be less judgmental and accepted. But also, like, he, I prefer calls, and he likes text. But when we text, he gets overwhelmed, and then he gets like, really angry and anxious and like, critical, and he says mean things. And when, when he says mean things, when anybody says mean things, I now, I'm 41, start feeling physically ill. So normally, when I talk to him, I'm always like, listen, like I used to say, I love you. I don't anymore. But I love spending time with, with you. And I, you know, said certain things because I missed you. And so, you know, I sent, I nudged you because I was really missing you. Um, but, and I would love to have a successful friendship. But I would love us to have calls. Like, I would, I would love us to have win-win solutions so that we're, we can have a successful friendship. But I would like you to initiate so that I'm not overwhelming you with texts and stuff. But I also need to acknowledge that I was really, really hurt by a few things he said. And we somehow started talking, it, it turned into a normal conversation, and then he was nice later. But I, I feel like I'm not mad at people when they're with me. I get hurt later. So I, I think I want to have an alpha communication with him that where I can say, hey, I'm really afraid that if I bring this topic up, you'll either run away, um, like he has in the past, or he'll say critical, mean things, or yes, something will change in our friendship. But I would love to feel safe with you again in expressing myself. That is ultimately what I want. And I wanted to know, like, what your thoughts are about leading with this fear. Well, I want to ask you a question. Sure. Do you think he even feels safe feeling his own feelings with himself? No. He is a very shutdown person. He, he feels safe expressing a lot of things to his family and friends. Friends, like I've seen him be intense and emotional with them. But in intimate relationships, he's not like that. So how can you ask him to do that for you? I don't know. But then the question is, I can't be friends with somebody who is unhealthy with emotions and who might damage me. But I'm trying to find a middle way where we can sustain this. Because he can also, super. Question. Yes. Why do you want to be friends? Because I think there's a big part of me that still loves him. And I really, really enjoy his company. And he can be super nice. Like, he did a photo shoot with me like a year after the breakup, my Instagram, like for my coaching business that I'm starting. He did that. He like helps me think about branding. When he wants, he can be really, really there for me. And like, we met each other's families. And I, I think we really liked that. And there's an emotional component. Like, he's also from Karachi. P. Well, he was born, born and raised here, but I was born and raised in Karachi. There's like, an element of understanding there that I've never had before. Cuz I've always dated outside of my, my culture of origin. It's attachment. That's the short answer. I have a feeling if you went through your alpha communication, what you would actually find is that what you want is to be in love with a person who is emotionally available and loves you back. Yes. And I think that you would get to the part where you want both of each other to be happy, and you'd realize that that's not going to be with this person. Yeah. I think I'm, um, a little afraid to face that and to let go. So I'm actively in the process of detaching. Because this is another thing, like, imagine you have this incredible person that's coming towards you somewhere in the world, except energetically, they're not available for you to be in love with someone else when they show up. In the same way that you wouldn't want to meet someone who's actively still in love with their ex, trying to be their best friend, like, you wouldn't be available for that. So just lingering, waiting for you to complete this, and they cannot show up until you've completed the cycle. How much longer do you want to wait for the right person to show up while you hang on to the wrong person? No, I want that person to show up now because I, I want to be loved deeply, as deeply as I love other people. I know. But here's where the goddess versus the baby goddess shows up. The goddess says, I want to be happy. I want to be in love. And I want to be loved. And I want the person that's going to fall in love with me to be deeply loved as well. And I don't want them to have to fall into a love triangle where they're not sure whether I still love my ex. I don't want them to have to live with that. I want to work on my feelings. I want to detach from my ex that I know is not the right person for me. I want to start working on my emotional strength so that when the person that is meant for me comes, I'm open and I'm ready and I'm squeaky clean relationship-wise. Okay. That, thank you. That sounds like I have to let go completely. Yeah. But I'll still see him in the community, and I don't know how to handle that. Well, it's difficult to have endings in life, especially when we wonder, and we wonder if there could have been something. But this is where like, the when fatal, it's like, I'm the one, or I'm the, the one who got away. So either you did everything it took for us to be right together, and I did everything it took for us to be right together, and we're good together. Or I did everything right for us to be together, and you let me go. And so you're the, you know, you lose me. It's the letter. Yeah. So what's so important here is that as you do see him, and you're preparing for the greatest love of your life to come into your life, you've got to exercise a demonstration that you're complete. And that is difficult. But it's being kind and complete, not trying to get his attention or his love, or not trying to call or text or talk or tell him that you miss him. Because it's not about you and him anymore. It's about you and your future partner, your future husband. Thank you so much. Actually, yesterday, when I was thinking about alpha communication, in my heart, I was actively letting go of the need for his attention and the need for his love. Thank you. It's my pleasure. I'm so happy this came up. And I want to share to anyone that's going through something like this in the program, like, if you take yourself through the alpha communication, and the thoughts in your mind are like, this person can't give me the thing I really want, it's hard to face that. You sometimes you might be like, okay, well, never mind then. I don't want that, just because you realize the person can't give it to you. Or maybe I should change what I want. Or, you know, how could I say it in a way that they'll want it? But like, you know, deep inside, when you figure out what you want, if this relationship can work or not, if the thing that you want is something the person is not equipped to give you, that also gives you answers. And it's to have that, I'm okay feeling in your body, and to let it be okay. So thank you. Thank you. I just wanted to thank you for giving me the strength and new dreams last year to go through all of this. And I am in such a happy, strong position in my life. And I literally owe it all to you. Thank you. Well, it is my greatest pleasure. I'm so happy you chose me, me in this work, and that it could help for you. Like, that's my greatest news. Like, I'm, I love hearing that. So thank you. And Nicole, yes. Oh my gosh, Nicole and I are the dream team in this space. So thank you. Okay, we will take Milan Vick and then we will be complete for this round of live coaching. Hello. I was kind of hoping and pick me because I just came back from a run and I'm a mess. Hi. It was so illuminating whenever I was listening to you yesterday. Because usually I listen to you and I'm like, yes, I want to do this. I want to do this. But yesterday was like, I've been doing this. No, no, we have been doing this. My husband and I. So just for context here, my husband and I were long distance for like, a little over 10 years because he travels for work. And I was up north as an RCMP officer, living my own life, my own, my own journey, if you will. And, uh, so had back when I was a cop, I had to be the tough girl, right? So, so I did a lot of work since I've retired. And now I travel with my husband, and I actually work with him. And it's been an adjustment for us to live together full time. There was a big adjustment phase. And we have been more open. We communicate so much more now. And more so in the last year, where it has changed everything. And when you were describing alpha conversation yesterday, I realized that's exactly what we were doing without knowing it. And the magic that has come out of it is just, it's almost hard to put into words. And I'm at a point right now that I've noticed that the work that I'm doing on myself, of course, it's influencing him. So he's doing his own work, and we're finding our our way together. But really, the foundation of it was is communication. And we just, we talk about how we feel. And I think he's actually relating to his baby goddess. I'm not sure. And it's just, it, everything is a conversation. Everything is how we communicate. Like, absolutely everything. And just, I'm at a point now that I really, I'm manifesting through him, the work that I'm doing, like on myself. Like a lot of the answers is coming through him. And it's just like, I wrote in the, in one of the comments, like, we're in lust, we're in love, we're like, I'm the most abundant person that that I know. Like, it's just insane. I love this so much. Like, I just, I can't even say, well, oh, I should be doing this. Okay, yes, take notes, do this, do this. No, like, I, it was just like, a realization that I am doing this. And that was just insane, insane. Congratulations. And I'm very happy to hear that. That's fantastic. Thank you. So the reason I brought some people up, I wanted to have some conversations about alpha communications because this is kind of things that tend to happen. Happen. The biggest one being, we want to have a communication, and we don't take into consideration the other person's emotional capacity. And so when you want something, when you start really creating your alpha communication, and you're looking through it, and it feels like everything you're going to want to say is not going to land, and everything you're going to want to ask is not going to land, it gets to be an internal journey with yourself. It gets to be a conversation that as you take yourself through it, you heal. It gets to be a realization is not the right partner for you. Like, there's just so many different realizations that come even in just doing the framework of the communication, even without verbally saying it. Now, it is a lot easier to write out the communication than to actually say it. And so even though it's hard to write it, the experience of then being sitting in front of the person that you want to speak to, wondering if they're going to get it, worried that you might bug them, or that you might say something they don't like, or like all the feelings that come with the vulnerability of opening your heart, like sometimes you're like, just read it. I don't know if I can say it. Learning to practice being able to speak like this is amazing. And we want to see as much as possible how, how to the point we can be, because I have seen alpha communications that are literally three pages long, and people won't just let you talk at them like that for an hour, you know, you've got to be able to say what you want to say and get the words. And so the more you practice it, the more efficient you're going to be at this. But I want to talk to you about the dynamics that create chaos in the first place, and that create feelings of an argument, or things that we feel we need to fight against. So the baby goddess has reactions to certain things in her life. Life. So the first one, you can probably imagine, is rules. Baby goddess does not like the rules, especially not, I said so kind of rules. Doesn't like that. The baby goddess does not love authority. Not a huge fan of authority. Baby goddess does not like unfair. And unfair, like, you love her more than me. You gave her more than me. She got more than me. She got to go twice. She broke my thing, and her thing is still fine. She got to go, and I didn't get to go. We're watching her favorite thing again. Anything that is not fair, baby goddess doesn't like. And there are different people in our lives that trigger these things for us as we're growing up. And so we tend to get intertwined in relationship dynamics that when they're later being modeled without realizing it's like, I'm being triggered by you the same way I was triggered by feeling the blank. So very clearly, the people you'll get triggered by the most are Mom and Dad, or any parental figure in your life, siblings, so someone that has like a sister or brother energy with you, older or younger, depending on what you had. Friends, children of parents, friends, which means friends you're, you have to be friends with, but you don't really want to be friends with, but you have to because through work, or you have to because through something, it feels like you have to hang out with this person, although you don't want to. So a lot of workplace chaos occurs. So you're going to realize there's a lot of relationships in your life that totally just model some of the childhood triggers that your baby goddess has had. And so when you look at your journey and you look at your story, you're going to start to see where sometimes people trigger you, not even just because they particularly trigger you, but because you're being brought back to a wound that's from the past. So if you had to think about it, which wounds do you feel still today are the ones that really get to you? Is it like the mother wound, or like the father wound, like wanting to have approval, wanting to be validated? Uh, is it like the mother wound, wanting to be loved unconditionally, wanting to be taken care of? Is it like the sister wound, like being equal and it's not fair if one is more than the other? Like, where, which are the ones that really get to you? And so we would love to be able to say, I'm a grown-up, this stuff doesn't bother me anymore. I'm not a baby anymore. But the thing is, we are a little bit of a baby still, not in a like, underdeveloped kind of way, but in a baby goddess emotional state kind of way. And so if you have a person in your life that you, you give the same kind of expectation as your mother. So we'll give an example. What is the mother archetype really meant to be for us when we come into this world? The mother is the sacred space for the first few months, years of of your life. Whoever represented the mother figure in your life was most likely the one who, and obviously there's exceptions to everything I'm saying here, but most likely it was the person who fed you, who would, you know, if you hurt yourself, would be the one that would take care of your boo-boos, would be the one who, you know, took care of you. So there's a very caring energy with the mother. But there is a moment in every woman's life where this perfect vision of a mother gets a crack. And the reason that the perfect vision of the mother gets a crack is because the mother was never perfect to begin with. But the baby goddess does not see imperfection in the mother. The baby goddess sees the mom. Even if your mom was not emotionally available for you, even if your mom didn't feed you properly, even if your mom wasn't even present and yelled and screamed, because you don't know before a certain age what any other mom looks like, that's just your mom. Usually, the first break occurs after you've seen other human beings interact with other people, and you're like, whoa, someone does it better than my mom. Someone is softer, someone is more caring, some, someone is more loving, someone doesn't scream at their kids, someone doesn't do this, someone doesn't do that. And there becomes a break in the projection of this perfect mother. And for a lot of people, that causes one of the first traumas, which is, I'm not as safe as I thought I was in places that I thought I could not be unsafe. And so people start trying to find that safety they had with their mom and other people. So you can project the mother wound onto so many different people. You could project a mother wound onto a big sister and say, okay, well, Mom failed me, but you could be my safe space. You could project the mother wound on to a friend and say, you know, my mom wasn't there for me, but you are always there for me through my hard stuff. And somehow I'm attaching this mother archetype to you. You'll always be there for me. You won't let me down. You can attach this mother wound to a mentor and say, you know, you will be my mother. You won't let me down. And in less of a relationship thing, I'm seeing in the comment section, like, I did this with food. What addiction often is, is putting this on alcohol, drugs, sex, food. Like, you'll be the thing that never lets me down. And so at the very core, the mother wound being attached to someone else causes more trauma down the line because the fact is, no one else is perfect either. And there will come a time where even the person that you take on as your second mom also messes up. And although it makes no sense to be so upset at a friend or a coach or mentor or a sibling or whatever it is, it, it's not the logical part of you that comes in. It's the small child that needed another mom. And so this will often happen with men and women in relationships where, let's say your husband gives you the mother wound, expects you to always be there, expects you to always understand, expects you to, especially if early on in their relationship, you helped them through something and you were there and you cooked for him and you made sure, you know, you took on the mother role. And then the first time you don't like the way he behaves, you pull your love away. And he just knocks you off the pedestal. He never thought you could hurt him like that in a million years. And you're left with like, what just happened? This is such an overreaction to what just happened. But it's like, it's the mother wound. Now, the father wound is a little different. It's less about this perfect image of pristine, unshakable love, and it's, it's more about being seen and being appreciated and validated as this unique, special person. So a lot of people will say the father is the first love of the daughter. When a, when a daughter loves her daddy, like he's the first love. And so if your dad had anger issues, if your dad had a really difficult time with you failing at anything and was very, very demanding of your perfection, your grades, you being good enough at sports, if you had a very judgmental dad that didn't want you to be around certain friends or or partners, that was not willing to have you be around certain people and said, nope, those people aren't good enough for you, would not appreciate or approve of your partners. This creates a need for validation, a need for someone else to take on that father role and say, I see you, I validate you, I love you. And so this is a masculine energy. You can project the father wound onto a boyfriend. You can project the father wound onto a best friend. You can project the father wound onto a woman if she has enough masculine energy. I feel seen by you. I feel validated by you. I feel like you, you, you're proud of me. It's not a gender thing. It's an energetic thing. And so if there's a person in your life that you're like, you know, I just want you to see me. I just want you to see me. Instead of, I hold myself as a powerful human side by side with you, you're projecting a fatherhood wound there. A mentor, a coach. How am I doing, coach? How am I doing, coach? Did you see my last move? Did you see my last master class? Did you see how much money I made? Did you see the progress I made, coach? Did you see it? Did you love it? Like that feeling is the baby goddess needing the validation from that masculine. Good job, you did a great job, kid. Good for you. And it's like, when we need that and it's not coming, we look for it in all the wrong places. Now, the sisterhood wound is another difficult one because the sisterhood wound is wanting to find people who, in you, and I do want to say, like, even if your father never did this to you, never was, never was this way for you, it doesn't mean that he would have done it and then you lost it. It could just be that you never got it from him. And then you found out other people's dads did that. Like, you watched a movie and you saw a super supportive dad, you know, with his daughter in a movie, and you were just like, my dad never did that. Where do I get that? How do I get that? This is what's been missing from me my whole life. Like, we don't even need a real person to show us what we're lacking. Sometimes, if you fall in love with a mother in a movie that loves her babies in a certain way, and you're like, gosh, I wish my mom would have been like that. Crack in the mother foundation. You watch a dad, you know, coaching the soccer league of his daughter, and he high-fives her and takes her for ice cream, and you're like, my, the pain. Who's going to do this for me in my life? I need this now. I need to find someone who's going to do this for me. There's a lack in my life. So even without our parents directly demonstrating a lack of this, if you see it in someone else, you have with a friend, when you go to her house, the dad is so kind, and he's like, okay, girls, do you want to go to the cinema? I'll take you. And you're like, my dad would never have done that for me. My dad's never there. How come your dad gets to do that? You, you realize through the behavior of other dads, or even rom-com dads, that you didn't have what you wanted or what you needed. Now, the sibling rule, the, the sister, um, wound is different because the sister wound is loaded. There can be so many things about the sister wound, but most of it, it's about fairness and it's about trust. Like, when you think of the ideal sister, you trust each other with everything. You tell each other everything. You lend her things, she lends you things. You laugh, you love each other, you have so much fun. Everything is fair and equal. You're both pretty exactly the same. Both your parents love you exactly the same. Your friends with the same friends. Your everything. Like, that's the ideal sister thing, whether you've had it or whether you've seen it. And that sisterhood is something that we crave all of our life. And it shows up in friendships with friends where you're like, we could tell each other everything. Oh my gosh, you just told my secret. We have everything the same. Your parents are than mine. I lend you stuff, you lend me stuff. You don't want to lend me your thing. Your parents don't want you to lend me your thing because I don't have things like your stuff. Oh, or I lend you my stuff and then you stole my thing, or you broke my thing, or your parents love you more than my parents love me, is what it feels like. Your parents are more proud of you than my parents are proud of me. Sister wound. The minute it's not fair, we develop a wound because in our ideal mind, sister is basically a twin where everything is equal and the same. And so we tend to look for people that are exactly like us, which is why a lot of people have this concept of like belonging or not belonging. When in fact, belonging is not the right word. The baby goddess is not looking to belong. The baby goddess is looking for twins. Where do I look around me and I see exactly me? They're not prettier than me. They're not younger or older than me. They're not richer than me. They're not more successful than me or more advanced than me. They don't have more friends than me. And that's where I would feel like I belong. Oh my gosh, twins, we're the same at everything. Belonging does not mean we're the same at everything. Belonging means we fit together. You have this superpower, I have this superpower. You have more of this, I have more of that. We're equal power, but different. Together, we're, we're a force. But I have this gift, and you have that gift, and I admire this about you, and you admire this about me. And the goddess totally gets that. When you imagine the land of the goddess, and I was to say to you, project 12 goddesses dancing around you, you would see different ethnicities and backgrounds, different shapes, curvy ones, long slender goddesses. You would see cute little funny ones, and, and mature sophisticated ones. And you would see, you would see an array, a rich tapestry, a wise one, an artist, uh, one that's good with, with direction, and one who can make food, and one who's good at making fire, and one who's, you would see an array of goddesses. But not in the baby goddess. In the baby goddess, all the same. The only thing that's maybe different is the color of our outfits. But I decide what my color outfit is. We can maybe be all the same, and I'm pink, and you're blue, and she's green. Except I'm pink. And if it's not possible for me to be pink, then we need to all be pink. It's all only the things that are unfair in my advantage are okay, but not too much, because then I start to think they might not like me. And the reason I think they may not like me is because I know I would not like them if the tables were reversed. It's that simple. If I have too much, I think I would not like it if they had that. I'm going to hide as much as I have. And so the baby goddess with the sister wound will also pretend she has less so that people like her. I don't want to look like I'm too pretty. Let me say something really self-deprecating about myself. I don't want to look like I'm too wealthy. Let me say something really difficult about, you know, how horrible is like, let me share a horrible thing about my life so that people don't think I'm too lucky. And so we do one of two things. We either diminish ourselves thinking everybody else is better than us, or we diminish ourselves hoping people don't think we're better than them. These are sisterhood wounds. And so we are constantly walking around with a mother wound, trying to have someone love us unconditionally, where we can do no wrong, to be a perfect example of perfectness on the planet for us. We're constantly walking around looking for someone to see us, validate us, prioritize us, celebrate us, love us with the father wound. We're constantly looking for people exactly like us that don't have more, don't have less, so that we can have a feeling of belonging. All the while experiencing a feeling that we don't like rules. So any kind of rule, rule that occurs, we don't like it unless we invented the rule. And even then, we need to sell everyone on loving the rule that we made. Because if we made a rule and everybody hates it, we also feel like we don't belong. So the only rules we like are the ones we make, and we want to feel like everybody likes the rule, or else we feel cast away. So again, as I
Said, "If you have something that I'm saying right now and you're like, 'What if I didn't have a sister?' It's like, did you watch a movie where a girl had a sister and you realize you didn't have one and the fundamental lack of everything you could have had just crumbled in front of you? Have you ever had a friend that had a sister? And if you know, if not, it's just in friendships itself because your friends are your sisters. We're all connected. It's the same thing.
But ultimately, like, you will see it in front of you played out in so many different dynamics in your life. You know what it's like to wish you had a partner, even though you've never had one. You just watch someone else have one. You don't need to have loved and lost to miss love. You can watch a rom-com and think, 'Gosh, my life is missing something because I never was looked at like that or kissed like that.' You know, you don't. You could lack a father figure, a friend, whatever you want, whatever there is in life. If, if this happens, if you watch it in a movie, even if you didn't have it yourself, just seeing a friend have it, that's all.
Now, brother wounds are complex because there is a different thing between siblings, like brother and sister, depending on the age. And a lot of it has more to do with like, authority, validation. It's like, it's like all the wounds mixed together. But we don't have the thing where we need to be the same with our brother. We don't have that. We don't have the thing where we expect them to love us unconditionally like the mother. We don't have that. We don't necessarily have the thing where we want them to validate us exactly, unless it's a bigger brother. You can project your father wound onto a bigger brother.
But what we tend to project on the brother is the authority wound. So, if you have a brother, your brother most likely got away with a lot of things that you couldn't get away with. Your brother broke the rules. Your brother did all kinds of things. Like, you either projected the father onto the big brother, like, 'You should take care of me. You should look out for me. Are you proud of me? Do you love me?' Or you projected it like a little brother, where it's like, 'That's not fair. How come authority treats him differently? Why is he getting different treatment?' You know, especially if you came from a family where it was like, 'You're a girl, you need to be careful,' and 'You're a boy, you can do whatever you want.' 'You're a girl, your boyfriends can't come over until you're 30.' 'You're a boy, you're 12, you have a girlfriend. What's her name? Invite her for a barbecue.' You know, the dual standards of the boy and the girl in the house. Old, if you ever had that.
And so, little brothers can create a thing with the authority wound. 'How come he's allowed when I'm not allowed?' wanting to tell him off, wanting to, wanting him or him wanting to get you in trouble with authority. So, it's either something that has to do with authority, or it's a father wound projected onto the brother.
So, when you look at all these things together, and you look at a mother wound, a father wound, a sister wound, and an authority wound, which we could call the brother wound, if you like that, pretty much covers just about everything that you go through that's not fair in your life. If your boss doesn't validate you, you've got a father wound or a mother wound going on there. If you've got a mentor that missed something really important to you and didn't give you the right coaching, and you feel completely devastated by it, you've projected a mother wound. If you've got a friend that was your best friend and then all of a sudden, just all it all went loose, like a sister wound. Like, and you may have them all. You may be walking around trying to just control all your feelings about all the people that you're still lacking closure about, all the wounds that you've been through.
So, the first way, and it's not something like, 'How do we stop them?' because stopping them is fixing them. But the first thing is like, 'How do you acknowledge that the things that a lot of your emotions are lacking right now are not actually your grown goddess emotions?' Which means this actually is not a problem, it's just a reality that you get to shift if it's something that you want. So, you get to have an amazing relationship with your mom, a tough one with your dad, your sisters your best friend, but then you still project out into the world that your boss should be just like your dad, and your best friend should be just like your sister. So, even if you had the perfect family, you could be projecting the family dynamics that were so great as an expectation onto other people. Like, 'Whenever I've given anyone else this role of authority over me, they see me, they validate me. Ask my dad for guidance. You're failing at this, boss. I have not gotten an accolade from you in a very long time. I need you to see me. I've projected this wound onto you. My dad's nailing it. You need to talk to him. You know how to do it.' So, even if you got everything you needed, doesn't necessarily mean you don't have the wounds.
So, what your homework is going to be for this session is to actually look at every wound that I talked about and look at your life, even if you need to look in the past a little bit. And you are going to really contemplate where these wounds have run the baby goddess show, where you've said things like, 'I just feel like I don't belong in this space,' when in fact, the only thing you felt is they're a little bit different than me. They're not the exact replica of a twinsy sister. One's a little richer, and one's a little thinner, and one's a little prettier, and one's a little younger, and one's a little older, and one's a little more accomplished, and one has a partner, and one has a child, and one. And that's enough for us to not be identical twins where everything is equal. And so I feel it's not fair. And so I feel like I'm less than, or I feel like she'll think I'm more than. And I fear it'll break down, and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing and her not wanting to be my friend anymore. Or maybe they had already decided they're not my friend. Like, where has that shown up? Where have you projected the need for perfection and emotional, like, emotional perfection onto people? Like, with the mother wound, 'You should know how to take care of me.' Where have you projected the father wound? 'You should see me, validate me, see my strengths, encourage me.' You can project your fatherhood wound onto your husband. Where has it not just been, 'I am full and I am complete, and the relationships that I have in my life are because of a deep love and appreciation of the people that I'm with'? And more so, are they fulfilling a need that if they don't fulfill it, I am wounded? Now, there's a difference between being sad, disappointed, wishing. That's normal. But wounded to the point that you would feel that they're wrong. How often does that happen?
And you want to do this not from a place that there's something wrong with you, or that you've messed everything up, because the fact is, the entire world is operating like this. If it helps you and you're getting too hard on yourself, what I would really love for you to do is think about the ways you've been projected on. Where did you have a friend that you did everything you could for your friend, and all of a sudden they just turned around and lost it on you, and you're like, 'I did everything for this friend. This is a grown adult that I took into my house. I did everything for them.' And in the end, it wasn't enough. Oh, look, I was the mother. I got projected on. Where did you have an employee where you gave everything you could give? You gave your all. You were so there. You gave bonuses, you gave time, you gave accolades, you gave everything. And in the end, it wasn't enough. They didn't feel seen. They didn't feel validated. They stopped working hard at their job. And it's like, 'What the heck happened?' The father wound. Where were you best friends with someone? You loved them so much. And as soon as you started doing better, they just fell away. You didn't do anything wrong. You just all of a sudden had a little bit more, and then you weren't twinsies anymore. Where did it happen that there was an authority wound? It just wasn't fair. Someone did something, and no one got in trouble for it, and you guys got into a fight because it just felt not fair. But really, it's like, 'You would have wanted me to get in trouble.' 'Aren't we friends? Why do you want me to get in trouble?' Like, 'Oh, it's an authority thing.' A friend that would say, 'It's not that I think you should have gotten in trouble. I just don't think it's really fair that you can go ahead and do something like this and not get caught or not get.' You're like, 'I told you this as a secret. I told you this as a joke. I told you.' Like, 'You're not happy for me that I got away with this? You're mad about it?' Oh, the authority wound.
Like, I want you to see it from your side, because it's not just you've made mistakes and you're not a good person. All of us are walking around this planet with baby goddess wounds, feeling completely self-righteous. 'You did something bad to me. You did not validate me the way you were supposed to, as I projected onto you that you should, as the father wound. Fix it. You did not love me unconditionally the way that you were supposed to, as I projected it onto you as the perfect mother that you're actually not. Fix it. You are not exactly equal to me in every single way, and you, and you being individual, you make me realize I'm different, and in my differences, I feel I don't belong. Please be identical now. Please fix it.' All of these little things aren't the strongest part of you, though. The goddess does not need this. And so we are going to strengthen this. And the wounds are the same for men. So these are identical wounds. Doesn't matter who you are in the world. And everyone has these wounds to some capacity because we're all little kids that grow up into adults. The only reason someone would not have this wound is if they had an astronomical rite of passage where they were taught how to go from little kid to grownup by a master, and they grew up completely able to decipher energetics from reality. Let me know how many people you know that have had that. Not many.
Your mom will have projected sister wounds onto you. When you get to a certain age, your mom will be like, 'At your age, I didn't have what you have. That's not fair.' Your mom will project sisterhood wounds onto you. 'When I was your age, if I would have spoken to my mother like that, I would have gotten...' Dot dot dot. An authority wound onto the daughter. If you've been the support system for your mom, she could project the father wound onto you. If you've been the one that's been there for her through all the hard times, you've got a single mom, and you helped her financially, you were there for her, all the things, and then one day you get your own life together, and she doesn't feel as validated by you. It's been a while since you told her she's amazing and this and that. She could have projected a fatherhood wound onto you. She could also have projected a motherhood wound onto you. If you've been her confidant her entire life, you're the daughter, but you've been the one that listened to everything she's ever gone through, you've loved her with absolutely everything in your spirit, she could project all that step onto you.
Your brother could project a motherhood wound onto you. If you were the big sister and you were always the one validating him and giving him all the love and all the attention, and then you got a boyfriend and you got distracted, and he felt left behind. It was you and the mom. His mom took care of him like a mom. You took on the dad role. You showed him how to do things. You took him out, you dressed him up, you showed him how to flirt with girls, you talked to him about his first girlfriend. You were there for all the things. And then all of a sudden your life changed, and you weren't there for him anymore. He could have projected the fatherhood wound onto you. 'You're supposed to validate me. You're supposed to be there for me. You don't see me anymore. You don't care about me.' Like, in all the ways. This is transferable.
And so you'll be able to sometimes recognize this with your partner where they expect you to be the mom, or where they have a thing where it's like, 'It's not fair that you're getting away with certain things in your family when they can't.' And there's an authority wound. It's like, 'You're getting away with stuff I can't get away with. You're lucky.' So, it is a long homework, and it's going to unfold throughout the rest of the program because we're going to have a lot of conversations that really support all of this. But the biggest gift you can give yourself in this moment is not in thinking you need to fix this in any kind of way. It's in seeing like, if we all have this, it changes the way people behave, how I feel about it. Like, if I have a person in my life that behaves in a certain way that is not in alignment with their higher power, like, I know this person, and all of a sudden they're giving me something, and I'm like, 'This is not the goddess. This is not the one. What is this?' I will be able to see right away. What did they expect from me in that moment? Did they expect me to love them unconditionally, no matter what? Be a safe space? Be perfect with my emotions? Did they expect me to validate them, tell them they're amazing, congratulate them, encourage them, be there at every game in the front row seat kind of energy? Did they expect me to be exactly the same as them, twins in every kind of way, where I'm not better at anything, and I don't have more, and I don't have feelings about having less? Like, completely identical? Or is there something about authority? Something about 'It's not fair,' or 'I shouldn't be allowed to,' or something like that? And I'll find it.
Binging, binging. And in that moment, we're going to talk more about this in the program, but like, there's things we can do to support them. There's things we can do to support ourselves. Like, it opens a world of choices instead of a reaction. Because remember when I said baby goddess dialogues, like baby goddess triggers, baby goddess? So you go into your wounded, 'I needed my mom to be better,' and then your mom gets triggered into, 'Well, I wanted you to be better.' You're like, 'You're the parent. What are you doing?' They're like, 'You don't get to tell me who I am.' 'I know who I am, but what am I?' 'You're my mother. How am I feeling?' Like, 'I'm speaking to a five-year-old.' Baby goddess triggers baby goddess. It gives you an opportunity to actually rise into a much stronger, mature reaction when you can tell people are actually just in a triggered state because those states are temporary. And that's why a lot of times you get activated by a trigger state and you behave in a way that's like, not your best. And as soon as you go back to your regular state and you think back to what just happened, you're like, 'Oh no.' Who in this group has ever had a reaction towards someone where, like, give it a few moments after it's passed, you're like, 'Shame. Like, I just lost it. Like, I just, I know that was not right. I know I should not have said that. That was way over the top. Like, what was I thinking? How on earth did I not see that?' Oh my gosh, this is all trigger. It's so fast, it's reactive. We all have this. So if we can understand each other, we can be stronger. We can understand ourselves. We can be stronger.
So, take the time with this homework. Write each archetype out: the mother wound, the father wound, the sister wound, and either the brother wound or the authority wound. And just look at it: where have I projected this, and where have I been projected on? Not to make yourself wrong, not to make them wrong, just to gain awareness. If you can, and we will touch base in the next module, and I'll take you to the next step from here. Thank you for playing full out. I've loved seeing the comments pop up. I'm seeing a lot of like breakthroughs and realizations. Contemplate. Enjoy this process, and I look forward to seeing you in our next module.
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She emerged from within me like a goddess from water. She filled her lungs with new air with a sigh that meant everything. Relief. Rebirth. Relief. She took in the world around her with an understanding of its fragility and its strength. She let the waters of her past run down her face. She took on a new name. She took on a new way. She became. Oh, she lives in me. She saved me. She is me.
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