Transcription
[Music] hi it's Robin charmi W I'm super happy to have you here with me. I'm getting ready to go on my afternoon walk. I've been working on the manuscript of my new book for most of the morning. I got about 5 and a half hours done and if I can get more than 5 hours done in a day on the manuscript, it's a very good day. Sorry I have my sunglasses on, but it is a sunny day here and if I don't have them on, it's going to hurt my eyes.
So with that, I wanted to walk you through the habits of happy relationships. The habits of happy relationships. If you have studied in my mentoring methodology, the eight forms of wealth model, the eight forms of wealth, then you know that family is the third form of wealth. What is the eight forms of wealth model all about? If you don't know, well, money is only one form of wealth. We live in a society and a culture that says if you have a lot of money, you're wealthy. And often our culture and society puts people with a lot of financial wealth up on a pedestal. And yet, I have mentored many super wealthy people, many of the richest people in the world, and I can tell you from personal experience, some of them, money is all they have. They are cash rich and happiness poor. So there are actually eight forms of wealth, eight currencies. Money is just one of them. And I want you to work on not only Financial Freedom in the Habit Camp program, but also the other seven forms of wealth, which include personal growth, physical wellness, craft mastery, and service.
What I wanted to do for you before I get into my walk, because you are a much valued member of The Habit Camp program, is to share some of my lessons and insights on a happy family life and strong personal relationships. So the first thing I'd say is, do not take the people you love the most for granted. It's a huge trap that so many people fall into. They are hustling and grinding, they're busy being busy, but they're chasing a Mountaintop only to realize at the end they chased the wrong Mountaintop. What's the point of getting to world-class success, realizing you've gotten there alone? You do not want to be the richest person in the graveyard, and you certainly don't want to be the wealthiest human being in the empty mansion. And like I say, I've seen it. A lot of people got confused and they bought into the bill of goods that society sells, which is work day and night. I hugely believe in hard work, but society says work day and night, sacrificing your family, love, human connections, because if you listen to the dominant mentality of the majority, you will wake up one day finding yet you're a success, but also happy and full of inner peace. That's just not true. So don't take your family for granted. If your parents are still with you, hug them, because a time will come where they will not be around, and you will miss them terrifically. When it comes to your children, if you have children, yes, with children, you have a short window of opportunity, and before you know it, they will be older, living lives of their own, and you will be at home. And if you haven't spent time with them, you will have such an empty heart. Makes me think of what Emerson said, "Without the rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar." Related to that also, remember that if you give a family member a gift expecting a return, it's not a gift, it's a trade. Be generous. Do good things for the people you love without any expectation of return, and you'll find they will fall in love with you, and you will be the one getting the real rewards.
Also, please remember, and this is a big one, a red flag is a red flag. I wrote a chapter on this in The Everyday Hero Manifesto. Please go ahead and read that book. It will help you so much. It's full of insights and tactics that will help you live a truly world-class life and install super habits that will last. And so the point is, a red flag is a red flag. I was celebrating my son's birthday. We were in Los Angeles. We went to a wonderful Italian restaurant. Two gentlemen came in, nice suits, sat with us. We started having a conversation. We talked about all sorts of things, including life. And he said something to my son and I that I've never forgotten. And he said, "A red flag is a red flag." And so in relationships, especially your intimate relationship with your significant other, a red flag is a red flag. And you might lose the best years of your life trying to make it green or hoping that it's green. It's really hard to change another person who doesn't want to change. And so don't try to see a red flag as a green flag. It will cause you perhaps years of pain and suffering. So really, what I'm saying is, life is too short for toxic relationships. You want to find someone who is, and this is a big word, compatible. I just don't believe opposites attract. You want someone who has similar values to you, sees the world the way you do, understands you and gets you, and loves you for who you are, versus someone who's trying to change you. And you definitely don't want to get into a relationship with someone who is addicted to drama. I just don't do that anymore, and neither should you.
Another lesson for you to create the habits of a happy family life and a happy love life and a happy home life is, don't fall into the snare of expecting what you're not giving. I see this a lot when I'm mentoring the billionaires and top athletes, and some of them have relationship problems, and they want their partner to do things that they themselves are not doing. Which brings me to a key principle: be the person you wish your partner would be. Which brings me to another principle, and I learned this reading an article about one of the UK's top divorce lawyers. And she called it the 10,000 dinner her insight. And she said, you know what, ask yourself, this person might be fun and charming and sexy and all those things, but would I want to spend 10,000 dinners with this person? And if the answer is yes, well, keep them, because it's really hard to find true love. If you find someone amazing, hold on to them in the good times, and fight for them, and work through the hard times, which are inevitable in any relationship. And if someone isn't attractive to you for the idea of having 10,000 dinners with them, well, you know what my answer would be? Move on. Life is too short to be with the wrong person.
Final idea, and this applies to all relationships, not only family and intimate relationships, but also your professional relationships: listen more than you speak. And it sounds so simple, but listening is an act of honor and an exercise in grace. It's like that old idea says, we have two ears and one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak. We live in a world that is so full of distraction, where people are so stimulated, where people are so used to the noise versus hearing the signal, that all too many of us are not good listeners. Listening really is a holy act. When you listen to someone, you show them respect. When you listen to someone, you show them that you care. When you listen to someone, you are present, and your presence is the greatest gift you can give another human being. So listening is not waiting until the other person finishes speaking before you share your answer. Listen not only from your head, please listen from your heart. When you listen to another human being, whether it's your significant other or a child, I mean, so many kids are suffering from a lack of good listening, and that's why they're in a deep, latent pain, which causes them to escape into distractions like digital addiction, etc., etc. So when you give people amazing listening, you profoundly enrich the human connection, and they fall in love with you, and you actually grow in your self-esteem because you're living the life you know you want to live.
So thank you for being here with me. Just to truly wow you, because you've invested in the Habit Camp program, I have a special learning resource I'm going to give you as a bonus, just to celebrate you for your commitment to learning and your faith in my work and your investment in this digital program. The information is below. You can get full access to it. I hope you enjoy it. The only thing I ask is that you consume it, practice it, and live it, because as I wrote in "Who Will Cry When You Die," the smallest of actions is always better than the greatest of intentions. Thanks a lot. I'll see you in the next backstage pass. Bye.