Transcription
This is Todd. Nine months ago, he went on a date with a super attractive woman, someone he considered out of his league. The result, he was totally and completely ghosted.
Fast forward to the present, and he was surprised to see a text pop up on his phone. It was that same girl. She reached out to give him a second chance. The result, she ended up back at his place and is now begging to see him again.
Todd's secret. I simply gave him my 10-step formula for creating sexual tension with women. And if you watch till the end and click the first link in the description, you can steal this same formula for yourself and get results like this.
Starting with the first and most important step, it's called romantic reframing. Romantic reframing is when you take what she says or the situation you're both in, and you just playfully reframe and reinterpret it in a way that could be seen as romantic or slightly sexual.
Here's an example of what that looks like from the movie Casino Royale.
>> Makes me feel reborn.
>> If you'd just been born,
>> wouldn't you be naked?
>> You have me there.
Vesper tells Bon that she feels reborn and his first response is, "If you had just been born, wouldn't you be naked?" Notice how he takes something innocent and normal that she says and reframes it in a way that makes the conversation inherently sexual. It makes it feel charged, like something is happening beneath the surface that neither of you is saying out loud, but you both feel on a deeper level.
The reason romantic reframes like this can feel smooth and natural, is that they fit into normal conversation. In this case specifically, he's not overbearing with direct physical compliments because that wouldn't create the tension needed to create attraction. The key word here is tension. That tiny bit of acknowledgement, but not overstatement is what keeps the tension going. If you go too far in either direction, then the tension is broken. And that's what gets a woman emotionally hooked and invested in what you have to say because she knows that at any moment you can say or do something that makes the tension feel thicker and draws her in deeper.
Romantic reframing works especially well when you integrate what's known as backhanded compliments. And it ties back to the idea from earlier that in order for there to be tension, there needs to be at least two potential outcomes. And the uncertainty of which way it'll go is what creates the tension in the first place.
When you tell a girl, "You're so beautiful." or "I really like spending time with you super directly, you've handed her all the power." And that's not necessarily a bad thing. There's a time and place for direct compliments like this. However, if you want them to build real sexual tension, these direct compliments need to be combined with physical touch or some sort of body language trigger that is creating the tension. Because these direct compliments on their own don't create any chase, any mystery, or any desire. And in the beginning, women need to feel that slight bit of uncertainty to feel attractive. If she already knows you're fully sold on her, then what is left there to earn?
And again, I'm not saying compliments are a bad thing. I use compliments all the time, especially in my initial approaches. However, if you want to create tension with your words, you need to create uncertainty because tension is synonymous with uncertainty. And when done correctly, that uncertainty is what flirting actually looks like. Both of you going back and forth and neither of you quite putting all of your cards on the table all at once because that would ruin the fun.
I mean, just check out the scene from The Vampire Diaries where the main character Damon takes Elena on a road trip and notice how he gives her a backhanded compliment.
>> So, why did you bring me with you?
>> Well, you're not the worst company in the world, Elena. You should give yourself more credit.
>> Seriously.
Instead of saying, "I wanted to spend time with you," he instead uses a backhanded compliment. He says, "You're not the worst company in the world." He's playfully complimenting her without putting her on a pedestal, but also in a way that doesn't give up all the power immediately. And when you give compliments like this in conversation, you're the one who becomes the judge because you're the one who's deciding how you view and categorize her, not the other way around.
Now, when she feels like she's being evaluated, her natural instinct is to prove herself, even if only jokingly. Because when conversations are truly flirtatious and they have sexual tension, they almost happen in their own separate world, in their own category. And this is part of what makes flirting so much fun.
And notice her reaction in the scene.
>> And you're not the worst company in the world.
>> Atlanta,
>> I used to be more fun.
When she feels like she's being evaluated, her natural instinct is to prove herself, to try and win his approval, to show him that she's worth more than not the worst. And when you do this in conversation, suddenly you have the girl investing in you. She's trying to impress you, and the entire dynamic flips in your favor.
Unfortunately, most successful men never get this far in the conversation because they fall for the interview trap. Most successful older men treat interactions like business meetings. They don't know how to turn off their logical brain, so they default to logical, boring questions about work, hobbies, and surface level details. This logical interview style conversation is exactly why women feel zero chemistry and ghost you after the first date.
But why do so many smart, successful guys default to this? It comes down to two things. Number one is the fear of rejection. Asking logical questions feels safer and less vulnerable than doing something bold like making a flirty joke, making a move physically, or simply speaking your mind because all of those things have the potential to be taken the wrong way. Men use interview style conversations as a shield. Asking safe, predictable questions protects your ego from hard rejection. But it comes at the cost of real attraction. You're not actually saving yourself from the rejection. You're just delaying it to the future.
If this is something you struggle with, here are two ways you can instantly shift from logical interview mode to playful emotional attraction.
First is to use cold reads. Instead of boring, logical questions, make playful guesses about her personality or her intentions. This instantly shifts the conversations to emotional and it starts to foster some intrigue and attraction. Here's an example of a cold read in action.
>> I feel like you're the sister who's in charge and you're like the more one who follows the lead.
>> Baby,
>> is that is that the case?
>> We have another middle sister, too, who's not here right now.
>> Oh, I see.
>> Yeah. So, she's literally the baby.
In this approach with two sisters, notice how I profiled the one girl as being in charge and the other one being the baby. This immediately got a reaction, had them laughing, and made the conversation more fun and engaging. Cold reads like this work in cold approaches. They work in first dates. They even work over text because they trigger playful banter and start to create those first sparks of emotional chemistry and sexual tension very quickly. Mastering the art of cold reads is one of the first things I work on with clients inside my private coaching program because it's such a game changer and builds instant attraction. So, make sure you don't overlook this.
The second way to avoid the interview trap is to stop asking logical questions. Immediately remove all standard interview style questions from any of your first dates. Instead, you want to replace them with playful assumptions, teasing, and bold statements about the girl that invite more playful responses.
Now, a key thing to keep in mind is that all of these same principles apply to texting, which is where 95% of guys lose the girl before the date even happens. You'll never get her in front of you and have the opportunity to build sexual tension if you never even get her on the date. Data shows that the average response rate for a man on dating apps can be below 10%. That's why in the modern landscape, texting is the most important dating skill. The text you send determines whether you get the date or whether you get ghosted. And over the past decade, me and my team have tested thousands of messages, openers, frameworks, and scripts for my private clients. And we boiled all of it down into the three highest performing opening lines any man can use to instantly stand out and spark attraction. These lines are the same one my client Giannis used to go from struggling to get two to three dates a month to getting eight dates in a single week and building a rotation of stunning women that were way above what he thought possible. And you can download all three lines plus my copy paste texting script completely free inside my texting course link below.
Now, another trap that successful men fall into, even more so than the interview trap, is what I call premature escalation. If you have a boring clatonic conversation, you never touch her once, then end the date by trying to kiss her, she won't be ready for it. Which is why most of the early sexual tension is built by establishing physical comfort. We talked earlier about how sexual tension is the art of implying desire without fully acting on it. But how do you actually act on it in the right way? You can't go from zero physical contact to trying to kiss her out of the blue. She's going to pull away. She's going to flinch. Not because she doesn't like you, but because you didn't lay the groundwork to make her comfortable enough yet.
The fix is simple. Take opportunities to get physical and intimate in small, subtle ways throughout the entire interaction from the beginning of the date. This way, you dial up the tension slowly and you keep her guessing when you'll make your next move.
When you're sitting down at dinner, an easy way is to take her napkin and put it on her lap for her. It's subtle, gentlemanly, and it gets her comfortable with you being in her space early on. When you're moving through a crowd, put your arm around her or grab her hand or arm and gently pull her closer to you to avoid other people. It establishes a sense of closeness and that gentlemanly protective instinct makes her feel safer and more trusting around you. You create that aura of I've got you. And that's ultimately what creates the space for a woman to feel attractive.
If you notice a fold or a crease or a piece of lint on her shirt, just fix it. Pull it off and make a little bit of eye contact when you do it. If she has something on her face or there's a piece of hair that's out of place on her, simply move it. Fix it. Do it slowly. But here's the key. Do it slowly, intentionally. Make eye contact while you're doing it. Don't rush through it like you're embarrassed or nervous. Things like this turn subtle and innocuous gestures into moments of tension that can bring you closer together and have her see you in a more sexual light. And when she's used to your touch in these small ways, escalating to handholding, pulling your clothes, going for the kiss feels like the natural next step, not some out of left field scary leap.
This is the main reason why most guys get rejected when they try to escalate. A big reason guys don't escalate in small subtle ways like this early on is because they think that all dates and situations with women are like the movies that you can just wait around until the end of the date and the girl will be ready for you to kiss them. This is totally wrong. That's why you want to implement the next tip and get playfully physical with her and stop taking the idea of making a move so seriously.
The easiest way to get more comfortable initiating physicality early on is to stop taking it so seriously. The more playful and light-hearted you are, the more she relaxes and the faster the physical comfort builds. Just take a look at this scene.
>> Oh,
>> don't do that.
>> Do what?
>> You know what?
That move was deliberate.
>> Well, yeah, I was deliberately trying to get to the sink.
He deliberately bumps into her on purpose as a fun and just playful way to escalate. And then he flips the script entirely, acting like she's the one reading too much into it. This is powerful because it lets you escalate without all of the added pressure and stakes attached to it. You're not making some big and serious move like going for the kiss without anything before it. You're just being playful. And if she reacts, you get to tease her for overthinking it. The frame stays light, but the physical comfort is established and slowly building.
Here's another great example.
>> Oh god, you're still here.
>> Were you expecting anything else?
>> Nope.
>> So, how is the errand?
Notice how in this scene, he walks in and completely takes control of the space. He walks in while she's on the couch with her legs crossed. What does he do? He simply just walks over, lifts her legs up, and places them on his lap. He doesn't ask permission. He doesn't hesitate. He just does it like it's the most natural thing in the world because it kind of is. Most guys would feel too awkward or uncomfortable getting physical like that, let alone even sitting next to the girl and having their thigh or their shoulder touch her, but he goes and just does it anyways. And that level of comfort and leadership around the physical escalation makes her feel more comfortable. It sets the tone that he's in control and it establishes a more romantic body.
And the real power here that makes it effective is that he's using suggestive body language. When it comes to sexual tension, body language is the key that ties everything together. You can create more tension in 5 seconds of silence than most guys can create an entire conversation. That's because your words are the smallest part of communication. Your eye contact, your facial expressions, your proximity, the way you look at her, that's what she's actually responding to.
Most guys are so focused on saying the right thing that they completely neglect the non-verbal aspect. Remember earlier when I said direct compliments can be okay if your body language is dialed in? For example, let's say we're coming to the end of the date. I'm dropping a girl off. I slowly turn and look at her and I say, "I had a lot of fun spending time with you." But I deliver it with a smirk on my face. I'm making really strong eye contact with her and I may even lightly touch her thigh. A direct compliment like that works because of all of the body language and physicality that's combined with it.
Now, instead, imagine I said the same exact compliment, but instead of doing it without the physical contact or the body language triggers that I mentioned, I instead delivered the compliment like this. "I had a really nice time with you tonight." Notice the difference there. The delivery, the energy, the lack of physicality makes the compliment fall flat. There's no tension there. You're simply just giving the girl a compliment without any sexual energy attached to it. And when you do that, there's no room for tension. That's why it's important to sprinkle in that vibe, energy, and physicality with your words.
When you're talking close to one another, you can slowly gaze at her lips. Then, back at her eyes to imply you're thinking about kissing her. You're not saying, "I want to kiss you." You're implying it. Things like playfully and ironically winking at her. Even if it's obvious you're joking, the action itself still has a romantic undertone. Holding eye contact a bit longer than normal during a silence. But instead of quickly looking away, you let that silence breathe. And when she says something, you give her a slow smile instead of responding immediately. Lowering your voice slightly when you're closer to her, just enough that she has to lean in to hear you. When you're side by side, you let your shoulder or your legs touch her, and you just leave it there. Don't pull away like you're afraid of contact.
Suggestive body language works because it implies without stating. This is all that tension is about. You're painting a picture in her mind and letting her imagination fill the rest. And her imagination is always more powerful than anything you can actually say with your words.
This is also why a lot of successful men struggle when they try to impress a girl with their resume. The truth is, your resume, achievements, and accomplishments are not going to make her feel anything. They also remove any potential for imagination. And because a woman's imagination is more powerful than anything you could ever say, that's why the next way to build sexual tension is what's known as controlled restraint.
The fact that you're thinking about making a move, but she's not sure if you'll act on it, is what creates the sexual tension to begin with. Because here's a fact 99% of women won't tell you. Women don't just get turned on from actions like touching, kissing, or eye contact. They get more turned on from the anticipation of the action. When a woman feels you could kiss her, you could touch her, or you could make a bold move, but you hold back, it dials up the tension to 100. That you could do it, but you aren't energy is like a drug for her attraction.
Most men either act too fast or act too passively. Both are needy and weak and they give the frame away because the first guy seems desperate and like he can't control himself and the second guy seems scared and hesitant and like he doesn't have the balls to go for what he wants. Neither of these are ideal. Controlled restraint is the exact middle ground that triggers desire because often times the most powerful move is the one you almost make but you don't.
And that brings me to the tip that most men never do, not because they can't, but because they overthink it and by the time they realize it, it's already too late. And that is displaying sexual intent without fear. The raw truth that most men never confront is that 99% are terrified of their own desire. When they're attracted to a woman, they hide it. They dilute it, or they express it with such hesitation that it loses all impact. You compliment her with a shaky, uncertain voice. You glance away when she catches you looking. You disguise your intent behind a safe conversation. This half-assed validation seeking approach is why she's not feeling that magnetic pull towards you. Your fear of owning your own attraction is killing her attraction to you. when in reality, the most masculine trait that creates that visceral primal desire is unfiltered romantic and sexual intent. It's about fully embodying and owning your attraction in a way that makes her feel chosen and desired.
When done right, displaying that intent is magnetic. It gives her that visceral experience of being wanted and desired. Not in a creepy way, but in a primal way. The power lies in just simply owning it fully. You don't need her to like you back. That's what separates you from everyone else because you're not seeking approval. You're just expressing your own wants and acting on it. And that is literally the definition of setting the frame.
And when you combine this frame with slow and controlled body language, now you're cooking with dynamite. You could have the perfect words, but if your body language screams, "I'm anxious around beautiful women." She'll feel it and shut down before you even say anything. The key to having strong body language is just move at your own pace. If you want to do something, you do it. You don't second guess it. You should be moving through interactions as if you own the environment. Whether it's a bar, a sidewalk, or a room full of strangers, you move like everything around you is moving for you, not the other way around.
When it comes time to escalate, you don't ask, "Hey, c can I kiss you?" You hold tension. You take a minute. You get close. You look at her lips, and then you go for it as if you've already decided. Every subtle movement should feel intentional. From how you lean back to how you raise your drink to how you touch her waist to guide her through a crowd. It's all calculated. Nothing is rushed. Nothing is [ __ ]. It's slow, controlled, and steady. This kind of control makes her feel safe, aroused, and intrigued.
And if you want to make the physical aspects of the sexual tension hit even deeper, then you want to combine it with the us and we frame. Because attraction isn't just about getting her to like you as an individual. It's about making her feel like you too are the perfect match. This works because of a psychological principle known as linguistic framing, which is just a fancy way of saying that the words we use literally shape how we and others perceive reality around us. When you use we and us language, you're bypassing her logical mind and speaking directly to her emotional brain. You're not trying to convince her that you two should be together. You're just speaking and acting as if it's already happened. It's already real.
One simple and easy way you can integrate this framing on dates is by simply calling her your wife. Let's say I'm taking her on a dinner date and I'm checking into a restaurant. When I go up to speak to the hostess, I'll say, "Hey, I have a reservation for two for me and my wife." This works because it's playful and it allows you to keep building on this us and we frame through the playful joke of calling her your wife. And when you do it early on in the date, you can keep building on it naturally throughout the rest of your time together.
Now, being really honest here, I typically find a lot of these psychological principles that people teach when it comes to attraction to be gimmicky and honestly not really all that real. Most of them are pseudocience at best and they can also make interactions feel unnatural. But the idea of linguistic framing is very, very real. I mean, just think about it. If someone walks up to you and says, "Hello, sir." versus someone walks up to you and says, "Hey, what's up, bro?" The way you perceive them and the way you perceive your interaction is inherently different. The linguistic framing of sir feels more professional, more formal, and a little bit more sterile. Whereas, if someone comes up, hey, what's up, bro? It feels more friendly, feels more casual, and it feels more relaxed. And that's why the word choice you use around women is so important because every word that you say frames the way the interaction and the relationship will develop.
And even more important than the words you use is what happens between the words, and that is the silence. One of the most powerful techniques is what's known as the power pause, which is that moment in conversation where you just finished delivering a flirty joke or you made a direct statement or proposal, such as inviting her over, and instead of rushing to fill that silence, you stop and you allow a pause to set in. You don't rush to qualify or clarify what you meant or backtrack on what you just said. You stand by it, letting the silence build as you confidently look her in the eye, and you make your intentions clear.
During this silence, there's an entire conversation happening via subcommunication. How strong your eye contact is, whether or not you're fidgety or if you try and follow it up to fill that silence quickly. With this power pause, you're subconsciously saying, "Yeah, I said it and I meant it. Now, what are you going to do about it?" And this is precisely how you set a strong frame that makes it easy for women to buy into because you're owning it wholeheartedly and you're inviting her into that frame. This is why it's important to not buckle under the pressure and to not break eye contact unless she does. Instead, you just hold the eye contact and you don't break until she says or does something.
Now, once you combine all of these tips together, you'll be able to get results. Like my client, Giannis, that's a text from a woman he went on a first date with, and she said she wished the date was longer. So, if you want to crush not just your first dates, but your texting, your dating profiles, your in-person approach skills like Giannis and my hundreds of other clients, click the first link in the description to get my full formula that walks you through how we can build you a full A throughz dating process that gets you in front of model quality women in as little as 2 weeks. This is the same formula I've been using for over a decade and has helped thousands of clients. So, if you want the fastest and most efficient way to meet and date the most attractive women in your city, click the first link in the description and get my full formula now. And I'll see you in the next video. Bye-bye.