Tony Robbins Personal Power II Day 2 The Controlling Force That Directs Your Life

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Welcome back. Day two. Yesterday, we studied what really makes us successful or not. And we said that the answer is power. That this whole program is about personal power, being able to get yourself to take action and follow through. Did you do your exercise? Did you follow through on your success journal yesterday? If you didn't, please turn off this tape. Do not listen to this tape until you've done exercise from day number one.

If you did day number one, you've gotten yourself to take some kind of action. You made a decision and you used your power, maybe in a simple way, maybe in a basic way. But what happens is, as we talked about in the last tape, every single day by doing just a little bit, we begin to improve. We develop more strength. Again, like lifting weights, the first day we start lighter, and the next day a little bit heavier. And we're going to move to stronger and stronger amounts until we're able to move our life in the direction we want as quickly as we can think it. That's our goal, to be able to use our personal power on a daily basis.

Now, in order to do that, we've got to see what normally stops people from using their personal power. And that's the purpose of this tape. I want to share with you what I believe is the controlling force in all human behavior. What drives us. In other words, everyone could take action. Literally, if it's that simple. If all it takes to succeed is the ability to know what you want, take action, know if it's working, and keep changing until you get what you want, how come everybody doesn't do it?

And as we've already alluded to in this first tape, the reason is fear. And the fear is usually fear of failure, or success, or rejection. But the real word I would use for this thing we're afraid of is pain. I believe that every single person on this Earth is driven by two forces. Number one, their need to avoid pain. And number two, their desire to gain pleasure. Those two twin forces are the drive behind all human behavior.

So, let me ask you a question. My guess would be this isn't the first set of self-improvement tapes that you've invested in your lifetime. Did you really use the last set you invested in? My hallucination is the answer is no. You didn't use them, at least at the level you could have. And the reason I quote-unquote hallucinate that is, I found out the statistics show that less than 10% of the people who purchase tape programs ever listen to them in their entirety. That just blows my mind. Somebody's invested money, time, they wanted a result, but they didn't follow through. Or worse, they invested in a program and they listen to it, and then they didn't use what they listened to.

If there's anything that I'm going to try and push you to do as your friend and as your success coach, if you'll let me be that for you in this program, it's to get you to act on everything we talk about. To keep the ideas simple and focused, but get you to use them. See, you don't have to have a complicated idea to make a difference in your life. What you need are ideas that you apply. And that's what we're really going to go for 100% in this program.

But the question is, how could somebody go to school? How could somebody go to a seminar? How could somebody read an excellent book and still not produce the result? Not apply all the stuff that they've read? And you know what? I've been guilty of it too. So I'm not pointing fingers. I have. I remember I read a book and it was a great book, and it was all about how to manage my finances. And I remember reading this thing and saying, "This is great stuff! I've got to do this!" And I was inspired. But you know what? About a month later, I noticed I hadn't done anything on it. You know, I just got caught up, you know, doing things. And gosh, the phone was ringing, and I had to do this stuff at the house. And I mean, you know, I had to handle this daily. I had to take out the trash. And besides that, you know, my mom called and had to talk to her in a long time, you know. And you know, my son needed this. And you know, you get caught up. You can't get caught up. What you've got to do is you got to use your power and get yourself to follow through.

So why didn't I follow through? I obviously wanted the results that I knew this book could give me. Why haven't you followed through on some of the things you know you really want? Why not? Why haven't you used your personal power and taken action? What has prevented you from taking action? And I would suggest to you, it's what this tape is about. The two controlling forces have directed your life and kept you at times from taking action. And those forces again are the twin forces of pain and pleasure. Remember, everything we do in life, we do out of our need to avoid pain or a desire to gain pleasure.

I'll give you an example. I don't know if you're a lady listening or a gentleman. But when I speak to audiences, I'll invariably ask the ladies in the audience, "Please raise your hand if you put on makeup today." Do you know that 90% of the audience will raise their hand? Many times 99. Now think about that. Why do they put on makeup each day? Or why do you, if you're a lady, why is it? Because you wake up in the morning and say, "Look in the mirror and say, 'God, I love this process!'" I doubt it very seriously. Why you put it on is for one of two reasons. You put on the makeup because in your mind, you say, "You know, putting on makeup makes me feel more attractive." So what is that doing? Why are you taking action to gain pleasure? Or you might say, "Well, gosh, when I put on makeup, people think I'm more attracted. They feel more attracted to me." Which again makes you feel good. It makes you feel a pleasurable type of feeling. That's why you do it.

Now, some people wake up in the morning, and that's not why they put on makeup. Some women wake up in the morning and they say, "How come men don't have to do this, right?" But they still do it. Why? Because their brain says, "Well, if I don't put it on, somebody's going to say, 'What happened to your face?'" And some people, of course, do it for a combination of the two. The point is, the only reason they put it on is to avoid pain and to gain pleasure, some combination of those things.

Hey, have you ever procrastinated? You say, "What a dumb question." Of course. What is procrastination? It's the opposite of using your personal power. It's being immobilized. It's needing to do something and not following through. I call it the silent killer because it grows on you. It just kind of creeps along until pretty soon it's taking control of your life. Pretty soon you find yourself immobilized in a bunch of areas and you don't even realize it. You don't even notice all the freedom you've given up just because of procrastination.

So what is it though? Why do we procrastinate? Why do we not use our power, which is what we talked about in the first tape? Let's figure out what stops us. The reason is, when we procrastinate, it's because we think that taking action, whatever action we're putting off, that taking that action would be more painful than doing nothing or not taking action. That's the bottom line. In other words, by not taking action, we experience less pain than taking action.

Now, you might say, "Tony, but if I take action, I could get the pleasure that would come from succeeding or having the job done." That may be true. But what's more real to you when you procrastinate? Is the pain you'll have to go through to get the job done. Isn't that true? Think about it. Don't take my word for these things. You got to take whatever I say and say, "Hey, that makes sense to me or it doesn't." Don't just buy anything I share with you. Think about it. Make sure it makes sense to you. Once it does, then we got to start making sure you use it.

Now, let's look at the other side. Have you ever procrastinated for so long that at one point, it reversed on you? Where all of a sudden your brain said, "God, I got to do this, because not doing it is more painful than just getting the job done." Haven't you been caught in that place? Did you ever, we have one of those people that did your term paper like a week before, or maybe worse, the night before? The whole time doing the term paper was painful, but the night before you had, "If I don't have it done, it's going to be even more painful because I have to walk in there without it." And so all night long, you experience pain of getting the job done. Common experience for too many people. Why? Because they haven't learned how to control the motivating forces of pain and pleasure. They are the controlling force of your life.

Now, where else do they affect you? Well, let's take a look. Do you overeat? Some people say, "Well, I'm going to go on a diet. Yep. I'm just going to go out there and I'm going to starve myself and then I'm going to be real skinny." How often does that work? I'd say slim and none. In fact, studies show that 95% of the people who go on a diet within two years have not only gained the weight back, but have also usually gained an additional two pounds beyond the weight they were on when they went on the diet in the first place. See, trying to create more pain in your life rarely works. Because I got to tell you something, the need to avoid pain is biological. It's built into your nervous system. Why? Because it's a survival mechanism. And your brain is going to fight like crazy anytime it sees that you're asking to do something that's going to lead to pain.

So what do we need to do to change our eating patterns? What do we need to do so we get permanent weight loss and we have the physical health we want? Well, the first thing I would do if I were you is I'd find some of the foods that you're obviously addicted to. In other words, foods that you eat on a regular basis and you eat them in excess. Why eating them in excess? You go, "Well, because when I was growing up, these and these things happened to me." No, that's not true. There's only one reason you eat more food than you should: because it's pleasurable. Because you like to eat that chocolate. Because you think, "Good die of a chocolate," and you just go into a state where you got to have it. See, you associate deep, deep pleasure. And that's why you go for it.

Now, you say, "Yeah, but being fat is really painful." That's true. But the reason you ate the chocolate, because in that moment, what was more real to you? The pain of being fat or the pleasure of the chocolate? I would assume that it was the pleasure of the chocolate if you're overeating. So what we've got to do to make a change in our life is not go out and discipline ourselves, but to change what we link pleasure and what we link pain to.

So, what if you saw somebody that you were really attracted to and you wanted to be with them, you wanted to develop a relationship, but you didn't follow through? How come? Real simple, isn't it? Because you associated more pain to walking up and asking for a date than not doing it. You thought, "Well, gosh, but if I could do it, I could have the pleasure." But which one was a more powerful motivating force? The pleasure of being in a relationship or the potential pain of being rejected? If you didn't follow through, we know the answer, don't we? The pain.

And I'm here to tell you something, that for years, I would have probably argued with you if you would have said this to me, because I feel like I'm a real proactive person. But if there's anything that my research in human behavior has shown me time again and again and again, in most cases, pain, the need to avoid pain, is a greater motivator for people than the desire for pleasure. I hate to say that because I love to do things for proactive reasons. But I also have found that people do almost anything to avoid pain.

Now, I got a question for you. What happens when two pains come up side by side? What happens when if you do something, it's going to be painful, but if you don't do it, it's going to be painful? Which action will you take? For example, you might say, "Well, gosh, if I don't go up to this lady and meet her, then I'll never meet her again. I'll never have a relationship and I'll miss out." And you have the pain of that. But on the other side, your brain's saying, "But if you do go up and she rejects you, my gosh, then you're really going to have pain." So what determines your behavior is which pain is more intense. Does that make sense? I'm sorry to sound so simplistic, but let's talk about what really drives human behavior. And I think, I think there are certain basic fundamentals that drive our behavior. When we understand them, we can start to utilize them to change our life. And if we don't understand them, then what we do is we keep running up against the brick wall. Have you experienced that? Where you're trying to make a change, trying to make a change, trying to make a change, but it never happens? Why? Because your internal associations about pain and pleasure haven't changed. In other words, you keep thinking, "If I do this, it's going to be a ton of pain," and so you stop short.

I have a classic example in relationships. You know, a lot of people in life get this bug. They say, "I want to be in a relationship." Why? Because they think being in a relationship would mean lots of what? Pleasure, love, happiness, security, being close, all those special feelings, spirituality, right? That feeling of oneness. Then they get in a relationship and they say, "I don't want to be in a relationship, right?" All of a sudden, they begin to think relationship means pain. Or worse, they think a relationship is the most incredible thing in the world. They love this person. They give 100% of themselves. They think about them constantly. And then, as time goes by, something happens, and this person, let's say, leaves them or breaks up with them or smashes the heart into a billion pieces. Has this ever happened in your lifetime? If it hasn't, it probably will. That sounds real supportive, doesn't it? But listen, in our lifetimes, if you're going to have relationships and you're not already in one you're committed to for life, there's a chance of future disappointment. Let's just say that's possible.

I'm not one of those people that says, "Just be a positive thinker all the time." Some people tell you in life to succeed, what you're supposed to do is look at the weeds in your garden and say, "There's no weeds. There's no weeds. There's no weeds." Hey, they'll take your garden. My view is, say, "There's going to be weeds, so pull the suckers out and move on." Don't get all hung up and go, "There's weeds in my garden. How come God did this to me?" Just move on. Just realize that's part of life. And part of life is there may be times in your lifetime where people may disappoint you. That is, you may have different expectations of how they should behave than they have. If that's true, you're going to have to learn to deal with it.

The challenge is this: most people have not learned how to deal with it. Most of us don't consciously look at what we link pain and what we link pleasure to. And so our lives are in reaction instead of in control. So, for example, let's say you had a great relationship, somebody you really loved, gave 100% as we started to talk about. And then all of a sudden, one day, something bad happens. They cheated on you, they left you, they lost interest, they were less motivated or attracted than you were. What happens for some people is they have this thing called pain at this moment. And what they link up in their mind is, "Relationships equal pain."

Now, there's a problem. Because also in their mind, they have this other association in their nervous system. And that association is, "Relationships equal pleasure." So what happens in the future? Well, for a long time, this person will probably avoid relationships. You know, they won't get too attracted, they won't express themselves fully, or they'll be a little bit more closed down. Does this sound like somebody you know? Maybe somebody you know personally?

And then what happens is, eventually, you know, maybe some of the pain wears off, and they see somebody and they get attracted, or they develop a neat relationship, and it starts to grow. But there's a point in the relationship when it's going really, really well, when all of a sudden that person begins to sabotage the relationship. Now, have you ever done that? Usually, it's because inside your mind, something has happened. And your brain's going, "Oh my gosh, I'm getting all this pleasure. Ah, but I know what's happening next. Relationships will equal pain eventually. So I better get out quick before the pain gets here."

Now, I want you to realize that this idea of pain and pleasure doesn't just shape your emotional life, or whether, for example, you smoke cigarettes or overeat or whatever the case may be. But it affects every aspect of your life. Every aspect. Big things and little things. You know, sometimes business people say to me, "Boy, this pain-pleasure thing, this really affects my business, doesn't it?" I said, "Affect your business? It's everything!" I mean, it all comes down to people don't even buy the best product anymore. They buy the product they associate the most pleasure to and the least pain. You know, all marketing is, when you watch the commercials, them trying to get you to link pleasure to their product and pain to the competition.

Management is understanding pain and pleasure. What drives somebody? Because if you want to motivate a human being, you got to find out what already motivates them. If you want to influence them, you got to find out what already influences them. What do they already link pain or pleasure to? I mean, I'll give you an example. I worked with a gentleman. He was one of the first people that I took on as a private client. Now, I have a group of people that pay me between $1 and $4 million a year to personally coach them. They don't say that to impress you, but I want to impress upon you, these people will not pay that kind of money unless they get real results. And this man was the first client I took on. Was a man who made a half a billion dollars in one day. One of the top financial traders in the world. That's pretty amazing. But then he went through this challenge. And the challenge was, he couldn't get himself to make any money for almost nine straight months. He was losing money. And so he tried everything to turn things around. And pretty soon, as you might guess, he linked major pain to trading. Because every time he traded, he'd lose. His old identity was, he was the best in the world. So he hired me to come in because he was at the point where he literally couldn't get himself to go into the office, because going to the office equaled pain. I mean, can you imagine someone that good being that shut down in what I would call learned helplessness? And the man was really a genius, but his conditioning was taking over.

So I came in and helped him to change this pain-pleasure. I also helped him to evaluate and study him to find out what was he doing at his very best when he was the best in the world? What was he doing with his body? Which we're going to teach you about something called state and physiology in this program. The very things I did with him. What was he doing differently in the way he made decisions? How was he evaluating things? A lot of what this program teaches, I did with him personally. And I began to turn him around. And most importantly, getting to link massive pleasure to trading, along with making sure he was using the right principles. You can get all pumped up and excited, link pleasure, and do the wrong thing. So by combination of those aspects, within less than 12 months of coaching him, and I did this seeing him once a month and then talking to him about once a week on the phone and daily through faxes, he made more than $100 million. Turned things completely around and developed momentum again.

So I just want you to get this is really important for you if you're in business, as well as important for you in your personal life. And also, it doesn't matter how tough things are. You know, I dealt with a woman a couple of years ago who had 152 personalities, and she started splitting in the middle of my seminar. And in 45 minutes, I was able to help her to integrate herself. And the way I did that was by understanding the relationship of these six human needs, as well as the principle of pain and pleasure.

So I want you to know, when you master this area of your life, you can change virtually anything. And you've got to master it around the area of learning. Because if you think about it, as we move in the 21st century now, things are changing so rapidly. The one skill you got to have is the ability to learn rapidly. And you know what? We're in school, we link massive pain to learning, most of us. And so kids, boy, you can turn them around so easily when you entertain them a little bit. You know, I've tried to make this little tape program somewhat entertaining. I just got my voice to try and do it and tease you and push you. But hopefully, you can feel the difference. And you will over the next few days as we go through each day, day after day, building momentum.

But I can tell you, one of the reasons we now do our programs in movie theaters all across the country, where I do a seminar and we satellite it all over the nation, is we use that big screen and we use entertainment. We call it EBED. We give you the very best education on Earth, something you can immediately use, that you can see measurable results from. But we make it entertaining. And then empowering, so you follow through. So you're not learning in a passive mode. Most people think, "Oh my God, I'm going to sit in a seminar for eight hours. That's got to be the most burnout thing possible." Well, we have people that go for three days and they have the best time of their life. Because I believe the information age is dead. I mean, we have so much information coming at us now. It's on the internet, and it's on CD-ROMs, and we've got 500 television channels. And then we got me here, I am again, dumping more on you, right? But you know what the secret is? To realize there's so much information. The only stuff we pay attention to is the stuff that moves us emotionally. Something that inspires us, or makes us laugh, or makes us cry, or makes us feel. That's the stuff we remember. And that's the stuff we use.

So pain and pleasure is shaping every area of your life. And what we want to do in this tape is really start to take control of it, so we're not in reaction to our old conditioning, but we're in charge of it. And the first step to that is awareness of this principle. The awareness that this is shaping us and how it works. So the controlling force of our life, then, the thing that directs our life, is what we link pain and what we link pleasure to. Think about it. Advertisers know all about this, don't they? Advertisers know that if we're going to get people to take action, to use their power, to buy things, we got to get them to associate pleasurable feelings to our product, or show them how they can eliminate some pain they already have by buying our product.

Think about it. Isn't that what they really did in those old AT&T commercials? AT&T tried to give you the pleasure and the pain. What did they do? They didn't come on with a commercial and say, "Listen, I know you miss your mother. Call." No, no, no. First, they took out a big knife and they stabbed you in the chest with it, right? They came out there and they showed this poor old lady saying, "Gosh, my son hasn't called me in forever. I miss him. He probably doesn't even love me anymore. Oh my gosh, I'm being left alone." So all the grandmas in the world start to feel pain because they realize their son hasn't called them in at least 15 minutes. On the other side, right, here's the sons out there in the world, and or daughters, who are watching this going, "Guilt, guilt. Oh gosh, I've been busy. Oh gosh, I need to call and everything else." And pretty soon, what happens is, in the same 30 seconds after making you feel all this pain for not calling, they then show you that by calling, you'll get what? Pleasure. How does it work? In the same 30 or 60-second commercial, what happens is the son picks up the phone and calls Mom, and she smiles. "Oh my gosh, he does love me." And she smiles, and the music comes on behind it, and he's smiling, and there's an incredible bond and connection. You just feel your heart opening. And at the end of it, they say, "Don't let your family drift away." And what's happened in 60 seconds? They've gotten you to link to their product a way to avoid pain, plus they stirred up some of your pain, made you hurt a little more so you're more motivated, and simultaneously shown you how you can heal it and get pleasure just by picking up this little device that's nearby that they'll make money if you take action on.

Now, I'm not against it because I think it's a great tool. But I want you to realize it's a pain-pleasure commercial. And then there was City Bank Visa, right? It's interesting to see what City Bank used to motivate people versus say, American Express. And what they used. They both had two classic commercials. In the City Bank commercial, there's a dark background, and a man comes on, and he's got a lot of pain. And he says, "Yeah, I got the phone call. It's 4:00 in the morning. My father was having a heart attack. I had no money." Then all of a sudden, it comes on, and the City Bank lady comes on with a smile. And says, "You know, we heard about his problem. And she said, 'We wanted to help.' He called us, he told us what he needed the money for. We gave him the credit." It goes back to the man. "Yep, because the City, City Bank was there. I was there at my father's hospital bed, thanks to City Bank. People who care."

Now, what's the implication here? Well, if you want to solve the pain in your life, just get a City Bank Visa, and they'll handle it. You need more money? Hey, just call. They'll handle it. They understand. Well, that's an interesting way of looking at things. On the other side, you got American Express, where you see two achiever-type of people who are obviously quite successful, and they've lost their luggage. They're really in a painful state. They're kind of angry. And all of a sudden, a man turns to his wife, being the loving man that he is, and says, "Honey, forget about the luggage. Let's just go buy things. Do you have your American Express card? Great." And they go on the shopping spree, and they buy everything, and they're in Greece, and they're overlooking the water. And all of a sudden, the man turns to the woman and says, "Gosh, I wonder where the luggage is." And she just begins to laugh and says, "Who cares?" And on the stage comes the American Express card. So what do you do? You associate, "God, if you got an American Express card, you're going to go to Greece. Your husband's going to buy you things. You're going to be in an incredible place."

The bottom line is, it works. It absolutely works. Advertisers in this country spend billions of dollars because they understand that in 60 seconds, they can change our behavior with a little repetition, just by changing what we link pain to and what we link pleasure to. That's it.

Now, you remember those Pepsi commercials with Michael Jackson? Here's a guy that doesn't even drink Pepsi, and yet he was paid $15 million for 10 seconds of his time. Why? Because large numbers of people in our country, when they hear Michael Jackson's music, feel great. They feel a level of pleasure. And all they have to do is see him or hear his music, and they feel it. In fact, they want that pleasure so much, they bought more of his records than anybody in history. So what happens? Well, a little company comes along named Pepsi, and they say, "Look, we want people to feel that way about Pepsi. Let's just do a little conditioning here. Let's get them to associate those feelings to our product. Then they'll want our product as much as they want Michael Jackson." That's why they paid him $15 million. I mean, how do they do it? Well, you got to wait till the next tape to find out how they did it. But right now, let's just get really clear about that. Yeah, that's right. I want to make sure you tune in tomorrow. That's right.

But meanwhile, just get clear. Pain and pleasure are the biggest motivators. And of the two, again, I must say, we will do more to avoid pain usually than we ever will to gain pleasure. I mean, think about it. Which would you work harder for? To save $25,000, save it up? Or to keep somebody from stealing $25,000 from you? I would say usually you'll do more to avoid the pain. Most people in life, in fact, don't succeed until they have enough pain. I mean, think about it. Some of the greatest success stories that we could talk about are people that finally hit rock bottom, where they had so much pain, they couldn't stand anymore, and that drove them for the pleasure of success.

You know, there are all kinds of stories. Og Mandino is a gentleman I really enjoy his books. I don't know if you've read them, but they're worth picking up. One is called "The Greatest Salesman in the World." Here's a gentleman who hit rock bottom, who was an absolute drunk, who was living out of on the streets, who had no future. Who the only way he could stay warm during the winter was to wander into the libraries. And as he did, he began to pick up some books and read some books and actually feed his mind, very much like you've committed yourself to do for these 30 days. And the stimulation there began to change his life. And what happened was, he felt that he had so much pain in his life that that was it. That he was no longer willing to experience that. And in his mind, he saw that there was a way to gain pleasure by developing himself, by growing. He eventually went to work for W. Clement Stone and became the editor-in-chief of Success magazine. We already talked about Larry King. How his pain drove him to success. I mean, think about it. What are some of the things you've missed out on in your life simply because, even though you wanted the pleasure of achieving them or obtaining them or making those things happen, your brain also said, "Yeah, but it could lead to pain." And that pain stopped you from following through, using your power, and getting the results. Has it happened more than once in your life? You and I both know it has.

So how can we use this understanding of the controlling force? How, how can we use the understanding that pain is a greater motivator than even pleasure? Well, the way to use it is to begin to understand that in any moment in time, our reality is based on whatever we focus on. That is, at any moment in time, whatever you focus on is what's most real to you. For example, if you're looking at that piece of chocolate and you think about eating the chocolate, and you just let your mind flow based on its old associations, it might say, "Yum-o, it's time to eat." You might immediately get that pleasure feeling. And as long as you focus on the pleasure you're going to get, and that is your primary focus, and that's what's most real to you, then you're going to be drawn towards the chocolate.

But haven't you also had times where you didn't eat the chocolate, or you didn't eat something that normally you're kind of addicted to? Haven't there been times when you've stopped yourself? How have you done that? The answer is, you changed your focus. And you focused on the pain. You probably would experience, or the pleasure you would get by not eating the chocolate. So what you did is, instead of just thinking intellectually, "Well, yeah, not not eating the chocolate will make me thinner," you literally focused on, "Hey, I'm going to be going to this particular ball, and I want to look like a million bucks. I want to feel strong. And if I eat that chocolate, I'm going to feel lousy. I'm going to feel bloated. I'm going to feel heavy." So you began to focus on all the pain, plus all the pleasure you'd get by not eating it, and your behavior changed. Isn't that true? If you've ever stuck to a diet, for example, isn't it true that the way you stuck to it is, one day you finally got to the point where you'd had it. You said, "Look, I looked in the mirror one day," or "Somebody said something to you," or "You noticed that you were just feeling sloppy and tired," and you went through what I call threshold. Threshold is when you experience so much pain, you said, "I've had it. That's it. No more." And then you begin to find a way to change it.

Well, I believe that you can do this with anything at any moment in time. And I know you can. All you've got to do is control your mental focus. So if you want to change your behavior, you must focus on how not doing something is going to be more painful than just going for it. In other words, link not taking action is being more painful than just doing it. Just the way we talked about with procrastination. Do it to yourself upfront. Don't wait till life puts you in a pressure situation where you feel like you have to do something. Does that make sense?

So how can we use this in other areas of our life? Do the same thing. You want to connect with somebody, you want to make sure you communicate with them. Then think about, "If I don't do this, I know I feel busy, I know I feel overloaded. But if I don't call them here on their birthday or on Easter, how's it going to make them feel? How am I going to feel?" And now that would be painful. If I just made the call and I connect with them and they feel appreciated, how's that going to make me feel? Pleasurable. Use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. That's the secret to success. You do that, and you're in control of your life. You don't do that, and life controls you. And unfortunately for most people, life controls them. So let's change it.

And in the next tape, we're going to talk about specifically how to change what we associate pain and pleasure to. But step number one is just getting clear that this is the controlling force of your life. If there's anything you want to do and you can't figure out why you're not doing it, there's a simple answer: you link more pain to doing it than not doing it. Hey, if you don't have enough money, for example, I know that's an issue for a lot of people. It was for a good deal of my life. If you don't have money, there's only one reason: you link more pain to having more money than to not having it.

Now, you say, "Okay, Tony, you've been okay up until now. Now you've gone over threshold. I don't buy that theory." Hey, I wouldn't have bought it either. But it's true. I got to tell you something. You're an intelligent person. You have the ability to produce results. You had enough personal power to make a phone call, put your money on the line, and now you're following through and listening to it. You're in that top 1/10th of 1% literally. I mean, you aren't just somebody who's just hanging out. You're willing to do something about it. Even with all of that, your ability to follow through, if you don't have the money that you want in your life, it's not because you're not smart enough. It's not because you don't have the ability. It's not because there isn't money available. There's plenty of money in the world. If you don't have any, that's because there's something inside of you that you link pain to having it.

And the reason I say that is, I don't care who it is that I've interviewed or modeled or done a personal consultation with. If they have got a lack of abundance financially, it's because of two things: Number one, they absolutely, in their gut, somewhere in their subconscious mind, they think money is going to mean pain. That if I have money, then what's going to happen is, "Get it! Oh gosh, I'm going to have to put all this effort, and that'll be so painful. After all, I'm kind of comfortable where I am. Yeah, I'd like more money, but you know, I'm kind of feeling pretty good here. And know, I'm feeling pretty pleasurable here. But God, having money would take some pain." So they don't follow through.

Or in order to have money, you've got to take advantage of other people. And that person has that belief. And you and I, we're not going to take advantage of people. In our gut, we wouldn't allow ourselves to do that. That would be ultimate pain for most of us. So we're not going to do that. Now, I know there's some people that don't link pain to taking advantage of people, but most people, I think, do in their heart. So you don't want to do that. So that's painful. Or they've got linked up, "Well, if you make money, then people are going to judge you. All of a sudden, they're, you're going to be ostracized." Or maybe somewhere in your mind, you believe, "Oh gosh, if I make that much money and I make it to the top financially, I'll be all alone. I'll be lonely at the top." Hey, that's a bunch of garbage. It is not lonely at the top. It's true, the bottom is more crowded, but there's plenty of room at the top. And if you do things in a way that supports the people around you, you can take your friends with you financially.

The point is, that if you don't have the money, it's because you link pain to it. There's more pain. Imagine motivating your life as being a scale, if you would. And on one side is pain, and the other is pleasure. And your brain is always weighing, "If I take this action, what's it going to mean? More pleasure and less pain, or more pain and less pleasure?" If you're not following through, it's because you've got that scale weighted in the opposite direction as it needs to be. And if you're going to change your behavior and use your personal power, then you've got to change what you associate pain and pleasure to.

If you're sabotaging your success in any area of your life, it's exactly the same reason. You're having what I call approach-avoidance. That is, you have a mixed set of associations about pain and pleasure. As I gave you the earlier example in a relationship, I want to be in a relationship, it will mean pleasure. But then you get into it, and you start to notice things, and your brain says, "Oh, it might end. It might mean pain." And so you start to make relationships work, and you sabotage them. You may do the same thing financially. I want money because money will mean for me maybe more freedom, or I could give to my friends, or I could buy my kids something, or I could travel the world, or I could learn something new, or I could hire this best coach in the world to do something for me. And yet, at the same time, your brain's going, "Yeah, but then I'll get judged." Or, "Yeah, I'll have to give up all the stuff." Or, "I'll have no time with my family." And all this pain. And so you don't follow through, and you begin to sabotage financially.

If you're going to change that once and for all, forever, you've got to right now decide that you control the focus of your mind. And that if you're not following through, all all you have to do is focus on, "What's the pain I'm going to have if I don't do this?" Most of us focus on, "Well, what will be the pain if I take action?" And we keep ourselves from using our personal power. Your focus has to be, "What will be the pain if I don't do it? What will be the ultimate price if I don't follow through? What will it cost me emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially in my life? What will happen to the juice and passion of my life if I don't follow through?" If you start asking those questions, you'll be able to motivate yourself.

And when we get into the goal-setting workshop in this tape program, you're going to find that I'm going to show you not only how to set goals and find out why you're going for them, which most people don't know, which is why they don't follow through. They just set up a goal. "I want to be rich. I want to be happy. I want a better job. I want a better relationship." We're going to get the reasons that'll drive you. But we're also going to have you really focus on, "Hey, what's going to be the cost if you don't do it?" We're going to use this powerful force within us to create lifelong success.

So I want you to remember this tape. I know I've said some of the same basic ideas over and over again. Repetition is the mother of skill. And I hope you listen to this again, again. I want you to hammer into yourself, if you will, anchor into yourself that you're in control. And that you have the ability to change your focus and therefore change your behavior instantly by learning to control pain and pleasure and what you link them to.

So let me give you an assignment. And then tomorrow, we're going to show you how to make changes rapidly. But let's make some changes right now, okay? Take out your success journal. And in your success journal, I want you to write down four actions that you need to take in your life that you've been putting off. Now, I know you made some decisions a day or so ago, but I want you to look at four more things. What are four actions that you need to take? Maybe you need to lose some weight. Maybe you need to stop smoking. Maybe what you need to do is need to make a phone call you haven't followed through on. Maybe it's initiating a new job interview for you. Maybe what it is is communicating to somebody that you really, really are attracted to. Or maybe it's, you're in a relationship with somebody and you haven't communicated how much you really love them in a long time, real directly. You kind of taken it for granted. I don't know what it is. But I want you right now to write down what are four actions that you could take immediately that you've been putting off. You know you should take, but you haven't done it. Again, make these four different than the ones you already did yesterday. Don't go, "Well, I did two of them yesterday, so that means I have to do two more today." No. Remember, I said each day we're going to do a little more. We're going to increase the weights. We're going to develop more muscle, more will, more power. That's what we're doing right now. So you're going to write down four new actions. Write four simple actions that you're going to take. And then what I want you to do is, I want you to be honest with yourself. I want to write down under each action that you've not taken that you know you should, I want you to write down what is the pain that you associate that's kept you from taking

Action in the past. Let's just get clear because I guarantee you that if you've not taken action, it's because you associated more pain of taking action than not. Okay, you've heard that about 19 times, but you're going to hear it again and again till you start to use it.

You know, I, I once heard a story about this great minister. And people came to his church and I listen to him, you know, give this great sermon, and it was a phenomenal sermon. And then they came back the next week, and he got up and gave the same sermon. And the third week, it was the same sermon. And after about five sermons in a row of the exact same sermon, a couple of the elders in the church decided to pull the minister aside and see if he was okay. And they said, "Sir, um, I don't know quite how to communicate this to you, but are you aware that some of what you've been saying has been pretty much identical as to what you said the last week, and the week before, and the week before?" And the minister just smiled very calmly. Said, "Oh, I'm glad you noticed." Said, "Well, why are you doing that?" He said, "I'm going to keep doing this sermon until you guys start applying it." So if I sound like I'm giving a sermon that sounds like the same one, it is. We're going to make sure you apply it and make sure you embed it.

So, one, write down the four actions. Two, make sure you write down what is the pain that you've associated to doing this in the past. And just be honest with yourself. And if you say, "Tony, I have no pain associated to it," well, then think a little stronger. Maybe the pain is simple. Maybe it's like, well, the pain of taking, taking the time. It'll be more painful to take the time to do it than other things you're really more caught up in and that you think will give you more pleasure. But write it down.

Third step, I want you to write down all the pleasure you've gotten by not following through. Because sometimes by not following through, it's giving you pleasure too. You go, "Well, I don't understand." Well, let's say, for example, you think you should lose some weight. And that specifically in order to get that done, one of the actions you should take is to stop eating mass quantities of chocolate or sugar or ache or whatever it is. Okay? Now, why haven't you done that? Well, answer number one, because you associate pain to dieting. In fact, what are the first three letters in the word diet? That ought to give you a clue why most people want to avoid it. They feel like they're dying. The bottom line is that's kind of painful. So what have you done? You've associated taking something away. Loss equals pain. For most of us, if we feel like we're losing something or giving something up, we feel like, like losing weight, it's going to be painful. So you go, "Well, gosh, I would be taking something away. I would be taking away things I used to have pleasure eating." So that's pain. What are all the pains you would associate? Step three, what's the pleasure you get by still eating? Well, you get the pleasure of eating chocolate. You get that momentary feeling inside. So that's step number three.

Step number four, I want you to write down the opposite. What do I mean by that? What I mean is I want you to write down what it will cost you if you don't change. That is, if you don't stop eating chocolate in mass quantities, if you don't stop smoking, if you don't make that phone call that you know you need to make, if you don't start consistently working out each day, if you don't go out and really make an effort, even though it may be difficult, to get through to that person who in the past has made you mad. If you don't do that, what's it going to cost you? And be honest with yourself. What will it cost you over the next two, three, four, five years? What's it going to cost you emotionally? What's it going to cost you in your self-image? What will it cost you in your physical energy level? What will it cost you in your feelings of self-esteem? What will it cost you financially? What will it cost you in your direct relationships with the people you care about most? And I really want you to hone it down. And how does that make you feel? In other words, don't just go, "Well, it'll cost me money. Well, I will be fat." That's not enough. You've got to remember what drives us are our emotions, not our just our intellect. So get emotional about it. What will it cost you? And how would that make you feel to not get those results in your life over the next two, three, four, five years?

And here's the final key. Take the final step. And that is, under each of these four actions, write down what will you gain by taking this action right now? What are all the things you'll gain? And make a huge list that will really drive you emotionally. Hey, I'll gain the feelings of being in control of my life. I'll gain the feelings of knowing that I'm in charge. I'll gain a level of self-confidence. I'll gain physical energy and health. I'll gain stronger relationships. I'll develop more willpower that I can use in every other area of my life. I'll gain, I'll gain, I'll gain, I'll gain. My life will be better in all these ways now and over the next two, three, four, five years by taking this action. In other words, look at the impact of these things, present and long-term.

So let me leave you this for today. There are two things that control our lives: the carrot and the stick. The stick is pain, and the carrot is pleasure. Use the two of them to point yourself. Because if you don't, there are plenty of other people in this world who are paid large sums of money to direct you. Advertisers do it. Do it to yourself. Learn to advertise in your own mind and take control now. Do your exercise right now. Again, don't put it off. Go through these five steps right now. Don't wait. Don't put it off. Do it immediately. Don't say, "I'm going to do it later in the day." Please do it right now. And I'll see you tomorrow. Have a great day and live with passion.