Transcription
If you've ever tried to cipher a code, you know that oftentimes there is one key that you need in order to figure the whole thing out. And if you can get this one key, the whole thing kind of comes into stark resolution. You can see the entire picture of what's trying to be presented to you. And that's what I'm going to talk to you guys about today.
There's one aspect to the nature of women that we men are extremely naive to because it's so fundamental to who we are that we can't imagine that it could be so different for them. But if we understand this one thing and understand that it's in their nature, it's not a behavioral thing. It's like dogs bark because it's who they are. It's in their nature to bark. Women do this because it's in their nature. It's not something that they choose. It's not behavioral. You can't train it out of them very easily. But if you understand this one thing about them, then everything else starts to make sense.
And so today, we're going to talk about the key to the cipher of understanding female behavior in romantic relationships, marriage in particular, because I think that's when you're really talking about the big leagues. That's when it really matters. So, let's get into it.
When I was growing up, my dad was in the Navy and he was a cryptologist, which is quite appropriate for this topic since that's what codebreaking is all about. And um we would get stationed in different places all around the world, but oftentimes they would be with the same group of families. We would end up getting moved around from one place to another. And my friends would show up at the new place. So that was really cool. So I had a best friend from the time that I was I want to say like five or six years old, maybe six years old, well into my late 30s. So, this is a friendship that lasted a really, really long time.
And when you live on base, there's tons and tons of stuff to get into. And back in those days when parents weren't really paying attention anyway, being on a military base gave parents an additional layer of, I guess, security, safety, and knowing that their kids were okay because they really could only go so far. And hell, there were military police all over the place. And you're always going to run into somebody that's going to bail you out of trouble. Anyway, he and I had so many misadventures. I can only tell you it was uh I could write a book just about all these crazy things that we did. But um one thing we had going for us is as best friends, we were always there for each other no matter what. No matter what, we were um inseparable. And when we got into trouble, we always had each other's backs. Always. Never once did we ever let each other down. And we were in some pretty hairy situations. My friend's name was Mike, and he taught me what it meant to be and to have a best friend.
Throughout my life, I had plenty of other friends and that same theme applied where you kind of had your friends' backs. You were generally loyal to them and when things would go sideways, you would cover for them. And that's just what it was to be a boy back in the era of very little supervision. You had to cover for each other. There was always a threat of uh serious repercussions and that usually involved a belt. Very seldom did that threat ever get realized, but there was always that threat. So covering was a uh necessity for everyone involved.
Anyway, so when we meet that perfect girl, you know the one, the one that you think is going to make your life right. She's going to make you a man. She's going to take you from being a boy to being a man. You're going to learn everything you ever wanted to know, and you're going to have personal, full-time access to your own female body. Oh my god, it's going to be the best. But before you can get there, there's a commitment involved. And as a man, when we go in to make a commitment, well, we have a certain understanding of what that commitment means. And for me, and I think for a lot of you guys, that commitment means what I just described, you know, and it's even in the vows, you know, do you take this woman and this man, you know, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, for in sickness and health, all that stuff? I mean, that's that's what it's all about, you know. And so we anticipate that that's what we're getting. We're getting that level of uh commitment. And uh we have every reason to believe that she has the same understanding as we do. Unfortunately, that's not always the case.
So where men are accustomed to that idea of being loyal and having each other's back, women don't. But when men go into that relationship, into that marriage in particular, that vow that is said strikes a chord with us. You know, you're saying it there in front of God and everybody. You know, all your friends, your family, her friends, her family, everyone's there and we're all saying it together, you know, um, and sickness and health and richer or poorer and all that stuff. To us, it sounds like the kind of relationship we had with our buddies, with our best friends. Like, that's the way we feel about it. It's like we're we're in for good no matter what. I mean, I could probably still call my old best friend if I needed to dispose of a body. I think he can come and help me, not ask any questions. Like, there are not many people like that. That's what you think you're getting with a wife. Unfortunately, that's not the way they're made.
Um, now I'm being general here, and I'm sure there could be some women out there that might meet that criteria. Um women who perhaps have had a lot of um male companionship like good father, good brothers, that kind of stuff growing up would be uh you know potential opportunist for having that same kind of belief about marriage. But in general the vast majority of women are not in it for that. Women um connect with you because they believe it's in their own best interest to do so. That is their nature. Going back to the beginning of time, women had to care for babies. They had to um know that they were going to be protected. They had to um they had to look for the best opportunity. And congratulations when you met her and she decided that you were a good guy. You were that best opportunity. However, that vow is only half right. So richer, they're there. Poorer, not so sure. Um, health absolutely they're with you when you're healthy. Sick, maybe not so reliable. Um, good times, bad times, good times. Yeah, you get them for good times, but things go really bad, you get really sick or you get really poor, don't be shocked if they bail on you. Just don't.
Um, and this was the misconception that I had in my own marriage. I believed that I had a new best friend. I thought, "Okay, she's my new my new pal." I mean, and she's got all kinds of good equipment that my old pals didn't have. So, there's gonna be a lot of fun things that we can do together that I couldn't do with my old pal, Mike. So, I was all in to this marriage thing. It seemed like this was the best of both worlds. Um, I get uh a best friend and I get access to all the equipment in a girl. So, yeah, it's like I could have sex anytime I wanted. At least that's what I thought. And um and I had a pal that I knew had my back no matter what. No, that's not what I got.
I've had this conversation with my ex-wife on a number of occasions and she says that she left for reasons other than the fact that I was down and out and my finances were a wreck and all that stuff. But I knew that our marriage, and she did too, was kind of in bad shape for at least a decade before um she left. Now, if she had left just a few years earlier, she could have had me for alimony for a good chunk of change, probably 70 or $80,000 a year. Um but things were good then. We had money. Oh, where you going, Debb? Hey, pal. Deboo, come back. Yep. You can't go any further than that, man. Oh, yesterday Debb fell in deep water. It's not good. No, you got to come this way, pal. That's it. Wow. So agile. Um yeah, but she left when things were bad and there was no money to take and so um yeah, she didn't get anything out of me. But she certainly has paid a very high price for it and and I feel pretty bad for her. That you know that's just what you get the decisions you make in life.
But for you guys out there who are considering getting into a marriage or you're looking back at your marriage and wondering what the hell happened, I think that most of us misunderstand women at that level. We don't realize that that level of guy to guy loyalty is not built into their system. They just don't they just don't do that. They don't have it in them. So don't resent them for it. I mean, you can't be angry at your dog for for barking. So, um, yeah, you just got to you just got to ride it out.
I know that when I became aware that she was not happy in our marriage for whatever reason, um, I felt a sense of betrayal quite honestly. And I think that most men do and I think that's a waste of energy quite honestly. I mean, I understand why men feel betrayed. I mean, like I said, I felt betrayed, but I do think it's a waste of energy because it's just their nature to behave in ways um that are in their own best interest. And the problem with a long-term relationship and marriage is that it does require someone who's extremely mature and um someone who can see the long game and understands that there's eb and flow to the relationship. And if you marry someone who is emotionally immature, as I did, it's very likely that when things start to get a little tough from time to time or get boring or she starts to feel like she's put upon because she's doing, you know, all the child rearing and stuff like that, then um yeah, it's very likely that she's going to feel dissatisfied in the relationship. And um yeah, when that happens, the opportunity for her to want to bail is going to be pretty strong. So, it's again, it's not about you really. It's just about who they are. It's not a um something they have control over. It's the way they're they're made. It's in their nature. It's like right now, Jack, I mean, um Deb's over here digging a hole. It's just in his nature to dig holes. And God knows what he's finding in there, but uh I'm sure it's not good, but there's no point in getting upset with him because it's just who he is as a dog.
I think as men marriage is such a right of passage for us and it's such a transition from being boy to being man and taking on responsibility and joining society that we put all this energy into it. It's something that we believe has an enormous amount of meaning. We give it a lot of meaning. And so we fear its failure because we're getting into this relationship with this person, this opposite sex, this person from another planet in some ways, and we're trusting in her all of our persona, our ego, our um our identity. And we need it to work. Unfortunately, nobody teaches us anything about women and their very nature growing up. It's almost as if there's a taboo about it. Women learn all about men. Men are very simple to understand and we're very predictable in many, many ways. Deboo, stop it. Women on the other hand kind of operate on a different operating system. You know, they have a different process for everything. They don't work in the same ways, the ways that we would expect. And as a result, we don't know how to respond to them when things start to change or they relationship starts to go in different directions.
When it comes to loyalty, that idea that we're going to have this loyal partner in a relationship, that's something that I feel like we really need to wrap our brains around because we go into a relationship with this romantic idea that we're going to have this best friend who's going to be there with us forever no matter what. And if you want that, you're probably going to need to hang out with your old pals, your old friends, because they'll be there no matter what. Your wife will not. She is not that kind of animal. Um, if dogs are men, you know, women are cats. Dogs will stick with you till the very end. Cats, they like you when you're nearby, but if you're not nearby, they're fine, you know, and and cats are kind of like that. Women are kind of like that. J, where you going, pal? Oh my god, these dogs are crazy today. Relax, you guys.
Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the video. If you have, please like and subscribe. If you know somebody who's about to get married or somebody who's even going through a divorce and is trying to reconcile in their head, what the hell went wrong? Why is she acting like this? Why am I feeling so betrayed? Maybe this will help. Maybe it'll help them see the light. And if you're going into a relationship, you know, do away with all those romantic ideas that she's going to be there no matter what. Cuz the likelihood that she is is not the case. And if it turns out that she is, and you lower your expectations, not expecting that she's going to hang in there with you, and she does, what a great surprise that would be. But if you go in there thinking she's going to be there through thick and thin, and she drops you the first time something goes wrong, you won't be shocked. All right, you guys. Oh my god. Anyway, uh catch you next time.