Transcription
Be the woman that he never leaves. Get in here. Get in here. Get in here, 'cause I'm going to teach you three ways that you can become the kind of woman that men never want to leave. I'm going to tell you this right now. This is extremely powerful and it works extremely well. And how do I know that it works well? Well, darling, because for over 15 years, I've been teaching an audience that is now almost 6 million people all over the world how to get what they want using feminine energy, and this works in life, love, business. It works everywhere.
Get in here. Get in here. Get in here. Click like. Click share. Let's talk. When I say become the kind of woman that he never leaves, that he never wants to leave, that does not mean that... Let me start with what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean that every man that you meet is going to be the perfect man for you, and that, and that every man with whom you become this way, that you're going to actually want to keep. No, no, no, no, no.
When I say become the kind of woman that he doesn't, that he'll never want to leave, what I'm saying is this: With every man that you encounter that you think you could have a future with, you need to literally use the most powerful parts of your feminine energy to pull him in in a way where if it doesn't work, it'll be because you choose to end it, and not because he chooses to end it. This is a way to help minimize, if not prevent, the risk of you getting ghosted, and also, more importantly, to prevent the risk of you getting broken up with or dumped.
Get in here. Get in here. Get in here, darling, okay? When I say become the kind of woman that he never will want to leave, what I'm telling you is this. And get your pen and paper out. Write out. Write down what I'm going to say. You got to get in his head, baby. You got to get in his head. I mean this with every fiber of my being, baby, okay? And I know some of y'all are going to hear this. Y'all say, "MJ, this sounds like manipulation. If I got to do all of this to get a man, I don't want a man at all."
[Sighs and gasps]
Okay. Well, you've chosen your life of being single forever, and I hope that that's a blessed life for you. But if you do want a man, what you have to understand is that the power dynamic will never be equal, ever. There will always be someone who has more power, someone who's more desired. And the question is not, "Should it be this way?" The question is, "Don't you want to be the one who's more desired?"
So, when I say become the kind of woman that he never wants to leave, the first thing that you have to do is, when you first get with him, you have to remember one thing: Men will always remember how you make them feel. They will come back to you for a feeling more than anything else. Your beauty is what attracts them, and that's why you have to take care of yourself and make sure that you always look good. But ultimately, what will make him come back for a second date, a third date, a fourth date, will make him take you on trips, will make him chase you, will make him do everything and anything to keep you, is based on how you make him feel.
Listen to me when I tell you this. Your first step when you are meeting him is that as you're getting to know him, you know how men love to talk about themselves. Some of them are so stupid that they don't even understand that they should be asking you, like, "Well, what about you?" and ask me questions about yourself. They just don't understand. I'm... They're not stupid, but you know what I mean. I'm a man, so I can say these things, right? Some of them are just so, um, empty-headed. Is that better? That they don't even understand that there should be reciprocity in conversation. That's a good thing, baby. Use it in your favor. Let him talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk about himself. In fact, you're going to encourage him to talk about himself. You're going to ask him deep questions that are what we call leading open-ended questions. Never ask him questions that are yes or no. And I'm going to give you examples. Don't ask him questions that are yes or no answers. Ask him questions he can elaborate on, 'cause you want him to talk about himself so that you can learn about what are the things that motivate him, what are the things that make him proud, what are the things that make him feel good, because that's what you're going to market to.
Okay? I've been in the sales industry for a long time, okay? I have insurance agencies. I'm not just this pretty, just based on being on camera, darling, okay? I literally worked my behind off, honey, okay? I have started some of America's largest independently owned financial services companies, insurance agencies, and I've done a lot of different things. I teach people how to sell. I work with over 20,000 um sales professionals over the years. I know what I'm doing. And so when I'm telling you how to motivate people to do things, I know exactly what I'm talking about, okay? It works out easy with men. When it comes to selling anyone anything, especially men, and you're selling yourself to a man, think about it not in a literal sense, but you are selling yourself to a man. When it comes to selling anything to anyone, the best salesmen listen first. They spend 80% of their time listening about what the other person is saying and 20% of the time offering that person exactly what that person said that they wanted. Literally. Let them talk more and they'll teach you how to sell to them. You understand what I'm saying?
So, what you want to do is you're going to get him talking about himself. Questions like, "So, where are you from?" Start easy. Start light. You don't want to sound like you're interviewing him. "So, where you from? Really? Wow. So, I have to ask you this question. I'm just curious. What do you do for a living? Don't tell me what you do for a living. I want to guess. Can I guess? Can I get three guesses?" And like you can go ahead and guess. Guess something that is incredible. Hmm. You seem very analytical. I can tell that about you. Hmm. Are you a doctor? No? Okay, I get two more guesses. Just two more. Two more. Two more. I don't want any hints. Hmm. Are you like one of those IT kind of professionals, like those people who are like really specialized, do all that AI stuff? No? Hmm. Well, what do you do? Yeah, just give me a hint. Really? Wow. Okay. No, I'm... I would have never guessed that, but you know what, it makes sense 'cause you're so analytical. Let me ask you this. How'd you end up choosing that field? Like, what inspired you to go into that? You want to ask him questions that make him feel like he's the most interesting man on Earth. This starts with the first conversation, the first date. It's got to start there. Okay? Really? Wow. Everything he says is really, wow.
Some of y'all are sitting here, "That sounds like a performance, MJ. I ain't got time to be PERFORMING LIKE THAT." Raw, raw, raw, raw, raw, raw, raw. All right, darling. Burltina, that's what I'm going to call you. Burltina. And you... Some of you just ain't... You just ain't ready for a man. That's all right, baby. That's all right. Ain't nothing wrong with you. But this ain't less... This ain't for you. Okay? You want to get him to open up as much as possible about himself. Because the more you know about him, the more you can become the emotional safe space for him. The more you can directly speak to him and align with him in a way that directly caters to what he wants to hear, what he wants to experience, and most importantly, what he wants to feel.
So, would I ever ask a man, "What's your deepest trauma that you've ever gone through?" Of course not. Of course not. Any man is smart enough to know not to answer that. But you can say, "What's the hardest part of your life? I know that like for someone like you, you're so smart. You seem like the kind of confident person that never... like you probably never ask for help and no one even ever offers it 'cause you just seem like that kind of guy. But like, I'm just curious, like, what would you say is the most challenging part of your day-to-day life? Like, if I was in your life, what would I... What would be the most challenging thing that I would see that you experience?" Ask him that. Well, you know, uh, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Wow. Wow. Now, I think that's incredible that you worked through that. You do so well with it. You want to get him to talk about himself. Talk. Talk, talk. Talk, talk. You want to learn what motivates him. Listen to me. You want to learn what motivates him? You want to know what scares him? Listen to me when I tell you this. And you also want to know, most of all, in his dream world, how does he see himself? This is the most powerful, powerful part. Every man has a dream world. I don't care if that man is sweeping floors for a living. In his mind, he has a dream identity that he's working to become. Even if he's not actually doing anything to work towards it. He's got something in his mind. Listen. That he's working towards it, that he believes this is his real identity, right? He believes that he is going to be a great businessman one day. He believes that he's going to help a lot of people one day. He believes whatever that identity is. So, what you want to ask him to understand what his dream identity is, and I'm going to tell you why you want to know this. You want to ask him this question: "I'm just curious. And like, if you had to fast forward your life to maybe like 5 years from now, what would your life look like?" And let me tell you, this is not a trick question. It's what you say if you don't... You got to tell me. You look... You want to have kids in a house. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear what your life... What you want your life to look like, whether you're in a relationship or not. I want to know about you. 5 years from now, what would you want your life to look like? Ask him that. Ask him that. Well, you know, I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm getting my credit together now so I can do real estate investments. I really see myself as a mogul. I want to be financially independent. Mogul. Yeah, and I see myself being able to, you know, to earn enough money so I can help a lot of people. Badada. He's a helper. Acts of service. Let him talk. You want him to talk about his aspirational being because that's what you're going to be able to treat him as.
When you deal with the man, listen to me. The most powerful thing you can ever do with a man if you want to pull him in is you treat him not like the man that's standing in front of you today. Uh-uh. You treat him like the man that he wants to become. Do you understand what I mean by that? If that man sees himself as becoming financially free, an entrepreneur, a mogul, or whatever in the future, I don't care if he's got $2 in his pocket today. Treat him like he's that mogul, right? You... When you're sitting, you know, on your phone and something pops up on your phone, "Baby, I had a question for you. This thing here... I read this article here. It's talking about like something with real estate investments and stuff like that and I don't really understand it. Tell me this, baby. What do you think this means here? I know you know more about that stuff than I do." He ain't never bought a property. His credit is 400, girl. Ask him like that. If you treat a man in a way that aligns with how he sees himself becoming, with his most aspirational self, he will become addicted to you because, listen what I'm telling you. Because when he's around you, he gets to feel like he's now become that man. When you make a man feel like he's the best version of himself, and when you make a man feel like you see him as the man that he envisions himself becoming, that man will become attached to you and he won't know why. He'll never want to leave you. Because you're providing him something that is so deep that he can't even put words on it. When he talks to his friends, he's going to be like, "I don't even know how to... I don't even know how to put it. Like, just when I'm dealing with her, when I'm dealing with her, there's just something about her. I just... I just feel different around her." You don't see that man through the eyes of his flaws. Uh-uh. No. You don't see that man through the eyes of his past. You don't see that man through the limitations of his present. You see him as the man that he sees himself as in the future. That is the number one way. That's your first way to get that man to be attached to you. Okay?
Beyond that, one of the things you have to recognize about men, and before I go to that, as you all keep on asking, I see it in the comments. Yes, I do have coaching sessions available. I don't think I have a lot available this month. We're already at the end of the month. Um, but if you want to schedule a session, the link is directly above or below this video. And if you want to get access to my best-selling book, "Get Out of Your Own Way, Guys So They Can Go Get the Stuff That's Holding You Back," click the link that's directly above or below this video as well, okay? Let me get back into this.
So, you know how when you just met a man, let's say you met him on a dating website. Bueno noche. Let's say you met him on a dating website or let's say you met him at the market. Doesn't matter where you met him. Let me tell you a secret about men that really throws you all off, and for you anxious attachment girlies, this is what makes a man go from really, really being into you to seeing you as desperate, dusty, and literally seeing your anxious attachment as something that makes you less valuable in his eyes. I'm being real with you. I'm just teaching you. When you first meet a man, picture a man's feelings and how he comes at you like an airplane taking off. You first meet a man, right? How he's going to text every day, he's going to do all that kind of stuff. He's going to do all that stuff. This is what men do, right? It's like an airplane taking off. It's going at a really high speed. It's very intense. You know when you're on a plane, it's taking off, it's a very intense experience, right? And so when he's just... when he's trying to get your attention initially, that's how it is. Like this, like an airplane taking off. But once he gets to a certain level of comfort and feeling like he's got your attention, feeling like not that you're all locked in, but at the very least that he knows you like him, that you all have a consistency. Maybe you all have gone on some dates. Maybe you all have experienced one another. Okay? What then happens is, is like the plane gets into the air at its highest altitude, and now it's still traveling to a destination, but it's not as intense anymore, right? It's just kind of going at a steady pace at that point in time. That's how men operate.
What happens is this: that when a man first is getting to know you all, you all get so excited because like he's texting and calling you, but he's doing all these... every... these things. He's taking you out all the time. He's just being this great guy. That's the takeoff period. And then when he starts to level up, you think he doesn't like you anymore. You question, "He likes me anymore?" or you're not sure what's going on. So what do you do? He's no longer texting every day, so you start texting him more. Mhm. He... He's no longer, um, consistently saying, "Hey, let's hang out this weekend," 'cause he's just assuming he's going to see you this weekend. He's seeing you every other weekend. So you start reaching out, "Hey, are we still seeing each other this weekend?" Mhm. That one night that he doesn't call you back, what do you do? You start literally freaking out, and the next thing you talk to him, "What were you doing last night?" Now you're coming across as paranoid. Uh-uh.
If you want to become the kind of woman that a man never leaves, you have to make sure that you regulate yourself emotionally and that you literally always match his energy, minus 10. So in the beginning, when he's going at you very intensely, right? You don't match his intensity. You never match his intensity. Ever. You stay regulated. He's texting you, "Good morning." "Good morning." "Good morning." Well, baby, what if your phone is not on in the morning? That's just not your morning routine to text him back early in the morning. Don't start doing it. Text him on your lunch break. "Hey, baby, I hope your day is going well. When I saw your message this morning, it made me smile." When you regulate yourself emotionally and you don't allow his ebbs and flows to dictate how you move, how you think, how you feel, how you react, you become irresistible to a man because it keeps you in the role of being the pursued and keeps him as the pursuer. When you match a man's energy, especially his intensity, he no longer has anything to pursue.
You want a man, especially during those formative phases of the relationship when you're first getting to know him, you want a man to become accustomed to a dynamic with you where he always has to put in work to get a reaction and to get your attention. You want to put him in a position, literally, when I tell you this, not that he has to feel like you're playing hard to get, 'cause high-value men don't like hard to get because they have other options. Why would you make that man feel like he can't get you? The key is this: balancing out making him feel like he can get you and making him feel like you think he's amazing. You make him feel like you think he's like your dream guy, but your actions that you actually do make him have to do more of the work.
So when you go on a date with him, when you go out with him, when you talk to him, you are so happy to talk to him. Your voice is always excited. "Hey, baby, how are you? I was thinking about you all day today. Oh my god, I can't believe you're... Oh my god. I was just thinking about you." Let me tell you a trick, too. When you're talking to him on the phone and he tells you something happening in his day, in his life, something important, memorize it. Try to memorize it. If you can't memorize everything, write it down on your phone. And that way, the next time you talk to him, you remember. He said he's talking on Thursday. "Hey, baby, before we get off the phone, I wanted to ask you... um, remember a couple weeks ago you mentioned to me that today you had that big meeting? How did it go? I was thinking about it yesterday. I was hoping that it went well. I think I knew it was going to happen today. How did it go?" That's how you do it. You don't match his intensity, but you make sure that your actions show that you're interested in him. What it does is it creates this dichotomy in his mind. Okay? Well, on one hand, he's like, "She remembers these little details about my life. It's crazy." Girl, you're just using your calendar for that. Just write it in your calendar. When you're on the phone with him and he says something, just put it in your calendar, girl. You don't got to memorize it first. Write it in your calendar. Men do that to y'all. Trust me, okay? So he's like, "Dang, she remembers the details of my life. Like, she really... she really cares about me. Nobody else does that. My mom or my own mama don't even do that." He's probably thinking that, right? But on the same page, you're not responding back to him quickly when it comes to texting. You're not initiating planning dates. Sometimes when he wants to spend time with you, you're unavailable. He cannot predict when he'll have access to you. He should never be able to predict when he'll have access to you. But [snorts] when he does have that access, he feels absolutely incredible.
Can I tell you all a secret? That I learned a very long time ago and I've done it my whole life and I don't care if my man knows I've done it because he is no way... he didn't know that I've done it. That I do it, okay? I still do it. Shoot. Shoot. Um, one of the things that I focus on in all of my relationships, whether it's a business relationship, a sales relationship, or a romantic relationship, one of the things that I always focus on is how I want to make that man feel and think about me. How do I want this person to think about me and feel? It's very important. It's your compass. If you start on a journey and you don't have a compass and you don't have a map telling you where to go, how will you know you're going in the right direction? So doing things like remembering the... the little details he tells you. When he tells you his niece's name, his favorite niece. When he tells you his favorite niece's name, remembering it. And then next time you're talking to him, maybe a week or two later, be like, "Hey, how's Sydney?" Doing those little things, that aligns with what I do. I only teach what I know, okay? Because what it does is it allows him to... How can I put it? It allows him to feel what I want him to feel. I want him... When he thinks of me, and this is what you want your man to think when he thinks of you. You want him to think of you as refreshing. You ever had a man tell you, "You're refreshing"? If you haven't, darling, I can tell you this, it feels good when they say it. "Dang, you're a refresh. You're a breath of fresh air. I ain't never dealt with nobody like you. Dang. That's crazy." "Wow. You make me feel good." You want them to feel like you're refreshing. You want them to feel like you are something that is so unique that he hasn't met anywhere else.
If you want to take it on a deeper level, 'cause I'm real analytical, okay? I don't just talk things off the top of my head and I didn't build these businesses just by being by the seat of my hands, honey, all right? I'm an analytical kind of gal. So one of the things I think about is this: I want to know what type of people did you date before me and what type of people do you typically date? I'm not going to ask that question, of course. You don't ask that question. But let me tell you why I want to know this kind of stuff. Because if I can know the type of people that you normally date, if you could know the type of people that he normally dates, you can start to build a psychological profile in your mind of those types of people. 'Cause let's be real. If I were to tell you that this is a guy who typically dates high-value women who are professionals, who, um, are high earners, who, um, are very productive, and are probably marriage-oriented. Here's what I know to be true about those types of women, and here's what I know to be true about what I can do to make sure that I stand out differently from them. What I know to be true about those types of women, and this isn't a slight to them, but a lot of women who are higher value, right? Higher earning and very marriage-oriented, a lot of them are very good at marketing themselves, but where they struggle, and some of you all, this is... this is you I'm talking about, where you struggle with is being able to regulate your anxious attachment style because you've been hurt so bad by the men before you, that your fear is that this good new man that you met is going to hurt you as well. And so that comes through in behavior that often can look like paranoia. It comes through in behavior that can be highly anxious. It can come through in behavior that can be over-functioning. Mhm. I know that. And that scares men and pushes them away. Makes them feel pressured and uncomfortable.
So here's what I do, knowing that that's who he normally dates. What I would then do if I knew that about who he normally dates. Oh, that's another one. I like what she just said here. "They can be too independent." That's a big one. Thanks for reminding me of that one. My goal is to be the answer to all of the challenges that he's faced with women who are like that. Listen, girls, I'm teaching you something. So, for example, he's the kind of guy who obviously is dating with intention, but he doesn't want to be pressured. So when we're on that first date and he asks me, "So, what you looking for?" Hm. See, some of y'all hear a man say that and you think to yourself, "Oh, I should... He's asking 'cause that must mean he's really... he wants to know 'cause he's really looking for something." No, girl. He's asking that to test you to see how intentional you're going to be. So I would say... So he says, "What are you looking for?" Uh... "You know, really, I'm at a place in my life where I'm honestly content. I am so content. And, um..." Hm. "I'm open to, you know, just making meaningful connections and seeing where it goes, but, you know, I'm just... Can I share this with you about myself? Is that... you said? I'm just kind of... I don't know." And comment below. Comment below when I do this, tell me what am I doing? 'Cause you all made me understand the little psychological thing I'm making right here when I do this, all right? Let's tell me when I test you, classy, if you know what I'm doing. "You know, the crazy thing is this. I just feel like for me, I'm at a place in my life. My career is great. My life is good. It's... it's good."
[Sighs and gasps]
"That I just don't want to be rushed into anything. You know what I mean? I'm just not looking to be rushed or pressured. 'Cause I, you know, it's... it's just... I get it, you know, we're at a point in our life where, you know, we want to make things happen, but I just want to kind of just go, let things be light and easy. No, no rushing, no pressure. You know what I mean? So I guess when you say what am I looking for, I'm not really looking for anything. I'm just living and seeing what life... seeing what happens."
What did I just do there? What did I just do there? When he asks me what I'm looking for, what I did was I said what I was looking for through the lens... Hm. Let me say it a lot better. I said what I was looking for in a way to directly address his fears and objections. His fear is that you're going to be sitting in front of him and see that he's a high-value man, and you're going to be yet another woman trying to pressure him. You're going to be yet another woman trying to rush him. You're going to be yet another woman who's going to get anxious and and just do too much. So what I did was I addressed saying what I was looking for in a way that directly addressed what I knew his deepest fears or anxieties were that he's experienced with other women or other men, whoever he's been with, you know what I mean? What we're doing in that case, and you do this in sales, too. I'm not trying to make this a business lesson, but I mean, it goes on both sides. When you're offering something of value to someone, you want them to buy it. You want this man to choose you. You want... You want to be the kind of woman that he never wants to leave. You've got to speak to him in a way that proactively and preemptively addresses his concerns before he can say them. The best sales people out here don't wait for you to ask the question or state the objection. In their pitch, they are already addressing your concerns in advance. So by the time they get done, they're just like, "Well, damn, I... I did... I don't have any questions. You've already addressed everything."
So when you understand the type of women he normally dates and the challenges he's probably faced, you then when you communicate with him, you're presenting yourself as to ans... as the answer and the solution to all the problems that came before you. How do we know they were problems? Because they didn't work. This isn't to poo-poo on those women, but it didn't work. And there's a reason why it didn't work. He says, you know, "I just like to, you know, I like a relationship where I can be a man. I like to feel like I'm a man." You can detect that real, real when a man has masculine energy. He's choosing restaurants. He's opening doors. Little signs. You can see that masculine energy. When you see even a hint of masculine energy come out of a man, just a hint of it, lean into that. Because you're leaning into what... to the first tip I gave you. You're leaning into treating him in a way that aligns with how he sees himself. You see what I'm saying?
So, for example, if he's dealt with women before you who were far too independent, right? So, what would I do in that case? I'm going to make him feel like the most masculine man on Earth. I'm going to ask him for solutions to problems, everything. At that dinner table for the first date. I keep focusing on the first date, but obviously this applies across the board. On that first date, he'll be like, "I'm, um, I'm an accountant. Can I ask you a question? And I'm so sorry. I don't want to make this about work. Can I ask you a question?" "Okay. So, you're an accountant, right? So, I was just wondering, when blah blah blah blah blah happens, what does that mean? So, I keep hearing that term. I don't... I have no idea what it means." "Oh, that just means blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
[Laughter]
"Really? Wow. I never knew that. I never knew that. Okay, that's cool. You know..." He says, "So, tell me about your last relationship." Remember, we never tell a man about... about the relationship going badly. No. You don't ever make your ex look horrible. Uh-uh. 'Cause a man's going to always want to treat you better than the last one did. So, if you tell that him that ex was horrible, you set the bar on low. But to align with what I'm talking about, you can lean into making that man feel empowered and making him feel great. And he says, "Tell me about your ex, right? Tell me about your last relationship."
[Sighs]
"Um, I was really fortunate, you know, um, I... we didn't... we... we just didn't have a... we just... we didn't align for the future that we wanted together, but I would say I was really fortunate, you know, he took great care of me. Um, he always had my back. And I just... that's just... that's always been so important to me, you know, um... And so, yeah, I have nothing bad to say."
What did you just tell him? You're celebrating your ex for his masculine energy. "He took great, really great care of me. He always had my back." He likes to hear that. "Oh, so you like when a man is a man? You like... you like a man to be a man? You like to submit?" Girl, for the right man, you know, hey, we'll see. But anyway, enough about that, you know.
When you... but when you want to become the kind of woman that a man never wants to leave, it's all about making him feel like the type of man that he wants to be. I'm going to repeat that. If you want to become the kind of woman that a man never wants to leave, then you need to become... you need to treat him and make him feel like the kind of man that he always wanted to become. I'm going to repeat it again. If you want to become the kind of woman that a man never wants to leave, then you have to make him feel like the kind of man that he's always wanted to become. Right? When he does anything for you, he buys you something, even if it's not the thing you really wanted, make him feel incredible. "Baby, thank you so much. You take such good care of me. I... I just... Thank you. You take... you really... You are so thoughtful. I so appreciate you." When he has something good happen in his job, "Yeah, I did XYZ today." "Baby, can I ask you a question?" He'll be like, "Sure." "How did you learn this stuff? How did you get so smart in this area? Like, that is so incredible." And here's the thing, for you as a powerful, smart woman who's got your own career, got your own stuff going on, it holds that much more weight when you're saying this to him. All right? Because now you are really getting in his head. He's like, "Dang, this woman's got a PhD, a master's degree, a business, or whatever it may be, and she thinks I'm smart. She thinks I'm smart." Ask the question, baby. "How did she know that? How did you figure that out?" When he does anything, ask him that. "Baby, how did you figure that out? That is incredible." You have to make him feel invincible. You have to make him feel powerful.
So, you very independent women out there, you have to make him feel useful. If you want to be the kind of woman that a man can't get away from quick enough, then make him feel useless. You have to make men feel useful. Let me tell you this. Let me tell you this very clearly. And I mean this with every fiber of my being. I will never, ever be in a relationship with a man who is not useful to me. Love is not enough. Attraction does not suffice. You have to be useful to me. Not because I need anything that you can do for me. I can do everything for myself. I need you to be useful to me because I know that if you're not useful to me, then you're not magnetized to me. See, you being useful to me, a man being useful to you, is not about what he's doing for you. It's about that being a magnet that keeps him holding on to you. It keeps him locked in. You understand what I mean by that? I will never... If a man is not useful to me, I don't want him. I don't want him.
And can I share this with you? I ask that man to do everything and anything all the time. I don't care. If we are walking in the street and I have just bought seven different bags of stuff. I got bags upon bags upon bags of stuff. I'm handing every bag to him. I don't care that my hands are empty. I don't care if he's got veins bulging out of his arms 'cause he's struggling to hold all those bags. Until he cries uncle and says, "Hey, actually, could you grab one of these?" I'm not grabbing anything. You want to know why? Because I know he'll never ask me to hold anything. He wants to be useful. He wants to be useful. He wants to be useful. And that is important to me. And see, here's the thing we're talking about. We're talking about masculine feminine energy. I know sometimes we have guys on here who date guys. We sometimes have women on here who date women. They say, "Does this apply to us as well?" It applies to everyone. I'm talking about masculine versus feminine energy. If you want to become the kind of feminine energy partner that your masculine energy partner values and never wants to leave, make them feel useful. For every little thing that they can do, have them do it. Have them do it.
And I got a little trick that sometimes 'cause he thinks he can fix stuff and he don't really fix stuff that good, you know, but still, you know that. So, what I've done, he caught on this, is when he at work, this what I do. Listen. I'll go ahead, if something needs to get fixed, I'll have somebody else come by. Like one of the handymen in the building, whoever else, I'll have them come by and fix it. Before he even sees it was broken 'cause I don't want him to have to do it. So, just so that he don't have to feel like I went around him, I don't even tell him it's broken if it's broken. I just have somebody else do it. You see what I'm saying? 'Cause I want him to feel useful at all times. Mhm. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. I sometimes say this to him, okay, 'cause you know I'm living in Brazil, okay? And I'm a what they call a gringo, estrangeiro, which means foreigner, right? So, when I speak, even though I speak Portuguese, people hear my accent. Well, I know how to negotiate. I'm actually a really good negotiator. I'm very good at negotiating, right? But here's what I do. I let him do it for me. We go on some place. I say to him, I say, "Baby, baby, can you go in? Can you ask them how much this is? I think they'll... I think they'll give you a better deal." "You say gringo's a white man?" No, baby, here they call a gringo anybody who's not from here. Mhm. Including the black folks.
[Clears throat] [Sighs and gasps]
Yeah. I say, "Baby, can you go ahead and ask them, can you ask them how much this is? I think he'll give you a better price." He say, "What? This?" Mhm. "Ask them. I'm going to wait over here. I'm going to wait over here." He comes back. "They told me it was 40, but they say that they'll give it to you for 25. I talked them down." "Really, baby? How did you get them to do that?" Girl, I'm the CEO of multiple companies. I have started multiple businesses, took a business from my dining room table to be one of the largest independently owned financial services companies in America. Okay? Grew a social media following from less than 10 people to over 6 million people globally. Do you think I don't know how to negotiate? Do you think that I don't know how to navigate any human being that you put in front of me? Honey, I'm good. All right? It is not about how good I am. It's about how useful that man feels. That's what you women got to understand, especially you high-value independent kind of women. "I don't know if I can do that. I feel like that's belittling to me. I feel like this. I feel like that." Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Girl, it's not belittling. What's belittling is desiring love and companionship and opportunity after opportunity, losing that opportunity, losing that man for the same reasons that you are in denial about, which is that your independence and your power is not being managed in the right way and it pushes men away because you don't make them feel useful, you don't make them feel desired, you don't make them feel powerful because you are operating in masculine energy because you think that by you allowing him to feel powerful, that is diminishing your power or that's making you look weak or overly submissive, and it's not. It's leaning into the natural order of masculine and feminine dynamics.
Now, if me, a man, I'm a proud man, honey. All right? You see this beautiful skin? You see this beautiful smile? You see these beautiful nails? Okay? Oh, yes, I'm a beautiful man. I take care of myself. But if me as a man who thinks like a man knows and knows how to make a man feel powerful, when I was raised in a society that taught me to always be powerful. So, if I can do that, then what can you do as a woman who was raised in a society that equips you, honestly, that equips you far better than it would have equipped me to understand how to make a man feel powerful. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying. These lessons were nurtured into you, a lot of you all, through your mothers, through society, for a long time. And yes, in some cases, you all had to push these lessons aside because you all were with these men who were beta males, who were who were overly in in their negative feminine energy and you had to overfunction. You were with emotionally immature men. You were with men who were less than you. You were with men who allowed you to overfunction. So, you had to learn to operate within your heavy masculine energy. I get that. I get that you became accustomed to being the more masculine person in the situation because you had to. But just because you learned to be that way, that doesn't mean that that's who you naturally are. No, baby. Not at all. Just like you can put that cloak on of masculinity by doing this, you can take it off. 'Cause let me tell you this. When I shut that laptop, when I stop working, guess what I go to. Guess what I do. I immediately lean into making him feel powerful. Absolutely, I do.
And I'm going to tell you another thing, she all, I know some of y'all have that fear. "What if I make him feel powerful? What if he hurts me? What if he does this? What if he does that?" Let me share something with you, baby. I said make him feel powerful, make him feel smart, make him feel amazing. I never said be stupid. Did I? I never said let him get away with... with just any little thing. I never said that. I never said don't hold him accountable. I never said don't keep your eye on him. What I'm saying is this: You have more of an advantage to be able to monitor and dare I say it, lean in close, ladies. Lean in. You can even control them a little bit, just a little bit. Just a little bit. Someone's got to do it. You have so much more power in your relationship when you use your feminine energy as a soft way to make him feel powerful. Mhm. When you do that, it makes him put his guard down. You become his safe space. You become the person who sees him through the lens of everything he wants to become. And he might even become that, too. That's the great thing. If you want to see a man achieve greatness, then put him with a partner who sees him as greatness. Mhm. Oh, yeah. When he sees you as his secret weapon, girl, please. Even if he makes a mistake in the relationship, you'll have so much more power because here's the thing, if he makes a mistake, a big one, you can leave him. Leave him. Leave him. He is going to fall apart because literally that good thing that was in his life, that power, that thing that makes him feel better than anyone else ever did, 'cause remember, you're studying all the people around him. I'm going to tell you another person I'm studying in just a moment. You're studying all the people around him to understand where the gaps in his life and you offer that to him. When you walk away because he's not acting right, girl, he will bend over backwards to get you back or keep you. I'm not saying that doing all this is going to make him a perfect man. What I'm saying is that it will give you power even in the tough moments. He will do anything to get you back.
Can I give you another tip? You know another thing you can do? Now, this is some deep stuff. And some of y'all are going to say it's manipulative. But listen, darling, okay? Just like I tell my coaching clients, I say, "You ladies spend your good money for my advice. I'm not going to give you the cheap stuff. I'm going to give you the stuff you paid for." Okay? Find out who was the primary feminine energy, usually a woman, who was the primary female in his life during his formative years. When he's growing up. Was it his mother? Was it his grandmother? Was it an older sister who was like more of the parental person? Was it an aunt? Who was the primary female figure in his life? Takes time to get this information. Now, listen, this works. Then you want to find out what was their relationship like when he was a child and what is their relationship like now. Both of them.
Let's say, for example, he had a mother who never really offered him much validation. Didn't offer him any validation. Doesn't make him feel appreciated. Doesn't compliment him. Maybe she's demanding. Maybe she's overbearing. Mhm. Now you know the gaps he can fill in. All you have to do is be better than her. And you can make that man more attached to you than his own mother. I'm serious. I'm serious. She never validated him, never compliments him, then you compliment everything he does. Everything. "Baby, that is so amazing." And think about this. This isn't manipulation. Isn't a healthy relationship a relationship that offers you the things that are a gap in your life? Isn't that what you all want? Ladies, isn't that what you want? A man who's going to come to you and see where your deepest emotional wounds are. And he's going to fill those wounds and give you what you need in those areas. Isn't that what you want, babies? That's not manipulative. That's showing up as a good partner. That's showing your value. Why would you not want that? Why would he not want that? You affirm him. She's overbearing, you be light and easy. You never complain about her. Never criticize her in his presence. Never. But you be the exact opposite of her.
Let me tell you this. There's no man who's ever had a perfect mother. Just like there's no woman who's ever had a perfect mother or a perfect father. Even the best parents had gaps. I'm serious. Find out what those gaps are and make that an intrinsic part of who you are with them. This will make him attached to you. This will make you into the type of woman that he never wants to leave. If he comes from a yapping, nagging, critical mother, and you are yapping, nagging, and critical, what do you think is going to happen to you? He's going to grow emotionally distant from you over the years and eventually he will cheat on you or leave you. That's the problem. You all are not paying attention to the fact that getting a man, keeping a man, and having a man deeply investing you is not just about being pretty and feminine. No, that's very important. It's about understanding what is the psychological framework of that man. What are the gaps that exist? Fill those gaps. Fill those gaps. Fill those gaps. I know what I'm talking about, baby. I know exactly what I'm talking about.
If you like this video, click like and click share. And remember, if you like to schedule a coaching call with me, click the link that's directly above or below this video or the link that's on my social media pages. And if you don't have my best-selling book already, "Get Out of Your Own Way," a guide to letting go of the stuff that's holding you back, you can click the link that's directly above or below this video or the link that's on my social media pages and you can get it where books are sold. Remember what I told you, ladies. If you want to become the kind of woman that a man never wants to leave, then you have to become the type of woman that he's never had before. Click like and click share. Bye.