10 Harsh Realities of Being a 77-Year-Old Man

10 harsh realities of being a 77-year-old man.

Hi, I'm Robert. I'm 77, and I want to share this with you. My honest feelings, not to make you feel sympathy for me, but to share the honest truth about being 77 years old. So, if you're getting older yourself, or know somebody who is, stay tuned. This will help you feel better, seen, understood, and better prepared. Let's get into it.

Number one, you realize that you have a shocking, little amount of time left. You're not going to live much longer. You're 77, and that's a drastic, harsh statement to make. That title is "Harsh Realities," and that is a harsh reality. Everybody dies. And if you're 77, if you look at the life expectancy tables for a newborn person today on the CDC website, guess what it says? It says 77. That's my age, 77. So, a baby born today, male baby, is expected to live until 77. You know, you would think things have improved so much for medical science and everything that it would be longer than 77, but they say that's what it is.

Also, insurance companies are betting that a person 77 will be dead within 10 years. You can buy a life insurance policy or an annuity, and so they're betting big bucks that you will not last 10 years. Nobody knows for sure. You may die tomorrow. You may die in 15 years. But the fact of the matter is, you start to realize at this age that time is limited. Time is precious. And you, you, you learn to enjoy day by day. Time becomes special. You're not guaranteed a lot more time. And so, you look at time differently. You try to enjoy. You enjoy what you can while you can.

A hard part of this is wondering, is this the last time I'm going to do this? Is this the last time I'm going to go overseas? We went to Iceland year before last. That may be the last time I ever go overseas. My last cruise, my last time to see my brother, my last time for different things. So, it starts to occur to you, this may be the last time you do certain things. But the good news is, you stop taking time for granted. The harsh news is, you have limited time left.

Number two, health isn't just important, it's everything. Your health, health and age goes together, doesn't it? I mean, the older you get, you know, probably your health is going to be deteriorating. I don't care who you are. And I see that. I, I definitely see that. You do everything you can to have good health. Health becomes more important than money or anything, and it makes a difference. Your body becomes your full-time concern. Every doctor visit, every blood test, every annual physical could reveal something that could be life-threatening or, uh, threaten your mobility even.

You start, you know, wondering, is this going to be a problem? You know, I hate we have my chart here. When we go for a blood test and our annual physical, they put it on the internet, and unfortunately, it's before you talk to the doctor. So, you get it back and it says, um, it says it's out of the zone or it's, um, uh, what's the word? It's unfavorable rating. And you think, "What in the heck does that mean? Am I in trouble?" You start having concerns like that about your health when you're this age.

A lot of things change. We've talked about sleep before. Uh, it's hard to get a good night's sleep. Sometimes I, sometimes wake up at 5, 5:00 or 4:30 or 5. Not often, but sometimes. And I can't go back to sleep. Many people in this age bracket, uh, 70s and 80s, uh, they get up during the night, uh, to use the bathroom, and it's hard to go back to sleep.

My brother mentioned three categories: heart, vision, and hearing. Hearing, uh, becomes more difficult. A lot of people in the 70s, late 70s especially, have hearing aids. And I know I don't have a hearing aid, but the background noise definitely bothers me. Vision. Everybody this age has had cataract surgery. Just about everybody. Either you have cataracts or you've had cataract surgery. One of the two. Driving at night or driving your car in general, you, I've learned to appreciate the safety features on the automobiles these days. Uh, six years ago, I bought a new car just because of that. But guess what? I've only put 25,000 miles on my car in six years, almost six years. So, you don't drive as much. Heart. I had a, myself, a couple of years ago. At this age, you get a lot of variety in health conditions. You know, think about it. When you're in your 20s, if you plotted on a graph the health condition of everybody, it's a pretty, you know, tight group. But now, when you get over 50, I mean, the scattering of health conditions, um, is amazing. It's from dead, you know, all the people who've died, to people that have mobility problems, who have heart problems, who have back problems, who have so many people who've had, um, hip replacements and knee replacements and that sort of thing. Very common. So, health in general is very important.

Next up is your independence feels more fragile. I hit on that before. Every time you go to the doctor and you have a, a problem that you just wonder if that's going to turn into something bigger. You know, are you going to be able to, um, maintain your lifestyle and travel and do the things you've always done, or is this something that's life-changing or, hopefully not, life-ending? One bad decision or one bad fall and break your hip, I mean, that could be a drastic change to your life. There's things you can do to be anti-fragile, I like to call it, and not taking risks like you used to. I don't go up on big ladders anymore. Gave away my 10-ft ladder. Um, I don't go out with the guys walking in the rain anymore. They make fun of me for that, but I don't want to slip down and fall, and so I don't do it. You start to realize that your independence isn't permanent. It could be taken away from you, and you try to protect it at all costs.

Next up, your memory slips and mental mistakes happen more often. You, for, you know, everybody knows about walking into the room and forgetting what you went in there for, or forgetting somebody's name occasionally. The other day at the gym, I've been going to the gym, you know, twice a week, uh, for two years, and it's a guy always there, and his name is Max. I started calling him Norm. I don't know where that came from, and I can't get off my mind, Norm. And I could not remember his name. And the thing is, that happens, but it was like two days. I try to remember his name and I couldn't remember it. It was Max. I remember it now, but I just had a. That's scary. That scared me. That really scared me.

Checklists are now my best friend. Luckily, my wife and I check on each other. Uh, she's going to go play cards today, and I'll ask her, "Did she, are you going to take your phone?" when she's walking out the door. We check on each other, and that comes in handy. It's a team sport now. Still, those little lapses can really shake your confidence. And I said, this is just memory problems. It's not dementia. But let's talk about dementia. We had a close group of two other couples that we used to go, uh, to their homes, and they'd come to our home. We take turns entertaining, having dinner parties, and we did that for years. Of those six people, two of them had dementia and have died from dementia. One had the slow dementia, and it took about eight years. She ended up in memory care, and she died last year. It was my wife's best friend, and that was very painful to see. The other one was, uh, fairly fast, and, um, it didn't make it any easier. He was a good friend over 40 years, and he died from dementia. So, every time you forget something, you wonder, is this something more? Am I getting dementia?

Next up, you watch friends and family disappear. They don't really disappear. They die. These are the harsh realities. So, I'm not sugarcoating this. People die. Looking at our neighborhood here, at a retirement community, we've had two neighbors on one side die, and we had two neighbors on the other side die, husband and wife. We've been here nine years. We used to have them over to our house for dinner parties, and now all four of them are dead. One, one house was, um, the husband and wife both died. The husband died. He was in a wheelchair. He died first before turning 80, and then she died, and she was not quite 80 yet. So, they died in the late '70s. The other couple was older. She was about 80, and she went on dialysis, and then two years later she died, and then it took him about a year, and then he started getting dementia, and then they, he went to assisted living, and then six months later he died. We heard from throat cancer. So, those things are scary. You do lose people, and that's a harsh reality of being 77.

Relationships matter more than ever. Um, as I said, I've been married 52 years, my wife and I, and you know, it dawns on you that nothing lasts forever, just like, you know, you may die. Uh, your spouse may die. And we've seen that over and over in our community where one of the spouses are going to die first. And that's just something I can't even imagine at this point in time after having been married 52 years. This actually scares me more than anything is that losing a spouse would be very difficult after being together for 52 years. That awareness makes us enjoy our time together more now. I believe we like to reminisce about memories. I did a video about that, and we enjoy doing that and spending time together and enjoying each other while we can.

A lot of people at this age too, the late '70s, they start rebuilding relationships with, uh, family and other friends that maybe have drifted apart. I know I did that with my one of my brothers that we had drifted apart, and of course, you live different lives. You go different ways. So, uh, actually, I, we started a YouTube channel for him, and that kind of brought us closer together. That was a great project. We both agree, and I learned things about him, and he learned things about me. So, when you are retired and you're in your 70s, you can kind of spend some time on rebuilding relationships. You realize the people that you love are what really counts now.

You shift from accumulating to letting go. At some point, you stop wanting more stuff and wanting more experiences. We've talked about that before. I don't buy many clothes. I don't buy many gadgets. I'm trying not to collect any more things. Hard to do. I start wondering about actually getting rid of my collection, not just adding to it, but, you know, what's going to happen to it when I die, and looking at giving it to a museum or selling it or something like that. So, kind of simplifying there as much as I can. So, that, that's a kind of a mental shift, and not everybody's ready for that. It takes, um, some courage to start de-accumulating things. Someone I know added this final point in this category: Finances become more important. Less money you have. So, the less money you have, the more finances are going to make a difference in your life. So, shifting from accumulating to letting go is that point.

Next one, you face end-of-life options and decisions. And I thought about that quite a bit. That's, this is a tough one, but a necessary one. You look at doing, you make sure your will is up to date, your living will, or I think they call them these days, the advanced care directives, um, dictating your wishes of how you like to be treated at the end of your life. If you'd like to be put on a, um, ventilator or not, uh, you know, when you want to pull the plug, you need to think about that, research it, document it, and have what they call "the conversation." Having a conversation with whoever is going to be the person in charge of, of your health. And I would discuss that with the entire family. Holidays were a wonderful time to do that. I did that two years ago, Thanksgiving, when my brothers came over, and one of them, I made in charge of my, uh, healthcare directives, and I just told him my wishes about it and made sure he agreed to take out, to take my wishes under consideration, and my other brother was there too, so he heard that as well. So, they call that having the conversation, and I think that's very important to have. Whether you want to be buried or cremated, you need to think about that. Some people I've asked didn't have a decision made about that. They hadn't even thought about that yet. So, things like the will, the living will, burial or cremation, life celebrations or funeral, all those things need to be thought about. Have a conversation with the family. And that's what we're thinking about when you're in the late '70s. This is, this is something that's hard, but necessary. So, facing up to these decisions, these tough decisions, you know, doesn't mean giving up. It just means you're planning wisely.

Okay, next up, you start to see yourself as being that old guy, or, or trying not to be that old guy. It's more like it. You know, your hearing kind of goes. You know, you have hearing problems. Uh, you know, that's very typical. It's just nothing you can do about that. I would, I wouldn't avoid getting a hearing aid if I needed one. I know some people do, but, you know, um, it doesn't pay to do that. Just if you do what you need to do and to be able to hear. So, if you need a hearing aid, get one.

I have friends who repeat stories. So, when you're in the 70s, sometimes you, you like to tell stories, and sometimes you like to repeat them. You always feel like you're not doing it. And I, I just wonder, am I doing that too? You know, they're doing it. Am I also doing it? I don't know. I wish somebody would tell me, but they repeat stories. That's part of, uh, getting older. And it's fun to tell stories, but after you've heard it a few times, you think, "Wow, he's telling that story again."

I do try to hold back on giving advice. You know, when you're this age, you've had a lot of experiences. You could be a know-it-all. You could turn yourself into a baby boomer know-it-all. I've been there, done that. A younger guy in his 40s starts telling a story of something, and you jump in and outdo him and tell him your story. I've honestly struggled, uh, on YouTube with that. I, I follow a lot of people who are just entering retirement, and I've been retired for some time. I try not to go in there and act like I know everything because I don't. But you have to fight against that because you, you, you, everybody, when you hear a story, you're going to relate it to your own experience and share that. And you got to be very careful in not being a baby boomer know-it-all.

Don't be a grumpy old man. I mean, you have to be positive in life. And I think I am. But some people get grumpy. Yeah. And some people have, you know, chronic medical problems, and they have a right to be grumpy. But that's one thing you really have to fight against. Even when somebody takes your photograph, if you're 77, you look like you're sad or angry or something, and you're not. It's just the way you look. So, you actually have to smile, you know, to overcome that. If not, you're sitting there, you know, like a grumpy old man.

Personally, I'm trying to learn not to have to be right all the time, not to argue. And I think a lot of people do that in their 70s. You know, they don't want to get caught up arguing things. Number one, it doesn't make any difference. And you see the, I think there's, it's called wisdom, I guess. Your, your wisdom kicks in. You think, "Been there, done that. You're not going to change people. I may not even be right. Who knows?" You know, there's overall a thing to think about, and do I need to jump in this fight? I don't think so. You know, life is too short to be arguing and fighting. You try to have more patience. That helps, but it's not always easy.

That ties into the last point. You get to see what really matters and what doesn't. And I think that's called wisdom. I mean, you've got the experience, you've been around, and all that stuff you used to worry about, you don't have to worry about anymore. Getting ahead on the corporate ladder, buying a bigger house, impressing people, all that fades. What now? What matters now is, is relationships and love and gratitude. Gratitude is very important to have gratitude. That can overcome a lot. And we've have, if you're still living at 77, you probably should have a little gratitude for being alive.

I complained about some of the older people not being competitive anymore. I think that's probably part of it. You know, they're not looking to win anymore. They've already won. And so, it's not a competition as much as it used to be when you're younger. You're not giving up. You've already fought the fight, and you're enjoying life in retirement, and there's no use to try to win again. It's about enjoying what's left without all the noise and and drama. I should add.

Okay, hey, these are some of the realities I faced being 77. Everybody's different, but I think I hit on some pretty good ones there. I hope you'll, uh, give me a comment below and let me know what you think. If you, if any of these are surprises to you, let me know. And if you're in your 70s or 80s, I would really appreciate any comment from you. Let me know, um, some of your harsh realities of being your age, what they are, and any that you agree with me. But I just wanted to say, life is not all about being about harsh realities at 77. There's plenty of joys in being 77, and I'm going to cover that in my next video, the joys of being 77, because yes, they do exist. Make sure to subscribe and stick around for that one. This is Robert with Robert's Active Retirement. Thanks very much for watching.

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