Transcription
What goes on in the mindset of an abusive, manipulative, narcissistic person when they start to miss you, when you cross their mind? Do I ever cross your mind anytime? What goes on in their mind? What are they thinking? That's what we're talking about today, y'all. The mindset of an abusive person, when and if they start to think about you, they start to miss you. If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Go. Let's get it. Whoa.
So what goes on in that mind, in that dome piece, when they are missing you? I know a lot of people ask that question, like, "Lee, do narcissists ever miss you? Does my abusive, manipulative, emotionally toxic ex miss me? Do they ever think about me?" Yeah, the answer might surprise you, right? The answer might just surprise you. A lot of them do miss you. Like, they could just be chilling on the beach with the new supply, right? They'll be chilling with the new supply, telling the new supply like, "I love you so much, new supply. You're the love of my life. I never ever felt this way about anybody else. Even though I was married for 40 years, and I was cheating on my partner of 40 years with you, I've never felt this way about anybody. I promise." The whole time, they're thinking about you. The whole time, they're thinking about what y'all had, how things went, how things could have gone better.
But, but always a butt, right? A big old butt, a BBL. But it doesn't mean that they'll—it's not good things, right? Typically, when they are missing you, they are missing the validation that they got from you, right? They are missing the control that they had over you. They are missing something that you provided them that they might not be able to get from someone else. 'Cause I know I tell people like, "They might miss you." People like, "Oh, they miss me." And sometimes, look, the crazy thing about it, sometimes I'll tell people that the narcissistic person might miss them, and they just like, "Well, Lee, I've been looking for a reason to go back. Thank you." No, you—if you're looking for a reason to go back, you're on the wrong page. You are in the wrong zone. Go back? Huh? A reason to go back into toxicity? No. Hell no. You do not. Look, dude. This is—if you're looking for a sign to go back into toxicity, this ain't it. This is not it, y'all. I'm telling you.
Because typically, when they're missing you, it doesn't mean that they want—they want to get back with you to treat you better, right? It doesn't mean that they want to get back with you for a second, third, 27th go-around, and this time things are going to be better. No. Typically, they're missing that supply. They are missing that control, right? And sometimes, look, when they're missing you, guess what? They'll reach out to you. Sometimes they'll—sometimes they'll reach directly out to you when they are missing you and test you. They'll send you a text message. "Hey, big head. Hey, stinky butt. Hey, pla pla. Hey, my little dirty bird. Hey, whatever pet name they used to call you." They'll call you. "Hey, big head. Hey, stinky butt. Hey, my little pla. My little pla. My little pla. My little pla. I was just thinking about you. Aren't you at the beach with your new supply? I just saw you posted a picture on Instagram." Click. Don't hang up, right? They'll hang up on you. You're just like, "Hey, are you—I just saw you posting a picture on Instagram with your new—with your new boo at the beach. Like, why you calling me?" Click. They'll—they'll click on you, won't they? They'll click on your ass quick. They'll hang up on you. They're just checking in when they miss you. They missed the control.
And to look, and a lot of narcissistic people think that they own you. Yeah. Let's keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza. Sometimes they think you belong to them. So when they're missing you, they're missing the ownership, right? They're missing what they thought they had with you. They're missing the fact that you belong to them. And they want to make sure that you're not with anybody else. They get to be happy. You don't—I forgot where I was at. I don't know if I was on—I don't know if I was on live on YouTube or Instagram. I might have been Instagram. I was on—I was live on Instagram yesterday, and a young lady came in there and she said, "Uh, my narcissistic partner is cheating on me. He left me for somebody. He left me for somebody else, but he keeps messaging me talking about he misses me and we might have a future. We might have—if I hold on, we might have a future." >> Oh. I said, "What?" I said, "What now?" If you hold on to what? What are you holding on? What? What are we—what are you holding on to again, ma'am? You're holding on to the fact he went with somebody else. What do you hold on? What? Hold on to what? He with somebody else. "If you hold on, you might—you might have a future." And I say, "That man think you belong to him." Yeah. Couldn't even get her guarantee. That man said, "If you hold on, we might just might might have a future." And she was like, "I don't know if I should wait or not." I was like, "Let me make the decision for you. Don't wait." She said, "I don't know if I should wait around." I like, "No." Why the—I was—why be—I be cussing on Instagram. I said, "Why the beep would you wait around for a man that got some—that's with somebody else?" That's—that's somebody that—that man just love making you look stupid, right?
Sometimes when a narcissistic person misses you, sometimes they miss making you look silly. They miss being able to manipulate you. They miss being able to confuse you. They miss—sometimes they miss being abusive towards you. Let's just say, let's just keep it hot and ready. They will absolutely miss being a straight-up abuser to you. Imagine your partner missing putting their hands on you. Missing the fact that they never got in trouble. Missing the lack of accountability that they could have in your relationship. Missing that—what? What? Sometimes they don't miss the good stuff. Some—yeah. Can they—can they miss the good thing? I ain't going to say that. Can they miss the good times? Yeah, they can miss the good times, right? Who said that, right? Yeah, they can miss the scapegoat. You're absolutely correct. They absolutely are correct and whatnot. They can miss the scapegoat. They can misplace—they can misplace. Y'all want somebody to misplace in your face? Is that what you want? You want somebody to misplace in your face, miss embarrassing you, miss the fact that they—they got—they tricked you into cutting off your support system. You want somebody that—that misses that? Because that's what they could absolutely be missing. Some people, I know, I know a lot of y'all there, y'all empaths or whatever you want to call yourself, right? Y'all want to believe or just you might just be a good person, right? Y'all want to believe that there's good in everybody. And I'm here to tell you that that's just not true. Some of these manipulative evil bastards are just that. They are evil bastards. Sometimes they miss the trickery. They miss the scheming. They miss it. They like, "Man, I tricked the hell—I remember, I remember a time I was with old girl. I tricked the hell out of her. Damn, that was a good trick." And she forgave me. Damn, that's crazy. I'll never find somebody that I can make look silly like that again.
So before you respond to a message, before you respond to an "I miss you" text, an "I miss you" email, an "I miss you" phone call, before you respond to that, just ask yourself, "Do you have your clown mask in the closet?" 'Cause you're going to have to put it on. You have to strap your clown mask on 'cause they're about to make you look like Boo Boo the Fool. Make sure you got your red nose, your brightly colored rainbow wig, your size 27 clown shoes, 'cause you're going to need them 'cause they're gonna have you looking silly. They're gonna have you looking silly. You're about to be look like—I said, they're gonna have you looking like Boo Boo the Fool. Boo Boo the Fool's twin brother. Foo Foo the Fool. Fufu the Boo. They're gonna have you looking silly as hell. They're gonna have you looking foolish. Sometimes they miss the games, man. Yeah. I know somebody, y'all want—when y'all see when y'all get a message from them that says, "I miss you," you immediately associate that with good things and good feelings. They don't. Again, I said, they could be laid up with somebody else. They could be literally clapping cheeks with somebody else thinking about you. Imagine that. They clapping cheeks with somebody else. You hear this sound right here, and they thinking about you. They miss you. Now, look, I miss my ex. I miss him. I really do miss him. Imagine that, because that's what happened right there. They love making—miss—making fun of you, right? Yes. Yes, they could. They do. They'll be crazy, man. You get a lot of crazy work. You get a lot of narcissistic people. A lot of abusers that miss this stuff right here, man. They miss the cooking. Yeah, they could miss that right there, right? They could do that. Yeah, they—they are so fake. Will talk about you behind your back and reach out to you and tell new supply you're the one reaching out and bothering. Yep, they absolutely will. And you can show the crazy thing about it is you could show the new supply that they're reaching out to you, and they still might not leave. She's been—she's been sending vitriolic messages for years. I went no contact. She said, "I miss you." And still never said anything. And now they're back to monthly vitriolic messages. Yeah. Back to the void. Straight to the void. Boooo the Fool. Yeah. Boooo the Fool is alive and well. You know Boo Boo the Fool is alive and well.
If y'all just joining the live, make sure you hit the thumbs up button. If you haven't subscribed to the channel, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock, diagnosed narcissist. Give you the perspective of a diagnosed narcissist, right, on types of relationship dynamics and more. Also, New York City. I'll be in New York City a week from today doing an in-person Q&A, just like I'm about to do a Q&A on here. I'll be in New York City a week from today, June 2nd, doing a live in-person Q&A, answering all of your questions. All the questions you have, you can come to the—come to New York City. If you're New York City, come get them answered. Mentalillness.net/events to get registered or to get more information. mentalillness.net/events. NYC. Yes, finally. Yep. I'll be there next—I'll be there Tuesday. Well, I'll be actually be there Monday, but Tuesday is the event. Tuesday is the event. Tuesday, Tuesday. Tuesday. Mentalhillness.net/events to get registered. Um, white ads keep jumping in your live. It's YouTube. YouTube. YouTube got to make their money. YouTube got to make their money. They got to push their ads out. Phony ass clowns. They are alive and well. Yeah. Oh my god. I w—I walked up on him talking about me with his new old supply who we talked about to me. Oh, too faced. Yep. Talking about you to her and talking about her to you. Making sure both of y'all trying to—trying to fit both of y'all for a a tightly a tightly woven clown mask. Right.
But again, if they—if they reach out to you and say, "I miss you," make sure that y—like I said, seriously y'all, if they're reaching out to you and saying, "I miss you," ask yourself, "What does that mean?" Because I know what it means to you. Ask yourself, what does it mean for them? 'Cause they don't miss the same things you miss. Unless they send you a—a video of you naked or something like that, 'cause they might have pictures and videos of you naked. "I miss these cheeks, girl, and I know you missed this. Send you an unsolicited nude or something." "I know you miss the sound we used to make. We used to make some good luck, G. Damn, I missed that right there. Damn, I missed them buns, G. I miss them too much. I got to have them. I hope—hope nobody else is getting those buns. I miss them." Right. That's crazy. Yeah, that is insane. That is crazy. But again, that's what you face. That's what you're up against when you're dealing with an abusive person. They will try to get you to miss the good times, but that's not what they really miss. You see what I'm saying? They'll convince you that they miss the good times to get back into your life. And does it work? Yes, it works, y'all. Depending on where you are, depending on who you are, it works. And sometimes they don't even have to try hard because you miss them, right? If you're missing them, if you're missing them and they just so happen to reach out with an "I miss you" message, you might go and sleep with them right then and there. It might be—you might be like, "Lord, if they're supposed to be in my life, send me a sign." And that sign, and they just happen to message you out of nowhere, right? And they're just checking back in to see if you're silly. See if your mind still ain't ready, right? See if your mind is just still zooted. That's what goes on. That's what be happening right there. They want to see if your mind is still zooted to the point where they can come back in there, infiltrate your space, make you look and feel silly as hell, and then they'll dip out. They'll come into your life like they swing—they'll swing into your life like a wrecking ball and then dip. Act like nothing happened. Swing right into your life like a damn wrecking ball and then dip on your ass like nothing happened. Like nothing—like nothing went down. Nothing happened. And then they scucadle and then you'll never hear from them again. They'll come back. Yeah. Yeah. That's the devil sign. Yeah. God—the devil got a damn—you—the devil got the line to you and God uh tapped. He done tapped into the line. He can hear you asking for God's prayers. Imagine you—you praying to God for a sign and the devil got the line tapped. The devil like, "And Angela praying for a sign. Have her—have her abusive ex send her a message right now. That'll be hilarious." And that's the devil. The devil got God's line tapped, listening. Send you that. Send you some BS. The devil listening in. "I was with her for 12 years. She hoovered seven times years after she got the boot. I rejected her." Yeah. You got to keep that—you got to keep that boot up. The devil—the man in the middle. Yeah. They be testing you, man. I say you have to be—yo, you have to be strong. You have to be strong. You know what? Hey, Day Day, you know what? It's June 5th again, and I just—I look, I—I—I was driving down the street. It's June 5th, and I just so happened to see a stray cat, and it reminded me of your cat. No, I didn't take the cat, and I hate cats. I just want to let you know I missed you." You see what I'm saying? "You don't even like cats. I saw a stray cat on the side, cold, wet, rainy, and hungry." No, I didn't feed it. No, I didn't pull over. I just want to let you know it reminded me of you. It reminded me of you. Let me—let me talk to the cat. Let me talk to the cat. Y'all know deadbeat baby daddies be like, "Let me talk to my son. I just want to talk to my kids." He trying to call you to talk to the cat. "I don't even miss you like that. I just missed the cat. Let me hear—let me hear the meow. Let me hear the meow. Let him know I'm on the phone. Put me on speakerphone so he can hear me. Put me on speakerphone so the cat can hear me. He know my voice. That cat know my voice." "Don't try to do that. See you alienating me from my cat. I'mma take you to court." Yeah. The devil will listen to your conversation. Yeah. Some people—yeah. To believe it or not, some people actually do be co-parenting with with cats and dogs. Some people do, and it keeps them—it keeps them stuck, man. I just—it's hard to tell people to just like, "Look, Flash hates him. He's snarling. Flash—Flash can sense the evil." Uh, my ex, my service dog. Oh, man. But that's what be happening, y'all. Pla, put the pla—put the cat on the phone. Put the cat on the phone. Mississippi House. What's up? What's up? You're very encouraging. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome, y'all. That's what I'm here for you, man. I'm here to help you, help you last through it, man. Like I said, just imagine New York City next week. I'm doing this in person in New York City, man. Like I said, it's going to be a good event. And then after the event, we might go out and sit at a bar or something, just chill and hang out and whatnot. But that's what's going on, man. I'm telling y'all, if they are reaching out, if they tell you that they miss you, you have to be strong. You absolutely do. Or—or you give in, the cycle starts again, and then you'll be mad as hell. You'll be mad as hell at them, but then you'll be mad at yourself as well. Not only will you be mad at them, you're going to be angry at yourself for letting it happen. "I knew they were lying. I knew they were trying to manipulate me. I knew that they were BSing. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. And I still gave in. Damn it." You're going to be angry. You're going to be mad. That's what's going to happen, man. It's part of it. I promise you. It's part of it. But you can heal. You can fight back. You don't have to put up with the BS. You can block them. "I miss you." "I don't miss you." Click. Bloop. The next time they call you, they should hear, "The number you have called is no longer in service or may have been changed." Thank you. We're sorry. The number you have called is no longer in service. Please try again later. We're sorry. That's what they should hear. They should not get your voicemail. They should be talking to Verizon Wireless or T-Mobile or Sprint. Not a Sprint. Who? I don't know if Sprint exists anymore. They should be talking to somebody else. They should not be talking to you. Seriously, they should not be talking to you. They should be talking to Sprint, T-Mobile, whoever the hell, not Chief, not I, said the cat. Block like a brick house. Absolutely right. Absolutely.
If they miss you, it doesn't mean that they will treat you better. I think people get it conflated because you're still—I think somebody—somebody commented earlier. She said, "I'm sorry, I'm not supposed to say this, but I miss him." It's understandable that you miss your ex who hurt you. Y'all spent time together. Y'all shared a life together. You planned a life together. You might have kids. You might have a family. You might be friends from 40 years, 20 years before that. It's okay to miss somebody who hurt you. But it's not okay to allow them to keep hurting you. It's not okay to allow them back into your space to hurt you over and over and over again. When have you had enough? Right? When is enough enough? When is your—the fact that you miss them going to weigh less than your own care—the care you have, the love you have for yourself? When is the self-love going to outweigh you missing them? Right? That's important right there. You—I'm going to do a whole video about that. I can—I can go through a whole damn sermon right now about that. But I'm going to do a Q&A now. I got to hop out over here. Y'all—y'all can drop some questions in here again, y'all, before we switch it up. New York City. We'll be in New York City next week. Like I said, for my next in-person live Q&A. It's a live Q&A, y'all. It says it's not a workshop. I know people like, "You doing a workshop?" No, it's not a workshop, y'all. It's a live Q&A. Like just like I'm doing right now. It's going to be just like this. Like what I'm about to do now. It's going to be just like this. Where's it at? Like I said, New York. It's called The Foundation. It's in New York City. Y'all see it? New York City. It's on Tuesday. I know Tuesday is in the middle of the week, but that's when I'm coming up for y'all. Y'all see it right here about the event—event schedule. 10 days. Is it 10 days? Not 10 days. June 2nd is not 10 days away, is it? No, it's next Tuesday. That's crazy. Y'all see it right here, y'all. June 2nd, I'll be in New York City. Come check it out. This is my previous workshops, y'all. People come through, people say, "Hey." All my pictures and stuff like that from my previous workshops, some of the homies, some of my members of my group, my homegirl Nia. We are—we got testimonials here, y'all. All this good stuff. All this good stuff. So, I will see y'all in New York if you want to come to New York. Mentalness.net/events. They truly break down your self-esteem and tear down your walls. Absolutely. Yep. What helped me move on is the quote, "People only do what you allow." Yeah, that's part of it right there. Right. What did it click for you and not him? Do you feel safe from yourself or are you talking about me? Like, so that's—so the question about like me, what made me—help me change or help me work on myself? That's a very, very long-winded question. I—I don't avoid it. I just have a longer video on it. I can't give like a short answer because that would take up the whole Q&A session. "I miss him for sure, but I'll be the first to admit it. But being a clown is not the life I want." There you go. Power up. You do not want to put that clown mask on. I'm close enough. Would be nice to meet and greet. Yeah. I mean, I said New York City next week, y'all. New York City, June the second. It's not 10 days. Really is next week though, ain't it? Yeah. Why is it saying 10 days on the site? I—what? Daryus has it on there. Crazy. But it's definitely not 10 days. It is a couple days away. It's next. I'll be—I'll be flying out Monday. Um, yeah, that's weird. I have no idea why it looks like that. Yeah, June second is definitely next Tuesday. 7 days. I don't know why it says that. Heck yes, my friend can trek with me. Trek in with me. Yeah, go and get registered. I said New York because it's only—I think there's only nine seats left. It's like nine seats left. Yeah, I saw it. But I don't get how you got to the get out and arrest are forever doomed because I wanted to. Right. That's—I wanted to. It really is boil down to I've been doing—I've been working—I've been working on myself for 20 years. Y—what you see right now, who you see right now, this is the product of 20 years of self-personal development and nine years of psychotherapy. You know, I've been in therapy for nine years. I've been working on myself for 20 years. I'm 40 years old. So half my life I've been working on myself. Right. So half my existence, literally half my life, when I was 19, 20 years old, working at Blockbuster Video, I started doing personal development. I have another child on the way by my ex-husband who's a diagnosed narcissist. You got to be careful with that one. Did you know he's diagnosed before the first one? Very low. I wouldn't say I'm very low. I just been working on myself, y'all. It's not very low. I promise you. I probably should—you said it to my wife and she was like, I was like, I was like, "Baby, uh, Angela said my narcissism is very low." She like, "What? No, it's not very low. It just seems like it, y'all, because I've been do—" Yeah. I'm so—I'm well-spoken. I'm intelligent. I've been doing—I've been just to do the work. How can I prepare? How can I prepare for being affected emotional fallout by his attempts to antagonize through our child and our other friends, his future partners? So, future partners, me, this is what I say for the future partners. Your children though, depending on how old your children are, you can have conversations with your kids, right? You can have conversations with your children about this. You know what I mean? You absolutely can. But depending on their age, you don't have to tell them straight up, "Daddy's a narcissist. He's going to lie on me." You don't have to do that, right? Actually, if I can find it right here, I normally have one right beside me. Uh, depending on how old your kids are. If your kids are, I say, 10 and under, you can read this one. I got—I wrote a kids book called Remember, It's Not Your Fault. Designed to have these tough conversations with your kids about toxic relationships, toxic parents, and whatnot, body positivity, self-love. It's called Remember, It's Not Your Fault. It's on Amazon. I—I can put the link in the comments in in the uh description, but it's called Remember, It's Not Your Fault. It's specifically for those children like they're in that age group. Uh oh, you bought the book already? Oh, I'm—I'm behind then. You already did it. When you gonna do a meet and greet in Durham? You know, I'm a local. That's my—I did—I've done one. I did one, the one, the second one I did was in Durham. I've actually done two in D. Actually done two in Durham. You know, I've done two in Durham. The next one in North Carolina will probably be in Charlotte. Oh. Oh, hell no. What? He threw it—he threw the book away. Oh, hell no. He a bastard. Then you don't want your kid knowing about self-love and appreciation? That's crazy. Threw the book away. That's crazy. That's crazy. We broke up and haven't spoken in weeks, but he has a few boxes of his stuff he has here. I don't know how to go about that. Put those boxes by the door, right? I don't know if you still in contact with him or you haven't invited. Hey, look. There's—there's a Beyonce song for you. Right. "To the left, to the left. Everything you own is in the box to the left." You got 30 days. She—she didn't put the 30 days on there. She's like, "You got 30 days to come pick it up. Pick it up or it's going to be in the trash." Uh, narcissists really don't have an attachment style. It—it mirrors. They don't really deeply attach. So, it looks like avoidant, right? But it's not. It looks avoidant, but it's not really an attachment. It's not really a deep attachment, right? Yes. Come to Charlotte first. I hear of the kids book. Yeah, my kids book is called Remember, It's Not Your Fault. My twin brother um lives in Charlotte, right? So, I'll definitely—the next one will probably be in Charlotte or I might do one in Raleigh. Raleigh or Charlotte. I've done two in Durham, right? Um, and whatnot, y'all. Especially at night. I can really tune these late nights. Yeah, I'm going to do—I like doing them later at night, too, 'cause more people hop on. Like, these are my big—my biggest lives when I'm on here at night, right? Um, but anyways, y'all, I got to hop off this thing. I'll be live again tomorrow because I—I have to do another few lives this week. Um, in preparation for New York because I recorded some videos, but I don't want to drop them until New York. I'll be on the flight again. I'll be in New York City next week, June 2nd. Also, my—my regular website for my coaching, my one-on-ones, my Zoom calls. I do text messages now, too, y'all. Have text message sessions for the whole week or the whole month. You get seven days or 30 days of text messages. Mentalness.net. Check that out. Uh, whatnot. Subscribe to the channel if you already haven't. Y'all appreciate y'all. I'm grateful for y'all. Thank y'all for the support, y'all. It means the world to me. I promise you. It always means the world to me. I'm so thankful for y'all. If y'all in New York, I will see y'all there. Go ahead and get registered up for a full—up for—I want to keep it small. I want—I don't want it to be a big event 'cause I want everybody to get a chance to ask questions and talk and whatnot. And then afterwards, we'll go hang out. You're going to hang out somewhere downtown New York, whatever that sounds like. It's in Manhattan, Manhattan area. But y'all, anyways, y'all, hit the subscribe button and we'll chat later, y'all. Peace. Love y'all.